ITT: twisted jokes
>two families of pedophiles go to the beach
>one of the dads lays down to suntan and looks at the other dad then says
>Hey?! Get out of my son!
>last week, one of my ex gf's called me
>she said she had to tell me some bad news
>anon, I don't know how to tell you this, but.... I have aids
>I really didn't know how to reply to that so I said the only thing I could say
>yeah, I know
>a man and a 6 year old boy are walking along a path through the woods on a moonless night
>"Gee mister, I'm scared!" says the boy
>"You're scared?" says the man, "I have to walk back alone!"
A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street when they see an orphanage on fire.
>oh my god! Says the rabbi. We have to save the children!
>screw the children! Says the priest.
>out of what? Replies the rabbi.
>two nuns live in the same building and work in the same place, at the same times. But they never see each other on the way to work
>hey, says one nun to the other, how come I never see you on the way?
>oh, I've found the best way to get there
>I don't think so, replies the first nun, I've checked Google maps, my way is the fastest.
>nope, my way is better. Why don't you follow me tomorrow and I'll show you.
>so the next day the two nuns take of biking to work.
>they make a corner down a way the first nun has never gone before.
>after a few minutes, she turns and says
>oh my god this is the best! I've never cum this way before!
>I know. It's the cobblestones
>I went on a date last night with a nice girl but there was something wierd about her
>she swore it was a birthmark
>but I'm pretty sure it was a penis
Why did Suzy fall off the swing?
>she lost her arms in the bus accident.
>A little girl is being interviewed by the police
>she was sexually assaulted by her dad
>the policeman asks her to describe what he did to her
>she goes through graphic details of what he did to her
>and what he made her do
>the little girl stops and starts crying
>she says she can't remember anymore, and doesn't want to
>the policeman replies
>WHO CARES JUST MAKE IT UP IM ALMOST THERE
>as she looks up to see the policeman fapping away like a dirt fish
What did one orphan say to the other?
Get in the Batmobile Robin.
Raising children isn't hard. I'm tired of hearing people complain about that. It's not hard at all
>convincing your gf to have her 3rd consecutive abortion, now that's hard.
>Whats the difference between a dead dog on the street and a dead nigger?
>Answare: there are brakemarks infront of the dog
>Nigger Recipe Book
>First Step: Steal a cooking pan..
>How can you save a jew from drowning?
>By removing your foot from his head..
>Why are there no arabs on StarTrek?
>Because the actions take place in the future..
>Whats the connection between the nigger and the tree?
How do you get 100 babies into a bathtub?
Best way to get them out again?
I went out for a nice evening with my wife last week, and we kept getting dirty looks because I'm 42 and she's 19. I get that people are a little weird about that for whatever stupid reason, but it totally fucking ruined our tenth anniversary
>laying in bed next to gf
>just finished fucking
>make comment about how I love her hairless twat
>gee anon, that really makes you sound like a pedophile.
>wow, that's some might big words coming from a 9 year old
laughed because i hadn't heard that one.
Only one I got
>A family of niggers getting ready to make dinner. The son tries to help momma make the cornbread. He's too short to reach the counter and ends up spilling the cornmeal all over his head. The kid turns around and says "LOOM MAMMA I'S A WHITE BOY!" The momma slaps the nigglet and yells "GO TELL YOUR FATHER WHAT YOU JUST SAID." Nigglet goes to his father in the living room. "LOOK DADDY I'S A WHITE BOY!" The father puts down his newspaper and backhands the nigglet across the face. "Whatchu got ta say bout yo self boi!" The dad yells. The nigglet gets mad and yells "I"VE BEEN WHITE FOR 2 MINUTES AND I ALREADY HATE YOU NIGGERS!"
Why are black ppl scared of chainsaws?
>because of the sound they make
>Family goes on a hike up in the forest
>Mom, dad and a their son
>Reach the end of the woods and reach a steeping cliff
>Oh, shit how deep does this go?
>Whilst leaning over the edge, both parents fall down to their death
>Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck
>Kid is devestated and runs back into the forest
>After a while a sudden ranger appears
>Mom and dad is kill
>Ranger looks the boy in the eyes
>Takes his pants off and says
>"This is not your lucky day kid"
On an iPhone can't watch that.
And besides, doesn't matter what that is, are you seriously saying that he's never fucked a hottie?
Guy might be a complete fucktard but he got tons of teenie fan girls.
yet still taking the time to respond
What's the difference between a dead baby and a sandwich?
>I don't cum in a sandwich before I eat it
What's black, grows fast and eats pussy?
How did the dead baby cross the road
>It's entrails were still stuck to my dick
Whats the difference between a baby and an orange?
I don't fuck an orange after I peel its skin off..
What has more brains than a Sandy Hook school child?
The wall behind them.
A Mexican, a Jew and a black guy walk into a bar, the bartender looks up and says
"Get the fuck out."
What do you call a woman who doesn't have dinner ready on time?
Whats 6 inches long, pink, slimey, and makes my girlfriend cry when I feed it to her?
How do you get a black guy out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
Why are there no black characters in the game "Clue"?
If there were then it would be called "Solved"
What do you call a dead baby in stinky Mexico?
An air fresher.
No punchline really, but I'm laughing at imagining a school being named after a child molester.
The teacher and young student are lost in the wilderness on a field trip. Both of them cold, the teacher suggests they rub their sticks together to create warmth. He did create warmth - he was *fired*.
I work at a convenience store and gave a guy lottery numbers that corresponded to the day his son was found dead. I chuckled hard.
Two muslims in Rochdale decide to start molesting girls under the age of 16
One says "Abdul are we doing the right thing. Is this what allah wants"
Abdul laughs and says "Theyre white - who gives a fucking shit"
>mfw white people are the cause of that kind of thinking in shitskins here
>mfw when shitskins in other countries respect whites
>mfw we caused the rape of those children through these actions
>mfw I'm a pedophile
You know the best thing about having sex with twentysix year olds? There's 20 of them...
>"Hi, how's it going, what seems to be the problem?"
>I've contracted Aids
>"How did you get that?"
>From an African prostitute.I'm riddled with it. The prostitutes from an African country that's ravaged by starvation. Selling her body was the only financial recourse she had left...
A white guy and two niggers are walking along the beach. They find a lamp and rub it. A Genie comes out
>what is your command my master?
The first black guy says
>I want all of my brothers back in Africa where they belong
>your wish is my command. All black people are back in Africa
The second black guy chimes up
>before you send me, I want a wall of a force field or something surrounding Africa so that nothing and no one can ever get in or out.
>your wish is my command. Africa is now sealed off from the world
The white guy now steps forward
>so, all the niggers are back in Africa and no one and nothing can ever get in or out?
>yes my master
>ok then. Fill it with water
1. You can't fill it with water (nothing can get in or out)
2. They are dead anyways. No trade, no biodiversity, and they are niggers.
3. The white guy should have wished for something else since they signed their death sentence. Like "I wish women forever catered to any man as long as you give them a sink"
1: it's a genie it's magic figure it out
2: Africa is the most biodiverse place on the planet. If anything Africa would be fine and the rest of the world screwed
3: it's a joke. What, did you have your sense of humour removed as a child?
1. They said "anything" can't come in or out since a genie is "something" it is included.
2. No it's not, America is, are you educated? They are still dead because of aids though
3. No your joke was not joke worthy it would be funny to a 10 year old boy. If you play your cards right you might be able to punch his chest in and titty fuck him
A family of three lives on a farm.
>one day the daughter asks her dad if she can use his truck to go out with some friends. Dad says ok under one condition, you have to suck me off. Daughter thinks about it and says ok. The daughter goes down and asks her dad, why does your dick smell like shit?
>Dad says, your brother borrowed the truck last night,
What's the best part of an ISIS joke?
Ok, you know? you're right, kawaii 4 chan themes are so much better.
You fucked that joke up.
A Catholic priest and a rabbi are walking down the street when they see an orphan begging in the street.
>"Hey" says the priest "Let's screw that little boy!"
>"out of what? says the Rabbi.
>>A guy walks into a bar
>>There's hot girl behind the bar, and there's a sign over the bar, "Handjobs $10, Cheese sandwiches $2"
>>The guy asks the hottie, "Excuse me ma'am, are you the girl who does the handjobs?"
>>She says, "Why yes, I am."
>>Guy: "Wash those hands and make me a cheese sandwich."
A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend "You won't believe what happened. I was taking a short cut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to it. I untied her, and then we had sex over and over again, all the positions, everything.
His friend replies, "That's great: did you get a blow job?"
>Oh, no: I never found her head.
There was a cruise ship that ended up sinking just off the coast of a small deserted island.There where only 3 survivors: 2 guys and a girl. They lived there for a couple of years doing what was natural for men and women.
After several years of casual sex all the time, the girl felt really bad about what she had been doing. She felt having sex with both guys was so bad that she killed herself.
It was very tragic but the two guys managed to get through it and after a while nature once more took it's inevitable course.
Well, a couple more years went by and the guys began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing. So...
>They buried her.