Do moms have any fucking idea how uncomfortable they make everyone in the room when they mire your gainz?
>mom loudly mires my arms and traces my the outline of my tricep
>everyone frowns concernedly and agrees with her
>thankfully someone else chagnes the subject.
For fucks sake. Maybe I should just be glad someone is noticing me.
DO they actually want the dick or are they just clueless about how their behavior comes across?
>is it weird for aunts to slap your ass?
Yes. It is made more or less weird depending on her personality.
A DYEL friend of my dad did the whole "hurr durr lets comparatively flex and see who is bigger" thing to me while I was making my dinner. Fucking insecure midlife crisis asshole.
Its the opposite for me. My mom only complains that i got too big. When theres a family gathering she only mentions the absurd amount of food i eat daily.
I guess if youre embarrased do what i did, go all out bearmode.
exactly why i wear sweats and baggy clothes at home all the time. If I ever go out with her, I'll be wearing a jacket or baggy clothes still. Don't care if I look ugly as fuck
>just got off my first shift at a formal clothing store
>at Walmart finding long sleeve undershirts
>wearing my nice Danier leather bomber jacket w/ a scarf, hair slicked and in an upcut
>run into a neighbour/mom of a childhood friend
>she's out with her daughter and her daughter's friends
>"Oh hey anon! You're dressed well, what's the occasion?"
>"Got a new job, I have to dress like this"
>"You look hot!"
>her daughter/daughter's friends visibly cringe behind her
>"Aha thank you! Appearance is important in sales, you know that."
>"You should be a model or something"
>continue small talk for another few short moments before breaking off and saying goodbye
I can't believe I didn't 'sperg out. Seeing the other people cringe probably gave me the confidence to continue calm and cool. Fuckin embarrassing for them, tho.
It used to happen a lot. Not so much anymore. This happened mostly Before I even fucking lifted. Now I do lift and have great aesthetics and she is not giving me the chance to show off muh gains
oh stahp it, don't feed my ego I'm already all keyed up
come to think of it, I've been getting a lot of "Why aren't you a model, anon?" comments lately (FYI soccermom1966, I'm not a model because my agency is shit). Feelsgoodman, but I don't know how to properly take a compliment. I always throw a string of compliments back at them even though I know not to.
>Started lifting when I was 16
>I remember benching 140lbs the first time
>My like all moms was proud
>Mom died a few years later
>Didn't start lifting again till this year
>She's not around to see
> Anon pull your pants down and show your aunts how big your penis is, they don't believe me
I had a dream where my mom died, I was really upset that I didn't call her more often. I should call more often.
It's extra fucked because it's my 84 year old grandma
>eating fucking christmas dinner
>anon you're young i bet you wake up with an erection every morning
>uhhhh i guess
>entire family and extended family cringes
later in the evening
>anon has been dating that asian gal for awhile now
>she's only with him because he's a big white man
>nah grandma we love each other
>you've probably got the biggest willy she's ever seen
there is seriously something wrong with her. on one had i fucking hate her for constantly embarrassing me, but on the other hand i weirdly respect just how much she doesn't give a fuck.
>you've probably got the biggest willy she's ever seen
Some old ladies just don't give a fuck and purposely IRL troll people/embarrass family members because it's funny and they can get away with it.
Don't fuck with grannies.
>nah grandma we love each other
>you've probably got the biggest willy she's ever seen
I've got a couple stories of older moms being awkward and aggressive
>at the drive-in theater w/ my sex-obsessed asperger's buddy (let's call him asp-bud)
>Overweight (but in a nice, fluffy, Ms. Claus way) mom chirps asp-bud's car
>we walk over and chat as we light the cigars he brought
>she has two qt daughters with her, she introduces everyone
>chat for 20 minutes
>buddy goes back to the car for something
>I make conversation with mum because she's really awesome, actually
>it's her birthday, 56th I think
>Makes some sort of joke about AIDS, I don't remember
>she asks for a birthday hug
>I'm so down, she's charmed me enough
>we hug and she grabs my ass
>I flinch in surprise but(t) let it happen
>"Oooh you have lovely cheeks! Girls, we're calling him Mr. Nicebum"
>not even kidding
>girls laugh, older qt says "and this is why I can't keep a boyfriend"
>mum and I talk about her motorcycles for a while
>girls invite me into the van for chips
>I go lay down in the back with them (chips were BBQ but I couldn't care less at this point)
>older girl's friend comes by (also a qt), they introduce me as "Mr. Nicebuns"
>buddy comes over and quickly makes things awkward and creepy with the younger sister
>we go back to the car
>mom comes and says "Hi" 3x during the movies to chat and share her cigarettes and snacks (I was smoking Paul Maul Bold at the time, she was giving me DuMaurier Specials)
Coolest mom ever, that wasn't even awkward
>sitting on the back porch with mom and other neighbours
>neighbours are all 60+
>one of them comments on how good looking I am
>"Haha thanks ya'll"
>more chime in to say they agree
>"OOoooh Looks like all the cougars on the street dig yah. I think I'm a little old for a cougar, what do they call ladies my age?"
>They laugh and say they should be silver foxes instead
Sorry for the long post, I'm stoned and as I've already mention many times already, im also on cocaine
>DO they actually want the dick or are they just clueless about how their behavior comes across?
Are you really this naive? They are grown adult women, they know exactly what they are doing. If this thought has crossed your mind take for granted it has crossed theirs.
any asian bros in here? it's normal for asian moms to swat their kids butts randomly (really it is), but lately since i've started lifting my mom's been having way too much fun with it and even squeezed it a couple times. feels weird man
Dude she's just fucking with you because it's probably the most fun thing she can do after being alive for so long.
When I'm old as fuck I'll probably start saying stupid shit all the time too because no ones allowed to call you out on it out of respect.
It's like my 70 year old pedo neighbor who talks about all the tight asses over at the local middle school and makes totally nonsensical innuendo expressions that don't mean anything and call me Norman even though it's nowhere near my actual name.
>Hey Norman! You gotta check out these tight asses at the gym, boy when I was your age I was chasing them up and down the street with two popsicle sticks
Idk about viets but it seems pretty common among chinese and koreans. it's just like if ur in the kitchen washing an apple or something your mom might walk past and absent mindedly swat your butt. just sort of acknowledging you're there i guess? anyways it's weird now bc she's not doing it absent mindedly.
>Tfw my mom and dad are so insistent that I look like a god they never notice
>Tfw less than 10% bf, 5'7 (Manlet I know) ,12 stone and ripped and they don't bat an eyelid
Such is life in a übermensch family (except for height)
My mom gropes my butt and says, "What a cute little bubble butt you have."
I have 5 sisters, and she then insists that they come over and feel it.
She also was talking to me about how she has to double sports bra her boobs when she jogs. She pulled me back to her and my dad's room to show me what her new bras looked like on her.
I was so weirded out, but acted excited for her. I just... don't know. I always catch her mirin' when she thinks I'm not looking.
I don't want to bang her.
>posting maternal pictures on a croatian lobster dining etiquette exchange
I'm pretty sure my sister who is a year and a half older than me has caught a bug. She always mires, and always comes and sits uncomfortably close to me on the couch/one person chair.
I look like my dad when they first started dating. He lifted too, but I have maybe 10lbs of LBM on what he did.
That's pretty much it. Our family has always been very open, no closed-doors, etc...
I can remember being a kid and taking showers with either one of my parents. I remember them walking around their room naked while I was in there.
My parents are pretty chill.
My uncles fiance got drunk and talked about fondling my balls once.
its like people in this thread doesn't know how to interact with woman.
Its rare that family members actually want sex, its like having a hot friend that you dont want to bang, its just fun to be close to someone hot in a almost but not quite sexual way. Kind of showing 'yae, im this intimate with a hot person, thus my worth is getting higher' kind of thing.
I grew up with a very open family, first person I kissed was my cousin, see my sister naked every night when she gets out of the shower, slept in the same bed naked with my mother every now and then till I was 18, and so on. And its always fun when out in public to be close to the hot females in my family to show of to to thers (since they dont know were family), example; my cousin always hugs me from behind and puts her head on my shoulder to read what I am reading, my sister always walks holding onto my arm, my mother (who looks very young, while I look alder so people think were going out a lot) sits on my lap a lot, and so on.
Dubs confirm truth.
Anons, I guess we're all not that ready for this kind of feels.
Please remember that your parents - under the premise they are 'good' ones - love you and you are the world to them.
Keep your feels in check and their's too.
>I grew up with a very open family,
>first person I kissed was my cousin,
>see my sister naked every night when she gets out of the shower,
>slept in the same bed naked with my mother every now and then till I was 18
>my sister always walks holding onto my arm,
>my mother (who looks very young, while I look alder so people think were going out a lot) sits on my lap a lot, and so on.
The fuck, your family is not open; it is downright incestous. Fucking is the only thing that is missing there and it is because you are too much of a pussy to make the moves.
Somewhat other way around, because i first started with a cut, and i lost 15 kgs, and ever since she has never missed an opportunity to comment on how unhealthy and anorexic i am. (I'm not, i could still lower my bf% some more)
I don't think she would mind if i would bulk tho, which i kinda am now
It's okay now anon. We are all natty and homo here. There's nothing to be afraid of. Now show me on this doll where your parents touched you.
Pic related, don't be shy now.
People thought my sister and i were a couple whenever we went on a family vacation, because holding hands and such. It was good.
We also made out at one point (when we were like 12) because of curiosity.
I've also seen everyone naked, for example if they changed and i was still talking to them i would not leave. Dad was a soldier and picked on us otherwise cuz "in the military you all shower together and naked, ain't nothing wrong with that". We also were naked in the sauna a lot of times.
People are really afraid of incest and the likes but it's not like that at all. Fuck, you practically can't hug your sister nowadays because it's incest? Wtf. Showing intimacy is not a bad thing.
Your family is Sigmund Freuds wet dream.... there is nothing normal or "natural" about that.... there should be definite and clear cut boundaries...
I'm sure your family would have no qualms with outright fucking so long as you don't cum inside of them
Nothing wrong with hugging and kissing family. Hell my family is affectionate that way (I suppose it's a yuropoor thing..) but there is no way in HELL I'd ever sauna with a member of my family without atleast a towel covering the important parts
Okay anon.. I see you weren't comfortable with the robot I gave you. Now.. Here is Mr Happy Bird. Show me on this bird where your parents touched you. It's okay, you're safe here. Just show us.
Don't be shy, he's a happy bird.
damn, this place is really getting into my head.
The first thing that came to my mind that I associated with touching the bird was a gif where a man witha beard is licking a chicken's asshole and the chicken seems to be enjoying it.
My fucking face when you have dubs all over the place
Thank god my mom aint some weird incestious thirsty slut.
I got hit on by a lesbian (although I guess maybe Bi) couple at my dads funeral. Shit was so cash
I think what those guys think is weird is based on social norms they grew up with and youe family defines what's normal for you so thats why you don't fins it weird. As long as you guys legit don't want to fuck eachother there's nothing weird about it.
Living with my aunt for a year was the most disturbing and confusing time of my life. I have since stopped attending family meetings.
>Go to university in Amsterdam for a year because why not
>Mom urges me to live with her sister for the year since Amsterdam is heinously expensive
>Aunt is 12 years younger than my mom, lives alone
>Move in with her
>Apartment is tiny but gorgeous, I get a makeshift bedroom that literally fits a bed and a closet but the rest of the place looks like a small palace
>She's a total fitness buff, goes to the gym religiously
>Massively supportive of me working out and getting out of Auschwitz, cooks me heaps of healthy meals and lots of lean meat
>Aunt keeps awkwardly complimenting me on how big I've gotten, eyeing me, continuously asks me to lift and move heavy things
>At this point I think it's just my assburgers kicking in and seeing things
>She always insists on picking me up from the gym, because I am captain autismo and prefer working out at night when the gym is nice and quiet
>Don't shower in gym because it's full of actual homofags because lolamsterdam
>Car always smells like a sweatlodge because of me
>Says she likes it with a shit eating grin on her face
>After workout shower, about three months in living with her
>Turn off shower, start drying off
>She opens the door with her hands full of laundry
>Sees me, in shock, starts apologizing
>Her eyesare firmly locked onto my abs and chest
>She stands there for half a fucking minute not saying anything, like a deer staring into headlights
>I have absolutely no idea what the hell to do except cover myself up
>I finally manage to convey that she should get the hell out
>This routinely starts happening afterwards, with her needing to get things from the bathroom, one time she started filling up the tub while I was still under the shower
Shit just reached increasing levels of awkwardness, especially when she drank or had bad dates.
Bro... your post reminds me of the "nah m8. Double anal is totally not gay" pasta.
There are some things which are just OBJECTIVELY and universally wrong.. I don't care for personal beliefs, culture, upbringing etc. There are certain things which are just wrong... looking at your sister naked and sleeping naked with your mum are two of them.
I probably could have. One evening when we were drunk she told me my dad was the best lay she ever had.
She's hilarious, awkward, and either completely oblivious to the signals she was sending me or she just didn't give a shit.
I don't know the timeline, so I don't know whether or not my parents were together yet or married, and it's the only time she ever mentioned it. My dad is a glorious asshole, though, so it wouldn't surprise me in the least, to be honest.
Maybe you can continue your fathers legacy and fuck a pair of sisters
My mother used to always compliment my ass and grab, pinch and cup it whenever she got the chance. This happened pretty much all through my teen years, like 12-18, until I got sick of feeling awkward and embarrassed and told her to fuck off. She's never touched me since. Mothers shouldn't be doing that. I understand the desire for physical affection and "skinship", and I'd have been fine with hugs and whatnot, but she exclusively groped my goddamned backside all the time. Degenerate.
Your grandma sounds like an OG. Get close and learn from her while she's still around. That blunt honesty of her's can help you gain years of fucking experience.
>tfw my g-ma was like this and I didn't see how cool she was till she was dead.
>Shit just reached increasing levels of awkwardness, especially when she drank or had bad dates.
>Shit just reached increasing levels of sexual tension, especially when she drank or had bad dates.
fix'd that for you anon.
More horrible experiences. The next one is pretty high on the oh god why list.
>To this day I still have no idea when she actually worked
>Always home when I happened to be home
>She remarks she's worried about me not going out since I am in college and everything eventhough she's home more than me and knows I'm an aspie hermit
>Explain to her that I don't know anyone in Amsterdam and I'm not much of a party guy
>She tells me I know her and there's no reason why we couldn't drink and relax
>Figured why not, she's good company
>Tries to get me drunk so that I'll talk about my more unsavoury experiences
>She draink faitly heavily
>Says there hasn't been a guy this well built in her place in years
>I cringe and smile, though in hindsight it probably looked like a grimace
>Blurts out all kinds of intimate details I did not need to know
>The things you cannot unhear are endless with this woman
>She professes she loves anal
>I don't like where this is going
>She asks if I love anal
>Tell her I don't swing that way
>We are not going places
>The train crashes in slow motion anyway
>She laughs and sits up on her knees on the couch
>I can't look away, the carnage and destruction is captivating in its gruesomeness
>Loudly slaps her own ass with a grin and says she meant fucking a girl up her ass
>Her exact words
>I nope it the hell out of there mumblings as I went
>Next morning she acts as if nothing happened
>>anon has been dating that asian gal for awhile now
>>she's only with him because he's a big white man
>>nah grandma we love each other
>>you've probably got the biggest willy she's ever seen
BAHAHAHAHAH,your granny is amazingly smart and witty at her age and also right
if my nephew were dating some fucking twig,moon-faced,limey asian i'd shit on him constantly and tell him to get himself a proper white girl then fuck ethnics after he has established a family
You're doing this on purpose aren't you? This is excruciating
>She professes she loves anal
>She asks if I love anal
nigger what is wrong with you? You could've had the chance to plow her in the ass on the reg.
Objectively how attractive is she out of 10?
No, she's very attractive and in good shape. But my mother's side of the family has very strong genes, they arr rook same. Oh, right, and she's my aunt, you degenerate.
I don't know what to tell you. People are crazy.
you have never met an amsterdam woman these older women are fucking crazy. I bet his aunt is a prostitute thats why she is always home, she goes out and works the district while he's asleep
Solid 8. I would have ruined her ass if she was not related.
What's wrong with me is that she's my aunt.
Now you make it sound like I'm the one with the poor judgement.
I could go on with thehorrible anecdotes, I guess.
Sorry, reception is ass here in the archives.
Most of the awkward or overtly sexual things weren't major events, but just little things that got worse and more unbearable over time.
>Claims most of these were due to her starting to finally feel comfortable with me living in the same house
>She started walking around at home in her yogapants and gym tank top
>Doing her yoga back curving, ass stretching in the living room when I was around, always giving me the full view
>Accidentally leaving the door to the bathroom open when she was in the bath or shower several times because she forgot I was home (This especially was total bullshit, because it gets freezing cold in the bathroom fast when the door is open and you're in the bath or shower.)
There's a few particularly bad conversations and runins I can write down, I guess.
>She started going to the gym when I was in class
>Said she it was so she could spend more time with her biggest nephew
>She would get home in her sweaty cardio bunny outfit with me already on the couch from class, prancing around
>She started showering at home instead of at the gym, saying all the teenage girls there made her feel bad about her body
>Being the idiot that I was I told her she had a great body
>She touched my arm and looked like she was going to eat me with a toothy grin that is still burned on my retina to this day
>"Oh anon have you been looking at my ass again?"
>I deny everything
>Her ass was in my face pretty much all fucking day
>Says it's ok, she always oggles my shoulders too, I can watch as much as I want when we're home, nobody here but us
>Her hand is still on my arm, squeezing it
>I winced when she squeezed it, flexing my muscles
>she bit her fucking lip
>I honestly don't even remember what I said to get away from her. I could feel her eyes burning on my back, though.
HOLY FUCKING SHIT JUST FUCK HER ALREADY YOU STUPID PRICK
DID YOU FUCKING HEAR ME?
PUT YOUR MASSIVE 2 INCH PEENOR INTO HER VAGOO
READING THIS SHIT AND THINKING HOW YOU MESSED IT ALL UP IS SO FUCKING FRUSTRATING
what is really stopping you from pounding that ass anon? what are you afraid of?
By the way you are writing these posts it's clear that you also have the hots for her/are pretty horny.
>my internal face when my mom and my sister mire my gainz
i want to fuck my sister so bad.
Sorry, I was away from the computer for a while due to my sister interfering with my alone time
pink shows where the people touched me before
This thread is giving me so many boners,
Anyone else leave incest porn all over the computer and hope your mother or sister will discover it?
Im pretty sure my sister has seen it and masturbated to one of the dojins. Dont know how to get to the next level though.
Work is going fantastically boring. God bless classified archival work. I could probably go on all day.
>In bed studying for exams
>Aunt is out on a date
>Around one in the morning I hear a metallic noise, scratching
>Goes on for a few minutes
>Get a poorly written text from my aunt asking if I can open the door
>I open the door, she stumbles in blind drunk
>"key didn't fit"
>Says she her date stood her up but she didn't want to go home yet
>She can't walk straight on her high heels
>She tries to take them off, fails miserably
>I have to walk her to the couch, she clings onto me for dear life
>I ask her if she's ok
>She slowly starts crying, saying my mom always has all the luck with guys and she's left with nothing, she just wants a great guy like my dad
>I awkwardly give her a half hug around her shoulder with one arm
>Instinctively she curls up completely against me, head and hand on my chest
>She stops sobbing
>I'm wearing boxers and a wife beater, she's wearing a cocktail dress
>Slowly involuntarily pop boner
>If she did notice she was too drunk to say anything
>She's finally quiet after a good 10 minutes or something, I assume she fell asleep
>I try to slowly get away from her to get a blanket or something
>She doesn't let go of me
>Still not sure if she's asleep or not
>Thank god for Functional Strength. I awkwardly stand up and start carrying her to her room
>"Oh anon you sure know how to treat a girl"
>Almost drop her in abject terror
>Walk her up to her bedroom anyway and put her down on the bed
>Next morning I wake up to the smell of pancakes
>She knows they're my favourite, with lots of bacon
>I look her in the eye
>She remembers. She remembers everything.
>The horror. The horror.
DUDE I WOULD LITERALLY GIVE ANYTHING TO BE YOU
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU
SHE REALLY ISNT RELATED TO YOU DUDE
DO A FUCKING PUNNETT SQUARE IF UR SO UNSURE OF URSELF, THERE WILL BE LOWER CASE LETTERS AND SHIT I THINK I FORGET
R A I L
H E R
Y O U
S T U P I D
F U C K
WHEN DID U LIVE WITH HER? WHEN DID U STOP? WHATS THE FURTHEST IT WENT? DONT STOP POSTING YOU AUTISTIC FUCK
>tfw mom has cockblocked me from fucking 2 of her hot friends
>one was a massage therapist that would offer me free massages all the time, I was 17, had to get parental consent
>she got all red and would change the subject every time I ask about it
>her friend still makes comments on my fb pics
so his aunt can get ostracized by her own family
she cant bag a guy and now you want to make her more alone by taking away her family?
jesus fucking christ>>30013490 I dont care what technology it takes im going into your fucking story and slapping the fucking shit out of you for not fucking your aunt
Hey mom, your sister was basically railing on me while I lived with her. I thought I should tell you this to cause kinship strife and it would make for a good movie.
I really wish it was. There was something intensely depressing about her. Desperation and loneliness all packed into one wonderful neurotic package.
But anal sex isn't romantic anon-kun.
u wot m8.
I have to start commuting soon.
is this shit normal in europe?
>gf used to walk just in panties at home with her parents and 10 year old brother that seems like too pervert for his age
>says he wouldnt mind kissing her in the mouth but she doesnt want to
>took showers with him till some time ago
>walks home with just a shirt that you can see nips and boob outline(she has big boobs)
>slap each other ass
>brother comes into the bathroom when she's there even without asking
is this shit normal? I get sick and makes me want to break up knowing that she was walking home fucking NAKED and seing no wrong in it
at least she stopped
>ANON SHOW THEM HOW STRONG YOUVE BECOME LIFT YOUR COUSIN OVER YOUR HEAD!
>cousin is 5ft 6 DYEL grill
>no.no..please leave me be
>TAKE YOUR SHIRT OF!
>"have to go to the bathroom"
>tfw stretch marks make you scared to show gains
I wouldn't fuck my sister or mother, but anyone else in the family, aunts, cousins, why not? There is no logical reason why you wouldn't, so long as you wear a condom you're golden, i'm just waiting for the chance, but my whole family is full of low level munters, some people are just lucky i guess.
In a bit of a rush now
>One of the inebriated thursday evenings
>Aunt asks why I never bring any girls over
>I say I don't really know a lot of girls
>I'm majoring in archival work, which most people find profoundly boring. It makes me happy, less interaction with people, heaps of cool shit to find
>She keeps bugging me about it
>She says I'm so built I could get any girl I wanted
>She walks up to me, pulls up my arm and bends it so that it looks like I'm flexing my bicep
>Girls your age should be all over you
>Again giving me that warm smile that reminds me eerily too much of my mother when she was young
>She eggs me on to flex my arm
>She flushes red, didn't expect me to actually do it
>I pull my arm down, tell her I usually wear baggy clothes anyway so nobody really sees I'm in shape because I'm still ashamed of my body
>She says all I ever wear here is wife beaters and t-shirts, so I'm not that ashamed. She's glad she thinks I feel that comfortable around me
>She forgets to mention her house is always heated up to goddamn tropical temperatures, even in summer
>She asks if I'm not compensating for anything else, for shits and giggles
>I just stay quiet
>She jokingly says "No need to be ashamed, I'm not your mom, I don't kiss and tell."
>The look on her face was pretty priceless when she realized what she said, truth be told
Sorry have to cut it short, I'll be back later if the thread survives.
>tfw these two young lovebirds will never be together
>OTP of the century
>aunt a best girl
>MC a dense shit
At least MC isnt a skinny plain guy with no good qualities.
unless your parents were abusive and at every point tried to bring you down both mentally and physically every chance they had...
>hating your parents
>>Again giving me that warm smile that reminds me eerily too much of my mother when she was young
Under the assumption this guy is genuine, then this line puts everything in context. I would completely be grossed out too.
I hated my Dad for a lot of my life, he died a week ago, i'm only 18, I kinda feel bad now, it's hard to appreciate how much your parents do for you and how much they give you, don't be foolish anon, unless you have legitimate reason (like your mom was a drunk that beat you and raped you) you should not hate your parents.
>found her cheating on my dad
>then found out my dad wasn't my real dad
>had me committed into psych ward for finding out, legal since i was under 18
>crashed car, took the insurance money from me and bought a car for herself
the list goes on
Heads up, erratic behavior is an early sign of dementia/Alzheimer's.
Happened to my grandmother, m8. :/
>sister is 16
>her little teenage friends are constantly around
>they come into my room and say "hiiiiiiii anoooooooon" before giggling and running away
Anon-son, I youre so fit. What should I do to lose weight?
>what are you eating
Well I mean i eat (blahblahblah which amounts to that which should cause weight loss)
>you dont eat anything else? not at work?
(she works in a kitchen)
Well yeah I do snack. I just cant help myself from snacking
>Oh well that'll do it.
round and round we go on this merry-go-round
I will regale with you now, one of the most disturbing songs of my people.
>Made it a point never to take a bath when my aunt was in the house for fear of her just barging in
>No locks anywhere inside the apartment other than the front door
>Seriously considered just bolting one onto the bathroom door
>Relaxing in a nice hot bath with mr duck while my aunt was gone
>Gone the entire day
>Stay in the bath for eternity and a day
>Time becomes an abstract concept
>Soap has vanished completely, skin on my fingers has wrinkled
>I have become one with the water
>Figured I might as well rub one out since the house was empty, which didn't happen an awful lot
>In the middle of me jerking off, hear the front door open
>No way to hide massive boner without getting out of the tub in case she just walks in unnanounced
>Try to get out of bath as quiet as possible, slowly rising inch by inch to get a towel
>Slip, fall back in bath.
>Produce a noisy thud and splash sound
>Aunt comes rushing in, worried about weird ass noises in her house
>My cock defiantly stands erect in the face of this disaster
>She honest to god walks over and pulls me out of the tub to see if I'm okay
>Her face was pretty much beat red and beaming once she notices my boner
>Cock won't go down
>She keeps looking at it from the corner of her eye
>I fumble my way out of the tub with her help, flailing about while trying to cover myself
>ask if she can just get me a fucking towel or get out
>She takes her sweet time to find one
>Finally hands me a towel
>Pitch a massive tent, hurry my way past her
>"Next time you're worried about me walking in just do it under the shower, it has a curtain"
>The shit eating grins, they haunt me. At night, in my dreams, I dream the grins are chasing me, down a deep dark tunnel.
Reminds me of a family party when I was little. My aunt was complimenting my cousin on his gains so I yelled "GET A ROOM!"
>mfw forced to sit in the basement alone for rest of the party
Fine, I guess. None of these are in any particular order, I realize. Does anyone actually read this?
>I have suffered from depression for years now
>Going to the gym is a massive chore, seems nearly impossible
>No exaggeration that the reason I kept it up through that year in weird ass Amsterdam in that strange gym was because of my aunt continuously pushing me
>Always pushing me to do more, to lift more, to eat more
>Start talking about my fucked up wellbeing, how I pretty much just go to class, play bideogames and go to the gym
>It has her worried
>cue alcoholic beverages
>She tells me it's largely genetic. My grandma had severe depression, mom used to have it
>She still has it
>Ask her how she copes
>Says she doesn't. She just forces herself to do work just as she forces herself to the gym
>She tells me it's actually gotten a lot easier since I moved in, because she can cling on to me and focus on taking care of me
>It's always nice to have someone handsome to do the dishes for you
>I've pretty much gotten immune to her coy shit after months of it
>Tell her I should do it shirtless for added effect
>Silence as she actually fucking mills it over
>"Yes, you should"
>Puts her hand on my leg, tells me she's just joking
>"I'd do yoga without pants in return. Or make pancakes. I honestly don't know which you prefer."
>Awkwardly try to change the topic
>Ask her what living in Amsterdam for so long has been like, since our family comes from bumfuck, nowhere
>"It's lonely as hell"
>She lets out a fatigued sigh
>Feel bad for her, pour her a drink
>"At least you're here to fuck up my apartment for the time being"
>Tell her I'd give her a hug if she didn't look like my mom so much
>She jokinly agrees with me about not wanting to hug my mother, since she's a stuck up bitch
>I should practice with her instead
To this day I still do not know when she's kidding and when she's not. We pretty much whatsapp daily.
My grandma feels me up whenever I visit
>tfw she's not glorious Seattle masterrace and lives halfway across the country
>tfw she's in her late 80s and undergoing surgery this week
>tfw haven't seen her in two years and may not see her alive again
>tfw just spoke to her over the phone yesterday
Value your grandmas fit.
You are by far the most socially retarded person i've ever seen on 4chan. I don't mean that to be THAT offensive.
But it's actually kind of incredible that i can read this after years on 4 chan and have it be the worst most awkward thing.
Ok, I'll keep going I guess.
Gee fucking whizz, it's my damn aunt you sperglord. My first instinct is to flirt, then my mind cathes up and starts spitting spaghetti everywhere.
Jesus Christ dude!!! Imagine a grill who looks like your mother... gazing deeply into your eyes as she has her lips wrapped around your cock with a vacuum seal...
That had better not arouse you...
The fucking oedipus complex I this thread
you niggas all stupid. Your daddy plowed your mummy. Because daddy liked mummy.
Now son has daddys genetics, so son also attracted to what daddy is, therefore, you can fuck a girl that looks like yo momma
Well I guess you can't beat that logic.
>yfw you have your mom's genetics too
>yfw you are attracted to what your dad is
>yfw you start banging dudes that look just like your dad, or even your dad himself
Oh wait, this is /fit/. I forgot.
well I dont know if a homosex man would get his mums sexual attractions but I guess if you were gay that would work.
why do you think most women end up with men that have similar physical properties as their dad?
HMS awkwardness, ahoy.
>Hurt back badly pulling wrong muscle, not even lifting related
>Am bedridden pretty much for what turned out was three days
>Could barely move
>Aunt is pretty concerned
>Brings me healthy food and everything
>Continuously asks how I'm doing
>Say I'm doing ok, I have my own personal maid
>She smirks says she has a uniform somewhere
>I'm in pretty bad pain whenever I move, don't really know what to do
>Aunt asks if I want a massage
>I agree to it
>"Ok I'll take off your shirt, try turning on your stomach"
>Hurts like a motherfucker
>She climbs on my legs, starts pouring fucking massage oil on my lower back
>Grabs my boxers, pulls them down
>Protest, back hurts like hell, can't do shit
>She tells me to calm down, she needs to reach all of my lower back
>"If you don't turn around I won't massage anything by accident"
>It's really fucking nice
>Her hands are soft as can be
>I tense up, she just goes all over the place
>Keeps complimenting my definition
>She keeps going down
>too far down
>Her hands on my butt, starts massaging
>"I don't think that's my back"
>"sure it is, you can't see what I'm doing"
>Finally gets off me
>Thank you jesus
>Gives me a slap on my ass
>See her smiling as she walks out
She was really sweet and caring throughout, though.
>insisted that I slept in her huge ass motherfucking bed, she slept on the floor in case I needed anything
>Wake up in the middle of the night
>Bed is very warm
>Aunt is curled up on me, hand under my shirt
>Scream out in pain because fucking back holy shit why
>aunt wakes up in shock, apologizes profusely
>mfw she accidentally sleepily crawled into bed once after she went to the bathroom
I would say probably because their dad would be their first male role model/first male they're constantly in contact with, so they have an idea of what kind of guy they should be attracted to, since the father takes care of the daughter.
you have it made
All you have to do is return what she does to you.
When she flirts with you, flirt back. When she smacks your butt, smack hers.
I had a middle aged lesbian couple who couldn't keep their hands off me on my old pool league although I think that might have been because I kind of looked like a adult version of their son...which kind of makes things even more fucked up doesn't it?
Grill here, they are just proud as fuck of you and being moms and affectionate, also it's funny because you get flustered. The thought of incest never enters the heads of people who have never been on 4Chan. Don't worry so much.
>The thought of incest never enters the heads of people who have never been on 4Chan. Don't worry so much.
>LOOK I'M A GIRL I KNOW A LOT OF STUFF. You have no idea what you are talking about. Look up the history of incest, shit's old bitch.
She sleeps in just a thong and a baggy shirt. I had no face. I could keep this up all evening but I have to get going soon.
>She said it would be better if we split up her bed and had her sleep on the end she usually sleeps
>it was one of those two matrass construction, bed could be moved apart. Pretty damn narrow but we made do
>Spend the next few days crashing in her room with my personal bed
>She keeps apologizing about the whole thing, wears pyjamas
>I say it's fine, I know I'm a good pillow
>"Yes, and a space heater"
>Blurt out she's pretty hot too
>All this spaghetti
>She swallows all of it
>She tells me I should have crashed in her bed years ago
>The first day I try to change my clothes myself, doesn't work for shit
>Been wearing the same underwear for two days now
>Feel emberassed as fuck to as her for help with my clothes
>Says she lives to serve with a wry smile
>Strips me down to my boxers
>Boobs rub over my chest through her tanktop
>No boner no boner no boner
>Dick doesn't give a single fuck
>It's time for an erection
>"Uh I think we should wait a bit"
>"Don't worry about it, you're just a guy, we've seen eachother before"
>No. No, no. No, no, no, no, no.
>She pulls off my boxers, brushes against my cock with her hand
>It pops in full view, quickly cover it up
>She quickly pops on a fresh pair of boxers
>I frantically pull it up
>Back hurts like satan is raping my spine with a rake
>Yell out in pain
>Pushes my hands away, presses me on my back, lands hers on my cock, I pull back like her hand is on fire.
>She pulls up my boxers
>she proceeds to help me with the rest of my clothes, puts on a blanket, leaves without saying anything but with a cherry red blush on her cheeks.
You actually stayed with her despite all of this?
>blurt out she's pretty hot too
Well judging by that Freudian slip, we can safely say you actually wanted your aunties asshole clenched around your cawk
Come to an understanding that your mom needs to get laid too and probably banging some young stud makes her old self feel happy. Maybe you can get that stick out your ass and enjoy life a bit by helping your mom find younger dudes as the only way she can find them is through being around you.
We will all fucking die horribly and alone. Stop being so uptight about how people find pleasure while they are alive. Find a way to encourage it safely and bring you closer to the people around you.
No, you're being a cunt. Your mom isn't trying to fuck you. And my opinion on how girls show affection is more valid because I am a girl, if you need me to explain that further you should probably go cash in those welfare checks for some bleach and drink it. If your mom ever saw the shit you probably post in threads like this her and your dad would take you down to the river and drown you in a bag.
>tfw your mum is a heroin addict
>tfw heroin makes her happy
>tfw yolo... right?
>tfw by your logic, you have absolutely no choice but to get a second job and feed her habit even though she's slowly killing herself because.. "IT MAKES HER HAPPY"
Sometimes saying NO and denying them what they want is the most loving thing you can do
It was weird as hell, but she's one of the most amazing people I know. She would jump off a cliff for me if I asked nicely. She's been one of the most supportive people in my life. She's pretty much as responsible for dragging me out of my depression as I was myself.
And no, I mean at the time I meant she was warm. She has a nice ass. I don't think it's ever going to be normal. I'm pretty much ok with it, looking back at it so much today. I mean it's weird as fucking hell, but, like, whatever, man.
Heroin makes anyone happy and is insanely addictive. I popped a Hydromorphone (Dilaudid in oral tablet form). Shit was so cash. I was on cloud nine for 5 hours. Next day I was looking up how to get a prescription for that shit. So you know the withdrawals are equivalent to a bad 7 day flu. After that point the physical dependency is gone and any desire left is mental.
Don't think I didn't notice you changing subjects here to a topic that wasn't even mentioned. Heroin addiction is no joke and you treat that differently then you do your mom just wanting to get laid. You can still use that to get closer to her which would help you out when it's intervention time.
You wanna save someones life you use every tactic. See how I brought that shit back to relevancy? It'd work too but you have to decide to be less of a prude and see her for being a human instead of the mother you wish and dreamed she was.
Korean here. I slap my friends asses all the time in the gym. My mom and my aunt used to slap my butt when i was a fat fuck in high school 200+ pounds at 5'7 but not anymore as i lost weight and put on 5 inches.
It doesnt seem too weird to me
You have a very american mentality
Its considered weird as fuck in korea and japan if your in the water in a sauna covering your dick. You just havent been raised in that culture you close minded fuck
Ok, absolute worst one. This was near the end. Also time for bed.
>Studying for exam
>Don't sleep much, if at all, up all night till morning routinely
>Pretend to sleep early to keep aunt from nagging me to get enough sleep
>Hear noises in the middle of the night
>Not sure I want to know.exe
>Think it might be a break in, because aunt's been in bed for a few hours and nobody has come over via the front door
>Get out of bed, quietly check the door and windows
>Noise is coming from her room
>Bed is creaking like crazy
>By creaking I mean it sounded like she was fucking jumping on it
>Get closer to the door to listen
>Hear her moan
>It's dark as fuck, I accidentally hit a plastic bag lying on the floor
>Noise stops abruptly, hear scuffling
>I double time my way to the bathroom, the closest place to hide
>I hear her bedroom door open
>Hear her walk towards my room
>Door is open, I'm not in bed, laptop is still turned on
>Yell out I'm in the bathroom
>Asks if I'm having trouble sleeping
>I say yes, I make up some bullshit about my exams
>Asks if I want a drink
>I walk out of the bathroom, she's standing there in the shortest bathrobe in the history of man
>Looks me straight in the eye
>Awkward silence. We both know what she was doing
>My boxers can barely contain my boner
>She looks me straight in the eye, no trace of emberassement to be found anywhere
>"A girl has needs. Sorry for waking you up."
>She pecks me on the lips and walks off to her bedroom
>Doesn't close her fucking door all the way
MFW I could probably have fucked her brains out if I walked into her room. She probably wasn't wearing anything under her bathrobe.
If it helps you sleep any better, she did do pantsless yoga the last week I lived with her.
We've been talking about me staying over for a week long holiday for a while now. Haven't seen her in too long.
>People fapping over my social awkwardness
She said the only way she'll let me stay over is if I finally do the damn dishes shirtless like a promised. I've made a lot of gains since staying over. Not sure what do. Probably spaghetti all over the place.
I was pretty much a 6'4'' skeletor at the time, I did put on a good deal of muscle and weight in my year there, though. I'll see if I can dig something up from back then.
Honestly don't remember what I was fapping to at the time. But I have, yes.
t hasn't been on my mind much lately, but today has brought back an awful lot.
She basically asked if I wanted to fuck her ass. I said no. I'm slightly inebriated, so that might explain things, but whatever. That shit ain't normal, right?
Hot damn. Never thought I'd see screencaps of my own posts. I feel all warm and fuzzy. Happy fapping, I guess.
I've been anon on /fit/ for ages. I'm hesitant about posting anything of hers online, she's hilariously active on social media, and real easy to find.
Thank you for the stories anon. I understand why you never went through with it given that she looks like your mom but I seriously think I would have caved very quickly
Also pleeeeease post a pic. Nobody is going to doxx her
Let's pretend this is the aunt doing her pantsless yoga
I don't have a problem with him not lifting at all, but he hasn't posted pictures of his physique even though people have asked for it, and he won't post pictures of his aunt either even though people have asked for it, makes me think the whole thing is a lie, he wouldn't be the first person to make up a story on the internet, i've no malicious towards him whatsoever though, you got the wrong idea.
Gee whiz, maybe it's because I know what happens when someone finds out personal information here on this vietnamese cartoon image board. It could destroy my family. I'll post some skeletor tomorrow as well. I did look dyel, yes, which I've already admitted to.
Bro... it isn't hard to doxx someone if you are determined.. we have already figured out supermang is a kiwi single father named Patrick Easton.. AmsterdamAutists aunt could be found too..