>"You don't want to go to church with me anon?"
>"Oh, okay, that's fine, I understand... I'll pray for you."
>"Oh, okay, that's fine, I understand... I'll pray for you."
>"I'll pray for you"
it's been years since I've gone to church, always wanted to go, but never really found the time for it.
Oh, see, I'd love to go with you, but I've been eaten by the comfortability of my couch.
And my lazy, self-centered assholery.
Honestly, why do you keep trying to make us happen? It's not like i'm good for your health or anything.
>"Hey Anon, this is usually the part where I come in and offer you a more enjoyable alternative that invariably leads to sex, but this time maybe you could leave Sunset and I alone so we can spend some 'quality time' together, just us girls? I mean... I guess you could stay and masturbate in the corner if you want, provided you keep quiet and don't make it weird."
Sorry, Sunny, but without me to lead the music, my own church would have absolutely no draw to attract new visitors, and old ones would leave. Maybe I can go with you on a special occasion, like a summer party. Your church has those, right?
Thanks Sunset, maybe you can come with me to mosque tomorrow.
And I quote:
Anonymous 03/05/15(Thu)18:10:13 No.22085327
>"You don't want to go to church with me, Anon?"
>"Oh, okay, that's fine, I understand... I'll pray for you."
...There's no church on (Thu) Thursdays! How does a girl named SUNSET not know about SUNDAY SERVICES?!
Sorry. I mean, I *could* go with you but it would be pretty disingenuous for me to sit and pay lip service to your heathen god.
Plus... you remember when you came to MY church and started freaking out when the Grand High Chanter fed those goats to the shoggoth in the pit? Well, that's how I feel about all the singing and collection plate passing that goes on at YOUR church.
Text me when service is over and I'll come take you to brunch though, okay?
Sunset, you literally transformed into a demon once. There's no way you're getting into heaven now.
>Anon, don't you remember that talk we had?
>About Sunset being "special"?
I'm not even religious, but church is pointless. All you need to do is praise the Lord and follow his word every day. Priests who make money off tithes will burn in hell, I guarantee it. Especially those mega churches in the bible belt.
My church uses all the tithe money that doesn't go toward maintaining the building to help out shut-ins and others in need. The pastor doesn't even keep any of the money either because he already has a huge house from a well-paying warehouse job.
>>22085893 is me
CAPTCHA: Select all beer below (how ironic)
I can respect a former bad girl's need to go as far the other way as she can, be the good girl who goes to church, but this is like watching a zebra trying to climb a tree to get away from the lions.
>Fuck why are you doing this, how beta are you.
"So about this Jesus fellow... Are you saying he can forgive me."
>Why are you doing this, you know the church is a lie but.
"Maybe I should go... Just this once"
Thing is, in most of their songs they're not explicitly 'Christian' as in referencing Jesus directly and preaching the gospel, but if you look at many of their songs (particularly Rebirthing and Hero) from a Christian perspective, it makes just as much sense, if not more.
A whole lot of Christian rock music is like that, where it's only Christian in the undertone. Look up "Christian Death Metal". I shit you not that's a thing.
>TFW own a bible
There is literally nothing that makes being pulled over go smoother than having a bible on the dashboard.
I actually heard a really heavy song while flipping through stations the other day. Only reason I realized it was gospel was that it referenced "his throne" during the chorus.
But I'm surprised Hero had that undertone. I thought it was one of those specifically made for some upcoming Marvel/DC movie. Like I could imagine it being played during the trailers/credits of Superman.
>Damn it, this is taking forever.
>Getting up to hug everyone felt awful until you got to hold her.
"I am so glad you could make it"
>Blushing you hug a little more then you should, but she makes no effort to let you go.
"Anon do you mind if I sit her. You look so alone by yourself"
>"As long as you don't mind god striking us both down."
>And you shovel the Spaghetti back in as her horrid face shows that she was not impressed.
>"I mean I should um"
>Time to lay it on the floor.
>"Sunset I am not a christian"
"Anon that's ok"
>She pets your head for a second.
"Preacher we have someone who want's to be saved."
>Sweat covers your face.
Dubs decides how Anon gets out of this mess.
>Dubs decides how Anon gets out of this mess
Yank up Sunset's shirt, then run up to the distracted priest and start shoveling Christchex in your mouth while farting uncontrollably. Run out of the church while screaming "Hail Satan!" and then accidentally put your car in drive and go through the wall.
Nigga, you can pick up a King James or Revised Standard in pretty much every single bookstore there is for as little as $10. Are you some kind of bible elitist who needs a Interlinear bound in real leather or something?
>You will never hold her in your arms as she gets drool all over your nice clothes
>You will never cry as she forgets your name on occasion
>You will never have to dress, clean, and feed her for the rest of your days
I don't know nigga
Might as well end it all right here and now
Wait, you mean you guys weren't being serious?
I know I said doubles but I like this one so much
>"I can't do this"
>Taking a deep breath you push and fart with all your might, filling the church.
>Screaming you never notice someone sneaking in behind you, nor do you see the collection plate bash you in the back of the head.
"Anon I'm sorry."
>Sunset takes the blindfold off of you and you see you are tied down to a chair.
"The preacher says once he forces the demon out I will have to watch over you day and night"
>Deciding to use all that Klingon you learned in your D&D
>" qaStaH nuq? Hab SoSlI' Quch!"
>Vomiting all over the floor adds a nice touch.
>"Sunset, please save me... I read that if you knew me... In a biblical way, your salvation would save me"
>"nuqDaq 'oH puchpa''e'
>"Hurry, I can't hold these demons back"
"Anon please... I can't it's not right"
>She looks in your eyes.
"To save your soul"
>She forces her lips on yours.
>Bound to a chair as Sunset dominates you in the hope of cleansing your immortal soul
>Kissing you with vomit still in your mouth
>She nearly vomits but manages to hold it back.
"Anon please don't make me do that again"
>Whimpering she pulls back.
>"Sunset I said you had to know me... not kiss me"
"That... That is adultry"
>She backs away.
>"No... Adultry is if we both had lov...Heghlu'meH QaQ jajvam"
"Anon, but... but"
>Sighing she slowly pulls down your pants.
"I... I don't know about this"
>You roll your eyes in the back of your head, nearly laughing as you fell her hand on your cock.
>"Fuck you slut, you cum guzzling whore"
>You turn on the water works, seeming upset.
>"I would never say that"
>Refusing to answer she just gets to work making you hard.
>Spitting in her hair, you realize you have a rare chance to treat her like trash.
>You feel her lips on your cock.
>"Suck it you bitch."
>She sucks harder massaging your balls.
"MISS SUNSET WHAT ARE YOU DOING"
>The preacher is standing over her.
"Get out you Scarlett, you are excommunicated from the church."
>He looks at you.
"Anon we are sorry for our... former student. This does not have to leave the church we hope"
evens decide it anon blackmails the church and if he goes after sunset.
Blackmail the church into letting Sunset back in.
That way, ery body losses.
(I like this, but a twist) >"Wait, sunset... I mean my wife did nothing wrong"
"Anon eww what are you"
>"Oh I known I was going to make it official, but they caught you and me getting kinky."
>The preacher gives you a strange look
>"I mean if we are married we didn't commit any sin correct"
>He leafs through the bible.
"Technically no but"
>You smile. "And Sunset's life is the church. You would do anything to stay a member right honey"
>She has a look of pure hate but nods.
"Yes dear I would 'Hate' that."
>"So Father would you marry us tomarrow"
"Anon we need to talk"
>You see the tears about to break.
"Oh Sunset I know you are so happy to finally tell the world."
>She grabs your hand tight.
"Yes Tell the world"
>Gritting her teeth you can feel her try to crush your hand.
>My first concert was a Skillet concert.
Not my first, but I remember a Skillet/Toby Mac concert in Valparaiso, Indiana. good times.
I just read it on my phone. I've not had use for a physical copy in a long time
You know we're in a Hell of a hiatus when a normal day at a Catholic church gets turned into a greentext
Funny thing is, it could be human Sunset anyway. I mean there is a human Twilight, maybe the human Sunset was a Born Again Christian who keeps hearing about this pony stuff and thinking it's demonic. She spent a week after the whole demon Sunset Fiasco thinking she had a vision of it, and went to a Church retreat to get purified. The whole events of the Pony Sunset have come to Human in her sleep and she is slowly going crazy, holding on to jesus tighter hoping the church can save her.
Flip the bird while quoting the imperial truth loudly also moonwalk out the door with a final "emperor protects" also while flipping the bird
>loyal servant to the emperor
>not immediately purging the heretics
Who let the loyalist faggots in here?
>You smile and say, "Thank you," as you close the door after wishing her a nice day.
>It's a little bit ironic, actually, that you used to go to the church she now goes to.
>When you were a child, that is; before you reached the age of reason.
>You mentally tip your inner fedora at your George Carlin reference.
>It wasn't bad, but when your mother died, your family just stopped going.
>Your father's new bride tried bringing you back in as well, but you had already moved out by then.
>As you sit in your chair and think, something about her words sticks with you.
>"I'll pray for you."
>You've never had anyone say that to you before.
>You know Sunset has really been trying to attone for what she did.
>She's developed a very guilty conscience.
>She also is very hot and bangable, if you do say so yourself.
>But if she continues down this road, she'll end up as one of those "marriage before sex" types...
>Or worse, a damned nun...
>You shudder inwardly.
>Can't have that.
>A plan springs to mind.
>You run outside and catch up to her, acting out of breath.
>She hears your panting and turns to see you.
>"Anon? What are you doing?"
"Sunset... I... I'm sorry, I... I wasn't thinking, I really do want to go to church... with you."
>The way her eyes light up is gorgeous, you must admit.
>"Really?! Oh, that's wonderful!"
>She throws you into a brief hug and looks into your eyes.
>"I knew you would come around eventually! You're going to love the service!"
"As long as I'm... with you..." you say with a smile, still fake-panting to maintain the illusion.
>She blushes and holds your hand.
>"I'll sit next to you and help you find all the passages and everything!"
>You make idle chat with her until you reach the church.
>It's just like how you remembered.
>After taking your seats, you bear through it.
>Church isn't impossible to sit through, it's just boring.
>But you smile and play along and hold her hand and sing the songs.
>You even put a tip in the basket for the hell of it.
>Hell of it.
>Anyway, when the time comes, you set the first stage of your plan into motion.
>The pastor is still the same old man from when you were a child.
>He's actually happy to see you when you walk by him.
>You slip into one of the back hallways when Sunset is not looking, heading towards the bathroom.
>But there's something else here.
>A door, that in your childhood, you remember was never locked.
>You find it in an empty storeroom and test it.
>Sure enough, they never updated it.
>Your plan can now continue.
>You walk Sunset home.
>All the while, she talks about how beautiful the ceremony was, and you agree with her.
>Nodding and smiling, just nodding and smiling.
>When you reach her home, she faces you and blushes.
>"I really liked having you there, Anon... I hope we can make a... a r-regular thing out of this..."
>You smile and take her hands.
"Sunset, it would be my privilege."
>You lean down and kiss one of her hands very gentlemenly-like and walk away, leaving her blushing as red as her hair.
>Stage 1: complete.
>That night, you wear your best night disguise and gather up your supplies.
>You make the journey across town in back alleys and empty parking lots.
>You approach the church and slip in through the unlocked door (wearing gloves to avoid leaving fingerprints).
>Standing at the heart of the building, you feel a thrill you haven't felt in years.
>You take out several water bottles from your jacket.
>Filled with gasoline.
>You spread it around the podium, the cross, the tables with the candles.
>Lastly, you make a big smiley face in the carpet.
>The good thing about this is that the bottles melt with the fire and are easy to conceal on your person en route to your target.
>You take out your lighter and get this pyre going.
>You quickly leave after igniting all the piles of gasoline, non-chalantly strolling through town, taking the long way home, nice and calm.
>Inside, you feel the rush burning within, but you don't lose your cool.
>After all, the famed "Canterlot Arsonist" wouldn't have gone so long uncaught if he actually acted like the madman the papers made him out to be.
>You make it home, sneaking in through the back and sit in your chair and smile.
>Stage 2: complete.