>What's the difference between a cake and a Jew?
A cake doesn't scream when you shove it in the oven
>What's the difference between a bench and a black man?
A bench can support an entire family
A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.
The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, "Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing?"
The farmer replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize."
"How?" asks the man, puzzled.
"Well, I heard they give the Nobel Prize . . . to people who are out standing in their field."
Two guys walk into a bar, and they both order Chinese food. The bartender looks at them and says we don't serve Chinese food. The two guys both look at him and at the same time say, "Gee Bill, two wieners?". The bartender then said, "Thanks Lori". The bartender and the two guys talked about bananas all night and sure enough, they went to the bartenders house where they browsed 9gag all night making sweet love to each other.
>It's the police mam your son was killed in a hit and run accident the driver was an alcohol
From Norm MacDonald
>While most people know Jim Croce's 1972 hit "Bad Bad Leroy Brown" and the line "Bad bad Leroy Brown, meanest man in the whole damn town, meaner than 'ol King Kong, meaner than a junk yard dog...", what most don't know is that Croce original wrote the line as "...meaner than a concentration camp dog", as that was the meanest dog he could think of, but ultimately found the lyric unpleasant to the ear.
A woman walks into a clinic. She goes to see dr. Wong. The doctor comes into the room. He says get on your hands and knees and crawl to the wall and back. The woman says why? The good dr. Says just do it. The woman crawls to the wall and back. The dr. Says yes yes i see. You have ed zackery disease. And she said ed zackery disease? Whats that??? He says your faces looks ed zackery like your ass
A man walking in to bar.
Greetings said barman.
I order vodka said man.
How was night? Said barman.
It cold and bread line long Said man.
Don't blame Putin said barman.
I don't said man.
I blame America said man.
Old Russian humor story.
Boy comes home from school and his mom asks, "What did you do today?" he replies "I had sex with my teacher." The mom flips, sends him to his room and calls the father. The dad impressed with his sons feat buys him a celebratory bike on the way home. He presents the bike to his son saying, "I heard what happened at school, this bike is a gift for becoming a man, would you like to try it out?"
To which the son replies
"No thanks dad, my butt still hurts."
How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb?
The question cannot be answered because Polish people are so fucking stupid that no matter how many of them are available, they would not be able to complete that simple task.
If this nigger has money to go to the bar and drink then why the fuck is he on the bread line in the first place?
America is not the cause of your problems.
Putin is not the cause of your problems.
YOU are the cause of YOUR problems.
10 niggers all get on a bus on a dark and stormy night.
9 of the niggers get in to a fight.
8 of the niggers pull out their 9's.
7 of the niggers had prior crimes.
6 of the niggers get shot in the head.
5 of the niggers get bellys full of lead.
5 and 6? Didn't I say ten?
The bus driver was a nigger too.
What did the bra say to the hat?
>You go on ahead, I'll give these two a lift.
Whats the difference between a pocket pussy and an infant?
OC: fresh --> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HPG1iUui77U
whats the best thing about fucking twenty year olds?
there's twenty of them
What do you get when you cut a child with a razor blade?
this is my step ladder.
I never knew my real ladder.
I heard he was great and supported a family of 4.
What word starts with the letter "N" that you never want to call a black person?
You know that christmas song "Do you hear what I hear?"
This is my step-stool.
Never knew my real stool.
Heard he spent all his time at the bar.
Why is Sex ed and Driver's ed not taught in the same day in the middle east?
It wears out the camel
Hitler: My dog has no nose.
Wehrmacht soldier: But, mein fuhrer, How does he smell?!?
Sick guy visits a doctor. Doctor says "I have good news and bad news. What you wanna hear first?"
"bad news, doc"
"you have cancer"
The guy us visibly upset and says "what's the good news tthen?"
Doc asks "did u see that blonde in the waiting room? With the big tits?"
"yeah what about her?"
Doctor grins and says "i'm gonna fuck her tonight"
>pedo walking little boy into the woods
>dark and scary
>little boy starts crying
>asks pedo to hold his had
>im scared mr pedo
>youre scared?! fuck
>i gotta walk outta here alone!!!!