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what is the dumbest tech support (or 'ANON...
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what is the dumbest tech support (or 'ANON HELP ME WITH MY COMPUTER') problem you've been called for?
>Dad calls me yelling about his password
>He thinks I changed it
>"What was your old password, Dad?"
>"I didn't. What was your password yesterday?"
>Is caps lock on?
>Oh... yeah it is. Sorry about that?

A Mac, of course.
In high-school I had to help a teacher to find a file. She didn't know the directory, but the name and was to retarded to use search.
>not blueleds.png

oh and,
>how do i send a message on facebook
This may not be dumb but I felt kind of goofy about it.
>high school
>teacher requests for me from class
>his computer won't boot
>realize within a second why
>eject floppy drive and cycle power
>boots fine
>turn around to leave
>he says to stay and have a coke with him
Just a weird situation like he could have tried to press the only other button on the machine.
>what is the problem
>the computer won't start there's probably some connection problem I saw ISP vans drive around earlier
>those have nothing to do with each other but I'll be right over
>arrive and see the computer at the login password prompt
>fill in the password
>everything works just fine
>What do you mean there's nothing wrong? I typed it seven times earlier and it didn't work! I wouldn't type it wrong 7 times it was broken!
>You do C.S?
>So can you help me setup my facebook account and email?
Faggots who say Macs are for dumb people, then go on to say they don't know how to do anything on them.

ok, I guess that isn't really tech support.

I sold an old computer to someone. They call me one night saying it's not printing, I go over on the phone step by step, starting with "is it plugged in?" Check the connections, click this menu, that setting, ... still not printing. So I get up early the next morning to make the side trip to check it out.

It wasn't plugged in.

And that wasn't the only problem I had to deal with concerning this sale. Luckily they were visiting teachers taking classes here and I never had to deal with them again. No offense Samoa, but fuck, your teachers are stupid.
>tradespersons at work
>computer for jobs is broken let's go find it support
>spend an hour looking around, can't find them
>get back, press on switch
>comp lights up, no display
>switch on monitor. Tradesperson Impressed
>OMG my computer won't turn on, it makes noises but nothing happens!!!!
monitor was turned off
>Faggots who say Macs are for dumb people, then go on to say they don't know how to do anything on them.

Cock-hungry butthurt mac user detected.
faggot who doesn't know how to copy and delete files detected.
>fixing laptop
>backed up all pictures and videos
>formatted hdd and reinstalled windows
>returned it to him and get paid
>within an hour calls me back saying his pictures don't work
>drive to his house
>thumbnails were off
I had driven for 14 hours for work and my mom called me freaking out because she couldn't get her phone to turn on.

The battery was dead.
>Buy mom A external HDD and fill it with movies.
>Watches Cesar Milan EVERY FUCKING DAY
>Nothing else
>Not one of the 500 fucking movies on the HD

Also fuck food captchas
Maybe he just wanted a friend.
Or some buttpussy.
I'm calling bullshit here, you can't make a call on a phone if the battery is dead.

gtfo liar
>back when I played WoW in high school
>I was at my friends house and he was afk so I hit the '/' button on the numpad to make him walk slowly
>I go home
>he calls me back like an hour later asking how to fix it
>Faggots who say Macs are for dumb people, then go on to say they don't know how to do anything on them.
I can do shit in the terminal easily enough since it's similar to gnu/linux
>what is a landline
If she had a usable phone she wouldn't call in a panic.
> Guy in my CS course is doing assingment.
> Turns around.
>Elbow hits power button.
>Loses entire project.

Darwin was right.
uh excuse me... he was 10 years older than me

he he he
>i know exactly what people would do in situations i've never heard before
>work at ups
>talking to another driver
>become friends
>computers come up one day
>ask me if i can fix his
>malware out the ass
>backup files
>looking through pictures
>no face
>reinstall windows
>return his laptop
>never talk again

What was worse was others asking to fix their shit for free after that
Quit trying to find any excuse you can to be a faggot
Yeah, it's called social awareness. Most intelligent people can do this.
How do you say no to helping with stupid shit (fix muh computer) without sounding like an ass?
Just tell them your rate
>anon! i have a problem! my computer no workerino, pls help!
>Could you elaborate exactly what's the issue?
>my computer is slow, i try to use it and it wont work, pls help!
>Sorry, I'm not very well versed on computer "speeds", maybe logalgeeksquad can help you make your computer faster.

This idiot.
Tell them u only use linux

>grandpa calls up, computer is fucked
>he drops it off
>10,000 toolbars
>install ArchLinux
>compile everything from source
>get superior rolling release minimal system
>force all daemons and proessces, x windows, etc required to be manually started (like they SHOULD BE)
>return laptop in now working condition
>he calls up
Fucking old people, just die already.
>force all daemons and proessces, x windows, etc required to be manually started (like they SHOULD BE)

That's horrifying.
>work for tech-service for local municipality
>thin client system
>anon, can you help me my computer won't boot
>try everything I can remotely, can't turn it on
>decide to walk by and see what the problem is
>thin client has no cable
>"why did you take the cable from the pc?"
>""because my macbook needed internet and the wifi is too slow here""
>tell him he is not allowed to touch network cables at any time
>gets mad at me because it's "his office"
>tell him his pc won't turn on if the cable is not connected
>tell him the cable only works on the pc because of MAC filtering
>gets mad at me because he needs internet
>tell him to plug back the cable and try again
>tell him to complain to my boss if he wants to
>mfw it was the mayor
Probably was a network profile and when he was trying to log in the network wasn't connected. I get this a lot with my job, so tired of the calls about no logon service available.
tell me, intelligent man with social awareness, what if she had an important number (or any important thing really) on her phone? wouldn't she freak out when she finds her cell phone "dead" all of a sudden?

>if its important she would have it somewhere else
this is average people we are talking about, a tech illiterate mom in fact it wouldn't even need to be something important, maybe she just wanted to play a game, or text her friend, or literally any thing
>work for comcast
>going over to some guy's house to setup internet
>suburban neighborhood
>knock on door
>guy's mom opens the door
>Hi, come on in, my son's waiting upstairs
>go upstairs
>room is a fucking mess, two plates on the table, cables everywhere
>fat mid-twenties neckbeard sitting in a beatup office chair
>he has dual monitors, ricer case with lights and transparent panel
>tells me "I could do it myself but the comcast guy said it was necessary to have you come over"
>I go over to his computer
>seems to be at a tty, not logged in
>"can you login for me?"
>fat guy begrudgingly logs in
>clearly a unix prompt with no X
>fat guy thinks I'm confused: "this isn't windows, it's an OS you probably never even heard of called "leenux" and there's no GUI because it's made for programmers and advanced users"
>I go over to the keyboard and type 'uname -a'
>he's using ubuntu
>I hit ctrl-alt-f7
>it works
>fat guy:"what are you dooooing"
>gnome comes up with all his weeaboo loli porn thumbnails still open
>fat guy pushes me away, turns off the computer and starts yelling at me that he's going to report me
>giving your gramps linux instead of the interface he is familiar with

old people have it bad enough already, don't force a higher dificulty on them
>what if she had an important number (or any important thing really) on her phone? wouldn't she freak out when she finds her cell phone "dead" all of a sudden?
She wouldn't call her autistic son, she'd call a phone repair shop.
>tell him the cable won't give internet to macbook because of MAC filtering*
So this guy comes and tells me that if he boots his Linux in text mode and then goes startx he can't get bumblebee to autostart.
Launching it normally though works just fine. So does starting the service.

If asked though tty, it just says it needs nvidia-current which he did mention has already installed and detects it just fine after startx.

I just ignored him because I wasn't really interested in wasting my time with him.
>what is going outside
oh yes, her son who knows about computers and flashy screens would be the last person she'd think about
If anything, giving him any linux DE would make him feel nostalgic.
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Le master troll. I'm not even bothered.
This is the internet and I don't believe your story
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>srs question
>she'd call a phone repair shop.
oh and also you did assume that the story was bullshit because she CALLED in the first place
now suddenly calling someone is totally accepted for you
We've established that she had access to a landline. Keep up, sperglord.
Considering that story is getting posted on a daily basis it's probably what we usually call "pasta"
stale pasta at that
Many new computers* don't even have a caps lock key. Good riddance.

* Assuming Chromebooks count as computers
>loli porn thumbnails still open
Is the joke that he's opened the thumbnails instead of the loli porn itself?
not the dumbest one ever, but certainly brought a smile to my face
>thank you for calling such-n-such support, this is Anon, how can I help you
>yes, my screen is upside down
>"the physical monitor or just the display on-screen?"
>the display is upside down
>"please press ctrl+alt and the up arrow on the right side of your keyboard"
>ok great, that fixed it
>"is there anything else I can help you with?"
>no that'll be it
>in the background 'ayy carole, you's a stupid nigga, he had it fixed in like 2 seconds'
Found the freetard.
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ahh, pasta and the people who fall for it
thanks for posting this.
>Using mom's yoga 2
>watching anime
>tablet mode with screen rotation locked so I cold lay down on my side
>later mom wakes me us at 5 in the morning screaming at me to fix her laptop
>mfw they don't know how to unlock rotation
The joke is gahnoo linsux has no thumbnails to being with.
HR lady couldn't type numbers. Numlock was off.
>mom calls
>hey anon I'm going to drop off my phone later I broke the screen
>decide to look and see if it's software
>no, the screen is smashed
>explain that I can't fix it
>she gets mad and tells me I'm good with tech so I should fix it
>she's yelling that I always liked my dad more and I'm ungrateful

that's right about the time when I moved out
>Hey anon you do a comp sci course don't you?
>Can you have a look at my phone,tablet,laptop etc
>Oh sorry I don't know anything about those
>But you do comp sci?
>Yeah but I only work with desktops and servers sorry.
>Oh ok

Fuck all people have desktops anymore and they see that Laptops and Desktops are the same really. Not lying about phones and tablets though, fucking hate those things.
>Yeah but I only work with desktops and servers sorry.
Why would you respond in this manner? They also have nothing to do with computer science. You should tell people what computer science actually entails and then fix their computer anyway.
>being a cuck
I would but fixing the same problems over and over again and trying to teach someone who doesn't want to learn or just doesn't give to fuck to remember because it is easier to ask me gets annoying. Now I play dumb except for the few people who listen and look after their shit and just need stuff installed and tune ups.

Charge them. if they think $50 is too much to fix their slow as fuck computer by reinstalling then its their loss
>formatting someones computer as a first option
you're too fucking stupid to be working with computers.
>not blackmailing them

>wasting time removing each and every toolbar, rootkit and malware

top fucking kek. if I open CCleaner and see more than 10 entries for shit, im telling them that im going to back up their files and nuke the damn thing. I automatically make ISOs with the latest updates every week anyway so updates dont take long at all.

git good faggot
Start charging money :^)

>hey anon, plz fix my pc
>tons of malware and those fucking smiley faces packs :@

>hey anon, can you make my Samshit Galaxy S2000 go faster?
It's some weird meme that you have to format Windows every 2 months while 5minutes in msconfig does the same job.
>Spend hours removing shit to a bare install with virus software + browser (all they ever use)
>Spend 5 minutes installing then add virus software and browser for and aditional 2 minutes.

Gee, I dunno, which one do I choose?
Tell them you don't know shit and send them to some other guy
Teach me senpai
>not billing hourly for virus removal
>ccleaner to remove malware
lowest of keks, you're retarded.

>5 minutes to install

call me crazy, but my customers appreciate that I don't set them back to day 1 with their favorites, saved passwords, and installed programs.

fags like you are the reason nobody likes geek squad.
>hurr durr, idk how to troubleshoot, let's just format it

it sounds like you dont value your time and would rather take the longest fucking route possible to solve a problem, do you use arch?
>my customers

Sorry, I didn't realize that you actually did bitch work for a living. I only ever do this shit for my family, because they fucking put up with me and gave me food.

Cleaning everything back takes maximum 40mins.

Nuking from scratch takes minimum 40mins. Plus the aggro afterwards.
sorry, should I specify that I mean the older folks up the street?
>pick up computer
>start mbam scan and go back to whatever the fuck I was doing
>return computer that night and collect cash
y'all niggas need to git better at this.

this is my off the books work. day job is storage administration.
Being empathetic towards someone who asked for your help and spending 10 minutes instead of 5 isn't some fucking "long route".

No shit people are asking something from you faggots and don't even have the decency to treat it like anything but bitch work.

>pick up computer
>back up My Documents folder, maybe Downloads (normies dont use anything else)
>nuke + reinstall
>use ninite to install all programs in one go
>"ok, so I removed the viruses, removed all the bloatware and free trial popups and installed programs so you dont get any more viruses (ublock)
>bill accordingly

less time fucking around, more time shitposting on /g/
>implying ninite has all programs ever conceived
you do it your way, I'll do it mine.

>empathetic towards people who are paying you to do bitch work

it really does seem like your time is worthless, you probably fix bitches laptops because you are such a nice guy.
>talking about worthless time
>on a fucking imageboard
And nice of you to bring up the sex argument. It just really drives the point across that you're an arch user.
The easiest solution is to deliberately avoid anything that would lead to knowledge about other people's files. I'm pretty apathetic and hard to surprise, but it really is easier that way,
This is supposed to be about dumb tech support ! Not about preaching leeenux
Dude, that's just bad luck not stupidity.
that is a problem with a time complexity O(n^2) :^)
Faggot, that is the best way.
>Sitting down on a table with a cute co-worker
>"Anon how do I print something out"

> telling passwords on phone

NSA upvoted this.
No I set up that computer myself for them. It's a single computer that's not connected to anything.
too inefficient. If anyone gave me anything that is not at least O(N) I would fail them immediately
Stupidity was not to save once in a while
>not making note of all custimized settings and putting things back the way they were
you're smalltime bruh
>customer has a problem that is easily resolved by READING THE FUCKING ERROR MESSAGE THEY WERE GIVEN

>"It wont accept my password!"
>read error message "your new password must not be the same as a previous password"
>Literally read message back to customer, word for word, preceded by "oh, it says", and followed by "try that"

It's like these people suddenly lose the ability to read when something doesn't happen the way they expected it to.
You're not >>47832237
Why make that post?
it's not that hard to set up browser sync, save password, note programs and set everything back the way it was after giving them a fresh start with not only the malware gone, but the assurance that there are no gaping holes in the security of the system left behind
>not schooching over and doing a reach around to "get both hands on the keyboard" and showing her how to keyboard shortcut
Start working at a place full of designers

> anon, we are having some problems with phpList, we wrote our own HTML, copied several codes from google and nothing works
> ok, lemme check the .html file
> they literally just copied random code from goodle, tons of useless tags everywhere, even exemple.jpg images.

Jesus that was horrific.
I notice this a lot with old people. They want to memorize some sequence of keys to press to make shit happen instead of just reading what the fucking screen tells them to do.
Nice try, I've already read that before.
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Don't reveal your power level.
I literally installed skype on old people's computers for $50 a pop when I lived in palm springs
god bless retirement communities
>high school
>teacher "hey anon I don't know why but I feel like you can help me with this computer problem"
>translated "hey you seem like a nerd help me out"
>look at pc, screens misplaced on monitor
>connected to projector, so not pc
>open monitor settings, 'autofit' option right there
>"you're a lifesaver anon"

>mfw I tried so hard to avoid looking like a nerd by that point but it didn't work
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>mom:anon theres no internet, i couldn't use the laptop today
>me:uh... are you sure, I was using the wifi in the morning
>yea anon, I tried paying some bills but the page wouldn't load. Maybe we should buy a new laptop or something. I have internet on my phone.
>hmm, let me check for you mom
>turn on laptop
>open up firefox, page doens't load
>check the wifi button and its off
>click the button
>mom, I fixed the computer!
>love you anon

> at gym with fat lifting bro
> old PT that works the desk comes up to fat friend
> ' do you know anything about computers?'
> fat friend doesn't know shit about computers, I step forward and offer to help
> PT gives me a weird look
> 'you do? Can you help me with something real quick?'
> follow him over to shitty old pc they use for registration
> `it won't turn on when I press the power button. '
> turn monitor around, it's unplugged
> fix it for him
>' thanks man! You're a real computer wiz! '
>' Y-you too '
This reminds me of a night when I was troubleshooting my computer all night when ubuntu wouldn't boot. I found out through recovery mode that it hung on networkmanager doing something, so I reinstalled that and a bunch of other core packages, reset tons of configs, all to realize I accidentally hit the wifi button that I never used, which caused it to not boot.
>buy expensive iPhone
>it suddenly won't turn on
Of course the mom would freak out, social awareness my ass.
>my tech illiterate mother comes to me and asks me to turn her phone on after she has charged it because she definitely cant think to hold the one single button she uses to turn it on everyday
My grandmother thought that you can write on sd cards only once. It was hillarious when i found a collection of >30 sd cards filled with sometimes only a few pictures (she used them for her digicam)
ya mother just wanted to talk to you ya ass
Maybe she thought they were like the old films of the past.
Did you bill him?
>be me
>mom asks help for computer
>offers to pay in a new upgraded mincraft server
>get my fat ass to her pc
>viruses everywhere, fucking windows
>she leaves to upgrade minecraft server
>install gentoo to her computer, fuck up the installation
>she comes back
>mom I got you gentoo
>she has no idea how to fix it
>I go back to my Ubuntu computer in my room
>High school work experience at hospital IT department
>Nurse calls saying her computer won't turn on
>Send to check it out
>The monitor was switched off
>Didn't want to make her feel stupid, so jiggled some cables around on the computer
>Turned monitor on
Well, it is a modified BSD kernel.
Or just set auto save. Most decent programs do this nowadays.
Considering GNU is similar to Unix I think saying MacOS is similar to GNU makes sense. The user land is also mostly BSD.
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>removed dad's admin privileges so that he could not install dumb shit for no reason
>have to come over to change things, but less of a pain that to reformat every three months
>yells at me to return admin privileges because he cannot delete files
>check it out
>attempting to remove linker files that are critical for certain programs to find volumes
>image volumes scattered all over the place
>images from camera are dumped into folders with no rhyme or reason
>backup external HDDs are scattered all around office with no labels or volume manifest
>can't ever find shit
>threatens to buy new computer from the store

Go ahead. Have fun paying geeksquad $300 to reinstall windows.

He has a fucking PhD.
that's actually very sweet of you anon
GNU is just a collection of tools. It has nothing to do with the kernel.

Plebs. I handle all my problems through bogosort!
I didn't say it did, are you trying to make some kind of point or what?
>work for computer repair shop
>work on a computer for a few days, OS is completely fucked
>end up restoring the computer
>copy all of the lady's data back, re-setup Outlook, all that stuff
>everything looks good, give computer back to owner
>a few hours later she calls me, yelling louder than a Dothraki screamer
>her wireless connection isn't working, it won't show any nearby networks
>shit fuck how did I not check the wireless? That's so obvious
>she demands we come out to her home, she isn't coming back in
>I'm pretty new to this shop, I don't want to tell my boss I fucked up this bad
>"Alright I'll come out to your house, I get off in an hour", I get her address
>She lives in the middle of fucking nowhere, it takes me nearly two hours to get there
>She is a literal hoarder. Her house is musty and smells like cat piss
>She's acting all uppity and shit like I owed her something
>fucking whatever, I'm here, let's get this over with
>she leads me through the waste dump that is her home to her "office"
>there's a fucking USB wlan card connected to her desktop (which she didn't give us)
>the driver disc is sitting ON TOP of her fucking desktop
>I'm speechless
>I put in the disc
>next next next finish
>Wow amazing, wireless works now
>"It works"
>I get up and leave without another word

She watched me take one look at the computer and install the driver with zero effort. I hope she feels really embarrassed for herself. People like that never feel ashamed though.. But that's when I adopted "the customer is always wrong" mentality
Stupid friend of mine couldn't install gentoo

>Help anon i cant print this email
>arrive at house, get on computer, windows vista
>email open in ie
>ie isnt saving it
>try firefox, downloads just fine
>its a pdf, open it in adobe then print it
>"Just use firefox next time, heres your email"
>"ok thanks"
>tries to give me $20
>i didn't do anything
Nice waifu man
>Someone doesn't know how to use computers, needs something printed
>I helped him print it

>I didn't do anything

>her wireless connection isn't working, it won't show any nearby networks
>shit fuck how did I not check the wireless? That's so obvious
>She's acting all uppity and shit like I owed her something
>there's a fucking USB wlan card connected to her desktop (which she didn't give us)
>the driver disc is sitting ON TOP of her fucking desktop
the fuck are you even trying to do
>"My internet isn't working"
>Are you connected to the internet?
>"How do I do that?"
>aunt calls
>"my printer isn't printing"
>drive over
>turn printer off and on
>printer prints flawlessly
>aunt pours me wine and pays me $50

feels good man.
this guy >>47838488
trying to show that >>47838369
was stupid
>study applied cs, specialty cybercrime
>Dad:"Son, we have a hacker on our network!"
>I can see his IP on our network
>what is it?
>lookup MAC
>Panasonic Corp.
>It's the fucking TV
>stupid Internet Of Things
Only time I ever called tech support was when Xbox first came out and it locked up randomly saying it needed service...
The only thing I remember is talking to the guy and giving him the error code and him saying this ..
>that shouldn't have happened yet..
This bugged the fuck out of me

>to retarded

anon, pls
>implying normies don't scatter important data to the four winds, littering it everywhere in the file system.
That's really sweet
this is more of an "asshole customer" story

>work at an independent cable ISP
>some customers have D1.1 modems
>they sometimes need to be power-cycled to regain connection
>older woman calls my office, says internet doesn't work
>try to get her to reset the modem
>instead she starts screaming that I'm supposed to come fix it
>okay ma'am be there in 20 minutes

>go to her house, check out the modem
>unplug it, plug it back in
>internet comes back immediately
>"are you fucking kidding me? that's all you had to do??"
>ma'am I tried to explain on the phone
>"this is bullshit your fucking stuff never works"
>hand her a service invoice for $50
>she loses it
>okay ma'am have a nice day
>call my boss and tell him what happened
>grab my ladder and disconnect her cable service

>get back to the office
>she's already on the phone with my boss (the owner)
>he politely tells her we'll restore service if she pays the service fee and the balance of her account. she was like four months behind
>he tells her she'll also have to pay the reconnection fee ($125)
>he starts screaming into the phone

>two weeks later, boss hands me a work order for a reconnect
>go to the woman's house, reconnect the service
>go inside, check the TV and the cable modem
>everything works. she says nothing but scowls at me the entire time.
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>"Hey anon, my iPhone dies fast. Can you look at it?"
>Bluetooth on, GPS location on, Wifi on, mail fetch on, brightness at 100%, every single app open running in background
Sadly no degree in this world teaches street smarts..
>two weeks later, get a phone call from the same woman
>she says her internet isn't working again, try to get her to power-cycle the modem
>she tells me I need to come fix it
>explain to her that she can save $50 if she just unplugs the modem and plugs it back in

>go to her house
>unplug the modem, plug it back in
>it takes a second, but reconnects
>she starts screaming unintelligibly
>okay ma'am. this is an older modem, it needs to be re-set when it loses connection. I can give you a new one so this doesn't happen
>"why didn't you fucking tell me that the first time"
>because it's going to cost you $100
>she pauses for a second then scowls "just fucking do it then"

>install new modem, call office to activate
>everything works, hand her the bill for $150
>she looks at the bill, looks at me and says "what is an error ID-10T?"
Thread replies: 150
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