Over a series of escalating arguments concerning cheese manufacturing process, and the correct way to do it, Italy and France are in a situation of total war.
The main objectives of this war are to annihilate all the cheese producing facilities of your ennemy, and all those standing in your way.
Your options are:
- You fight for the Pizzaboys wiseguys and wish that Parmigiano rules over the world, with it's brothers Mozarella, Pecorino and Gorgonzola.
- You decide to serve the Du fromage alliance, gathering under one banner the northern inbreed clans, with duke of Camembert opening the way.
All of Italy or France full military forces are under your command, but Frenchies decided not to use Nukes, since they want to steal italian cows afterwards.
Which side do you pick?
>most plausible war scenario on /k/ ever
I'd go with the frogs. Because there is no way in hell i'd ever work with the maccaronis. I also think they would win the ground war, though the Italian surface fleet would effectively control the mediterranean sea.
Since this scenario is laughably one-sided in favor of France, I'm gonna tweak it a bit.
Switzerland has decided that what the cheese-eating surrender monkeys produce is an affront to all cheesemakers and break their centuries long neutrality to join in on Italy's side.
Oh, and Liechtenstein sends their 3 dudes, too.
An Italian/Swiss alliance would fail miserably. Swiss-German officers would kill themselves from having to work with Italians (cultural difference/foreign language...). Swiss-Italians would simply refuse to work with Italians (they come to our canton and steal our jobs). The Ticino would secede, joining the French if necessary. Swiss-French units would arrive late for the war.
Oh fuck yes... Sbrinz reporting in, ready to remove Camembert
Emmentaler reporting in! I say, let the euros deal with their cheese problems!
Once the dust settles, we'll be the only one with intact cheese production facilities. We'll make tons of cash exporting our old stocks of Gruyère, Emmentaler, Sbrinz, Hobelkäse, Racard, Tilsiter, Tomme vaudoise, Tête de Moine, etc.
Italian heritage aside I think that France would be the best bet because Italy contracted Down syndrome after the fall of rome. But then again If Italy attacks first then France might just surrender through muscle memory...
> The year is 1791 + 224 (Year of founding of the Mold crust alliance)
> Those sacrebleu transalpine hard crust worshipers are gathering their forces, rallying other inferior cheesmakers by their sides
> They mainly conceive cheese as a pasta flavouring
> This cant' be tolerated on this face of the planet, USA can have it's souless yellowish toothpaste if they wish so.
> Roquefort bro and count of Roblochon are sent on a diplomatical mission to UK, trying to rally Stilton producers by telling them they produce actual cheese.
> Great success, perfide Albion is now by our side
> Je suis chessy
you don't only fight camembert de Normandie, filthy ritals and suisses !
you fight the might of a thousand different kind of cheeses !
FROMAGES, ASSEMBLE !
they produce Brie and Chevre in the US
and the only special thing I need for making Mozzarella is some rennet and heat ressistant gloves (that shit hurts to fucking make by hand)
'Murrican here. We haven't forgotten what you once did for us and goddamn it if we can make amends with the bits then we can surely put aside our differences and police the world TOGETHER. Lady liberty wills it
> Armies have gathered
> The final alliance of tastefull people against barbaric mountain people
> I'm sure they even add cum in their cheese, they pbbly even fuck their goats, I mean did you see their wives?
> Regardless of such facts, the fight is ensured to be harsh. Face of the world will be changed by this shit.
> Russia discretly tried to supply some dehydrated milk to Italian scums, only to see it's cargo plan blew up by some patriotic cheese loving 'muricans of the expeditionary force.
> Italians are now going full embargo on Pizza cheese, thus starving entire regions of the USA
> Nation Emergency state is declared
> Obama goes full weremycheeseat.jpeg
As someone who hates cheese in all its forms, I approve of this war and humbly request that it never end.
Spaghetti nigger American here
I choose au frommage
>having a snowball's chance in hell against France
Plus I personally would rather invade Italy than France, since I have to choose one or the other and not whynotboth.jpg like my forefathers
We have to send Emmental on diplomatic mission to rally Generalfeldmarschall Von Milbenkäse and Count von Quark in Germany.
Gruyère has to rally General Manchego from Spain.
Racard will have the difficult task to rally the Dual Emperors Tofu in the Far East.
We also need help from Tsar Korall.
> Implying all the aforementioned aren't french bannerets
> Implying we've not supplying them the tech to produce such high grade fromages
> Implying filthy italian cheese graters stands any king of chance
> Godless Russians and their vodka flavoured cheese are no concern, since they're all inferior genepool so lactose intolerant
I swear once we're done the vaches laitières will spread from Torino to Sicily, and you'll have to try and add some of that Maroilles to your precious pizza!
> Naval warfare in Mediterranean Sea
> FREMM vs FREMM
> Cavour vs Charles De Gaulle
> French landing with Mistrals