DIRTY VILLA BASTARD
I HATE YOU
YOU'RE A FUCKING DISGRACE
YOUR CLARET AND BLUE FACE MAKES ME SPEW
WHEN I GO TO VILLA PARK
I'M HOPING THAT YOUR LIFE WILL END
YOU'RE A DIRTY VILLA BASTARD
YOU'LL NEVER BE MY FRIEND
YOU'RE A DIRTY VILLA BASTARD
YOU'LL NEVER BE MY FRIEND
Got a new waifu lads, and I don't care if she gives me Ebola
>blocked by Channel 4
The people of that network need culling
Lads how to I top stressing about going to uni? I've been visiting ones I've been considered for but can't get it out of my mind that I'm too retarded for them and cheated my way in somehow. Not even that good at talking to people either.
>all these plebs that have never heard this joke before
Literally what the fuck are you worrying about, the course is one of the ones with a relatively small number of airheaded normies (I always wish I took STEM for that reason alone), and the two unis are in Scotland's two best cities. Literally no reason at all to worry.
Anyone else just in limbo?
I'm thoroughly depressed, everyone I see seems happy but I sit indoors, unhappy. The problem is I have no desire to prove anything.
I also wonder if I should top myself but I'm actually terrified of death and I WANT to live.
What the fug do I do
>Anyone else just in limbo?
been a bit limboey for a few years now
my therapist just referred me to a psychiatrist, i'll be seeing him in a few days. hopefully he can put me on some meds that'll fix me, and maybe the same could work for you too.
I will buy us a house in a little village with a big garden and plant tulips in patterns across the garden, we will be able to cuddle in the grass between the tulips on sunny days. I will kiss you and tell you that I love you.
>Anon: "The flight plan I just filed with the OP lists me, these funposters, Maisiebro here, but only one of you. First one to talk gets to stay in my thread!"
Anon drags one of the smelly autists to the edge of the thread
>Anon: “Who paid you to report Maisiebro?
Anon fires a shot
>Anon: “He didn’t fly so good, who wants to try next?”
Anon grabs the 2nd autist
>Anon: “Tell me about the janitor, why does he do it for free? [silence] A lot of loyalty for a hired gun!”
>Masked man: "Or perhaps he's wondering why someone would make a new thread... before the old one gets to page 9"
>Anon: "At least you can talk. Who are you?"
>Masked man: "It doesn't matter who I am; what matters is my plan"
Anon lifts the hood off the man's head. Underneath is the fat, greasy face of the janitor.
>Janitor: "No one cared who I was until I became a janitor"
>Anon: "If I made a new thread would you delete it?"
>Janitor: "It would be gone extremely quickly"
>Anon: "You must be well-compensated for that"
>Janitor: "For free"
Overhead a mod surveys a list of ban requests
>Janitor: "Maisiebro refused our offer in favour of yours, we had to find out what he told you"
>Maisiebro: “Nothing, I said nothing!”
>Anon: “Well congratulations, you got yourself caught. Now what’s the next step in your master plan?”
>Janitor “404ing this thread… with no survivors!”
The janitor deletes the early thread. A mod squad descends on /brit/, deleting, among other things, slag pictures which show the slightest bit of nipple, dank memes which they take a personal and autistic dislike to, and hilarious fedora pictures which offend them because they are a bunch of unpaid, unwashed, classy, fedora-wearing yank fucks.
I will take you around the world and show you all the beauty that is within it. We can be one and together, there will be no need for anybody else, we can experience life and growing older, learning what the world is together.
Hi, I've noticed you're very cute and your country is a very rich country. I am a single man with many hardships and no one to share my life with. I have a large cardboard box but no one to cuddle on my pizza box and burn garbage with.
If you're interested, I wish to leave my current life and start a new one with you, all the things you have can be mine too.
What do you say?
Bit nippy lads.
I'm the first housemate back, and the heatings off.
Nobody cared who Janny was until he put on the mask
Years of alcoholism has destroyed my memory.
I'm surprised I can still remember how to shitpost tbh.
I must confess something to you: You have been on my mind a lot lately. The nicest thing happened last night. I was looking at your profile and must have gone to sleep with your image on my mind because later on, after I fell asleep, I ended up having a dream about you! It was one of those special, wondrous dreams that you hope would never end. In the morning I was still very much under the spell of this wonderful dream. And this delightful sensation has lasted all day long today, up until now. I thought you should know since you were the main character in the dream.
About the dream I had about you, it was a sensitive, beautiful, and intimate dream in which we related to each other as though we had known each other for ages. As a poet and writer, I enjoy writing my dreams in detail (the ones I can remember), and I could do that here just for you, that is, if you have the time now, are in the mood to feel something unique and beautiful, and promise me you won't blush too much. Are you ready for this delightful experience?
I don't dream often, but when I do, they tend to be profound and sweet, like the dream I had about you. If you promise me you won't blush too much, I can tell you about the dream. You should not be afraid to ask because everything that happened in the dream was very natural, sweet, and beautiful. The most surprising thing is that in the dream it was as though we already knew each other from a long time ago. Perhaps in a prior life? :-)
I have written the entire dream as a PowerPoint presentation, with a nice musical background. Can I send it to your e-mail address?
Seriously meeting a girl on the internet is the absolute worst thing you can possibly do.
I was a party with my girlfriend from London I met on /brit/ who I had been with for over a year now (we were living in the same city for uni) and she was playing beer pong with this guy. I brought over some red cups and it became a hit at parties. I was pretty drunk and just sitting down, he made a bet that if she lost against him she would have to play the next round topless.
Next thing she loses (because she is bad) and ends up literally taking her tits out for everyone to see. Then the guy, presumably to try his luck, bet her that if she lost against she would have to suck his dick. My girlfriend turns to me and says "I know I can win this time! What do you say?"
I thought she was joking, so I just casually replied "Yeah, whatever"
Then she loses again, and this asshole says something like "Hey, a bet's a bet." and my girlfriend responds with some bullshit like "Well I am a woman of my word." Within the space of fifteen seconds she's literally on her knees, topless, sucking this guys dick. There was nothing I could do about it.
Because of that I just turned away and pretended to see nothing / try to not look like some beta fagot. Then after a couple of minutes I hear him saying "Go, show him. Let him see" and my girlfriend taps me on the shoulder, opens her mouth full of his cum, then closes it again and swallows in front of me.
Fuck /brit/. Fuck women. Fuck life. I'm out.
I dated a lesbian when I was sixteen, she said she was "unsure" and we never got to sleep together as she didn't feel like it when we tried but we got to cuddle and kiss lots and she was lovely.
I didn't go to my appointment this week too, kind of regret it now with how I feel right now, but my new guy is shit so I didn't want to go
I'm completely dead inside.
I just keep going because I'm too afraid to kill myself by traditional means.
Hence the alcoholism and never leaving my room.
>mfw it's buggy as fuck tonight
just move in on her as soon as fucking possible lad, you'll only regret it. I know it will be hard to do that but think how hard it will be to see them get in a relationship. It will be fucking torture, a similar thing happened to me
just saying what needs to be done
not recently. I checked myself into the emergency room in september for the dts though. They kept asking if I had taken amphetamines or cocaine, because my resting heart rate was so high. They scanned my heart, and tested my thyroid, but it all came back normal. I didn't tell them what it was because I'm a coward, and I don't want it on my medical records. I don't think they suspected it was alcohol related because I'm under 30.
literally just saw a recent article predicting a massive chance of a labour gain in my constituency
Meanwhile in reality, UKIP is consistently polling 5-10% ahead
Are they trying to ron paul ukip?
It's Ashcroft who's normally pretty reliable
It's gonna be awful if labour wins in may because they'll just target my constituency with immigration until it's >80% labour voting paki
but it's so hard lad. i've sat next to her with my arm around her before but i'm so fucking beta i'll even make an excuse to leave the situation. the mental thing is, i had several gfs when i was in secondary school, although i never got past fingering. now i'm 24 and my teenage anxiety has returned with super power
Gonna have a wank tbh
But what to is the question lads
>tfw dumped mine 2 months ago
>tfw relatives will ask about her
>tfw don't want to tell them I dumped her since no matter how I explain it they'll assume either that I'm a cunt for leaving her or that I'm a pathetic cunt for pretending that I left her rather than it being the other way round
tbh I get the impression girls have it easy in this side of things
would you feel better if i told you the fact i never managed to achieve penetrative sex was the fact i suffer from premature ejaculation to such an extent that i have literally jizzed my pants with a semi-erection and nobody touching it?
I recently severely reduced my alcohol intake and feel a whole lot better. Just had had enough of being constantly drunk and feeling like constant shite. Still drank constantly on Wednesday and had to spend all of Thursday recovering.
about 7/8. 20 or 30 years ago it used to be a point of honour for men in the old mining towns where i live to go out and drink 10/15 pints (but it was usually weaker 3-4% stuff back in those days)
I never had a problem with drinking during the day, too busy working. But I drink 7 or 8 cans of super strength lager every single night. In the morning I wake up with the shakes and a bit of sweat on my forehead, even if the house is freezing. But I can stay sober all day. I often have to drive shit for my job as well kek
i did a bar crawl which was one pint at least in each pub, think we did 12 pubs, you had to do shots in some as well
but that was over quite a long period of time, in an evening probably about 6, don't really like drinking beer that much tbh
Im hardly a normie im a fat virgin neet loser i just have a friend
Thanks lad im gonna try to not be wierd
Scary canary tbh only been once before and it was shit but my friend wanted to go so eh
I work for a tool hire company. 25 grand a year to sort order forms and drive pneumatic drills to building sites. I always try to put cigarette burns in company cars/vans because I know the fucking managers all smoke in them and they would be too scared to bring it up as an issue. Fucking jobsworth pricks