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How To Gay: Closetfag Edition!
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You are currently reading a thread in /lgbt/ - Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender

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I always wanted to write one of these but the recent influx of, “Halp, /lgbt/ I think I might be homosex” threads made me finally get off my ass and write it. So here’s a short (lol) rundown on how to gay.

This is going to be broken up into several parts. Ask questions below, and if something doesn’t pertain to you specifically, mention it and someone will comment on your special snowflake scenario and call you a niggerfaggot shortly.

>I might be gay/bi? How do I know for sure?
We don’t even know, anon. There’s no TL;DR for this. Some people claim they know at an early age, it hits others around puberty (my case specifically), and sometimes, people don’t realize it until they’re way into college. Basically, the fact that you’re 16 (lol underage B&) or even 24 and still struggling with this doesn’t mean much.

>So what can I do?
Basically you ride the wave and wait it out. But this can (read: /may/) lead to some pent up stress and sometimes make you do stupid things like fap in a public restroom with a trucker named Joe. I’ll talk more about this in a bit.

>So basically, you can’t help me?
Nope. And nobody on this board can. But we can help you understand it a little better so you don’t feel like shit all the time.

>Why the fuck am I reading this then?
Well, do you have any specific questions?

>Umm.. alright. I only fap to traps, androgynous dudes, and/or twinks. I’m still straight, right?
If only dudes get you going, you’re gay. If you’re also turned on by women, you’re bi.

>On that subject, guys REALLY get me going. More than women. Does this mean I’m more gay?
Not necessarily, but it could. Guys may be sort of forbidden fruit to you still. So it’s likely that you’re turned on by the new experience the same way you might get when you discover a new kink you didn’t know you liked.

(move away from the mic to breathe in)
>Wait, hold up. You don’t understand. I only like feminine dudes. Exclusively.
I hear this a lot but it doesn’t change much. One angle I rarely see people mention is that this could be your age. I know I wasn’t attracted to mid 20’s scruffy bachelor dudes when I was 18. But that’s my kinda guy right now (call me, boys). Also, this could always just be personal preference. Some gay dudes choke at the sight of twinks. Others won’t get hard if the guy isn’t black. The fact remains: you like men and masculine features. Ass, backs, navels, and even cocks. You’re bi, man. Maybe even gay.

>Alright, okay. What the fuck can I DO though?
My best advice still, is to sit on it. If you’re not emotionally ready to admit that you’re not straight or outright admit that you’re bi/gay, you’re not emotionally ready for the aftermath of buttsecks. It may seem like this is the most important thing in your life right now but that’s only because of what I mentioned earlier, the curiosity for it is what’s driving you. Level yourself first, then we can talk about getting you laid.

>*breathe* Alright, I’m ready.
Fine. There’s a multitude of ways to get you D, but the best one by far right now if you’re a closet case, is craigslist (assuming amerifag. Sorry, rest of the world. Can’t help you, bro). Most people forego this route because of the occasional pic collectors and endless emails but these guy’s are seasoned pros. You’re not. You’re going to have to deal with this. Yes, Grindr is much quicker but if you’re worried about someone seeing your picture on there, it might not be the best choice. For the love of god, don’t start a Jack’d or Grindr account if you don’t have the balls to put up /at least/ a body pic (even that’s frowned upon). No one will talk to you. Use craigslist. You’re from 4chan. I have high faith that you’re able to spot trolls/fakes relatively easily. Don’t let me down, anon. Use common sense.

>What do I say? Should I post? or respond to someone?
If someone’s ad interests you, go for it. The proper etiquette is to send a face pic and tell them your location. However, because pic collectors are real, I’d say you should post an ad yourself. Specify that you’re not willing to send a face pic but you’d but okay sending a body pic if that’s the case. If you’re not willing to send any pic at all, you better have a charisma modifier higher than 5, son. Play up the fact that you’re straight (even though we have established that you’re not) and mention how this would be your first time. Assuming you live in a decent sized city, the responses should come rolling in.

>Can you draft one for me really quick?
What the fuck am I, your maid? Fine.

“Straight Guy. Really Curious.

Been sitting on this for a while and I want to try something with a guy. Oral preferred but open to more. Normal, sane, dude here for nsa fun. Please be hwp, ddf, and decent looking. Let’s keep the emails short and your body pic gets mine. Playing safe is a must. If this add is still up, I’m still looking. Tittysprinkles.”

Add some basic stats, maybe specify what you’re looking for a little better (don’t go overboard, use the rule of three), and remember that /you/ should also be cutting back on how many emails you send. Pics usually get traded on first email, specifications (sometimes additional requests: kinks, clean your ass, who’s topping) get mentioned in the second, and info is traded on the third.

>nsa? hwp? ddf? what?
Lurk more.

>W-What if… I want to bottom?
That’s cool, bruh. But unforch, that’s another can of worms that needs it’s own thread. If you’re asking if this makes you gayer? Nah, not really. There’s straight dudes that ride their girlfriend’s strap-ons into the sunset. It has little to do with you being homosex/bisex and more to do with you realizing that it feels incredible to have something in your pooper.
>Okay. No. I can’t do this. Nope. No way.
The bottoming thing? Dude, that’s fine.

>No, I just can’t do the gay thing.
See, that’s why I told you to wait. You’re not ready emotionally.

>No, it’s not that. I just don’t think I can buttsecks.

>Can I just not do this shit? I’m bisexual. I know I am. I’ll just get a girlfriend and fap to guys on the internet occasionally. That’s all. Nothing needs to happen.
Oh yeah, dude, no doubt. But this goes back to what I said earlier, too. If you bottle that shit in and never let it out, you’re going to have a bad time. I can’t stress this enough, man. The best thing to do is to wait until you know you’re ready. You’ll know when. Until then, fap furiously away. Discover what you do and do not like. Don’t be too closed minded about things. You’ll definitely know when it’s time to strap in your seatbelt and ride the hershey highway.

>You don’t understand. I just DON’T want this.
Okay, I’ll bite. People don’t want a lot of shit, man. You think people born blind wouldn’t kill to see? What about being a midget? You don’t think that shit sucks? Also, I promise you that no herps like to derp. The best thing you can do is own it. Assuming you got all your limbs and are otherwise healthy, you got off easy. Being gay or bi isn’t the worst thing in the world. In fact it’s getting easier to be homosex. Get off the self-pity train, find yourself a dude to cuddle with, and just let this notion go, man. I promise it’ll feel like the best thing in the world.
>You don’t understand. I just DON’T want this.
Okay, I’ll bite. People don’t want a lot of shit, man. You think people born blind wouldn’t kill to see? What about being a midget? You don’t think that shit sucks? Also, I promise you that no herps like to derp. The best thing you can do is own it. Assuming you got all your limbs and are otherwise healthy, you got off easy. Being gay or bi isn’t the worst thing in the world. In fact it’s getting easier to be homosex. Get off the self-pity train, find yourself a dude to cuddle with, and just let this notion go, man. I promise it’ll feel like the best thing in the world.

>But it’s terrifying. I mean, coming out. I can’t even think of that shit.
My situation was the exception and not the rule so I can’t tell you that it was hard for me, too. But I have had people tell me the worst fucking stories and it always chokes me up. Not just because they’re tragic, but because the people who tell me this stuff are functioning, independent adults despite all the shit they went through. That stuff makes you stronger. And who knows? Your rents might be okay with it.
Still, you don’t have to think about it right now. If you’re really that deep in the closet, you’ve gotta come out to yourself first. Coming out to your parents or to friends should be the very last thing in your mind. Don’t let other people dictate what /they/ think should make you happy. Fuck that.
>I guess all this talk about sex scared me. I think I want to just cuddle. You’re right, that sounds nice.
Alright, yeah, I did go into this with the assumption that you wanted to get laid because we’re both guys and this is the internet so sorry if I assumed you have your pants unbuckled and your dick is hanging out. Anyway, relationships are fine but you’re going to have kind of a tough time in this department. If you want to find a gay dude to chat with, there’s always a skype thread here on /lgbt/. Add some peeps on various LGBT steam groups. Fuck, join an lgbt guild in your favorite MMO. If you want a dude pressed against you while you watch netflix? You’re going to have to play the dating game.

>How do I date?
Buckle down, son. You’ll be here awhile. I don’t want to discourage you but gay dating is terrifying. Even for me. Granted I have my own set of social anxieties but that should just show you that it isn’t easy for guys who are sure of their sexuality either. Dating just sucks. It’s suckage isn’t exclusive to being homosex. I would recommend that you try OKCupid or some stupid shit like that but those don’t work. If you’re serious about looking for dates and not sex, this is where gay dating gets tricky. Most guys want to fuck on the first date. There’s been countless threads about this before and I can personally verify that this is true. The best advice I can give you is to find a hobby you like and see if there’s a niche gay community for it. I already mentioned steam and video games but you could also go see live bands, go to bookstores, shit like that. Even if you don’t find a boyfriend right away, you’re putting yourself out there, getting to know other gay/bi guys, and fuck, they might have qt friends.

>So that’s it? Just put myself out there and hope for the best?
That’s the way the world works, man. Nobody is going to hand you a damn thing.
>What if there’s a guy I want to talk to…
Like a type of guy? Sure, the gay community has all sorts of resources for body type preferences. Realjock if you’re into guys with muscle, chasabl if you’re—

>No. I meant like… one guy specifically. I think he’s gay but I don’t know. What do?
Oh, there’s a secret handshake us gays know to help identify each other. I don’t really know if I can show you how to do it using text, but I’ll try. Okay, stand up first. Standing? Okay. Now pretend the guy you like is across the room. The first step is to grow a god damn set and strike up a fucking conversation.

>Funny, man. Really funny.
What the fuck do you want me to say, anon?
>Conversation tips, flirting advice, shit like that.
Again, that’s something beyond the scope of this thread. Another beast to tackle on a different day. If you’re already comfortable thinking about dating a guy, you’re well on your way to being okay with it. Pat yourself on the back, anon.

>So that’s it?
Yep. That’s all the general tips I have to share, at least. Everyone’s process of getting their shit sorted is different. So like I said earlier, if you have questions. Ask away.
that makes me sad. everything is so hard ;_;
OP has schizophrenia, why should we listen to him?
Does this all apply to ladies too?
I just want a best friend who I can share a bed with and who will occasionally let me suck his dick and fuck me in the ass, why must it be so hard?
I'm very sorry to hear that. I tried to make it upbeat given the subject matter, but it's never easy. Anything you'd like to ask?

It's not /really/ that hard, anon. It sounds like you're open to casual sex so finding a fuck buddy isn't impossible. Try CL and specify that you're looking for something more long term. Make it more like a dating ad and add your hobbies and interests. Try OKcupid as well! Work that ass, bro!

I initially wanted to make it gender neutral but I wanted to get into the specifics of finding guys to fool around with. I don't know what the lesbian casual sex scene is like but if any lesfag wants to write an amendment, feel free to do so.
Saving as image format for future references
This seem kind of useful
Nice job, OP. Really well worded and good to read as a semi-closeted bi dude. Keep being awesome.
What if im technically 'out' but i have 0 friends or family so essentially im out to thin air


Probably being facetious but I'll answer anyway. "Out" generally describes a state in a legbutt's orientation journey when they are comfortable enough to be themselves around others but more importantly themselves. Generally. You can also be completely okay with your affinity for cawk/vagoo but legal, financial, or other inconvenient circumstances prohibit it. Out, essentially, is a unit of measurement we use to describe how very few fucks you give about what anyone thinks about your sexuality.

However! You can be the queeniest god damn queen and /out/ 98% of the time but still go back in the closet occasionally. Link is very highly related.

A more thorough dating guide would be relevant to my interests...

what if it's just a fantasy? like... i have fetishes i'm into but i don't think i would ever try them in person. just fap on the internet. am i still not straight? ;_;
bump, this needs to be spread around.
This should be stickied. Once a few edits are made, of course, for example to made it more toward a general sexual orientation thing instead of just being gay (ie bi,gay,les). Seriously though.
I vote it be stickied
I'm hesitant to answer this, anon because of what my answer to the first pseudo-question was. Basically, you could be anywhere between the early stages of discovering your sexuality to being comfortable with your heterosexuality and just enjoy the sight of a good dick. If you're a younger guy, I'd say yeah, you're probably the former. If you're older, maybe into your mid 20s, then I'd say you're the latter. Either way, I'd be reluctant to call you straight, anon--but I do have friends who label themselves as "primarily straight." Try that and see if it fits you.

Thanks for the bumps guys. And to the anons who keep linking back to this on other threads. :X

I'm going to try and rewrite this with the information and additional questions I gather from this thread once it finally 404's. I'll /try/ and make it gender neutral and focus less on getting laid and more on discovering your sexuality. If any femanons could read this and tell me what applies and what doesn't to their situations, I'd greatly appreciate it.
Great FAQ thank you very mich, op
I want to pass the rest of my life with a girl or a twunk.
But, with a girl it will be my entire life at the opposite of men (4 years something like that)

What's wrong ?
A very valid question, and it is /sort of/ answered in the FAQ but I'll expand on it here:

Basically, repeating myself here, this is probably your age. If you're a younger guy, you could be attracted to guys your age, and they happen to look like twinks. It can also (read: /big/ maybe) be that you're still uncomfortable with your sexuality so you try to justify it by being with feminine men. Enjoy yourself now, then maybe in a few years see if you still feel the same way (about only being with twinks). You might find that your tastes have leveled out and you're not uncomfortable with the idea of dating a guy in his late 20's if you're that age then, too.

If you're an older guy and /still/ only find twinks attractive? Chalk that up with personal preference. The whole "I want to date a guy up until he stops being cute" thing is a little fucked up, anon—but you like what you like. Don't be ashamed of it.

It's in the works.
I hadn't read everything, and yes the answer was here. But thanks,
Great read OP, I'm really happy this was made for some reason, even though I didn't need it to realize that the amount of cock I crave on the daily is enough to mean I like boys. I hope this helps calm the nerves of all those "I'm straight but I'm into traps" guys. Dealing with those is just too much for me.
Not all boys have cocks, you bigot
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>Well, do you have any specific questions

Yeah, I do.

Where the fuck can I find a cute little twink who is also red/iron pilled to my liking enough?

I'm getting real tired of this. I want whatever man wants, a qt to massage the DOMs and feel my triceps when we make love, hold my hand while I drive, pick strawberries during the summer, go on adventures, drink a few beers, and hate the same things that I hate, which is pretty much everything.


(Assuming that by qt you mean twink, if not, skip til the end)

I'm unfamiliar with the twink pick-up scene nowadays because I'm not into twinks anymore--but the guys I hang out with who /are/ pick up guys on instagram, vine, and twitter.

Basically, start up an account, post a bunch of OC shit about how you're so deep so you /don't/ look like a creeper. Like a few pictures here and there, look up hashtags for local restaurants/movies/locations that gay dudes frequent/enjoy so you know the guy is in your area.

If you're just looking for a guy in general? As I mentioned before, I have a dating FAQ in the works.
I don't do all that social media mambo jumbo crap.

That shit's for vampires.

Vampires without souls.


Because it's frivolous faggot shit that I don't have time for. Materialistic fruity frivolous faggot shit.

Yeah yeah, I know right?
>but waaah how u gunn meet dem der qts without playing their game wahhhh wahhh

I have time to shitpost and complain about no qt fem boy to love, not research and creep on them fucks.
Look, bruh. I want zombie hendrix, cobain, and ramone to rise up from the grave and back up my sick drums at my garage but it ain't gonna happen.

Fuck twinks until you find one you wouldn't mind calling your bf. That guy you described... Loving when you flex when you pound him? Hold your hand, maybe your cock when you're driving? Instinctively arching his back when you walk in the room? What qt bottom /doesn't/ want that?

Try harder.
I don't like trying
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Then I can't help you, anon.

Incidentally, the vapid, empty, frivolousness of twinkdom is why I'm no longer into them. Started happening around 20-21. Woke up one morning and just went, "Why the fuck am I even putting up with this shit?"

Be wary, anon. It'll happen to you, too.
I just like the skinny feminine guys I can man handle
Out of curiosity (for science) can you tell me what you've tried? What hasn't worked? What has worked?

I'm gonna double down and say what you're looking for is basically every twink, ever. Yeah, the hating everything you hate part seems a little too much, but if you just want someone to dom? I promise you, 5 minutes on Grindr will get you ass on your doorsteps in 30 mins or less.
Personally I'm not into the one night stand sex scene.

I get that in the realm of homosexuality it's common for sex to copious and spontaneous.

However I have no interest in just doming someone for an hour, and then telling them to pack their shit and get out of my bed.

That's rather drab and boring, anyone can get that.

I couldn't really tell you what has worked, or doesn't work. I'm a very reserved person as it stands. I don't do much anyway, focus too much on career, education, gym, etc. so a lot of my time is spent elsewhere.

The strange thing is young feminine men seem to approach me when I'm actually out at a bar.

And that's how I met a decent person, shockingly enough, at a bar. He was great guy, didn't mind my flaws, nor minded how I hated everything and teased me for it.

I guess that's my only saving grace, problem is I don't get out much.

>Personally I'm not into the one night stand sex scene.
We have that in common. So I /completely/ understand you.

It sounds like tinder might be more of your thing however even /that/ is becoming more and more of a hookup app. The only thing I would recommend is to specify that you're not really looking to hook up--but I'm not really sure how effective that might be.

I know you said you're not really into the social media thing and again, totally respect that. But I still think you should give it a try. A lot of younger guys grew up sharing their shit on the internet so facebook, vine, twitter, and instagram are all second nature. It isn't so much that they're ALL vapid soulless vampires, it's more that the majority of them are. You have to wade through that shit to find the guy for you.That's just what dating is about, man. No escaping it.

Basically, you don't have the time to go out and meet guys, so let your social media account do that for you. Somewhere out there that qt boy that will stand on his tippy-toes when you kiss is looking for you, anon. Help him find you, anon.
you're a fucking faggot

I'm kidding though.

Yeah no, the dating game is brutal. I'll look into this vampirific shit you call grindr.

Thanks fag.
hahah, alright.

Still don't think you should give up though. You sound like an awesome catch and I'm hard pressed to think of a reason why you /don't/ have twinks knocking at your door.

Fuck, were I 8 years younger and still twinky, I would have handed you my skype info after your first post. You sound like my type.

Good luck, bruh.
I'm bi, but playing as straight for all my life (I'm 24 now) and that makes me happy. I don't want my family and friends know that I love dicks too. Everything is fine, I can't be the only one, right?
I'll be 30 in two weeks. I've never been on a date, never had any sort of intimate contact with anyone, haven't had friends since high school at least and have serious problems sometimes just talking to people. My entire family back home is Catholic and I've been deep in the closet for years.

Is there any hope for a long-term monogamous relationship or should I just give up now?
How do I tell if i'm gay? I like dicks but dudes gross me out.
suck dick

>Most guys want to fuck on the first date.

How do you deal with this properly?

I'm closeted bi whos at the stage of accepting my biscummy-ness and now looking to mingle but I wouldn't go past making out / cuddling on a 1st date, not even with a girl. Right now I'm left hoping one of my friends could be gay/bi.

Also, it seems like being straight-presenting/acting really inhibits the chances of being approached by gay/bi guys, are there things I could do to change that without compromising my own identity? I don't see myself ever acting campy.
Basically if you're happy, you're fine. When you begin to feel unhappy, then you can look to Larry Craig, Ted Haggard, and other Mark Foley for solace.

Don't give up man, there's always hope. Are you basically not comfortable /at all/ with your sexuality? If you're willing to be in a relationship with a guy, bro, then hold on to that feel and let it drive you.

Can't tell if serious, but... see this:

This is a tough question because I'm still looking for the answer myself. I basically just ended a conversation with another anon here where we both lamented this phenomenon. I'm finding that, like i said in the OP, finding a niche gay community for the stuff I enjoy is helping me out. You go into it with the intention that it's platonic with the added benefit of meeting other gay/bi guys. For example, last weekend I went to a Smash Brothers tourney held at a gay ghetto near my city. Didn't meet the man of my life, but I met some cool peeps.
Oh, and to answer the last part of your question, I found that band shirts are total dude magnets. If you like (and wear the band shirt for) any of the following artists, it's like you're a walking gay pride parade:

>No Doubt. Garbage. Hole. The Cure. Goldfrapp. Abba. Kylie. Blondie. Madonna. Depeche Mode. The Smiths. Morrissey.

Ask your local /mu/ board for a more extensive list. Those are just the big ones.

Still, the best thing you can do to tag a guy and tell him you're interested is smile. Smiling always tells a guy you're into him. And it's free.
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This is actually great advice. The "if you live in a decent sized city" bit is getting to me though. I feel so isolated.
Gonna expand on this cus I gave you shit advice yesterday (and I need to bump this thread).

Sign up for dating sites and /specify/ that you're still largely closeted. Trust me, this isn't as stupid as it sounds. All of us gays understand how difficult it can be to come out. You might want to specify that you're also looking for something serious and monogamous, there's nothing wrong with this at all.

30 is still really young bro. You've got nothing to worry about.

Add yourself to the skype thread and link it back here. We should chat.
thanks op
Everytime I try and come out. I pussy out at the last second and hate myself for it all night. How can I make that push.
Too shy. Tried once, didn't turn out well. Sorry.
Tell one person, and ask them to be there to help you tell the others. Just one person is all it takes. You can do this, man. Things won't feel right the moment it happens, but it'll pave the way and make the rest of it so much more easier.

Count to three. You don't know how many of my friends say they did this. I did it it too. :)
Maybe I'm not ready.
shoot me an email: fiftytwofeet@gmail.com
Is it okay if I never come out? If I just keep it bottled up? It seems to be working with all my other emotions.
Personally, I wouldn't recommend it man. The psychological repercussions of bottling up /any/ emotion is extensive, let alone something as important as sexuality.

It's only terrifying for that moment, after that, it'll be a good story to tell your buds over drinks. You'll be prouder of yourself for doing it.
I'm scared of how they'll react and why it will change. If they might not want to hang out 1 on 1. A small part of me thinks they know and are waiting for me to say it, but I fear change and fear talking about my feelings even more
The tl;dr on that is people I trusted hurt me bad in the past and backstabbed me,
Don't worry, I get it. Every gay guy (or girls!) understand that fear, even just a little. To those of us who have been out for years, it can be hard to forget what it was like and we sort of brush it off. But it's crippling. Lose sleep over it. But that's just the thing, man. There's no need in carrying that on your shoulders anymore.

Only you yourself know what's best for you so I don't think I can comment on it anymore than this, but I can tell you for sure, you'll feel much better for it.
Et tu homo?
>be closeted
>have best friend that everyone thinks is gay

What do? Thinking about it my friends are most likely wrong , but i'd love to take a chance without the risk of ruining the friendship and coming out.
Three surefire way of finding out if someone is homosex:

>Look through his phone / computer.
The sneaky way of doing it. Chances are, if you're best buds, you have some kind of access to these things.

>Next time he texts and asks what you're doing, tell him you're watching gay porn. Preferably at night.
Do it nonchalant with no shame. I'm assuming he's equipped with the power of deduction, like every other person, so he will ask you why. Be cheeky and tell him you just ended up there, got curious, or a simple, "dunno." Gauge his reaction. Respond accordingly.

>Ask him point blank.
Don't make it into a big deal. Don't sit him down at dinner and hold his hand while you do it. Ask him as an afterthought, "Smash Bros is fun but everyone is maining LIttle Mac. Hey, are you gay?" This gives out the impression that its something you don't give much thought to, it's not something you planned on asking today, and that it's /no/ big fucking deal if he is. You're still friends, you're still gonna talk about stuff, and there is nothing he should be worried about.
This thread is great but I do have one issue with something that the OP said.

OKCupid worked great for me. It's how I found my first bf and I stayed with him for about 9 months, and we didn't fuck for like a whole month. I would recommend at least trying OKCupid before dismissing it entirely. You might find someone you really click with like I did.
>I would recommend at least trying OKCupid before dismissing it entirely
For sure!

I've had shit luck. Really shitty luck. Others might not!
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[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / biz / c / cgl / ck / cm / co / d / diy / e / fa / fit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mu / n / news / o / out / p / po / pol / qa / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y] [Home]

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