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/ffg/ - Fuck-Fuck Games (military bullshit thread)
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You are currently reading a thread in /k/ - Weapons

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You know the drill... all too well.

Post 'em.
Not my platoon,

>Prior to being assigned bunks, all privates filed cards with their lock combination.
>pvt dumb ass uses key lock instead of combo lock
>pvt dumb ass lIves on 3rd floor
>oh no lost my key
>Drill SGT, I lost my key
>No problem pvt, I've got bolt cutters right here..
>...Bring me your wall locker

25 minutes later with the help of 8 pvts, lugging wall locker up 3 flights
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>be a joe walking around the town just outside my base
>seeing others with bodies like you, with haircuts just like you
>bad choice of fashion just like you
>seeing the same people in bars and on the streets every time
>having a need to not look at them
>when a fellow joe asks why you were at such-and-such a place with a shit-eating grin because he wants to freak you out
>that near-smirk a storeowner does when he realizes you're military
>when they change their demeanor for you
>when a cop guarding a nightclub actually talks shit about joes being douchebags in the club right before it's your turn to go in
>when he glares at you the whole time you're getting frisked and warns you to watch out or he'll tell your command
>when civilian girls around the base act all high-handed with you since 30 other joes have tried to hit on her from your base

Idk, I just have an aversion to being around other joes when I am trying to have fun. I just can't feel like I'm away from my work when other joes are around me, it's like when the narrator in fight club couldn't sleep again when he found out marla was lying like he was at those meetings. I feel I need to be at least 100 miles away from my base before I can truly relax.
>hit my unit after basic
>fresh manlet on the block
>roll my eyes regularly at the bullshit grandiose stories lower enlisted and entry NCOs tell me
>one sergeant takes offense and gives me a fuck fuck order
>i tell him who my father is
>i tell him who my brothers are
>he backs off and no one fucks with me again
You don't play fuck fuck games when your dads a general and brothers are both SF ;)
>big firefighting exercise in the barracks
>45min in, smoke grenades everywhere, full gear and closed circuit rebreather, can't see shit.
>instructors patrolling the halls to evaluate everyone performance
>rummaging though every room; looking for injured people to evac
>hear moans from behind a half-opened door
>but don't worry, anon's here to save the day
>enter the room
>completely empty, except for an abandonned computer on a bed running a hardcore BDSM video at full volume.
>wtf !?
>stop for a second
>instructor comes in and see the scene
>"hey dipship, how about you participate in the exercise instead of watching porn?"
>get chewed out at the debriefing for approx. 10 minutes
>instructor ends with criticizing "my" BDSM fetish

At least it brightened the day of the rest of the squad.
You sound like a huge faggot
Faggot or not I get my way, I grew up in the military, don't have time for some insecure sergeants fuck fuck games.
You live off of other people's experiences and have a really shitty attitude you're literally a parasite and a very shitty soldier.
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>tfw not smoked
>very shitty soldier
Topkek, I know my drills and tasks, 280-300 PT scores, never shot less than expert, and fuck yeah I live off other people's experiences, how else would I learn from mistakes beforehand?

What makes me a shitty soldier, because I don't go ohh ohh SERGEANT YES YOU ARE MY KING TELL ME MORE! You lied to me about all these great battles you've been in and have nothing to actually show for it besides your silly little word, what a man of mans, I bet you get all the pussy!

No, it's stupid, I'm not gonna play games who know less about their job than me regardless of rank.
>faggot or not, I get my way
sure until you realize you're THAT guy
That guy that everyone hates with no friends, living off the glory of his family.

That guy who abuses his connections one time too many, eventually, and your brothers come and kick the fuck out of you

That guy who when he falls, has alienated all people who could pick up him

That guy who always ''got his way'' though
>That guy that everyone hates with no friends, living off the glory of his family.
S'all good buddy.

>That guy who abuses his connections one time too many, eventually, and your brothers come and kick the fuck out of you
Speculation at best, disregarded with a hearty laugh, my brothers know what's up

>That guy who when he falls, has alienated all people who could pick up him
You mean besides all my family connections in the military? I'm not seeing your logic here.

>That guy who always ''got his way'' though
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Because you ignore rank and go immediately to the experiences of your family members and use that to get out of shit while fucking over the rest of the lower enlisted in your platoon deal with the shit you defer to them. You are a very shitty person and a very shitty soldier idgaf if you have an air assault badge idgaf if your in an airborne or leg unit idgaf if you shoot expert or score perfect 300s on your pt tests. You have a shitty mentality lack the conformity desired in the military and hold your own wellbeing above your brothers. You are a shitty person and a shitty soldier I wouldn't even trust your ass with fire guard or staff duty which I'm sure you've probably talked you way out of one point or another due to your father being a general. Go be a shithead somewhere else I hope to god you never get deployed and people have to rely on your flakey ass.
>He's lying, you fools
>disregard rank
You may be a great warrior (and after all, who would lie to complete strangers on the internet), but there's more than that to a soldier. If you can't even learn discipline you are indeed a shitty one.
Also, my father would probably disown me if I even though of using the "I'm the son of X" trick. How does yours feel knowing that he failed to educate his progeny ?
Probably not ive encountered faggots like this in osut and on line units they do exist and they typically go by the pseudonym of blue falcons
>to get out of shit
To get out of fuck fuck games, I'll gladly do my job, I'm just not gonna be mowing any grass with my fingers lol.

>while fucking over the rest of the lower enlisted in your platoon deal with the shit you defer to them
I'm not the shitty NCO who's making his soldiers stack rocks all day.

>You are a very shitty person and a very shitty soldier idgaf if you have an air assault badge idgaf if your in an airborne or leg unit idgaf if you shoot expert or score perfect 300s on your pt tests.
So what you're saying is a good soldier is someone who can stack rocks? Good fuckin thing your definition of good soldier is trash lolll

>You have a shitty mentality lack the conformity desired in the military and hold your own wellbeing above your brothers
Yeah, you'll be okay though.

>You are a shitty person and a shitty soldier I wouldn't even trust your ass with fire guard or staff duty which I'm sure you've probably talked you way out of one point or another due to your father being a general.
I did fire guard in basic, bout it. You actually do fire guard nigga?

>Go be a shithead somewhere else I hope to god you never get deployed and people have to rely on your flakey ass.
Naw, I'll stay here, /k/ is good shit.

>If you can't even learn discipline you are indeed a shitty one.
Mad respect to people who do their jobs and don't need to lie to soldiers, only to turn around to fuck with them when they don't buy into their shit buddy. I'm a fuckhead, I know it, so are they, but I win out when they think they hold all the cards and no ones going to back up a sergeant when I tell him the reason I was "disrespectful" is because he was blatantly lying about his accomplishments.

Like, you're an NCO, have some standards.

>How does yours feel knowing that he failed to educate his progeny ?
He doesn't give a shit, I only fuck off when listening to fuck heads.
>i'm better than the other because daddy's a general

you do sound like gigantic cunt, you aren't special because of this you are just another dumb boot who has to follow orders
Sure, I'll follow actual orders, no worries there mate. Believe you me, your tax dollars are well spent.
Summer already? Holy shit I thought it was over
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there's a war on boys; let's remember our IMT's, it's very perilous out there...

Maybe the command can bring in some 35Q's to this thread so they can ensure friendly fire poses a minimal threat risk.

I urge the combatants to practice safe SEC's, for their online egos won't be the only casualty.

Wear a PT belt at your battlestations so you're safe from the crossfire.
>le ebin may may
Check your privilege, boot.
Don't be mad you got no connections.
I'm actually seeing red
Get some PTSD therapy.
Do me a favor when you finally off yourself and finish the job the coat hanger didn't, don't do it in the arms room as a last fuck you to your company
Lol you're so insane you're making up imaginary scenes where I'm killing myself?

Brah call up the VA, you'll get alright.
>father was in same unit as I before he retired
> dads best friend got full bird
>get notice to deploy
>super stoked to play in the "Stan"
> dad calls full birdy and asks favor
>end up Mr birdys personal assistant
> super pissed
> end up enjoying it because birdy flew everywhere and I got to ride and see cool shit without efp taking my legs off.
>the dude was in Panama and Grenada with my pops.
>oh the stories.
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>oh the stories

yep, friend I can look wistfully into that sunset with you... it's almost like a cue to continue, you know?

On an totally unrelated note, I just love it how you can change the color of your words on this site by putting ">" before a sentence, it seems to make the words have a different purpose than the normal ones... you should try it out to see what I mean. I bet you have some nonsense you can put down quick, it's pretty cool...
Somewhere in afghanistan there is a portashitter with my semen all over its handle.
whit strories do you mean
"hey remember when we had chopper pille up and joe lost his leggs"
Well let's start with panama.
>be in 2nd R
>secured airport
>sherridan is stuck in mud near 193rds dz
>get orders to help secure and see if they can dig it out.
>6 hours later and sherridan is just dug deeper
>command orders rangers to do something more productive
>193rd abandons it
>goes back in 2005
>the fucking thing is still in that mud hole.

I got a good laugh at that.
Of all the things that never happened and people that never served,

This never happened and you never served the most
I hate your kind of people.
Whatever helps you cope mate.

Is that a racism?
You mean the sergeants in BMT making shit up to PT us during field camp and them admitting as much before we passed out?

Sure was fun!
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>in jump school
>grandfather was former jump instructor there
>the instructors all talk about how much of their former jump master was an asshole to them
>end of school he shows up to visit me before I get shipped out
>the collective ass clenching from all of them when they find out he was my grandfather

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>be 2004
>be inna deployment in Iraq
>be screwing around in our platoon area
>hear Plt meeting in other hooch
>squad gets all excited for some reason
>we pretend to breach the 'outside'
>i run out of tent carrying AT-4 on shoulder
>gunny sees me
>lectures me about pointing shit
>SSgt asks me the effective range for AT-4
>"300 meters SSgt"
>he tells me thats how many sandbags I gotta fill
>spend all night filling 350 sandbags
What a new fag
> be grunt peice of shit uwith nothing but a family name
> tell my Sargeant to fuck off
> he says what the fuck did you say!?
> I smirk
> he shoves me, "I said back the fuck off!?"
> pull out my katana

>"I said back the fuck off?!"

You took that from that one picture that showed some troll hitting on a fat chick on her deviantart. It was the one where the boyfriend tried to start a comment war with the troll, even setting actions aside in asterkisks (like *rears up fist*)...

Grow your hair longer and hold it down with pomade. No need for that motivated high and tight shit

I don't give a fuck who your dad is. That shit doesn't work. Then again, I don't play fuck fuck games like that

actually for doing that id make sure id fuck with you even harder
i know what screencap you're talking about but it's kinda too common of a phrase to really be a reference, eh?
Better haircut.

Better sense of style.

Better tastes in food, music, everything.

Don't be a retarded douche.

There you go, you're a civilian with a military job now. This also helps if you're not in an isolated area that relies on the military being there as well, which you can't help.
Fucking retarded ass boot.
Come on it sounds like he is growing out of it, leave him alone
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OH YOU SO FANCY!!!! my brother and daddy have rank, no one gives a shit, your lucky you are not in my unit, I would have beat your ass and told your daddy and big brother...you little bitch
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How long is it in you guys' definition until a retarded boot morphs into an at least marginally respected member of the unit? I'm 20, so I can't even drink or get into places where I can do cool shit.

I want to be out of the Kiddie Klub and its accompanying Kulture so bad. Realizing I'm wishing years away from my life makes it more depressing.
>You don't play fuck fuck games when your dads a general and brothers are both SF ;)

Not even a good line of bullshit you have there.

Every time I ever saw somebody try pulling that dependapotamous horsecrap, they got royally fucked with until something broke. We bent a Senator's son so badly that he was put on suicide watch until his medical discharge could be processed.

Junior, nobody gives a shaggy rats ass about whether your dad works at Nintendo.
>First day of SOI
>There's a kid just like this one in my platoon
>Standing by in the squad bay, everyone's bullshitting as they put their gear away, waiting for the instructors to take us to our next check in thing
>He starts talking about how he skated through boot because the DIs would back off when they saw his last name, gave him meritorious lance corporal
>Said he wasn't gonna take shit from no lazy mofos trying to skate out of the war on a B-billet here either
>Dead fucking silence.
>One of instructors had walked in and heard that shit.
>Instructor walks up to him
>kid smirks and taps his name tape
>Instructor proceeds to beat seven shades of shit out of him in front of the platoon
>Drags him out of the squadbay
>Same instructor brings him back later that night
>Kid is now a private
>Instructor informs the platoon that he had a talk with the CO who then contacted the General.
>NJP'd, daddy dressed him down over speaker phone, told the instructors to "do whatever is needed to turn him into an Infantryman."
Combat deployment.
When you actually know your shit and stop being a fucking retarded child with his first taste of freedom.

any stories about those first blissful tastes of freedom?

>beat seven shades of shit out of him

I am perhaps retarded, but having never served, I am curious--- this is... like... actually kicking someones ass?
No, just lots of strenuous exercise while unhappy people scream at you.
>I grew up in the military

No, you didn't.
Before I get any deeper into this bucket of stinkbait, what country are you in? As in, which military?
One from me
>Navy boot camp during winter; snowing hard as hell
>We have one recruit from Hawaii in my division
>Marching to SAM-T one day in an almost-blizzard
>RDC yells/asks at Hawaiibro if he's ever seen snow before
>Hawaiibro says no
>RDC packs a tight snowball the size of a bowling ball and hits Hawaiibro right in the back of his head
>He falls down and hits me too (I was marching right in front of him)
>Entire division does push ups in blizzard because we messed up marching
>RDC paces around us yelling HOW DOES IT FEEL NOW BITCH?

One from friend in Army
>Entire division is cleaning rifles while drill sergeants watch
>One guy complains that his rifle is broken and not cycling properly
>Drill sergeant takes the rifle from him and tries to cycle the weapon several times
>After the fourth time, he succeeds and a small foreign object pops out
>It's a small fried shrimp
>Motherfucker packed his M16 with fried shrimp from the chow hall
>Drill sergeant is at a loss for words, drops M16 and walks out while mumbling to himself

Ehhh, I'm probably the wrong one to ask, since I did three years of NG before Active, so it was basically Junior year - first half of OSUT - senior year - second half - college. I never had that "straight from AIT to unit" experience.

But on Active at 10th Group we got the RIP failures (guess it's called RASP now) and most of them just couldn't handle it, like 2/3rds of them ended up doing shit that got them chaptered out. Some of them way after they couldn't say they didn't know better and had been on deployments.
>"im entitled to better treatment because my relatives accomplished stuff"

The only thing I enjoy about military brats is the look on thier high brass fathers face when he finds out his son just got his 2nd NJP and wont be allowed to re-enlist.
Both of these are just so gloriously retarded.
It depends on the decade. Pre-2000? Yeah, its a straight up ass beating.
2005-2010: maybe an assbeating, maybe just heavy fuck fuck games, maybe both
2011-present: raised voices, punishment work, Forced PT where the instructor stands carefully far enough away to avoid abuse accusations, and a good sturdy paperfucking.
I liked it better when it was just the ass beating, Looking back on some of the ones I recieved I think every young man needs that one brutal humiliating moment where they see that fist coming for thier face and realise "oh fuck, I am NOT a delicate unique snowflake, I am an idiot who bit off more than he could chew, I deserve this beating and will strive to behave like a man and avoid a second one at all costs"
This new generation were raised on an appetite of political correctness and toxic over dose levels of positive re-enforcement, you cant fucking touch them because instead of taking a lesson from an assbeating, even one as simple as "dont fuck with guys who are tougher than me," they will request mast, lawyer up, find a psychologist with liberal sensibilities, and get out of the military on medical seperation for the "PTSD" your "abuse" gave them. While they smoke pot and collect $2,500 a month in unemployment/disability you get your rank ripped off and spend 30 days in the brig before being discharged.

all i have to say is thank God for Macklemore and his stupid haircut going mainstream.

also that i'm an AF flyer. long hair don't care.
Im pretty sure this guy is just baiting.
What I always did like about the military (Or atleast the US Marine Corps) is how its essentially a meritocracy. It has hiccups and good guys get screwed, and kiss-asses get promoted, but by and large how you consistently consistentd how long you have been doing so has a direct correlation to how well you do.
You all show up as even less than sub human, but it doesnt matter if you are a hoodrat from detroit or the Commandants son, you are allequal. You start out small earning bullshit stuff as you go. Every piece of your uniform from being allowed to switch from sneakers to boots, to being allowed to blouse your trousers is earned. Rank, respect from your peers and superiors, responsibility to lead others, its all earned.

Most military brats try to hide it, because nobody cares jack shit what your daddy accomplished. But on occaision they think they rate because thier dad is a SGT Major or some high brass hot shot. It ALWAYS comes as a complete shock to them that thier daddy wont touch them with a 10 foot pole to save them from an NJP. Because they dont want to be involved, period, because any such involvement would not only compromise THIER career, but also because they are ashamed that THIER kid is that snobby know it all brat they had to put up with when they were nothing.

Im serious. Every. Time. Some fucking boot E-3 standing in the office holding failure to adapt ad-sep papers in tears and shocked to thier core that not only can thier big wig daddy not bail them out, but that he wouldnt if he could.

So im not gonna rage or try to flame you. You are either a liar, in which case you arent worth the effort, or about to recieve a very grave lesson in humility of some sort or another.

In the military everything has its process of being dealt with, you arent the first military brat who thinks he can game the game with his connections. You will be corrected, or discarded.
Naw faggots like you play different fuck fuck games
>Im pretty sure this guy is just baiting.

Pretty sure you're right. I'm pretty sure he's not American, and hasn't served in any military.

But this is /k/. We have a moral obligation to take any bait that's presented. We do it to protect the softer, weaker boards from the horrors of the internet.
The HY was already played out by the time macklemore did it
Thats one way of putting it.
/k/ has a reputation amongst the other boards for being easy to troll.
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If you are bratanon, you have reached a new level of faggotry.
>Is that a racism?
I'd guess he just means pieces of shit.
This should be a fucking banner.
Hello faggot cadre nice to see you dont forget whomever fucked youre ass and now you take it out on a good private

Hows your wife doing? Oh wait lol
Enjoy getting left to bleed out when you get hit.
Thank you for your service.
Bumping for night /k/.
>Bring me your wall locker
/k/ reputation for taking any and all bait is known all over the internet. I think there is an actually WIKI dedicated to this.
Someone should go find it, I would but I'm at work.
No one from the right time post ITT? Shame shame /k/omrades
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>Platoon sitting about at a range with another company doing qual
>we're MPs and theyre infantry
>Our collective faces when the company fuck up does something out of eye shot and suddenly hes dragged from the line
>Draggrd behind the ammo shed in full view of us
>3 E-5s start kicking and stomping his shit in
>Our. Faces. When
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From a friend in the Marines:

>Sitting in the room in front of a vault in Twentynine Palms guarding/doing something I don't have the clearance to know about
>Brass thinks it's too dangerous for them to have their rifles or sidearms on them, so they get to sit locked in the actual vault
>Specialist Friend points out that if anyone tries to come in, it's not helpful for them to ask them to politely wait while they get their guns
>So, brass decides that they can have their guns. As long as all ammunition stays in the vault.


I've chaptered plenty of fuck ups who had close family friends who were higher ranking.

Not a single one of them would risk their own careers (undue command influence) to save their relatives. Most of these fuck ups are so chickenshit they either don't tell mommy and daddy why they got in trouble and try and cover it up.

One such fuck tard, who reminded us constantly his dad was a Ranger E-8, pissed hot and then got arrested while on extra duty (introduction of controlled substance to military installation). We made sure his dad knew why his son was getting the boot. The private in question was crying on the phone when his dad called and found out he was not allowed to move back in with them since dad lived on post and the son was being barred from entering any military installation.

Also, czeched
Very common in most BCTs
Its literally the entire entry about /k/ for the encyclopedia dramatica.
But retard kun they are called tasks and drills not drill and tasks
I was talking about the wiki not the ED page. They had dozens of raid threads and it just kills me how buttflusteered we get. My sides actually hurt it made me lol so hatd..
I'd find it myself but I can't be fucking around online more than a minute or two now and again at work.
Epic site for /k/ related shannaggans though.
Yeah, I dont think people realise that getting caught helping a relative with your command influence is majorly bad juju. Not to mention that odds are they can't. I never got the concept civvies have that an E-8 or General can just walk into any unit office and pull rank on everybody.
I blew my knee out on my second deployment, got surgery when I came back and got assigned as a clerk until I healed up, but my chain of command was cool so "work" was mostly having the lance who was already the paper bitch do everything while I bullshitted with 1st sgt and gunny about guns and women until I healed up.
Some other battalions BC comes in he is afforded all due respect and listened to but its not his unit, he cant issue orders there. He can talk to our BC about it, but he canitjust say "okay, full room inspections, you all have to listen because im a LTCol."
Sorry sir, we need to hear it from our BC before its a valid order.
Likewise a kids Sgt major daddy cant come in and say we arent allowed to NJP hi nephew.
Even goes for generals. Some general from another division cant just barge in and start issuing orders, especially to interfere with disciplinary proceedings.
And even if it IS his unit, doing something like that is not only not allowed, but attempting to do so is literally career suicide.
Besides, in the incredibly rare case of high brass being in the same command as a relative or close associate thier relationship will mean they are required to take no part in proceedings anyways, even a charecter reference (which aint shit as anyone who has witnessed an NJP or court martial can tell you) would be inadmissable. Its no different than if a kids dad tried to be a juror in a court case for his son.
While I was crippled up that was one of my duties. To provide witness to NJPs and be the scribe for court martials. I witnessed no less than 3 brats get thier ass handed to them while daddy said "sorry kid, ya fucked up, now ya gotta take it sitting down"
Shit, I get a few.
>making fucks check trucks in the rain
>running CMR's
>any field day prior to E4 ever
>Sgt. Maj. making us field day in chucks

Now lets see if I can remember the details. Best one would be our Sergeant Major having us field day in our chucks. It was a Friday, which is the day the Marine Corps is "required" to wear Service Uniform B or C. You might find pictures on the internet. We had to do things like rake the volleyball court (we had brand new barracks, fuck you), police call, the normal sweep and mop, all while the Sgt. Maj. screamed at the NCO's. This went on for about three hours after everyone got off work. We usually got off work at 1500 (3 PM) on Fridays.Luckily I was smart and lived on the first floor. I hopped out of the window so I didn't have to sit around and get yelled at. Had a bag of civvie clothing on my shoulder and ran to my car. Changed over and went to my buddies house off-base. This was all because the Battalion Commanding Officer (Bn CO) thought the barracks wasn't clean enough.

>Field day
Just in general a shitty thing. You clean your room and barracks. Usually get fucked with by NCO's. Often because NCO's are afraid that the 1st Sgt will lose his shit over "dirty" rooms.

We get all of our gear out (I was a Radio Operator) and then more senior NCO's/Staff NCO's get fucking anal about it because "OHMUHGERD!!!! BN CO MAY COME BY TODAY!!!11!!".

>Check trucks in the rain
Idiots pissed me off. They decided that "oh, I've been in the same unit for the entirety of my two years, I'm obviously superior to the NCO whose been in three but only in our unit for one". So they ran off to chow prior to their assigned shift (our section got in trouble, SNCO's got pissed, had us take lunch in shifts). Needed a punishment that wouldn't fuck them, like a NJP, and we needed the trucks checked. Basically it.
Okay, here
>Broke my foot in army basic, went to PTRP
>Unit full of brokedicks, including myself
>Have weekly cleaning duties for the barracks that rotate on a roster and 24hr fireguard between 2 doors
>One week some assbag or another had the duty to clean the latrines
>For this entire week, someone jizzed on one of the stall doors every. single. night
>Imagine this stressed out pvt with a broken leg, hobbling around with a cleaning rag, having to bend over and wipe dried jizz off a door
>Guy lost his shit and started yelling he would kill the person if he ever found out
>Never found out
>Came so close to losing my shit laughing when he lost his
Admit it, it was you wasn't it?
>taking the time to click every single one of those posts
I actually read the thread and enjoyed the stories, just couldn't resist the lame joke
>be deployed in Iraq
>QRF every other day
>don't shave on days I'm QRF
>one day 7 months in piece of shit E5 who gave two fucks about anyone but himself goes
>"doc, when the fuck is the last time you shaved?"
>two days ago
>"you gotta fucking shave"
>I have literally been doing this for 7 months.
>"do push ups"
>been doing 3hr PT out of boredom and fear of being too weak to carry my guys for last seven months. Fucking stud.
> beat my face talking shit the whole time.
>"low crawl"
>PT makes me sexy sgt. Can't smoke a rock. This is too easy.
> "fine, go get your gear on"
> throw on my iotv and vest and ach and weapon
>go back to shitlord
>"go outside"
> start doing burpees
>zero fucks. Hate is giving me fuel to keep going, not even tired, just mad I'm doing this bullshit.
>continue talking shit
>20minutes goes by and I still don't give a fuck.
>shitlord on the other hand, is bored.
>"Doc, stop."
>I can do this all day sgt.
>"shut up and stop"
>I stop, he tells me that I talk to much and need to watch my mouth and shave. I do neither.
>Fucking hated that fuck.

I can't stand lazy fucking NCOs. Guy was an 8 year infantry specialist. Fucking pathetic, before he got his E5.

I used to fuck a guy like you when I was in the navy. He cried a lot.
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"My dad is a general!!"

... didn't work in real life for this cunt...why should we believe you.
I need details. For... reasons.

Seriously though, I love docs. Some of the coolest fuckers around. Even if y'all are gayer than a unicorn farting rainbows.
Probably the only time I was ever insubordinate ever
>be in afghan
>be lance corporal, have shitty lazy as fuck corporal as a squad leader
>hes literally only our squad leader because LT said they HAVE to be NCOs and we didnt have anyone else
>he picks up SGT because hes finally been far enough into his 2nd enlistment for those time in service points to stack up
>with the promotion comes a fresh surge of motivation, he is the backbone of the Corps, he must show us the way.....
>decides mandatory squad PT needs to be done
>we all PT harder than he wants us to on our own, hes always utterly winded and quits halfway through
>hes always super butt-flustered that we can run circles around him on top of hitting the weights pretty hard.
>did I mention hes fat, 1 pound under max, and probably only cuz his buddy penciled it in for him
>So we do a 4 mile run, halfway through he comes up with an excuse to waddle off and make us finish the run
>well fuck that, hes doesnt wanna do it why should we
>walk back to the gymn, lift for a bit
>hes waiting for us outside, hes pissed, hes gonna "run our dicks into the dirt, since we dont even know what real PT is"
>i got 2 trucks blown out from under me in 30 days, im having none of it
>"says the fat fuck who falls out of his own PT sessions"
>rip my lance pins off "your move fat boy"
>hes in damage control mode now "no I have a better idea" and he literally runs off to tattle to the CO
>CO is pissed as fuck, wants battalion level NJP, until he hears about the whole story
>sgt bigmac told him I had called him out for the fight, also CO finds out the guy had been shirking PT while forcing his us to do it anyways
>get off with an ass chewing, 2 weeks extra duties cleaning the shitters, and a negative counseling

I never got in trouble before or after that. But id just had it ya know? Wasnt even the PT, just.... the bullshit
Please, they gave him a seat at the front of the oven and everything
Totally understand. I got sick of bullshit pretty quick. One of the benefits of being a medic though is I had a bit more wiggle room when it came to speaking my mind. I can't stand spotlight sgts.

Don't even get me started on our piece of shit LT. Dude was a moron who bordered incompetent.

Thanks bro...I think.

I do like unicorns.
"Spotlight sgts"? Army term, personal phrase?
We never used it in the Corps but im interested to hear specifics. My buddies and I had a phrase "kicking ass and sucking dick"
It was a specific insult for a guy whose superiors think hes a badass motivator but his peers know hes a shitbag, hes just good at hiding it because he has a highly developed sense of when hes being watched and only accomplishes anything of note during those times and just passes work off to underlings when he isnt under scrutiny. Is it similar?

*Boom Boom*

Thank you ladies and gentlemen, you are too kind... don't forget the matinee on Saturday and remember to tip your waitress.
Yes... tell me moar
navy slags have good taste in men huh
Lmao your brothers are SF. That's not special. There are literally thousands of them. Probably B team faggots too.
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are you solidus snake or something
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doesnt that make you the loser of the family if you cant even make it in the Army? seriously the army...you know where gang banger niggas enlist to pick up Sgt in 3 years, 1st Sgt in 7 years, join the black guy masons that run the high tier army and become a Sgt Maj. in 15 years?

you mean to tell me that you havent even gone to stupid ass jump school aka where my womanlette ex gf got her jump wings you havent even done that have you.

btw my asperger syndrome, severely depressed and insanely homosexual just-came-out-of-the-closet brother is a Corporal in the Army and is an aviation mechanic stationed in Hawaii. so to paraphrase you really havent accomplished anything in life so far, ask your brother if he knows anyone named Tim Prescott out of Ft. Bragg who was with delta, oh wait I forgot they dont have names and are super secret
Spot on lol. Exactly.

They were a shit bag at all times except when brass is around. Then they act like that gave a fuck. They were a good example of what I didn't want to be as a leader.

Army btw.

As appose to you, being so lazy that you can't be assed to shave every day?

Good going sport.
Be me 11b in my first until, 3 months in, get to Kuwait. My first ammo detail and who is on it with me is my first Sargent, apparently he fucked up bad. Ten minutes in to the detail and he throws a box of fucking grenades off the top of a lmtv. All of us joes leave him up there and go back to our tents and tell our sgt and he is never seen again.

Private pls
I know you're not that familiar with army units and all, but just envisioning a division's worth in bct gave me a kek.
>1st Sausage
Same Same. Never got insubordinate with anyone until someone ND'd in our company. Some NCO who went active after a lifetime of being an e-4 in the NG had a bright idea of having the platoon leave the wire on green status (no round in the chamber).
Everyone followed suit but I figured that was dumb as fuck given, you know, deployed.
>Leave the gate, rack a round that is miraculously muffled by jingle truck exhaust blowing up.
>Walk for a few hours, meet and great locals and their chai boys. A quiet patrol like every other one we had when we were there.
>Either way, halfway through our tour and I'm not gonna let myself get fucked because I didn't have a round in the chamber.
>NCO's clear rifles as part of the new "safety SOP" asshat has imposed.
>Go to clearing barrel with NG asshat.
>Clear the chamber, lock the bolt to the rear, round flies out.
>"Anon, WHY IS WAS TEHRE A ROUND IN THE CHAMBER?! You were given a direct order by a etc etc etc"
>PL and psg walk over to here the fuss.
>Look asshat sgt dead in the eyes
>"It was a dumb fucking idea."
>says hes gonna give me an art 15, all that shit
>"You aren't understanding me sgt, I don't give a fuck"
>Put dropped round back in mag and walk back to chu by myself.

My Lt and psg came by later to ask me why i was pissed. They agreed and said it wasnt an order, "more of a suggestion" as they told me they did the same as me. Nothing came of it, but I got more respect from the other NCO's in the company and a minor grilling by the CO just to show he supported the brigade SOP on paper.

Good idea fairys and spot lighters will destroy morale single handedly.
They would do the same thing in the Army, but different units did them differently. I did the minimal effort of cleaning up but the key was distractions.
>Be me, changed to different unit as old brigade got the axe.
>Meet NCO's but their focus is on the new dicks fresh out of boot.
>Surpise nuggah, room inspections!
>Room was mild disaster, told NCO's before hand that I was packing for upcoming JRTC rotation through the night.
>Dirty laundry and garbage not taken out was real answer.
>New dicks get fucked.
>One has alright room, some dust, some dirt by door.
>Fuck me, i'm gonna get smoked.
>Other new dick has pizza boxes and piss bottles under bed.
>Piss bottles under bed even though its one room with one bathroom feet from his bed.
>NCO's skullfuck him and 1st Sausage decides to inspect my room.
>Opens door, starts to flip shit as he scans left to right with shit on the floor and all.
>"Does it still work?"
>"Where'd you get this?"
>1st Sausage saw my n64, starts to bro out and tell me about his first few deployments and his kart/smash tourneys.
>Calls over other nco's to play while I clean up while they're distracted.

mfw I upkicked their asses to space
lol. compared to this guy? nah. he never pt'd, did the bare minimum, even had his guys go get him chow while he laid in his fucking cot.

>in iraq.

>Also, PT'd 3 hours nearly every day.
>being so lazy

>caring more about appearance than ability.

Good going guy.
Absolute horseshit. Kill your fat faggt self
Lol'd all the hell and back.
Has /k/ run out of stories?
>be assigned to battalion commanders PSD
>hes a total fucking tourist, spent 20 years in com, now all the sudden hes in charge of an infantry battalion deploying to sangin
>(rubs hands together) oh boy, time to chase dem ribbons
>he insists on patrolling with us, hence, me and 4 other marines gotta be his escort
>oh, btw were gonna go to this place
>oh, you mean the place where we constantly take RPG and machine gunfire every fucking time we go there?
>yeah that place. I wanna check out this house.
>thats a mosque. A really, really shitty mosque. you got intel theres shit there? Cuz we agreed with the afghans not to go in those any more.
>no, just wanna check it out
>oh boy. This fucker is literally planning a fire fight for us to have to survive so he can get his fucking CAR
>we take two pop-shots about 500 yards away from the mosque, fire is some shitty AK about 1000 yards away, two rounds go flying about 50 feet overhead. Not even worth acknowledging
>BC literally yelps, snaps his rifle up, and fires randomly at the horizon.
>uhhhhh, sir, are you okay
>he turns and books it for the overwatch mounted in MRAPS.
>we give chase, we ARE supposed to be protecting him afterall
>he climbs up inside the MRAP
>uhhhh yeah, these guys are my PSD now, go help check out that mosque
>sir, we agreed with the afghan government we wouldnt go inside of mosques any more.... theyre gonna get mad.....
>oh, so now that hes got an inch of hardened steel around him his balls grew back
>*heavy sigh* no sir. We'll do it
>approach mosque, old malik sees us coming, walks away shaking hiscomin.
>and laughing
>we go inside, dont find anything except prayer rugs.
>holy. Fucking. Shit. All hell breaks loose
>we take RPK and AK fire from about 6 directions
>3 RPGs come slamming in
>and, I shit you not, a dishka.
>so we jump into a ditch because theres literally no other cover.
>its a 200 yard run paralell to a hedge-row kinda brush line, we have rounds kicking up dust in between our feet as we run.
>our FO books it past ALL of us, hes got a bigass radio, like half the bullets are aimed at him so I cant blame him.
>he gets to the ditch, begins asking the BC if he can call for a HIMAR strike on the brushline
>british apache pilots nearby, they say they've got 500 rounds of cannon available
>after 40 minutes of trading fire they show up
>two appaches vaporise the brushline, I see an arm go flying about 40 feet into the air, still clutching an AK mag (I think)
>all fire stops
>its quiet.
>lets get back to the fucking trucks
>halfway there something explodes in a cornfield
>something also goes howling right between two of our trucks
>it hits a wall about 600 yards behind them and explodes (killed an old guy, the taliban tried to say we did it later)
>trucks nope the fuck out behind a hill 800 yards away
>gotta run again
>cornfield engages us with two PKMs and assorted small arms fire
>gotta hide behind a house
>little kids come running to get inside, get stuck behind a shed thats also underfire
>FO runs to them, under fire, picks them up, tosses them to thier mommy through a window, still under fire
>probably the most heroic thing ive ever seen
>turns, dumps three mags screaming "FUCK YOU" at the cornfield, our SAW gunner and myself join in
>long story short an F18 blasts the field with a 2,000 pounder after the FO called him in
>I put the FO in for a NAM, our CO hears and tries to push for bronze star
>BC denies it. He just did what grunts are sposed to.
>hes a pog and he got in the shit, fought like a pro, and saved two little kids under fire. Tha fuq?
>and now I reach the point of the story.
>BC writes himself up for a bronze star, it gets accepted. He sat through the whole thing in an armoured vehicle almost a klik away.
Wow, just wow. There should be some bored fucker like that retired SEAL dude how gathers documentation on shitbags like that BC and humiliates the fuck out of them.
Dude, the black guy masons are a literal thing in the military.
>be free mason
>have square and compass tattoo hidden in a chest piece tat
>new staff sergeant (niggest level black)
>hears I have undocumented tattoo
>last chain of command didnt care but apparently he does, guess im gettin 6105ed
>he demands to see it
>take shirt off
>he looks for a minute
>he extends his hand
>we do the secret handshake
>no 6105. And suddenly like 3 black staff sergeants and a gunny from around the battalion are cool with me
Or they are just supply or admin for an SF battalion and lie to everyone that they are operators.
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Wait. Either the Sarge is situated in the 6th floor or or the locker was carried down. This story doesn't make any sense at all.
what's the handshake?
What even are masons?
How about a civilian joining in?
>friend of a friend is in the murheens (assaultman iirc)
>I do not like this person much because reasons but had to put up with him throughout childhood because reasons
>get word that said murheen is in need of care package
>get together with bros and send wet wipes, Chips Ahoy, Q-tips, an assortment of those really little bottles of booze, and porn.
>gay porn
>lots and lots of gay porn acquired from Craigslist on the cheap
>magazines and VHS tapes of very, very gay porn.

I heard it didn't go well.
>water treatment specialist
>come back from field
>recovery scheduled to take a full week
>finished cleaning and doing layouts on Monday
>been jacking off since Tuesday

This is the good life.
Shitbags are their own race
Is this how shit /k/ has become?
>We do it to protect the softer, weaker boards from the horrors of the internet.
underrated post
Any "fan room" stories?

We had a great game for faggots like you. It was called lock you in a fucking cleaning closet and pour a gallon of bleach under the door. We'll let you out when your daddy hears your choking and comes to your rescue.

They never do.
>tfw never gonna have that credibility of ever being in the shit forward in afghan etc
>gonna eaos as another victim of these fucking charades
>in AIT
>Got an Arty so my CO hates my guts
>literally told me I'm getting chaptered
>Final PT teat tomorrow
>failed my first one
>legs full of stress fractures
>Knee is fucked
>mfw I've done sprints and intense ass workouts for the last month to make up for my injuries
>Mfw my CO literally said he takes pride in chaptering people
>MFw the odds are stacked
>MFw if I get a discharge it'll be OTH because of my arty









Haha you're a patriot, my stepdad is a brigadier general, him and my mom got hitched like 3 weeks after getting to my unit
I got hit by MCT instructors in 2014
when you say FO do you mean radio operator? As in 0621?

Niggas probably not military. Explain more who your faggot father and inbred brothers are.

Was the pre-2000 actual ass-whippings something that started after 1998? Because I never saw any of that shit, and I suppose it would have been me deserving at least one or two.

Abut I never did, Anon. I never did.

sure you did, boot.
I had a second class in my airframe shop. He was mean he was just...on par with the characters from idiocracy. No squadron would give him CDI which is the ability to sign off on work. His last squadron gave it to him the day before he left as to not mess up statistic.

>Only looked good on paper
>Only looked good cause he worked gitmo
>One day he royally fucked up fixing an airplane panel
>After shift we are changing in the locker room
>Says something dumb to me, everyone goes damn
>I go "Dont you have any other panels to fuck up"
>Everybodys jaw drops
>Half way to the barraks some car pulls up next to me
>He starts yelling to get in the car
>Starts driving next to me
>Not even scared just concerned this idiot doesn't have forethought

Its whatever I saw him get turned down by my dominatrix that worked in my shop.
>by my dominatrix that worked in my shop

This is a man who understands work-life balance.
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>explaining someone else's joke
>to the person who fucking told it
It was great, whenever work would stress me out, she would appear out of nowhere to either pull my hair while rubbing her lady parts on me or make me get on my hands and knees to kiss her boots for candy.

I was a nonner, but I had something like that. Was 17 and training in san antonio, was constantly being messed with by some O3 flight surgeon that was obsessed with young guys. The abuse was so familiar and comfortable after a while that I actually miss it.
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le ebin Max Uriarte maymay.

lol boot pog gunny call of duty pog haha

>His sister has a penis
You mean his brother doesn't have a penis. F to M.

Good god, either way.

It's a shame about his comic; he clearly cares deeply about the lower enlisted that are still dealing with the USMC's bullshit, but the result of all the publicity TL receives is the new generation of JROTC facebook kids that think it's remotely acceptable to call any servicemember a 'POG'. (we spell it pogue IRL). Mostly the edgy teenagers on /k/ run with it but... damn, a lot of the fun things that sort of made the marine corps a super secret fun are now like call of duty tier maymays now.
Nah, fuck you. I was in the Army and love seeing the "heh, we had to deal with the same shit" stuff.

I don't mean it like that, that's what makes the series great. It's mostly the reg checkers in 1st Civ Div and like I said the kids that kind of spoil the fun. It's like "Hey, here's a glimpse into the less glamorous side of life in uniform"

"LOOOOOL THAT'S JUST LIKE WHEN MY ROTC INSTRUCTOR_________" Like no, small child. No it is fucking not.

Jesus fuck

You try to tell a guy shit gave you a boner and you derail the fucking thread.

I just can't win.
So your dad is a general and you get in as enlisted? Most people would kill themselves out of shame.
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Found the civvie
I wonder...
At of all the shit tripfaggots I had you the third most
>entire division
You wanna know how I know you are full of shit and don't know what your talking about
he's referring to not only going down, but taking it back up

>>just like your mum
You should hear the fucking stories our ex-CAG Sgt Maj tells us. The dude jumped into Panama with the Rangers, he's salty as fuck.

Fucking gold.
Based as fuck.

Shit, if I was a medic I'd tell him to eat a dick.
Why did you say
>can't smoke a rock

Is it a reference to the fact you CAN smoke rocks? Is it some American military custom?
Lol 10,000 to 15,000 people doing pushups in the snow.
I mean HAVE seen some battalion wide fuck fuck games but a DIVISION?
Thats gotta be the biggest lie ive heard today.
He probably means battalion, as division in the Navy is battalion level. Or company. Can't remember.
To force a grunt to do massive amounts of physical activity in a short amount of time. A common punishment.
A fit, strong, motivated person.

Can't PT punish somebody who does PT for fun.
Ahhh, that makes sensegrun was a marine grunt and was trying to think of the last time we even had all of one division in one place.
Gulf war maybe?
>signals company
>slow day, nothing planned for our platoon
>offcan of the week picks three corporals
>orders them to pick three privates
>hide behind a locker to avoid "wiener" (surprice task pinned on the first junior soldier the task-giver sees)
>corporal walks into the room, walks around to the locker and tells you you just volunteered for the task
>three privates and three corporals move 2km of pair cable from storage to the barracks
>in practice privates carry while corporals joke about how there should be an offcan overseeing the task being done properly
Tfw I don't actually know what division I'm a part of if any because our unit is so spread out
non militaryfag here: shouldn't the shaving rule not be applied in Iraq and other majorly muslim countries? Afaik men don't get a good treatment without a proper beard.
N64 is awesome, double so if you have GoldenEye
That's why you see some special forces with beards. We still need to shave, mostly justified as facial hair interfering with your gas mask seal.
>recoilless rifle
>dude that's some FUBAR right there
>Drill Sergeant making whole barracks sing Happy Birthday to Jesus on Christmas (because he thinks he's Gunny)
>Asks why I'm not singing
>I don't sing to imaginary people
>Asks if I'm a damned heathen
>Tell him that his mom asked me the same thing last night
>Entire barracks erupts in laughter
>Entire branch of armed services forced to do pushups
>be me
>2nd attempt at mandatory service
>corporals order everyone to visit the conscript NCO housing accordingly to the regs
>be 99.99% certain it's 50% to test if boots know how the regs & 50% to distribute the dog tags
>say nothing despite the fact that you already have your dog tags
>be one of the few boots who are not sent to the back of the line to try again due to some mistake
>corporal notes that I had waited in line for nothing for an hour as I already had my dog tag
>tolerate the assholes mocking you because of that fact for the rest of the basic
>IDGAF; the order was to wait in line, I did, was the only guy from my platoon who didn't have to try again before being told what this particular dog & pony show was about.
did Pvt. Snowball also participate in the laughter?
Not him but I was called Powder by my DI's. Second tallest in the platoon and I'm so white I glow in the dark.
I have several stories from CFB Comox this summer, mostly stupid shit. If anyone wants more, I'll continue.

>Waiting outside a mess hall for instructions about the Aircraft crash drill.
>About 8 of us just standing in the shade, when we see several very high ranking officers, a junior officer and a NCO on the opposite side of the road.
>Its like 3 Captains, a Major, I think a Lt. Col., 1 LT and a WO on their way to an inspection.
>One young Avr. is walking towards the officers.
>The Officers stop walking, to let the Avr. pass
>They actually stop to let him pass
>Avr. walks past them without saluting
>Avr. walks past them
>Doesn't salute
>WO peels off and stops Avr.

I never figured out what happened to that Avr. or the WO's blood pressure.
Ivy, you're not as bad as I thought you were.
wait earshot or eye sight.

Also, is this fucking allowed? Like you're an MP.
they probably had a giggle while doing shooters of Rush and reacharounds figuring out how to reck his credit score
I didn't even see the
>be in afghan
for some reason.

I thought this was on a domestic base till I read
>i got 2 trucks blown out from under me in 30 days, im having none of it

That is so fucking stupid being a shit head while on combat deployment. Fuck him. Jesus christ. Cunt had the balls to say "Ill take my rank off and we'll settle this man to man" when hes only a SL because of technicality.

Jesus Christ.
>Also, is this fucking allowed? Like you're an MP.
No, it's not. You can use force to stop someone in the middle of a really unsafe act, like stomp a guy turning his rifle crossrange, but not as actual punishment. At least not since the 80s, I think. And it depends on if the MPs are on duty and have jurisdiction.
wait, how the fuck can people write themselves up for a fucking medal? Isn't the point (especially a fucking Bronze Star and above) of awarding a fucking medal to exemplify "selflessness"?
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