ITT: Embarrassing cooking stories
>My cool aunt comes to visit me and my mother
>"Ah anon, I heard you can cook"
>I tell my aunt that I can make some awesome chili
>She wants me to prepare some for her to eat
>I make a huge pot of it
>She eats and really enjoys it
>Hours later, while we're watching television together
>She makes a soft moan and releases a loud fart
>"Ah~ Sorry anon" while she looks at me with bedroom like eyes
>My mom scorns her while I'm popping fat boner
I can't,I just can't...why did this happen, my aunt is hot but the fact that I got aroused by her blowing a fart is fucking with me now.
>I don't WANT to be THAT...but would it be wrong to sniff her dirty panties?
>If I do it one time and just jerk off, would I be bad?
Yeah mate, it's too late for you. You're officially a creeper now.
Godamnit, let me stop lying.
I want to feed my hot milf aunt my chili so I can record her farting in the bathroom and when she showers, I'm going to sniff her dirty farty panties.
There, I'm sick but I'm still going to do it. She made me do it with her boner inducing moans from farting.
So what all you need to do is mention the word cooking and name a dish to shitpost on this board? Because all the replies so far have not one fucking thing associated with cooking except one guy that just mentions the word "chili"
>She made me do it with her boner inducing moans from farting.
No. You're a weirdo and I hope your family catches you in the act and finally evict you from your basement. Go back to posting your poop and pee bottles on r9k.
"You had an arse full of farts that night, darling, and I fucked them out of you, big fat fellows, long windy ones, quick little merry cracks and a lot of tiny little naughty farties ending in a long gush from your hole. It is wonderful to fuck a farting woman when every fuck drives one out of her. I think I would know Nora’s fart anywhere. I think I could pick hers out in a roomful of farting women. It is a rather girlish noise not like the wet windy fart which I imagine fat wives have. It is sudden and dry and dirty like what a bold girl would let off in fun in a school dormitory at night. I hope Nora will let off no end of her farts in my face so that I may know their smell also."
>Be drunk as shit
>have an amazing ability to hide how drunk i am
>offer to cook for girlfriend and her family
>boil potatoes for 1 minute
>added them to the water whilst it was cold, literally they never boiled
>cubed them and peeled
>put them in a frying pan
>added pasta sauce and any dry herb i could see
>broke up parts of burger into the pan
>to top it off i poured the rest of my beer in, because flavor
>they prodded at the rock hard potatoes as i munched down on it like it was a gift from the gods
>realize what i did the next morning and forever regret it every time they politely make excuses to avoid me cooking anything
It's a hundred years old and it was a private letter, not meant to be published. You're just uncultured, man.
>Start to watch football with my dad a few years ago
>Never watched sports before
>Enjoyed the bonding
>After 2 games the next one was the Superbowl
>Dad was having a superbowl party
>I offer to make a tasty guacamole dip
>he accepts, says it will be good to show my achievements to his friends who think I am a loser
>can make a nice guacamole dip but don't want to keep it so simple
>decide to do something special
>buy a Green Bay Packers football Jersey online
>cut it into pieces and mix them in with the guacamole
>don't think it through
>Superbowl day comes
>I proudly present my guacamole
>dad and friends take some chips and start dipping into it
>''hey what the fuck is this?'' says one of his friends
>''did this guy put a fucking shirt in the Guacamole?''
>laugh and say ''i--its my PACKERmole!''
>they all act really angry
>''Are you trying to choke us to death? hey, anons dad, what the fuck is wrong with this kid?''
>As my 'punishment' they make me take off the clean football jersey I bought for myself and eat an entire bag of chips, making sure to rub each one onto the jersey because ''shirt is my favourite flavour''
>they still give me shit for it now but I cooked some times since then and they realise I am good at cooking
No, the exact opposite is true. It's normal to be attracted to (somewhat distant, you don't usually see your aunt much) family members.
OP is a fartfag. Resign yourself to /d/, you wretched creature.
>go on /ck/
>thread about cooking stories that went wrong
>story about being turned on by ones aunt farting
>girlfriend rips ass in bed
>go sniff the toilet
tell me about your chili you fucking pervert