This is you.
You are a pretty average person with no overwhelmingly notable attributes or anything that makes you exceedingly special.
That is about to change.
One day you were out on a jog, because that is a thing you do.
Then you fell into the city's local toxic waste dump, because those are things that absolutely exist, and you're also sort of an idiot.
You miraculously didn't die or even get injured from the 50 foot fall, and didn't end up with any immediately obvious deformities to your person!
Also you got super powers.
Post ending in 7 decides what powers.
Holy shit look at you go.
You are being supernaturally average.
This is the most spectacular moment of your life.
Post ending in 7 decides what you do with your newfound incredible power.
>The power to incredibly more average than anyone has ever been
I have a neutral feeling about this thread.
Golly-gee your life is going places, that's for damn sure.
You take up the mantle of Person Man.
Look at how happy you are about this. Man you are psyched.
Suddenly, you hear about a crime on a nearby radio with your completely average hearing.
Post ending in 7 decides the crime.
that's the point, anon. /r9k/ hypes that shit so hard, even the average feel inadequate.
I'd include the screencap of a thread where a guy bought shoes with lifts even though he's 6 feet tall, but the archive is down.
Well, looks like your completely average hearing kept you from completely hearing about the crime in progress.
But you heard the location! So you start to job there at a completely average pace.
You are quick as lightning. Average lightning. That's really slow. Whoosh.
I'm sure you'll figure out the crime when you get to the scene of it.
The crime scene is about a mile away. Post ending in 7 says what you find when you get there in roughly 8 minutes.
>the most average, mundane comic about the most average mundane person doing the most average mundane things
so you can feel better at being a complete fuck up in life. At least, you'll think, that your life is better but in reality, he's doing more than you'd ever do in a lifetime.
IT WAS MEEEEEEE ALLL ALONG BARRYYYYYY!!!!!!!
REVERSE FLASH THREAD!
YOU CANT STOP THE HYPE
Angry neckbeard harassing SJWs on twitter
Wow got it in the first response.
Looks like you guys had to make up for taking so long last time.
You finally arrive and find a nondescript nightclub.
You'd never heard of this one before, but you're sure this is the place!
Post 7 decides how you enter to confront your new-found system cheating nemisiseseseseses.
Ever the responsible citizen, you call into the IRS tip line on your reasonably prices and average smart phone with a completely acceptable data limit.
They inform you that they already know about the bears commiting fraud, and will take care of it.
You use your average detective skills to figure out that that makes sense since you heard about it on the radio.
Mission success! You sure pulled that off.
What do you do next? Post 7 decides.
Wow. You pick up a newspaper from the nearby newspaper stand disperser thing whatever those are called.
You flip through it to the classified sections. Lotts really EXCITING options!
Sure is good you keep your resume on you at all times.
Post ending in 7 decides what job you apply for first.
>google anal cow
God damn, what have we done.
His powers literally contradicts everything. Maybe he has an average lifespan of all animals on the planet. Average intellect of all the creatures in the universe. He is the average man of literally everything.
You respond to the classified in the normal way, and call them up.
You tell them about your actual real super powers, and how you would absolutely bring in some rock solid average ratings for their company.
They ask you to e-mail your resume, which you do.
Wow how exciting. Maybe you should bulk up with some steroids before they ask for an interview.
What's the best way to get steroids? Post ending in 7 decides.
Well the drug store sounds like the best place to get some steroids.
Luckily, it's still early enough in the evening, that the drug store should still be open, and it's not too far from here.
How do you go about getting there? Post ending in 7 decides.
Double 7 means we skip the last action, and jump RIGHT to the action.
You inform the cashier how real your super powers are, and that you need steroids to be a better super hero.
She tells you steroids are illegal and asks you to leave the store.
You insist that it's for the good of humanity! You're a real life super hero with real life super powers!
She again asks you to leave the store before she calls the cops.
What do you do? Post ending in 7 decides.
>Tries to rape the woman
>She screams for help
>mfw he fails
>mfw he goes to jail
>mfw rest of story will be about prison justice
Well this was inevitable.
Your first thought is to rape the cashier for being so unhelpful.
Then something buzzes in your brain. Is this an average response? Is the average man a rapist? Was tumblr right all along?
You start to rethink this whole raping deal. Maybe it'd lead to some dark places, and sex is really hard to draw.
Do you go through with it? Post ending in 7 decides.
Maybe it's a philosophical thing and how all humans need of violence to control themselves or something.
>turning into a superhero with no powers just to get steroids and become a wrestler after telling the IRS to get rid of some bears doing illegal things that you haven't even seen and was probably just a false accusation before going to the drug store to ask the cashier for drugs before thinking about raping her and then murdering her is an average dream
That's the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard.
Oh that's a much more level-headed and average response.
BANG. You shoot her square in the head. Of course you carry a gun. All average men carry guns in this city.
So you guess that solves that problem. What was the problem again? You can't remember.
Where do you stash the murder weapon? P:ost ending in 7 decides.
Get hit on the head with a frying pan.
Open up her chest, put it in there. They won't find any traces of your DNA on it because hers will be all over it.
Your completely average intelligence is not at all coming into question with these recent actions.
Her vagina! Perfect! No one would ever think to look there for a murder weapon!
What could go wrong?
Post ending in 7 decides what immediately goes wrong.
Your arch rival, Man Person, appears from inside of the woman's body. He's called the cops already.
Whelp. Time for a Reboot, OP.
Thank god he was an average American man with a gun.
I cannot imagine that cashier's thoughts in heaven right now.
Some crazy man walks in, acts like he's a superhero, asks for illegal drugs, rape-stares at her, then shoots her before shoving a gun up her cunt.
I almost feel sorry for her.
Oh god the gun went off again how did that happen oh god.
It ricochets off of the cashiers rock-hard vagina.
You feel an immense amount of pain. Clearly the bullet managed to hit you.
But you can't tell where it hurts--It just hurts all over.
Where did the bullet hit you? Post ending in 7 decides.
Your head feels really fuzzy again. But not in the good way.
Oh god the bullet his your head. You can feel your super powers slowly draining out of your body.
Bullets! One of your many many weaknesses!
How did the cashier KNOW? Something feels off. Very off.
Oh god. Are you dying? Post ending in 7 decides.
>caring about an average person who wasnt even that average
quads puts the final nail in the completely average coffin
Well he was.
He had average stupid goals. Like being a wrestler.
Wanted the easy way out. Steroids.
Went the easiest way to get them, drug store.
Took the dumbest choices when he freaked out.
Finally he made a fatal mistake trying to cover his crime.
Would any of us have done more? Would any of us have done less?
You collapse on top of the cashier. You died.
That's too bad.
What do you do next? Post ending in 7 decides.
Holy shit you guys, what if his powers don't make him average at all? What if his powers make everything he does completely average for all of society? What if everyone else is now murder gun raping themselves to death?
>murderer in a superhero costume found dead while shoving gun up a cashier's unmentionables, Tallahassee, FL
>camera records a man walking up to the cashier and asking for illegal drugs. When faced with denial, he pauses before brutally shooting the cashier to death. Attempting to hide the murderweapon up the cashier's privates, it misfires and fatally kills him. Police may have suspected him to be mentally insane for he recently called the IRS about bears committing crime and was wearing a makeshift superhero costume at the time of the murder. More news at 6
Well it could be interpreted in several ways. Perhaps he could keep up a perfectly constant average speed for the exactly average amount of time based on age, gender, and socioeconomic status. Or perhaps he truly is average now, since the majority of all people who have ever lived are dead.
Maybe that was it anon. Maybe by trying to be totally average was his way to feel special. Yet what we see as his failure he managed to achieve what he truly wanted. He managed to live on in the hearts of us all, that maybe he wasn't just average at all. But a fucking weirdo.
Hey guys OP here.
So that happened. That was a thing that happened.
Great job all around. I guess. Yeah yay go team.
So should we start a new thing? I think we should start a new thing.
Post ending in 5 decides the new super power.
How could this idea possibly backfire?
We're the ones who wrote most of the important parts of the story so it's our fault, really.
No, his depressing backstory would prevent him from doing bad unless it's doing bad to bad.