Previous Thread:(archive link: https://desustorage.org/mlp/thread/25017307/)
New pastebin edition!
>What is this thread about?
This thread is dedicated to stories that have clear dominate and submissive roles; both with and without consent.
>What exactly is welcome in this thread?
A wide variety of stories are welcomed here; from non-consent and sexual slavery, to abusive manipulation and psychological domination, to maids and extortion, and even healthy consensual relationships with BDSM role-play elements. Most stories involve Anon, as well as sexual acts, although neither is required. Both maledom and femdom are welcome.
A few topics that are discouraged are gore, vore, scat, and other similar themes.
Anon Caught a Big One
Aria made it back to Equestria on her own. Unfortunately, a giant magicless fish monster is no match for the local human.
New Pastebin list of all stories on SiM with links: http://pastebin.com/f8f09HB4
Old Pastebin: http://pastebin.com/778zgnJ5
>SiM wiki page:
Don't think you have what it takes to write a long greentext? Go here and fill in the pages!
>The current priority is updating the Archive Links.
This thread was originally founded to support the “Submission is Mandatory” story by MrNameless. While the story has gone on hiatus, it’s content is referred to by a number of stories in this thread.
Submission is Mandatory by MrNameless
Nightmare Moon summons Anon to defeat the EoH. In return, she grants him ownership of the Mane 6.
(Non-Canon SiM Expanded Universe Stories)
http://pastebin.com/Y2AahdQp (Octavia POV) (Recommended)
http://pastebin.com/3AFdqxvs (Other Stories)
>That featured story.
Please remember to treat your pets with the love and care they deserve.
Favorite quick stories in paste in?
Yeah, 'love and care'. That's exactly what I'll be giving them, sure...
>Luna became NMM becuase celestia was abusing her
>after she is cleansed by the elements, she barely remembers anything.
>after acting independent of Celestia one too many times, she determines to fix this
No, Anon. Please be nice to them just as they have been obedient to you.
And what if they weren't obedient? How will they learn their place if you don't spank them for their misbehavior?
>Unicorns have magic
>Pegasus have flight
>Earth Ponies have booty
Earth Pony master race
>Equestria comes to Earth and enslaves all countries that aren't America
>United States says it's their freedom to do it
>American-Equestria alliance formed on the backs of non-americans
>America goes to Equestria, helps enslaves non-ponies
>Freedums and horsepussy abound
my god, I love these inkie images so much. Ever since I first started clopping I've always admired these. The fantasy of silently assaulting an emo depressed young little pony in their bed. Completely defenseless and too sad and scared to utter a yelp for help. Pushing my arms and hands within her hoodie from underneath and behind, holding her chest as I hug her towards me. Or playing around with her leach that she thought she were going to be able to enjoy alone tonight. Slowly entering her and getting into a steady rhythm, with plenty of time to study all the little feelings she tries so valiantly not to express whenever I look at her.
why can't ponies be real
Stay mad, yurocuck.
If the slavery of non-americans means more freedom, you can look over the slavery because freedom.
>make ponies real
>"Why have you created us, what is the meaning of our existence?"
"Well... uhhh... I made you real so that fans of some cartoon could have sex with you."
>all ponies kill themselves unable to deal with the reason for their existence
>decide to never make ponies real again
>answers their prayers, make ponies real
>ponies gets used as adult entertainment
>no pony is free, all contained within the rule of man
Alright Anons, let's be honest everyone. If your pony was real and knew exactly what kind of person you are and all of your plans. Would she rather spend the rest of her life living with you, or would she rather die before you had the chance to do whatever you were planning to do to her?
She'd be fine. I'm beta as fuck in real life
hey, least I admit it.
Better to live a cuddly pet life with the occasional ass rape than be dead cold in the ground I say.
She'd stay with me because she'd know that my plan is to teach her to like everything I'm gonna do to her.
I also don't think she'd end herself. In contrast to the other anon, though, not because she would ever expect to ever enjoy it, but because Celestia strikes me as a planner who would view the potential of eventual escape and taking me down as worth the cost of suffering for a time.
That's still assuming a certain degree of fantasy, though. If she was real-real, then she'd definitely not kill herself because I can actually differentiate between fantasy and reality, and what is not okay to do in the latter.
Another doodle of old-school Inkie, so to speak. Bonus: http://imgur.com/a/c9jNg
Here's a full homage to it with appropriate colors and all, I just couldn't leave it bare: http://imgur.com/a/WdFrJ
this is terrible, nobody in our country of cowboys even actually knows how to raise horses either. good thing mlp ponies are shown to be different in ways that would make it less potato. normal horses only sleep for 2 hours a day and yet have to sit in a closed stall for 6-10. some fuckheads even leave them in there during the day. nobody would treat their dog this way, but they;d do it to a horse.
Why would SHE rather die? I'm the one who'd be on the end of the leash.
>and knew exactly what kind of person you are and all of your plans.
>would she rather die before you had the chance to do whatever you were planning to do to her?
I just want them to be real.
Also between Twi and Dash who would Dom the other?
>Implying they cannot enter into a consensual relationship like that
It could really go both ways, Dash would probably be more of the (nominally) submissive one, but I could see her leading from the bottom as Twilight gets more comfortable with domming... or being a bitchier sub who constantly tests her limits. After all, everything seems to be a constant competition with her.
Dash is definately the sub, because shes definately the one whos going to say something and go in over her head and twilight is going to wind up on top by virtue of being less potato. I picture twilight being the beginner dom, whom gets into hyjinks from dash's behavior but mostly tries to do things from an experimental standpoint from the book. she ends up being good at it because she is determined and more than a little obsessive enough to keep going long past the point of reason.
Twilight reads book about fascinations of psychology.
Dash flies in and makes stupid comment, asks what egg head is up to
Twilight explains she's learning how to understand and control the human mind
Dash boasts that such tricks would never work on someone as awesome as her.
And snowball, meet hill.
My apologies on not dropping Bluebird yesterday as I promised. Allow me to make up for it by doing it today.
> There's no immediate response; checking that the autopilot is set for the next few maneuvers, you twist over to try and lay eyes on your passenger.
"You can open your eyes now, Dash. The engines are off now; the worst is over."
> The mare had curled into the couch-like seat she had been strapped to - ears flat down against her head and eyes squeezed tightly shut.
> If not for the straps holding her limbs carefully folded against her sides, you rather suspect they'd be clutched around her helmet in an attempt shut out memories of the awesome acceleration she'd been experiencing moments earlier.
> Even with how stiff Dash was, you could see her sides heaving softly as she sucked in short, shallow breaths.
> While Rarity worked on gaining you the freedom you so desperately needed, you'd decided to give Dash the reward you'd promised her.
> Now you just had to ensure that the process of getting there did not cause Dash to panic so badly it ruined said reward.
> Gently, reassuringly you give her withers a squeeze around the harness that strapped her securely into the seat.
"Breath, Dash. It's over."
> Her voice cracks sharply; through the faceplate you can see Dash struggle to lick her lips and try again.
> "I don't feel so good."
"It's the weightlessness. Breath deeply and try to relax; you'll feel better soon enough."
> "Weight... lessness? Everything feels wrong. Everything's up! Why does it feel so wrong?!"
> Steadily you increase the pressure on her back, fingers digging in ever so slightly.
> You knew the signs of a familiar panic building in her - the irrationality of what her body was telling her dueling with what she thought she knew for certain.
> You'd forced such panics to occur often enough, after all.
> Now would not be a good time for her to suffer a breakdown, though.
"I'll show you, but you need to take some deep breaths first and calm down. Understand? Focus on me and slow down your breathing."
> At last - with a great deal more coaxing and reassurances - she manages to bring her breathing to a manageable rate.
> It's helped by when you finally remove the helmet fixed around her head.
> A bulky, constricting thing but absolutely necessary.
> No chance of getting a simple breathing mask like your own on her - not after what you'd done with the last such mask.
> Once the helmet is off and she can breathe freely again, though, Dash calms considerably.
> She's still clinging to the seat for dear life and her eyes are squeezed as tightly closed as they can be, but at least she is no longer at risk of hyperventilating.
"Alright. Can you be a little daring for me, Dash?"
> She swallows heavily, but you've never known Dash to back down from a challenge like that.
> Not without trying, anyhow.
> "Yeah, I - yeah."
"Then lift your head up a little bit and open your eyes."
> Twice her head bobs up only to slam back to the chair a moment later.
> On the third try she manages it, head stiffly rising to its normal, raised position.
> And then she opens her eyes, freezing once more but for an entirely new reason.
> For a moment you think that, in a sudden reversal, Dash had forgotten completely to breath at all as her mouth hangs open in awe of the sight before her.
> Fully a third of the main screen was occupied by the mottled curve of the planet, seeming to hang impossibly above you.
> Blue, green, brown, and white roll by; clouds like wavy lines of sand meet the vast blue expanse of an ocean.
> Dash was transfixed, having completely forgotten her earlier motion sickness.
> For that matter she didn't even seem to think of questioning whether it was safe, though that was somewhat less surprising given her daredevil nature.
> She hadn't even been that perturbed when you'd first told her both of you were going to be taking a trip on a flying vessel.
> Perhaps it had been a mercy that the last time she'd been aboard one - after you were attacked by the Elements and fled from Canterlot - Dash had been utterly unconscious.
> That had saved her any traumatic memories of prior trips.
> Convincing her to come with you down into the sub-basement levels had been a different story.
> Memories of the punishment inflicted for her last expedition into those levels were still strong, and even with your assurances she hesitated sharply.
> How ironic it had been that this time, you were taking her to see the very thing you'd been terrified of her discovering before.
> When you had finally coaxed her into joining you, inquisitiveness rapidly overtook any concern.
> With an almost childlike curiosity Dash had paused to gape at the machines working ceaselessly away in the underworks you had ordered constructed.
> Leading her into the underground hangar - the shuttle already awaiting you, having been drawn out to the main door and prepared - threw her into a near-gallop as she raced to inspect it from every angle she could.
> Once aboard she'd pointedly pretended to be unimpressed with the transport's performance, pointedly shrugging off any mention of your speed or altitude.
> You weren't quite sure of why - some residual anger at her clipped wings, maybe, or just disliking being outperformed by a machine.
> But you'd caught her sneaking glances the viewscreens nonetheless, boggling at the shrinking forms of clouds passing beneath.
> It was plenty clear how she actually felt.
> That'd all changed when you kicked in the ascent engines, though; despite your warning the sudden, enormous acceleration hadn't sat well with Dash one bit.
> Another bit of instinct, maybe - a dislike for being under uncontrolled, sudden motion?
> Certainly understandable; to most pegasi, feeling something like that would be a sign that they were being tossed about in a storm.
> But now...
> Now, with the engines off again and the planet hanging above your heads, Dash's fear has vanished once more.
> In its place has come wonderment; she seems to drink in the sight of clouds scuttling by beneath her at what seems to be impossible speed.
> Long minutes pass before Dash gathers herself enough to speak again:
> "We're really that far up? No tricks? Not one of your screen things?"
> Despite her wonder, there's still a note of hesitance or suspicion in her voice.
> A disbelief that you could actually give her a experience like this.
"No tricks. We're reaching orbit around the planet now."
> Smiling, you reach up to scratch between her ears.
"Didn't I promise to make you the fastest pegasus ever alive? I guarantee you: No pony has ever flown like this before."
> "I... don't think this really counts. Kinda cheating. But, still - thank you."
> She actually means it, you can tell; the distant and thoughtful tone of her voice told you her words are not merely a pleasantry.
> A gentle silence holds in the wake of that statement.
> Within its grasp you are not a master, nor Dash your slave.
> Just two souls, mutually admiring the majesty before you as the planet seems to slip away.
> Dash's questioning voice drags you from the reverie, but you can't quite be angry with her.
> "What's that little moving light? Right near the planet?"
"Ah, there she is. You'll be seeing soon enough, Dash."
> Said dot was growing now; Dash's mouth falls progressively further open as it begins to fill the screens, eclipsing much of the star-shot sky beyond.
> Increasing detail became visible, a never-ending torrent of wonder for Dash's eyes:
> The curving, pointed prow, trough-like heatshield plates behind it, the blocky segments of the cargo pods and angular, jagged radiator fins.
> Residual glow radiated from the engine tubes as they dumped the last of the energy from the maneuvers that had made to meet you here.
> Amazement touches Dash's voice.
> "Is that... where you...?"
"Yes, Dash. That's how I came here."
> A shudder runs through the shuttle as its own engines kick in with a muted, distant hum - slowing you to match orbits with the larger vessel as you pulled closest to it.
> Dash seems to have utterly forgotten her earlier sickness, craning her head all about to take in the sight.
> "That's so - so incredibly, unimaginably, amazingly cool!"
> Her eyes are alight with curiosity, vibrant and sharp in contrast to how dull and distant they'd seemed for so long; you can't help but chuckle softly.
> It crosses your mind what an unexpected change it was that you could show her this.
> Not a few months ago, she had thrown herself at you in the hope you would end her life with a pistol's shot.
> Now, you were entrusting her with your closest secrets.
> A voice in the back of your head is still warning of how terrible a mistake this would be, that Dash could accidentally reveal it in a moment of impetuousness.
> That is subsumed, however, by the memories of Dash helping you - not merely doing what had to be done, but pushing herself to go beyond that and aid you.
> No - this, you could show.
"My ship. She's called 'Obstinacy' - a rapid armed transport. Thirty years I slaved to buy her. Quit the Megacorps' shit right then, and got into my own business for my own good."
> "You were a slave?"
"Not exactly. I wasn't owned or forced to work, but the Megas will stomp you down and squeeze as hard they can, wring every bit of value from you if you let them. Leave you barely enough to buy anything with."
> After a second you add:
"I put my head down, hid away what little profit I could make working for them, and saved up for a hull of my own."
> Dash nods jerkily.
> "I... get that, yeah. You don't want somepo-one else to be taking away what you achieved."
> You grin internally; who'd have thought that you could get Dash to actually sympathize with you?
> Then again, this moment was so far out of the norm of her normal misery...
"Mmm. The 'Obstinance' helped with that a lot. Did high-value cargo runs, the kind of things where you want to be able to defend yourself. Hence the 'armed' freighter part."
> Her gaze is transferred back to the starship floating beyond.
> "So. Cool."
"Yes. She really is 'cool'..."
> Out of the corner of your eye you can see Dash's head swivel, perhaps caught by something in the tone of your voice.
> After a moment of studying you, she speaks up more cautiously.
> "You're looking kind of... sad? I didn't say anything, did-"
"She's dying, Dash."
> Your statement drags the pegasus to a screeching halt, her face caught mid-expression as the idea is processed through her brain.
> "Dying? How?!"
> Considering for a moment on how to explain this, you decide to start at the beginning.
"When we use our FTL drives - our machines - to travel between planets, sometimes things go... wrong. Usually the ship arrives in the right place - in pieces. I arrived whole, in a very wrong place."
> Shrugging lightly you point to the rear section of the vessel, where a neat hole had been carved into the hull to expose the ragged machinery beyond it.
"FTL's slag, though, and it'd take millennia to crawl back home without it. The short-range unit on this shuttle just isn't up to the task."
> "Can your machines, y'know, just - rebuild it?"
> A pained grimace flickers across your face.
"If they had the resources to. They don't, though - I can re-fabricate the damaged systems, but I need additional raw materials. I've had to carve bits off of just to construct the machinery down on Equestria."
> "So buy-"
"Can't. Equestria only produces a fraction of what I need - I can't even get any high grade moly-steel, let alone some of the trickier elements like Tungsten or Tantalum. Ponies simply don't produce them in volume; I'd have to locate and refine the raw materials myself."
> Leaning back in your seat, you let another bitter touch caress your lips.
"And guess what your princesses are never, ever going to let me do. While they're 'protecting their ponies', 'Obstinance' is going longer and longer without repairs. Other things are going to start breaking down too; eventually no repairs I can do here will save her."
> Dash is quiet for a long time after that, her gaze is still fixed on the viewscreens - the hull having long since eclipsed the sky and much of the planet as well.
"I need somewhere on the surface to land her and do proper repairs. I couldn't get that before, though, and certainly not now."
> You can see the gears in her head turning silently as she turns the thought over in her mind.
> Not until the distant, grinding rumble of docking clamps engaging runs through the shuttle is she drawn back to reality - nervousness returning to her posture.
> A sharp, questioning glance up to you draws a shake of your head.
"It's okay; that's normal."
> Slapping to the center of your harness releases it; you drift up out of your seat and twist to face Dash again.
"Alright. We're mostly up here for supplies, but this is what I really wanted to do for you."
"I'm going to release your harness. When I do, just relax your legs and push off slowly. The cockpit's shut down, but I don't want you bumping your head into anything."
> "Okay; I'm ready."
> Reaching out, you take a hold of her collar with one hand and undo the harness with the second.
> Instantly Dash's eyes grow wide and ears flatten as she lifts free of the flight couch, but amazingly she manages to keep herself just calm enough to not lash out.
"Easy, Dash. Easy. Let me pull you to me."
> The moment you're within range, she latches onto your chest with all four legs around your torso in a tight grip.
> Pressed against you as she is, you're quite able to feel her heart hammering away.
"There, you're good now. Just keep holding on to me while I move us through."
> "Sorry! I - wasn't expecting it."
> She goes quiet as you push off again, drifting backwards through the shuttle's cabin.
> Navigating through the shuttle to the docking hatch has the opposite effect on Dash you'd have expected - she actually seems to calm somewhat.
> Each breath grows deeper, pupils returning to a more normal size and legs unlocking slightly from their deathgrip on you.
> You, on the other hand, are having a bit more trouble.
> Dash's weight had unbalanced your reflexes for moving without gravity's pull.
> As you make your way into 'Obstinance's hull and up towards the habitation section, more than once you arrive against a wall at the wrong angle or somewhat harder than you'd intended.
> In between grunted impacts, you look down to the pegasus - now peering around much more animatedly as you pass through corridors.
> Spotting your gaze, she ducks her head again and murmurs something.
"You were going to say something, Dash?"
> "Sorry, I... It..."
> Something inaudible is murmured into your shirt.
> "...it feels kinda like flying."
> The words are still spoken softly.
> Not out of fear or unpleasantness, but as if she was afraid you'd steal this one valuable thing from her if you knew of it.
> Instead all it does is draw a small laugh from your throat.
"I suspected it might. You're adapting to it much faster than I expected, though. Don't worry - we've got a while yet."
> Lifting her head from your shirt, Dash fixes you with wide, hopeful eyes.
"Absolutely. Remember, I've done this plenty of times before. I knew what would be coming."
> Hooking yourself on a passing hatchway, you peel Dash from your chest and turn her to face the long corridor.
"Here. Just use your wings to aim yourself - don't try beating them. I'll give you a push off."
> Twin spans of ruined feathers unfold and hold themselves stiff from her sides.
> Moments later Dash is coasting down the tube from your shove with a nervous cry that grows into a laugh.
> Her first landing is anything but graceful; despite your order, Dash tries to beat her wings and promptly ends in a head-over-tail tumble that collides her into the nearest tube wall.
> The second attempt is little better.
> By the tenth time, however, Dash seems to have gotten the basic hang of it.
> What feathers remain are spread and held loosely as though gliding; she also rapidly gets the hang of using her legs to turn herself.
> "Yeah - yeah, I get this! This is fun!"
> Reaching the far end, Dash manages a solid two-hoof landing against the wall.
> Rather than wait for you to reach her again, she instead pushes off again with an excited whoop to head down the next corridor.
> This time, she's able to use her wings to add a fanciful twirl to her motion in the gravity-less environment.
> "Look! See, I get it!"
"Dash, wait! That's into the habitation section, if you head that way, you'll hit-"
> The last of her multihued tail vanishes around the corner - and moments later, a thud and an awkward-sounding squawk issues from somewhere beyond.
> Turning the corner yourself, you carefully tuck your feet beneath you so that when the deck rises up to meet them, you land deftly and take another two steps forward to Dash's side.
> She had not landed so softly, and is rubbing her muzzle ruefully; kneeling beside her, you put a hand on her collar.
"...if you head this way, you'll hit the artificial gravity before you're ready. Don't run away from me in here, Dash; just because you're not on a leash doesn't mean it's perfectly safe."
> Rubbing the side of her head ruefully, Dash nods.
> "Got it, master."
> Fortunately, Dash was content to experiment with 'flying' in the weightless segments while you oversaw the exchange of cargo between the 'Obstinance' and the shuttle.
> She seemed to be taking a reward of this scale with an appropriate degree of metaphorical weight.
> Undoubtedly some of it was due to an awareness of how quickly you could take such a gift away from her.
> But mostly, you thought, it was an honest awareness of how much trust you were placing in her and an equally honest attempt to display thanks for that.
> Certainly she was enjoying the experience - more than once you had checked in to find the mare happily drifting through the corridors, whooping and laughing as she'd gotten the hang of zero-G maneuvering.
> Even if it wasn't anywhere near the same as true flight, literally rebounding off the hallways in increasingly complex maneuvers seemed to be close enough to reawaken the mare's dormant love of flight.
> By the time you finish up the most of your duties and come to visit her again, however, it seemed quieter proclivities had taken over.
> Instead of soaring about, you find Dash positioned in front of a larger observation window.
> She'd apparently given up trying to keep herself hooked on one of the tube walls, instead just drifting quietly as her gaze held on the planet turning beneath you.
> Deafened by her own thoughts as much by the continuous, distant hum of circulation pumps Dash hadn't heard you approaching.
> You're able to watch her float in silence for some time before the mare catches a glimpse of you from the corner of her eye.
> "Oh! Hey, master."
> Wings and legs twitching, she struggles for a moment before righting herself to face you - the effort causing Dash to scrunch her face in concentration and you to grin at the sight.
"Thinking about something, Dash?"
> Kicking your legs out, you snag her with one hand and draw the mare in against your body.
> She struggles for a moment - at least until your arms tighten around her barrel and demonstrate that she was going nowhere.
> Instead of protesting your hold or answering the question, Dash twists back around to look out the window again.
> "Can I ask you something, master?"
> "If you had the materials and stuff to fix this... what would you do?"
"Leave. I would repair the drive, and go home."
> There's an iron certainty in your voice, a quickness in your answer that displays the surety of your reply.
> A small grin touches your lips as your answer meanders on.
"Take a few basic magical trinkets with me, just to sell and watch people tear their hair out trying to figure out. Come back, eventually - this place is a bounty waiting to be harvested, and I may as well get something out of it to make up for being stranded here. First go home, though."
> Pausing, you lightly shove off from a wall you'd glided into and halt yourself in front of the window again.
"But, that's not what you were asking, was it?"
> "No. I guess, I wanted to know..."
> Dash squirms a little bit, but eventually forces the words out.
> "...if you were going to go after my fr- ... after the others. If you could go home."
"No. I won't ever be friendly with them, but I'm not up for pursuing vengeance; there's no gain in violence like that. I'm content for the princesses to stop trying to put their noses into my life, my business, and my damn ship."
> "I didn't even know about the ship. When I came after you - Celestia just said you had turned from peaceful business, that you were driving the Griffons to war with new weapons. And we had to stop you."
> Tilting your head down, you finally meet Dash's gaze.
"You're seriously telling me that Celestia and Luna never told you what this is all about?"
> Screwing up her muzzle, Dash shrugs as best she's able to, still strapped into the couchlike seat.
> "Twilight mighta known, but... no, just that bit about that driving the griffons to war."
"They would have said that."
> You rub your forhead, sighing heavily.
"I was selling the griffons weapons, in return for access to ores within their territories. Nothing too destructive - a few artillery pieces, enough to give even dragon raiders pause."
> Dash makes a surprised noise, eyes going wide again.
> "That's 'not too destructive'? I couldn't even touch a dragon, and I was the awesomest pony ever!"
"Compared to what I have aboard this ship? No. They're nothing; the kind of thing my species used before we started living in space."
> A thin, cold grin touches your lips as you explain.
"The things I have up here are enough to put holes in cities, but I'm not selling those."
> Bitterness is rising in your voice again, your tone growing hard.
"Even so, Celestia and Luna decided it was 'too much', that I was encouraging the griffons to go to war. I did no such thing - what they do with them is their business. If they were already inclined to wards violence, my weapons would not change that."
> "So they sent us after you."
"Yes. Those two - they're like the big corporates back home: Perfectly happy with the status quo of being on top, and crushing anyone who threatens it. First they tried to tell me how to run my business, then told me I either had to give up my means to create the weapons - the same machines I use to repair 'Obstinance' - or be viewed as a threat. I'd have been perfectly willing to sell to them too, but they weren't interested."
> Again Dash's lips part, mouth holding soundlessly open as she gets her thought in line.
> "But - if you're not pushing vengeance, what about me?"
> The sheer bluntness of Dash's reply sends you hesitating for a few moments - long enough for her to go on.
> Her imprisonment wasn't a topic she liked to speak on.
> "I get it, you've told me before - I'm your... slave-"
> It takes a brief pause to get the word out of her mouth, but Dash manages.
> "-because I actually attacked you first. But... where does it end? If you go home - do I go too? Or can I... leave?"
> Your mind is in motion, but already you have hesitated too long.
> A simple reassuring answer that she could leave - a lie - would be obvious now.
> Desperate for a bit of time, you let a counter question spill from your lips:
"Would you want to go, Dash?"
> "Master - please."
> Pulling free of your grip with a sudden shove of her legs, Dash manages to twist about and float up to roughly face you.
> "Not - no games, master. Please, just give me an answer. If you are able to leave... what happens to me?"
> The distant hum and rumble of equipment seems to have grown impossibly loud in your ears.
> It's more than obvious that this was a critical moment for Dash - that your answer would have a great effect on her.
> In truth there'd been no real plans to let her go.
> Then again, the way repairs were going you had barely enough materials to bring replacement parts up on the shuttle and keep the larger vessel functional.
> 'Going back' had always been years, maybe decades down the line.
> No time to think of a clever escape.
> You'll just have to be honest.
"I don't know."
> Giving an answer - any answer at all - lifts a weight from your chest.
> The next words seem to spill from your lips, like air rushing out.
> "If you'd thought of me that way... you wouldn't take that from anypony else. You'd know how much it sucks to lose that freedom."
> Chuckling softly, you lift one hand to scratch beneath her chin.
"On the contrary, Dash. That only makes it poetic: Celestia tried to use you to take my wings permanently; it's only fair that I take your flight. At least it can grow back with your feathers; mine only rots away further."
> The wince and shudder that runs through Dash is easy to feel clutched against you as she is.
> But you do not comment further and neither does Dash, vision on the distant land passing beneath and mind apparently even farther away.
> Slowly you let go of all other thoughts, focusing down on yourself and the mare pressed against your chest.
> Everything else - the gentle hum, whirr, and rumble of equipment, the slight movements you use to keep both of you in front of the window - fall into the background.
> Eventually even the lighting shuts off, so little are you moving.
> You can feel Dash's heart beating, with your arms wrapped around your chest.
> It's slowed as yours has, fallen to a steady thud-thud that tells you she is fixated on the moment just as much as you are.
> As if her eyes didn't show enough - Dash is barely blinking, so transfixed is she on the planet passing below.
> Nevermind that her thoughts seemed to be somewhere even further afield
"It is beautiful, isn't it?"
> "Yeah. Not like /really/ flying, but yeah. Really, really cool."
> A little hesitation, then she gathers herself to push onward:
> "And - you're right. It's still not fair to you. My feathers can grow back - are growing back. Yours aren't."
> Witb the next words she seems to struggle even more, but eventually forces them out:
> "I'll... help. I know you can't really trust me, but I'll still try and help you go back."
"You say I can't trust you, but consider the degree of trust I am placing in you right now. The armament on this ship is what keeps Celestia from throwing me in a dungeon for long, long time, and I've shown you all of it."
> "I... guess."
> Rubbing one foreleg with the other's hoof, Dash grimaces.
> "I guess... I dunno. Yeah, I want to fly again, and even after all you did to me I shouldn't want to help you. But, if you fix this... maybe it'll set things right."
"Well. I will-"
> You pause, considering your next words carefully.
"-take it into consideration. Just remember, though, Dash:"
> A hand slips up beneath her chin, cupping her neck just behind the jaw and pressing down just enough to be very definitely felt.
"You belong to me entirely now. You don't get to negotiate - if you help, things might be fixed. But they might not, and either way the decision on what to do with you is mine."
> Her head has rolled back in a futile attempt to escape your grip, your opposite arm still holding her back pinned to your belly.
> Swallowing sharply, Dash still manages a tiny nod.
> "I understand... master."
> With that said, your hand curls around from its place at her throat to stroke through her mane; a far less unpleasant display of dominance, but one Dash undoubtedly feels nonetheless.
> Any further conversation is preempted by a sharp, sudden buzzing that emanates from one of your pockets.
> That pattern - a call from one of your agents?
> Partially releasing Dash, you pull the comppad from your pocket and examine the screen for the identity of your caller.
> Lights flicker on as you do, bringing with them the return of all the little reminders of the outside world.
> Immediately your face darkens; Dash - who'd twisted around in the moment to fix one eye on you, flinches slightly.
> "What is it?"
> Instead of answering, you switch the audio feed open - and audio only.
> Before you can even speak, a sing-song yet jarringly-toned voice fills the cabin.
> "I know something you don't!"
> The swarm-queen gives an annoyingly giddy giggle, a noise that sets your teeth on edge and causes Dash's ears to drop flat to her head.
"I'll have to apologize for being voice-only right now. I'm somewhat busy at the moment."
> "Oh, that's quite alright, Anonymous. I'll be happy to just talk with you."
> Perhaps it is a good thing she cannot see you - the scowl her tone brings to your face isn't one you'd let her see.
"Judging by that introduction - you're hoping to trade information for Chissik's return to your control, I expect?"
> "Well, if you're going to be so direct about it..."
> Now a slight smile does touch your lips instead - you'd managed to get under her skin (or carapace) after all.
"Alright. Lay it out."
> "Uh-uh-uh. I'm not letting you lead me around, Anonymous. I want your word - your oath - that Chissik will be mine again."
> Snorting gently, you shake your head despite Dash being the only one who could see it.
"I trust you about as much as you trust me, Chrysalis. The location of Celestia's secret cake stash has no value to me."
> "Oh, no. Not at all. This - this, you'll want to hear."
"Give me the hook, and I'll be the judge of how much it's worth."
> "Fine - if you're going to be that way."
> Her tone has taken on a self-righteous huff there, but it quickly sinks back to its old, amused timbre again:
> "Twilight Sparkle is missing."
New pastebin: http://pastebin.com/HqSDtfHB
This scene is actually one that I've had the basic skeleton of laying around for ages - as far back as I started writing Bluebird with a proper story, really. My concern is that it's too much of an info dump at once, and that while I dropped a bunch of hints as to what exactly Anonymous' problem is, it might still seem too sudden.
So, have at it. Feedback/criticism/etc appreciated.
I think there's a paragraph missing somewhere between:
"I don't know."
> "If you'd thought of me that way... you wouldn't take that from anypony else. You'd know how much it sucks to lose that freedom."
Beautiful. Exactly the kind of info dump that I was hoping for ever since... the first time we saw Celestia, I guess?
Space is beautiful and I think that you encapsulated that dreamy feel of wonder it perfectly. Dash felt very natural. Fear, wonder, peace, uncertainty... it all just felt so... right.
I'm still not sure if the part pointed out by >>25230441 is really the whole thing. But generally, I understand Anon's doubt about what was the right answer. On one hand, Anon wants to leave and go home, kinda like RD. On the other hand, he promised Dash that he'd never leave her. There was no right answer in that situation.
You managed to make both Celestia and Anon to Look like assholes. Anon was like "I didn't kill anyone I just found the most bloodthirsty group on the planet and sold them weapons!" While Clestia was like "Get out of my planet! No, you can' fix your ride first!". You made a good job of not making the whole thing feel one sided. But while I expected to root for both of them, now I want both of them to get punched in the face. It's not a bad thing, I'm just pointing it out.
The domination thing at the end, eeeeh. I'm not gonna tell you not put D/s elements to a D/s story, but the whole thing felt kind of unnecessary. Did Anon feel insecure about Dash still seeing him as her master and not as her friend? I feel like hugging her instead of holding her by her neck would feel a lot better.
>Thirty years I slaved to buy her.
Damn, Anon's old!
I like this. I can't quite put into words why, but so much of the story has been mysterious and vague, it's nice to finally have some real concrete footings to stand on. We don't entirely know Anons plans, but we at least know how and why he's here and what he's trying to actually do.
>weapons dealer anon
Love it. Specifically I love that it doesn't make Anon completely innocent (you know.. besides the whole enslavement and torture of dash thing..). Celestia wasn't entirely in the right either, but at least she had good reason. Anons thin justification of it felt realistic and re-enforced his "not a good guy" character.
>dash anon interaction
Was good as usual. No real complaints or suggestions.
>reminder of who's in-charge
As >>25231307 said, this goes entirely against how I'd handle the situation in Anon's place, but then I'd probably have let Dash go way back when she dropped that "actually I do" line. It's good to have these kind of reminders that Anon isn't really a good guy here despite occasionally showing kindness.
Motherfucker, there absolutely is. About 1.5 posts' worth, I don't know how it went missing.
I can either re-dump from that point - it's not too far back - or just put the missing bits in a post now. Thoughts?
Okay. I'm actually pissed I left these out, since they contain (in my opinion) the most critical exchange of this section.
Split occurs in the middle of >>25230183 - beginning at "I don't know." and ending at "Oh?"
"I don't know."
> Giving an answer - any answer at all - lifts a weight from your chest.
> The next words seem to spill from your lips, like air rushing out.
"I don't know. It would depend on how things played out - whether I wrench what I need from the princesses' grasp or if they back off. How long they wait, and how damaged the 'Obstinance' becomes as a result."
> After a thought you add:
"I won't be abandoning you, if you want to come - or leaving without something to make up for what they did to my ship. She means a lot to me."
> Dash's ears have fallen as you speak, and as you finish a sigh escapes her lips.
> "I... okay."
> How much of what you said is true, even you yourself are not quite certain of.
> To your surprise though, Dash suddenly propels herself back down to lock her limbs against your chest again.
> When she does not depart a few moments later, you slip your arms around her - still slightly shocked at her sudden embrace.
> Sure, Dash had become clingy before, but usually only after moments of stark emotional turmoil - like, when she had been severely punished.
"What's brought this on, Dash?"
> "Being up here. I..."
> She pauses, ears flicking as she tries to string together words.
> "...I get it. You... caring about this ship so much. Being so attached to it."
> This time there is no immediate response, but you do not push her:
> The gears turning in Dash's brain are utterly obvious to anyone, let alone someone who's been observing her for as long as you have.
> "Yeah. So, I started thinking, we're going to have to head back down soon, right?"
"Yes. A couple more hours; come nightfall, the ship's going back to an orbit that will hide it from Equestria or it'll be visible at night. We leave before then."
> The way Dash nods you get the feeling she doesn't quite understand all of that - or how startlingly visible something the size of your vessel could be from the surface - but she goes on anyway.
> "So, I was thinking... it's going to suck going back to not being able to fly. But then I thought... every time you come up here, it's just like that for you."
> Wriggling around in your grip, she twists until her back is pressed against your belly.
> From that position, one blue-coated hoof extends to tap the window lightly.
> "Every time you come up here, you look back down and it's like being... /that/ close to going home again, but you still can't and you have to come back down too."
"That's... not entirely wrong, I admit."
> "So then I'm thinking... how uncool is that for you? And you know what - then I think, I know exactly how you gotta feel."
> Both wings extend again from her sides, pushing out from beneath your circling arms to extend to their full spans.
> "The way you talk about this ship, I can hear how much you love it. It's what makes you free from everything trying to hold you down. It's like your wings, right? And they've been clipped too."
> Again silence falls.
> For once, it's because you honestly are not certain of what to say.
> You knew that Dash had begun to... sympathize with you to some degree, but this?
> Never had you imagined she'd relate like this.
> Words forced from your lips seem unfitting.
"I admit, I hadn't thought of it that before."
> Dash stiffens briefly in surprise, but when she speaks next it is with a soft and uncertain voice.
> "Yeah, I... knew already."
> "If you'd thought of me that way... you wouldn't take that from anypony else. You'd know how much it sucks to lose that freedom."
> Chuckling softly, you lift one hand to scratch beneath her chin.
selling weapons to creatures that have been eating ponies since time immemorial. sure griffons and ponies are "friends" now. but griffons preferred prey are equines, and anons giving them canons. no wonder the diarchs are pissed. they probably pulled their hair out for centuries working the balance of power to keep eachother at peace and this moron comes in thinking "well nothing would change if you just bought cannons too" that's not how arms races work.
Interesting update. I liked the interactions with RD and Anon and now we have
an approximate idea on Anon's level of tech. Only one things kinda bothers me.
> "Twilight Sparkle is missing."
I hope Twiggy (and possibly friends) didn't try to invade Anon's base to try to rescue the CMC. Seems like the idea of "Wait till the bad guy leaves his
ground base and then do a rescue/intellegince gathering/acquire bargaining chip mission" is something she would try without thinking it through.
Thanks for the update. Finally we get to know the background.
>rescue the CMC
I think Anon already returned them before the space flight.
>Twilight Sparkle is missing
damn that cliffhanger
I like this new addition. I like how Dash finally sees anons perspective and understands why he does what he does. But she also understands enough to know that he's still not a good guy.
It makes anon's need to be clearly dominant more understandable. He gave dash lots of new information, and need to make sure that even with the new status quo, he's still her master, and she's his slave.
Anon was pretty weak in this scene though. Nor socially, but mentally. It's like he didn't even think that dash would be asking him these kind of questions and had no answers prepared. It seems very un-Anon like of him. He wouldn't take Dash up to his spaceship without thinking it through. the result was great and felt very honest and emotional. But it feels like you had to bend anon's character a bit to reach that.
I know it rubs some people the wrong way, but I love the fuck out of the series pic is from and like everything the artist has done.
Just saw this part
> While Rarity worked on gaining you the freedom you so desperately needed, you'd decided to give Dash the reward you'd promised her.
And assumed that she was coming to get the CMC. But now that i reread it, I can see that was no the case
Sooooooo, where are all the short smut stories?
Also why don't you fucks post more pictures.
>Rarity and anon develop a loving relationship
>She locks him in a chastity cage
>Keeps anon locked up in her boutique on a collar and leash
>She starts to invite colts over to try out fucking her new pet
>Younger colts with smaller members to train anon
>Slowly she starts inviting stallions
>Continues until she forces anon to take shining and big mac spitroasting him
>Anon gets filled with thick cum every night
>Rarity "loses" the key to his chastity cage
>She occasionally forces him to bring her to orgasm orally
>Daily whippings and stallion training become part of pet anon's daily life
Sadly just Escapade's (paused) story and the gang bang one, if you're into that. Check the list in the OP. Sublestia shows up in a few of the SiM-themed stories and such, but it's not usually the focus.
>Equestria comes to Earth and enslaves all countries that aren't America
>United States says it's their freedom to do it
You didn't pay attention in history class did you?
>inb4 lel bait I was only pretending to be retarded
Man, I haven't been here since before the archive crapped itself and I lost the archived threads I was trying to copy stuff from (specifically, a nicely lewd story involving lotus and aloe).
What's been going on here since then?
Right, so the fact that there are never any Celestia stories in Submission is Mandatory remains true. I suppose nobody has any plans to write about Anon enslaving a nice, exotic, hotheaded Draconequus girl like Eris, huh?
As you may know, almost a month ago, Me and Olibird have joined our efforts to work on creating a new CYOA for you. Now, we are finally happy to announce that the preparations are over and the story /is/ going to happen, soon. To avoid confusion when the story actually starts, please read the following:
1. All the relevant information will be given to you as the story begins. tl;dr, you will be playing as Queen Umbra, rule a kingdom and its subjects.
2. The story will be written by multiple writefags, namely Me, Olibird, and Escapade (who has joined us recently). It might make things a bit confusing at first, but it will also allow us to produce the greentext a lot faster, which should by far outweigh the initial setback.
3. We're aiming the story to run at a post-a-day speed. However, this might change depending on what will be happening in the story itself (to leave enough room for discussion), as well as on our real life circumstances. What parts will be written by whom will depend mostly on what storylines and characters will you be dealing with.
4. The story is designed as a highly interactive CYOA, so your input will be crucial. For all intents and purposes, you /are/ the main character, and your decisions are her decisions. And if those decisions are poor, it will be /you/ who will be dealing with the consequences.
5. The Story takes place in the established SiM-verse continuity. Stories taken as canon are MrNameless's original SiM run (http://pastebin.com/ycY3zrvA) and Escapade's Octavia PoV (http://pastebin.com/Y2AahdQp). Having read those stories is not required, but they will provide you with background information and explain why we won't be using certain characters, most notably the mane 6.
6. The story still doesn't have an official name yet, so if you have an idea for something better than "Umbra CYOA", you're encouraged to suggest it.
Prologue will be posted this Friday, regular CYOA starts on Saturday.
Okay, so how does Celestia get to have any influence on Anon's mining operation at all?
Presumably Anon scanned the planet for the resources he needed and found them to be in Griffon territory.
He set up a deal with the Griffons where he gave them weapons in exchange for mining rights.
Celestia does not want war with the Griffons, so she would not attack Anon while he's operating on Griffon territory, since the unauthorized use of force in another state's territory would be an act of aggression.
This makes me think that Anon either not tell the truth or let out an important detail
or the story is just logically inconsistent.
This update mentioned Anon fleeing from Canterlot, meaning he presumably had some dealings with the Equestrian government, too, so we probably do not have all the details yet.
Possibly some of the resources he needs lie in Equestrian territory.
On another note:
Why did Anon make a trade with the Griffons in the first place?
Anon has access to fusion-powered killer drones that are presumably also heavily armored.
I can't think of anything the Griffons would have in their arsenal (prior to his arrival) that could hurt those things.
Anon could have just set up his mining operation and if the Griffons try anything, they get massacred.
It is implied that the Ponies and the Griffons are enemies, so the Griffons would likely not accept an Equestrian offer to intervene and attack Anon.
Anon approves of slavery, so I imagine he would also approve of the aforementioned strategy, especially since the resources he needs are useless to the Griffons anyways.
>go to griffons
>sell them weapons for mining rights
>Celestia is outraged (exactly as planned)
>go to eqestria
>offer them more weapons for more mining rights
>Celestira refuses the deal (not as planned)
>mane 6 attack you
>grab Rainbow Dash and run
>Right, so the fact that there are never any Celestia stories in Submission is Mandatory remains true
a mediocreone a couple months ago.
>it'd be a very dom thing to say
No, that's an insecure idiot thing to say. It sounds like an insecure white knight going off of feminist stereotypes about what bdsm consists of.
A dom, in real life, is more like someone who takes control of the situation and manages all aspects of it, up to and including maintaining the comfort and safety of any subs who've agreed to do a scene with them. It's the control of the scene and control over what the sub's experience consists of that tends to get a dom going.
It's a lot of work, and requires a lot of empathy and care.
I tend to want to just get my Bondage/Domination/Sadism/Masochism smut from stories, images, or videos, for the same basic reasons I watch action movies rather than recordings of a parliamentary debate. It cuts away a lot of the uninteresting crap that's more of a bother than something that enhances the experience.
Oh. That seems to make sense. Whenever I get into bondage fantasies I'm thinking mostly about the victim side, so it's not something I really think about.
Especially seeing as doms are rapists in my fantasies, only looking to make things uncomfortable.
Whenever I get into bondage / domination fantasies is usually when I'm about to go to sleep, so, while I do sometimes have pretty lewd ideas, what I'm imagining is almost entirely cuddling.
My mind is sometimes annoyingly vanilla and non-sexual, though I can have spikes where my thoughts are excessively sexual and dip into some of the more hardcore fetishes that are seldom seen in this thread.
Would you please either quit your complaining, or work to make your dreams happen?
Start brainstorming a premise and an outline, and what things you'd want included. Ideally, start writing your story out yourself and post it to this thread.
Just trying to get people to write your story for you without you putting in any of the work is getting really old at this point. You've been passive-aggressively complaining about this for literally months, possibly over a year.
I've even gone out of my way to help you out and worked to brainstorm things like how Celestia could be worked into a D/s story (the conclusion was that it would either have to be a focus of the whole story, or only consist of a very brief cameo scene), and what kinds of things could happen to her.
I agree with >>25247838. The trick is to figure out how to spread it out so that the reader is getting contextually-relevant worldbuilding in smaller doses, with the odd background stuff being mentioned in pauses in the action, or when a character is thinking to themselves before they get involved in the scene.
You might find it helpful to write your story in a modular way. Have a very (very!) brief general outline of the scenes you want to do to keep you on track, then write the character's dialogue, then their actions, then their thoughts, then the narration / worldbuilding.
Been about two days, so lets get some responses in.
Thank you! I'd say your comment about Anon holding Dash's throat is pretty spot on - Anon wanted to make it clear to Dash that even if she helped him, he wouldn't mysteriously undergo a complete transformation. Better to remind her of that now then set her up to be disappointed (and maybe rebellious) later on.
Yes, as you noticed there were more than a couple things in the section that were meant to point out that Anon, despite his reasons, is still a messed-up person himself.
The CMC have not been returned. He's hanging on to them for a bit longer to keep Rarity motivated to do at least part of her job.
Hmm, noted. Apart from the bit about Dash comparing his loss to her own damaged wings, which was deliberately meant to show that he'd never thought of their situation that way (either his spacecraft being 'clipped wings', or Dash actually comparing herself to him) where did you think he felt unprepared?
Even if we assume Celestia and Luna would hesitate to burn out what they see as a threat that happens to be in another's territory (I don't think they would, honestly), Anon did have a lot of dealings in Equestria. Maybe most importantly, all that stuff he's dug in beneath his house can't easily be moved - and he can't afford to build more, since he's literally cutting apart his ship to build even those.
Regarding the griffons: You know how he kept talking about how much he hates people who use their power to crush anyone around them? His own twisted remnant of a conscience insisted he give them something, so he could tell himself that he isn't being the exact same thing he fled from.
Overall, he tried to pull something like >>25250132 and wasn't prepared for a situation where the rulers of the dominant superpowers genuinely care if the griffons go after any smaller nations, even if not on Equestria. He's used to everyone in power being scumbags, and it colors how he views everything.
Excellent! I'd been wondering where everyone vanished to. I'll be looking forward to this.
>where did you think he felt unprepared?
This >>25230183 whole post pretty much.
Anon takes Dash to his secret spaceship, tells her that his secret plan is to leave the planet... yet somehow doesn't think that Dash might ask him if he'll take her with him or let her go? Really? Yes, he expected it to be "years, maybe decades down the line", but did he also expect that Dash would wait that long before she asked how will she spend the rest of her life?
A surprise declaration of "We're going to fuck now" happens when Anon does something somewhat public and slightly impressive and a mare from the noble classes witnesses it.
Anon is confused and somewhat resistant, but the mare stated her intent publically, and must follow through or lose face.
They walk to a more private location so she can "explain equestrian traditions" to Anon. Anon isn't having it, but the mare eventually negotiates for sexytimes on the condition that Anon gets to do whatever the heck he wants, including be in control.
Anon proceeds to make her regret her impulsive decision, but people noticing that she's walking funny and maybe noticing some marks is enough to protect her position and reputation.
Thoughts? Is it a bit too RGR, or does it have enough control elements to fit here?
>when Anon does something somewhat public and slightly impressive
Something like fighting off a handful of changelings all by himself during that big wedding he didn't care to attend, or helping deal with some kind of forest creature that wandered too close to Ponyville. Maybe even just dealing with a couple of pony/griffon assholes who are making a scene in public.
To clarify, I was mostly trying to bump the thread with something constructive that might hopefully start a little bit of a conversation.
I'm actually trying to study this reading week instead of goofing off for the entire time. I might get to this short story later, but I've got others to work on first.
So, what *kinds* of stories would possibly fit the thread theme?
We've got :
Attempted realistic "soft" bdsm,
Slavery and systematic domination, without explicit, necessary sex in the story,
Outright sex slaves (keeping things simple, focused, and basic),
Mind control (haven't had much of that),
"Taming" or "Reforming" a wrongdoer (that siren story... unf)
This is a bit of a clumsy list written off the top of my head. Can we develop it and find out what story types or premises I might have missed, and see which story type would be the most requested for a short oneshot?
Please, for the love of whips and chains, bump with actual words this time.
I would like to see something around the concepts of both forced slavery and gentley BDSM, like that one story with Anon keeping her pets on an hotel's suite.
Yes. Petplay. Can't forget about petplay.
Petplay would be perfect for that.
How about some incest? Parents/siblings doming their children/sibling.
I'm sure Rara would have some exquisite outfits that would help her fix her incessant annoyance of a sister.
How about prostitution? With the right client it's a lot of many for little work.
Sounds good to me. Anyone remember the whorepone threads?
>The candle that burns twice as bright burns half as long.
>Kind of ironic how accurate that metaphor is when it comes to using dark magic.
>You muse to yourself as you arrange crystalline lattices around your throne room, setting up for one massive spell.
>The Equestrian Princess Patrol are on their way after your little...mishap with the Crystal Heart last week, and you know you can't fight them.
>You may be the most powerful dark magician out there, but even YOU can't take both of them at the same time.
>As the last crystal locks into place, you look around and sigh contently.
>This is either going to be spectacular or suicide.
>Technically, that can be the case with dark magic in general, but still...you've never had to cast a spell THIS big.
>You don't know if there’ll be anything left.
>Approaching a window, you look down upon your domain, everything you've built with your own four hooves.
>Down below, your ponies sparkle as brightly as the crystals that make up your empire, all oblivious to what's about to happen.
>If you could activate the Crystal Heart yourself, none of this would be necessary.
>...Then again, if you hadn't messed with it, your ponies wouldn't have been mineralized, and the princesses wouldn't be out for blood.
>Hopefully them being turned into living crystal won't have any side-effects.
>You scan the skies looking for any sign of...there they are, right on schedule.
>If this were literally anypony else, invading a kingdom to depose the ruling monarch, all the other countries would claim jus ad bellum and carve up the offenders.
>Leaving the window, you opt to sit on your throne and await the two usurpers.
>You COULD cast it now...but where's the fun in that?
>You wouldn't get to see the look on their faces.
>Oh wait, right. One last thing you SHOULD do, just in case things go awry.
>The mighty doors to your throne room open before your hoofmare steps inside, her head bowed low, her nose almost rubbing against the carpet.
>You had her nose rubbing against a much different carpet last night.
>"Yes Mistress? How may I serve you?"
"I want you to take the rest of the day off."
>She raises her head a bit, but doesn't dare to make eye contact.
>You've trained her well.
"You've been doing such a good job lately, I've decided you deserve a day off. Enjoy your position as queen's hoof, walk around the kingdom, do something you'd like."
>Just don't be here when the alicorns arrive.
>Her face contorts in a mixture of confusion and fear.
>You wave a hoof dismissively before she starts trying to figure out what kind of game you're playing.
"Don't worry, I'm not replacing you. This is a genuine reward, no tricks. Now go before I change my mind."
>Jewel Joy bows again, her snout booping against the carpet before she blurts out, "Yes Mistress, thank you Mistress!"
>She almost gallops out of the room, leaving you once again alone with your thoughts as the doors swing shut.
>That doesn't help matters as, without anything to distract you, your growing anxiety gnaws away at your mind.
>You'll have to look into getting a personal musician.
>Maybe a harpist...or better yet, you could use mental puppetry to have a perpetually singing choir.
>Your fantasies about what kind of music you'd like accompanying your royal presence are interrupted by the doors to your throne room slamming open, revealing the distinct forms of the alicorn sisters, their horns glowing threateningly.
>It’s almost like they want to hurt you.
>You grin, showing off your slightly pointed teeth.
"Why, Princess Celestia and Princess..."
>Hang on, what was the blue one's name?
>She has a moon on her rump, her name probably has some relation to it.
"Selena. To what do I owe the pleasure of this unexpected visit?"
>Judging by the way her ears sink down, you guessed wrong on the younger one's name.
>Unphased by your slight to her sister, Celestia steps forward, her fury plain to see.
>"Umbra. The atrocities you've committed against the ponies of the Crystal Empire are unforgivable. You've enslaved ponies, turned them to stone, we've received reports of torture-"
>You lean forward, meeting the living goddess's gaze.
"All conducted perfectly legally, Celestia. I don't know if anypony's told you this, but Equestrian law doesn't apply to other countries. If you take issue with the way I treat MY citizens, then we could work this out diplomatically, without using such violent language."
>The blue alicorn you inadvertently snubbed steps up to stand by her sister.
>”We offer you this one chance, Umbra. Surrender peacefully, and you will be granted a fair trial, under natural law. If you continue to resist, we will have no choice but to end your life.”
>You laugh before you can stop yourself.
>Great, now you sound like the kind of cackling villains they LOVE to write stories about.
>It’s not your fault these two are so stupid.
>It’s like dealing with a pair of foals, really.
“Natural law?! All you want to do is throw shackles back on one of the only ponies to escape them! How many other sovereigns have you deposed in the name of “natural law?” I have a better idea. You two return to your castle, I’ll send an ambassador to discuss these concerns, and in exchange, I WON’T consider you breaking into my home as an act of war and take your Principality as my own.”
>Celestia shakes her head, giving you the response you’ve expected.
>”I fear she’s beyond reason now, sister. She’s nothing but a madmare. You leave us no choice Umbra! Together, Luna!”
>Their horns flare as they prepare a spell that would not doubt obliterate a normal unicorn.
>It’s a good thing you aren’t a normal unicorn.
>Before they have time to let loose their spell, your horn sparks, the dark magic bubbling up from within, your vision turning green as the eldritch forces take hold.
“Me? A madmare?! No you!”
>You launch a blast of destructive magic from your horn, the black energy rocketing towards the younger alicorn.
>...Really? No you?
>Those very well could be your last words, and you couldn’t even come up with something that sounded good?
>Dammit, you practiced this! You had a whole speech ready!
>Celestia cries out an instant before a bubble of golden light surrounds them before turning green as a blue, larger bubble appears an instant later.
>That wasn’t...quite what you expected to happen.
>Your magic dissipates harmlessly as it slams into their shield.
>”Sister, what are you doing?! I can protect myself, focus on the spell!”
>”Are...are you really doing this now, Luna? You’re my sister, I’m not going to let anypony hurt you!”
>”Yes, I’m doing this now, and you aren’t trying to protect me, you’re treating me like a foal!”
>The two sisters argue behind their doubly reinforced barriers as though you weren’t just trying to kill them, your jaw agape.
>You’re tempted to watch this...but with them distracted, this is the perfect opportunity for you to make your move.
>Changing focus from them to the crystals you oh so carefully set up, a beam of pure magic shoots out from your horn into the first, charging the gem before splitting and lancing out to two others, the processes then repeating.
>It isn’t long before you quickly reach the most magic you’ve ever channeled at once, making it incredibly hard to think, the alicorns’ words nothing more than a dull buzzing in your ears.
>Unfortunately, the spell’s no where near done.
>Pain lances out from your horn as you push even more of yourself into the spell, ignoring every sign that you’ve gone too far, every warning that you need to stop NOW.
>You can feel blood vessels in your eyes bursting as the magic starts to warp your very being, tearing away at your soul.
>”Luna, look!” The elder alicorn’s words manage to cut through the fog enveloping your mind, a clear sign of danger.
>Behind their barrier, in the center of the arcane matrix you’re assembling, their horns spark, signalling that your time is quickly running out.
>Their horns rapidly brighten as their own spell charges.
>Coupled with that shield, they seem almost like a bi-colored star.
>Of course, that might just be because you’re going blind.
>But you just need a few more seconds...just a couple more crystals…
>You push every last fibre of your being into casting the spell-it’s the ONLY thing that matters now.
>The bands connect, completing the spell, just as the Princesses launch their attack.
>There’s a flash of prismatic light before the world goes black.
This part was written by Olibird, but he couldn't make it today due to real life difficulties, so I posted under his name in his stead.
Comments, questions, critiques, suggestions, are all welcome. Tomorrow, you'll finally have a choice to make.
Not much to say, since I presume this all runs through the pre-banishment stuff.
Only real setup of notice is Umbra forgetting Luna's name, which is going to be kind of awkward 1,000 years later.
>>It’s not your fault these two are so stupid.
Moments earlier she was lamenting that she couldn't take them both on. This seems out of place.
>fighting with each other during the fight
This also seems a tad bit over the top. If this turns into a really light hearted story it's fine, but I suspect that isn't the intention
although if it is, I'm cool with that.
There's nothing horribly wrong with it, but it hasn't really hooked me in yet either. The characters are present but haven't really been built into anything yet, the interactions are ok but without knowing the characters they feel a bit flat, and we don't really know much about what's going on.
I'd say building the characters and world (probably in that order) is a priority, but getting into some proper sub/dom soon is probably a good idea as well.
Anyway, looking forward to seeing where this is going.
To add to this:
>You had her nose rubbing against a much different carpet last night.
It's difficult to understand what type of mood you're trying to convey when Umbra's 5th line is an unnecessary sex joke. She's about to attempt the most difficult spell of her life, and is staring down the two royal sisters. Are sex jokes really going to be on her mind?
This was also strange. I understand the need to show that the sisters were out of step with each other, but mid fight seems a extreme. For something this important, it seems forced for them to disagree like that in those circumstances.
Overall, it's a sound introduction. I think it suffers from being a little scattered. You can take a story so seriously when sex jokes and sibling bickering is done what's supposed to be an action scene. Fix those small issues;and they are small, and it's an otherwise solid final product.
Considering the prostitutes are pretty enough to have men pay to have sex with them, then they could very easily apply for a model, or get into the advertising business. They only need to look pretty and get paid better.
I bet the only reason Amerifats enslaved blacks is because we Brits actually enslaved them and sold them off to you.
The US could only fight against people who had no weapons.
Hence the lack of American victory in any of the wars it has taken part in.
>You are Queen Umbra.
>After your little dispute with the Royal Sisters of Equestria forced you to banish yourself and your Empire to the void of non existence, you have finally returned.
>And, oh girl! The world had quite a party while you were gone!
>To the East, Griffin kingdom rose and fell.
>To the North, Yaks must have stolen a dictionary and learned to read, because now they know what a country means, and claim to be one.
>And to the south, Equestria has changed.
>Celestia is gone, and her younger sister, who's now in charge of Canterlot, apparently ate one scoop of dark for lunch and two scoops of edgy for dinner.
>Which might also explain why she now goes by the name Nightmare Moon, and no one has seen the sun since...
>Since around the time you have returned, actually.
>At first you thought it might have been your doing, but now you know better.
>The spell you cast, /was/ the strongest dark magic spell in all of known history.
>But luckily, you got away from it with only a migraine strong enough to shatter a mountain, and occasionally hearing voices you're not sure are really there.
>That, and your eyes are still glowing green and smoking purple, even when you are not actively using dark magic.
>Definitely not a good sign.
>Your body looks nearly the same, but on the inside, the magic might have changed you in more ways than you can count.
>You might not even be /you/ anymore.
>You almost made a "smoking hot" joke right now.
>Only time would tell though, and you were never the one to wait for things to happen.
>Just as soon as you could tell the difference between floor and ceiling, you crawled back to your throne and started giving orders.
>In a few days your empire was running again, and your mind turned to a well deserved revenge.
>Your army reassembled, and went out to reconquer your lands.
>Few more days later, when your army was celebrating the conquest of Our Town, now also known and Your Town, a letter came.
>Equestria was demanding your surrender and threatening you with invasion for taking what was rightfully yours.
>Not being the one to fear, you decided to meet the problem head on and journeyed to Canterlot.
>That's when you learned of who NMM really was and how she came to power.
>Were you at your best you could have just beaten her, but given your current state, the amount of dark magic it would require would have definitely been lethal for you as well.
>She then, was facing a silently growing rebellion, and while her army was larger than yours, she could not afford to attack your kingdom even if she wanted, as her forces would have been spread too thin.
>If either of you were to survive and stay in power, you had to solve your grudges with diplomacy.
>The negotiations were not easy, both of you had a leverage, but after a week of talking, thinking, and a disgraceful kiss of a hoofguard, you both managed to agree on a deal.
>NMM will stay an Empress, and you will stay a Queen.
>Crystal Empire will be renamed to Crystal Kingdom, and join the Equestrian Empire as its dependency.
>You will remain in charge in all of the kingdom's mineral and pone resources, and establish its laws, but a council will be established to "communicate the needs of the people" and help you make the right decisions.
>You will retain the control over CK's army, and all the lands you've already conquered, but you will refrain from further conquests both in Equestria and elsewhere.
>Canterlot will be in charge of all foreign relations, making the two states appear as a single unified body to the other nations.
>You will have to send part of the kingdom's production to Canterlot as a tribute, but in return NMM will provide you with a stream of additional workers to compensate for the increased demand on production.
>There are also hundreds of other smaller clauses, none of which are particularly noteworthy, setting up the rules and standards for how will the kingdom and the empire interact in nearly every matter imaginable.
>Everything from what is the current time and which of the 24 hours should be considered 'day' and 'night', to how should the seals on official correspondence look like.
>All has been described in detail in the treaty you signed, before you left.
>Now, it is roughly two weeks after your return to the material world, and you've just arrived from Canterlot back to your Crystal E... Kingdom.
>With the deal with Equestria in place, peace has been secured and the immediate crisis had been resolved, but you still have more things to worry about before you can take a well deserved nap.
>The council should already be set up, and the councilors ready to meet their Queen.
>With the wave of newly incoming workers, barely avoided all out war, and everyone still trying to cope with being gone for a thousand years, it's almost certain the councilors will already have something to pester you with.
>Next, the prisoners you took in Our Town are still in the dungeons, waiting for you to decide their fate.
>On one hoof, you could just send them all to slave in the crystal mines.
>On the other hoof, you could integrate them to your kingdom as free citizen.
>On the third hoof, /technically/ you haven't had a new plaything in over a millennium, and some of the prisoners might be worth some personal attention.
>And lastly, you should take care of your little problem with magic.
>Your dark magic powers are not safe to use right now, and they might stay like that for quite some time.
>You will either need to find a way to fix that, or come up with some sufficient substitute for it.
>Being the responsible Queen you are, you should address at least one of these problems before the end of the day.
>What is your top priority?
The critiques for this are going to be long.
>The usage of "NMM" and "CK."
Probably the most painfully obviously error here. You actually wrote NMM and CK instead of Nightmare Moon and Crystal Kingdom respectively. For a story in the works for a few weeks, I'd hope that errors as simple as this would have been corrected. Proof reading doesn't need to be perfect, but this is bad.
>Meeting with NMM
It seems like you're going to make this a long term plot point, but we are completely denied access to the first actual encounter. It's hard to understand how Umbra and NMM see each other when we no almost nothing about it.
>Show vs Tell
This is the major mistake made here. This entire update was just a massive plot dumb with almost no actual story interwoven. It read more like a Spark-Notes plot summary than a story. It's a ton of information with no time to digest it, and it's missing the small things that make it a story.
>Our Town and Your Town
Are these actual names of cities? Something more creative would have worked better. For the rest of the story it's now only called "Your Town."
>How she learned.
How did she find out about everything going on outside? She knew of NMM, and her personality before even meeting her. She learned of the Griffons, Yaks, etc. None of this is explained.
What? What happened to the maid from before?
Who are they? Equestrians? Crystal ponies?
This update was basic, and poorly written, which is making it hard for me to buy into the story, especially since the introduction is extremely important for CYOAs. It might have been better to start the CYOA when the she first returned, or when the letter from Canterlot came.
Meet with the council, and figure out exactly what the hell is happening.
>apparently ate one scoop of dark for lunch and two scoops of edgy for dinner.
Made me kek. I also think this is some pretty interesting characterisation that really demonstrates the different kind of evil Umbra is compared to NMM.
Meeting with the council seems reasonable, we should be well informed before making any major decisions.
I'm getting a couple contrasting views of Umbra here. On the one hand, as >>25294951 said, her snarky little comments about Nightmare suggest someone more interested in running a more banal evil empire than Nightmare's steeped-in-tradition-and-position authority.
On the other, the kind of things she casually laughs about suggest that Umbra's gone a little bit past 'just using dark magic' and right into 'missing a few screws' herself.
Either way, I do like the snarker personality
>You'll go check up with the council, better know what the Tartarus is happening before making any major decisions.
>Leaving the outside world behind, you enter your would-be-shining-if-there-was-sun castle, and make your way up one of the staircases, to a floor where the throne and council rooms are.
>It feels good to be back in your castle where /you/ are the Queen.
>Though all the stairs seemed like a much better idea back when you could just teleport wherever you needed to be.
>But you'll deal with that later, now is the time to rule.
>Soon, you arrive at the council room.
>You never needed a council before, so it has been set up fairly quickly.
>If it wasn't for all the armored guards watching over the entrance, there would be nothing that would hint that this room is where all the kingdom spanning decisions will be made.
>You would have had the council meet in your throne room, but that's not a place where a private conversations can be held.
>Already you can hear the muffled voices bickering inside.
>One of the guards opens the door for you and the room immediately falls silent.
>Inside, three ponies and a griffin sitting behind a table acknowledge your presence with a courteous bow.
>The first one to stand up and greet you is a tall, lean unicorn, with snow white coat and white-pink mane.
>As soon as the door shuts, she walks towards you, the clip-clop of her golden hoofguards sounding like a melody.
>She is beautiful, and judging by the way she sways with every step, she has had lots of practice showing it.
>"Your highness." She gives you a gentle nod and holds out her hoof for you, "Fleur de Lis. Voice of the Empress in your council."
>Is she offering hoofshake to a Queen?
>"It is customary to plant a kiss on the hoofguard, when greeting Empress's representative." she adds with a soft smile.
What will you do?
>The usage of "NMM" and "CK."
Absolutely inexcusable from us, fixed in the pastebin.
>This entire update was just a massive plot dumb with almost no actual story interwoven.
It /was/ supposed to be a plot dump. The initial two weeks will be visited again, when the time is right.
What happened to the maid from before?
Jewel is a hoofmare and she's still around.
Thanks for reading and helping us improve.
The rest of the plot issues you've brought up will be addressed in the story itself, as soon as they become relevant.
This is our castle not hers. WE are the ones in charge here and OUR council needs to understand this, it would also be useful if NMM understood this as well.
Our Kingdom has become an Equestrian dependency. We are part of NMM's Empire. If we want to set the tone for our council, than we need to understand that NMM's going to hear about this, and that will need to a painfully awkward conversation later down the line.
For my part, I recommend not kissing the ring. There's no real historical precedent for this; kissing the hoof would imply that either she is of equal authority to the Empress herself (something I severely doubt) or that we are inferior to even one of Nightmare's officers, which I don't see anywhere in the description of what Umbra agreed to: We are a vassalage of Nightmare, but not her lieutenants.
For that matter, we should remind Fleur that insisting on this could very well be seen as claiming Nightmare's authority.
This is probably coming from NMM directly, as a form of diplomatic immunity or something. I'd guess that NMM told her that she's operating with the full power of NMM, or something similar. If Fleur is a stand-in for NMM, this makes sense.
>For that matter, we should remind Fleur that insisting on this could very well be seen as claiming Nightmare's authority
Maybe we could ask about this? If NMM didn't mention this in our first meeting, I don't think clarifying it would be a problem.
Fair point: I change my suggestion to requesting proof that she carries Nightmare's full authority, not merely that of a lieutenant or agent. A scroll, seal, or something magical should suffice.
>You are Nightmare Moon.
>Empress of the Equestrian Empire.
>You find yourself in your Royal Chambers, reading one of the books from the sealed Royal Archives.
>The Crystal Empire — Magical Anonmoly Report: Part XII
>It is an interesting read to say the very least.
>While you recall the battle, and subsequent disappearance that took place there, you were sent… away… before the formal analysis could be completed.
>After scanning the Archives, it appears that Celestia, having observed the “horrors" of dark magic, banned the use of such spells only days after the report was submitted.
>The authors of this article; the leading arcane minds of the last millennia, seem mystified by the magic used during the battle.
>Even after 1000 years, Equestria’s understanding of such magic was woefully underdeveloped.
>On the other hoof, you and Luna had all of 1000 years to rediscover, and develop such theory.
>By now, you can only assume that you’re centuries ahead of anything these ponies might have to offer.
>Your attention is drawn back to the present as you sense a pony approach, and open the doors, granting the mare entrance.
>”I’ve retrieved apples, caramel, and sugar glaze, just as you requested Empress.”
>Octavia pushes a small cart into the room and unfolds a small table before you, then lifts small plates and pots onto it.
>She quickly places a half dozen apples onto the table, as well as a small two glasses, and a small pitcher of eggnog, before stepping back.
>You gaze over the selection briefly, inspecting each item.
>A bruised apple, or burt caramel would surely ruin this wonderful celebration.
>After a few moments, you can see that all is well.
>You look up at Octavia.
”Very well maid…”
>”Thank you Empress, have a good evening.”
>Before she stands, you interrupt.
“At ease little one, we wish to gift you something…”
>Her ears perk up, and she raises an eyebrow.
>You turn, and look toward the small jar on your bedside table.
>Lifting the lid, you quickly remove a small morsel of caramel candy.
>Replacing the lid, you move the small treat before Octavia, which she instantly locks eyes on.
“We wish to… offer a token of our appreciation for your services…”
>”I don’t understand…”
>You move the candy closer, encouraging her to accept your gift.
“This eve is the celebration of the Fall Festival; tis tradition for the elders to bestow gifts of sweets onto the young…”
>You turn away slightly.
”It is a pleasant time of year — we wish for you to partake in the merriment.
>With every passing moment she doesn’t accept, you begin to feel more foalish.
”Accept our gesture…”
>She pauses, before nodding, and extending a hoof to accept the treat.
>Retrieving it from your grasp, she places it into her mouth; which is soon followed by a small smile.
>”Thank you Empress…”
“Tis tradition, nothing more…”
>As she eats the candy, Octavia looks down at the food before you once again.
>”Is that what these apples are for?”
”Indeed, we shall attempt to refine our Brute, and feed him a sample of foods this evening…”
>You look out of the nearby window, onto the landscape below.
“You see Octavia, the Fall Festival of old was a wondrous and joyful affair; ponies would make merriment and have flamboyant festivities…”
“Then, when the evening arrived, the adults and parents of each village would escort the foals to a nearby clearing, where they would gaze at the stars…”
>Subconsciously, you rub your hooves, and feel your cheeks grow warm.
“Afterwords, sometimes courting couples would… make a date of the affair…
"Many mares and stallions found their mate on those evenings…”
>The words linger in the air for a few moments.
>Your mind wonders to your Brute.
>Hopefully /this/ fall festival would be a… pleasant affair.
>While you had not planned to make an evening of the Festival, when Anonymous mentioned that; in his world, the autumn held a number of traditions, you were intrigue.
>Many of the traditions were even similar to those of Equestia, which only served to peak your interest.
>He mentioned a particular fondness of caramel and candy apples from his foal hood.
>Unbeknownst to him, you’d taken heed of his longings, and planned this evening’s events.
>Perhaps, after your sweet snack and proper dinner, you may show him the celestial display which you had prepared for this evening...
>Further still, if he was fond of your company, perhaps you would enjoy a more… private evening with your Champion.
>You look back to Octavia.
“We shall pay a visit to the commoners this evening as well…”
>She grows noticeably stiff.
”Our Brute has spoken of his cravings for flesh in recent weeks, and would like to journey to a badlands restaurant in Canterlot…”
“After we consume our apples, we shall escort him with the company of our guards, lest his savage ways incite a riot in the streets…”
>By now, you can see that Octavia is trying to keep her poise, but under your watchful eye, her signals are far too easy to read.
>”I don’t think that would be a good idea Empress…”
>You raise an eyebrow.
>It is… uncommon for Octavia to contest your will.
>Deciding that her concerns merit your ear, you speak.
”And why might that be?”
>She shuffles her hoof awkwardly.
>”I don’t think you would like to go outside tonight…”
“That does not answer my question Octavia; speak clear or still your tongue…”
>She pauses for a moment.
>”It’s Nightmare Night outside your Majesty…”
>What a strange name for Fall Festival…
>Perhaps Celestia, in your absence, named the holiday in your name.
>You had always preferred the Fall Festival and Winter Solstice, while she favored May Flowers, and the Summer Sun Celebration…
“We see no reason why a change it name shall prevent our plans. If Celestia named this celebration in our honor, than we should do well to enjoy it…”
“It is still Fall Festival, and as the earthens say, a Rose by any other name…”
>She shakes her head.
>”I’m sorry Empress, you don’t understand; this isn’t fall Festival…”
>That gets your attention.
>It’s not the Fall Festival?
>But today /is/ the proper day for the festival to begin.
>What else could it be?”
“Then what is it Octavia? Speak."
>You notice the hesitation and weakness in her voice.
>”I’ve never heard of the Fall Festival Empress, for all my life, everyone I’ve known has only mentioned Nightmare Night…”
>There is no Fall Festival?
“Then what is this “Nightmare Night?”
>”Nightmare Night is a day when foals go door-to-door, and ask for Candy…”
>That is… odd.
>Had the Festival simply changed?
“So… this is a foal’s festivity now?”
>You take a moment to think.
“We see no reason why we cannot at least feed our Troll, and gaze our stars…”
>Octavia shakes her head.
>”No, that’s no it…”
>”Whenever the foals collect their candy, their parents take them to a statue of the “Mare-on-the-Moon,” where they must pay tribute, in exchange for their lives…”
>”They’re told that, they must dress in costumes so that the Mare-on-the-Moon doesn’t recognize them…”
>”The candy is an offering- a tribute so that the Mare doesn’t /eat/ them.”
>You don’t know what to say…
“This… “Mare on the Moon…” This is us, correct?”
>”The guards have reported to me that a few ponies have thrown baskets of candy over the walls…”
>You close your eyes.
“This festival; how far has it spread?”
>She raises an eyebrow in confusion.
“When did this "Nightmare Night” tradition begin? Upon our return?”
>You can see Octavia shift slightly.
>It’s the only answer you need.
>”I’m sorry Empress, but this has existed for a few centuries at least; almost every pony celebrates it.”
>The words take take time to fully sink in.
>This is a tradition?
>It’s a tradition for ponies to make light of your existence?
>Make light of your suffering?
>You look back to Octavia.
>For some reason, she retreats a half-step.
“And have you also participated in this ritual? Have you also made a mockery of our name?”
>Her eyes go wide.
>You look away.
>You know the answer.
>You voice is weak, but sharp.
>”Empress- I didn’t know, I was only a filly, I didn’t-“
>Using your magic, you brush the fur on her neck.
>There’s no force behind your touch — only intent.
“You would do well to remember that you are our /property/ Octavia…"
>You can begin to feel your eyes dampening.
>Fortunately, Octavia herself is too scared to notice, and after lowing your mane over your eyes, hiding yourself from her gaze.
”When we give you instruction, you have no ground to protest our demands, are we clear?”
>You can feel her nod as her neck pushes against your magic.
>You barely hear her words as your mind focuses on display of apples and caramel before you.
>Suddenly, the once appetizing display of fruit and sweets seems stale — your hunger long gone.
>This evening is no longer Fall Festival.
>It is not the night of pleasantries and courtship…
>You feel tears beginning to fall from your eyes, which you quickly dispel with your magic.
>This is /Nightmare Night/.
>There is nothing to celebrate.
>All you can do is limit the damage this might cause; while Equestria has been tainted; you shall try your best to prevent your Brute from such… heresy.
>You are in no mood to host him this evening; for him to see you in this temperament this is unacceptable.
>For him to learn of these ideas… disastrous.
"Tell our Brute that his presence is no longer required this evening; he is to stay in his chambers, and not venture outside of the castle; are we clear?”
>Again, you feel her nod.
>You quickly surround Octavia in magic, and teleport her from your chambers.
>The room is quiet.
>And then — it’s not.
>You throw the table across the room, spilling it’s contents over the floor.
>You don’t know what to feel, let alone what to do.
>You feel numb.
>You know that this /should/ make you angry; that you /should/ punish such behavior, but for some reason you can’t bring yourself to even move.
>It’s like some pony took all of your energy from you.
>What /could/ you do?
>Your Brute has made is all to clear that mass punishment isn’t a wise decision.
>The rebellion has gained enough recruits from lies and slander; to impose true fear upon your otherwise loyal citizens would be disastrous.
>In the coming weeks you will no undoubtably have to explain why this behavior was unacceptable, and outlaw future events.
>But on this evening, there is little you can do.
>Your wings twitch.
>Using your magic, you lock the entrance to your apartments, sealing all from your presence.
>You slowly stand, and walk toward the nearby viewing window, which overlooks the city below.
>As you look down, you only see confirmation of your fears.
>A mare, dressed in outlandish garments, escorts a group of foals down the street, who wear equally unusual outfits.
>The aren’t the exception by any means; only a few fish in a sea of heresy…
>As your eyes scan, you see a small colt break away from his mother, before running toward the castle; a hoof full of candy clearly visible.
>As expected, before he nearly the walls, one of your guards lifts him into the air, before dispossessing him of his payload.
>His mother quickly runs over, only then becoming aware of what happened.
>She approaches your guard and bows, before speaking with him.
>The foal sits in the air, almost as if he’s proud of his assault.
>After a sort conversation, your guard lowers the colt onto the ground, who is quickly grabbed by his mother, who takes him away.
>Your eyes are fixated on the mare.
>Her tail and mane are colored in an pattern which you immediately recognize.
>A set of faux wings lay on her shoulders.
>She’s… dressed like you sister.
>Your blood runs cold for a moment.
>She believes it proper to desecrate the alicorn form?
>Just as quickly, your anger fades, replaced only be a more somber feeling.
>You shouldn’t be surprised.
>Undoubtably there are many more like her.
>What is one more twig in a forest?
>In defeat, you sit down, resting you head upon your hooves as you gaze into the darkness.
>You sit for a few minutes, and watch.
>The scene before you is… eerie.
>/This/ is what Celestia permitted in your absence.
>It is no wonder that ponies didn’t recognize your Crown upon your return.
>For a thousand years your name was sullied and trotted upon.
>If your maid is to be believed, countless generations of ponies knew nothing of your existence besides rumors of cannibalism.
>It is no wonder that the rebellion was so effective in its recruitment of otherwise rational wise ponies…
>They’ve been /indoctrinated/ against you since their foaling.
>And what role did your sister have in this night?
>Certainly Celestia was aware of these events — it would be impossible for any pony to miss all of Equestria dressing in costume every year for centuries.
>Did she actively assist in this “holiday?”
>The image of your sister publicly endorsing such events is almost too much to bear.
>How could she have understood this to be proper?
>How could she have believe it correct to deny her sister; to disgrace a full-blooded alicorn of equal position?
>Did her connection to the elements of laughter run astray?
>Quickly, much more sinister, and equally scary idea floods your mind.
>Perhaps this was an intentional effort to wipe you from the public record.
>Since your return you’ve found almost no official documentation of your existence.
>No books or art stand to testify of your reign.
>Even the official books fail to so much as mention that she had a sister.
>If her intent was truly to establish a monarchy, this would be a logical step in that process.
>Any alternative, legitimate claims to the throne must be erased, and it’s clear that is what she had attempted.
>Tears come to your eyes.
>Your sister, for however flawed and troubled she might be, is still your sister.
>Why would she attempt to deny your blood?
>You only realize that you’re crying once you feel the dampness of your hooves.
>The severity of the situation is not lost on you.
>It will take decades, /centuries/ to reverse such ideologies.
>For all the power the stars may grant you; a task as this may be too great for you…
>It is no wonder why the rebellion has been so hard under-hoof.
>They will almost certainly have an ensured supply of recruits for years to come.
>You look back toward the window, again captivated by the scene below you.
>For almost an hour you watch as your Empire burns below you.
>Your mind wanders to any number of topics.
>Since your return, it has become all too clear that Celestia has eroded any trace of proper order from this land…
>The task of reinstalling proper society seems a almost insurmountable task.
>Even your maid, with a year’s worth of tireless instruction, still struggles to overcome her tainted blood and earthen heritage.
>To tame the common pony shall be a much greater challenge.
>And what of your Brute?
>If you are unable to obtain even the affection of your subjects, what hope may you have at winning his heart?
>Certainly he will see you as nothing more than an incompetent ruler…
>Perhaps he shall seek comfort another mare, more capable of keeping a home?
>You feel a shift in the arcane fields.
>The is a knock on the door, causing your wings to twitch in surprise.
>You lift your head from your hooves, your ears instantly standing erect.
>A brief magical scan only confirms your suspicion.
>Any other creature would have /some/ magical presence, but on the opposite side of the door lies a unique, magical void.
>… Knock knock knock…
>”Nightmare, open the door…”
>Your heart begins to race.
>You look forward at the now spilled caramel, glaze, and apples.
>He /can’t/ see this.
>With a burst of magic you teleport the foods and trays from your room.
>… Knock knock knock…
>Your head is pulsing.
>Had Octavia been so incompetent? Did she not perform your demand?
>You stare at the door for a moment, considering the possibility of granting him entrance.
>Certainly he would ask where your promised evening treat was at.
>And what answer could you provide him? That you were forgetful?
>You shake your head.
>He would only think that you were a poor Mistress of the Estate…
>Again he knocks.
>”Open the door Nightmare, I want to talk about something…”
>Your eyes close.
>Like a foal, you can’t even bring yourself to open your chamber doors.
>But, try as you might, you /can’t/ find the will to meet the Brute on the other side.
>He mustn’t see you; not in this condition.
>You slowly unlock the door, and twist the handle.
>Then, with humiliation heavy on your shoulders, you teleport yourself from your chambers, to someplace far away.
This story was mainly the result of a brief conversation between myself, Olibird, and Beran. (Olibird?) asked how NMM would react to Nightmare Night, and I couldn't think of a good answer. After posting 1/2 a post worth of story in a Skype call, I challenged myself to a solo one-shot contest, to see how quickly I could take this from concept to finished product. It's one of the quicker, and shorter NMM stories I've written, having decided to write on Monday, and not really writing until Thursday. This is probably 90% internal monologue, and 10% story. It was suprising difficult to think of an actual "plot," so eventually I decided to ignore the plot entirely, and aim for an extended internal monologue. It's nothing spectacular, but Halloween is only once a year, and I figured this would be as good a time as any to touch upon this particular corner of head-canon.
I'm most likely going back to Octavia, unless you all want something in particular written, or I'm needed for the Umbra CYOA.
Reviews, feedback, etc are welcome. I hope you enjoyed.
Okay, actual review time.
I think I've said this before, but you do your best at painting Nightmare as a more complex character when you do it from within her head. While I admit it feels like a little bit of a stretch to say that nobody's told her about Nightmare Night at all - not even Anon - but beyond that the story does well. It's nothing new, exactly, but you've got a formula and it works. Her views on the idea of Nightmare Night are interesting, but not super-interesting; it's nothing we've not seen before.
The addition this time was a new hint of her relationship with Anon, which you've been teasing at for a while but I don't think you've ever teased so directly at it. It very much is a tease, though, since she vanishes before we can see any more interaction. Oh well, I guess we'll come back to that later.
I continue to enjoy NMMs character of taking the broadest and most negative implication of just about everything. She doesn't see it as some silly holiday that she needs to get rid of as most people would, but as a symptom of a deeply rooted problem that's going to take generations to solve.
I also like the continued reminder that she, in her own twisted way, wants to be a good leader. She doesn't want an enslaved populous living fearfully under her hooves (though she's happy to have a subset that do), she seems to want them to love her and wants to build a glorious empire.
>"Fleur de Lis. Voice of the Empress in your council."
It's the "Mouth of Anonymous". http://pastebin.com/wcXHMZkx
She's Anon's errand-girl for his outside-the-castle projects.
Also, is this meant to be an Umbra femdom CYOA?
>The hoof kiss
A simple "You're not in Equestria anymore. I rule here." should be enough. The two countries agreed to sort of work together, but they're not that different in power.
>kissing the hoof would imply that either she is of equal authority to the Empress herself (something I severely doubt) or that we are inferior to even one of Nightmare's officers, which I don't see anywhere in the description of what Umbra agreed to: We are a vassalage of Nightmare, but not her lieutenants.
>Your Brute has made is all to clear that mass punishment isn’t a wise decision.
*has made it all too clear
This probably happens before she became Anonymous' messenger. She's serving NMM in this story.
>You're not in Equestria
The Crystal Empire became a dependency of Equestria, so while this might not be Equestria, you're still under its influence.
I'm a fan.
But then your NMM/Anon stuff is why I hang around this thread, so there's a bit of bias there. Interesting take on how NMM viewed NMN, but while I think her reaction is spot on, as a reader I would have liked to see her and Anon interact with this as the topic.
A follow up with Anon and NMM about this would be appreciated. Maybe add in a bit of Octavia and how she tries to make amends, and either fails or succeeds, not sold on either idea, would be welcome too.
People suck Escapade's cock in this thread, but I'm honestly more invested and interested in Hawkeye's story and Ploughman's stuff.
They seemed like they were actually going somewhere rather than just being slice of life bits to fill in the gaps of stuff we already know.
>You measure the mare with your eyes carefully.
>The treaty clearly stated that the council's role is only advisory.
>It didn't say anything about messengers of the Empress having any power in Crystal Kingdom's territory.
>It is important that your counselors understand this as well.
"That may be the custom in Equestria, but in Crystal Kingdom, queens do not kiss the hooves of messengers."
>You briefly consider making her make kiss /your/ hoof, but decide against it.
>It is clear that whatever happens here will be reported back to the Empress and humiliating her messenger like that could become awkward later down the line.
>Instead you simply continue into the room, and take a seat at the head of the table where the other councilors are seated.
>Fleur follows behind you, retaking her seat at your near right. If she was affronted by your lack of gesture, she's not making it known in the slightest.
>One glance over the other councilors, whose eyes are now all pinned on you, makes it clear that they all had to humiliate themselves in front of Empresses representative.
>While it is important for everyone to know their place, reminding them of it so vehemently only reveals how insecure the Empress, or at least Fleur is in her position.
>Heh... beginner's mistake.
>Putting your forehooves on the table you greet everyone with an open arms gesture.
"Since you are sitting on my council, I assume you all already know who I am."
"However, that pleasure is not mutual, so why don't we start by introducing yourselves to me?"
>Even though you already know who she is, you nod to Fleur, and let her introduce herself again.
>Aside from representing Empresses will, she also represents the unicorn nobles of Canterlot.
>Uppity as she may be, she is the second most important person in the room.
>Following the traditional order, you focus on the pegasus sitting on your near left next.
>With light blue coat and dark blue mane, he is the only stallion on the council.
>"I'm Soarin, your highness, I represent the pegasi of Cloudsdale. I'm here here to help you with your military." he says plainly.
>In other words, he's here to make sure the you don't let the 'rebels' use your kingdom as their base of operations...
>And also to make sure you don't plan to join them.
>The possibility of course crossed your mind, but it would be nigh impossible with a Wonderbolt on your back.
>While, you don't have a first hoof experience, you heard that their unit has built quite a reputation for both their performance and endurance in the last few centuries.
"Very well... " You look to your far right where a white coated earth pony mare with straw colored mane is sitting, "... you are?"
>"The name's March Gustysnows, from Whinnyapolis, I'm here to speak for the earth ponies, you highness. For the workers in your mines."
"The /free/ workers, you mean?"
>"Yes, yes, yes, the /free/ workers in your mines, your highness."
>Some of your workers were slaves, and the idea of things having political representation was puzzling.
>Lastly you turn to your far left, to an uneasy looking griffin with dark brown coat and white-green head, wearing a scarf.
>"I, I'm Greta and I...'m from Griffin Kingdom..."
>There is a short pause.
>The treaty did say there would be a councilor representing the non-ponies.
>But an actual non pony on your council?
>Your time with the Nightmare Moon made it clear what she thinks of griffins.
>To think she would appoint one of them in your council?
>Your eyes instinctively go to Fleur, but she seems to be contemptuous of the griffin's presence.
>Before you can ask, March opens her mouth.
>"Excuse me, your highness, but what is /she/ doing here? This was supposed to be a serious work. And she doesn't even know what her job is!"
>She waves her hoof on Greta and all attention shifts to her.
>The griffon sinks back in her chair.
>She looks at you, silently pleading for support.
What will you say?
I’m busy tomorrow, so next update most likely Wednesday.
>Mouth of Anonymous
It’s only been a couple weeks since SiM, so there hasn’t been time for
>"Every day he worked with me, to correct my errors. To build a new, better Fleur de Lis."
to happen yet. The question is, will that have been reward, or punishment?
Actually, we’re playing a bit loose when it comes to the canonicity of ancillary stories. SiM and Octavia PoV are hard 100% canon...but if events of Crystals and Collars end up contradicting another story (like, say, if you decide to kill someone), then we aren’t going to bend over backwards to make sure we’re aligned with every single story out there. Of course… your actions will have consequences.
>Is this meant to be an Umbra femdom CYOA?
Nothing prevents you from making Umbra be sexually submissive if you want.
Okay, look. She's walked into this room for a reason, and we're trying to run a country here. If she's got a reason, let us hear her out.
Personally, I think she knows what her job is but is too afraid to speak up. For starters, why don't we figure out who appointed her to this position? Make it clear that if she has a job, we expect her to carry it out to the best of her ability or get out.
I'm more concerned about what Soarin is doing on this council. A wonderbolt just turned his coat randomly? Bullshit; he's either under duress or is an opportunist who will do whatever he can to get ahead. Either way, it's a reason to both be wary and investigate - find out what his story is.
Happy to see everyone enjoyed this story, given how quickly it was written.
>but not super-interesting; it's nothing we've not seen before.
Entirely correct. This isn't meant to be particularly groundbreaking. I just wanted to explore a particular topic (NMN) through NMM's eyes.
Have I really never teased it? I CaM? CaT? Melancholy II?
It's fun to explore because it's really hard to prove wrong. I actually think there is a good argument to be made that NMN is more sinister than it appears superficially.
>NMM and Anon.
I thought about it, but that would have added a couple days to writing as an absolute minimum. I'd rather not write it, than write it poorly. I people /really/ want it, I could give it a look. I'm not a particular fan of the /teleport away/ end, either, but it's a reasonable way to cut the scene cleanly. If I had forever to write, I'd probably add Anon to the scene.
I liked it. The high amount of Internal monologue was not a problem. Stories don't need to be about what's happening, sometimes it's much more important be about how does it feel.
NMM running away like that felt realistic but not very emotional.
>He mustn’t see you; not in this condition.
I know what she's supposed to feel, but I'm not feeling it.
>I'm most likely going back to Octavia
I'm always pumped for more Octavia.
>"The guards have reported to me that a few ponies have thrown baskets of candy over the walls…"
>NMM and Anon.
You do tease that in almost everything, but I'm lacking a story where Anon's relationship with NMM is the main focus.
I'm not meaning it as a continuation of this particular story, but as a story in it's own.
Hmm, fair point. Bad phrasing on my part, I suppose; teasing at it is something you'd done heavily, especially with 1000+1 and CaT. I guess what I was more getting at is this seems (to me at least) to be a step up in the degree she is actively courting him, yet it turns into a tease because she never gets to go through with it.
That's not a criticism, mind you, but like the guy above I'm interested in seeing exactly would happen in a situation where she gets to go through with that.
Here, have a pet bugbutt I found.
As >>25311692 said, having Soarin on the council is strange. He's a wonderbolt, which makes him extremely loyal to Celestia. Now he's helping NMM and Umbra? He does know that Umbra has slaves, so he's clearly not ignorant of the situation. I'm willing to buy it, so long as there is a very, very good explanation.
>Representing the Three Tribes
Are the representatives of Equestria, or are they entirely separate. Do they all answer to NMM? So many questions here that need answering. I say that, next post we should:
>Let Gilda explain herself, and how she got sent there.
>Ask who is loyal to NMM.
>If not, who do they answer to?
>Who has issues with how you currently run your kingdom (slavery)
We shouldn't make decisions here; not yet anyways. Get to know everyone, and end the meeting. Summon Soarin, and question him heavily about his loyalties, and role here. Having the advisor to your military be a traitor would be lethal.
Then summon Fleur. She's the most important representative here, so we need to establish a working relationship quickly. Ask how she got her position, and about her loyalties. Why did NMM send you? etc. Learn as much as you can about her, it could be useful later.
This, but be cautious about how we phrase things. For instance, instead of "who is loyal to Nightmare" which could be seen as fishing for disloyalty, more ask "who is directly under Nightmare's authority" or something like that.
Wooo, late for the reviews!
>mfw one of my stupid ideas got turned into a good story.
I can’t thank you enough Escapade, this absolutely made my day. It WAS mostly monologue but...eh, it’s about Nightmare finding out how Equestria reacted to her post-banishment, it’d make sense that it’s mostly her having an internal freakout. I don’t know what I like better, the intro (oh you), or the way Nightmare just absolutely breaks down when she finds out the true reasons behind Nightmare Night. Was this the first story that you ever called Anon by name? Every other time he’s just been called a pet name, as far as I can remember. The fact that he showed up was rather heart warming.
One thing that seems off to me, is that Nightmare seems to be worried that because she isn’t loved by the population, that it means Anon won’t love her. It makes sense but...I don’t know, maybe it was the way that you phrased it, but I got the vibe that it feels like she’s doing this SO Anon will stay with her.
I still kinda wish we got to see her confronting Celestia about how she could possibly allow THIS kind of holiday to go on...but time constraints. As is, I really enjoyed it.
>Love of the Population
It's part of the belief that Anonymous wouldn't be interested in an incompetent or weak ruler. Retroactively, I see your point about how it seems she only cares because it effects how Anonymous views her. That's not my real intention. Of course, the loyalty and love of her subjects is important to her.
This idea of NMM reading a Sombra (now Umbra), report document isn't a new one. It's actually a remnant of a failed Coffee and Tea introduction. I saved it, and with minor editing, imported it over here.
>Calleing Anonymous by name.
I don't /believe/ this is the first time. If my memory serves correct, she only uses the word "Anonymous" in her internal monologues, and rarely, when addressing him directly. Meet the Parents is a clear example of this in practice, although again looking back, I might have used it a little too often.
NMM's entire world view is about mares attracting stallions and submitting to them. In her eyes, having Octavia and Spitfire bred was a reward not punishment. She'd be personally cleaning the castle's toilets with her tongue is she thought that it would increase her chance at getting Anon's dick.
She may be trying to prove that she is a capable leader, but as soon as things get intimate she would be slobbering over his cock and begging him to rut her. He wants to tie her up? He's making sure that she provides proper support when breeding. He want to whip her teats? He's making sure her body is sensitive enough to react to a nursing foal. He wants to put in in her ass? He doesn't consider her to be good enough for him yet, she needs to seduce him harder. He wants her to wear a chastity belt? He's claiming ownership of her womb, she's happy because he wants her womb to be ready for him and not filled with another stallion's foal, he's going to rut her soon! Literally everything she's going is to show him that she wants him to own her.
That's definitely one interpretation, but it seems that she draws a line between lesser ponies and herself.
Odds are, NMM is closer to believing in missionary position for the sole purpose of reproduction, and not BDSM style sex. Spitfire was a rebellious mare who's body needed guidance and instruction. Spitfire and Octavia aren't proper mares, NMM is.
I've toyed with a few ideas for it but
I'm already writing one submissive Moonbutt story.
Despite her views on mares submitting to stallions, I don't see any way in hell she'd voluntarily “submit” to Anon, herself. Yea, she’s afraid of losing him, but she's far, FAR too insecure to let Anon tie her up and treat her like one of his pets, even for a moment. She's terrified of Anon seeing any weakness in her at all, she even demanded they sleep in separate beds because she didn’t want him to see her having nightmares. How could he possibly love her, if he could see ANY similarity between her and the pets in the hallway?
Personally, the way I see them “typically” making love, would be Nightmare starting off with a big show about how she’s rewarding him with the privilege of pleasuring her tonight, perhaps telling him what acts he is and is not allowed to do. The moment Anon touches her down there, though, any sign of dominance from her would melt away, her poise gone as she just cuddles against him, clinging to her Beast and kissing him while he loves her in a way no other being could. Then, the moment he’s finished, she’s scrambling to try and recover her dignity, criticizing his performance, telling him what to do better next time and pretending she WASN’T just acting like a filly with her first crush.
That's... actually a pretty good assumption of how it'd go, at least in the Escapade interpretation. She's obviously got a (heavily repressed) romantic side, so going full melty once things get underway would actually be reasonably likely. I do agree that being full-submissive doesn't seem to be in her line of thought, though; while she would get lovey (and quite possibly kinky) in the bedroom, she's still a perfect alicorn.
Doesn't stop me from wanting to see a struggling Nightmare equal parts terrified and enraged as her power is ripped from her, she is shackled down, and brutally instructed of her proper place though.
>she's far, FAR too insecure to let Anon tie her up and treat her like one of his pets, even for a moment.
Oh, I'm pretty sure she'd go for it. Remember how different the Anon / NMM dynamic is compared to any other possible character pairing in the setting. They're both somewhat unfamiliar with the world as it exists, and Anon is the closest thing to a peer that NMM has, or will accept, now that she hates Celestia so much.
All that would have to happen is for NMM to think of the interaction as being different than the normal master/slave thing Anon does with his pets.
I think Anon would think of it differently too. Again, because the dynamic between these two characters is unique in the setting. Even if he's doing the same exact acts as he does with his pets, the context would be different. If he gets rougher, then that'd be more for a slow burning-away of his anger at being ripped from his life to serve her, without having any say in the matter. Even if he's pretty happy with his current situation in life
(getting in on the ground floor of the new world order!), the lack of choice and being forced into this new life is going to cause some issues that need to be worked out.
Plus, Nightmare Moon's probably a big enough bundle of culture shock stress and repressed nerves that it's reasonable to see her behaviour during sex diverge significantly from her normal behaviour.
I'm going to go ahead and bring some more attention to this: http://mulpwiki.org/index.php/SiM
I think that people generally overlook half the stuff in the OP just because they've read it so many times with only minor variations.
I think we specifically need to update the minor writefags (who may not have visited in a while) plus their stories, as well as adding in the archive links.
Since we've now got an up-to-date pastebin, much of the wiki seems redundant.
Still useful for the archive links, and theoretically there's stuff we could put there, but I think story list is now covered.
BDSM themed CYOAs from a mare's perspective don't do anything for me, so a different CYOA would definitely be appreciated.
Not only is femdom generally shit, but you can't really go the sub route in a CYOA since the point of being a sub is the lack of self determinism. The dom would be making all or most of the choices, regardless of the sub maybe trying to provoke it.
I kind of like reading things from the sub's perspective, but only when it's a prewritten story. Subs are acted upon, or act to follow orders. That's something that I don't think a CYOA story would really be able to work with, just due to the format.
Pastebin technically says that smut is against their terms of service, last I read them, so a lot of those pastes are subject to deletion at any time.
Sure, but I've never heard of that being an issue, and if it ever becomes one, then we can repost the stories elsewhere (I'm probably not the only one, but I've got a local copy of most of the good stuff).
Here goes nothing
>You're Anonymous, just another ordinary human being.
>And you're just finally getting home from another boring day at your dead end job.
>How did things end up this way?
>You used to have dreams, ambitions.
>People had always looked up to you, and now you just let them walk all over you.
>What you wouldn't give for a chance to just...start over.
*BEEP BEEP BEEP*
>You take a deep sigh and take your cheap TV dinner out of the microwave.
>There's nothing good on as you're trying to eat so you just end up surfing the channels.
>After you finish your meal you throw away your trash and head to your room.
>Laying your head down on your pillow you close your eyes and try to fall asleep...
>But yet again sleep is a fickle mistress.
>As you open your eyes once more you see a blinding light and hear a ringing in your ears.
"What the hell is going on?!"
>You try to move but realize that you're stuck in place, somehow standing again?
>Eventually you calm yourself down and just wait.
>It takes a while for your eyes to readjust, and there's still a slight buzz in your ears.
>You take a look at your surroundings, utterly confused at all of the technicolor horses walking around.
>Oh and that one has a glowing horn pointed at you.
"Well, it looks like we aren't in Kansas anymore."
Alright, so, who brought us to equestria, and is there a reason to this madness?
>I've got a local copy of most of the good stuff
I've still been using that python script that kind anon wrote for me way back in January, but I'm fairly behind on the stories that've been getting regular updates to the same pastebin.
http://desustorage.org/mlp/thread/21356468/#21487207 I've been going back in my history to find a different story I wanted to save, and this came up.
Was sure I wasn't the only anon scraping the paste
(wrote a perl script awhile back that takes a list of users (and scrapes all their pastes) and a list of specific pastes (because bluebird).. now that OP paste is up to date will probably update it to follow the links there).
>your cheap TV dinner
You can get a pretty awesome soup with just chicken bone broth (or just a single boulion cube), a potato, and onion, a carrot, maybe some beans, chicken, or egg for protein, and a few seasonings. Cheaper than a tv dinner, much more filling (since you've got a whole soup pot), and a lot healthier.
Have one of the changes he experiences be his diet. Involve a bunch of things that he uses all five senses to notice, so that the setting and world feel real and as immersive as possible.
>>Who brought us to equestria, and is there a reason to this madness?
Discord, for maximum shenanigans with minimum effort on his part.
Since he showed up in the middle of some kind of public place (a market, city street, rural road in ponyville, or a park? More description, please.), then I'm going to think that Discord did it.
He was somewhere else, talking to Fluttershy or the rest of the elements, and he said that he wants to "make things more interesting" around here, possibly as a way to express his thanks for being reformed. But he's promised not to cause any trouble, so he does a spell to summon Anon. (He also granting Anon temporary invisibility or "don't notice me right now"-ness until he's fully summoned, since the ponies apparently don't notice him yet). The elements try to say "No, wait!" to get Discord to stop, but when the spell ends and nothing seems to have happened, the elements are a bit confused and have to start looking for whatever Discord did. Discord just wants to keep the secret and enjoy the feeling of making a relatively small change that will have big consequences.
Discord then remains in an immaterial form, just observing things happening for the rest of the story, maybe occasionally suggesting some things to Anon. This could be a vehicle for some of the reader suggestions if you like, with Discord being something like the reader's mouthpiece.
Bonus points: have him show up in a more original location. Somewhere where news would get to the elements (or at least Twilight) about his appearance, but not right away. Maybe Manehatten. Coco and Suri live and work there, right?
>"Well, it looks like we aren't in Kansas anymore."
He's really unsurprised at this. Utterly confused does not make people act sardonic like this. This is a Keanu Reeves level reaction to major events.
I'd suggest playing it off as a sort of after-effect of the mind-clouding that the transportation spell had in it, mixed with him being basically asleep when the transport started.
- - - - -
First priority: Yawn, and really wake up. Get actually worried that this might be happening.
Second: Take inventory of what he's got on him at the moment. (Probably just his pyjamas. Let's say he wore socks to bed or something.)
Third: Seek an authority figure of some kind to hopefully explain what the hell's going on (any visible ponice. Nervous, chatting ponies around him may call them over and save him the trouble).
- - - -
I'm not sure how detailed you want the suggestions to be, so let me know how you want me to calibrate this.
What do you guys think the average day is like between Anon and NMM? We talk about what they do in bed a lot, but its more likely that their daily routine is a better signal of how they work together.
>who brought us
Discord. He promised not to cause any trouble. He didn't promise not to let someone else cause trouble.
>reason for this madness
It's Nightmare Night. Discord wanted help Fluttershy scare her friends, so he brought Anon (real scary monster form another dimension) to help.
Anon patrols the city, NMM deals with managing her empire
Anon takes care of his pets, NMM holds audiences with herself
Anon and NMM either attend public events, or they dine together, and then spend some quality time together playing board games, reading books, or watching/listening to artists perform for them
Anon retires to his chambers, has sex with one of his pets, and then goes to sleep.
NMM spies on Anon, clops imagning she was the mare he's rutting, and then goes to sleep.
>Nightmare Moon is assured that she hasn’t destroyed their relationship by letting Anon become aware of the fact that she had bad dreams.
>Anon uses Celestia to take care of his morning wood.
>They have a quick once-over of their agenda for the day while they both get dressed.
>The Captain of the Guard reports to Nightmare and Anon.
>Meeting with some ponies or ambassadors of note.
>Nightmare castrates someone.
>Anon heads out for a round of interrogations.
>Third meeting with some being of “importance.”
>Briefing with the spy team on how Midnight Melancholy's doing.
>Anon plays with pets and Nightmare heads down into the dungeons to check on the prisoner of the week’s progress.
>Nightmare gets to play mom when Midnight comes home.
>Anon intervenes on any internal staffing issues Octavia brings to his attention.
>Potentially intervene on “bad influence” in Midnight Melancholy's life.
>Meeting with generals on the progress of stamping out the rebellion.
>Anon and Nightmare go over various reports from the day, Nightmare tells Anon an amusing anecdote of something that happened while he was playing, Anon laughs, regardless of whether or not it’s funny.
>Nightmare checks up on her brood mares, Anon either has another round of playtime or interrogates more prisoners.
>Nightmare handles any sensitive communique and matters that require her to handle privately.
>If she’s going to surprise Anon with something or make him some cookies, now would be the time.
>Anon joins Nightmare, they read various things in bed.
>Nightmare rewards Anon for all his hard work by allowing him to pleasure her.
>They get right back into reading various reports.
>Nightmare falls asleep.
>Several hours later, Anon joins her, once the words on the scrolls stop making sense.
>file name gives away the image
I had a feeling I was forgetting something.
This is very good, and makes me want to see a complete schedule. Seems like a good, even useful piece of fiction for this thread.
>Nightmare Moon makes sure she didn't ruin her relationship with Anon by letting him know about her nightmares.
>Get dressed while talking about the day's agenda.
>Receive the daily agenda briefing from Octavia, and give her any request for the day.
>Receive briefing about from Chief Spymaster, and Captain of the Guard.
>Meeting with Military Leadership
>Meeting with Diplomatic Leadership and council.
>Briefing with Spy team about Midnight Melancholy.
>Nightmare Moon checks on prisoners, Anon checks on pets.
>Nightmare Moon greets Melancholy when she comes home, Anon free time.
>Nightmare Moon and Anon speak with any visiting diplomats or guest.
>Nightmare Moon holds public petitions, Anon meets again with military advisors.
>Nightmare Moon checks on Broodmares, Anon free time.
>Nightmare Moon handles sensitive stuff, Anon evening free time.
>Nightmare Moon and Anon with either Octavia or Melancholy.
>If Nightmare Moon is going to do something special, now is the time, otherwise, they read evening reports.
>Evening briefing from Octavia if the chose to meeting with Melancholy earlier.
>Possible sexy time.
>Nightmare Moon adjust stars, goes to sleep.
>Anon reads until he can't read anymore, then sleeps.
Alright thanks for the feedback anons. This is my first time writefagging and I would agree that my main weakness is including details. I'll try my best to improve that, but no promises.
>pretty awesome soup
Yeah I know, I was just trying to think of things to make it sound like this anon is already at rock bottom on earth.
Honestly this didn't even cross my mind, but I'm glad you both suggested it. I'll have to think of a place to stick anon that he can live in for a while without drawing much attention. That idea for Discord as the mouthpiece is pretty much genius.
>"Wizard of oz reference"
Yeah...I kind of really don't know why I did that. I guess since it was actually before I went to sleep last night I thought it was funny. I'll probably retcon a few things at the end to fit better with the suggestions.
I'm fine with whatever people offer, especially if a lot of people offer several different options. As far as choosing who's suggestion to go with I'm debating between, First come first serve, Maybe a vote, or I'll just choose my favorite/try to mix them.
But again, thanks for the in-depth feedback, it really helps out.
Since both of you suggested him I'll definitely bring him out, but since the other anon was first I'm going to go with his suggestion.
Now, I'm going to take an hour, eat something and wake up, then I'll get back to writing.
>It takes a while for your eyes to readjust, and there's still a slight buzz in your ears.
>You take a look at your surroundings, utterly confused at all of the technicolor horses walking around.
>At the moment it seems like they don't notice you.
>You look up and see a bunch a tall buildings, reminding you a bit of New York.
>Taking a step forward you breathe in the air...definitely like New York.
>But seriously, what the hell just happened?
>Looking down at yourself, you notice that you're still in what you had worn to bed.
>You're standing on the side of the street in just your boxers and a pair of socks, but you notice something at your feet, is that..?
>You bend over and grab your cell phone, and surprisingly enough it doesn't get reception here.
>Alright, first things first, you really need to find some clothes, before someone notices you.
>Taking a closer look at some of the buildings you notice an apartment complex, and a poster on the wall.
>Apparently one of these ponies live in the apartment on the second floor, and she'll "design any clothes needed".
>Its worth a shot at least.
>As you head inside and start heading upstairs to the second floor, your phone rings.
>You jump, not expecting to hear marimba.
>Cautiously, you accept the call and slowly bring it to your ear.
"Hello, who is this and what the hell is going on?"
>All you hear is a bunch of laughing, this guy must be a dick.
"I'm waiting you ass.."
>"Oh fine, My name is Discord, and you are going to be my next little project."
>What is he talking about?
>"Basically I brought you out of your world and into mine, what you do here is entirely up to you. I'll be watching you, so do try to keep me entertained."
>You hear a meek voice, but you can't make out what she's saying.
>"I would love to stay and chat but I'm late to my friend's tea party. Toodles~"
>You hear him hang up and you're just standing there dumbfounded.
>Taking another deep breath you put that information away for now, once you get dressed you'll figure something out.
>You finish walking up the steps and knock on the door.
>"O-oh! I'll be right there!" You hear the designer shout out to you.
>The door flies open and you look down at her, as she looks up at you.
>She's got cream fur, and her hair is a mixture of blues.
>She's actually kind of cute.
Alright, how do we go about this anons? How does coco react to her first human?
Will I ever learn how to use description properly?
Coco will think that Anon came from some far away land beyond Minotauria and will be extremely honored. None of her colleagues has ever been visited by a... what is anon exactly?
>>Nightmare gets to play mom when Midnight comes home.
Can we talk about how NMM's mother complex works? She has broodmares. She has Octavia's foal. She has an entire guards' worth of potential sires at her disposal. She's practically keked Octavia from motherhood. Does she want to be a mom herself, or is this some sort of sadistic game?
>And she's staring up at you with complete adoration.
>The pony quickly bows her head, obviously thinking you're important.
>"W-welcome to my apartment, sir. What brings you all the way to Equestria?"
>So that's what this place is called.
>Your lips slightly curl up into a smirk.
>This is more like it.
"I am in need of some clothing, and possibly somewhere to stay."
>She looks surprised and a bit excited, having a hard time concealing it as she looks up into your eyes.
>"I-I'll gladly make whatever you wish, for free of course. And if you need somewhere to stay..."
>"I would be absolutely honored if you were to stay with me."
>Well this is a pleasant surprise, you took care of two birds with one stone.
>"B-by the way sir...what exactly are you, if I may ask?"
>Might as well tell her the truth.
>Or maybe the stretched truth.
>After all, as far as you know you're the only human in this 'Equestria'.
"My name is Anonymous, king of the humans. And who are you, little one?"
>You reach out and start petting her mane.
>She blushes a deep shade of red, beautifully contrasting her skin.
>"M-my name is Coco Pommel, your highness. What would you like for me to make for you?"
>You think for a while, placing your chin between your index and thumb.
>After a while you settle on a design and explain it carefully to Coco, who is taking notes as you describe it.
>You figured you would go with a typical black suit, of course with a white dress shirt and a red necktie.
>She quickly sets off to start her work, after offering you a cup of hot chocolate, which you gratefully accept.
>Now the only thing to do is figure out what you want to do while you wait for your clothes.
Alright, I'm going to leave for a couple hours, but I should be able to continue this later tonight. Until then any feedback or suggestions for Anon's plans would be highly appreciated.
>Of course she knows what her job is, she's just too afraid to speak up.
>It's not the first time your presence did this to someone, and the glowing eyes probably helped a lot when it came to terrorizing beings.
"It's a good question. You only said where you are from, not what you are doing here."
>Evidently, a question was not what she hoped to hear.
>The four gazes, all waiting for an answer, freeze her in her place.
>When her silence becomes annoying, which was after about two seconds, you start slowly tapping your hoof on the table to hurry her up.
>You're trying to run a country here, this is not a time for an amateur hour.
>When you're almost about to give up on her, she finally catches up and starts stammering.
>"I'm watching, I mean I'm here to watch over... Griffin Kingdom heard that there was a new Kingdom next to them and wanted some griffin to... help with, help making trade possible. So they wanted to..."
>Her speech is rudely interrupted by Fleur's unapologetic sigh.
>"Equestria and the Griffin Kingdom have a very strong trade relationships. When the trade guild heard that the Crystal Kingdom joined the Equestrian Empire, they asked the Empress to be allowed to appoint their representative to your Council."
>”The Empress agreed, hoping to strengthen our bond with the Griffin Kingdom, and help integrate the Crystal Kingdom's resources to Equestrian and international market."
>You're not sure how you feel about Nightmare helping to trade /your/ resources to other kingdoms, but if the Griffins consider you to be important enough to want an ambassador of sorts in your council, you might be able to use Greta to bypass the ban on having your own international policy.
>You could look into this later when the others are not around.
>Now you move on to some more pressing questions.
"So you were appointed by the Griffin Kingdom, is that correct?"
>You only wait long enough for Greta to nod and then continue speaking.
>She's too stressed and you don't have the patience to wait for her to form another semi-coherent answer.
"Well then, before we can continue, I think we need to make some things clear. Exactly who is directly under Nightmare's authority?"
>If you are to rule your kingdom with these four watching over your back, you need to know who they answer to.
>Your question is answered by the stallion.
>"We ALL serve the Empress, but the only one under her direct authority is her," Soarin casually points to Fleur.
>"March used to work as a foreman for the miners union in Whinnyapolis. The Empress asked her to join your council because of her expertise with managing large scale mining operations, but she doesn't directly answer to anypony, except for you, your highness."
>"Greta answers to the Griffin Kingdom. Empress Moon created her position, but didn't have any say in who will the griffins fill it with."
>"And myself, Empress asked Cloudsdale to provide a pegasus to act as your military adviser. So, I'm here because of the Empress, but /directly/ I answer to the Cloudsdale Senate. They chose me, because from all the Wonderbolts available, I was the one with most experience."
Stay with Coco, ask her about Equestria. That you heard many things, of course, but what does she think is the best part of it and stuff like that.
And since you are sleeping in her house, check it out. Does she have a guest room? Is she going to let a king sleep on the floor, or is she going to give him her own bed while she sleeps on the floor beside him. Will you be sleeping in the bed together?
Ah, and get some decent food ffs.
>Well you should probably find out more about where exactly you are.
>The only problem is to ask without drawing too much suspicion.
>Mulling it over with a sip of cocoa, you walk up beside her and sit on the counter.
"So, Miss Pommel, why don't you tell me a bit about your home?"
>She's still smiling, just happy to be in contact with royalty.
>Lucky for you she gives you a pretty well described rundown of Equestria.
>For instance, there are 3 normal races of ponies, earth, unicorn, and pegasi, as well as the four princesses who are...alicorns?
>You let out a slight chuckle when you found out that this city was called Manehatten, because puns can be funny sometimes.
>Apparently there are these 6 special ponies that everyone knows about, the 'Elements of Harmony'.
>You were kind of losing interest at that point, so you don't know exactly what all the fuss is about.
>Maybe they're like a band or something?
>In any case, your stomach starts growling a bit.
"Sorry to interrupt, but I had quite a long journey..do you have anything to eat?"
>Taking a break from her work she heads into the kitchen and starts looking around at what she has.
>She looks happily surprised and she quickly makes dinner for the two of you.
>You thank her and dig in, not realizing how hungry you actually were.
>Honestly, its actually really good...whatever it is.
>Even if it doesn't have any meat involved.
>That might take some getting used to, but it certainly isn't the worst change you've been through.
>Nothing can be worse than puberty.
>She collects the dirty dishes and quickly does them, then turns to face you.
>"S-so, your highness, where would you like to sleep tonight?"
>You realize that the choice is up to you, and she's been really nice since you've been here.
>Smiling at her, you stare into her eyes.
"I'll just sleep on the couch."
>"I couldn't let you do that! Please...take my bed, sir?"
"Fine, but only if you'll join me."
How should she react?
>Her entire face takes on a deep shade of red and she starts stammering.
>You inhale and swear you can almost smell Italian food.
>"W-well I'm n-not sure I c-can do that s-sir."
>"I m-mean I'd l-like to, but it m-might not b-be entirely a-appropriate..."
>"A-also you're a k-k-king, and I'm j-just-"
>You interrupt the adorable pony with a quick and passionate kiss.
>Her lips are so soft and warm, even when she's in shock.
>You pull away with a smirk.
"I think I'm going to head to bed a while, I hope you'll consider my offer."
>You quickly turn around and walk away from her, not bothering to see her reaction.
>Walking into her bedroom, you take it all in.
>Her bed would certainly be large enough for the two of you.
>The walls are painted the same lilac color as her butt tattoo thingy.
>You look out her window, enjoying the view of the city lights at night before closing the curtains.
>There's other odds and ends, like closets and drawers, but you just get in the bed awhile.
It's kind of small, I didn't want the whole apartment to be swamped in pasta.
I also took a break here because I wanted to ask you something. Would you like to see parts of the story in different character's povs?
A couple of options I'm thinking of atm:
>Just stick with anon
>Switch to Coco
>Switch to Discord
>Switch to Mane 6
Besides that, if anyone has any ideas feel free to mention them. I have work in the morning so I'm going to try to get to sleep, if I can't get to sleep I'll write more, otherwise if there's enough feedback I should be able to write one or two posts before I go.
>I'll have to think of a place to stick anon that he can live in for a while without drawing much attention.
I thought I mentioned it when I mentioned Manehatten.
Ah, here it is.
>Maybe Manehatten. Coco and Suri live and work there, right?
You could have him being taken in by them, or just Suri, depending on how you want to have their housing set up.
Maybe Anon was spending time in the police station while things are being sorted out, but no-one has any idea of what the heck to do in this situation, so they start looking for people willing to host the strange creature until things get sorted (and they work up the chain of command all the way to the princesses
who could be tied up in paperwork for potentially a very long time.and the elements.
Having Anon grouped with Suri and Coco gives you an initial dom and sub character to work with, depending on whether you want to develop this as a subanon story or a domanon story. Their motivation could be to finally have a minotaur-looking model to build their clothes off of, plus, looking at the marketing implications of having the only one of it's species working for Suri. Basically, every reason for a Rarity x Anon story, except with more overt money motivations.
The elements would be looking for what Discord changed, but give up quick, since they're in the wrong city, and they don't know what they're looking for. They'd begin to suspect that Discord was just screwing with them by pretending to cast a spell.
Also, don't be afraid to rewrite your first entry or two if it doesn't gel with the new story direction, or you want to change some details. Just please remember to keep the earlier versions, even if they're not as good. Just rename them "Chapter 1 - old version 1" or something.
I'll catch up on the rest of your posts before I post again.
No, stick just to Anon, this is his story.
Get naked and get in the bed, ponies don't usually sleep in their clothes an neither should Anon. Possibly look for some books to read if Anon's not sleepy enough and Coco takes her time.
Well, that's pretty much a non-answer for Soarin'. It's how he got here, but not much of a why. I'm starting to wonder if Nightmare deliberately saddled us with advisors who will give the opportunity to circumvent her, as a sort of test to see if we would.
Anyhow, Greta has a purpose on the council. She stays long enough to see if she can grow a backbone and carry it out. Mind you, I also want to grab some of that griffon tail later on. I wonder how much she'd stammer once we've got her nice and strapped down?
More immediately, what kinds of operations does Soarin' expect to be involved in here?