I have around $10,000 a month in "off the books" income. I sell something from the Middle East (beauty product) here in North America, and I'm sitting on like $100,000 worth of cash in my house... just spread about everywhere.
How do I launder this money, and make it go from dirty to clean, so I can spend it properly?
It's getting to a point where I'm afraid of letting anyone into my house, or always watching my back. I'm also afraid to leave the house, in case I get robbed or something.
Is there any ways, without paying too much tax on the money? It's all in cash, small denomination bills (mostly 20s).
Because I work at minimum wage in retail, and if I bought everything in cash, then it would raise suspicions as to how I'm saving so much of my "income" while being able to survive and pay bills, right?
Start a small business selling a service, something like ''xf6Gi70e's lawncare". Do legitimate jobs people want. When you're not doing a job just make up jobs to put in your books and use your money stash to pay for the jobs, it might take a while but it'll work.
That's what I'm doing right now, I have a friend who makes $100k+ a year, and he buys what I need, and I give him cash, but he isn't able to spend "a lot" either, because he'll run into the same problem as me. "How is he writing $50,000 worth of checks on a $100k/year income?" "That's suspicious." So he's forced me to only do around $10,000 / year for the past year and a half or so. But lately he's slowly doing more and more, since nothing has happened so far, and his wife just started a business, so it's easier for him to write more checks.
Yes, I was debating doing that.
I was also thinking, at the same time, I could sell some of the antiques I have online, on PayPal or something, since I travel a lot and collect lots of things like statues of religious things.
I was thinking of setting up a website, and then putting a PayPal button on it, then go to the store and buy Prepaid Visa Cards, go on PayPal and use the card to pay for the item ($100 or something x 10 cards a week) and then take the money every week out of my PayPal and transfer it to my bank account.
The problem with this idea is that, I can't do it a lot, and PayPal will require me to give a billing address for the Prepaid Visa Card, and then I have no other address to give.
I have a son that lives somewhere else, so maybe I could give his address, but he earns minimum wage too, so it makes no sense that he would be buying $4000 a month in "antiques" so again, back at square one. I've found some ways to launder around $2000 / month, but still got like $8k left to be laundered every month!
The small business seems like the best bet right now, start up a few of them, one in the winter coming up for snow shovelling, and then make it "all over state snow services" so I can say I charged $500 for shovelling large driveways, and another $500 for the transportation to drive there. (would make different prices depending on how far my location is). This would let me do another $3k or $4k I guess, safely. Then I have another $4k to launder every month, so again, need something else to launder into, because I can't possible charge 10 people $1000 each to shovel a damn driveway. Then the more I open up, it will get more suspicious, "why is this guy opening up so many damn businesses" "suspicious".
Fuck, laundering is so fun, but man it's annoying as hell.
Because I'd rather pay 5% or 10% to launder, than pay 30% after corporate taxes, and employee income taxes for myself!
What would you rather do, $5000 to launder $100k, or lose 30% of your income?
You're probably right in that regard, but still, it would be risky.
Maybe I should do a mix of different things?
I always tell him to take an extra $50 or something, but he's a loyal friend, so he never does. I compensate for this by buying the coffees we get, or McDonalds, or paying like $10 or $20 for the groceries every now and then.
1) Buy gold coins from pawnshop in cash, they have never asked for any information
2) Start selling gold coins on ebay or at other coin shops
3) You have income from ebay sales from coins that have been in your family for years
I think this is pretty common as I remember awhile back there was some legislature that wanted to start tracking gold sales but fell through.
>implying pawnshops won't get suspicious as fuck when you buy large amounts of gold in cash
>implying any investigation into the gold at all won't fuck OP in the ass
>implying refining gold is easy
>implying you will be able to sell the bars to anyone, ever, even if you manage to refine them
Steam gift cards.
Drive around town and buy up all the Steam cards at Best Buy, Target, Walmart, etc. Redeem these cards to your Steam Wallet.
Use your Steam Wallet funds to purchase rare and expensive Team Fortress 2 hats.
Sell these hats to third-party vendors outside of Steam who will pay you in cash.
Your new hat money is now clean.
>How do I launder this money, and make it go from dirty to clean, so I can spend it properly?
It's called reporting your income to the IRS. Then you will be able to spend it however you want.
There are many things you could do.
Have a yardsale one per month where you "earn" 3000usd. That will do about 36k already
Give 10k to a couple of rich friends and they give you 10k back as a gift.
That'll be maybe 20-30k per year
Rest you can just live off
The feds are in on it right away.
Buy banker's/cashier's check - the ones where you pay cash to a bank and get a check issued (which is guaranteed to be paid). Now I don't remember the specifics or the limits on cash that you can get a check issued for without triggering the AML checks. Worked on a compliance project for a US bank 3 years ago. That'll be only the fees for purchasing the check and to expedite you could consider buying it in names of your family and associates, if you can trust them.
You put your money straight into the machine, cash it immediately, and it issues you a ticket. You take the ticket up to the teller and they give you the cash.
What the receipt doesn't actually state is how much money you put into the machine, just your winnings.
Should also mention that you'd probably want to vary which casinos/pokies you go to regularly and to ensure that you keep transactions under 10k. There's mandatory transaction and suspicious matter reporting, both of which get people caught.
You are a fucking nobody. Noone is going to notice your spending habits especially since they're in cash you retarded faggot. Do you think dollars have DNA readers that are sent to the government?
invest in a "used furniture store" that "takes donations" from "old people when they die"
just sell a bunch of "donated furniture" to "students" for "cash" and put it in your books.
Easy as that.
This is how you get money out of mainland china and exceed the capital outflow limits. Go to macau, put money through casino, bring to US, canada, AU, NZ and purchase a house. As it's already been said OP, the money IS legitimate, laundering cash is for the mafia and drug cartels to turn their profits into clean bank accounts. You have to pay tax.
I've been doing the same shit for a while. Just try to get approved on a loan for a business and start up a business (doesn't matter if it fails, you'll have money to pay them back IF it does) after you open up invest your dirty money into it and the revenue that comes from the business cleans the money up. Just put low amount into the business and gradually go from there.
>OP has an ostensibly legitimate business selling beauty products
>everyone tells him to 'launder' the money by setting up another business, so that he can convert his legitimate business income into falsified business income
>his second business is then taxed on the income of both businesses, based on his false accounts
Genius. Trust /biz/ to find a way to commit fraud while still having exactly the same liability to pay tax.
If the goal is to avoid tax, you either need to hide the income (ie DO NOT have it on the books of any business) or find a way to make the income exempt from tax, or at least subject to tax at a much lower rate. The latter option would typically involve complex international structuring, which wouldn't be worth it for such a small amount of money.
Filtering money through a business only makes sense if the money was obtained illegally, and you want to make it seem like it was earned through a legitimate business. But obviously if you make it seem like the money was earned through a business, you have to pay tax on it. That's how businesses work. If you're going to prepare false accounts for the purpose of avoiding tax, you need to understate your profits, not overstate them.
Correct me if I am wrong, but isn't starting a legitimate business and funneling your illicit money through it so you can pay taxes on it the exact definition of money laundering? Is biz really this retarded?
Just spend the cash.
If you are afraid of getting robbed get a safe or deposit box.
>You could launder your money no joke by buying skins and stuff off of steam and selling them off for cash. You will just need to buy some of those paypal or visa online prepay cards.
Now correct me if I'm wrong, but I always thought of setting up a non profit for money laundering.
1. Setup the non profit with you as the sole employee. Make it in something digital (holding promotional webinars for your ideas or whatever)
2. Do the bare minimum work for the non profit
3. Setup donations via bitcoin
4. Find a secure way to buy bitcoins with the cash
5. Have a trusted friend (that rich friend that OP has) own the bitcoin account
6. Bitcoin account owner makes anonymous donations to the non profit
7. Create bogus events or costs to write everything off and give yourself an absurd base salary (after all, you are the sole employee running the non profit)
That's not how it works. You will have corporate expenses that will be write offs. If you run a semi legit business, you can write off cell phone, miles on your car, a percentage of your rent and utilities, clothes (safety equipment), health care costs .... the last goes on and on.
digital alchemy stuff only goes so far. It'll be tried in court by preponderance of the evidence.
Most plausible mentions so far, from best to worst, are
1. don't launder at all.
3. receive it as donations to your church, which will draw attention but can't really be doubted.
4. start a business. Everyone's mentioning starting fake businesses in markets that already have stable prices (ex. lawn mowing). If you want to claim incomes of different magnitudes and inconsistent amounts, you'll need a more niche and oddly-priced service. I'd say either something some super-techy niche service that no one needs, or some type of life coach which can have a variety of types of clients.
seriously though. just pay the damn tax on your legitimate business.
go buy luxury items with the cash (watches, jewelry, handbags, clothes)
the jewelry/watches you can turnover at a modest loss on resale. return the clothes and handbags and ask for a company check as the refund
you wouldn't have to buy much. I could blow 100K in an hour if I had to
This. your fears are unwarranted.
Just spend all your cash on items that can be paid for in cash.
Finally, the biggest way to avoid taxes is via a business. So create a small business on paper, and start declaring that cash you are bringing in, but at the same time, buy a bunch of shit that you need and declare it as a business expense. So your car, clothes, meals, are all of the sudden business expenses. you can take this logic very far.
My brother worked for the IRS for a year. he said they are primarily interested in big fish, guys that are evading $100k+ in taxes per year.
>give a trusted friend the cash
>have him buy diamonds
>hide diamonds in something plain but fairly cheap (like in a purse in a box of purses)
>take it to the police and say you found it laying in your yard
>wait 90 days
The IRS doesn't have unfettered access to your bank accounts. That's NSA or other security agencies type of shit. If the security agency passed on the tip to the IRS and then the IRS just so happened to audit you, that's one thing, but the IRS itself cannot go through citizens bank accounts without opening an audit situation.
Meaning they can't go trolling for unexplained income. There are only certain things that are reported to the IRS and other institutions (legally) that they might use to connect the dots (1099's, large singular deposits, over 20 credit card transactions), but not dipping into private information without the informed consent of the taxpayer and the taxpayer providing those records.
This was how it's done for ages, but they are working with casino's now.
Every country has their version of Austrac so don't start trying to deposit stuff, even amounts under the threshold, the computer software is on to that as well.
You need to start a business , open a business bank account, write invoices up in quickbooks ( my 65 dad can do this it's easy ) and each week deposit your earnings.
Lawn mowing round, market stall etc , have you ever wondered why motorcycle gangs own tattoo parlours and they get firebombed by other gangs ? Its where they launder their money.
10k per month.. alright not kiddy level but still mire then manageable.
1) Create ebay account and sell arty clocks for 10k each. 1 clock per month and you are done. Btw any art will do. Make sure to ship it so you have FedEx proof. Bonus if it's sending to Russia.
2) become a Web designer for an international customer and just do nothing and say all revenue is to pay foreigner to work for u.
3) here is the kicker.. get an offshore bank account in the country of your customer.
Basically anything where you sell a none standard rate service for foreign clients
It's too bad that it won't be the IRS that does the investigating, but FinCEN. And depositing $9k in cash every month is a sure way to get investigators on your ass.
Banks are required to report cash transactions over $10k, as well as cash transactions that appear to be broken up in order to avoid the reporting limit.
As an accountant, this is dumb as hell. "A business is a separate entity from its owners". That's COMM 101 stuff. You live in a country where the NSA is a reality. Postgrads and professors make it their life's work to hunt this shit down, and with automation it's pathetically easy to get flagged for auditing.
If you are concerned about protecting your currency (which is physically so small a child's backpack could contain it), invest in a safe. If you want to be protected under the umbrella of the law, obey the law.
Want my advice? Take it to H&R Block or any other Tax Preparation office, ask for a fiduciary advisor. They're as legally bound to provide maximum help, to the same degree as a lawyer or a doctor. If you file before the IRS sends their summons, you will never get charged with anything. Ever. And that's a fact you can take to the bank.
I'm pretty sure the IRS and the feds won't get on your ass as long as you slowly "filter" the money into everyday purchases, use it to order food delivery and pay in cash, etc. Just don't throw it all into a deposit or something because that's fishy.
Breaking deposits to be under the reporting threshold is more suspecious than just having the 10k report in the first place. Your 10k deposit reports might get looked at. Your suspecious activity report for dodging tax forms WILL get investigsted.
Confirmed. Seeing repeated transactions done monthly in the same amount is obvious as hell. Especially when people are buying things like prepaid mastercard/visa gift cards in thousand odd increments. I can't tell you how much that stands out to us in a bank.
How do you even get 10k a month in cash? Do they mail you the physical bills?
Sorry for the stupid question. I really have no idea how this works.
>cmon don't leave us hanging bro.
>The guy is from SA I'm from Europe
Man, the Feds are getting lazier every day.
Yeah seriously. Pay 15% se tax on your net income every month. No reason to crash a successful business into the ground because of muh taxes.
You realize that only maybe 1 in 10 businesses reach your level of success? Are you really as dumb as jack to kill your gold egg laying goose?
>If you have RMB, you take that cash to Macau
if you could do that you could take it out of the country too
you have to use junkets to gamble in Macau due to currency controls - Macau uses HKD and MOP not RMB
Not necessarily. You don't have to start a business. It's during "dirty" money into "clean" money.
If you read my suggestion. I don't suggest he launder it. I suggest he just make his business fully legit and pay taxes. This isn't laundering. This is running a business.
I also suggested that if he wanted to offset taxes that he could still keep some amount of the money "dirty" and just use it to pay his expenses.
So to answer your question. Yes, apparently /biz/ is this retarded, they have a grade school reading comprehension.
Buying and selling are different things. I'm sure most don't ask too many question when buying. The problem is selling your gold without being able to prove ownership to one of these places
>invest all cash into gold bullion
>bury it in your back yard
>at best the gold gets taken away from you, at worst you'll do time for money laundering because the only way to prove ownership of the gold would be a week old receipt
If it's all actual cash, why do you need it laundered?
Just spend it on your usual living expenses (groceries, gas, maybe see a movie or go to the zoo) and save your legitimate money from work?
Pay for daily expenses in cash. Stuff like gas etc groceries and all consumer items. Keep your big purchases on card, and withdraw some money from time to time. Be a good man and offer tithes to church with that money since the church won't report you to the IRS or ask you to explain where this flush of cash came from.
My best friend is a major drug dealer here in philly and he launders his money in casinos. He just buys chips and plays poker all night then cashed out in the morning. He also rents cheap corner stores and claims drug money as sales every month
I know this may seem retarded, why not take out a loan for a business, house, anything that would increase in value. While slowly paying it off with legitimate money, protected by a hopeful growth in equity. You're not doing anything truly illegal, I'd rather just pay tax and have my money in a safer place than under a mattress.