The kitchen is opening in 30 minutes. Let's prepare well, yeah? We are going to have a lot of celebrities and VIP guests tonight. We are changing up the menu and we cannot fuck this up. Chefs, your stations are up to you. I want at least 2 people on entrées, 2 on desserts, 3 on fish, and 2 on fucking beef wellingtons. Don't disappoint me. Get on your stations, let's go.
Oi, cunt. If I wanted your opinion on grammar I'd fucking ask you.
25 minutes till dinner service. What is going on?!? I don't know if you donkeys realise what is going on. We're not going anywhere! Get it together!
Lol, you are pretending to be Gordon Ramsay as if this thread was Hell's Kitchen, I get it :^)
Bad news, chef. The delivery truck from the seafood company is stuck in traffic on the Jersey Turnpike and won't be here until after 8:25. The hostess hasn't shown up yet, no call. There's an old Ford Ranger truck in the parking lot with a county health department sticker on it, the toilet in the ladies room is clogged with used tampons and the dipshit that wrote our new menus spelled "Salmon" without the "L".
Just thought you'd want to know.
SHIT! I've burnt myself chef. and the pork's everywhere!!!
Get it together you fucking CUNT!!! Jesus! You're supposed to be a fucking chef, yes? Let's go...come on. 17 minutes till dinner. Jesus Christ.
WHY ARE YOU COOKING POTATOES YOU FUCKING CUNT?!?!?!? You want people to eat cold potatoes you piece of shit. GET THE FUCK OUT!
This ain't Fox, cupcake.
Look, chef, those health inspectors don't look too friendly. It's only a matter of time before they et to the ladies room and that tampon clog-of-doom.
The seafood driver called back and said he's making better time and might be here by 8:05, but he'll need a little something extra added to the invoice. He IS from New Jersey, you know.
I called the hostess. She's drunk again. Aimee can fill in but she's coming from her grandmother's place in Hoboken, so she may be a bit late.
What's going on in here? what's with all the yelling?
Ramsay,..... I can do something about the health inspectors.
Jesus Christ. Jean Pierre will take over and handle these problems. Seafood is being prepped we are fine with that. Aimee can fuck off, she's done. Fuck the toilets, they don't involved the cooking. And fuck you, you cunt. Bringing these problems to me now, when you've known about them all day. You're in fucking denial.
Im sorry chef I tried so hard.. its my dream to be the best im just happy to be here ill do better next time just give me a chance
Well, somebody sure as fuck needs to do something about them. I know you back-of-house folks think you're the only swinging dicks around here, but I could use an occasional hand running the front end, you know.
Aimee called, she's caught in traffic. Apparently some buzzbomb full of Guidos rear-ended a seafood truck on the bridge and traffic is bungled up fuck all.
By the way, tell the dishwasher on swing shift that it might be nice if he actually washed the fucking dishes once in awhile. The salad plate at 4G had a dried on chunk of...something...that was big enough to see from the hostess stand. It looked like a booger.
5 minutes till service. Are you fuckers ready?!? Entrées? Fish? Yeah? Let's go.
I'm expecting my order to be on my plate as soon as possible as I am a very important person.
So where is my kids menu all I see is the adult ones?
JUST GET IN THE FUCKING KITCHEN AND COOK!!! YOU FUCKING USELESS DONKEY!!!
Permission to give the health inspectors cake chef?
Bitches love cake
Yes chef, sorry chef. I'll get right on the potatoes!
>Doors are open and B's Kitchen is going. The vips are seated and ready to eat.
Alright, first order. 3 scallops, 2 risotto, and one special salad. Let's go, yeah?
4 scallops chef, watch your back, plate's hot.
Come here, fat boy. You sort it out right now, yeah? YOU ARE NOT GOING TO FUCK MY KITCHEN TONIGHT! One more fuck up and it's back to fucking KFC for you, you goddamn cunty shit eater!
Gonna need another minute on the special salad, chef. I'm just extracting the special sauce, now.
special salad is done chef along with the risotto
Yes chef sorry chef
pls no more yell
Oi, shit face. Are you deaf? 4 scallops. Jesus fucking Christ. Get it together, woman. WHERE ARE MY RISOTTOS!!!!!!!?????
one extra special salad coming right up cheff WOOAHHH LIKE xDDDDD hahaha
Chef im sorry i fucked up my 2nd batch of Risotto
All of you come here, yeah that's you as well, Sarah. This risotto...is perfect. Good. Order out.
The Tomatoes exploded!!!!
Whurr do I place my order fo' da dollah menu? Yall niggas take EBT up in hurr?
Oi, fucker. You wait for me, yeah? I'll work the pass, you cook the food, yes? Fuck off.
Yes, Chef! Have some tits, Chef.
Ayy lemme git a number three wiff a purple drank and super size dat sheeit, know-what-ahm-sayin
Let's get going on those mains, people! 2 Beef Wellingtons, Soup special - hold the garlic, and 3 fish. Let's FUCKING COOK!
Chef spiderman reporting for duty! I made a spider steak laced with web, I think our guests will really love this dish!
20 minutes on that fish Chef!
OI!!! Come here, you. Fucking risotto? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?
The health inspectors tip cash!
their coming in do we give them seat 9K?
I've made some chocolate milk if anybody wants it.
So this is how they script new seasons of Hell´s Kitchen.
1 Beef Welling well done, Soup special with holy water, and 3 wishes? Huh? Whachoo talkin' bout, Chef?
Please rectify our ignorence, Mistress of all kitches.
Shit I mixed the chocolate milk wit the soup chef
Chef, I'm working on that soup, about to drop the special sauce.
Oh my god, what the hell is this. Come here! ALL OF YOU!!!! Look at this...cold as a fucking witch's tit in the middle of fucking winter! And...AND...IT'S FUCKING RAW!!!!!!! JESUS FUCKING CHRIST FOR GODS SAKE GET IT TOGETHER!!! You've fucked this whole order! Do it again!!!!
Sorry I'm late chef. I'll get right to cooking.
Working on catching that fish for you, Chef.
Chef remember when
Chef Kate Gosselin has ordered a Tartiflette Toy, which is Tartiflette with Yorkshire Terrier tails.
WHERE IS THE FISH?!?!?!? You are sinking this kitchen because you refuse to ask for help. Jesus...fish.
Chef! We have run out of chocolate moose
Fine, then someone has to give him mouth full
fuck you guys!
[Inspects anon preparing wrong dish skeptically]
Here's the fish sprinkled with pepper
Op's satisfied btw
Still waiting on soup, wellingtons, and fish. Jesus this kitchen is shot to shit. 8 minutes to get it together, or you know what happens then.
Labrador poccine going in the microwave now, 2 minutes chef
>There had better be some damn good tea with this
Well fuck me for not knowing the difference between Chocolate milk and soup, it was an honest mistake live with it.
die in a fire. i'm going to try a new recipie
Shit well then get Shara to do it
Phew. It's done.
I hope nobody knocks it over
I'm still trying to figure out where you went wrong with the first attempt, but this is good. Order out. Keep it up! One more order. I'm not looking for learners, I'm looking for leaders. Who will step up to the plate?
Fine then be that way I hope it tastes like shit
*knocks it over*
YOU STUPID FUCK. I'M GOING TO KILL YOU.
(fuck. where did I put that fucking thing)
Dessert order up! I need 3 chocolate mousse milksouis, 2 cranberry meringues, and carmalised pineapple. Let's go people!!!
chief the wild nigger is out of the freezer again and he ate the fired chicken i just made
Manager-chef-sir i think that's a gag order probably from OP
But chef what in the world is a
You filthy pig! You FILTHY FRENCH PIG!!! What the fuck is wrong with you?!?!? I SAID MOUSSE MILKSOUIS!
Hwhat the hell did you just say about me, you giblet head? I’ll have you know I’m the only assistant manager of the best propane business around, and I’ve been involved in numerous propane emergencies, and I have over 300 confirmed saves. I am trained in propane accessories and I’m the top employee in our little company. You are everything to me, not just another customer. I will wipe propane tanks the heck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my got-dang words. You think you can get away with saying that crap to me over the Internet? Think again, buster. As we speak I am contacting the propane commissioner across the USA and your transaction is being traced right now so you better prepare for the meaty goodness, sir. The meaty goodness that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your taste buds. You’re using propane now, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can save your life in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in propane related accidents, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Propane Association and I will use it to its full extent to make sure that you leave our establishment with the new Vogner King grill. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your dang tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will convice you why propane Is better and you will consider the benefits of it. Taste the meat, not the heat, kiddo.
I cut myself ITS BLEEEDING!!
Cranberry meringue is done chef!
Fresh outta chocolate milk, how about a butter pecan Puerto Rican, Chef?
You call yourself a fucking chef and you can't do a cranberry meringue? Jesus Christ lad, there's not hope for you. You're done. Get out.
I suggest you do something about him cuz the health inspectors watching
'Scuse me, don't mean to bother you but I have a bit of a dirty fork.
B-b-but c...chef Im sorry.... Pleas give me another chance t-tt-this is all i have
Jesus CHRIST!!! Did I expect too much of you to do 3 simple orders? We've got black people running wild in the kitchen. Some Puerto Rican in the soup AND CHEFS WHO DON'T KNOW HOW TO FUCKING SPELL MERINGUE!!! HOW THE FUCK CAN I SERVE FOOD WITH A KITCHEN LIKE THIS? You're all a bunch of fucking donkeys. And now, you know what? We're shutting it down.
SHUT IT DOWN!
I've NEVER been more embarrassed in my life. YOU LOT ARE A FUCKING DISGRACE!!!
New song called "Fuck Gordon Ramsay" coming soon guys. -Lil B
You know what it was all that Bitch Sara's fault she cant do shit right
French fries! In MY fucking restaurant!? Does this look like a fucking fast food joint? FUCK OFF
good news guys. i killed chef. prepare his ribs we have an order up