I don't care if no one reads this I need to get it off my chest.
I used to be such a masculine guy, my whole life I used to hate on anything girly, I beat up gay people in school and out around town. I used to always do real shit like jump old beat up cars or blow stuff up. I used to smoke heavy and drink even heavier. I used to blast death metal from my truck and act like a total asshole to anyone and everyone. I used to get 3 or 4 girls in my bed a week. I was an alpha. Then 3 years ago at 22 years old I had a real bad wreck and ended up in a coma for a whole month. I woke up and I was a different person. I was just a depressed mess. I was in the bed for 4 months for recovery and in a wheel chair for another six months. All my muscles I had faded and vanished. By a year after the wreck I was a pale weakling with a slight limp. The whole time I was down I was on 4chan every day, I used to rarely go on and when I did it was on /fit/ or /pol/. I stopped going to those two boards and I got into anime and Japanese culture, got into reading and softer music, got into drawing even. Eventually I decided to sell my trucks, old cars, tools and move to the city and go to college. I didn't know what I wanted my major to be so I just went in for an associates in arts and humanities. All my old friends could not believe it and broke contact with me as I left my parents home to the city. I really didn't understand why they reacted like that, it was only school and they made such a fuss over it. When I got to my new apartment it turned out I was rooming with a gay guy, this didn't even bother me, I was genuinely intrigued and he turned out to be super normal and very clean and smart, the apartment was never a mess. Eventually classes started and after a few months I was doing great, I noticed though half way thought the semester that all the groups I was in, in every class was all women. I was shocked, it was so easy to get along with them, more than hanging out with guys.
Eventually one girl in my speech class asked if I was gay. I didn't know what to say, I never thought any one would see me as a faggot, I used to be a manly man with a gun rack in his truck and beer cans all over his yard, no way I would every throw off that vibe. I said I wasn't and that was it till finals. I asked her after the final since no one usually ever sees each other after a class why she thought I was gay. She told me I was very effeminate and only hung out with the girls. We traded phone numbers because she thought I needed a friend and I went to my apartment. I opened /b/ and relaxed a bit and came across a trap thread. I never went to one because I used to think they were fucking gay but this time I scrolled though and my only thought was jealousy. I was actually angry that these people were so feminine. Eventually I started spamming the threads almost daily and spent most my break between semesters looking for trap threads to spam, all the while reading endless articles and things about gender dysphoria. After a while I ended up realizing I wanted to become a trap. I was so eaten up with jealousy I had started to get horribly depressed. Eventually I locked myself in the bathroom and took a bunch of sleeping pills and hopped in the bath tub. My roommate broke the door down and called 911. The only other number in my phone was Jess, the girl from the speech class and my roomie called her and she actually came to the hospital. She was super nice and became my best friend that day. I was held under a 51/50 for almost 3 weeks, had to see a shrink, and eventually I got a diagnosis of Gender Identity Disorder.
That very day of the diagnosis they transferred me to the female wing of the mental hospital and gave me my first shot of estrogen and a daily testosterone blocker. At the time my hair was to my shoulders, I hadn't cut it since the wreck but I never felt particularly feminine with it. Jess came in every day and showed me how to do makeup and got me my laptop and a flash drive with some voice training stuff on it. She also signed me up for the classes coming up in the fall. It was 4 months after my suicide attempt that I was released from the treatment facility. I had been on hormones for more than three whole months at that point and I emerged looking very feminine and had small A cup breasts that were still growing. The next 2 weeks before class I kinda got back into the rhythm of life. My roomie kept the rent up and was very cool with me still, when I came home he actually hugged me and I felt better than I ever had in my whole fucking life, I had friends and felt like I had a path finally to follow. The next couple months went buy fast as I continued to go to classes, learning makeup and styling from Jess, and started electrolysis. At that point I still had almost 20 grand still from the sale of all my vehicles and junk, I even got to sell my registered AK for a couple grand because since being in a mental hospital I was no longer allowed to own a firearm, that was the last shred of my male life. Fall semester ended and so did my facial hair removal treatments, I no longer had a beard and I had 8 classes under my belt.
December 10th was the day Jess took me out for the first time to the mall in what I called girl mode. No one saw me as a guy anymore and I could not have been happier. We shopped for hours and got me a whole new wardrobe of dresses, stockings, blouses, skirts, cardigans, heels, my first bras and panties, some jewelry, and even got my ears pierced. We went back to my apartment towards the evening and I collected every bit of my old guy clothes, wallets, hats, belts, shoes and boots, every shred of my male life and took it to Goodwill and I donated it. It felt depressing for a bit seeing it all go, like the old me was finally dead. The next week was a blur, I went to the DMV and got a new drivers license in my girl name with a new picture, my shrink singed off on my surgery referral and he signed off for court for my legal gender change, by Christmas 2014 I was living as a girl full time. I came to terms with everything and scheduled my appointment for surgery asap, I got a date for surgery in March of this year. I did 5 classes in winter semester and did 2 accelerated spring classes before my surgery date. The the big trip to Canada came, the surgeon I picked out is a fucking boss at what he does and March 21st was my surgery date, I woke up from surgery the next morning complete but in agony. Not having anymore balls meant no more testosterone blockers and I could lower my estrogen to get even better effects. By May I was pretty much healed and moved in with Jess and her other friend in a house we all rented. Then before the summer semester started Jess died June 6th, in a car accident from a cocksucker drunk driver. I was pretty much devastated because she was my life, I actually loved her even though we were never sexual with each other. Her other friend dropped out of school and left town and I moved into a smaller place alone.
I wanted to drop out too and start drinking. I went to a bar the night she got cremated and her ashes were sent home to her family. I got so drunk and some fucking jerk took me home, I was so out of it and just exhausted from crying for 2 days straight and he raped me right in the doorway of my place, I am lucky he didn't rip all my clothes off because he might have found out I was trans and killed me, but no I was left with a small tear in my vagina, blood all over me, my carpet, and my clothes and bruises all over my neck. They never found the guy and I wasn't in the mood to go deeper into dealing with it, I got tested and was okay thankfully, and then moved back in with my old roomie who was a doll for taking me in again. I had six classes for the summer semester and really got thought them only because I didn't want to fail Jess. It was hard though, so hard. Thankfully I got my AA in Humanities, didn't have enough credits for arts. I know it is a shitty degree but for who I was and what my life turned into I was pretty damn grateful. After I did a small graduation ceremony and had no one there to see me I decided I never wanted to go near that city again and packed up my stuff and went home on the bus. I got home at noon, no one was there, I broke into my room window like I had done a million times before and went through everything of mine, I took all my clothes and junk to the dumpster and went and got some boxes for my games and some precious memorables. I was all packed up and my room was fully empty. I grabbed my old wagon in the barn and put some air in the tires and loaded it all up. I locked up and got a motel room. I knew that was the smart thing and I am so glad I did that before my parents came home.
I walked back around 5:00 to the family house and my parents came home. I was a wreck trying to think of a way to explain who and what I was after leaving town for almost 2 years with no trace. I knocked and my mom answered, I told her it was me and she dropped to the floor screaming, my dad ran to her and was asking who I was and what did I do, mom screamed my dead name and my dad looked at me in shock and then slapped me in the face and called me a faggot freak. He told me he was going to get his gun if I didn't leave so I told him "fuck the both of you" and I ran to my motel room. Almost broke and with no one in the world I thought about Jess and how she would want me to go on. That next morning I went to the local shit hole car dealership and bought a rusty old toyota and filled it with my stuff and drove out of that town, screaming every curse word I knew out the window till I left the county line. I drove north for days, stopping only for gas and food. Eventually I hit Vermont and drove on till I hit Montpelier. The whole place was really clean and seemed easy going so I just stopped. I found a place for rent and sold my car for a bit more that I bought it for. Been here for a few weeks and I really like it. It kinda feels small for me but at least my transition is finished and I have a new prescription for estrogen. I think maybe if I get some kind of little job here I could save up and find a university to further my education. I will just take this one step at a time, its hard and I am lonely as heck though but I still feel better than if I was stuck in that shit hole town doing stupid shit and drinking myself to death.
Thanks for reading.
Wow, OP. Thank you for sharing your story. You are a really strong person. I can relate to your experiences in realizing that I was also a trans girl. I also was pretty repressed and suicidal, and people thought that I was gay before I came out. I agree about women/girls being easier to befriend and spend time with as well.
You have been through a lot-- I admire your perseverance. I'm glad that you are in a better place now. I'm in New England, but not Vermont. I wish I was there so I could help you feel less lonely. Hang in there though! One step at a time is all we can do. You have come so far already and I am sure that Jess would be very proud of you.
that's a really nice fantasy ya got there.
r-really... n-nice... ;~;
>don't have any contact info
nigga download skype or some other instant messenger program and use one of those temp email sites to exchange it. If you don't want to then that's one thing but having a computer and no contact info is retarded
when you said you hit montpelier did you mean that you actually ended up in the town or did you keep going? i'm pretty south but i have a huge network of like ~80 really really liberal college age kids around south burlington if you're too far away.
I live in Windham County. About 100 minutes from the Montpelier area or an hour or so from where I go to college. If you really are completely SOL I could find someone to take you in.
I mean it's a nice fantasy and all but I've got no proof or anything before i consider giving out contact info or anything.
That was a neat story OP. It was in no way a generic MtF fantasy. Nope, not one bit.
I know this is made up by I still laughed because this sounds like your typical transbian story with all the manly hobbies, beating up gays, fucking tons of women, then getting into Japanese culture on 4chan and starts transitioning.
It's not the matter whether he would or wouldn't, and definitely not that its you in particular, it's just that unless I make everything up about my life I won't get more than a "cool story bro".
I'm gonna look like I got my life sorted out and certainly a healthy social circle and it seems to go as far as that I apparently intimidate people in a way with my protective confidence when really the opposite is the case about everything.
That's my jealousy.
>there is no such thing as agp
Then how do you exist? lol
>deep down you want the option to switch back
>being an old woman is worse than being an old man
they're about the same
>being an ugly dude is better than being an ugly girl
they both suck. I'm fairly decent looking and I'd rather be a 5/10 girl than a 10/10 dude
fuck I'm trans
Such bs m8.
The day you got diagnosed they put you on E? That was the first red flag.
What about your liver/kidney panel?
What about the fact that you were still under their care and you wouldn't be able to sign for your treatment like that?
This shit is gross...
You're a 45 y/o from Susan's probably jerkin it to this story.
Sounds like the coma made you a better person op
You were a pleb before
If you tell me that the wreck happened on Signal Mountain, TN, I'm going to cry.
I doubt it. I'm just projecting because this happened to a friend. My GF at the time could have stopped you when she realized you were drunk, and called me about it bitching before the accident. When I found out, I went to the hospital and hung out with your dad, because oh my fucking god. This wasn't supposed to happen to you. You were always wild, but you didn't deserve this.
If that's not you, ignore me. Something almost the same just happened with a friend that I haven't seen since I moved, because he only got out of his coma as I was heading towards Cali.
Wow I got emotional way fast on that. Long story short, there is a guy named Barret who went through something similar, and he was the guy who told me I was too good for my lesbian abusive GF. He was one of the first people who tried to show me that she was just... Fucked up, and I didn't listen. I don't know what happened after he woke up.
>being an old woman is much worse than being an old man
the problem is young people waste their time not finding someone to grow old with while they're still young. old men and old women are equally undesirable, the only advantage old men have is money. most of them are fat and unattractive otherwise.
>no guarantee that your female form would be attractive
correct. this is true for any trans though.
>you really don't want to even entertain the notion of making the change until... you would be indistinguishable from a genetic female.... your naughty bits would be real and not just mutilations... expensive
idk why that is unreasonable or 'agp'. a neovagina is objectively not a real vagina and only a straight man or a faggot wouldn't be able to tell the difference with those huge ugly surgical scars and weird labia staring them in the face. any lesbian who isn't blind could tell in an instant that her vagina isn't the real deal. only butthurt faggots don't care because all they want is a second asshole for men to fuck so they can feel validated about their womanhood.
>deep down, you want the option to switch back
So you knocked faggot into yourself? Sounded like you went into a coma as a man and woke up a woman.
Have you tried contacting your parents since you left? Did you ever tell them about your GID? If some girl showed up claiming to be my son after i hadnt talked to him in ages, my initial reaction would be flipping a shit too(without the hitting, unless you tried to hug them and left that out) You need to see if they actually dislike you or they were completely shocked. If they hate you for being trans then fuck em and cut contact, but you shouldn't just assume you are alone.
Congrats on getting through all that.
i am super skeptical about your story OP, just coz of the amount of shitposting on this board...
...but if you are for real, best of luck to you, hope it all works out for you
Why is this so long?
>I was alpha
>Knocked out and lost muscle in coma
>now I'm more beta
>Lost old friends bc I went to college
>roomate is gay
>girl asks if I'm gay
>but most my classes were filled with females and I had more female friends
>she becomes my friend
LOOK HOW MUCH SHORTER THAT IS.