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>IT support nightmare stories
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>IT support nightmare stories

We are not finished yet /g/
Fuck you for the picture, blech.
> Sysadmin
> Company hires full time PHP developer
> I'm there to assist with "server issues"
> "Server issues" include "copying updated PHP to the server because FTP is too hard"
> Every fucking time I get an updated .php file, he gives me some horseshit that's clearly showing syntax error
> "Anon, when I wrote that code in notepad and sent it to you without having a dev box to test it on, it worked fine. You must have uploaded it wrong"
> I spend more time fixing his shit than he spends writing it
> Everyone in marketing stands around clapping at his websites management skills
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>you're his beta boypussy servant
>tfw not a boypussy servant

Life is suffering ;_;
just upload the broken code and when people complain to you "find the problem" and tell them the php's poorly written/broken and that the servers are fine

don't do someone elses job for them
>This really old lady's computer is running slow and has general questions about computer
>I intend to solve her problems without costing her too much money or wasting too much of her time
>I check her specs
>Decent cpu for email and facebook but pitiful RAM
>Order her some DDR1 RAM (it was actually pretty expensive because it is so obsolete)
>She has questions about what the weird text at the bottom of her email page is that flashes up from time to time
>Explain to her that the text is the address of the website that is sending her computer the information and will also show the address of any link that the mouse cursor is scrolled over
>She is actually very keen and asks why it doesn't always match the website she is on and why it will also pop up when the page has finished loading and the cursor isn't hovering over any links
>Explain to her that in actuality a single webpage spreads out content among multiple addresses and servers and that 3rd content and ads are hosted on different websites entirely
>Explain to her that websites dynamically refresh the content in your browser so that you don't always have to click refresh to see something new
>About a week later I install the RAM and she reimburses me for the RAM gives me $60

Fun experience, 10/10 was not expecting the quality of questions from her.
>Nightmare IT stories
Did like the change of pace though
sometimes hijacking is beatiful :)
> work in customer service
> customer asks how to do something on our website
> tell them what to do
>I work as an HVAC tech.
>Customer:“So, I had a tech here a while ago and got the bill today and you’re billing me for a whole hour.”
>Dispatcher: “Yes, that is our minimum fee for a call.”
>Customer: “He was here fifteen minutes at most. I see no reason that I should pay for a whole hour!”
>Dispatcher: “Well, fifteen minutes to drive from our company to your place, fifteen minutes there, fifteen minutes back. That makes forty-five minutes, and we round upwards so that’s still an hour.”
>Customer: “What? That distance takes ten minutes, tops. I’ve driven between your company and here many times.”
>Dispatcher: “So that’s still thirty-five minutes, and we still round upwards so that’s still an hour and our minimum fee is still for one hour.”
>Customer: “That’s outrageous! When I had my own company I could never do that sort of thing.”
>Dispatcher: “Well, you won’t get anywhere with me. I can transfer you to the owner if you like?”
>Customer: “Yes, do exactly that!”

>(The dispatcher puts him on hold, walks into the owner’s office, and gives him a quick run-down on the situation.)

>Owner: “Hi, this is [Owner]. Is there some trouble?”
>Customer: “Yeah, I had one of your techs at my house and it took him just fifteen minutes here and you’re billing me for a full hour!”
>Owner: “Well, as [Dispatcher] told you our minimum fee is for one hour and we also round upwards to the nearest half hour, so the bill is completely correct.”
>Customer: “That’s outrageous! I never did that when I had my company.”
>Owner: “What kind of company did you have?”
>Customer: “I was an estate agent.”
>Owner: “An estate agent? The kind of person who drives around in brand new BMWs and Mercedes? Who bill you for just picking up the phone?”
>Customer: “You’re the worst person I’ve spoken to in my entire life!” *click*
>not setting up a development server
nigga, you are not doing yor yooob.
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>>Dispatcher: “So that’s still thirty-five minutes
sick burn
Not so much a tech support nightmare but:
>getting random BSODs in Windows XP on my work PC after updating the graphics drivers
>can't be fucked troubleshooing it
>use this as an excuse to fit an SSD I had lying around and install Vista x64 as that's what's on the COA stuck to the side of the case
>build an SP1 disk from digitalriver files
>install it, takes like not even half an hour
>run Windows Update
>115 updates, takes an hour and a half to download and install them
>30 or so more updates across a couple of reboots, takes another hour
>Windows Vista SP2
>takes another half an hour
>Windows Update updates itself
>133 more updates to download :^)

Vista is literally just 95% of Windows 7 at this point isn't it?
1) set up git/hg server with autodeploy
2) if he is committing syntax errors, it's his problem
3) if he is too stupid to use that, tell him to go fuck himself
>Send customer an email asking for additional details on his issue
Every time.

This guy can't manage File fucking zilla because "that's too hard", He's got 0 chance with git.
Well, then he's not a developer.
He can't do webdev if he can only write the code, but not upload it, and put it into action.
Just like you cant drive a car, if you can't figure out how to refuel it.
Also, tell the guy to use an IDE. Any IDE, really. Or tell his manager that he is completely incompetent.
>Customer submits ticket through helpdesk
>Spend some time troubleshooting his issue
>Attempt something to fix it
>Send him an email asking whether his issue is resolved
>No reply
>Wait 2-3 days, send another email
>Still no reply
>Wait a week, send a third email
>Still no fucking reply
This fucking grinds my gears
this is why i close old tickets regardless, fuck those motherfuckers.
You shouldn't think of your job as resolving peoples issues.
Think of it as resolving their issues to keep them from coming back.
If the issue hasn't been fixed, and they're not bothering you, let it go. Move on.
Also, suggest a "Reasonable dialogue policy" similar to a fair use agreement. Tickets are scrapped if the supportee doesn't respond within 7 days.
Nowaways if they don't reply to my second email I close it, but the simple fact that I have to send a second email makes me rage. I spend time trying to fix their issue and they don't even bother replying. Fuck them

>to keep them from coming back
I have enough tickets in the queue to work all day long. It never happens that I can cross my arms since there's no tickets.
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Fuck Windows ME, I'm not even installing that shit in a VM.
Epic nice meme! LOL
Official policy is to close the ticket if they don't reply within 3 emails.
I lost my patience for this and close it about 2 days after my second email
>Customer submits ticket
>Send him an email
>"Out of office until next month"
Fuck you too
>within 3 emails.
That's a fairly poor metric. Three emails can be sent just about as fast as postfix can process them. That means that you can open and close a ticket without resolving it in about 4 seconds, and still be within the official rules.
Hahaha true, however we use common sense and wait a few days inbetween each email
Why dont you just send two emails within a couple minutes after each other if they dont reply to the first wothin a reasonable timeframe then close 5he ticket a minute after the third
I don't want to lose my job
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>not embracing your inner NEET
Do you even know where you are?
Vague rules are moronic, that's all I'm saying.

Oh, yes.
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I knew people who would keep reinstalling this shit after I told them explicitly it was malware.

They "didn't care if it's a virus, I like it".
>every once in a while i have to help family with computer problems
>keeps me up to date on some things

not a nightmare yet but will be.
>come home from college yesterday
>try to fire up the desktop
>overheated bsod
>confused i open my case
>CLC h100i inside, never had a problem
>hasnt been run in 3 months
>pump failure
>waiting on corsair to help
>install CM t4 in the mean time

>have 16 gb of g.skill ram
>thought it was only 8
>trying to fill other 2 slots
>with 2x4 instead of 2x8
>60$ wasted unless i can sell em
that fucking gorilla could have made millions if it wasnt malware
>with 2x4 instead of 2x8
Never mix'n'match primary memory.
Knock yourself out with secondary memory, that's what ZFS is for.
Exactly what did it do? I haven't touched it myself, only seen it in resident evil tier infected machines.
I mean, i know it's on-screen behaviour, but did it log, zip and ship information from the machine, or what?
But where would I get all those tech support horror stories if I didn't have a job?
i know and i feel like a retard, i swore i bought the same exact type. i figured it out today, computer wouldnt boot just kept spooling and turning off. and wouldn't throw a code either. im putting them on ebay for under market, see if i can buy another set of 2x8
>But where
If you dare to march into enemy territory, /r/talesfromtechsupport is the spot.
i had him for about a month when i was a kid and then i deleted him, its like the paperclip but way better. he would tell jokes and other stuff while he stole your info and opened back doors for other nasties to get in
newfag. Try BOFH.

>Try BOFH.
Also, go back to /b/.
>while he stole your info and opened back doors for other nasties to get in
Treacherous motherfucker.
Glad i haven't had more than 2 malware incidents, both resulted in a swift death. One tryed to flash by mobo tho. Didn't work, fortunately. It was built for the HP Pavallion DV6-9 series laptops.
Persistant offline rootkit, spying on your horseporn and credicardz.

You haven't worked in firstline, I assume.
We had a NAS that a costumer forgot at the front-desk, that we repurposed and put a biohazard sticker on.
It ran a NFS for dumping costumers wierd shit.
Helpdesk had 15 hits a day, 3 we're PEBKAC, the rest was malware and other stuffs.
Have a guess at how much junk was on the hazardbox after 6 months. Seriously, guess.
Like...two ?
>Like...two ?
You're pulling my leg, aren't you? Two what?
I had around 0.6 TB of wierd shit, sorted by date of acquisition.
You're gonna have to take my word for it.
I left firstline for uni, as it was just a temporary job. I was there for around 1½ yrs.
>Only 600gb of disgusting porn
Try harder, pussy.
What do you mean "Try harder"? We can't force costumers to save more porn to their computers before handing them in.
I mean, we could, but i think we'd run out of costumers pretty quick.
>but i think we'd run out of costumers pretty quick.
Or get more.
You're not making any sense.
>no dev server to test shit on
what the fuck kind of shit company is this?
The kind of company that prioritizes the color of furniture in the building above server maintenance.
I've been there. Sad.
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It's more or less 7, but without aero snap and other neat stuff.
The problem with Windows Update is that it installs updates in chronological order.
On a fresh install I've seen it install 3-4 updates to IE10 only to then download IE11 and install updates for that.
Why the fuck does it even bother, Jesus just update to IE11 what the fuck is wrong with you Microsoft.

Same situation with Windows 8, it installed over 30 updates only to download a big ass 750MB update containing all of the already installed updates.

At least now they clean up the Software Windows\Software Distribution\Download folder, because years ago it used to grow over time with the setups for updates.
windows updater a shit
try and install W7 (retail DVD without SPs) nowadays
>"all updates installed"
>"there are new updates"
>"all updates installed"
>guess what, there are new updates!"
I cannot begin to even
>1h 30m later
>116 of 133
>9GB left on the SSD

Hopefully I get to retire another of these 40GB Intel SSDs or two by next week so I actually have some space to do things. Gonna run as many of them as I can in RAID0 on this box because why not. It'll be a nice mark on their record to make right the grief they've given me since the guy I replaced thought it was a good idea to buy them.
Manually clean up Windows\Software Distribution\Download, disable hibernation and delete the hiberfil.sys
There was a tool that cleaned up the WinSxS folder, but really there's not a lot one can do to reduce the footprint of Windows.
>Failed: 3 updates
>Erorr(s) found:
>Code 66A: Windows Update encountered an unknown error.

10/10 Microsoft
>get SSD
>use parted magic live CD to prepare HDD and SSD partitions for dual booting
>try to install Windows 8
>select "C" drive (/dev/sda1, on the SSD, already formated to ntfs)
>windows cannot be installed on that drive
>try every single partition, reboot multiple times, nothing
>find a several year old knowledgebasse entry
>"Windows cannot be installed on Systems with more than four primary partitons"
and then I threw my PC out of the window
How horrifying.

My current plan is use the backup tool to image this to a network share, then raid0 the SSDs and restore the image to the array, and repeat that each time I add an SSD. Hopefully it won't fuck up because I don't want to have to sit through what is quite literally 6 hours of updates again.
not really IT but

> university tech support
> get a bunch of tickets from 1 (residence) building that say internet/phone is out
> go over there to check it out
> go to the utility closet with all the switches
> some drunk cunts broke into there for some reason and threw all the switches out of a third floor window

> some chick says she can't print stuff off at the library
> go with her to the computer and show her how to do it
> it works
> she says "that isn't how I usually do it"
> "how do you do it?"
> "I print it on my laptop"
> she was sending it to the printer at her house
A startup?
>IT support nightmare stories
>IT support
The maximum /g/ ever achieved. kek
>fixing it
>not just not doing it
What is he gonna do, beat you up? Just don't do it for him. Show him how to into FTP, and let him do it his self.

Deleting stuff from winSxS basically bricks the OS nowadays
>Windows update always fails on my laptop
>Search the error code on Google
>Top search, microsoft link to a program designed to fix said error
>Run the fix
>Fix Successful!
>Run Windows Update
>Same fucking error.
false. from what i've seen, there's quite a few sysadmins here. myself included.
Microsoft had a tool for that though.
satan knows whats up.
Microsoft has many tools to brick windows
>implying I'll ever spend my talent on a corporation when I can make extra money on weekends with it.

Also I find IT-support pretty relaxing, it's not as if you ever get bored of on-site technicians calling in and asking how to install windows or how to reach the boot menu
I had a similar problem (Vista sp1 wouldn't upgrade to sp2), only possible answer I saw was Windows was corrupted somewhere.
Windows Update has done this to me enough times on my personal PC that I now just completely ignore the fuckers. Haven't run Windows update for a good 1/2 year now.
Today is a serious day, people taking my bait seriously or I just got reverse trolled.
>Also I find IT-support pretty relaxing, it's not as if you ever get bored of on-site technicians calling in and asking how to install windows or how to reach the boot menu
I don't know, I couldn't really enjoy trying to talk someone through installing windows who has no clue at all.
I find it hilarious how little "professionals" actually know, I have a morbid sense of humour and I've acquired it through meeting the politicians whom my dad worked for at the municipality.
microsoft can't write software for shit

you as a windows user should know this quite well
contrast to linux where many distributions will install the latest versions of everything directly off the net during install

so a fresh install is up to date from the first boot
True, but at least Windows Update scares me less than the prospect of what might happen if I type 'fedup' on my Fedora 19 server.
Just ring them, get it done in like 5 minutes
They must enjoy talking to you. lol :D
Windows still does some things objectively better than GNU/Linux. For example dwm.exe actually works well.
Maybe Mir or Wayland will fix it and I can finally switch permanently.
as strange as it seems, i haven't had trouble with updates in linux since moving to arch 2 years ago

side note; fedora server? i'm not really sure why that would be a thing
isn't fedora just like a desktop version of rhel?
why would there be a server version of a desktop version of a server os?
not a nightmare but a sort of funny story from the other day

>brother hands me his phone because his friend wants to speak to me
>he bought some sort of DJ controller and can't get it working with his computer
>been trying to 3 days
>tell him to bring it round later on and I'll have a look at it
>5 mins later knock at the door
>take a look at it
>no idea why it won't work at first
>ask him what he tried to get it working
>he installed the DJ software and has just been unplugging it and plugging it back in again constantly
>realise that he needed to install an ASIO driver
>go to website
>download and install ASIO driver
>it works
>he gives me £20

Not bad for 10 mins of work.
yea, X needs to die

though dwm isn't comparable to x, it's a compositor (compositors are optional/seperate to x)

>let people use FTP
>being that pleb
>Desktop technician at a tv station
>Uneducated famous worker that runs successful show calls in and says his pc has no internet connection
>go down to check his pc
>everything works fine
>ask what is wrong
>He didn't receive any emails this morning
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Ok, in comparison to Compton or Compiz it's still a lot better.
Fuck I just want my multi monitor configuration to work well, is that too much to ask.
It pisses me off to no end that microsoft can't figure out how to not need reboot all time, or worse, to stop these shit where they install updates before you log in or are allowed to shut down. I mean this might actually kill people. Imagine you -must- get to your email account quickly and you've got nothing but your windows computer and then you're trapped with some huge ass update that takes forever. Then it's finished and you relax, but it reboots and installs another update.
Mike Rowe, Adam Carolla?
Third world country
7.78GB left after all that. Managed to claw my way back to 12GB by shrinking my page file to 2GB, and deleting some useless junk. Windows itself takes up 22GB, with 14GB of that being WinSxS. Should do for now, I suppose.
Actually there is a 'Fedora Server' project that exists to some degree. I just meant I was running Fedora as a server, though.

CentOS6 was too outdated for running a lot of vidya servers on, and I didn't fancy switching to ubuntu/debian. It's given me far less compatibility issues than CentOS, and neither OS ever crashed on me or was unstable.
please, customers has a u at the beginning - I keep reading and thinking you're talking of people who do cosplay or something (or worse)
>windows 8

You deserve it
>this os is a virus
the resizing effect is caused by the fact that windows themselves and the program displayed in them are drawn/handled asyncronously, this actually happens in windows, too
wayland fixes this by syncronizing them

the window lagging behind the mouse when moving it is caused by your compositor, not X
i don't get that, as i prefer not to use a compositor

as for multimonitor, i haven't had much trouble with it, less than windows actually
could be better i suppose
multi monitor with linux is superior to windows

until you install the proprietary nvidia drivers, which fuck up everything
>Migrating company to new machines
>One woman's is taking forever
>Check her files
>She had seasons 1-3 of Game of Thrones on her work computer
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This is the same machine with the Intel IGP and Compton for compositing, everything works just fine.
If I disable compositing it's extremely fast, but there's no vSync and windows tear when you move them.
Doesn't your company has a policy regarding personnal stuff on working environnement ?
>using a partition scheme that's non-standard
>complain when things fail

>not slipstreaming all updates into the ISO

>not enabling NTFS compression
>2 partitions (ntfs (C:), XFS (/)) on SSD
>3 partitions (ntfs (D:), swap, LVM-base-shit) on HDD
>not standard

not to mention that this left-over from the 90s limitation means you cannot have more than 4 physical hdd/ssd in your system without raid; tiptopkek
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>If I disable compositing it's extremely fast, but there's no vSync and windows tear when you move them.
i've never cared if my windows tear when moving them

i installed gnome shell just now to see how its wayland support is going, seems to work quite well (as does xwayland)
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