>>70693767 I've been sitting on this one for a while, and I'd really like to get some feedback on it. What do you think, /co/?
>it's pretty much Zelda from another perspective >the Link stand-in (named Lionel) is a Gilderoy-Lockheart-esque arrogant prick who forgot what being a hero meant after he slayed the demon plaguing the kingdom a few years ago >the story revolves more around Shopkeep, the potions guy, as well as Lionel's older brother, who feels he deserves more credit than Lionel, since he would've died if not for Shopkeep's potions >Shopkeep gets fed up with Lionel's fame in his hometown and leaves his shop, seeking recognition elsewhere >soon after his departure, the monster Lionel killed, Urswine, returns in a weaker but still threatening human form (Ganondorf stand-in), hell-bent on retaking the kingdom and killing Lionel >Lionel attempts to make a stand but realizes that without his brother's potions, it's hopeless >runs off to find him so he can save the day >they meet up, and Shopkeep agrees to help him on this quest, hoping he can gain some respect this way >the rest of the show is their adventures trying to get to the king's castle to warn him of the impending danger and brew some helpful potions to stop Urswine, who is pursuing them with his army
That's really just the basics, and I know that just from that, it doesn't sound too great. But I've put a lot of thought into it, and I just didn't want to make this post longer than it has to be.
>>70694145 1.Did the brother sell Lionel the potions? If he did, then his jealousy is unjustified.
2.Is the brother the only one with the potions? Why couldn't Lionel just buy them from someone else?
3.If Lionel needed his brother for the potions, surely the town needs them as well, wouldn't leaving put the town at risk?
Also remember to create a set of rules and parameters when dealing with magic stuff. It's easy to make a mcguffin, plot point, and deus-ex potion, but you run the risk of losing your audience if every problem can be solved without an explanation or consequence.
Ask yourself, How difficult is it to make a potion? How expensive are potions? How powerful can a potion be as opposed to say a wizard?
>>70694335 1. Lionel gave a hired errand-boy the money and had him buy the potions, so that he wouldn't have to stop adventuring and get back to town for these, just get them handed to him.
2.He's not exactly the only one with the potions, he's just the best in the business when it comes to these things. Plus, as much of an ass as Lionel may seem, buying solely from his brother is his way of supporting him and helping him out.
3.Business in the potions industry is slow, I kind of picture it like the newspaper industry in real life. Yeah, we use them, but there are also other ways to accomplish the same means. The potions are only truly useful to people in constant danger, so only Lionel.
I have considered the whole ass-pull aspect of the potions, and plan to write down a list of the potions Shopkeep will have on him, what they can do, how long they last, so on and so forth, and be sure the situations they get put in can't all be solved so easily. As for difficulty, price, and potency, that's being figured out, but definitely something I'm on top of. I really want this to be actually good, so the input is appreciated. Thanks!
I'd do it in two parts. Two "seasons" if you will, though a season is not enough for each plot.
The first would begin with a rather peaceful time that is interrupted by dark forces. People don't know where they come from, but legends and stories from the past pin them down as some kind of remnant of a past failed world trying to reclaim this one. The honest truth is that they're mooks and mostly serve as a "Big Bad Evil" for the main characters to stop while various political machinations are the focus of the story.
The story centers around a guy who wanted to be a blacksmith. He works for an old man who used to be part of the army, but retired into a seemingly calmer life as an artisan. They spend much of their opening scene discussing the point that people don't need armor or weapons much around these parts anymore. Though the old man is glad for that, he does miss some of that as particularly good magical items are a lot of fun to craft. He seems to make do with shoeing the horses and making/fixing tools though for the small farming community.
Of course, this doesn't last. Mooks of Darkness attack the small village, and though things go mostly poorly, a small contingency of people make it out. Mostly young men and a few women and children. People who can fight and run pretty well. They go on to another town to take refuge and warn of the coming evil. Sadly, most people don't believe them. Fairy tales and legends. It isn't until this main character takes control of the situation from a haughty, high ranking but sorely incapable knight that they're able to drive back the invasion. Being prepared, they're able to save the town... unlike his own.
It's then that the main character is showered with praise. He tries to play it down, but the old man blacksmith that he learned much of his stuff from is jovial and tells him that it's rude to act ungrateful for the praise. He relents and enjoys the revelry and decides to travel with his mentor to make sure other places learn of the invasion, as the old legends handed down tell of unspeakable numbers. Leaving the town in capable hands with people who are prepared to defend it, he feels quite confident that they'll be okay as he rides to the capitol with a new companion. The party is at three people now. Main character, Old man, and Young boy who is inspired by heroics. He wants to fight too, but instead old man is content to teach him how to be a blacksmith instead. The young boy of course wants to learn to fight and lead like the main character, not realizing that much of his ability is owed to the old man.
Insert here a lot of crazy story arcs about monsters of the week and general plot build up. Each time he saves a town, he finds himself learning more and more about the legends. How the Mooks of Darkness were put to bed for literally hundreds of years last time. He starts to hear about a hero of legend, a great and powerful hero that led the world in a rally against these evil forces and inspired them with his abilities. As his fame grows, he is compared over and over to this hero... all the while confiding in the old man that the comparisons scare him.
The old man once again tells him that it's a bit rude to denounce it, that he should be happy for the comparison even if it is a bit off and the details don't quite match. The old man is tempered, but sees the prophecy as a way to provide people hope. The young boy who wants to be just like him dedicates more time to smithing, believing very seriously in the whole prophecy thing. The old man doesn't have the heart to correct him, giving a tender but knowing wink to the main character who just plays along.
Things are getting scary of course. People are beginning to note that despite the heroes arrival, the forces of darkness are growing stronger. It's getting harder and harder for people, especially in the small towns to fight off these dark things. The main character is of course charged with finding out how the previous hero handled it -- after all, he's the legendary hero of this time! The main character is a little upset, but looking at the people who he wants to save he takes the charge in stride. "Yeah, I can do this. Maybe I am that hero." He thinks to himself.
It takes a great deal of struggle and hardship, but after seeking out the greatest scholars of the land and the most learned historians they realize that this knowledge is lost to time. It was just too long ago, and there's no way to know how the world was saved in the times of legend. But one thing they do run across is a story. A story of how the capitol was formed and founded by the legendary hero, and that a magical weapon was left behind to mark his successor if the world ever needed him again. Something about how he would return in another mind, another body and would be marked by a brilliant flash of heavenly light upon drawing his mythical sword.
Cue here a journey back to the capitol with knowledge in hand. The people are happy to see him return, most of them weary from defending their towns and families from the onslaught of the Mooks of Darkness. They eagerly anticipate a lavish, proud ceremony boasting that it was the hero's return. The main character attempts to summon the brillinat flash of heavenly light... but nothing happens. Less than nothing really. In his hands, it seems to be a normal sword and the panic spreads slowly at first. Then quickly. People denounce the main character as a charlatan, a fraud. The people begin to wonder how they'll ever win, spreading doomsday predictions quickly.
It's then that the little boy stands up and draws the sword. Still, no brilliant flash of heavenly light flows, but armed with a shoddy bit of armor and a shield and this legendary sword he trudges through the crowd silently. He's going to battle. The main character looks on sadly, and wracked with guilt, he begins to cry -- feeling like he let down his biggest supporter. The old man stands too, picking up his weapon and trudging to the battlefield to face the onslaught. The main character then publicly shames the crowd out loud, and after a speech about hardship and beliefs and not really knowing what to do when people started calling him a hero up and leaves for the battlefield as well.
The dark army consumes the three small figures on the battlefield. There is no heavenly light, no deus ex machina. Though they're small figures in the distance, we are assured that they do not survive.
The crowd watches in abject horror... most of them hopeful for a miracle, but as they watch the 3 main characters fall in battle things go from bad to worse. The capitol city is attacked, but various people who were helped by the main characters begin to give orders to the soldiers remaining. Each with a flashback about how the main characters struggled and survived, how they met difficult or impossible odds head on. The invasion is repelled. Slowly but surely, the people get a foothold in the war until slowly, the mooks of darkness just stop attacking altogether. People wonder where they went... why they went. Occasionally people still hear of attacks, but they're much smaller and easier to stop. People still die, but there's no threat to the over all world.
The epilogue is a statue dedicated to the main characters. An old man. A young man. A boy. Armed with the bare minimum of gear. It is old and decrepit, and people wonder why such an ugly and plain statue is even in the bright, shining town.
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