I've been on hormones for a long time now.
I don't dress that feminine but I wear a lot of skinny jeans.
I have shoulder length hair and I do my eyebrows.
Right now I get stared at. Weird looks all the fucking time.
People will gender me female until I speak a good amount of time but people will also go out of their way to give me shit.
Today for example.
I was walking down the street, at work, which involves going in between our two casinos and this group of people maybe around my age 24ish were standing on the street and they were staring at me as I walked by.
I heard them talking about whether or not I was a guy of a girl and then they proceeded to start shouting at me "are you a girl or a guy?" "Hey!!!" And shit like that.
Then they started following me and shouting all the way down the street and back to my other office. It was fucking scary.
This shit is happening more and more frequently and I don't know what to do.
I'm not trying to look more feminine right now because I have a good job and I don't think coming out there would be good for me right now.
It's not always negative. Men will flirt with me or check me out and after I speak they apologize like "my bad". It sucks right now because it's awkward but also kinda embarrassing because it happens in public at work where they know me as a "man".
So anons what do you think?
How do you deal with awkward androgyny?
I'm at work, trying to look normal/masculine because I don't feel like my job would be all that chill with the trans thing.
But more to the point. If people are questioning my gender and being awful to me, won't it be worse presenting female?
I know that feel OP. I get that even though I've never taken hormones. I also get yelled at in men's toilets now.
As for how I deal with it, to be honest, I've just stopped caring. You get used to it after a while, I guess, and I don't want to become more masc to avoid it so there's nothing to do about it but grow thicker skin.
Yeah I can not use public men's rooms. It so awkward.
I was happy at first that there was even a question of my gender but now it draws way to much attention and I don't like that. People feel like they can just say whatever they want about my appearance/walk/hair. I never see anyone else given this treatment when I'm out and about.
I don't know why people do this to me.
Transition is fucking hard.
You're kidding right?
>I was happy at first that there was even a question of my gender but now it draws way to much attention and I don't like that
Yeah I know that feel OP, at first I didn't mind the androgynous think because I thought it was the first step to being seen as a woman but now I honestly can't stand it anymore. I seem to pass better in androgynous/masculine clothing then when I wear female clothing which is depressing really. I don't have any money to buy clothing and things to make myself more feminine which is frustrating, i'll probably need ffs to pass completely to where I'm comfortable which i'll never be able to afford either.
I'm just so tired of being androgynous and having people stare at me. I want to look one gender not both.
>I'm just so tired of being androgynous and having people stare at me. I want to look one gender not both.
again, just stick a mustache on your face and people will instantly gender you as male and leave you alone. You can get rid of the stache when you actually pass full time as a girl.
i wish i had something to help OP, but i never really experienced harassment like that before
i looked pretty andro before hrt and during my first few months of mones. I got the weird looks and all and getting gendered female somtimes was awesome.
I became a recluse for about 8 months. I withdrew from university, moved back into my parents house, got FFS done and just waited until i felt i was able to pass flawlessly. then i just sorta rejoined society.
i doubt thats an option for you since u have a job and all and probs need the money.
start presenting strongly as female, if you start doing makeup and wearing feminine clothing, you should get less problem if people are already questioning what gender you are
best of luck OP
I'm in this exact situation, I look really andro but when I try to girlmode I look like a guy and when I guymode I look like a girl.
I've resorted to wearing a hat whenever I go out to avoid these problems but now I've become dependent on it
I think thing's would be a lot easier if I wasn't so big
>, I look really andro but when I try to girlmode I look like a guy and when I guymode I look like a girl.
Ugh me too...I don't understand why either. It's not like a wear hyper feminine clothes like dresses and skirt and heels or something, I usually just wear skinny jeans and matching top that flatters my body shape, flats or boots and light makeup. hen I do I notice I get a lot more stares from people and not good stress like guys checking me out or something either, they more like "eh is that a guy or girl" kinda look and some people give a smile like they know. When I wear guy clothes I seem to get gendered as a girl a lot more with less stares.
I'm exactly like you op should hair skinny jeans.
I complain about shit like this and hons give me shit that I'm not more thankful for looking feminine.
Like at work I get hit on guys.
They'll stop smiling and stop talking.
Once at a beach shop the attendant was like "AYE GURL" then I turned around and then asked if I was one.
God at work kids are the worst.
Like I shit you not 80% will obnoxiously ask thier mom why
"THAT GIRL LOOKS LIKE A BOY"
"THAT GIRL SOUNDS LIKE A BOY"
"MOM HE LOOKS LIKE A GIRL"
God it was so fucking embarrassing cause yesterday a kid did that and there was a huge snake like around the registers and all the customers heard it.
The next guy I helped was just chuckling.
Bathrooms are a night mare.
Like I'm too scared to use the women's cause I feel wrong cause I'm not even making an effort to pass.
But using the guys room I get the weirdest stares and comments.
Especially if I use the urinal.
"Ma'am I think your in the wrong bathroom"
"OH SHIT" guy walks out the walks in" this is the guys room right?"
I found the best way to make it not akward is just to say
"I'm just a boy with long hair."
"It's ok it just probably means I need a hair cut."
That way you put the fault on you.
I helped this sweet old lady the other day at work and when I was finished with her she was like.
"Well your just a sweet young.......man?"
I know your feels op.
Yeah. I don't plan on going full time till FFS. I wish I could do it like you did.
You're silly anon.
>I'm in this exact situation, I look really andro but when I try to girlmode I look like a guy and when I guymode I look like a girl.
Yeah I feel like that's me as well.
>I think thing's would be a lot easier if I wasn't so big
I think that's a part of my problem too. I'm 6' and people make comments on that.
I'm sorry you're stuck in the same situation.
I think it's a bit worse than that.
I get that cis women will get comments on their appearance.
I doubt they get the same level of weird interactions that I'm talking about though and I never see it happen to men.
Maybe the feminine/androgynous appearance disarms people so they feel like it's acceptable?
I don't want it to get worse. :(
It sucks either way.
>People will keep questioning your gender if you keep presenting yourself as androgynous.
I'm not trying to present androgynous. Skinny jeans aren't that feminine. Especially in a city.
>You should come out with the trans thing, I don't think you could be fired for that.
I don't know how it would work out desu.
I doubt they expect anything.
I've worked there for a few years and I've changed pretty gradually so probably they haven't noticed anything.
I work at the top of the company. I am in IT and it's only two of us for all of our company so I know everyone and work with everyone. From executives to the restaurant staff.
It's just going to be hard to ever come out there.
I am right there with you on all that terrible awkward stuff.
It's just gonna get more and more awkward isn't it? :(
The haircut thing will work I'm sure. Better than the current strategy of just freezing up and not saying like anything. I do so much awkward walking away it's not even funny.
I pull my hair back just like any "dude" with long hair and it still happens.
I really don't want to cut my hair.
I like my hair anon. It makes me feel better.
Fuck.....I get the same shit....and yep it involves a lot of awkward walking away like other anons have said.
Bathrooms are a problem too, guys will be like 'oh shi-', leave bathroom, come back in puzzled.
I was in the same position as you OP. I was scared of being judged so I stayed kind of andro, but also tried to butch up my appereance when I started getting strange looks from strangers
Just transition. I went from being stared at all the time to people not giving a flying fuck. Idk if people can read me as trans, but I don't really stand out, and I guess I look normal enough where people don't give a shit.
Don't buy into that failing boymode shit. Not everyone has the experience of being appealingly androgynous, nor does everyone live in a place where you'd be praised for it.
Grow some ovaries and socially transition, considering what you mentioned you'd probably stand out less
Because you're not masculine. Any long-haired guy with a girly enough face gets mistaken for a woman from time to time. Also, depends on how feminine your hairstyle is. Masculine men with long hair tend to have specific styles that aren't very feminine or have rather wild, unkempt hair.
I wish I could just go full time but I don't know if I am really ready for that and I can't give up work right now, I am saving for surgeries.
Not giving a fuck is super hard to do.
I guess that makes sense.
I just don't get why people feel like they can do/say whatever they want to me.
I mean, I don't know if you look all that andro. You like a girl to me anon.
Lots of naive posters in this thread. If youve been on hormones for years you should know by now its easier to pass as a girl or an andro thing in male clothes. The second you try ro present like a normal women all your masculinities and flaws especially in your body show up really clear and everyone can tell you are a dude trying to be a girl
it absolutely wasn't the case for me. Back when I was in andromode I used to get stared at all the time, especially by little kids. Lots of mean looks too.
When I started presenting as a girl they went away pretty quickly
You pass as female first, but when they realize you're not they fuck with you, cause they feel tricked probably
I'm pre-t ftm and people will think i'm a man at first and then realize i'm female.
I get a lot of weird stares, people will alternate between male and female pronouns, but i never get harassed cause no one is threatened by ftms
I feel like that's totally how it happens.
I have heard guys talking about me and when one of them realizes I am not* a woman that's usually when they start calling me a faggot.
Do people ever give you shit? Like when you are in public?
>tfw people automatically assume I'm a guy and never hesitate twice
>tfw will never hit the weird point when people can't tell my gender and I always will be seen as a guy even with boobs
How do we kill the vibe? Lmao I'm a passable attractive latina transgirl and if anything I bring good positive vibes when I'm around people . Not all of us look/sound like men in dresses.. sorry bout it.
I know that feel manhg
Constantly getcreeps following me around and askin "R BOY OR GRILL PENIS O VAGEENA", mostly in campus
Kids freak the fuck out "BRO MAN DUDE I CANT UNDERSTAND IF THIS A LAD OR LASS MINDFUCK LOLZ"
I'm scared to death one day they'll pull down my pants or something and show everyone.
>The second you try ro present like a normal women all your masculinities and flaws especially in your body show up really clear and everyone can tell you are a dude trying to be a girl
So my only option is to dress like a tomboy dyke? That's seriously depressing if I can't even dress the way I want. It's like being a feminine trans girl trapped in masculine dyke clothing...
This is not true at all.
Guy clothes enhances your shoulders, and downplays hips.
Girl clothes can do the opposite, enhance your hips while downlplaying your shoulders.
Sure, if you just put on a tight top with skinny jeans (pretty common actually... Also, usually WAY too tight shirts, like 1-2 sizes too small), you're probably gonna look more male shape than with male clothes. But if you dress in a loose top, with a little bit of "color layering" at your hips area, with skinny jeans, you'll look better than in guy clothes.