Hey /d/ i need your help,
Earlier i was enjoying some arachnid doujins,
when suddenly i felt a tingling on my thigh, when i went to flick it away, i felt it now on my other thigh.
when I looked down it had jumped on to my shirtless chest. there was a huge brown recluse on me, so I panicked and tried to kill it while tring not to awaken anybody else in the house, but i couldnt get it.
TL:DR spider attacked while jerking off, and now i cant rest easy until its dead, and worse off, i was left blue balled.
I need a new temp fetish i can enjoy until I know this fucker is dead.
Please help a brother out.
>not realizing that the spider had been watching you for years unnoticed
>it had spent all this time admiring you from afar
>discovers you have a thing for spidergirls, thinks it might have a chance with you
>tries to build enough confidence to actually interact with you but is incredibly shy
>today was the day though
>tries to seductively brush up against you initially, hoping that you would notice it
>however, all you do is try to brush her away
>no matter, it came this far, there was no point in turning back now
>it tries a more direct approach, tries to sexily pounce on your chest
>finally, your gaze comes across her
>"This is it! Anon has finally noticed me! Now it's time to make my feelings known..."
>she blushes for a moment and manages to say the words "Anon, I...."
>but before it can even finish the sentence you react in immediate horror
>you callously try to squish the one thing in life that's deeply and madly in love with you
>all it can do is attempt to dodge your flailing limbs as she pleads for you to stop, almost on the verge of tears
>sadly, it falls on deaf ears as you continue your uncaring actions with complete disregard to what she might feel
>soon it realizes that you'll never reciprocate her feelings
>it finally realizes her attempts were futile all along and finally leaves as to not bother you any longer
>even now you continue to search for it with murderous intentions
>now a broken shell of her former self, all it can do is quietly weep in the corner of your room
>”I was a fool for thinking anon would ever love something as ugly as me…. And how could they? I’m a monster in his eyes!”
>with her hopes of a romantic relationship dashed, it has nothing left to live for
You may think you haven’t accomplished your goal you’ve already succeeded in killing it. It may still be breathing, but you've done something far worse, you killed that spider’s spirit. The spider wasn’t the monster anon, it was you all along.
Christ, anon is a heartless, stone cold bastard....
>this is literally the first thing in ages on 4chan to make me stop, read and give a fuck
>you may congratulate yourself anon
By the gods, that is the best thing I've seen here in ages.
Starboy says fap to forced toothbrushing! The upside is that your mouth will always feel clean and spider-free!
... On the other hand this guy's right. Go confront her and confess your feelings.
If it's a guy spider... Well... One hole or another, right?
No, brown recluses exists to murder you and will do everything they can to kill you...better make sure you don't have a nest or you're fucked.
Other spider species tend to generally be bros, though.
>implying a brown recluse waifu isn't just super tsundere for you
>"You jerk! I only bit you because I felt threatened!"
>"I-It's not like I like you or anything!"
>*you flailing on the floor screaming as the bite slowly necroses*
I think a yandere spider waifu would be cuter.
>"I-I saw you with your girlfriend..."
>"I just had to bite her..."
>"I don't like you being with other girls.... I-If I can't have you, then no one can~"
Who's the black giant dick
That draws sex machines for all all the chicks?
Ya damn right!
Who is the man who draws dick necks
On shoulders, man?
Can you fap to it?
Who's the catboy who won't cop out
When there's penis all about?
They say this cat Shaft is a bad MILF
SHUT YOUR MOUTH!
I'm talkin' 'bout Shaft.
THEN WE CAN FAP TO IT!
He's a hentai lover man
But no one understands his fetish cept his board.
You're lucky the bitch didn't bite you in spite. I was going to post a wiki link, but apparently that constitutes "advertisement" under article 11 of the 4-chan rulebook.
Anyhow, you don't want to have a relationship with a brown recluse. No matter her advances, she is a femme fatalie. And though her bite might not always be fatal, this is the one relationship where you truly are better safe than sorry.
That said, I wish you best of luck in the restoration of the proper functionality of your boner, and happy fapping ;)