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>be me
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The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
You are currently reading a thread in /b/ - Random

Thread replies: 94
Thread images: 23
>be me
>doctoring it up in my doctor castle
>pregnant woman comes in
>ask what's wrong
>"He'll be me first borne m'lorde,"
>"Ah, I see you're problem, go on,"
>have no idea what her problem is, hoping to John Edward my way through this
>tells me she fears for her first born because scary witch plague will kill him
>tell her to sleep upside down at night hanging from a rope by her ankles
>"it will keep him in your bowels until the plague passes,"
>she leaves
>find out 2 seasons later her kid died
>she tries to take my mask, proclaiming I don't know what I'm doing
>proclinate her a witch
>everyone burns her alive
>be plague doctor
>walking around in plagued out city
>some bitch comes up
>"P-please, I need help!"
>yo wdf
>"First you must find the ancient tomb of Settra, and then you must jerk his skeleton dick to get yourself pregnant. After that, sacrifice the skelechild to the Chaos Gods."
>she leaves
>i go about with my spooky fume-gun spraying green shit

>get a pigeon message
>"European women tries to enter tomb, spreads plague to Egypt"
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Moar, I love this.
>sitting in doctor castle
>playing with child skeleton
>calling it "research"
>anyone who calls me out in any way winds up mysteriously being accused of witchcraft
>continue with my "research"
>man comes in complaining of a hurt voice
>give him some compounds I made to rubs inside his throat
>"make your voice come out smoother"
>dies later that night from unknown causes
>"He didn't use my compounds right,"
>go back to research
Bumping for the cause good sir
bimpity bampity bump
> be in doctor castle
> child comes into my office
> tells me his parents are sick
> shitting themselves to death
> i tell him i know what they need
> scan floor, find cockroach
> spit on it and crush it
> give mixture to child
> later hear parents die from shtting
> they didnt use the mixture correctly
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I really feel like drawing comics based on those autistics works of fiction.
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>Be plague doctor in the good days
>Young knight comes in complaining of a hurt in his head
>Put on my serious doctor mask and tell him surgery of serious size must happen
>Grab hacky thing and saw into upper cranium crudly
> Forgot that it would hurt
>Patient is kill and found nothing the matter
>Mfw it was all in his head
>be peasant
>ye old plague doctor attempting to cure citywide diarrhea epidemic
>he suggests we wear a bag of cloves around our necks
>I suggest we wash our hands with soap and water
>tfw I am accused of witchcraft and burned at the stake
>be doctor
>patient tries convincing people to brew a potion of witchcraft out of fat
>gets brewed at the stake
>tell them to continue wearing my remedy
>half the town dies from diarrhea
>they failed to use my product correctly
>accuse woman necmxt to me of witchcraft
Ye bump
>burned at stake for witchcraft
>unhurt as I am really a witch
>curse countryside with heathenism
>great strides are made in science and medicine
ye olde bump
Mother of God
Bumping. Maybe some greentext of different times?
Bump for the longer bread screencap I saw once plox.
>am 1940's wife
>husband complains because my vagina reeks like a dead fish shoved into a donkeys asshole
>many advertisements gloat about the feminine hygiene product Lysol
>put large amounts up my lady bits
>it burns like hellfire
>my husband enjoys the lemony scent
>I die 2 weeks later of Pelvic Inflammatory Disease
>tfw Lysol saved my marriage
>be me chilling in my doctor castle with my squire helper dude
>one of the peasants from village walk in say's his family has strange things on skin
>tell him i know exactly whats wrong
>mfw i dunno wtf hes talking about
>tell him he needs to return later evening so i give him medicine
>he leaves. take a shit in a test tube , add in crushed cat's intestines, goat milk, strange plant from my castle garden and my squire's piss
> man arrives to pick up the concoction. tell him to use on skin of family
>family die, not so long after man infected too
>tell king god sent us plague and we need burn everyone in village
>few survivors left for my doctor experiment(play dolls)
>mfw everyone buys my bullshit
>you're problem
>being this new
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>1900's doctor
>recent rise in hysteria cases
>hands be getting tired from rubbing on all these pussies
>create device that uses electricity to create vibration
>mfw I created the first vibrator
>mfw I give your girl more orgasms than you do
No don't die thread
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My god...
>be me
>chilling in hut
>man comes in
>says he has bad case of swole penis
>perform chicken ritual while he consunates with virgin girl
>his swole penis does not go away
>accuse him of being cursed by enemy truve voodoo witch Doctor
>roast him and eat him during village ceremony
moar plz I'am stone and my sides are dying here.
>be me
>man is injured building colloseum
>prescribe him coca leaves and marijuana buds
>unrelated string of murders by unidentified drug addict
>prescribe patient more coca leaves hoping to calm him down and set better example for criminal
>mfw crime rate rises drastically
>accuse woman of being a christian
>crucify her
Bump bc doctor
>all in his head
my sides are in orbit, doctor. What do you recommend?
>am famous and well known doctor in early 1900's
>patient complains of troubles breathing
>prescribe my famous asthma cigarettes
>patient claims he already smokes 20 a day
>tell him he needs to smoke at least 40 a day
>a year later patient dies while coughing up blood
>clearly didn't smoke often enough
Coca leaves and milk of the poppy
>foul breath
Way ahead of you, scary brother. Should I also stop using my mimosa incense?
Fucking do it.
Yes, it even cures canker sours

>canker sours

Not recommended for children under 6, but if your 7 it's cool light up a fag.
>Be me
>Plague doctor of the Ebola plague
>Ebola has taken the half of murica
>America has reverted into an 1800's state
>tfw I'm a fucking plague doctor
>one day treating Ebola nigger patient
>beat the shit out of nigger with stick
>give him advil crushed up and placed into water with brown food coloring
>never catch Ebola
>become best plague doctor, Advil is helping Ebola victims
>tfw im being paid for advil that's 2$ roughly
Moral of the story, drink milk and stay strong
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You reminded me: ebola kill niggers and makes white people into super heroes
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>Be me
>Chilling in abandoned building/doctor castle
>'Murica has failed and spiraled into an 1800s state
>Fashion plague-doctor mask from old SWAT gas mask.
>Woman comes in complaining of swole dick
>All my wut
>I know exactly what to do.
>Fucked Bailey Jay in nigger castle/abandoned building.
>Got the aids.
>Travel 'Murica perscribing my penis to cure everything.
>Life is good.
>prescribing my penis
Prescribing your penis to men too, m8?
I would fuck bailey jay
Sex is sex. World is end. Fuck all, spread aids.
I'd rather spread AIDS by tainting the water supply
>Be me, a local plague doctor and come from a family of plague doctors.
>My family is very rich due to their plague curing skills
>I suggest a new way of curing plagues
>My family huddles in as I take out my Android and open Plague Inc. and my family comes up with a name.
>We name it Bubonic because that's our last name
>tfw plague actually starts in west Africa and travels to America
>shit goes hectic
>all niggers and nigger lovers and any race that likes the nigger get crucified
Moral of the story, keep your sisters & brothers on check and have them never date niggers.
>2500's doctor
>being sent to cure all non genderqueer Caucasian males of their disease
>come across white male attempting to have sex with white female
>medical school taught us penis in vagina is always rape
>clearly this man is mentally ill
>proceed to castrate him and administer estrogen
>All is well in the reign of queen Hilary Clinton IV
>be me
>plague be scary
>stay at my office 90% of the time for fear of plague
>old lady comes in with what i assume is her grandson
>dont know what the fuck is wrong with this kid
>tell her to fed him the berries by the creek three times a day
>say no more
>find out a couple of moons later that he is dead
>find out she was also burned and proclaimed a witch
>other doctors say he was poisoned
>i am a doctor
>Hilary Clinton IV
They each reigned for 125 years?
Yes thanks to transgender sciences.

>honestly I thought I would be off by more than that
Doesn't have to be the 4th consecutive Hilary Clinton to be HC IV
Toasting in epic bread
>I'm awakened by a droplet of water hitting my temple
>Cold stone all around me, my home is secure.
>I'm the last of the Meninists, those who stood up to the Clinton Dynasty of Horrors.
>Today is the day
>The day of reckoning.
Please tell me this story includes some skull fucking
>I pull on my cargo shorts. The last clothing with 2 leg holes
>No shoes, all the roads are paved with grass
>No shirt, for that would be surrender.
>I stride out into the open, my eyes forward, rather than at the ground. I see 2 womyn shuffling past each other. Their hair briefly tangles. The Preventative Military Sedative(TM) on each of their wrists gives each of them a small dose of dopamine to ensure no conflict would arise
>These savages have no soul

I'm making this up as I go. I'll try to add a little in, but our hero is unlikely to get far.
i fucking love this tapestry
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>Be spooky plague doctor
>Chillin in my doctor castle
>Poking a skeleton I found with my doctor cane
>Old man walks in
>Says he cant get it up for his wrinkly old lady
>Pick up passing toad and put it in my skeletons skull
>Fill holes with other toads
>Tell him to take frogskull to the nearest cow
>Milk the cow onto the frogskull
>Rub frogskull on genitalia nightly
>mfw it worked
>I am a doctor
>am doctor in ancient Egypt
>man complains of head pain
>drill hole in head to relieve pressure
>woman does not want pregnancy
>tell her to use crocodile dung as contraception
>am actually surprised that stupid shit worked
>I know this is the day I'm going to die.
>I put this off far too long, the dynasty may already be eternal.
>I march forward, my feet, unclad by the counter-trigger footwear designed by Hillary III's R&D department, announces my approach.
>The womyn, thus, hears my approach. Hir mint-green hair turns a fearful lavender as xe turns to face me. Hir nose points between my legs, hir eyes turn, expecting my stance to mirrer hir own submissive demeaner.
>Her eyes shoot down as she sees my chin, my scowl, and the barest hint of a dark brown beard. What is this creature doing? Is this the "donimant" stance I'd read about in Edutainment? I'm... I'm triggered!
>She silently weeps as I pass her by. A small victory, but now they'll know.
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As I pass I say to her: it was my privilege.
Bump for more medieval doctor
>Now unburdened by my gaze, she closes her eyes to lean her head back (viewing the sky is forbidden, as the beauty cannot be appreciated by the un-visibly-gifted), and screams the trigger word for the Feminist Defense Force
>The MLP:FIM theme plays out of sirens as the streetlights slowly fade to darkness and back, the womyn scatter, shocked by the one womyn's shriek and the alarm that followed.
>The streets open, and dozens of proud FDF officers look at the ground around them, seeking the one in need of help
>they see exposed flesh not on the face.
>many faint
>the rest gather around me, creating a restrictive hugbox to restrain me
>I lift my right arm, significantly stronger than my left from maintaining masculinity
>I swat 2 of them aside.
>they scatter
>what is this show of violence? Were not all these savage MEN burned before this time of peace
>it seems not.

Don't spoil it.
These are all terrible. Points for trying, but it's clear that shitposting and fapping is all you many are capable of.
Mfw none of mine are on this list.
>I pull air into my lungs, my pectoral muscles catch a glimmer of light and reflect it into the eye of the womyn who exposed me
>xe resumes xir rallying call
>I lean into her personal space, and mutter
>in my glossy baritone voice
>"shut your mouth you cunt"
>hir ears bleed, she faints
>the womyn prance away
>I march towards one slow enough to be left behind, quiet enough not to call the herd back to hir
>I pick hir up, and ask
>"Where is Mistress Clinton's office?"
>xe tries to look away
>xe tries to wiggle free
>xe steals a glance at my face, and xe turns a crimson red
>"i-it's over there, sir" she says, trying not to faint.
>I set her down, and her hand reaches up to mine
>I look back towards her, in time to see her scurrying away, trembling
>Seeds of dissent.
Saw original post on imgur/b
>I trot up the ramp
>stairs are too barbaric?
>The doors open at a touch, but I push them to the wall
>the womyn at the front desk heard the commotion outside, and tried to make themselves scarce
>tried to
>A glare is all it takes to get the location of the Ovum Office, and behind me the Pony alarm sounds again, this time accompanied by a more true rendition of a strobe light
>heavily armored womyn storm up behind me, ready to deploy the iron hugbox
>Luckily, this battalion had to be fast with the armor on, so they're mousey. I lift one into the air and throw them into the others. They don't get within 10 feet of me.
>if they want to come at me, they'll need a weapon
>weapons are banned within city limits
>all meals, even the ones i could steal, were precut into bite size pieces
>I had the last bit of metal not designated to be part of an iron hugbox
>and this ballpoint pen is going in Clinton's temple.
Can't hate on imgur. Also checked em
This is golden, Anon.
Xe, xir, xim. Xek.
>hers is the last door with a handle
>none have locks
>I kick her door in
>and destroy the dynasty
>she looks me in the eyes
>they begin to glaze over at the sight of my rippling biceps
>It's time
>I click the pen, the side of the building blasts
>200 years of planting testosterone bombs finally pays off
>The Preventative Military Sedative isn't fast enough to counter this concentrated hormone
>for the first time in centuries, there is an ovulation, and there is ovulation all over the world
>Clinton, lacking a frontal lobe, is now just a rutting animal
>they're all just rutting animals now
>my last day is spent sharing prime brotein with the first women in half a millenium
>My heart palpitates
>the lavender haired girl, now fully lucid, looks to the sky, proclaiming "Oh, fuck yes!" as I paint her womb white. She will be my first lady, and carry on my unspoken creed
>"th-thank you, anon..." she says, empathetically feeling my heartbeat. she knows i'm dying
>"it was my privilege"
blasts open*
Oh fuck anon. I came.
I try, brother man. It would've been better, but I have a killer headache
Would've been better? How it was already the best!
I could've done more foreplay before the testosterone climax
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>am spooky bird mask doctor
>sitting in my office reading my mate leonardo's new book
>woman bursts in holding rotting hunk of flesh
>mfw it's her fucking baby
>don't know what is wrong but have heard of this case before
>recommend mother scrapes off excess skin every night before putting baby to sleep
>check in after a few days and it's working, much fresher skin, baby is quieter according to mother
>chilling in office again playing my abacus
>mother bursts in trying to kill me
>dumbass couldn't tell her baby was dead for the past couple of days because 1700's and she thought the new skin was starting to come through
>accuse her of being a witch
>she gets burnt and I go back to play my abacus
how to request archiving?
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>gathering of plague doctors
>me eyesalve eye infection
>The recipe is to mix garlic and onion, wine and oxgall (bile from a cow's stomach) to be brewed in a brass vessel for some days
>other doctors think its a ridiculous recipe "doesnt even contain spinning or a venesection" they say
>other doctors gets furious and point me out as the charlatan destroying the good reputation of medical advancement
>"me doctor !" I yell while they burned me alive
>1000years later i see this from heaven http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn27263-anglosaxon-remedy-kills-hospital-superbug-mrsa.html#.VUXqd5Ogo8M
not hating of ill grammar
you are the problem
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>be 20th century plague doctor in my castle
>no one comes to me because of bull shit medicine
>one of my patients comes in for a check up
>he's homeless and insane
>complains of bad breath
>mfw i know the cure
>make a mix of bleach and garlic diluted with my piss
>he drinks the lot
>go to his spot on the street to see how he is
>he's lying on the floor
>go down to wake him up
>he's now a lifeless body with his jaw rotted off
>must have used my mix wrong.
muh fetish
...that's hot actually
glad to serve
ah, much wonderful faps to come
Thread replies: 94
Thread images: 23
Thread DB ID: 58071

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