Hey /k/, For the past few days, strange things have been happening.
>Feeling like I'm not alone at home
>bad odor around the house
>Live in south
I'm convinced there's someone living in my house, a homeless creep to be exact but I don't want to call police as I may be wrong.
K, What weapons should I buy to defend myself and to make this invader shit his pants.
Are you stupid? No need to answer, you obviously are.
You don't use weapons to make someone shit their pants, how fucking old are you? Weapons are used to kill people, not make you feel like you don't possess a micropenis.
Just call the cops and have them sweep your place, say you came home one night and the door was cracked open but you didn't think much of it until food started going missing. Cops clear houses all the time when people come home to an open door.
Anytime you need " a weapon" because of x development you've already fucked up. You're supposed to be armed and ready *before* shit happens. You don't just pick up a gun and start swinging it around and calling the shots you fat southern dumbass. You already lost this battle, just call the cops.
>implying this whole story is bullshit
>implying i dont browse 4chan
Dude, chill out i'll hit you back later. just need to get on my feet.
If you are serious, you probably have carbon monoxide poisoning. It causes delusions and amnesia, and exactly the sort of paranoia you describe. Get out of the house RIGHT NOW and call 911. I am not joking, I work for a smoke and CO detector company.
OP this is what you need to do
>sit in your room loudly chanting rituals to cleanse your house, loud enough for him to hear you speaking in tongues
>stop suddenly and blast ride of the valkyries on the biggest speakers you got
>grab the katana I know you have
>run through hous naked shouting memes
>go through all the rooms/closets/cabinets slamming them loudly
>punch/stab holes in the walls just in case he's hiding in them
>don't forget to keep yelling memes
>IM GONNA FIND YOU AND CONSEQUENCES WILL NEVER BE THE SAME RRREEEEEEEEE MOOTS A FAGGOT
>if you actually DO find him, just cut your nippes off and hand them to him saying "you'll be needing these"
That fucker will never come back, trust me.
-Set up a camera and record an area that people need to travel through. Review it on FF every time you come home.
-Place a small amount of talcum powder on the floor near major entry points before you leave for the day. Disturbed powder=intruder.
-Leave some home baked cookies doped with ex lax on a table and cover it.
-Is it a ghost? Fight fire with fire. Bad smells? Leave rotting trash out. Food missing? Burn it all. Uneasy feeling? Walk around the house constantly racking a shotgun (if you're on /k/ you might be doing this already).