>meet some operators in the lunch room talking about how it used to be in Iraq
>overhear some guys talking about the animals
>tell them my grandpa saw some shit with horrible animals in Morocco
>Operator turns left and begins an awesome story.
>When I was in Iraq we were driving posts for a new fence. I was in the infantry guarding the piledriver machine ACoE used to drive the poles into the sand
>there were some convenient holes, evenly spaced about 12 feet apart all around the location of our new base.
>everything is going better than expected because piledriver machine has no problem driving posts into the ground.
>All of a sudden Arab with 3 camels with all kinds of bags and shit attached to their back begins to approach us and starts flailing his hands wildly and yelling
>no interpreter is available, the best we have is some black guy whose a muslim from chicago and speaks some broken arabic.
>we tell the guy to stop advancing, he keeps coming
>bang bullet whizzes by the arab guys face
>he nearly shits his pants
>wont stop wildly yelling
>but stops moving forward
>camels start to bug out
>black guy thinks he heard somthing about a snake
>thinks the guy is not a problem, tries to talk to him from a safe distance while we all have our M-4's pointed right at the guy and his camels
>piledriver machine almost done with poles.
>ACoE guys getting ready with chicken wire and razor wire for the fence
>black guy appears to be making broken conversation with camel man
>all of a sudden black guy turns the color of michael jackson
>RUN GET AWAY FROM THE PILEDRIVER
>Piledriver guy asks why, is there an IED?
>THE HOLES ARE COBRA HOLES RUN AWAY NOW!
>as the black guy finishes the sentance about 100 cobras come out of each hole and start hissing and bobbing thier heads with hoods open all over the place
>snakes hissing all over the place in the desert
>we run away
Pic related, its the desert cobra and he doesn't fuck around.
story from my granpy When he was in WWII in morocco
>be stationed in marakesh
>all sorts of horrible animals that the troops are unprepared for come into the barraks
>giant mosquitos that spread yellow fever and malaria
>Revillie happens. Everyone up at the ass crack of dawn to shower and get ready.
>grandpa's bunkie gets out of the shower. puts his boots back on.
>Guy howls in agony
>pulls foot our of boot
>lol there was a huge yellow scorpion the size of grandpas hand in the boot
>grandpa uses 1911 to dispatch scorpion in boot
>ties off the guys foot with a belt and tries to suck the venom out.
>and that was the day that grandpa would never leave his boots on the floor of his barracks again.
another story, this time from a friend who went to trashcanistan.
>be my friend
>be helo gunner
>someone on the helo has FLIR on
>some taliban guy is raping a goat
>they all have a giggle
>they would regularly have bug fights
>find the biggest meanest bug you can get
>put inside small glass box
>bet huge (for them) sums of money on the winner
>fucking scorpions always won
>idiot in his group thinks its a good idea to try and catch a viper
>hand rots off and he goes home with an amputation for stupidity.
>be my Old 1SG
>catch a pair of monkeys one day near the DFAC
>one male one female
>put them in cage in company area
>ask doc for testosterone
>inject testosterone into male monkey
>monkey fucks the shit out of female monkey
>becomes main source of entertainment
>watch monkeys go at it for hours
>watch every day till they die
such is life in the nam
yes, yes he was. I'm not sure what happened to him, but he always got through checkpoints without much of a hard time. Just a little look around his camels and he was good to go. I never heard of him ever getting busted with contraband or getting busted for breaking cerfew but that could just be because he was only passing through that one time.
Saw-scaled vipers are fucking bad tempered, mean and downright dangerous.
I 'think' they might actually be responsible for killing the most people in the world from bites, we kept well away from them.
I heard the critters in vietnam are fucking horrible. A girl i know (Julie the qt viet-jew, actually) once showes me pics of this giant brown spider she found on a wall that she just took in her hands and put outside as if i was a stray kitten or something. She even called it cute.
Camel. Fucking. Spiders.
Before the US took back the Philippines my Grandfather was there as part of the OSI. He worked with the civilians and the Moros against the Japanese. One of their favorite traps to do was a snake trap. They'd take canisters or crates and put a venomous snake inside. Then they'd smuggle the container into a Japanese camp hopefully some poor dump jap would open it and get bit.
Another that I heard of was that they'd take a mix of off bread and syrup and spread it on cables and wires. Then the rats would come and gnaw through the cables.
That's really the only stories i have and long after his death. Only know about them because of some writings he did back in the 70's.
I've got one from my buddy.
>He was in Iraq manning a guard tower and something tripped the wire outside setting off the flairs.
>He unloads 200 rounds with the saw lighting up the area
>Next morning a patrol is sent out to look for dead Iraqis
>All they find is a dead cow that had been riddled with machine gun fire
>tfw I've heard this exact story but with scorpions
>Was it a lie
I don't know why but I keep hearing Head Like a Hole from Nine Inch Nails when I think about centipedes. Particularlly...
Bow down before the one you serve
You're going to get what you deserve
I guess deep down I know they're going to take over the earth. And then to see how big they were during the Devonian era. Jesus christ the centipedes were the length of a bus.
>be my dad, an armored company commander
>company currently stationed in the Golan Heights to secure the Syrian border
>the Golan is full of wild hogs that keep on messing with the fence.
>every time there was an indication my dad and the patrol had to scan the area to make sure no one was messing with the fence.
>the indications from the hogs start to get more frequent, especially at night.
>they get so frequent my dad haven't slept for a few good days now .
>getting tired of this shit
>ask the higher ups permission to shoot hogs on sight.
>commence operation "remove hog"
>dad takes a platoon and set up an ambush in the area with the highest hog concentration.
>They bring a couple of MAGs and an M2 in addition to their Galils.
>Proceed to slaughter hogs through the night
>they count ~50 dead hogs across the fence in the morning.
> Be me
> Inna navy
> stationed in puerto rico because why the fuck not
> get orders to move trash pile on far side of base
> we decide to burn it because fuck moving all that
> light the trash on fire, 1 minute later like 10000 centipedes come out from under pile
> grown men screaming like girls
> fuck centipedes
> Still in puerto rico
> I had just settled into my bunk
> I'm getting cozy about to fall alseep
> i start hearing some soft scraping noise
> grab my flashlight, look around
> i look above my head
> this fucking thing is sitting there
> turn on full boosters and haul ass from room
> seriously fuck puerto rico
Sorry i forgot pic
Heres what their faces look like when open
well, i was going off my experience with these. where i live they are everywhere in the summer. and they are large. no poisonous but will bite the shit out of you. usually in your sleep.
we call them wood spiders here, but they are wolf spiders.
Yeah, the biggest ones around are about 20cm long in Australia, which is a sizeable beast and I've had a 'too close encounter' with one. There's some in Sth America which can get to about 26cm long.
They are very poisonous though and will fuck your shit up
it's okay onii-chan. i just want to talk.
Wolf spiders are venomous, it's just not really threatening to humans. I see those fuckers every god damn year, they get big and they love to hide in my god damn bedding. I basically do a spider check every night before I lay down to go to bed.
I still wonder how I managed to avoid all those creepy crawlers when I went backpacking in the amazone. Didn't see a single one. Thank fuck for that. I can deal with them if I know they will be there, but unexpectedly finding one in your boots or on your bed would flip me the fuck out.
not him, but it's just us Aussies, fuck huntsmans the fuckers are slippery and the worst part about having a cludded bedroom is expecting to see a fucking spider under your blanket, i get terrified when i notice a baby spider on my table
>nasty guard AT camping innawoods
>long shitty day of on and off rain, humidity, heat and getting our asses smoked because someone misplaced a turret pin
>finally back at our camp
>one of our buddies didnt zip up his tent
>pulls out his sleeping bag
>spiders, spiders everwhere.
>shakes off spiders and a then turns up his sleeping bag to dump it.
>a fucking frog falls out
>instantly picks up the frog and baseball pitches it into the forest
>my other buddy and i witnessing the whole thing fall over laughing
Dunno what the distribution is like in that area, maybe you just got lucky! They have the wandering spider there though, which is an 8 legged mass murderer from all accounts.
The worst run in I had with a centipede was just after I'd joined the army and took the platoon out for 4WD training and rucking it up on the great dividing range.
Had a hard days work, lay down to sleep in the tent
Woke up the next morning and my left armpit feels itchy
Pull down my sleeping bag and Mr Centipede runs out across my chest
Grabbed the fucker, threw it and beat it to death with my boot
Wasn't a good start to the day
I'm an overweight american mormon with a drinking and perscription drug abuse problem that likes to buy slavsurp and has no connection with any females. I have no problems.
>last fall, atta MMG-course
>me and three other teams, manning an m240 each
>get the go-ahead to engage any target at the range
>flip-up remote-controlled targets up to 900m away
>far out to the left something pops up, about 500m from us
>four m240s engage it with great fury and glorious anger
>tracers dead on, target drops
>a fine start
>rest of the targets are way to the right off the first
>ok, whatever, pay no mind
>keep shooting all throughout the day, red hot barrels errywhere
>time to clear up, start collecting brass
>send a few of us out to collect batteries and recievers from targets
>get a call over the IGR to check something out on the field
>head out there, meet up with the guy who called it in
>that very first target we got
>it was a fully grown, majestic red deer/royal deer
>absolutely shot to shit, basically torn apart
>instructor loses his shit, laughing his ass off
>manages to catch his breath, scolds us a bit between barely choked back laughs
>apparently these things are kinda rare around here
>we all reach the conclusion that the best thing to do is be honest about it and tell our CO
>drag what's left off the poor animal into the woods
>laugh about it
>never told the CO
Animal-related. Not dangerous, but funny as shit when it happened.
>Father was in Nam at the end of the Dry Season.
>Starts of the Wet season, endless rain begins.
>Heavy rain, enough to flood the city streets of Sai Gon.
>Father wakes up and found his room full of bugs, spiders, scorpion, and snakes trying to escape the rising water level.
>Shit his pants.
And I will now be sleeping in a heap of Raid cans.
This is why we cant have nice things.
>On holiday to Australia
>Meet up with some ex-ADF /k/unts
>Go out into the west Australian desert
>Picking huge fucking spiders and shit out of my luggage after 3 days
>For some reason have to go to bed at dark
>Stand up on the truck to record the desert for my parents with their old camcorder
>"Mate, what the fuck are you filming?"
>"Just how empty it is"
>"You don't have night vision on, do ya?"
>"Yeah, can't see sh-"
>"FUCK. TURN IT OFF!"
>"FUCKIN' SHUT IT OFF CUNT!"
>All 4 leap up onto the truck
>"What the fuck is the problem?"
>Owner reaches into cab and takes the keys out after a while
>Shines a black light on the ground
>Fucking glowing scorpions all over the place
>Have to sleep in the back of the truck, pressed together for warmth and because of the lack of space
>Wake up to find a Dugite coiled around my boots
Back in Perth city 3 days later
>Giant spider on my chest
>Stay incredibly still
>There's a sound to me left
>A mouse is sitting on the table next to the bed
>Spiders takes off at a sprint and chases the mouse
Suck a dick, Australia.
>Be my dad
>ET in the Navy in the 70s
>Pretty smart dude
>gets chance to be on submarine
>says fuck that goes to antarctica instead
>they get to go out to the coast
>TFW thousands of adelie penguins
>they start walking amongst the closest birds
>some of them come up to check my dad and his bros out.
>penguins arent scared at all!!
>he picks one up.
>its all lookin around all chill and shit
>cutest thing he ever saw
>e fuck are you filming?"
>>"Just how empty it is"
>>"You don't have night vision on, do ya?"
>>"Yeah, can't see sh-"
How are they attracted to NV? And fuck waking up with a spider on my chest. Goddamn
No, apparently it happened often because I had a similar experience
>be inna Iraq
>hot as balls
>bored as balls
>LAR so just driving around
>scout team leader goes to dig burn pit
>suddenly hear scream
>see SSgt running
He had dug into a nest of baby scorpions
God help us if those snakes put a jihad on us...and find a way to attach lasers to their freaking heads
>finax of CAX
>LAR platoon moves into screen line positions overnight for a planned attack at dawn (on us)
>be gunner on CO's vehicle
>be only Marine with deployment on vehicle
>tfw your VC/CO was an air winger before this
>set into pos
>get told to perform rack ops
>be clearing largest rocks to make sleeping spot
>see holes everywhere
>get pop-up tent from turret
>lcpl DickButt "lol, Cpl Anon, I've never seen anyone actually use that before"
>"enjoy nature, faggots"
>wake up to screams
>smile smugly in my poncho liner
>as the black guy finishes the sentance about 100 cobras come out of each hole and start hissing and bobbing thier heads with hoods open all over the place
>bobbing thier heads with hoods open all over the place
Sorry, couldn't resist, suddenly the music was in my head and the mental image was there, me giggling like an idiot.
I hope some people even remember this /f/ thing.
>be inna Iraq
>reading creepy pasta, because I think it's a good idea to make myself extra nervous in a volatile political situation where one misfired shot could undue years of work
>just a driver
>the time is, zero dark thirty
>get word we have to go
>CO's vehicle deadlined on a road running along the Syrian border
>providing security between cos vehicles and border
>get out, talking to scout team leader who's popped up in back
>start telling him the pasta about the hotel, the other watcher
>just finish line, "and their eyes were this weird shade of red"
> lingering silence
>sudden movement to our left
>both turn towards sound
>realize we both almost shot a stray dog
>no more creepy pasta for a while
I'm just glad if knew nothing of skin walkers back then. I would have killed someone on turret watch
>On holiday in the Phillipines
>Beachfront hotel, really nice little place with a porch
>Blazing hot during the day, nice and cool at night. Glorious
>Only problem is the lizards
>Lizards, fucking everywhere
>Foot long fucking lizards
>Noisy as shit at night
>Like thousands of little kermits jerkin' it from duck to dawn
>My mom starts flipping her shit a couple of days in
>This huge blue fucker with red spots sitting on the headboard of her bed, shitting all over it
>Get a newspaper to poke it away, like the rest of the little assholes
>First poke doesn't budge it, just turns around and opens its mouth
>Yeah yeah toughguy. Poke poke.
>Fucker turns around and leaps RIGHT AT MY FUCKING FACE
>Clamps down on my eyebrow with the force of a redguard clinging to a looted xbox
>Scratching the shit out of my face flailing around
>I'm flailing around banging the fucking thing on a window sill to try to get it to let go
>My sister is screaming, mom pissing herself laughing
>Lets go mid-swing, pinwheels through the air and lands with a thud, turns around, and charges at my fucking sister,
>Makes her shit her pants, then darts off into the bathroom
>Can't find it. Fuck, its like some roidraged batman lizard
We heard that little shit doing its kermit call inside throughout the rest of the holiday but didn't see it up close again. But we knew t was there. Little bastard was like some sort of Giger alien, lurking in the corner of your eye. Waiting.
whiptail scorpions (aka African Cave Spiders) are actually completely fucking harmless and are the bros of scary multi-legged critters. they have no stingers, no teeth, no venon, are harmless to humans and only eat smaller critters like ants and mosquitoes that will actually hurt you.
they actually have very calm temperaments and make for great pets, better than any spider or tarantula.
>Be in VN flying in C130 herky bird
>Pushing out pallets of resupply junk with attached parachutes
>Have Jimmie the squad's pet monkey with me so he can get his flight pay.
>His name is Jimmie cause when we play the 8 track jimmie hendrix album at max volume he panics and starts masturbating and generally chimping out (literally).
>Cargo door opens, green light comes on, crew chief and I start pushing the first pallet down the ramp.
>Jimmie jumps off of pallet onto crew chiefs shoulder, grabs and handful of hair to hang onto and starts masturbating.
>crew chief grabs him and with a look of disgust throws him out into space.
>as I watch monkey tumbling downward he increases his jacking tempo.
>Back at the barracks its my fault jimmie met his demise.
>Go into saigon buy new monkey.
>fast forward weeks later, on guard duty inna prefab guard tower.
>Monkey tied to leg of guard tower on 12 ft strap other end tied to collar as he tries to awol erry night time.
>Someone gives him beer to see how much he can drink.
>monkey gets shit faced and starts howling/screecting and climbs up tower leg.
>reaches the end of the tether and slips and falls.
>hanging 8' off the ground and is really loud now.
>I pull out my Randall made Orlando Fla blade and cut the strap.
>monkey falls and hits concrete footing, now second ded monkey my fault.
>1st sgt says he gonna gib me art15 for destruction of gubmint property. Get deros before anything happens.
Pic related is Walterinnesia aegyptia, Desert Cobra.
They dont make holes, not all snakes are able to do that. They dont have "communal nesting", or get even close to 100 specimens in a hole.
I'm calling bullshit on this one. Peace, bro.
Btw, you might be able to find Najas in Afghanistan. Our unit actually found a Caspian Cobra in Northern Afghanistan.
Also, when in FOBs or secluded shitty areas, be careful where you put your hands at.
The snake that causes most fatalities in the world is Echis carinatus, similar to the Pic related (which is Echis jogeri).
They basically sit and wait for their preys in corners of abandoned houses, unders logs, rocks or some shit. They do occurr in Afghanistan, and i'm uncertain about Iraq, but it's kinda probable too.
The desert has some awful shit. I wonder how that part of the world gets so fucked up all the time.
I was exaggerating the number. There were cobras everywhere.
Muh Cobras dont live in holes
They live anywhere away from the boiling hot 120 degree sun when they are not basking.
>The desert cobra is widespread, but may be absent from extreme northern Iraq. Like most cobras, the desert cobra will utilize almost all habitats and is attracted to areas occupied by humans due to shelter and rodent possibilities.
>It's a bit of a camera trick I bet.
They had it hanging from something above the camera, it was still almost a foot long which is still fuck all huge for an insect.
That shit hole is still there. Just because they are too inbred and inept to use it with some light grade mod trolling doesn't mean its magically unusable.
Hundreds from every hole its pretty much different from "Oh, there were 12 cobras crawling around".
And as i said, they do not burrow holes. Also, they're not true Cobras, they dont belong in the genus Naja nor have an actual hood.
Here's a Caspian Cobra, Naja oxiana, from Afghanistan.
I was in Camp Geiger in North Carolina for MCT. There was a giant raccoon that would get into improperly disposed MRE's and apparently was a huge fat fuck of a thing. They called him Ranger Rick.
One of the rules of firewatch was "Don't shoot Ranger Rick."
Stop being such bitches, /k/ommandos. You'll never make SF if you keep acting like that.
Embrace and love the suck, because the suck certainly loves you.
My dad had me cleaning out the car port on summer. I picked up a big roll of black tarp and carried it down to our barn. Well it wasn't all the way rolled up, so like a foot of tarp is hanging out in front of me. Right as I get to the barn I decide to check the back side of the tarp.
>Carolina wolf spider.jpg
Thing was huge and had been dangling right in front of my junk the whole time. I threw that ducking tarp and got my dad and bros to show them how big it was.
>I didn't realize we had tarantula sized spiders in north Carolina
>in high school, couple of friends are staying over my house
>gets dark, throw on cammies, grab airsoft guns
>take turns hunting each other in the field behind my house
>basically lying prone in a grass field for twenty minutes, trying to shoot the hunter with a single bb
>eventually come back in, taking boots off in the garage so my mom doesn't get pissed
>giant wolf spider falls off one guy's boot
>we all lock eyes
>immediately strip to our skivvies, haul ass inside
>my sister sees the three of us walking up the stairs, wearing nothing but boxers
Only scary bug story I have, despite having lived in Amazonian south American country (read- shithole) for 9 years of my life.
>Be in back in civilised world
>Dad walks in room
>Son we have to clean shed
>"God fucking damn it I hate shed there are bugs and spiderinos and waspos and all sorts of creep-crawlers in there"
>Son we have to clean shed
>Be cleaning shed
>Dragging boxes of all shit out
>Hear phone ringing
>Son get phone
>"Have you had an accident in the past fiv-*hang up*
>Consider running upstairs and going back to my comic books
>Decide I can't leave dad cleaning shitty shed or he'll be all "fuck you son"
>Go back to garden
>See dad dragging a large box behind him
>See yellow things flying around the air
>Realise yellow things are wasps
>"hurry up and help me clean you fuck"
>"DAD. DAD. WASPS"
>"YOU'RE FUCKING WITH WASPS DAD"
>"what? I can't hear you stop mumbling"
>"DAD YOU PICKED THE WASP BOX I FUCKING TOLD YOU ABOUT WASPS DAD RUN"
>"son I can't- OH"
>"DAD RUN DAD"
>He drops the box and runs into the kitchen with me
>Dad- "fucking waspos"
>What's for dinner dad"
And that is the lame story of how I saved my dad from a couple of wasp stings. Thx for reading.
Scolopendra Gigantea. My worst ennemy.
As long as he's a /k/ike i'm fine with it
Yes. Very good, human. We're all cute and totally harmless. Keep thinking that...
>be old Navy guy talking to teenaged Phil
>drove a landing craft in the Pacific in 44-45
>be assigned to take some Jap prisoners back to Guam for trial on war crimes charges, along with all the animals they stole, and the base commanders riding horse and brand new jeep
>run into typhoon halfway there
>crew is fine, prisoners and animals are puking all over the place
>let Japs out of their bamboo cages so they won't drown; they behave and bum cigs off the crew when they're not barfing
>horse gets bloated and dies, slides all over deck until it finally falls through hatch into cargo hold right on top of the jeep
>try to haul it out with crane a couple days later, horse breaks in half
>entire LST now awash in seawater, horse guts, blood, puke, shit of nine different kinds
>finally make it to Guam and say fuckit, just beach the craft like it's an amphibious landing and lower the ramp
>a Hiroshima-sized cloud of smell emerged, along with a wave of seasick animals and Japs in underwear
>next day the base newspaper's headline reads NOAH'S ARK LANDS ON GUAM
>We heard that little shit doing its kermit call inside throughout the rest of the holiday but didn't see it up close again. But we knew t was there. Little bastard was like some sort of Giger alien, lurking in the corner of your eye. Waiting.
Oh god my sides
>hunting goats out past the Blue Mountains
>walking up a game trail with goat and pig tracks, decide to bush bash a bit so I get the jump on anything still on the trail
>step on something soft and freeze
>7 and a half feet Brown snake thrashing about
>stepped right on the base of the neck
>almost piss and shit myself simultaneously
>manage not to
>shoot the fucker in the head with .243
>Stand still for half an hour before I dare move
>don't leave the game trail again
Ehh.. not bad.
Centipede planet in centipede season tho...
>people should lose their jobs and be declared felons because a bedded animal picked a very bad time to stand during a live fire exercise
Whatever you say PETA.
Autism at work trying very hard to ruin a simple story. Of course there probably weren't literally hundreds of snakes, but fuck, snakes love to snake pile, if it's hot they love any shade they can find, if it's cold, they love any hole they can find.
If you haven't ever knocked something over or looked under something you shouldn't have and disturbed a snake orgy, I doubt you spend much time outside.
This is a real thing that wasps do and it scares the fuck out of me. My aunt lives in the middle of the desert and some chucklefuck threw a small cardboard box in her backyard so of course a million wasps turn it into the buzz hotel. My cousin and I threw rocks at it until night time when we burned them alive with lighter fluid.
There's no excuse for shitposting, with the added flags and ids that board is better than its ever been.
That's absolutely terrifying, given how they can smell a single drop of fish in a swimming pool of human blood.
I didn't know that. I don't know all that much about animals. All I know that there were sankes, a ton of them and it was scary. there were probably more than 12. There were about 30 holes. Perhaps it is some other kind of snake. The nig said the arab said they were cobras. I didn't stick around to find out.
>During the day the it lives in its shelter underground, waiting until nighttime to search for its prey.
I don't suppose an underground shelter could possibly be a hole in the ground, do you?
besides it what I saw. call bullshit all you want. I know what I saw.
jesus christ. It can fit inside a bottle cap and it can kill you?
Snakes are like the audie murphy of the animal kingdom. Tiny in relative mass but extremely OP, even at level 1 it can take down a level 70 with one bite. IMHO too OP for the animal kingdom. No wonder they've survived so long.
Florida here, the fucking swamp,
always check my boots if I leave them out in the sun room,
spiders, cockroaches, lizards, frogs, black widows all over the fucking place, banana spiders the size of dinner plates.
always check the boots
> things they do to a goat that you have to mend
> limbs broken
> arterial wounds
And a whole bunch of other shit. The goats themselves are kept a mined the FUCK out. They still shit, piss, and puke everywhere.
>roidraged batman lizard
I'm living in a place that doesn't have any dangerous small animals only big ones.
Sounds like some made-up shit. Where the fuck did he get that much testosterone? It was hard enough for medics to get the fucking morphine they needed during that war, let alone testosterone.
So last time I qualed table 1 a massive fucking whitetail decides to strut out across our field of fire. Sadly, the CO was watching and he did not clear us to engage.
I also heard a sea story about some Lt taking pot shots at deer from the window of the BOQ with a fucking bow and arrow
>be my dad
>wandering around gook village
>little drunk lol
>it's quiet.... too quiet
>huge fucking noise behind me
>spin around and blow a fucking hole through it with muh 45
>mfw it was just a cat
>ARVNfag runs up to me
>why you kill meow GI????
>look around, do muh John Wayne face
>go fuck hooker
>feels good man
Got bit by a rat on the thumb when i was sleeping on the floor of a wrecked shack in iraq. Got scared by a hedgehog that nuzzeled my face when i was sleeping in a little pump station by the euphrates
Youre so new its cute.
Oh yeah i saw that thing.
Total mongoloid and stump ugly.
You missed my point.
But hey ill give you a tip anyway.
Get over it or filter me you arent doing any good by shitposting about me.
>Be in Afghanistan
>Harassing gullible Pvt. about Camel Spiders
>They're like the worms from Dune, nigger, they suck little Hadjis down into the sand
>Their bite can dissolve a cow, man, srs
>Camel Spider in Pvt. Gullible's shadow trying to stay cool in the heat
>He keeps trying to run away
>Around and around in circles for a few minutes before it vanishes under a rock
>Father on a different tour
>LAV got hit, concussion
>Finally good to go
>10 minutes into patrol
>Bit by a big black viper right through his combat boot
>Says he regrets not being able to shooting with his pistol and send it home
>Got to laugh at him all doped up on anti-venom and drugs
>dad tells about stuff that went down in Bosnia in the 90's (never deployed but his buddies did)
>NATO doctrine in case of attack on truck was to jump out into the ditch
>guys the NATO was fighting figured it out
>placed bombs in roadside ditches
>Dutch soldiers want to avenge their buddies
>hand out petroleum tablets with jam on it to the local kids
>taking introduction to AC/DC course
>fat 6 ft tall neckbeard
>wears a cowboy hat with gator teeth in it
>ghetto black guy in our class asks him about it
>wild story about how he traveled to Australia to visit some friends
>with out into the outback and killed a gator with his knife by wrestling it and sliting its throat
>everyone is in various stages of holding back tears with ghetto black having straight up walking outta the room in tears laughing
>only digs himself in deeper when we ask him how he snuck his knife past airport security and why he said a gator and not a crocodile
>changes his story to he bought the knife in aussie land and lol gators, crocs they're the same thing
>teeth on hat are 100% gator teeth
>shits and giggles were had for weeks from that
not exactly horrible animals of war but I still felt the need to share.
>walking with my dad around the house inspecting the damage a possum did to our year
> rocks got flung into the newpaper thing on the mail box
>tell dad the wasps are inside it
>he says he killed them 3 weeks ago
>i correct him as he goes to get the rocks out of the newspaper thing
>as i say no dad the wasps are till their my dad jumps back after 3 of them got his hand and a dozen more come for me
>fucking hate wasps
I remember recently there was a bit of controversy about us sending our medics to some country to learn on live pigs.
I dunno what happened, probably still doing it because people will let the military get away with a lot because muh babyz
Former boy scout here, you can always tell when someone's woken up in the morning to sleeping bag full of daddy long legs, or a crab spider nesting at the top of the tent, or the fishing spiders in the latrines, and you can hear them start screaming from the far side of the campsite.
I live in northern MN, too, so it's not like you're safe up here. Prepared me for all the creepy crawlies I encountered at Bragg, not that it made them any more pleasant.
Also, fuck waking up in the middle of the night to use the latrine, and waking right into a crab spider dangling at face height. That's why I piss a few steps from the tent into the woods.
>that much testosterone
for all you know they only had the monkey for week and injected very small amounts of testosterone into it.Also I don't see how a lack of morphine necessarily correlates to a lack of other medicines. either way could be true could be fake. its a story man chill
>It was hard enough for medics to get the fucking morphine they needed during that war, let alone testosterone.
did the Americans really have a short supply of morphine?
>be in the heroin production capital of the world(at the time)
>have a short supply of opiates
Anon got that right. I know because I see it in the fucking grocery store. Lets me know what food not to buy.
Halal = Good
Haram = Bad
Takbir = Praise the Lord!
Allahu Akbar = God the Greatest
Fix your ignorance, son.
If Halal = Good, Non-Halal foods are not fit for Muslims to eat.
Allah would rather see you eat non-Halal than see you starve though.
>My Grandpa in WW2
>Working as an air mechanic in Fiji, fixing the US Hellcats and Corsairs
>Aircraft would come in to land and the Myna birds would come over
>The birds would crawl up the exhaust pipes into the engine of the planes because it was nice and warm in there
>They'd carry sticks and grass and try and build nests on the engine
>Massive fire hazard
>Grandpa and the other mechanics could hear their feet walking up the exhaust pipes
>Stuff a bunch of oily rags up the pipe and try to start the engine
>Engine strains and sputters a few times
>Suddenly BANG! Engine starts
>Myna bird and pile of rags come flying out of the exhaust pipe, feet in the air and covered in soot
>lulz all round
Spent time at the Defense Language Institute.
>Based gets fenced up like 70 years ago.
>A pack of small deer are inside during the fencing process.
>Pack gets trapped and inbreeds for 70+ years
>Now retard deer with fucked up antlers roam the base.
>Will walk up to you, lick/bite you.
>One liberty was secured for 2 months because some NCO found a deer with an arrow in it's side. A legitimate home made arrow.
>Marines forming up
>Me and my lpo walk by
>petty officer picks up a rock and throws it at a crow perched on a tree nearby for shits
>crow falls off and begins screeching and flapping on the ground
>deathstare the jarheads as we walk away
>Be at Corry Station working the NIOC
>Shipmate drinks too much one night, locks himself out of his BEQ room.
>Procedes to burn down his door to get in.
>It actually works and he turns himself in the next day
Join the Navy, they said.
Pic related was taken deep in the Amazon jungle, when we found that cute little bug climbing a vertical wall, inside a river.
Then, my buddy thought it would be a good idea to put it in his face.
When you're scared of little bugs, snakes and shit, how do you expect to fight an actual armed human of your size?
Something nice to find under you and your blanket at night.
I still remember you, you degenerate, no good, tranny faggot. Did Ivy keep your balls after the thread, or do you two still keep em around?
Cool, assuming it hasn't bitten me in my effort to get up and grab one of my snake hooks i'll either keep it as a pet or try to notify someone who could have it shipped home and bred for conservation. These guys are actually kind of rare.
Thats because people are people. There are shitty people of all colors and nationalities, same for good. Its not nature, its culture and environment that makes shitty people, and thats not genetic.
>be my dad
>range safety duty
>fuck up company's turn to shoot
>suddenly notices something down range
>orders men to stop shooting
>some of the fuck up company grunts decided it was a good idea to ride the target train with nothing but Kevlar helmets
as my dad put it "it's hard to headbutt .223 Remington"
I...cant tell if youre joking...
>keeping a motherfucking Adenorhinos as pet
these African things will fuck you up, man. If it slightly resembles Atheris or Bitis, stay away from them.
>chop his head off with my brother
How did you used your brother to chop the head off a lizard?
Also, what kind of shithole you live where there are those fucking aliens rolling around?
>If it slightly resembles Atheris or Bitis, stay away from them.
but anon, Gaboons are so Kawaii