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Princess Applejack
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You are currently reading a thread in /mlp/ - My Little Pony

Thread replies: 512
Thread images: 25
Howdy, partner!

What you see here began as a series of comedy-centric stories with the concept of an alicorn-ascended Princess Applejack trying to change a mismanaged Equestria for the better by humorously interacting with the other, quite lazy, princesses.

Not to mention a whole bunch of Changelings with nothing better to do but cause mischief.

The whole thing was set in motion by this gem:


>So, wait, why am Ah' a princess again?

>Because you seem to be the only goddamn one of those ponies who gets that a Princess need to do actual work regarding maintenance of the kingdom. You know how much city planning or trade negotiations Twilight or Luna have done? Fucking nothing. Everyone is obsessed with the world ending threats they think I should fight, but the minute I point out the free health care I have to work to maintain everyone goes quiet. And don't even get me started on Cadence, who can't even manage a basic meeting with the Equestrian Games representative. Fucking annoying. Go do actual princess stuff, because apparently everyone else got the pamphlets mixed up or something and thinks "Princess" means "Beat cop."


Are you feeling creative? Try your hand at writing a story! No contribution is too small and we love having new folks around.

If you're more artistically inclined give a drawing or sketch a shot. Don't fret too much; it doesn't have to be fancy and we appreciate artwork a lot.

If that isn't your style either, writers always need feedback. So tell us what you liked - and what you didn't - to help us improve.

If you are unsure about anything, do not be afraid to ask. We will gladly bring you up-to-date or explain anything you feel is unclear.

Thread 106, the one where AJ gets a politics sized headache.
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59. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/21619890/
60. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/21715642/
61. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/21858107/
62. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/21945390/
63. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/22007346/
64. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/22086019/
65. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/22152409/
66. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/22223659/
67. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/22274618/
68. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/22337892/
69. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/22395817/
70. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/22458614/
71. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/22571091/
72. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/22651546/
73. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/22736626/
74. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/22828938/
75. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/22908818/
76. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/22963669/
77. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/23030892/
78. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/23102420/
79. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/23200765/
80. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/23282365/
81. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/23369224/
82. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/23443675/
83. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/23520799/
84. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/23581564/
85. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/23656624/
86. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/23764354/
87. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/23878745/
88. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/23973977/
89. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/24059974/
90. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/24160401/
91. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/24245691/
92. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/24333335/
93. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/24423649/
94. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/24476469/
95. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/24523227/
96. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/24574722/
97. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/24626415/
98. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/24690967/
99. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/24759374/
100. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/24814923/
101. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/24894930/
102. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/24958159/
103. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/25046878/
104. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/25132701/
105. desustorage.org/mlp/thread/25222467/
Here is full archive of ALL the stories in condensed, easy-to-read form with all chatter in-between removed.
Check out the pastebin here:

Curious what happened last time, or just wanna know what happens during an active thread?
Check out the previous thread here:https://desustorage.org/mlp/thread/25222467
You are completely new and have no idea what is going on? There is a wikia with an overview of all characters, a complete timeline, previous thread recaps and explanation of the various concepts used in these stories!
Check out the wiki here:http://princess-aj.wikia.com/wiki/Princess_Applejack_Wiki

Confused about when a character first showed up or who they are? Want to know when an arc started?
Check out the character notes and details here :

We have begun working on a big project to fix up old stories and make this crazy world more coherent and accessible to new readers who don't like the thread format.
Check out the 'Princess Applejack: Re-Cut Edition' here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/15cv3kqExr_vOM0JkUh4dqnvVKxJ5Z-P1KHwE8Z7aG0k/edit?usp=sharing
And finally, while most of the thread is very much clop free, we have a pastebin in case you're feeling a little more naughty with your writing, find it here. http://pastebin.com/u/PrincessAJAfterDark please upload any like it to a pastebin so they can be added out of thread.
And above all else, enjoy your stay at /paj/!
Can't bonk the ponk!
Good evening Princess Applejack I was wondering what your thoughts were on the ESRB system. Personally I think they are unfair because my m...... housekeeper says that they are too violent for children. Can you please put a ban on the esrb?

Not Button Mash.

Ps: I think your pretty if that helps the chances of removing it.
It's /pa/

None of the main cast get bonked, not even the married one!
I'm on thread 80 now.
I assume sunset survives as a zombie/changling.
What do they do with her when they kick varoulius out? is she actually gone?
So then that is an accurate statement.

Check and mate.
>Second spoiler

I do not know to which 'who' you are referring, if it is __________Sunset_____- then no, she is not. If it is ______Varry bo barry_____ then yes, she is.

She has two possible 'endings' and it's left up to you to pick which one you like as to what afterlife she ended up with.

I like the second one a lot more...
Pinkie Preview Prophecies

>Applejack gets into a banjo duel with another pony.
>Chrysalis and Pinkie have a dirty joke off.
>Fluttershy explains that life finds a way.
>Rarity and Twilight develop an enchanted charm bracelet.
>Rainbow Dash and Gilda get drunk, but they still have to do drills.
>Luna pranks Celestia.
>The Crusaders unmasks a ghost.
>juicy fanservice!

>Hey, Celly? Gotta question.

"And I hold in my hoof the power to destroy this world and all you love. Which, I ask, will you risk for such a simple question?"


"WOW! Okay, WOW!"

>Ah' ain't riskin' nothin', Ah' just wanna watch ya' try ta' outfox mah' granny.

"...Fair enough. So, what was your question?"

>Ya' seem relaxed fer this.

"I've found a bit of... stress relief."

>In the tub, ya' mean?

"Oh no, did you see-"

>Ah' don't care what'cha do ta' who under that water, and Ah' don't wanna know.


>SAID AH' DON'T WANNA KNOW!... Mah question is, do we have a government mail system? It seems kinda random. Like, Ah' get having competing businesses, but shouldn't we have an official one for the common folk to use?



"...Shit. Well, the short answer is, uh... we HAD one, but..."


"Ieeeee... burned it down."


"...Don't you want to know why?"


"Oh... okay, so-"

>So this all yer' fault.

"Okay, that's just stating a fact."

>As opposed ta' all the other times?

"...right through the heart, AJ, right through the heart..."
Do you really want that spoiled for you? It gets pretty emotional with her.
>Big Mac and Granny, after getting spooked by the changeling still being an apple, confront AJ about not visiting them.
>That's when AJ learns that Applebloom has not, in fact, been at the farm. She panics, naturally, but after she remembers she was supposed to go camping this week, reasons that Applebloom is just moping in her room back in Canterlot since she cancelled so aburptly, and feels bad about leaving her behind.
>Speaking of Applebloom, she and the other two come across a spooky house in the middle of nowhere during a thunderstorm. Naturally, they decide hypothermia death is probably preferable to going inside.
>Until the house drops a bowl of candy for them, of course, in which case Sweetie is now all for this shit.
>After she's snapped up, they feel that leaving Sweetie to die is more preferable than going inside, but it seems Winona has a moral compass. They all get locked in.
>29 faces more trials that Luna hopes will teach him lessons. Unfortunately, all they do is confuse and make him annoyed, since he can't follow her string of specific logic, which makes her angry and annoyed.
>Also, 29 kills a chipmunk in one such 'test', thinking its an illusion... it uh... it probably wasn't...
>GambLing doesn't know if gambling is illegal... if that makes any sense...
>Dinner at the CE house with special guest, Stormy Flare!
>Mane-Iac cheers Chrysalis up.
>LD is worried about Fleetfoot and Soarin' being back on.
>Fluttershy finally learns what Seven is doing. It turns out, he's using changeling mind-magic to stimulate parts of the brain of predators in order to give them sentience to understand the concept of 'love' better, hoping to turn them into a farmable resource so that they do not need to drain ponies anymore. He tried with smaller animals like rabbits or the like, but couldn't manage, predators are all that work. We learn he managed this because Bubbles, the Timberwolf, had been experimented on previously for this exact same thing, and that allowed him to move forwards.
>However, it currently isn't working as planned, he's putting in more love to make them think and advance then he is getting back, which is why he is so frequently sickly.
>Now, Fluttershy is faced with a dilemma. He is clearly upsetting the natural order and giving minds to things not meant to have them, but he is not hurting them or the like. He asks her if she wants him to shut it down and make it go back to normal, and she flees.
>She goes to the moon, where she meets none other than discord. During an argument, it's revealed one issue she has with this is that he's changing someone who can't give consent and granting them abilities they may not even want... just like herself.
>Discord is still bitter because he thought he was helping when that happened, so he doesn't see why everyone is always on his case about that. He brings up a planet to prove the point that chaos is just plain better than order, and that Twilight certainly brought chaos into Fluttershy's life as well.
>Fluttershy comes to a realization that some chaos IS good, but when it came all at once, she couldn't handle it.
>Discord admits that he was just trying to help, and she consoles him. Together, they both come to a realization
>At last, she understands what she needs to do, at least partially, and thinks she needs to go talk to someone.
>SA and 18 go off on their date, AND... nothing is going wrong. Nothing. Everything is fine.
>Eighteen is going crazy waiting for the earth shattering kaboom.
>Applejack is putting the changeling to work down at Ponyville in hillarious ways.
>Twilight is almost done with her orb-reader thing, and thinks Chrysalis is going to be just so happy about it!
>OOCO event, Chrysalis and Spike are still under Canterlot, and Chrysalis does not want a gun.
>AJ has a tender moment with Big Mac
>Chitania goes down to Ponyville, gets lost.
>Cadence, without telling anyone, cancelled her plans for the night that prevented her from going out with Shining and 18 because it hit her that she doesn't know if 18 is in disguise, and if two Cadences get seen the jig might be up. She muses that she's been feeling more and more useless lately, and the idea that this could take away her one good thing, that she beings happiness to her subjects, by making them wonder if it's even her helping them is too much.
>Chrysalis sneaks up on her, and Cadence reacts reasonably... by shooting and then biting her.
>However, with some prodding, eventually Cadence starts to spill about some fears she's been having..
>Back at the Gryphon Kingdom, Pennydrop begins her final plans! Just before Lavan can reach the kingdom, she reveals what she's been building this whole time, METAL DEER HAWK... which is odd because it's a giant mechanical gryphon...
>She engages Lavan in battle, why slyly implying that there was nothing else interesting for him to see. She pulls out all the stops and weapons, none of which manages to actually damage Lavan, but during the course of a desperate act they find out Lavan really fears rainbows for some reason.
>After a long, drawn out battle, she forces Lavan out of the kingdom with one final, explosive attack, which also doesn't hurt him. However, he understands that's all she had, and decides he's seen everything interesting here and decides to leave.
>Gwen is overcome with joy to the point of tears that they protected her subjects, and as one the other kings hail the forever more king and queen of Af Gryphonia!
>Beside them, Pennydrop can't help but feel like it's actually her she's cheering for...
>Unknown to the royals, they weren't the only ones there. Several airships, hidden from each other too, carrying the dignitaries and royals of others in the world, including Saddle Arabia and the Yaks or what have you, watched the battle, and ask if they want to sign on.
>Needless to say, they all do, and thus Fawntaine Futuristics gains a lot more customers, and Pennydrop's power... grows.
>The world is changing.
>And all the while, Applejack is having fun.

Hoo boy, bigguns dropped last thread. Love me some politics but hoping this one gets a little more personal for the crew.

As always, if I missed something, then you've found my secret that I am not in fact a robot, so please don't tell my mechanical overlords, and tell me about it when it's safe or else they'll shoot me with lasers. And I can't get shot with lasers, I'm driving later.

Don't drink and get shot with lasers, /pa/.
Thanks for summing that up, didn't have time for a 13 part story today...


"And you complained to me."

'She's got a point, Jackie, this kinda is setting a bad example for your student.'

>Sunset, don't ever do what Ah' just did.

"But it's okay when you do it."




"I've learned not to argue. That made me a changeling-zombie thing... somehow... so I'm just rolling with it."

'Ah... so are we actually going to go help those guys?'

>They kinda brought it on themselves.

'By doing what you said to do?'

"And then did yourself?"



'...I think you need to rethink this teacher job.'

>Why? This is easy as buckin' on a sunny day.

"...that changeling just got crushed by a hay pile."

>Is he dead?


>See? Easy as pie.

'...maybe I wasn't the best influence on you...'
Do as she does, not as she say- er...

Do as she says, not as she do- er...

...Just do it.
Sidecharacters also don't get bonked... sometimes.

Other times they do.

It's very odd.
...Hey, I just realized.

Where the fuck is Sombra?
Liam Neeson is a very persuasive man...
Story wise, he doesn't really have much to do. Sure he has something you want done but he has very little connection to the rest of the main plot. Everybody else is just more interesting
More like pile of ash. She's got some dark secrets in there...
As with all things it depends on whether or not it's funnier if they don't get it. If it's funny year to deny them or only imply it, that's what we do. If it's not particularly funny one way or another we tend to be kinder. It's all about the comedy.
Oh, no. I just wanted to give a nod to the mailpony that tried to deliver to Discord.

Was it referencing an old story because I don't remember her burning the mail system.
Always Sombra's lot...
Always about the comedy indeed
Morning thread.
Hey, play it is open if you want to take a swing at it. Not like anybody is going to stop you.

"So let met get this straight. You want me to put landmines... in your bathroom."

>That's the short of it, yep.

"LANDMINES... in your bathroom."

>Just make sure you tell me where ya' put 'em. Me, and nobody else.



"... is this to blow up my brother?"

>W-whaaa? Noooo.


>...hoping to hit Celestia too-


>You'd understand if they did it to you-


>fine... thought we were friends... rassafrassa...


"...pfft, as if, Shiny can come in my bathroom anytime he wants, even if I'm using it! Doesn't bother me none... I even kind of like it..."

Nothing had happened yet.

No explosions, no blasts of any number of substances, no trips and medical emergencies, no battles for life, not even any fire.

There wasn't even any fire.

Instead, she had learned Shining had a love for collecting comic books, which she knew, now knew his favorite book series about a grizzled old solider, and ants.

Apparently, Shining loved his ants.

"So that's when mom said "If you even think about messing this up, I will personally set you on fire, son! Don't think I won't! Honey? Tell him!" and dad just kinda nodded... needless to say, the rest of Twilight's birthday was a liiiitle awkward."

Nothing, absolutely nothing was going wrong.

Yet she still felt like there was something that was going to happen, something... big.

"Hey, you know, I know you don't like to talk about it too much, but uh... what was it like before all this for you?"



"You don't have to tell me if you don't want."

>...I guess... I probably should eventually...


>...There was this one time Chrysalis totally set a church on fire.

"Now this I HAVE to hear- wait, anyone dead?"

>Nobody was in it.

"This has raised further questions, explain."

Could it be possible?

Could really nothing go wrong?

...Nah, something was going to explode, she just fucking knew it.

>So it started with a clown...
>Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter, and my show makes better sense when you're sleepy! Now for our main segment...running!
Canned applause from DT's backpack as Pinkie carries them all.

'...why did it do that?'

>When will you learn not to question things when I'm around?

"...she has you there."

[Just leave me. I'd slow you down.]

>Hey, don't say that. We're not going to leave you to the shadows!

'I probably could.'

"You're not helping."

'I'm just being honest here.'

[I'd understand if you did. I'm a useless pony who can't do anything right. If you take me with you, I'll probably make things worse.]

"...you're not useless."

[You don't even know me princess Cadence.]

Cadence looks straight on.
"I don't care...you're not useless..."

'Hey, now that I'm looking around, this dream Ponyville has all the streets mixed up.'

>Oh...that explains why we haven't reached Sugar Cube Corner.

'Really? That was your plan? What are we going to do at Sug-'


They all tumble over.

>Why'd you scream and make us fall?

[Look at your hooves!]

The shards embedded in Pinkie earlier turned into small Shadow Derpys
{No escape!}
DT checks herself and finds out she's covered in small eyeless Derpy shadows.
{We've got you now.}

'They're crawling in my skin!'

>So much for healing our wounds at Sugar Cube Corner!

"Is this real?! What should I do?!"

They try to brush themselves off.
>I still have a plan, but we need to get to Sugar Cube Corner. Fly up and look for the pink sugary building

Cadence flies up and scans her surroundings.
"...I see it!"

>Good, now fly-
Cadence scoops them all up and zips through the air.
>This is good, but we probably shouldn't crash through the window.

They crash through the door leaving a shape of themselves.

Never ceases to be mindfucked and awesome.
>Finish up last thread
>Pennydrop played everyone, including MOTHERFUCKING LAVAN

You know, it would be pretty poetic if the final boss of /pa/ was an earth pony who lied as often as she breathed, sought magic and power with reckless abandon, and actively sought control of Equestria for herself..

She's pretty much nega-AJ.
>Prefers robots over hard work
>Isn't totally self reliant, prefers to have others do her dirty work
>is actually good at business.

>I suck. I must commit Sudoku
she commits Sudoku

Everything is instantly better for it. Equestria becomes a utopia, Chitty's heart explodes, Penndrop turns herself in, Lavan fucks off, and Spike, now taller and buff and totally a badass who can beat all threats, fucks Applejack and Rarity.
>Chitty's heart explodes,


Fuck you, Chitty's awesome.
She just sits there until the collective Gojira-boner needs seeing to
She sits there being funny, you mean. Funny and cute with 13 too.

She's one of the few side characters who is funny even when not doing her 'thing'
So good end if Chitty lives then?
I guess still bad end for me since I actually Chrysalis's story and want to see it fullfilled, but for sure Chitty dying is a bad end. Fucking love megabug.

Probably because she has multiple 'things'

Her Momma subplot, getting lost, her thing with PM, her subplot with the librarian, her interactions with AJ, her backstory stuff... Oh, and she brings the best action sequences, that's a thing too.

She has more than 'a thing', I guess?
>Shiny still doesn't get laid, even in a utopia


If he heard another carnival theme in his entire life, it was going to be a sign there was no merciful god, and that he was not saving ghost children, he was exploding them.

Not all that bad a fate if this was the alternative.

>...Are thou even trying?

Randomly, a clown walked out in front of him, hit him with a pie, and rolled off.

>I'll take that as a no.

"Of course we are! We.. well, of course we intended this to be, uh... w-well, the circus is a sign of the fun of youth, so we have... uh..."

>Thou have what?

"...oh! We're symbolizing that thine ego is a joke?"

As if in response to such a claim, he was run over by a clowncart very shortly.

>Ah... ha ha, ah ha ha, ha. I have been slain with laughter and inspiration. Thank goodness thou was here to show me the light that mine sense of self worth is some kind of cosmic joke.


>Thou does know jokes are meant to be watched and participated in, right? You are encouraging me to continue, because it brings others joy. Which I knew, thou simply does not understand the difference of types of joy. Hardly surprising.

Strangely, there was no strangling, no barking of anger, nothing.

Simply... silence.

"...I don't get it..."

The darkness came rolling in waves, until it consumed the faux funhouse she had created. It left behind... nothing. Nothing but empty, black darkness all around.

>...Well? What is mine next test?

Silence once more, but this time it felt different.

This time it felt... lonely.

>Hello? Princess? What is mine next test?



Endless, unfathomable, nothing.


On and on, forever more, leaving him alone.

Leaving him... cold.

>...well, that's at least one lesson learned...
EQUESTRIA was a utopia. Didn't say anything about Crystal Canada. But on that note with >>25307634
>Shiny has his blood lust sated and loses a suitor.
>Cadence is still asexual but has one less opponent.
>18 and/or 42 inherits rule of the hive and promptly integrate them with society.
...So it's still a bad end for the CE.

Not complaining, just pointing out that absolutely none of that sounds anywhere near as good as the other stuff. It's essentially
>Shiny stops being mad at Chitania and Sunset, but the rest of his life is the same
>Cadence never had 'opponents', she knew full well she hadn't just won the bowl, it's on motherfucking lock for the rest of time, so all she lost is a buddy who occasionally saves her kingdom and is attracted to her husband but never does anything with him
>18 hates the hive with a passion, so it all falls on 42, who has said multiple times she doesn't think she could handle being Queen, and probably couldn't, and now has to deal with one of her friends being dead.

This is all pretty awful for them, on the whole. Again, not complaining, just saying. Little lopsided.
It was meant to be. I just had a though of what would hateboner of Bugbitch AJ/Spike (even though we mostly fixed that) would think would happen if the one that they view as the cause of all problems dropped dead exaggerated with the view of some anons.
I had nothing for the CE because they are, as you pointed out, a net negative without her. Whereas the only ones on the Canterlot side that needed her (aside from companionship) was Fluttershy and Twilight but we fixed that.
Think the joke is
>She doesn't even live there or interact with Equestria as a whole, or cause any of the problems since the Hive is in Canada, but if she killed herself all problems would be fixed.

Das da' joke, mang.

"Didn't take you for one who enjoyed the party life."

Her response was a lopsided smile, and slamming her cup to the table. She felt that said it all.

>Keeping a professional face has it's limits.

"Indeed... as I'm sure my husband can attest to."

His response, in turn, was a bellowing belly belch as he too slammed a cup to the table.

'If I had to shake one more talon or give one more speech, I was going to shove this crown right up the nearest royal ass and tell them they could have it.'

"And thus, the Af Gryphonia dynasty crumbles, in the grandest of ways."

>Pffft, not after all I just had to pull off, you'd better not. If you guys threw in the towel now, You'd so not get a Hearth's Warming card this year.

"Hearth's Warming?"

>...Oh, right. Nevermind.

"Still, while your party skills are impressive, they are sadly..."


"Nothing compared to his... sigh."

The response from her youngest son was only to swing by on a banner, hanging by nothing but his hind a female gryphon on each arm.

'Rather disappointing that he was the only one who didn't manage to sway anyone...'

"I can't say I'm surprised or even disappointed at this point."

>Hey he looks fun to me.

"No, if you want fun, you have to go to-"


"...that one."

The mare slowly looked over her shoulder, to the odd thing frantically poking at her side with one hoof, while a book hung taut in the other.

>I think one of your robots is malfunctioning. Also, betrayal, this is clearly not one of mine.

{Vekir is not robot, she is morlock!}

>Oh, I see... what the fuck is a morlock?

{Ehhhh, sun demon is hidden behind tarp, Vekir should be fine.}

>Am I supposed to know what that-

With a CLICK her helmet fell away.


{No, Vekir is Morlock! Not... thing you said!}

>What the fuck!?

{Morlock! Vekir is Morlok! Morlock ambassador, to be precise! Morlocks live under Sisslestia castle!}



"You reacted remarkably well to that."

>I don't even care anymore at this point. What can I help you with, er, Veker?



{Vekir is ambassador who is visiting Catbirds to learn of Catbird things! So, since you are friend of Catbirds, Vekir wishes to be your friend as well!}

>...Sure, you know what? Why not.

{HUZZAH! Friendship has been made!}

>Just out of curiosity, what, exactly, is the 'sun demon'?

{The sun demon is the great thing in the sky that steals the souls of the morlocks! It rips them from body and turns body... TO GOOO!}


"They melt in the sun, apparently."

>They melt? Like... melt melt?

{Puddles are left!... That is not a huzzah.}

'They're, uh... quite interesting.'

>Yes... you certainly seem as such.

{Vekir thanks you!... Would you mind signing Vekir's book? Sisslestia princess said she needs to get one from all leaders in order to prove she is Ambassador worthy!}

>All leaders you say?... Hrm... tell me, what is the point of all this, Vekir?

{We muchly wish to trade! Brother Rekulk is trade with City of White, but we muchly wish trade with whole big world! If Vekir Ambassadors good enough, everyone will trade with morlocks!}

>...Tell me, Vekir, if I managed to set you up with meeting the other leaders, would you like to trade with me?

To say she had wonder in her wide, innocent eyes simply did not cut it. She looked, for all the world, like she had found the secret portal to candy and puppy land... and she was allowed to eat both.



{That is what Vekir said! Thank you so much!}

>Oh, don't thank me... today is all about helping friends, after all...

"...Ignoring how creepy you sound when you're drunk, How nice!"

'Yes, very kind of you.'

{HUZZAH! Vekir will remember this!}

>...just helping out...

"Seriously, I'm cutting you off."



>I've had enough....

{Vekir thinks this is going to end great!}
...This is going to end SO BADLY
Everyone is pretty much going to be fucked if PD gets at the monsters and minerals beneath Canterlot.
Fuck the monsters and shit, she could have a factory UNDER CANTERLOT

Someone needs to so something, like... now?
There is no utopia perfect enough,

It simply does not exist.

>...Pshoooo... my, what a boring day.


>With the new at ease attitude towards my species, I've been fielding less and less complaints here recently.


>And of course, they never had much interest in us to begin with.


>So... I'm mostly waiting. There is nothing that needs filing right now.


>...If only there was something interesting me and you and I could do.


>...If only there was something...


>...On this desk, perhaps? Or really anywhere, not picky.


>...Something... fun?

"...Do you juggle?"

>I can juggle certain things if you want, yes.

"Well, I mean, if you're not good with it, you shouldn't go past balls."

>Oh, I am a wizard with balls.

"Huh. Cool! Lemme see!"

>...Did you just actually hoof me juggling balls?

"Wha? Are these not your type? They work great for JJ."





"Awww, don't be so hard on yourself, juggling isn't for everybody!"

>...one of these days you're going to get it, and I won't know what to do.

"Don't you mean you'll get it?"


"The juggling, I mean."


"I thought I was being supportive..."

No, see, HE'S never getting laid.

Because, like 29, it's just plain funny if he never gets none.
Be honest with me. Does ANYbody EVER get laid here? No? Thought so.
Oh sure, plenty of characters.

Dadling and Batmom, obviously.
77 and Cheers go at it plenty.
Twi's mom and dad are kinky as shit.
Pinkie's Parents are FREAKS in the sack.
Seven's been banging that scientist mare, Spike even walked in on him, sorta.
Pommel and Daw bang plenty.

Ton of others I'm forgetting too, but if you're a side character, you've got a decent chance, it's just funnier when it doesn't happen in canon.

NC they fuck like rabbits, though.
Sweet Note used to all the time, obviously.

Librarian Mare is in a very active relationship with her wife(girlfriend?)

Fleetfoot and Soarin' probably banged LD(Yes, at the same time, I assume.)

Your chances of getting laid are totally inverse to how much screentime you get, with one exception. 55 isn't banging that red headed chick because she's one of those proper 'Not before marriage' types. Aside from that? Hide from the camera, and you might get you some.
Sombra, Flash, Fizzle, Arkwardling, Arana, Blueblood... All of them exceptions to the rule? Step it up!
He forgot the qualifier "You have to actually be IN a relationship" for it to work, otherwise you never get laid.

Works for Seven and SN because it tied into their plot, but you notice all the others getting some? In a relationship.

If PJ started dating Haymaker with her current level of screentime, they'd be going at it so often Blueblood would never get the castle clean, for example. Gotta be IN a relationship first, otherwise you get nothing.
>He forgot the qualifier "You have to actually be IN a relationship" for it to work, otherwise you never get laid.

Actually, yes, exactly that. I cannot believe I forgot that line, because it was literally the whole reason I brought up 55(He was the exception to the rule since he's in a relationship but isn't getting none.)

Everyone else? 10, Haymaker, QS, Gambling, The Rainbolts and so on? You don't get you none unless you're actually dating/married to someone.
>Fleetfoot and Soarin' probably banged LD(Yes, at the same time, I assume.)

I beg your fucking pardon!?
Not him, but
>Day before Hearth's Warming, FF and Soarin' are at the WB headquarters
>They are seemingly the only ones there and have been there a while, and are super fucking shocked to see Dash there, because everyone else is gone for the holidays
>Then Dash goes back to her office and she finds LD on her desk in racy lingerie.
>LD, presumably, had no idea Dash was going to be there either, because how could she have known?

...I mean, how the fuck else am I supposed to read that scene? What, that she was just waiting? That they turned her down? They were still party-buddies at that point.

Oh, and later we find out that she bugged their uniforms, SOMEHOW. Again, how else do you read that? FF and Soarin' totally double-teamed her.

>Okay, so, this went south pretty fast.



>Thank you, Winona! Just... thank you, thank ya' so much, Ah' just never would'a known it iffin' it wasn't fer' you. A right revelation, that's what this was!

"What did she say?"

>Ain't gotta gaddng clue, but Ah' don't want her mad at me till she cuts us out of the GADDANG GIANT SPIDER WEB!

"...I think it's something else, actually."

>What else could it possibly be!?

"I dunno, just looks more like a... what do you call it, those thing butterflies come out of?"


"No, not her, the butterfly thing!




'I think you mean cocoon.'

>...Or cocoon, yeah, Ah' guess that works.


>...wait... where... where was...


'Would you like some candy?'





...uh... slight issue there.
I've seen enough hentai to know that's bullshit.
I mean, he's a floating head anyway.

Just use your imagination.
You don't know, maybe LD was just following her around in her lingerie, just waiting for a moment when she was alone.


>I'm starting to think this was a bad idea.



'Yeah, really?'

"SHE said it was a bad idea. Her. Her bad ideas are the worst ideas."


'Hey, you don't know, that might mean it was a really good idea!'


"Do you really want to take that gamble? What are we risking in exchange? We just naturally have good ideas, we don't need to lean on chance."


'Where would we be if we didn't take a chance on her ideas?'

>FU... uh... was that bad?




"...It's not that big a deal anyway."

'Yeahhh, we can do better.'

"Come on, Chrysalis!"

>...I still wanted to play croquet, I just thought it was a bad idea because you don't know the rules...


>...Seventy Seven will play with me, assholes.

"Er, Majesty, while I am glad you wished to spend time with me, and I certainly love having a partner for this since Cheerilee finds it incredibly boring, uh... I wish you'd stop scowling."


"Oh... okay... so, uh, your serve?"


"...You were supposed to hit the little poles, not the.. not the princesses head."


"Right... right, double points..."


'You broke her skull!'

>That just means I was doing it right!


>Wait, shit...

~~~One war later~~~~~

'HOW!? Our lands, all our armies, DECIMATED! We're ruined! You control everything!'

>Huh. That actually went really well for me... OH SHIT! NOW I ACTUALLY HAVE TO RULE AND FIX THIS PLACE!.... Fuck that! You deal with this, bitch!


'...Everything went better than expected.'
>It all goes horribly wrong at the end, just after it looks like she's won.

Can't say it's not consistent.
Eh, depends on if she's hospitalized or dead.

Admittedly, her luck was always going to run out eventually, but still.
Maybe she's like Celestia now after all the love, and that's just a brief vacation.

So she has to keep doing it over and over and over and over...
And thus, this time, it's Celly who goes "HAH!"
Huh. Is there anyone in a relationship besides Shiny who isn't having sex? Outside of omakes, I mean.
Spike, kinda? Dunno if he counts since he's in jailbait wait territory.
Not in a relationship, No. We just like torturing him.
Hey! We gave him the one, we are not monsters.... Mostly. Unless chrysalis is involved. Then we can get kind of mean.

Or if we talk about Chitty'a backstory, them we get downright sadistic.



>Is it just me, or is everythin' going... too well.


"What do you mean?"

>Ah' just mean that Ponyville seems ta' be givin' us less hassle than Canterlot did.

'Applejack no.'

"Huh, you know, I did notice that too. Think it's because Ponyville has had to put up with them more?"

>Dunno, maybe we're just nicer round these parts. For whatever reason, it's just goin' good.

'Stop, please stop.'

"Well, thank goodness for small blessings, right?"

>Yep! Who knows, we might be able ta' wrap this whole part o' the trip up in no time!

"Then what?"

>Dunno, guess Ah'll have ta' start figurin' that one out. Thought Ah' was gonna have ta' take longer for this, but as long as this keeps up like it is...

'Applejack why.'

"Huh. So we're just banking on nothing going wrong?"

>Somethin' really wrong would have ta' happen ta' mess this up.

'You're doing this on purpose.'

>Yep. Looks like smooth-

>...Looks like smooth-
>...Looks like smooth sailing-

>What in tarnation!?

'You did this. You called this, you monster.'



'...Your fault.'

{Princess A-}

[There! Okay! We found them! They're right there! They're right in front of us! Are you happy now!? Is this not what you wanted!?]

{Mom! I'm trying to talk to the princess!}

[Just call her Apple pony, it's what I do.]

>No ya' don't.

[What did you say, Apple pony?]

>...Ah' hate you so much.

[That's no way to talk to your buddy.]


>Is there any reason y'all are down here?

[We're visiting.]

{MOM! Let me talk!}

>So... yer' gonna be here... for more than a minute?

"Annnd, most of Ponyville are running back inside their houses."



>You say somethin', Pinkie?

'...this is the grave you chose...'
Not really trying that hard, Pinkie.
Face it, some part of her wanted to watch it all burn ... a very very big part of her...
We make up for it by having omake shiny be a complete and utter manwhore.
Huh, what a coincidence. That was the only place she did not smash
Yeah, I don't know what this is about her back story that just set us off, but we got terrible pretty quick. We just kept piling it on and on and on. ...
I do wish she would do her thing more often though. She always brings the best fights. Not saying these recent fights haven't been fun, but we always go the extra mile with her for some reason. Need me some mega bug bite in my life.
Which means she is now ready to come back and finish the job. Nothing escapes the punch for too long. Nothing.
I agree. I actually rather like her being a side character doing funny things.
Except for the Cordyceps fight with Spike, I don't typically feel any tension in Chitania's fights since she seems to just plow through everything. I pretty much expect her fights to be curbstomps.
... But she lost the fight against shiny, and Twilight outsmarted her, and then DT showed her up by exploding the robot in her face, and then she got a hole blown in her. She actually has a pretty standard track record. I mean, all the fights are good, but they're hardly one sided. Even chrysalis was winning pretty hard.

If she's against the main character, it's actually not that certain
> don't feel any tension
But isn't she the antagonist in most her fights? You're supposed to think that the protagonist is going to lose. There would be less tension if she didn't normally curbstomp stuff.

Not much of a villain opponent if our heroes aren't fighting against impossible odds, or at least seemingly impossible ones. Nor is it all that exciting if they just have to hit her. Every time somebody wins it's because they outsmart her, that's more interesting in a fight then just the punches.

It's why the fight against SPike was so good, for once she had to be the one who outsmarted them, and just punching it just wasn't going to cut it. Same deal when she is the antagonist, they got to think
and almost every one of those, I couldn't feel any tension at all while reading because I get the impression that she's impervious.
>then she got a hole blown in her.
Oh I guess that's the one I skipped because not only did I feel no tension during that one, (mostly recall curbstomping the crystal empire), it was too serious for me and was a bummer to read. Then I'm forced to read a 20+ post story about a fight that I'm only loosely interested in and about a character that I don't want to invest in. I have short attention span and it wanes the longer the fight is, so I end up reading curbstomp, curbstomp, oh the main characters did something, curbstomp, curbstomp, something, something, oh it's over now and I'm exhausted from reading.

I'm a fight junkie myself sure, but I find her fights draining to read, so her fights just aren't my cup of tea.

I'll stick to her short comedy moments.

Oh no, the fight with Spike was good to me because for once I finally got the feeling that Chitania can actually get hurt for once and therefore challenges my preconceived notion that she can't be hurt.
The others were she curbstomps until my attention is just gone and I don't feel like reading about her fight anymore.
You missed the Demon!Sunset/Chitania turnabout? Geez, talk about missing the important part.
Honestly, I didn't like it and lost interest in Sunset because of it. I was having a better time reading about the Mane6 and the A-team taking on the underground base. That was fun. Short and to the point. Sunset/Chitania's story? A lot less fun and it'd be rather unreasonable to make me keep choking down a long story I don't like. I'll just take the cliff notes version that's easier to digest.
>... But she lost the fight against shiny

...I'm struggling to think who DOES lose to Shining at this rate
Morning, Verizon
..?beg pardon?
>and she was allowed to eat both

You magnificent yet still utter bastard! I was at work!

Actually in all seriousness whoever the ot says. He managed to beat chitty despite her shrugging off and healing everything she ot hit with before (all the others combined didn't even get to loosen the lid on that pickle jar) BUT he was utterly ineffective against varry even when teaming with caddy and chrissi.

Seriously the dude is exactly as strong or weak as is needed for the story at any given time.
Screw you phone.

Ot 1: plot
Ot 2: got
To be fair though, the former wasn't running off the crystal heart
Well dangit it all I mixed up my words.

What I meant to say was, when has Shining actually LOST a fight, cos all my memory serves is him tanking every one on one fight
Early thread 42?
Actually early thread pretty much everyone. Up until the chitty thing he was not a hitter really.
Lets tally it up!

>Early thread
Constantly lost to 42
>Pre robot invasion
Defeated, but was hospitalized by, a robot Spike
>Robot invasion
Defeated some mooks, but ultimately was a failure against the horde, and did nothing in the finale fight wise
N/A, no battles happened there
First true Victory, was hospitalized for weeks afterwards
>Trainfight/Under Canterlot
Was not present
Defeated the Pie sisters and their dad in a game where everyone was nerfed
>PL finale
Defeated mooks, was almost killed by giant robot and did not participate in final battle
Was not present
>Nightmare Night confrontation
Was not present
>Cordyceps invasion
Ineffectually fought mooks with Celly and Spitfire, did not manage to defeat any and was defeated by Cordy-Spike, then did not participate in final run
A whole lot of getting his ass kicked and not stopping anyone.
...Does this count?

On the whole, he's actually got a really damn shitty track record during events.
Exactly, because most of the time the plot doesn't need him to win.
MEANWHILE! Spike's tally

>Early thread
Several offscreen mooks
Defeated most fighters before deciding to double-quit with 42
A LOT of robots, only injury was not during a fight.
Lost to Flash, but then tore through the robots to defeat Blueblood
Nothing happened
>Gunclub tournament
Won against DT, lost to 42
Did not stop her
>Under Canterlot
I think he beat 42 for the 'right' to go under, then Tore through hundreds of monsters
Hit Chitty twice, both of them sneak attacks, but did not stop her, that was by Twilight
Fought mooks, then held off the horde while Twi and co went and got FS
Wasn't present
>NMN confrontation
Wasn't present
Shot a bunch of mooks, then got taken over after he wrecked 7, post that is not applicable as it was Cordy, not Spike.
>12 rescue
Was awesome, like everyone else
I don't think this counts
>VS Buttercup
Initially got curbstomped thanks to a sneak attack, but then did the most damage when he shot her in the back.

Damn, his track record TROUNCES Shiny's. Early-thread manloveboner for Spike really helped tip the scales, I'm noticing.

>Okay, so, that last Pinkie Party Pouncers? Didn't go so well.


>Whoa whoa whoa! No swearing! Those beeps cost money, you know!

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm just a little cranky because EVERY insurance agency has dropped me! Every one of them! They won't take me in after the last time I got exploded!"

>...doesn't... doesn't Equestria have free healthcare?


>Ah. I see.

'Huh. Where's Rarity? I thought she was your posh and or wildcard.'

>I refer you to Dash's previous rant. That's not a wildcard, that's a homewrecker.


>So we're waiting for the season finale to bring her back, she'll probably be a fan favorite.

[So why am Ah' here?]

>Because I got a lot of complaints about that one, they think you need to be more involved because of reasons. So, now you're the stick in the mud who tells us not to do stuff, and then we do it anyway. Try to scream "PINKIEEE!" at the top of your lungs while you do.

[What!? That's silly! Make Fluttershy do that stuff, Ah' like having fun!]

{Um... I don't mind doing that if you want to make Applejack the wildcard.}

>Pfft, APPLEJACK!? The WILDCARD!? Come on! She's as predictable as the sunrise on a day when Celly is sober.



>What? What are you.

[...What... did you... say?]

>...Ha! I haven't got any explosives this time! You can't blow me up!

[Oh, okay, so those bottles up there ain't alcoholic.]


'Assuming she hit them with a big enough force and with an incendiary attack of some kind, boom.'

>A-applejack, let's think about this.

[Oh, Ah' thought about it.]

{Oh dear.}

>What are you going to do!?

[What am Ah' gonna do, ya' say? Well...]



~Most unorthodox! MOST UNORTHODOX!~\
~Our party has been crashed!~

{...This did not go the way I was thinking.}

>...Freaking show stealer!

That's the AJ I wanna see!

Getting drunk and fucking up!
This was part of the reason I started hating Spike. He got attached to AJ very early and started winning fights essentially in AJ's steed as main character. Before the harem brigade came to be it was the adventures of Captain Canterlot. Keep in mind that during the first 20 threads Spike spent multiple stories fucking with Shiny as a DM (which is why I am glad Spike spent the OnO arc getting fucked with).
To LNPP Anon. I just noticed that you taught Cadence how to use the whips. Good callback with her weaponry.
Can't please everyone I guess. I really enjoyed spike getting a bit of the spotlight. Not like he gets it much anywhere outside the thread.

"Seriously? Can ya' please leave?"

>Don't tell me how to live.

"Ah' asked nicely."

>That sounded more like 'fuck you' than nicely.

"Have ya' ever heard it the other way?"

>Oh of course, I've heard it many times when they were begging me not to keep punching them.

"...Just go."

>Still telling me what to do.

"At leas Ah'm bein' hones this time."

>You get pity points, nothing else.

"...Gonna be like this?"

>I enjoy the simple things in life.

"Really gonna be like this?"

>I think I am, yes.



"...ya' ever had an apple?"



>...Meh, I'll try anything once.

Don't get me wrong I'm not rooting against Spike all the time, I just didn't like him for some of the things he did. Like being agnsty with his child solder routine yet loving being able to pull out a gun to get others to listen (glad he actually lightened up on that). That we had to argue for threads on end to finally get shippers to agree he is jailbait. That he agro'd Chitty when she was being civil. His entire involvement with Vally girl Twilight. Actually since he put more holes in 7 I have been fine with him and since he got karmic justice 15 threads ago I am warming up a bit. hate was a strong word in my last reply, I just started off wrong and it took a bit for him to stop doing things I didn't like to cancel out the good he was doing.


The endless void seemed to hold him as he wafted through it, weightless, yet carried all along all the same. Time had ceased to mean anything in such a place. If it had been a minute, an hour or more, he could not tell. It was all an instant, yet everlasting to him

>Teacher? Uh... I perhaps feel mine earlier comments were... in haste? Not to say I was not correct, of course, merely that I feel that maybe mine words were not as carefully chosen as I am known to be on most occasions. Perhaps I should have put a little more thought into what I spoke... Teacher?

He swam left, or at least what he assumed to be left.

Nothing but an endless, empty void.

>Teacher really, cease this immediately! I have word that needs done back at home, send me away this instant! I have limits to what I will stand and thou have clearly crossed it in leaping gaits! Away with me, back to mine home and residence! Away I said!


>...Zecora and Marey will come for me, if this is how thou wishes to act! They will get thine sister and have her force my release quick as my wit! This is unacceptable! I am not some thing to be held like a child against mine will! Release me! Release me I said!... RELEASE ME!

Simply... alone...

>...They'd come for me. I... if they did not, then mine cousin would! He would miss me! I would be missed! I would not be forgotten so easily! They would face anything, even you, to get me back! They would not stand for this!

"Nobody is coming for you."

At last, a voice.

And how he had wished it was not so.

>Yes they are! They will see to it that I am rescued!

The voice did not even answer him this time, merely content to let him float in nothingness.

>Nothing to say!? No challenge for me this time!? SPEAK! Go on! Tell me more lies! SPEAK!

He felt it again.

The nothing.


For the first time since he had come in this place...

He felt it.

>...They would come for me. They... I am not that much of a bother...

Did not see that coming and I love it.
.... Er, they probably would.

Don't see 56 not being a bro here.

"Her am not back yet."

It was not the first time she had said that, he very much doubted it would be the last unless the one in question revealed herself, yet he never seemed uneased by the matter. He was content, merely by the act of helping Bubbles back into her bedding so she could rest. Despite her monstrous size, she was always one to get tired if things became too hectic.

And, undoubtedly, they had been.

"Me am not going back."

It was not the first time she had said that either. He also very much doubted it would be the last, regardless of what was to come.

>Stop worrying, it will be fine. I'm prepared if she says no.

"How? Her... Strong. She am stronger than..."

Than me, he finished in his mind. He knew how much that irritated her, even if he could not help but feel relief that she understood her limits. He always worried about her, most of all...

>It will be fine, I said.

"... Me going to stay with you?"

Fear, now that was something he wasn't used to hearing in her voice, no matter how much she tried to hide it.

So why, he wondered, did it make him smile?

>Yes, Buttercup, you're staying with me. You, Bubbles, and of course...

He didn't say it. Nor did he need to.

>It will be fine.


She believed him, he knew she did, without question.

Now... If only he could be so sure himself.

>It will be fine. Just wait and see...
Trips don't lie.

Bros b4 hoes, man. If 29 is bro enough to turn down his best shot for the little guy, 56 would be eternal shit-tier if he picked moon booty over him
A wise pimp once said "I'd take many things over a ho. A nice sandwich for example. But a brother? Aw hell no!"
Damn straight.
>Picking between moonbutt or Bro-tier guy who saved you and carried you around for a fucking year and is now doing all sorts of stuff to help you out.

...That's a surprisingly hard choice. I mean, yeah, he's a great bro, but... moon-ass.

Feel me?
Moon butt and love of butt is literally what keeps you alive and indestructible.

Speaking of, since some horrifying monster amoung you contrived to separate him from his love of booty, how is he getting by?
If I had to take a stab in the dark, I assume 29 is keeping him charged.

Guy does literally everything else for him.

She had listened.

A rare event for her, she had listened. She had not said anything, or mocked her during, or even let out a single one of her trademark laughs. Perhaps it had been a rare moment if altruism, perhaps it had been a grander sign of some kind of understanding that had at last made it through into the skull of the ever slow on the uptake changeling Queen.

Or maybe it had something to do with the dumbfounded and totally lost look that she was so desperately hiding behind flame after flame whenever Cadence just so happened to look away.

That might've been a contributing factor.

>I know it's selfish, but is it really so wrong to hope that everything would fall apart if I wasn't here? Is it really that selfish to just kind of hope that maybe I'm vital in some way? I'm the princess! I mean, look at my cutie mark! Look at it! I was destined for this, literally! Literally destined for this! I was all set to be the princess of this place before I even knew it was a place! Is it really that selfish!? What, am I just supposed to be like "Oh sorry, destiny, I guess you got it wrong on this one! You were looking for the maniac with the paperwork knack!"

For, while she had initially come in with the best of intentions, those intentions had long since been lost to sheer, nullified stupefaction. She had no idea what, if anything to say, and were the princess able to peer through the illusions of stoic understanding plastered across her face, that would be plain for her to see as well.

But luckily, or perhaps unfortunately depending on how one looks at it, she had no such ability, and continued on unabated.

>I'm trying really, really hard with this stuff too! But just... how does she do it!? Is she literally reading everyone's mind to learn it? I'm not even mad if she is, just share! Share your stupid mind magic so I can actually fill out more than some basic forms! Just share! I share!


She continued on, and on, and on, until all she was left with was a deep, sad sigh, and shoulders that would have hit the ground had they not been in their sockets.

>...You know the sad part? This whole... this thing with Shining, it's just... it's almost like it's not even a big deal anymore. It's feeling less and less important as time goes on, but this... thinking about being found out just keeps stinging, because I just want to know that they need me... not Shiny, I know Shining needs me. H-heh, the only good thing about this stupid position, I know he... he needs me, and I need him, but... what about them? If someone found out today what I really do, would they just say... thanks, but we don't need you? Would they just shrug and say instead... you can go now, we're covered....

She kept slumping lower, and lower, until her stomach and chest touched the cool ground, and she lie there, prone before the Queen, as she had been so long ago, yet somehow in even worst circumstances.

>...Why am I even a princess anyway?

The question hung in silent air for a time. Never grasped, never taken. The question remained, the Queen letting it hang there as her mind was alight with thoughts that burned as hotly as any flame she had ever conjured, as powerful as any magic she had ever cast.

And as hollow as any lie she had ever told. She could not, no matter what words she tried to bring to her silver tongue, think of a single word to be spoken in comfort or in wisdom. The Queen, the one who prided herself on spinning words so intricate any spider would bow in awe, found nothing to her beck and call. She relied on her flames to hide her, as she always had, even as she desperately searched to no avail for the words Cadence sought, to be the one to solve this problem as it so needed to be.

The question hung in the air, remaining untaken, and never grasped.


Cadence, however, did not. She was lifted, by hooves endlessly stronger than hers, and forced to look into green eyes. Forced to watch as flames appeared once more, and that look fell away. Taking away the powerful look that the Queen always held, and instead...

Something else.

"Do you want me to set something on fire?"

It would have been something that tore her side in half, had it not been said with such an honest and desperate voice. The simple way she said it, much like a child asking if their parents wanted them to put up their toys because they had been fighting. For as horrible as it was to say, very seldom had she ever heard the Queen sound more honest, if ever.


It was not healthy, it was a distraction and nothing more. This would fix nothing, solve nothing, but...

If only for the night, if only for this moment.

She was going to have some fun watching Chrysalis set stuff on fire.


The Queen could provide no answers, she could not speak with sage advice or cunning words of wisdom in the grand scheme of rule. She knew what she knew, and that was it. She could not, no matter how much she wanted to, answer a single question for Cadence. She could not answer them just as she could not answer the questions of her own that threatened to crush her skull with their implications, the thoughts of advancement and rule that weighed on her every bit as powerfully as what Cadence herself was pressed down upon today.

This was all she could do. Make it easier, take the load off for just a little while, for the both of them. This was what she knew.

It would solve nothing.

It would answer nothing.

It would fix nothing.

But, if only for a night, if only for a moment.

They were going to have some fun.
I feel like this "Cadence is revealed to the public as a sort-of-fraud who doesn't really /do/ anything" kinda HAS to happen.

I mean ALL the characters know the gig, but then again nearly ALL the characters are somewhere somehow in the upper-most echelons of power while the peons below are blissfully ignorant.

For one thing Harem and Co. cannot go on living this lie, dang

And I get the whole "the common pone is a dumbass" but Sweetnote is a common pone but she suddenly swung a left hook and made herself important by saying how said Main Characters are utterly distanced from the normal citizenry

wew lad to think ol' Element of Honesty has been effectively shtum on these things to her family is something
>wew lad to think ol' Element of Honesty has been effectively shtum on these things to her family is something

...could you repeat that in english?

That's pretty adorable, actually. She's not smart like Celly, so she just does what she can, and it helps.

Gold star, bugbitch
I mean, I know Cadence doesn't do a lot of paperwork and stuff but being able to maintain and fix the searing crystal of love that effectively powers the city must count for something.
What this guy right c'here said.
It does, but it kinda makes her seem less like "Someone who is ruling over you and protecting you" and, well... maintenance guy.

>Looks like ya' gotta busted Crystalmajigger, gonna have ta' get that fixed right quick if you don't want the smokeamathings getting in.
Cadence in worker overalls is a strangely sexy thought...

>...You know, I don't think me and you have ever actually talked.

"That is for the best, you seem annoying."

'Trust me, she's right... er, bout that bein' for the best, Ah' mean. Not the... yer' not annoying.'

>Oh yeah!?

"...What part of that are you 'oh yeah'ing to?"

'Mite confused mah'self.'

>Well, if that's how you want to play it!

"Play what? What am I playing?"



>Now who's annoying!?


'...O-oh shit...'






'...Why ain't ya' stompin' stuff?'

"I... I've just gone completely numb... she hit me in the face with a pie..."


"...I don't... I... I'm Chitania! I can grow a hundred hooves tall and smash stuff! I... and she..."




"...She is annoying."

'She can get like that, yeah.'
So is she just going to snap when it hits her, or have we found Chitty's weakness?
>Pie Chitania
>Become friends with Chitania

I semi-expect her bringing out the welcome wagon and sing a song.

>Don't fight it... just... just accept it.


>...Just accept it...

"...I'm slightly afraid."


[Princess? Is she bothering you?]


"Yes, I am bothering her. She is very bothered. Are you going to do something about that?"

[I might.]

"...I ate you. I ATE you. I didn't even mean to! Completely by accident, even and I didn't even care enough to chew when I did! My act of walking with my mouth open is so far beyond you, I didn't even notice! What the fuck are you going to do!?"

[Politely ask your daughter over here.]



"I'm going to punch him."

'Please don't.'

"I'm going to punch his STUPID FACE OFF-"


[...Is that a pi-]





Kryptonite found!

She can't handle wanton stupidity.

{Thaaaat's right, just shut down, no thiiinkeee, no thinking about anything at alllll... completely blank, no thinking... no SMASHING... goood... goooood... that's a good mama...
...Well that got creepy fucking fast.

>Chrysalis? Hellooo?

She had come down in a flash, an instant there and gone from Canterlot to the Empire, hurrying all the way with nothing less than a winning smile on her face.

>Chrysalis? Chrrryyyyssalis? I have something to teelllll youuuuuu...

"My Queen is, sadly, missing at the moment, I expect she is out having fun."


Perhaps it was magic or fear that allowed her to stick to the ceiling. Whichever one it was, the stoic helmeted changeling looked far less intimidating upside down.

>...Do you have to sneak? Really?

"I do not sneak, I merely walk very quietly. Two very different things."

>I'm a bit of a literary freak, so I disagree.

"It's true. If I was sneaking... I would be trying to kill you."


"I've been working on my standup."

>Well, you're going to give Pinkie a run for her money at this rate.

"Just for that, I will try to walk louder around you."

>Awww, I see why Cadence likes you best.

"...H-RHM! What can I help you with, Princess Twilight?"

>I'm looking for Chrysalis.

"I gathered. However, she is not likely to reappear before she wishes to, and I have no idea where to find her. I was more questioning what you were looking to her for, exactly?"

>Ohhh, nothing biiiiiigggg...

She was singing, practically, as she dropped from the ceiling.

>Just little old Twili-Wily just FINISHED IT!

"...Finished what?"

>The thing!

"The thing."

>The. Thing. All done.

"... the thing?"


"...Oh! OHH! Oh! The thing!"

>That thing!

"Oh my... so you can-"

She nodded so fast, her head was liable to pop off her neck at any second.

>It's done! It's ready! It's... it's going to change everything.

"Oh... oh my..."

They shared it, their happiness, and their smile. They shared it together, and they both thought the exact same thing.

>"She's going to be so happy!"

The wait was going to be unbearable.
Yep, just so excited. Just. So. Excited.

This is going to hurt
Why do you think she's out having fun right now? Because it's all going to end to end. Let her have her fun while she can...
... well that's a bit of a bummer.

Now I kinda want it never to end, but I guess that's the point
>TFW he's probably going to pay for his college.
>TFW 56 probably doesn't even understand just how big an impact 29 makes in his life
>TFW he'll always be second two moon butt in the little guy's life
>TFW he'll never understand how lucky he is to have such a great ___dad____
The thought that 13 subconsciously keeps her mother in check through her mental prowess is a very frightening concept to me.
Oh shit. This is gonna suuuuuuck
What does Tweelot think the ORB is going to do? Seriously? I cannot remember.

Cos from the sound of it she thinks it'll pour forth a stream of Nice Things and Kittens
Teach Chrysalis how to get to her afterlife. Yes her afterlife.

Makes sense now?
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Let's ask the one pony who was in contact with it! Sunset, mind explaining what the orb will bring to us?


Well, that answers that. Apparently, it contains eldritch lore that will destroy the minds of mortals as they let Lovecraftian horrors from beyond the veils into Equestria.

Nothing can go wrong!


To make her most loyal drones into Queens of their own by hijacking the slumbering knowledge of the dead Queens in the Hivemind/Changeling Afterlife.

Because she wants to find out Changeling history, biology, powers, weaknesses and psychology. Since all records can't be read and only what Chrysalis knows can be recorded.

Twikight honestly thinks she is about revolutionise Changeling health care and historykeeping.

Chrysalis thinks she is about to become the next Changeling overlord. Maybe have a place of her own at last.
Basically, they are like those guys who first discovered what a nuke actually does when you launch it at something.

Given giant combat robots are now normal across several countries, this world is on a highway to hell.
AJ really needs to get on that "Make Equestria a Utopia based solely around rural farms and villages" damn quick before the world is swamped by waves of metal, magic and greenspit
Is that why they waited so long to finally use it? Because they were waiting until they could handle it? Unlike sunset, who is just an idiot who jumps in stupidly.
>just let it happen. It sucks at first, but once you lay back and accept it you'll find your long lost love and before you know it wind up finally achieving your goal of getting married to the mare you wandered all across the world lookin' 'get.

'My primary goal that sent me wandering across the world was to fist fight the gods.'



>nevermind, you should fight as hard as possible and you will deserve everything you get.
Well it was actually pulled out of sunset. The remnant of variolus. Also at was in contact with it and went crazy. Because it does that. Even chrysalis went a bit villain mode with it. The wait has been for twi to get it to be 'safely' usable.
Because rural villages are the perfect defense to magic, metal, and greenspit?
I like to think he knows at least somewhat, even if he doesn't really understand it. Face it, changeling just don't know what a father figure is. It's not their fault, their society just doesn't have an equivalent. Fathers are just supposed to be the harbingers of the new hive, that's all.

I think as he learns more about other societies, it'll hit him.

And it will be adorable.
I was referring back to earliest threads where the joke was AJ would turn Equestria into Nothing but Farms
Thought the joke was ponies were afraid she would try that but she had no intention of doing so
I want to see more Apple Jack silliness now, think she might go for a swimming beach day thing aft the pond? Just relaxing, swinging about if a tire swing....
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>MFW one day, sometime in the future, 29 comes home from a long day of officework and orphan saving, and wants to curl up in bed.
>But juuuust before he does, he looks at his mail.
>There's a letter to him.
>Inside is just a simple card that says... happy fahters day, to the only dad better than any plot, even moons!
Damn it, anon... just damn it....
>Okay, this, right here? This is is why you're mah whitey.

"I liked this, yeah."

>Yep, nothing but a big old lake, plenty of time, and me and my whitey with no worries about someone walking in on the bathroom.

"Plenty deep too."

>Oh, Bubblehorse, so eager for me to go down already?

"Just love that look on your face, what can I say."

>Oh, you! Now, if you don't might, just put your hoof on my head right there, annnd-



"...Applejack, nice to see you here."

'OH COME ON! This here's mah spot!'

"I didn't see your name on it."

'Well, Ah' spelled it once, but it drifted off pretty quick.'


'Finally hit ya'?'

"That is so... glllgg..."

'Like that one, didja? Haw... but seriously, get outta mah' lake.'

"This isn't your lake."

'Ah' claim this lake in the name of Equestria!'

"We're already in Equestria!"

'Ah'm ahead of the game.'

"We were here first!"

'First is the worst and all that.'

"Well, then one of us is still the best, because first is the worst, second is the best, third is the one with the hairy chest."

'...Ah' thought that was treasure chest?'

"Which do you have right now?"

'...crud got me there... can we just share?'

"Well, I guess that is the friendly thing to do..."

'Great! Get up here, dang it!


'Stop tryin' ta' get some white licorice and swim ya' ninny, yer' supposed to stay above the dang water!'

>...Wait, do you think I'm-



'Hey, ya' wanted the lake, didn't ya'? Well, TAKE IT ALL!'


>BUBBLEHORSE NO! I'll save you!


'Oh, so it's like that, is it!?'


"Nobody assaults a princess in my presence!"

'Ah' am a princess!'

"So you say."

'OH, IT IS ON NOW! Ah' do too much work fer' that shit! TAKE IT ALLLLL!'



There was exactly one benefit to living in a hellish landscape of ice all around your shining beacon of hope in the middle of an otherwise inhospitable tundra. Exactly one upswing to the endless bitter cold and waves of solid water and ice. There was one, count it, one joy to be had in this.


You could blow it up as much as you want, and nobody would even notice, let alone call you on it.

"Eee hee hee!"

Cadence had never been one for wanton destruction herself, to be truthful. In fact, she rather despised it most days, so messy and loud and nobody but the one causing it looks like they're having the least bit fun, but this was infectious. The utter joy that radiated off the Queen at her side seeped into her like a plague, and flowed through her blood just as surely.

>Oh, fuck, I love this. You know how often I really got to cut loose back in the day? Fucking never. BOOM!

"Hee hee!"

She couldn't help the giggling, didn't even want to, as she herself parted the snow with a blast from her horn. She flew this way and that, shooting all about at nothing but mounds of emptiness and cold, pink pretty powers sent off without a care or regard.

"This... this IS fun!"

She hated to admit it, she really did.

But it was.

This, right now, was more fun she'd had in months... if not longer.

This was magical.

There had been worries, when this all started, fears that threatened to consume her.

But for now, just this moment, to both her and the Queen, everything was forgotten. All of it gone with a single cry.


They never wanted it to end.
While yes, this is heartmeltingly cute, I'm not the only one who finds it a little weird she's so okay with what she thinks is happening, right?
She knows the deal, and she ain't getting in none of that.

...Stop trying to make me like 56.

It's working...
>She knows the deal
Ahh, Applejack think it's carnal sexytimes of a sort, but it is actually happy drownytimes instead.

Quite the difference
Seriously though, shiny is not immortal...one miscalculation and boom: dead. Or dainbramaged. And then twili falls to the dark side. And the penny drop invades with robot armies o a dozen nations, and chrysalis makes a half dozen queens who immediately revolt once they have their hives and homeland to attack all other nations, and 7 grants sentience to the forest creatures and the horrors below which rose to assault the surface and civilization, and Lavan frees red who summon the other two back to form a force of chaos and nothingness, while cadence looses her mind in grief and becomes a brutal despot! And then dragons! Because!

We are one mistake away from a grim, dark future of equestria where to be a pony in such times is to be one of an insignificant number and your end shall be met only with the laughter of thirsting pseudogods...
Don't worry! Celestia will save her!.... And she can save herself cos lol immortal.

....Doesn't explain what do if BOTH go lights out.... huh


It thundered in his head like a bomb in his ear.


It rang to him to his very core, shaking the bones like they were twigs in a storm.


Every word a knife that carved into his skull with such precision he could not stand its pain.



He fired off, again and again in every direction. Every scrap of power he held, cast out in defense.



He hit nothing, damaged nothing, did nothing but cause the world to come alight in brief flashes of green.

"They will leave you."

The images came again. Faces, not of anger or of hate, not of disgust or of malice, but...


One by one, the faces he knew. Mayor Mare, Zecora, Trixie, even his little cousin, all of them, every one.

Annoyed, and leaving him.



His power was faltering, his magic running low.

His anger, however, was in no such short supply.

>What is this supposed to teach me, what am I to learn!? Are thou really so desperate to feel better you would inflict on me something like this!? Is this what you wish, to see me suffer!? What is this supposed to teach me!? What am I to learn!?


>...Nothing? NOTHING!? This did not even have a point!? Oh, that is it! I have had enough! Begone with thee! Away! Send me away, I do not wish to be thine student anymore! I do not wish to learn from thee! This has been nothing but a nightmare, and I want no more! NO MORE YOU FOUL THING! NO MORE!

Silence, haunting silence, was his only answer.

>Well, what does thee have to say for thineself, LUNA!?

~Mostly how that isn't me.~

>...Beg thine pardon?

The voice that had called to him had been much more familiar, much more as he knew and nothing like the one that had taunted him so. Much kinder.

Much more... apologetic.

~Ahem. Twenty Nine? Mistakes have... unfortunately been made.~

>Thou does not say.

~We, in our brief bit of regret, sadly let out... a thing, by accident.~

>A thing?

~A dark thing.~

>And that thing would be...

She needed not answer, it came to him all the same.

Came in the form of a mare beyond compare, frightful and massive in scale, a thousand stars in an endless night forming it's frame so powerful.

She need not answer, yet she did all the same.


>...I'm not supposing this thing is friendly, and merely wishes to teach me life lessons?

Without warning, a single tendril of the night wrapped around his neck, and squeezed.

~It does not.~

>Ah... I see....


Huh. Kinda dark to say, but if PD did snap and invade, a half dozen Queens would be super useful....
Hence why they spent fuckloads of threads being like
>Okay, we need to be ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY SURE this thing is not going to eat our fucking brains.
And yet, SOMEHOW, it's still going to go wrong.
Only if they are on your side. If they are on their own side, as has been more constantly true, they're just another horde of encroaching, implacable darkness.
Assuming by her you mean twili...I don't think she can.

If twili lost shiny she would lose it completely descending into madness to protect all her friends by making sure they were all constantly safe, no matter who must be ground to bloody screaming dust to ensure that safety. She'd basically be the reason equestria turned into the imperium of pone.
Yes, but still.

Pretty damn useful to point at your enemies.
.. oh, shit, yeah, that's still a thing in this time line.

... That sounds fucking awesome.

I mean, not the whole horror thing, just that free for all sounds fucking amazing.

...Nothing was going wrong.

Nothing bad was happening.

Nothing was exploding, no crying babies, not even a ninja. Not a single one.

>So then I said "Twili! Get that out of your mouth!" And needless to say, that was the last time we went rooting around in mom's drawer...

"Pfft, you think that's bad? I once walked in on Chrysalis's mom totally tanking an infiltration. You have not seen sadness until you see a mare's face collapse realizing that the guy she was after wasn't, shall we say, 'playing for that team'.

It was easy, it was without peril.

It was... nice.

It was so very nice...

>Pfft, know that feeling.

"Whoa HO!"

>I mean in that I once had to watch 8-bit go after a mare for three hours before he caught on. I uh... I was too shy to talk to her myself. Dodged a spear there.

It was everything she was hoping for.

It was everything she had wanted, and more.

"Speaking of dodging spears, you know I once infiltrated the yaks? Wow, those guys are assholes."

And yet...

Something was off...


>Eighteen? Kinda faded there for a sec.

"Hm? Oh, as I was saying, so it all starts when I light a candle wrong."

...Something was missing.

Her night was amazing, and fun, and everything she wanted.

But something...

Something was missing.

"And that's when the spears came!"

But no matter, she'd find it later.

After all... she had the whole night to find it.

>Hey, I know that guy!... Yeah, he can't have children anymore.

And nothing... was going wrong.
Like any solution, sometimes there is no good solution, at all
I meant "him", woops
There are people in this thread RIGHT NOW who do not think the end game scenario for Pennydrops escalating arms race is not to go for a Pennydrop vs Applejack in a one on one full Metal Gear Rising Final Boss Fight.

>Character called 'Jack
>Dog with a sword shows up
>"I HAVE A DREAM!" something something mighty powers in pones hands
>"You're not greedy, YOU'RE BAT SHIT INSANE!" something something works to help and protect the weak
>Bizarre sciency nanom-INFUSIONS, SON! vs tried and true Earf Horse power fights
>Something something kindred spirits, same motivations, different actions
>Both worked their ass off to get where they are, one sorta given a whole new body and had to work around all that
>Certain characters eyes go red when reeeeeeeeeally pissed.
>Two characters who hold a lot of power but have never been in a brawl/fight/laser death battle like all the rest
>Oh and also cyborgs can show up or something

It won't be 1:1 but still.....stiiiiiiiiiiiiill
In other words, WH40K with ponies.

There is a place where grimderp can exist. That place isn't Equestria.
>Princess Applejack vs Infusion and Armored powered Pennydrop
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>Not to It Has To Be This Way

Sometimes, there's just no really good answer, or really good win. Sometimes *A* path seems tempting, but there's no way to make it work, and you have to go through the path that works instead. It'll be harder, obviously. If it wasn't, you'd take that path right away. Easier answer isn't always wrong, most times it's actually pretty right, but sometimes the easiest and fastest answer just plain... isn't right.

>Huh... so, uh... I guess we're in good with the gryphons now? Huh... you know what, this is pretty good! We actually did pretty well! Nobody got hurt or assassinated, and now we've got actual allies now. This is... pretty good! This is great! Things are finally looking up now!

"Hey, quick question, since we didn't get a chance to sabotage them, what are the odds they're going to think we were legitimately trying to help them assassinate the prince?"

>End of thread is literally Equestria VS everyone else with the allies she's made

Fuck. Yes.
At least you showed up.

>So, is this just what y'all do sometimes? Make cakes?

"Well, I try to, she mostly just wrecks stuff because she can."

'I apologize for nothing. I also lick the batter, and don't apologize for that either.'

"She likes batter."

'LOVE the batter, you can always tell how much love is in it by how you churn it.'

"She churns it pretty good."

'Oh, you flatterer, we all know you are legendary at churning the batter, even a changeling couldn't compare to your skills, and we're very... adaptive.'

"I have to make up for the fact I don't have holes in my hooves for better grip."

'Or massively long tongues to clean up all the best places.'

"That tongue is pretty universal, I've found."

'Works on anything, yes.'


"...Hee hee."

'Oh, her face is always priceless. She never gets-'

>What're ya' laughin' at? Far as Ah' can tell neither o' you have had anyone do the frosting for you in a long time. Always have ta' get it yer'self, dont'cha? Well... at least that tongue and those hooves are pretty skilled by now, ain't they?



>Ah'll see mah'self out.

"...Huh. So she does get it."

'My mind has just exploded.... I might never recover...'

"You win this round, AJ..."

>At least that's one thing gettin' blown round here!

You're one to fucking talk, AJ.

At least the frosting they're after is actually ready to be shipped instead of still on the production line.
To be fair, they don't know it's a nuke, and they're trying to only use it for knowledge, not power.

It's like if the library of alexandria was behind a nuke.
At least the frosting SHE wants is unattached.


She kinda waited till he didn't want the original one because she became too fat and needy and wow I just realized this is kinda shitty timing...

Good thing AJ can't have Spike's kids, I guess!

>Two, normally you are very well behaved, and I would like to call on those times. I say this, because if you don't get down from there right now, I'll go back to pretending you are the adult you seemed to be instead of the child you actually are. Now, BRUSH YOUR TEETH!

"I can just fwoosh 'em! I ain't gotta actually brush them!"

>You cannot! We can't fwoosh off bacteria!

"...wait, can't we? Then how do we change how we smell?"








"NEVAH! I won a smarty battle, I ain't gotta!"

>That isn't how this works!

"Is so!... See? Won another one!"

>... If I ever have children, I'm raising them military style.


>...And then sending them to military school...
>42's kid ends up being the rebellious little asshole always getting arrested.

You know it's true.
On the flip side, Cadence's is the most well behaved, normal of them all.

Because she's secretly plotting to take over the world and consume it with love.
>Welcome to Sort of Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content pretty much doesn't matter, and I'm not dead! Now for our main segment...Timed Muffins!


'...you know I probably could have shot out the window. We didn't have to go THROUGH the door.'

"Sorry. Why are we here?"

>I had a theory. If we're in Derpy's dream, That would mean she'd want Sugar Cube Corner full of...


Every shelf was stocked with muffins. Piles and piles of muffins everywhere they looked. The Shadow Derpys on Pinkie and DT perk up.
{Did she say muffins?}

{I heard muffins.}

{Muffin time?}

{Muffin time!}
The shadows and Derpy start munching on muffins.

>Hey it worked.

"Your plan was to feed them?"

>Yup. It's all she ever ordered, so maybe they like them too. I'd figured it would distract them and let us regroup.

'What happens when the rest come?'

Some Shadow Derpys crash in.
{Wow look at all the muffins!}

{Oh my gosh, I love muffins!}

{Muffin Monday already?}
More and more pour in.


{No, it's mine!}

{I saw this one first!}

Derpy stands in front of a large pile of muffins, growling.
[Get your own muffins!]

{You see, you have a very large assortment of muffins, and we'd appreciate it if you would share them with us. Are we not part of the same whole?}

[I'm going to put my hoof up your hole if you try to touch my muffins!]

{...we tried. FOR THE MUFFINS!}
They dogpile Derpy and a cloud of fighting is formed as more go for the same muffins.
{No, Mine!}
Derpy grows larger than the ceiling can handle until she breaks through the roof.
She shoots lasers from her eyes and melts a few shadows.

Everything went better than expected!
Oh thank god. I got worried yesterday.

Need my lnpp fix
Good night thread
Goooood morning, /pa/l.
Me too, and good morning
>Welcome to Not Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content does matter, but I'm giving people an extra dose of Pink! Now for our main segment...STORYTIME: THREE LITTLE PONIES!
Applause. Luna appears in a wolf costume.

[We can't believe we're doing this.]
She walks up to a house made of clouds.
The force of her voice blows away the house of clouds and Cadence.


[...whoops. We will tone it down. Perhaps the next house will yield better results.]
She walks to the next house made of gingerbread and frosting.

>Life in my dreamhouse~

[Little pony, little pony, thou shall let us in!]

>Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin.

[Then we shall huff and we shall puff and we shall-]

>Wait, you're not going actually blow my house down are you?

[Is that not how the story went?]

>Well yeah, but-

Blows the house down. Pinkie pops up from the debris.

>...you didn't have to be a bitch about it...oh hey, that doesn't have to be censored?

[We are what they call, Alpha bitch. Now assume the position to be eaten.]

>No, wait you don't have to do tha-

She moves on to the next house.
[Little pony, little pony, thou shall let-]
A rocket had landed nearby leaving a crater.

'That was a warning shot!'
DT sits on top of house made of concrete and steel.
'I've 4 machine gun turrets, 2 sentry guns, 2 sniper nests, an Apache helicopter, a concussion missile tower, and 500 missiles. I dare you to blow this house down.'

[...that seems excessive...this is not how the story goes.]

'In my version, I fill the wolf with lead.'

[Leaving leaving leaving!]

'Moral of the story is don't build cheap houses, and be the bigger bitch against the other bitch.'

>This extra story was sponsored by Sweetie Drop's Bon bons. Bond over a bon.
Well, now I have to buy some bonbons
I hate it when stories make me hungry for stuff
Damn, DT ain't fucking around.

She would totally be all right wing nut in this world

She wouldn't admit she ran, not to Twilight, not to her daddy, not even to Silver Spoon. She would not admit she ran to Twilight's lab today, or any other day. She wouldn't admit it, or say it out loud, and would deny it with everything she had if asked.

But when nobody was looking... she most certainly 'moved at an optimal pace' to that lab.

>Twilight! Prepare to be amazed, not that you aren't always going to be amazed simply from working with me, but in this case be really amazed! I've got a... an... Twilight?

Perhaps, in her haste, she had probably actually made contact of some sort with the princess, that would have at the very least prevented her from talking to herself for this long.

>Twilight? Hello?... She didn't say she was going anywhere today.

Yet, despite this, her lab was void and empty, save of course the never ending assortment of creations she held within it.

However, as she eventually found, there was one new addition.

>~Dear DT, made a breakthrough, have to go, will talk later....~

The note fell to the ground shortly thereafter, useless now that it's task was done.

A familiar feeling.

>...Fine, I didn't want to tell you anyway...

She huffed, striding out of the lab with her head held high, and her nose to the sky.

>Not like I need to tell you, I can just do it myself. I do it plenty anyway, never needed you before. Silver Spoon will help me, I don't need you to... to...

She wouldn't admit it, not to Twilight, not to her daddy, not even to Silver Spoon.

But it kind of stung that Twilight hadn't even thought to ask her to try out this new 'discovery' or talk about her with it, whatever it was.

>...I don't need you to-


She jumped, her hoof instinctively going for Sexy in defense, only to realize to her horror...

He wasn't on her back

If the prim and suited pony looking down to her noticed her look of terror, he didn't mention it.

"A letter, madam, from a friend. Thank you for seeing me."

His mission seemingly done, he walked away with a bow of respect, and a nod of understanding. He made his way off, leaving the pink filly alone with nothing but the emptiness she felt on her back, and the weight of the envelope in her hooves.

Once the shock at last abated, she tentatively scraped at the top, and pulled the letter free.

>...Pennydrop wants to what now?

Well, she supposed...

It wasn't like she had anything else going on today.
Her not noticing taibbilob is what makes this so sad...

"This is irresponsible you know that right?"

>Don't care havin' fun.

"This goes against everything you bug me about!"

>Still havin' fun! Can't hear you!~

"The expenses alone for a swimming pool filled with apple sauce is absurd, don't you know how badly its going to clog the pipes?!"

>Y'all just sore that y'all didn't come up with it fer cake, ain'tcha?

"I want one too!"


"But you got a swimming pool filled with YOUR favorite food!"

>With a snap of her hoof the princess of all things apple and paper brought forth a stack of paper work to land with a thud on the ground.

>Covered under personal expenses through my own coin and with a legitament clause.

"Like what?!"

>Disposal of over stock apples o'course!

>Are ya' done with your little inspection yet?

'Don't rush me!'

"Don't rush her."

>Ya' ain't gotta repeat everything she says.

'She's asserting via repetition!'

"I'm asserting via repetition."

>...Are ya' doin' this to annoy me?

'I'm not doing this to annoy you!'

"I'm doing this to annoy you."


'I might be doing it to annoy you a little.'




>Absolutely not! The smashin' the city, Ah'll look past, the disrespect, okay, the fact ya' look like yer' gonna smash this place any second? Dealing with it. But that? NO! Ah will not, will NOT DEAL WITH TWO QUEENS DOIN' THAT STUPID LAUGH!



"Holy shit, a blood vessel in her eye just blew."

'What... uh... what does that mean?'

>It means the conversation is over.


>Family tradition.

"...seems legit."
What IS 13 up to and why don't I like it




It was toying with him now, much like a cat to a mouse. Dropping in massive blocks whenever he skittered this way and that, making a makeshift maze to run through whenever he found he could have made his way to an exit that was, most likely, not the least bit real.

"Tis not! We... we are sorry, in our feelings of... nevermind, all that thee needs to know is that the Tantabus is a creation of our own, a way we used to... nevermind, all that you need know is that it is a being that will twist thine mind in horror, seeking a way to get out into the real world!"

At her words, he came to a dead stop, an egotistical smirk crossing his face as he did so.

>Well then, if it is a being of the mind I fight...

Without warning, he grew. Suddenly towering over the maze the being had created. With a simple stamp of his hoof, he summoned the symbols of night and day to his call, the sun and moon swirling around him in perfect harmony.

>Then this thing shall know fear, as it faces a foe it knows not the power, A CHANGELIN-


"Ooooo~.... Are thou arlight?"

The single leg that stuck out of the massive fly swatter twitched, which she took to mean in affirmative.

>I... I am not yet defeated, I can still



>Ow... b-but I can still-



"The bugspray just seems a touch mean..."

The Tanatabus did not laugh, nor did he know if it could. It did not smile, for it had no face.

But it exhumed nothing less than a feeling of mirthful radiance as it summoned a giant hoof to stamp on him.

>...this might not be as easy as I thought...
Okay, that was legitimately a good 29 moment.


"I think she's lost her mind."

'Really? What tipped you off?'

>I'm not crazy, ya' dingus!

"Tell me one part of what I am seeing that isn't crazy."

>Ya' ain't looking in a mirror.

'Needlessly harsh, we just care about you, really.'

>Look, iffin' Ah' can't sit back and occasionally eat mah'self a tripple appleglazed fudgepacked caramel coated brownie topped and double sprinkled cake, what's the point of livin'?

"...Living, you say."

>Oh please, what's the worst that's gonna-HRK!


"Heart attack?"


"Yeah, I'm fine due to the fact that my body probably just eats diabetes at this point, but just being in the room with this thing is probably not healthy for anyone else-"





"Oh come off it, you're immortal!... and he doesn't nag me!"


"Don't you give me lip!"

'I-I'm dying.'

"Shut up for a second, I'm asserting my authority!"



'I-I think she just passed out.'

"What makes you think that?"


"...oh... OH SHIT! Cakes are bad for you!? WHAT WORLD IS THIS!?"
See, AJ, this is why Shiny gets invited to happy bath time, and you don't.
Very CD



…That? That sound right there?

That was the sound of a tired little changeling colliding face-first with a throw pillow.

He buried himself deeper into that plush, dark softness and just fell limp.

It smelled sweetly of apples, which made sense. He’d seen Applejack Prime sit on it countless times in the past, which also made sense as to why this was his favorite pillow.

But at the moment, he was too sore to even enjoy the scent.

His trainer, the one his cousin had paid premium bits for, was everything she claimed to be, and more. Soooooo much more. Not only was she a top-notch trainer, but her plot? Oh sweet not-mom, her plot was the very definition of temptation.

>But I won’t! Ya hear me? I won’t stick a bum so easily!

“First, the word you’re looking for is ‘succumb’, Fifty-Six.”


“And second, lower your tone in my presence.”


“Better. I entered in through the front door seven minutes before you did. I’ve been sitting in the corner watching you.”

>…’Kay. ‘Cause, yeah, no, that’s not creepy’re anythin'.

“No, it’s called recon.”

>What’s recon?

His trainer stared down her muzzle at him. It was a blank, analyzing stare that lasted for the span of three breaths.

“You know what recon means, Fifty-Six.”

>I… I do?

“And you also know who I am.”

>Well, duuuuuh! You’re my trainer!

“No. No, I’m not.”

>Umm… yeah, ya a-

She fell over him like the coldest of shadows, pressing her face into his so quickly that he fell back on his haunches, his ears flattening, mouth snapping shut to an unspoken order.

“You know… who I am. Think.”


Think, she commanded. And he did. He thought, and thought, and thought some more, but as the seconds passed in that stringent silence the only answer he kept circling back to was ‘the big-booty mare’.

So in an effort at prolonging his short life, he kept thinking.

However, his mind seemed-


-pretty adamant-


-about one thing-


-and all he could see were-



He blinked, then proceeded to slowly glance into the face of his… trainer.

>Y-you’re… no way… it’s y-you? R-really?

Those hole-ridden ears of his ears bolted upright through his mane, twitching with excitement.

>It is… it is, isn’t it? It’s you!

His baffled realization seemed to gratify the mare whose wings shot out to either side with a grand flourish, her face suddenly darkened by a storm of shadows from nowhere. A pair of yellow, feline-esque pupils pinned Fifty-Six to the floor.

“Yes, my new hopeful recruit, it is indeed the ‘me’ that you have sought for so long. I am….”

She paused, clearly for dramatic purposes.

“The Lunar Guard Captain.”

While Fifty-Six continued to look awestruck, possibly having passed out while sitting, the night captain glanced about, her wings faltering in the silence.

"...Right. One more time."

She cleared her throat, those impressive wings once more spreading out to their full, empowering width.

"I said, I am... the Lunar Guard Captain!"

Her voice was clear, booming, full of command! ...And yet nothing followed it. Which was cause for some annoyance if her slight frown was any indicator.

“Well, that was a hundred bits down the drain. I should have known, though. I really should have. Whenever I try to plan something, something else always guffs it to hell and back.”


Fifty-Six didn’t respond. The stars of admiration in his eyes were too wide for speech. But she continued as though he’d asked a question.

“I’d paid the weather team to have some thunder go off when I introduced myself. Just a little boom to add to the effect, make it special, you know? Something to remember. It’s not every day the captain of the night guard shows herself so when I do it has to leave an impression, I think."

She ignored the way Fifty-Six had now progressed to nonsensical sputtering and put a hoof to her chin in thought.

"Maybe we should try this again tomorrow. Can we do that? The whole purpose of doing it now was for this entrance… the very same entrance I’m now realizing I wasted a week planning out while impersonating your real instructor-”


"Where have I... been?"

When she looked to the youngling, she saw he was red-faced, still most certainly awed but upset.

"I've been doing my job. Since the very first day you harassed my Princess, I've been watching you. Closely. Every moment you got within ten feet of her, I was within five feet."

>Really? Oh oh oh! Did ya see where I almost kissed her? In the Ferris wheel thingy? That was-

"One of the many moments I thought I'd have to risk all out war to get rid of you. However, that plan got nixed once I discovered that aside from your mountain-tier durability... you're the most innocent thing I've ever seen. You and the other little one that hails from the Empire."

>...See, I wanna feel touched by that, really, I do, but the 'risk war' and 'get rid of you' parts keep me at an emotional distance....

"Good. Because I've found that the best part about innocent things? It's so much fun breaking them."


She'd begun to circle him now, her gait slow and purposeful, staring down at the top of his blonde mane.

"So much fun... molding them. Watching them chip and crack, then being the glue that puts them back together stronger than before."

>I... guess?

"And you... you with your dream of flying with my Princess. Laughable. Ha. Wait, that deserves a double-take. Haha.”

>...Go ahead an' laugh, miss trainer mare lady, that’s okay. ’Cause it won't be a dream for much longer. I'm gon’ fly with Luna.

It was rare that one could speak of an unknown with such certainty and dogmatism that they inspired others to genuinely believe it was obtainable.


Yet Fifty-Six pulled it off magnificently, and he proceeded to glare at the captain. It came off as more a pout than anything but the meaning, the intent, was there.

She allowed him that look. It was what she wanted to see, that conviction. Then she turned from him.

"As you are now, flying with her is indeed a dream... but perhaps, with your dedication, you can makes dreams a re–"


Neither Fifty-Six or the lunar captain so much as flinched when a mighty clap of random thunder cracked off in the distance.



>...Was that, uh... was that the thu-


>Well... not exactly money wasted then, eh?

"Not money, no. Just my life. Just my time and dreams."


"Save your pity, little one. You're going to need it for yourself soon enough, because your first step towards getting into the Lunar Guard is... simply finding our common room. Fare thee well, Fifty-Six, I wish you... luck!"

And again, as with her inaugural greeting, the Lunar Captain's tone of voice and sudden flare of wings made it seem as though something harrowing might follow.

Except, again, nothing did and both she and Fifty-Six were left looking at one another in an awkward silence.

"...oh, come the heck on, seriously? Really seriously? Does nothing want me to win today?"


She aimed an annoyed kick behind her, at the fog machine waiting in the wings, causing it to sputter and spark.

"See, this stupid thing was voice programmed to go off at the word 'luck' and it... it didn't... because it's dumb, and life wants me to look stupid. There was supposed to be smoke and I'd vanish like the night and feel cool for once.... "

>But... ya are though. Know why?

Any other in his position would have thought twice about touching the captain of the Lunar Guard, such an illustrious, rarely seen figure. But, like most things, the notoriety of title was lost on Fifty-Six and he tapped her encouragingly on the foreleg.

>’Cause the mare who’s gonna help me fly with Luna is the coolest mare ever.

Honestly? She would have audibly “daw’ed” right then and there if doing so weren’t a surefire way to lose some of her self-issued cool points.

So she settled for flicking her tail, about-facing, and marching towards the door. She would use her wing to open it just right and slid out of sight. Perfect.

“Hm. We’ll see how cool you see me once you’ve had a taste of the trials that we, the Lunar Gu-HOLY SMOKES WING CRAAAAAMMMP!”

When she fell down, thudding to the ground to commence rolling about like an overturned tortoise, Fifty-Six remained silent.






>Annnnd now I’m gonna jus’ bow out, save ya the dignity dive, an’ struggle to keep my eyes on the prize.


>…Yeah. Well, take care! I gotta go write my ‘cuz a letter! He's gonna bust a hoof when he hears this!

Ain't got a problem with it, that's adorable.

...Does this mean 29 gets a refund?

All his best moments are when he is in pain...

"So, has Chrysalis talked about what kind of plans she's making if this goes well? She'll have access to all the knowledge of the changelings if she does, this will be... well, pretty big, right?"

>Sadly, she remains tight lipped on the matter, no doubt out of fear her intentions will be misconstrued... again.

"Pretty fair fear, I guess?"

>Indeed. But I feel she has the best of intentions, in this matter at least. Still, I am happy that you are assisting her. While I very much doubt there are any weapons of mass destruction lying in wait inside of the Hivemind, or clearly the Queens would have used it prior, I do fear that there will be something... tempting in there.

"You're still worried she'll snap?"

>If it makes you feel any better, I very much feel the same regarding you. Power, no matter who holds it, is tempting. Does that help?

"...It doesn't."

>This is why I am not a diplomatic emissary.

"Aww, I think you'd be pretty good as a Queen of your own."

>I thank you, but I do not share your view. I am a soldier first and foremost. Not to mention, I do not think we could handle another Hive around here, where would we put them?

"Maybe strike it out on your own?"

>While my Queen no doubt would be elated at being free of a place she does not personally control, I very much prefer living here, thank you.

"So you can look at my sister in law's ass as you walk behind her?"


"Yeah, I saw you."

>...E-erm... ahem...


>I uh...


>...D-do you wish for any refreshments while we wait, princess?


>Of course, right away, thank you for your patience.


"...I was just kidding..."
Hah. Icecold.

Bit uncalled for there...
>Sadly, she remains tight lipped on the matter, no doubt out of fear her intentions will be misconstrued... again.


Only compounds the problem
Can't blame her for thinking
>No matter how I put this, it's going to come out scary and evil.

Though the real reason is obviously just "OH GOD WHAT DO I DO I DUN WANNA GO"

>So, I take it everything went according to plan?

She need not even look to know one of her agents had made an appearance. They were good, no question for the amount she paid them, but relying on others was never her greatest strength. It paid to have a set of skills for ones self.

"Every one of them signed up, except the minotaurs."

>Expected, they were always the most stubborn of the group. They'll need some more shows before they cave, but they will.

"Aside from that, wins across the board. They pretty much cut a blank check in exchange for one of those machines."

>Obviously, that's why we did it.

"...Will they grow angry when they realize they can only be powered by unicorn magic? If they convert their military as we want, they'll be utterly dependent on unicorn ponies for any power."

>I don't recall authorizing telling them how the power source works.

"Nobody has, but...what about when they find out?"

>By that time... it will be too late.


Cheerfully, she held up her glass.

>It's a new age, little shadow. Try to remember who's going to be holding the reigns.

Without another word, she was gone.

>...It's a new age...
>...Does this mean 29 gets a refund?

>Does this mean something good will happen to 29

>Every moment you got within ten feet of her, I was within five feet.

>So when I was snugglin' her rear-

"I was right up in there, yes!"

>...You're weird...

>Ohhh... this isn't good.

"Not good? Dish... dish ish da best."


>This is not good.

"Was... was celebratin', thankee!"


>That's not what that means.

'Don't tell me howda lif!'

"Don't tell her howda lif, captains orders!"


"Ah'mma cappy."

>Boss... boss, we have drills....




>This went so badly.

"Why do shey keep flyin' inta' the rocks?"

>That's where you point them!

'Dash dumb.'



"Dun call me dumb!"

'Ah didneh!'



"Dun be doin' it!"

'Don't tell me howda live!'


>Wow! Okay, wow, SO MANY regulations are being broken right now. In tandem! This is a fucking domino effect of broken regulations! Boss, you need to stop this right... right... boss?


>...Wow that is a... compromising position. Very compromising. That looks... like something that makes me jealous, actually.


...well, at least she has plenty of room.
I do like how wrong everyone is about her.

She put on so many masks that nobody can see the real person.
Y'know guys?

Sometimes I'm reeeeeeeeeeeeally glad we didn't go the way of IDW






"SP, S to the P, no. No. NO."







>...but... she'd know, wouldn't she? I mean, she used to be hot shit to changelings back in the day, right? She had to have spotted you at some point-


>...I'mma do it.


>Doing it!


"...Well, 41, he's gonna die. Time to get yourself a new friend. Let's just take stock of all the other guards around... annnd... maybe the lings... annnd... SUCKERPUNCH WAIT FOR ME!"
'Shining Armour'

>...Ah'm alone

>Ah am sitting in my bathtub, with a very nice and relaxing atmosphere around me, and there's nopony else here

>...There's nopony else here, I can finally.....




>....Oh thank Faust ah' swore they'd emerge from somewhere to ruin everythin'

She let herself sink down a litt,e chin grazing the bubbly surface








{Dooodeedoodeedooo, immeasurable stresses of the guard life are fun~, Oh hey! A bath already prepared for me! Ahhh, Pommel, sometimes things do go your way after all, Iiiii'l just dip in an-}



Go, Punchbug!

Go and not be useless! Er, I mean, learn who you are and stuff.
I do not want to know what he would think if he actually went in there.

>Uh... I think the prince and Princess are fucking in our bathtub.

"The married ones?"

>One of that pair, yes.


>...What... what do I do?

"Did you ask to join in?"


"What? I woulda."

>Could've lived my whole life without knowing that, thanks.
Oh, come on. Switch your hair and you're literally interchangeable with the guy.
Think the issue was his girlfriend saying she would totally cheat on him with the prince and princess.

I mean, I understand, and I doubt he holds it against her too much, but still. Kind of stings.
Good night thread
According to my friend in the marines, it's not uncommon for people to show up for physical training drunk or hung over.
File: fgappleprincess.png (149 KB, 571x609) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
149 KB, 571x609
Ok so I made this a long time ago and I guess I'm never gonna finish it so I'm posting it here unfinished for you.
Oh no
Oh wow
Oh gosh oh dear Lord that looks great but I am horrified why is she so sad
It was supposed to be straight after her transformation, so she was supposed to be in like general shock after the even, like what the hell is this, but I put too much soul into the eyes,

on an unrelated note, maybe she realizes if she's going to be a princess she won't be able to make as much time for applebloom and her brother.
Exactly what this anon said. Why for the love of apple does our apple princess look so sad?

...Ah! The store ran out of her favorite Apple spiced cobbler, didn't they? The dogs!
And what's with the cutie mark?
Well, thanks for trying anyway. Wiki guy will be happy
Changing pony type changes cutie mark apparently, heh.







Whatever Applejack had just garbled to Shining while both their mouths were full of toothpaste foam must have been hilarious because he started to snort and giggle.

Which, oddly, Applejack didn’t seem to mind one bit, even if he was cheek-to-bleary-cheek with her, both of them staring at the others drained faces in the mirror.

They were both drop-dead tired from the night before, from handling the many varied responsibilities that came with their title.

They both had bloodshot eyes, a sign of sleep depravation.

And they were both using the other as a much needed leaning post.

Because the day wasn’t going to wait on either of them.

He glanced at her with an inquisitive eye.

She shook her head.

In response, he nudged her.

She rolled her eyes, then she spat first.

>Thanks, Shinin’….

“Mrg mph.”

As she walked away, or rather stumbled, her tail and his lifted, the tips meeting in new variation of the ‘hoof-bump’.

She didn’t even have the strength to tell him off for somehow winding up in her bathroom again.

“Thansh, abbuh butt.”

Now she snorted, her ears giving a tired twitch.

>Not y’all, too….
That is adorable...
Finished or not, still cool.

Thanks man.
>but I put too much soul into the eyes
Now how could that be a bad thing
All that's left to do is the hat, unless there's something on the left we're missing
Well, I figured that since her purpose in life is different, her cutie mark should be different too. Like when you undergo an experience and you fundamentally change as a person and in what you want to do, your cutiemark should also change.

But it's also just fun designing new cutie marks
Unfinished or no INTO THE WIKI IT GOES

That is the joke.
I swear I'm gonna throw the kid down a bullshit timehole just to make this stop.
It wasn't fat and needy. It was obese and decadent a complete subversion and destruction of all he found beautiful in her within and without.

And we already know the way around the no kids problem.
Oh? What's the way around it?
I'm curious about this too, last idea anyone had was "Turn one of them into a pony/dragon", which are terrible ideas because any transformations aren't permanent. Meaning that if Spike turned into a pony and changed back, and everything changed by the spell changed back(which it would have to, the magic is effecting ALL of him after all), then that means he essentially potentially put timed bombs inside of AJ that would kill her when they switched back.

Or, alternatively, changing AJ to a dragon, which if she changed back during pregnancy, of which we have NO idea how long that would even be(Dragon lifecycles are a mystery, it could be a week or SEVERAL YEARS), second verse same as the first, only egg-sized bomb instead of sperm sized bomb this go round.

I'm still lost.
Breezie episode species transformation magic. Switch one temporarily to the other's species and the problem is resolved. The resulting offspring won't be hybrids but they will be theirs.
Once the zygote is formed it would become it's own thing though. It isn't spike any longer. So why would the magic turning back undo the effect.
>It would be it's own thing

No it wouldn't, all of Spike's sperm cells and remains would be inside of it, obviously, and would still be under the same magic that changed Spike in the first place, meaning it has the same time limit and would change back all the same.

Spike HAS to change on a cellular level for this to work, otherwise his sperm is the same, and if he is changing down to his cells than that zygote is about to get a heaping helping of toxic dragon DNA.

Know what an Ovarian Cyst is? That times a hundred would be the end result.
>Once the zygote is formed it would become it's own thing though.

...That is not how that works on any level.

> It isn't spike any longer.

The cluster of cells inside of the fertilized egg are still very much Spike's cells, even long after the fetus has started to develop.

>So why would the magic turning back undo the effect.

Because that's how biology works.

Er... magic biology.

Biology from magic.

That thing.
That would depend on the length of the transformation. Eventually the unused cells would work their way out. So I he stayed transformed for a long enough period it would not be an issue. The zygot itself would have it's own DNA by this point and shoul not be affected by the change.
Ignoring for a second the 'it's own DNA' line, and there's some real problems with that, same issue.

There will be leftover cells and remains of the sperms(Notably the tail) until well into the third trimester. That is several months he would have to stay a pony before maybe they could let him go back to normal.

And the sad part is this is BEST CASE SCENARIO. The idea that Spike, the being, being changed repeatedly over time(because the Breezie spell wore off within the day), also affect stuff not connected to him that is on the same time limit is best case scenario. Worst case, and more likely, scenario is that you would have to keep transforming the cells themselves. Which would be impossible to do if they're inside Applejack without damaging the fetus or some other freaky shit happening. Not-even-worst-case scenario, the Sperm, no longer attached to Spike, change back mid-fertilization.

And then she gets a shot of toxic Spikestuff right to the babymaker.

Again, BEST CASE SCENARIO, is keeping Spike transformed for at least 6-7 months, that changing him will change stuff not inside of or attached to him, and hoping that when he changes back the baby doesn't have any leftover dead cells and there's no leftover magic in the thing that made up it's very being.

Best case.
>Best case.

Shit, sorry. Haven't had my dose of cute Celly/Shiny moments in a bit.

Bit needy.
I think you are making this harder than it is. For one thing did the spell 'wear off' or did she actively break it?

For another, why would material no longer connected to him change back?

Also, while I could certainly see it killing the offspring should his DNA revert mid cycle (seriously though, once his DNA joins with hers it becomes something new, why is it still going to revert back if he does?) why would having the sperm in her be so toxic?

We have had be story where putting his blood into her bloodstream led to anaphylactic shock but honestly, you can kill someone by putting the wrong blood type of human blood in them, of course interspecies blood transfusion is a bad idea. Just how toxic are you trying to make him to literally everyone around him?
Allow me!

>Tax form... tax form... tax form... tax form... tax-

Screech.... screech...

>...Tax form... tax form... legislature... bill...

Scrreeeeeee.... screeeeee...

>...request to join harem that does not exist... tax form...

Screeeee... ScreeeeeEEEEEE.

>Bill bill bill foreign request for aide bill bill bill tax form-




"Shining Armor."

>There is a cake on my desk. Or rather I should say consuming it, for it is far larger than said desk.

"That there is."

>Is there reason for cake?

"Does anyone ever need reason for cake?"

>Normally, yes.

"Blasphemy. I shall strike them down for it!"

>Why cake, Princess Celestia?

"Well, Prince Shining Armor, I suppose if there had to be a reason, it would be because of thanks for your treasured assistance in this time without my eternal ally against the paperwork, Applejack. You have proven invaluable to the Equestrian cause."

>Uh huh. You know you don't need to thank me.

"So, I can just eat all of this myself? Well, if you insist."

>I didn't say that.

"It was implied."

>Anything can be implied if you want it. I can imply I'm going to jump into this cake right now, if I wanted to.


>...Thinking about it?

"Are you not?"




>For one thing did the spell 'wear off' or did she actively break it?

Spell wore off.

>For another, why would material no longer connected to him change back?

Because it was changed by the same magic that is wearing off on Spike. Why would it only effect him? It changed everything, after all. That same magic that made the sperm pony-ified is the same magic the made Spike pony-ified, it has the same restrictions.

>nce his DNA joins with hers it becomes something new,

Please stop with this, that is not how fertilization works AT ALL.

But, just to end this line before it gets more off and into straight up biology textbook territory, assume for a second that you're right and that the cells magically change DNA as they're forming the zygote, doesn't that mean the spell would break down and revert back as it was changing? After all, it's not Spike anymore, right? So why would the magic that changed Spike remain?

>why would having the sperm in her be so toxic?

Again, Ovarian Cyst.

Just to clarify since there's a misunderstanding here, I'm not even implying that her being full of Dragonbatter would hurt her at all, I'm saying that a FERTILIZED EGG with that inside of it is going to probably kill her.

Or, if her immortality/Equestria's free healthcare saves her, it will leave her in a lot of pain for a loooog time. Or a short time, whichever.

It's just gonna hurt because holy shit nature is terrifying when shit goes wrong with babies being made.
I thank you.

Fine then. Just throw magic at it to make it hybridize. Add in an artificial uterus or an egg so it isn't in AJ. If you can use magic to make contact with the hive mind, teleport, etc. there's no reason it can't do this.






"...what's the point?"

Had his head not been cornering the market on said feeling while being driven into the ground, the defeated tone of his mentor would have stung him quite deeply.

"We... I don't even know why I tried. I should have known I had nothing worthwhile to pass on, or teach... I can only teach by telling others what not to do, what not to be. I... I never should have even tried."

>I understand thou-


>I am sympathetic-


>You're not a bad teacher!

The creature, it seemed, disagreed, hammering him in ever harder into the earth.

Again and again, he tried to call his mind magics to his defense.

They were broken as easily as they were conjured, the beast beyond any power he could hope to bring.

"Your words are hollow... we are worthless, we are nothing but a thing of darkness... we deserve to be punished."

If he had foolishly held any hope before, it was cast away when the thing of star and shadow grew ever larger, ever more powerful.

>We all make mistakes? Things happen for a reason? It was meant to be if... look, I'm not very good at this, can you just call this thing off before it-

The thing seemed almost happy as it brought down the roach motel, crushing him beneath it.

>I get it! Bug! Okay!? BUG! Got it! Stop with the bug thing!

Instead, she summoned a flame thrower.

>...Although not technically bug related, I feel the spirit is-AHHHHHHH!

He burned, oh how he burned.

And the thing grew...

"I'm sorry... I cannot call it off, just as I could not stop myself so long ago..."


"I'm sorry..."

Tantabus, it's power, it's being, grew with every bit of horror and pain it's single victim felt...

And soon, it would be powerful enough.

It would escape.


Jesus, I know we like hurting the guy but uh... this is getting a little much.

Getting some Tom and Jerry flashbacks here.
>Welcome to Not Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content does matter, but people have needs! Now for our main segment...SUCK IT!



[Back off!]
Derpy bats a few away and shoot lasers to melt them.

{I got one!}

[And now you get none!]
Shadow gets melted into glassy goop.

>I have an idea! Help me vacuum up the goop.
Gives them Pinkie designed vacuum cleaners.

"'I don't do windows.'"

>Nopony ever likes to do windows. P-Team GO!
Pinkie runs and slides sucking one puddle of goop up, moving on to the next. Cadence flies through the air sucking up goop as they fall. DT's backpack sprouts legs and collects for her while she sits back watching the lasers fly.

{You have plenty of muffins, now share you bitch!}

[There are many muffins like them, but these ones are mine!]

{Die monster, you don't belong in this world!}
*PEW* Melted

[It was not by my hooves that I was given muffins! It was Sugar Cube Corner who paid me tribute!]

{Tribute? You steal our muffins and eat them yourself!}

[The same can be said of all moochers.]

{Your words are as empty as your heart! Marekind ill needs a useless pony such as you!}

Smacks shadow to the ground shattering it.
[A pile of yummy goodness! Now enough talk. Get in my belly!]
Derpy begins inhaling, sucking up both shadows and muffins.

Once they're all sucked up, she spits all the shadows to the ground.

She asserts her dominance by shooting them all in a long continuous laser blast, melting them all down. The pinks rush in to suck it up.

>We fixed it!


>Your glass dick is in a box in one piece!
Derpy shrinks back to normal and hugs Pinkie.

[*gasp* Thank you! I'm not going to get fired!]
Suddenly sunshine and rainbows in the sky.

>Well this was an easy job. Right girls?

>Now for our main segment...SUCK IT!

*Porno music starts playing*

>Okay, Punch. You can do this.

{No you can't.}

>She's not going to attack you with the princess right there.

{She totally will.}

>Just walk up to her, and ask her.

{And get killed.}

>The princess is right there, she'd stop her if she tried to punch you and turn you to paste, and or eat you.

{Which she totally can't do.}

>Nothing to worry about.

{Except dying.}

>Just get right up in there, annnnd...

He stopped behind the titan, frozen in place as she turned around, watching muscles bend her chitinous, armor like skin as she did so.

The look she gave him was nothing less than terrifying.

"What the fuck do you want?"




"And now you die."

He nearly soiled himself right there under her glare, and it was only his Princess's voice that kept him from running.

'Ya' can't punch him for saying hi.'

"I can punch him for wasting my time."

'Right, cause ya' got so much goin' on right now.'

"You're implying I need to have anything going on for my time to be wasted by a braindead vagrant."

'Pretty harsh insult fer' someone who just said Hi.'

"Accurate, though."

'Solider? What did ya' need?'



'Really, Sukcerpunch? Ah' go up ta' bat and ya' pull this on me?'

>E-erm... I uh... I had a... inquiry?

"I swear to fuck if you are looking for a date-"



'What, seriously?'

"All the time."

'Seriously!?... Well, shoot, don't try ta' date her, Suckerpunch. You can do better.'

"I have never been more insulted in my life."

>I... I...

'I think he broke.'

"Happens around me a lot."

'...Fine, ya' get a point fer' that one.'




"...The fuck did he say?"

'Ain't got no idea. Soldier? Whatever ya' wanna ask her, maybe ya' should go through me first. Ya' seem... a bit stiff.'


>I... I just erm...

"This is starting to piss me off."

'What doesn't?'

"The long ago memory of watching my mother bleed out on the ground, defeated beneath my hooves."

'...Sad part is, not even surprised.'

>...I just... oh, fuck it, do you know about changeling Queens?


>...like... all of them?

"Yes. At least the ones who were alive when I was."

>Soooo, if I was looking history for a specific Queen who would be alive around your time...

"I probably know it, yes."


"...Is that all?"

'Are you screwin' with him?'

"What? I do. I know about all of them, even personality and what powers they held. I know that."


He had wanted to leave her stare, but not like this.

Not by being shoved aside like a sack of potatoes so the princess's new student could get up in the Queen's face.

Not like this.

[Are you fucking serious!? No, fuck you, are you fucking serious!?]

"Think I broke this one too."

'Think she came prepackeaged like this, actually.'

[I've been looking for information on changeling Queen's for months, and you don't say a word, but this blank faced stupid asshole just walks up to you and you spill!?]

>...that last part wasn't really needed...

[What the fuck!?]

"I didn't spill anything, I just said I could. Though him being less annoying than you helped."


"Less shrill and ugly."

'Now let's not go comparin' looks buggerella.'


[Shut up! And you, youuuu, you'd better not-]

"What did you want to know?"


'Wait, seriously?

"It's making her mad, this is enjoyable to me."


>Uh... I was just wondering if you knew of the heirs too?



>Oh... oh! Great! Uh, cause my friend got brainfucked or something-speaking of you guys really need to stop that it's scary- and she can't remember much about her mom. Soooo-

"I could tell you what she was like, fine."



At last, the changeling in question emerged from the bushes she had been hiding in since this all started, shoving aside the yellow zombie pony in her rush.

{YESYESYESYESAWESOME! Tell me tell me tell me!}

"Is this her?"

>That's her.

"Very well. Tell me of your mother's name, and I'll tell you about her. I suppose I can spare that much."


{...Er, slight hiccup.}

"That far back? Hrm... well, not to worry, I knew of every heir as well, I very likely saved you on multiple occasions, what's your name?"

{Forty One.}


"...No... no, I-"

She groaned, mashing a hoof to her nose.

>Go easy on her. Lotta brainfucking.


"...What is your birth name, I meant?"

{I, uh... was kinda hoping you would tell me that, actually.}


{Don't know?}

"Fine, what power did your hive possess? I can get it with that one."

{...Punching stuff really hard?}

'Really hard is kinda subjective, seein' as yer' the only one in the fight that tied...'

{Knowing cool wrestler moves?}

"There is no part of this that isn't hurting me."

{Look, I don't know, okay!? I don't know anything! That's why I came to you!...Er, why SP came to you! You had to have met me back in the day, you had to know me, you're my only hope!}

[Boy did you bark up the wrong tree with that one.]

'Can't ya' do anything?'

"I can't exactly just divine the answer here... wait... wait, I have an idea."

{You do!?}

"It's just crazy enough..."

Without warning, the Queen's hoof snapped forwards, grabbed hold of the smaller changeling in the crook of her ankle, and chucked her straight up into the sky.

[This went EXACTLY how I was expecting it to.]





[Said the pegasus.]


He cocked back, shot up...

And instantly face planted into the ground when a hoof on his tail stopped him in the act.




Everyone winced when she smacked into the ground.

'Ya' still alive?'


'What the sweet apple buck was that for!?'

"...OH! OHHHH! I remember that one! That scream, right. I know that scream...

>...Are you fucking serious with me right now?


Everyone, even the prone changeling on the ground, jumped at her cry.



"...Titania had kids!?"


{Who now?}
Here is how you end all scenarios involving magic.
>With this Spike, you can sex AJ and Rarity now.
>With this Celestia, your partners will no longer melt and your mother won't be able to shoo them away.
>Cadence use your love magic to make them love someone else as if they were Shiny if it bothers you so much. Alternatively make yourself love them.
>Luna. Use an age spell on 56 to get Chrysalis off your tail.
And that's why we don't use magic to solve our problems, children!

The end results always look super fucking creepy.
If all else fails, works for me.
I, uh... I don't think he was serious, mate.

Preeetty sure the Cadence and Luna bits were a tip off, if not the "use this to overpower GOD." bit.
That someone took that seriously and thought "Yeah, I could go with that" is worrying me, I'm not going to lie.
>>Cadence use your love magic to make them love someone else as if they were Shiny if it bothers you so much

"Oh sure, but when *I* do it, I get shot the fuck out of canterlot and locked in a ballroom for a fucking year, and nobody trusts me. And I only did it to the one guy, we're not even talking combos like she's doing!... This is some bullshit discrimination."
Look all I'm saying is, if the choice boils down to 'leave them in misery or throw the mcguffin at it' then Pitch. That. Chicken!

...er mcguffin. Throw the mcguffin at it.
Has anyone else noticed that when we go for the cure all problems in one fell swoop we never give Shiny wings or sex with lovehorse.
I think those are pretty much assumed. He'll get his wings once sun horse is off cooldown an caddy has to get into the mood eventually. Probably as soon as people quit bugging her about it.


They had expected at least a little buildup, some rising tension, some stakes being established before the true horror of this clearly haunted house arrived.

Then the walls exploded, the floor grew teeth, eyeballs appeared on the ceiling, they ran for what felt like hours...

And now they were on a roller coaster, going through tunnel after tunnel of horror..




>Don't yell at mah dog!

"I'll yell at your dog if I want to! It's her fault!"

>We weren't really gonna leave Sweetie Belle anyway!



"...OH SHIT! Ghost!"



>Don't be takin' her side- OH CRABAPPLES!

They ducked just in time for a ghost to pass over them for the fifth time, claws grasping where their heads had been a second ago.

"Phew... that was close."

>Yep, now we get ta' go inta' that giant worms maw.





'Fly you fools!'


'No, I mean jump out of the cart!'

>...Sweetie Belle!?

'Jump not-white pony!'

They couldn't see her, but they could hear her, which wasn't comforting considering what she asked.

>...Do we trust our good friend, who has stuck with us through thick and thin, good and bad, been a true crusader from the very start and to this point? Do we stick ta'gether, believe in her, and jump outta this cart like she's askin'?... Do we believe in Sweetie Belle?




>Oh, well, if Winona says so.


Without warning, Applebloom jumped.

She took Scootaloo with her.

"I didn't sign up for a cutie mark crusader suicide pact! AHHHHHH!"




>...Are we dead?

"I don't know, I'm afraid to open my eyes."

>It feels like we landed on a cloud.

"I think that happens when you die."

>Yep.... we're dead.



>Sorry fer' killing you.

"You know, you really should be."

'Hi guys!'

Reluctantly, very reluctantly, both of them opened up their eyes to find...

A room.

A stage room. Covered in black felt, with plenty of lights, a clear view of the roller coaster they had leapt from, and...


They wasted no time hugging her, or strangling her, it was hard to tell.

>Where have ya' been!?

'In the funny room with my new buddy the ghost!... he gave me candy!'


"...She just-ugh..."

Clop. Clop.



Without warning, her blade was out, pointed directly at the second set of hoofsteps.

[Hello? Miss Belle? Did you find out who was... does that dog have a sword? OH FUCK!]


Only at her masters command did she stop trying to stab the guy.

The completely normal looking, pony guy in a ghost costume missing it's head.

Who had been strangely unbothered by the dog pointing a sword at his throat.

'Told you it was my friends!'

[And I told you just to let me turn the thing off instead of making them jump from a moving vehicle.]

'But it was awesome when I did it! Why wouldn't I let them do it too? That's not fair!'

>...Ah' regret a lotta things.

"Join the club."

>That's how Ah' got inta' this mess.

[Sorry about that, this place was supposed to be shut down until Nightmare Night. Nobody was supposed to be here, but it looks like you guys stepped on an activation plate that was supposed to be turned off, and well...]

>Er, sorry for trespassing?

[Oh, no worries, your friend's company was plenty.]


>...Ah' don't wanna know.


[Speaking of, are you like your friend and will-]


[Aw, that's a shame...]


"You know, this place is pretty dangerous."

[Well, good news! You can get back on the road now, storms all gone.]


In no time at all, they were back outside in the sunny, sunny day.

[Here's some supplies, your friend told me you lost yours, figured I'd help out. Terrible, terrible things can happen on this road if you're not prepared, wouldn't want that to happen to anybody.]

"Er, thanks, but we don't really have any money."

[Not a problem, she already paid for it.]



"...Don't wanna know."


>Well, we'll be seeing you.




He waved them off, all of them, as they continued their journey once more.

>...Hey, wait a minute, if nobody was supposed to be there, and it wasn't open till Nightmare Night... what was that guy doing in that house all dressed up in the middle of a storm?

As one, they turned around...

And the house, and the pony with it, was gone.

'...You know, something seemed kinda off with him when his head popped loose and he could still use it just fine.'


>You said it, girl. All together now?



Was worried I wasn't going to have time this thread!
Of course not.

We're realistic in what might actually happen.
...Sweetie bell, what the fuck.
Now intellectually I know the didn't...y'know. With sweetie bell, but...I'm not sure how to read that any other way. Never thought I'd say this but my imagination for innuendo is failing me.
Which part? When I read it I just assuemd

>Her company was plenty

It's a lonely ghost.

>In the funny room

She was in the room that controls the rides, and he had candy that was in the bowl.

>Are you like your friend and will

Stick around because it's a lonely ghost.

>she paid for it

Either she gave him some company because he's a lonely ghost, or... you know, She ACTUALLY paid for it. With money.

Really, if it weren't for the previous story and AB/SL's reactions, I wouldn't even have caught the innuendo at all.
Yeah, the innuendo twist only really works when you realize he's a ghost.
Alright, author of the CMC thing bobs, answer us this

How many times did Sweetie Belle get fucked.

Just answer the fucking question already I am holding a GUN to my HEAD cos I didn't sign up for this shit no sirree
I've seen enough hentai to know that being a ghost is no real impediment.
>Post ending in 69

Ha, I'm apparently twelve.

And why would I spoil the fun?

...But seriously, that guy was a ghost. That was the joke. He's a ghost. Kinda ruins the joke that I just have to come out and say it, but that's the twist. He's a ghost. He's a ghost who wanted some company and didn't want them to die like he did on the road when it was time to leave.

I originally had the twist be that he was trying to abduct them but had second thoughts, but I felt like it ruined the punch line. Ghost. Just a ghost.


He's just a nice ghost with a scary house.



Nooo! Don't spoil that one! That one's perfect in not knowing!


Whatever you THINK happened, that is what happened, yes. That's the answer.

This isn't a copout so I don't have to spoil the joke/ruin it for someone, this is an experiment in the reader filling in what they enjoy most in the gaps.

Whatever you think Sweetie Belle did, be it just have a nice carriage ride with a kind old guy who didn't want to see little kids alone on a road and that is all, or the other thing, you the reader get to decide!

Not a copout!

That's my story and I'm fucking sticking to it.
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Boy, that escalated quickly.

But seriously dude, you don't ask an author to reveal something like that when the whole joke is it is ambiguous, especially like that, that's just poor form and poor taste.

He felt her coming before he saw her, shrouded in the fire of the sun.

With what he had experienced before, he was intuited to it. The way the world felt just so slightly off to the side when she came, the feeling that things had become a little more hectic even when he was still. That feeling, in his gut, that made reality itself taste sour when it should not be.


Her descent was dainty, almost. Timid, so very much unlike the being who held such power as to be able to wipe out anything in her way, be they mortal or pseudo-goddess. She was seemingly meek, apologetic even as she landed, and that filled him with uncertainty. Was this an act of apology for her earlier fleeing... or that of something else?

Was she apologizing for what she had done... or what she would do?

He had plans for both.

>Um... sorry for running off. I just... needed to think about this.

"Of course, I don't blame you. Well? What did you come to?"

Off to the side came a growl. A deep, foreboding growl that spoke volumes without a single word. All her gained knowledge, yet she reverted to animal instincts when the time came.

All her words learned, yet they spoke less than a mere sound.


'Me not want to go back.'

She had regained her weapon, it seemed. Gripped once more in ivory claws, useless in its empty state yet comforting in it's heavy weight. She held it as a shield, something to protect her even as they all knew it could do nothing even were it loaded with every bullet in Equestria and beyond. It was not about power, it was little more than a safety blanket in metal form.

'Me... me not going back.'

She gripped it harder, so much so her paws nearly rent into the neat, brushed metal and left scrapes.

"Buttercup, Calm down."

His eyes, unseen to the pony, cut to the side with his words. A look, nothing more than that, was enough to calm her down, just a bit.

"Now, Princess... what have you decided?"


She breathed deeply, steeled herself for what was to come, held herself up as tall as she could, not even realizing her body had begun to warp with such an act. Without even noticing, she now towered over the changeling.

>You... have not been hurting them, you have not been twisting them... but you are using them.

"...I am."

He did not deny it, for how could he? This was the plan, the goal after all. To say he had no intentions not to make use of them was a lie, plain and simple.

>But not in a way to hurt them, or exploit them. You're using them, like we do sometimes with animals.


>...but it's all happening too fast.

She sighed, looking around to the forest, which for once was bursting with life and activity just beyond their sight.

>You're tipping the scales too far in one direction, and life... it's going to find a way.

"To adapt?"

>To exploit it.

She sighed, waving her hoof with such care, parting the trees with the help of candy cane hooks that sprouted from the ground. It revealed to them, all of them, that life unseen, bustling and moving with dozens of creatures big and small, not a predator among them.

>Seven, this isn't just some thing that naturally corrects itself. Nature is all about exploiting and flourishing. When an opportunity arises, it goes at it with everything it has. It doesn't stop, because animals do not know what stopping means. They know survive, flourish... and caught.

"I see..."

He looked around, pensive in his thoughts, scanning it with a careful, trained eye.

"...I didn't even think about this, really."

>It's hard, thinking about what one small thing will do. Just one Manticore, one cragodile... and everything can change. But small changes can be fixed, in time. All of it so fast... it leaves an impact.

"I see... so..."

He looked back to her, eyebrow cocked in thought.

"What does that mean for my little operation?"

>...You can keep going.


She couldn't help it. For the very first time, Buttercup fistpumped in the air. She was that excited, she cared not a wit she didn't know what it meant or why she did it.

>But... you have to let some of them go back. You have to put some of your 'subjects' back into the wild, and let nature do the rest.

That, in an instant, took the wind from her sails.

'But... none of them want go either.'

>But they have to.

'But that not fair!'

She stepped forwards, growling, defensive to the shapes out of sight that suddenly hid inside their 'homes'.

'They am already have it, not fair give them then take away!'

>I know... I know and I'm sorry, but there has to be some balance.

Tears, strangely colored though they were, began to form on the edge of the pony's eyes.

>I don't want this, I don't want to do it... but I went over it again, and again, and... in one generation, they'd be overgrown. They'd be everywhere. Nothing would be able to sustain them, and then we... not them, we'd have to...

She choked up, the very thought of such a scenario bringing her heart to a stop.

'But... but it not fair...'

Her heart began to sink, drowning in the pit of her stomach.

A liferaft came, as it had before, in the form of light laughter from the only male in the group.

"Oh, not to worry. I think I have a solution where we can all be happy."

Something about the way he smiled was... unsettling to Fluttershy, down to her very chaotic core.


>You do?

"Oh yes. I think we can kill many, many birds with one stone... if you'll pardon the expression."


He just... smiled.

"Well, since none of them want to go back to the wild... why don't we find some who do?"

She had no idea what he meant. No idea what that could pertain to.

But from the way the manticore smiled with joy... she was willing to give it a shot.

>Tell me everything, and I'll think about it.

"...Have I told you I've started dating?"

The plan, without her even knowing it, had begun.




>"...Have I told you I've started dating?"

...No? You haven't mentioned anything. You and Fs haven't SPOKEN before this.
He's... not good at badass lines.
...this is going to get fucked, isn't it?
He JUST said he's dating, anon.

Unless you mean FS/Buttercup, which... hrm.

I'll be right back.

>Ya' know, Twi's been fallin' all over herself tryin' ta' learn more bout changelings.

"I, likewise, have been falling all over myself completely not caring."

>Don't ya' wanna at least leave somethin' behind to remember who came before?

"Are you threatening me you pony princess."

>Just sayin', ain't no telling when something might happen.

"...threat received."

>Was just talkin' bout-

"I'm on to you."



>...Gonna be like that, really?

"...It's better than telling you about them. They, uh... left something to be desired, legend wise."

>...Ah' feel your pain...
AT LAST! Diet-Punchbug knows who her mom is!

...Now what?
Yeah, uh... what comes next?
>All of those
Instant fixes that require no effort and will be done in mere moments with no stakes or trials on the writers part.
>Those two things you mentioned.
Subplots who have been carefully cultivated with lots of attention and work to make them believable and sympathetic.

We could have insta fixed either of those if we wanted to a long time ago, but we wanted to put in the effort for shieldhorse to make those things believable, and developed.

It is not a choice I regret.
I get the general idea what you're saying, but that's not a shiny exclusive. For starters, cadence has been pretty well developed I feel. We have been putting a lot of effort with her too. Not only that ,I mean, Dash's thing took forever, and we actually had to argue over whether or not we wanted to take the long road. We did, and it was great, but it was still a fight all the same. We also have always been putting effort into Fluttershy recently, and of course PD. Like I said, I get what you're saying, but I don't think we'd ever really just insta fix it.

If the writers, or hell just the readers I want to see the effort for those subplots , we will see them.
Didn't mean to imply he only got development and time, just the reason why you never see those two things pop up. He don't need them, because he don't need no instant fix.

Just praising the effort, not derision to anyone else
Anon, you're legit worrying me.

Need to chill, not that big a deal.
Sadness when she realizes how much she's not living up to her mom. This was the girl that gave mega bug a run for her money sometimes.

Lot of sadness...
Good night thread
Hey, at least now she is looking in the right direction.
I'm curious what Chitty's gonna do about it tho.
Titania was kinds sorta her rival and shit, opposing her on regular basis.
I wonder how that changes (or rather creates) 41/Chitania dynamic.

Celestia sits on a beach, under a palm tree, drinking out of a coconut.
>This is a good day. No pony to bug me about an emergency, no Applejack trying to question me. Just me and this coconut. Life is good.
A banana falls on her head.
She looks up and sees that the tree doesn't have any bananas.
Peels the banana and eats it.
>Waste not, want not.
Tosses the banana to the side. She sits back again taking in the sun.
>...I think I'll leave the sun overhead just a liiiiittle bit longer.
The peel earlier moves closer. Celestia catches movement in the corner of her eye and it drops limp as soon as she looks.
Looks away. It crawls closer and closer. She looks again and it stops moving.
As soon as she looks away it grows large and swallows her up, covering her up in darkness.
>What's going on?! I'm being attacked! Help!
The banana peels itself and she finds herself in the tree among other bananas.

"HAHAHAHA Tia! Who's a bundle of bananas now?"

>...I never called you a bundle of bananas. In fact, I said you're no fun. You're the one who tried to claim she's a bundle of fun.

"...You're a banana!"
Flies away.

>...wait! I'd still like to get down! ...Luna? Luna! ...I guess this is my dream life now.
>Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter, and we are the ones who watch the night! Now for our main segment...Dreams are an Open Door!

'I guess that's it then. Now what? Watch her deliver the wrong packages to other places?'

"We should probably wait here for auntie Luna."

>...waiting sucks.

"...it does."

'...I wonder if there's a good day spa here. Maybe we can get a massage.'

>Oh I can do that for you!
Hits Cadence's back.


>Wasn't that great? I like pretending to be a chiropractor sometimes. Let me do it again!

"Nope...nope I'm good."

'...I'm so bored...I want to set fire to one of the houses and watch it burn.'

>We can't do that.

'Why not? It's a dream. Not like we're burning a real houses. Plus look at that hay roof and tell me you don't want to watch it catch on fire.'

>We're in somepony else's dream. That's just rude.

'But what if she gives us permission?'

"It's probably not going to happen. She looks really into making deliveries right now."

>Does anypony actually know how to get back from here?

'You don't?'

>No I just followed Luna. I didn't think she'd leave us here without supervision.

"Then I guess we couldn't leave even if we wanted to."

[You want to leave? I could take you to the door that I usually Luna and the nightguards walk through.]

>We'd appreciate it. If we go now maybe we'll have time to do an episode for our club!
Derpy takes them to a house with a red door.

[Here you go. Thanks for helping me.]

>Happy to make a difference.

"Wasn't it a recurring dream?"

>I said we made a difference!

'Good enough for me.'
They go through the door.

Puts a package in the nearby mailbox. After she walks away it catches fire and spreads to the house with the red door.
Celly/Luna fun

I love this.


The epic conclusion to a package being delivered!
A dream package, no less.

Because Pinkie.
We need some more sisterly love yall
Could go on any direction right now.

Like her, hates her and everything in between
And of course, somehow it all burned down.

Because Pinkie

>I can't believe I missed out on so many things with my friends!

"Yep. It's a tragedy."

>All the laughs, the adventures, the feelings!"

"Can't imagine what that's like."

>I feel so betrayed!

"Awww, just take it as them getting back at you for missing out on your birthday."

>Wha? They were all at my birthday.

"Really? Well, I'm sure there were dozens o other events."

>I think dozens is a lot.

"Well, at least they never had to stick themselves in a group picture after the fact."

>Well obviously, why would they need to?







>Come on.


>Come onnn.

"Not happening."

>Shiny, Ah' know you can be stubborn, but really, we need ya' ta' let up on the export tax.

"And I know you know that I need that surplus, as it provides a boost I need for my economy."

>We're in just a bit of a pickle is all.

"Now, AJ, if I do it for you, I have to do it for everyone. That wouldn't be fair."

>...Yer' related ta' most of the rulers here in some fashion.

"Principal of the thing."

>Look, can't we just tip the payment in some way?

"I'm listening."

>Fine... RARITY!

'You rang?'

>I need ya' ta' join Shining's Harem.



>Ain't no other way. It's fer' Equestria.


"What she said!"

>Aw, come on Rars, it'd be great.


>You'd get ta' marry a dream prince, get your own sparkling kingdom, and so on.

'SO!?... I mean, yes, I wanted to marry a prince since I was a filly, but-'

>Oh, and did Ah' also mention you never have to do anything but go out and be popular because he handles the paperwork, you get to spend time over here whenever you feel like it-

'That's still not-'

>Annnd, you never even have to sleep with him.


"Applejack! I can't believe you would even say that!"

>Was just a joke.

"Well, it wasn't a very funny one! Right, Rarity?"



'...OH MY GOSH!'






>So about that reduction-




>Okay, so, bad news. Apparently everyone heard about mah' little joke, annnnd-


>Oh, good... would think it would be pretty hard ta' miss the long line o' new applicants, Ah'm gonna be nice and call 'em, from pretty much everywhere.







"Yes, dear?"

[I've got this one.]

"...I am so turned on right now."





>So, what you're saying is... you knew my mom.

"I knew literally every Queen when I was active, they all wanted me to save them."

>And my mom... was named Titania.

"I think. Fifty percent sure, mostly."

>The Titania that was, apparently, your eternal rival.

"Both of those last words are greatly exaggerated."

>The one who would fight you, YOU, all the time.

"All the time. Could not brush my teeth without dealing with her some days."

>YOU... and not just you like you are now, she fought you when you were... big. Big big, not just big, but really big. She fought you.

"Correct. Though she was covered in corpses, don't know how you want to scale that."


"Me. She was literally the only one to openly fight me. Mostly stupidity."


'Think ya' broke her.'


[Definitely broke something.]


{Huh... well, hey! You know who your mom is now! Woo!}

"Fifty percent sure... maybe."

{But you don't know her name?}

"I had no idea Titania had her brood. She must've waited until I was in the ice to do it... how'd she die anyway? I never found that out."

'Have ta' ask buggo for that one.'


{Sooo, since she was your eternal rival and stuff-}

"GREATLY exaggerated."

{-you're not going to, like, seek vengeance on Forty One, right?}

"For what?"

{For... like, the rivalry. You're not going to like seek her out to finally get the ending battle you never got with Titania to get a sense of closure for all those times you engaged in epic battle with no real conclusion, right?}

"...No? Why would I, I always won."

{But what about all the massive fights, the war that never seemed to end between you two, the power you both displayed in a never ending battle to see who, truly, was the superior? You missed your one last, grand battle to once and for all prove that you were the strongest there is!}

"What part of always won is not clear here?"


"Right, me. See? She gets it."


'Ah'm just gonna take you not smashin' her as a win, thank you very much.'

"Why would I do that? She doesn't even know anything about Titania."

'...Could ya' tell her?'


'You know, tell her. You knew her, right? Well... would it be too much trouble just ta' give her the lowdown? Would be pretty... pretty sad iffin' she just forgot about her mom and never knew anything about her. Ah'm not even sayin you should tell her how her ma's power worked-'

[Yes, you should do that, you should absolutely do that.]


'Sunny? Teacher speakin' here, zip it. But what Ah' mean is... can't ya' tell her bout.. her?'


"Is she still broken?"

'Gonna change the subject like that, really? Look, Ah'm not askin' ya' ta'-'


"This is annoying me."

{Forty One? You're, uh... you're worrying me, are you okay?}

>...Excuse me for a second.

With wide, dead eyes, she turned around, and roboticly wandered off into the woods.

'Forty one? Where... ah, horseapples.'

"...Gonna blame that one on me too?"


{Punchbuddy! Come back!}

Wasting no time, he took off after her, disappearing into the woods in seconds.

"...So are they fucking?"

[Wow, gonna go right there?]

'What do you care?'

"Just wondering."

'Well, ain't got no clue, and it ain't mah' business.'

"...Her mother was an asshole, you know."

'Knowin' your parents weren't that great is better than dreamin' bout what they could'a been.'


[...Soooo about that power-]


"Thank you."

'Don't mention it.'

>Hello darkness my old friend...
Okay, so when's ____13____ going to show up?

Think she has some wisdom on this matter.
>AJ and Chitania bond over the stupidity they have to put up with.


>So they would-

"Yep. And yours, they-"

>In mah bathtub.

"They ever use the catapult?"

>With mah bits, no less. They ever stab-

"With a fork or spear?"

>Either or.

"Yes. So then yours also-"

>Cake, all the time cake.

"I think mine kept hitting on me. You?"

>You'd be amazed.

"...You should come by the library sometime."

>Yeah, figure Ah've gotta lunchbreak once a week.

"Lucky bitch..."
I am curious. Is 13 looking for anything or is she just.. An excuse for Chitty to be there?
She said she was coming down to 'visit' her Hive, though its pretty obvious she's looking for something specific.

What, I have no idea, but it involves Applejack's group, or maybe Applejack herself, for some reason.

Althoooough, thinking about it... is there any chance she's only down there because of Sunset?

Regardless, she's got her own thing.

What was the point of it all?


What was the point of even trying, of even making the attempt?


How could she ever hope to teach anyone, to be a mentor as her teacher was, when she understood so little?


Children... that was all she understood. She understood simple minds which were easily molded, never caring how just as easily they could have snapped back. Never following up, merely a lesson learned and that was the end of it.


Yet, when confronted by a mind she could not so easily point and control... she fell apart, just as she always had.

Just as she always would.

"Okay, okay I think it's stopped for a- BY THE THUNDERERS BEARD!"

She was a failure, just as she knew she would be in teaching, just as she knew she would be any time she tried to compare to her sister. She had failed, and fled. That was when she had sought out the Tanatabus, to learn from it as she should have so long ago, to let it show her the truth.

But it had not sought her... it had found him.

Her 'student'.

"Mine fair Tantabus, before now I never noticed, but thou art quite ravishing in stature. Perhaps you may put down thing weapons and bringers of pain, and perhaps upon this night I may show thee something much more... interesting you can do in a dream. Maybe, for once... your fantasies can come tru-GAHHHH! Blast!... Oh, don't give me that look, it worked on Sciderella!"

Even her own creations fled from her. Perhaps... it could teach him instead. It certainly couldn't do as poorly as she had.


Even now, he cried to her.

Even now, she would not move. She could not.


No matter how much she wanted to.

"YOU HAVE TO STOP IT! Please! I... I'm sorry! I'm sorry for what I said! You have to stop it! Only you can!

>...No... I can't.


Her sorrowful eyes found the creature, ignoring her, not paying her any mind.

Forgotten, just like she should be.

>I can't do anything right.

She found herself forgotten again, by her own self and her own body. Floating aimlessly in a sphere of her magic, unable to move, unable to fight.

>A thousand years passed without me, and all any could remember was what I'd done as the being of their Nightmares... as they should.

It haunted her to this day. She had never let go of it, punishing herself every time she slept with it's memory. It was still a part of her, as it should be. Tantabus was not a being of malice.

It was justice.


She winced at the word. It felt toxic to her, an insult even.

>All I have to teach is what not to do, who not to be... I should never have thought I could teach one with a mind more than a simple child to actually better themselves. How could I?... I don't know anything myself. I have nothing to leave behind to the ages should I be taken from this earth again. Cast me to the moon... and I have nothing of note to my name. All I am to be remembered for... is that.

It had shifted in it's form ever so subtly, even as it continued to ignore her and bring pain to the insect. Less of a formless pony, more... familiar.

The only image she would ever be known for, if she lived ten thousand years more.

>My one attempt is all I shall ever be known for. I shall be feared, even if they do not say it. I shall be looked at with side eyes, as they well should. My sister will never trust me again... as she should not. None, be it my citizens or my friends, shall ever really trust me, even if they pretend to... and I deserve it.

"...Do... do you really think so?"

Her ears flickered, at that. There was something strange in his words, something...


"Will... will they really never be able to forget it?"


The Tantabus, so gleeful as it had been before, had stopped. It had become, if such a word could be attached to it, curious. It took only a touch of pressure this time, a subtle poke where as before had been bricks chucked with abandon, and the dam started to crack.

"Surely it was just one little invasion, right? And it was so long ago! Come now, it wasn't that bad. Sure, the princess was injured and there was some property damage, but think of all that could be made now! There... well, nobody is in jail, are they not? And surely if such a concern was met they would be in prison, wouldn't they? So... so clearly the populace will understand if... if there was one little mistake..."

Even though all of the attacks and the pain, he had remained bright and active. He had remained standing, mouthy and loud.

Now, however, his already chitin as dark as the night seemed a touch duller in color. Emptier.

"...E-even if the others won't, they will, right? They care... right?"

Much like his words.

So very unlike... Tantabus.

It grew, and grew, even as he went smaller and smaller. Even as he curled up, eyes wide with realization of a thousand unspoken words. As he rumbled with a chill down his spine, it shook with a power filling it to the brim.

"...I... I'm just a bug monster, aren't I? This whole time, they were just pretending... Marey just wanted me to do her work, Zecora just wanted me to deal with the spirit, Trixie just wanted a place to sleep... oh... e-even... even Fifty Six, he didn't... he didn't care. He just needed someone to carry him, to feed him. I was just there to pay for his habits, he never wanted me... nobody ever really wanted me... they just wanted favors..."

Soon, soon now... it could break free.

Tantabus would be free.

"...she didn't want to teach me... she just wanted to show up her sister... that was all..."

He was almost gone.

"...I'm just a bug monster..."

Only a little... bit... more...

>Away you damned thing! BEGONE!


The orb rocked the being off it's hooves with a single strike, blasted it back away from the fetal-curled form of the changeling below. It made not a sound as it was knocked away, but the look it gave in return was far darker than it's coat could ever be.

>Away We said!

She floated, stance wide and defensive to cover the smaller thing as she rocked her head from side to side, trying to shake free the worming thoughts it had burrowed into her skull, never succeeding fully.

To her horror, the thing seemed content to leave her and her progeny alone, and instead...

It turned to the walls that prevented it from fleeing into the world.

>Twenty Nine! To your hooves, We command this! Thou must stop this before it escapes! We cannot face it while it still has hold of you!

"What... what's the point? It's pointless... I deserve this..."

>Of course thou thinks such, the thing was created for no other purpose! Tis the Tantabus in your mind, nothing more! This is what it was meant to do! Now rise!

"I deserve it, I deserve to be punished for all of time. They would've been enslaved, drained dry, why would they ever forgive that? Twice, we did it... who could ever forgive that? They shouldn't. They... they should never forgive me... I should be punished."

She grabbed him, her magic held tight to his neck, trying to force him to stand.

He would not, falling away every time.

>Thou have answered for thine mistakes already! If We sought more from you, We would have taken it! Now rise!

"But why!?"

He looked to her, with eyes so full of veins they looked like a spiders web gone horribly awry.

"Why!? It's pointless! It doesn't matter what comes next! You said it yourself, no matter what I do... I'll always be that monster that tried to take over Canterlot. I'll always be that black evil creature with fangs hungering for the children of ponies! I'll always be that, nothing more!"

She winced, the blows of the Tantabus already straining her magical might.


>That... it's not true, thine friends would never see you as a-

"What of my 'friends', huh!? Its the same, even to them! Even if they never say it out loud, even if we spend a hundred days more seeming happy, they will always just look to me with that thought in their mind, 'is he going to snap and kill us all again'? 'Is he still a monster, just pretending'? Why would they trust me?! Why would they ever trust me!?"

>Because... because they are your friends. We've seen it. We know it. We have seen what thine friends hold in their hearts with you... it is not fear or hate.

"What is the difference then!?"

Her mouth flapped like a fish, gasping for the words as it would the air that let it breath. She was lost, nothing to be formed as she sought to prove him wrong, as she should.

>...There isn't one.

He looked to scream more, to challenge her more, only to have her turn away. To look above as another horn strike nearly tore the barrier in two.

>Twenty Nine?

He did not answer her, unable to get up, still down, still defeated. He needed something, she knew.

He needed her, right now, to do the one thing she could not.


>If you will not listen to Our words, listen to theirs.

He felt the first touch upon his back before the last word left her lips. A hoof, so very, very...



He turned around, though it proved fruitless. No matter how hard he tried, he could not see them all.

>There is wisdom in innocence and youth, student. If I cannot show you... perhaps they can.

A crowd, so massive, so wide, all of those same innocent, sad faces.

~Mister, you're not...~

When one could not finish...

~You're not a bug monster.~

Another one could in it's place.

~We're sorry we keep asking you to do stuff, really!~

~We don't mean to bother you...~

~We'll stop if you want, just please... don't go.~

"...You could never bother me..."


He reached out to touch one, and the moment his hoof came to them, he did. He felt their fur tickling under his hoof, he felt their soft bodies beneath that coat. He felt... warmth.

~We just keep asking, but we never give nothing back to you.~

"N-no, no it's... that's not what I meant. There's nothing wrong with it. I... I want to."

~But what about all your friends, they want to, don't they? So why wouldn't they like you too?~

One by one, ghostly images of them appeared. Those closest to him, that had stuck with him through thick and thin, ghosts and zombies, monsters and even his own vices. The ones who had been there...

Who perhaps he had taken for granted.

~I couldn't even get my big brother to help me pick up my toys when I wanted to. If they didn't really like you, why are they helping you?~

"I... I..."

He had no answer for that.

~Please, mister... don't feel bad. When you feel bad...~

They closed in on him, like a massive, luminous and warm blanket.

~It makes us feel bad.~

His eyes were red again, as they had been before.

But for a very different reason this time.

"...I... I'm sorry... I don't feel bad anymore."

No words he had ever spoken had been so honest.


This moment, wherein at last he felt consumed, at last he felt peace...

Could not last.

He felt the roar without ever hearing it, something that shook him down to his very core. He had been freed from the thing clawing at his mind, but the being was not gone yet.

It was not yet done.

For nothing he could do, no matter what it was, would be enough to break the beast.

Only one could.


>Twenty Nine?... You do not deserve to suffer anymore.

She was gone.

In a flash of light and her power, the Princess of the Night was gone, upwards into the false sky.

Upwards, to Tantabus.

>I made you to bring me the pain I deserved, monster. Well... bring it to us once more!

It roared without a sound, a challenge made without wait, and met her charge.


They clashed, brilliant colors beyond compare diverging in every direction to cover the world unreal.

They fought, magic beyond his mind's ability to perceive it shaking and rattling the reality that had been created. Though he knew them of false body, he still found himself covering the little ones as they huddled around him, as they clung to him in fear of the clashing of titans above.

>I have made mistakes... I have been a monster... I have hurt those that I love...

The world shattered beneath their magic, the land below crumbling into an empty, vacant void without ends as it was broken.

>I have been many things, Tantabus... but I am not that pony anymore!

The starlight body of the thing fell away in waves beneath her luminous, all powerful magic. The place of her magic she had created bent and warped, distorted like a rock thrown into a lake with every blow against it's starlight body.

>They believe in me! They trust in me!

In the stars above, their shapes formed. Those of Twilight, those of her friends, and, above them all...

Her sister, burning like the sun she controlled.

>And I will prove their trust worthwhile!

The screech was that of an unholy beast as at last the Tantabus shrunk down further and further in size. Until, at last, it was less so than even that of her hoof.

A hoof, brimming with power, that she used to grab hold of the being.

>Return to where you belong!

In the void of nothingness they floated in, every eye in the reality so fake watched as she brought the hoof to herself, and at last the thing was back where it should be.

Within her.

In the darkness, in the soundless nothing, there was silence.

One by one, the children went away, sent off by her magic or of their own accord with the danger and fear long since passed, until he was alone, save the Princess.



She had remained, her hoof to her heart as it had been when she returned the magic to it. Holding it there, feeling it beneath her skin. Feeling the beat of it beneath her skin.

Her heart, beating again as it should be. Strong.

"Teacher... can we leave now?"

Her head rose up, starlight mane flowing as lightly as it had ever been, free in the wind that did not exist in this nether plane. Her look to him was not one he could ever recall seeing on her before.

It was a smile. A light, happy, completely peaceful smile.

>...No, not yet.


>No... for We think we finally know what thou needs to learn.

He slumped, exhausted and very much wishing to sleep, as much a paradox as that was.

"Haven't I partaken in enough learning for a day, teacher?"

>Twenty Nine... thou never stops learning, ever. We shall show you why.

The darkness, again. The darkness that had consumed him so many times before, the darkness that had devoured him time and time again, the darkness so rough and abrasive.

Yet, this singular time, it was not so. It was gentle, as kind as a mothers touch, as it brought him in, to carry him away once more.

For the first time, he felt no fear.

He felt... at peace.

>Come, my student... I think I'm finally ready to teach you a lesson.

If you're asking if I(41-reveal guy) brought down Chitty and 13, nope! I was going to have SP go confront Chrysalis and be terrified of her, but when he brought Chitty down I was like "Oh! She'd know, and she knows bout Titania, this works!"
Holy shit, Luna got an action scene and used kids to teach lessons.

That's just prime.
>>Come, my student... I think I'm finally ready to teach you a lesson.

>And that lesson is, stop being an asshole.

"...Well when you put it like that..."
Okay, so


None of them had actions scenes, we got that... who's missing?
Got lots
VS Chitty on the train
VS Shiny and some fights with Spike
A fucking lot.
...Data not found...
Huh.... AJ.... she hasn't even had much of an action scene, hasn't she? Aside from the "Suicide atmosphere burnout" gig

We didn't even get some good action from her during 12 rescue. Some fun stuff, sure, but no real big action scenes.

Anyone have any ideas how to rectify that?
Well, Chitania is right there in front of her...

Just kidding, please don't unless there's a way to make that funny.
Same with OnO, lotta comedy battle, but no really big spectacle fights like any Chitania brawl and/or something like Spitfire VS Shiny.

... Write an action scene with her?

I can't write action for shit, so I'm out with that, but if you wanna see her fight some shit, have her FIGHT SOMETHING.

Worked for Rarity.
Come to think of it I guess the AJ sexdoll version got more action.
Well there was >>25332124
But I dunno how to set up for that.

In a sense, we may need to checklist what she CAN do. Because there's the uninvested part of her regarding "What happens if you take stupidly stronk Earf pony top-tier farmer and make it an alicorn" That never really took off.

Like what's AJ's unique magic? Does anyone really know?
>Like what's AJ's unique magic? Does anyone really know?

She doesn't have one, no alicorn does except for Cadence and maybe Luna's dream stuff. Even Celestia and Luna's sun/moon raising shit is interchangeable with each other, and even unicorns can do that magic. Aside from that, Twilight and Celestia don't have a 'special' magic.
>In a sense, we may need to checklist what she CAN do.

Who, AJ?

>Out of control magic punches
>Wild Forcepush if it comes down to it
>Basic bringing magic out thanks to Chrysalis
>Sharing her magic with others

Or if Pennydrop, has
Well I swore way earlier people were throwing around AJ's latent magic abilities as something to do with plant life or the ever erroneous "fertility"
We have never seen her do plant magic of any kind in canon. Closest we ever got was that one awful story where she summoned vines to rape Shining that even thread 1-3 wildness was like "Yeaahh, let's just... not reply to that."

That's non-canon, in case there was some confusion on the matter.

Aside from that, what makes you think she has plant-power? She hasn't done anything with plants or fertility.
I dont fucking know man I just want to find something to make her stand out from the crowd instead of stand-in-the-corner-doing-paperwork
That's just what she's done, or rather hasn't done, not what she is or is not capable of learning. She just started learning magic now, if you want to expand on it you've got an opening and a story excuse.

Go for it, if you want.


>Rook ta' E7.
"Fuck, check."
>Ya' like that? Yeah, check'em, that's mah' chess skills.
"But what if I move Bishop to F-9?"
"They don't call me the Titan for nothing!"
>Yeah, check'em



>...So you CAN set snow on fire, and there can in fact be birds inside of it.


>Lucky Strikes

>You know, I was supposed to stop you.

"And this twenty bits says you didn't see nothing."




"Thirty five is as high as I'm going."


"...Is what I'm doing actually illegal?"


"...Twenty bits."

>... deal.
Well, Spectacle fights are quite hard to do most times, they require a lot of buildup to really have a lasting impact. Chitania's fights work because they always have a lot of buildup and context to make them have meaning, and those meanings are always around how this fight HAS to happen. The only time an all out brawl in-story would have worked for AJ is if Chrysalis and her had went at it when she broke her arm, and we all know how bad that would've gone.

Short fights are just plain more silly fun, which is why we use AJ more for them.
>Well, Spectacle fights are quite hard to do most times,

True, but damn do I wanna see AJ go all out...
Like said, wanna see it? Write it!

Can't hurt to try, after all.

>Drills for the day are in, all of the soldiers salaries for the next year are filed, and all armor and weaponry is up to code.

"All work regarding city planning and future expansion is in process."

'All foreign trade deals, salary for government staff and personal on site work here in the palace is filed and processed, and education enhancement deals are pending!'

[..I uh... I made cookies.]


[...I helped Two make cookies, I mean.]



"Oh thank love."

'Great, honey!'

[Yep... glad I could help...]

>...So! Cookies?

{Marchmalley cookies!}

"The most important thing today!"

[...I might need to take up shaving sometime...]
I don't know if I should be "Daw"ing or wincing.
Depends, do you feel any pity for Cadence?

If so/not, you know what to do.
Normally, I don't. However, this one time I feel pity for her. I know what that feeling is like where everybody else has it, friends but they are bragging about and you are still waiting on yours. Not because you suck, but just because you didn't do anything that day. It sucks.
So, apparently Two can cancel out her lethal chef powers.

Good night thread
Goodnight mate
Don't die on me!
Don't tell AJ how not to live!

She can. However she wants!
Nah m8 you're thinking of Celestia and Shining

y'know, the whole dying thing
Are 18 and shining armor engaged? If so, Can anyone link the story?
No, not yet, just dating. Cadence said ok, but he didn't do it yet.
....He actually put a ring on it?
... no, I said just dating.
shiny was shaving in the tub before anybody thought it was cool
>Cadence gets a razor and gets in the tub, sighing resignedly
>Accidentaly bumps in Celestia and Shining under the water
And sunny made an art out of Russian roulette

It was meant to be...
Ivory... uh other ivory? Living in perfect harmony...

~You all should be so ashamed of yourselves!~

>You know, this job was just plain not worth the money.

"You're saying that? You? I've seen your paycheck, asshole. It's more than I make in a year."

>Wow, that sucks.

~Is this how you would like to be treated? Is it? Do you want me to take you from your home, stick you in a tiny cage and only feed you the bare minimum because it 'interferes with results'?~

>Is she still going?

"She never stopped. Never. I don't know if she ever will stop, ever-ever."

>She's making me feel really bad, though. We're talking terrible bad. I legitimately am feeling like I am a terrible pony the more she talks.

"Think that's the idea."

~Do you think they don't have feelings? Do you think they don't know what pain is? Well, I certainly see somethings in this room that must not have feelings, and certainly deserve to know what pain is!~

>Bunsen over there is crying.

"Bunsen? You know how terrifying it is to watch Brickwall curl up into a ball sobbing 'I'm not a bad pony I'm not a bad pony'? You tell me a pony who wouldn't blink at seeing the head of security at this place sobbing like a filly. You point them to me right now."

>I think George is contemplating suicide.

"...Gryphons have such weird names."

>I noticed that.

~Some of these animals are endangered! Endangered! Do you know what that means? You're about to!~

>Do you at least get dental?


>I get dental.

"Well lah dee dah mister fancy teeth."

>Yeah, teeth aren't worth the chewing out I'm getting right now.

"...I was lead right into that one, wasn't I?"


~What do you all have to say for yourselves?~

As one, the dozen or so scientists and three dozen or so security guards looked to her, that angry, huffing yellow face no longer hidden behind a waterfall of pink mane.

And they all felt terror.


Some of them had to strain against their bindings, which were anything from snakes made of wires from the walls or bricks of inescapable jello, in order to do it, but she would have nothing less then them looking her right in the eyes.


"We uh... this was just a job."

~That's no excuse! Now, you are going to tell me exactly where you got these poor animals from, and every last one of you are going to help me put them back! It's the least you can do!~

>Yes ma'am.

"Er, princess?... Are we going to prison?"

~We'll see! I'm very, very upset at you all right now!~

>Sorry Mo-... misses princess.

~Sorry is not going to cut it this time! Now, start talking!~

>...I feel so bad inside.

"I need to call my mom..."

~Now, I said!~

The chuckle was too low for any below to hear, be they princess or worker. Idly, the dark shape hidden in the shadows tapped the tip of his hoof upon the ground, unable to keep the wry smirk off his face.

There were certainly enough predators in this lab to refill the coffers he had drained over in Everfree, he wouldn't have to give up a single one of his subjects. Not to mention, of course, shutting down a quite unsavory lab doing some quite unsavory things to animals, that was doubtless to get him certain points with the princess as well. He hadn't even had to reveal his involvement, and certainly none down below save the princess had any idea he was here, for he merely pointed the being of unimaginable power in this direction and off she went.

As he had said, so many birds with a single stone.

Now, all he had to do wait, and then begin what would be no doubt a beautiful working friendship with the princess. So many issues, solved...

Idly, he wondered to himself if he should tell the mare he's been seeing that he took out one of her staunchest rivals in the Biomagical fields, just to get some points with her too...


~You are bad and you should feel bad!~

Being the thing in the shadows was so much more fun.
Reminds me of that chess battle between Caddy and Twilight.
>FS has her own little "Agent' now
>He's playing his own game and playing her at the same time

Well, that's an interesting development...


Brush brush brush.


Brush brush brush.

>...Ya' kno, ifh realah harh tah brush mah teef wif ya' watchin'.

"We're just waiting for you to be done."

'My bathroom is broken thanks to Mane-Iac thinking it was a leaking pipe, and Celly's exploded.'

>...Uh huh.

Brush brush brush.

>...Thif if unsettlen.

"Just pretend we aren't here."

'Ignore us!'


Brush... brush...

>PTO!... All yer's.

"Thanks! You first?"

'Oh no no no, after you.'

>...A-Ah' need an adult.

"We are adults."

>Ah' dispute that, hard.
I wonder how...

Wait a minute, didn't Jetset show up in an Omake and say he was going to show up some threads ago? What happened there?

>Yer' scarin' mah hometown.


>Haw haw, yer' a riot. Ya' ever try standup?

"What sound does a pony make after it makes me mad?"

'Oh! Oh! What sound does it make!?'

>Don't encourage her.


'...Ehhhhh, two out of ten.'

"I'm insulted. That was a perfect ten."

'Your jokes need better writing. Maybe try music? Ponies love music!'

"I haven't played an instrument in public in years."

>...Ah' beg yer' pardon?

'It's like a bike! You never forget. Here, try it!'

"...this is a weird ass violin, where the bow?"

'It's a banjo, silly! We're in ponyville, and we play it country down here!'

>Ah'm sorry, we just glossin' over the fact she can play a violin? That is... information. Not sure what kind, but that there is information.

"Oh, right. Banjo... how to resort to this one when the tubas ran out."

>Ya' can play tuba?

"Not as good as piano. Do you have a piano? I can play that."

'Left it in my other tree.'

>...Mah head hurts...

"Fine, I can work with this. Just need to-"

>What are ya' doin'?

"I'm trying to play this thing."

>Yer' holdin' it too high. Ya' play it down here.

"Don't tell me how to play this thing, I'll teach you, little pony."


'..Oooh boy.'

>Pinkie, Banjo me.

'BANJOED!... Can I play too?'

"Bring it."

'WOOT! Three way banjo contest!'

>Yer' goin' down, bug monster.

"I've got another joke for you. What does the pony say when she's being beaten?"

'Oh! Oh! What?'



'...Four out of ten.'




My captcha is pianos. It just... it knows.
How often are they doing this?

Is ir part of their daily routine now?

Does Shining Armour wake up, kiss Cadence goodbye saying "Off to have a bath, dear, see you soon"?
He sure did, last thread I believe, and if all goes well, he will.
Well, it started out as a thing where Shinin' had no room in his own bed and so wandered over to Canterlot and then AJ and Celly happened so.... I'm guessing this is chronicling all the times he had no room in his bed.

Which I can totally see.
Probably at night when most people take a shower/bath.

He works hard, does all his duties, stresses himself to the bone and then at the end of the day when he and Celly need a nice long relaxation, they find an empty bathroom with a lock and chill.

...via drownin.
>Chitty VS AJ VS Pinkie three way banjo fight

This is the greatest thing ever.
These chronicles have to end up building to something.

I just know it

>...You ever feel like, at some point, this job just plain stops making sense?

"If it ever made sense before, I wasn't present for it."

'I'm pretty sure this is the most normal thing that happened this year.'

[She's not that bad at it, actually.]

{Which she?}

>Think he means the one that ate me.

{Oh, yeah... got some mad skills, I'll admit.}

"Princess is better."

'Well, that's just a given. She's clearly still struggling with those giant hooves.'

[Really, that the giant monster can play it at all is something to be admired.]

"Inspiring is what this is."

>...I wanna go back on the boat.

Only thing that would have made it perfect Sunset rocking out Rainbow Rocks style during.
I just got a chance to read this and-

>Oh, don't give me that look, it worked on Sciderella!

Wait what!?
I totally missed that line.

...how the fuck did THAT go down?
>Not full blown concert ending with peace on earth

No imagination, you anons.

One was stretched out on the beat-up couch.

The other was posted by the open window.

“You’ve been flipping through that same stack of notes for the past three hours, Screwloose….”

>Mmmmhm, and you, my little lovebug, have been staring out the window with that milksop expression for the past four hours.

“I’ll milk your sop.”

>Nice retort, real A+ effort there, but leave the milking to me, I guarantee you’ll enjoy it better.

“I… wow. Um… shit….”

>Ha, I’m not even looking your way and I can tell your blushing, pervert.

“Annnyway, the notes… what’re they about? You keep shuffling and reshuffling, swish-a-swish, swish-a-swish, what’s up?”

Ignoring him and sporting a rather toothy grin, Screwloose pushed herself up along the couch until she was hanging upside-down over the edge.

>So on a scale of one to ten, let’s say that hypothetically… something happened to wipe out your entire species. Like, we’re talking extinct as fuck, nothing left but memories, no chance of a rebirth. How upset would you be, scale of one to ten?

“…’Kay. We’re talking hypothetically, right?”

>Completely and utterly hypothetical.

“Would I still be alive?”

>I believe so, yes.

Chin in his hoof, Twelve glanced back at the grinning mare, letting his gaze linger for all of six seconds before reassigning his concern back out the window.


“You know, Screwloose… a long time ago I used to have this one hivemate. He was drone-class, like me, destined for nothing but grueling work until he was one day killed or died of love depravation… but he was a weird one. He used to say things like ‘to achieve balance, you sometimes have to cut off what you love’ and all that sort. I used to just think he was insane, we all did. But as the years went on, and when he WAS eventually killed by our Queen, all that nonsense from before? It started to make sense in the craziest ways. Course, now that it’s too late, I see what he meant and sometimes I wonder.…”


“So to answer your hypothetical question, I’d be on both ends of the scale. Spastically elated and horrendously heartbroken at the same time.”

It was rare that anything caused Screwloose to adopt a solemn expression, so it was surprising when she flipped upright on the couch, paused with some thought, then set her notes aside to make her way to Twelve’s side.

>…You know I’d never let anything happen to you. Right, Twelve?

He stayed staring out the window, stiff as a mountain even when he felt a nuzzling warmth along his neck.

“What I know is… if you want balance, something might have to happen to me. I’ll let you figure out if it’s worth it, Screwloose.”

>…You’re such a damn spoilsport, pervert.”

They shared a small smirk.

“Reality sucks, doesn’t it?”

S'cuse me but... what the utter fuck?

Holy shit! 12 was a sociopath asshole this whole time! That... answers a lot, actually.
>That... answers a lot, actually.
It kinda really does. How he took all the job abuse, how he puts up with Screws... he's almost as cracked, just more inward than outward.
>“So to answer your hypothetical question, I’d be on both ends of the scale. Spastically elated and horrendously heartbroken at the same time.”

...Why the elated.

She didn't offer any upswings to this for you, why the elated? The fuck is wrong with you?
Judging from the story he told of his other mate thing, he probably feels like the annihilation of changelings would better the world, based off their past admittedly terrible track record.

So he'd be happy they're gone (including him possibly) and sad they're gone at the same time

He had hoped, neigh, he had prayed if he were to be honest, that once that horrid mess with that unworldly being had been settled he would at last be returned to reality. At last freed from this torment that had been the remainder of his life until this point.

Alas, he was merely dragged to yet another location.

>Oh, whatever could this place be, dare I wonder? A maze of horrors? A trap laden room of terrors? Perhaps tis nothing more than row after row of hammer to be brought down upon mine head? What, oh what, is in this place?

Despite his groaning, despite his fear, despite the feeling he had that this would be yet another time that would bring him pain, something was amiss.

Something felt off about this lavish, wonderfully decorated palace room, the downy soft pillows on which he laid, the silken sheets all around his body, the warmth of the room and the positively decadent looking snacks on the table at his side.

Something was off about all of that, just a bit.

Maybe it was the lovely, sexy little number he was suddenly wearing, that might've been it.

>Oh? Trying to make up for that event with a bit of temptation to mine soul? Well, I'm not one to turn down a lovely reconciliation in dream form...

"Tis no dream. This... is reality."


Something about that worried him.

"At last, you have been given as you wish, Twenty Nine."

Something... tempting.

So very, very tempting...

>A-ah... ahem. Princess, while I have made my... preferences very well known before, and to be sure thou art... striking in thine visage to a level I've never partaken before, but though I must be quite the sight in this, and would be even more the sight atop...

He groaned, wasting no time before slamming a hoof to his face, trying, and quite failing, to drive 'those' images from his mind.

He knew of his promises to his kin, but asking him to be so strong is to ask an ant to hold up the sky.

>... I must decline...


Oh, the things he must do for family. Every single letter was yet another razor blade to his mouth, every single syllable fire that burned his throat raw.

>This is mine final test, isn't it? Tis a method to drive me mad, and thou laugh within at mine misery. To finally drive me to mine wits end by dangling that which I have so sought, so deserve, in front of me only to snatch it away! Woe, such cruelty! Have I not suffered enough upon this night? Have I not been of such a state of pain for so long tis nothing left of me but scraps? Why does thou seek to burn the scraps that remain? Why does thou seek my pain, my hate? Does thou seek the fires of my rage? Then take it! Cherish it to keep thee warm in your cold heart, and let me burn away!

"Ahem, Twenty Nine?"


"We do not recall saying t'would be us that granted it so. We know many, many royals, and many who have quite... unique tastes?"




Among other things.

"We realize now that we were trying to force thee to see it our way, that only when seen through an alicorn's eyes could true wisdom be held. Well, we realized our folly when we saw thee crumpled and much like ourselves. Perhaps, it seems, a teacher does not have to drill in lessons, but learn... as we ourselves did."

>Mine curiosity has been peaked! Now, what must I do?



"Nothing at all. The Emperess- and before thou asks her empire is roughly double the size of Manehatten-"

>Plenty for me!

"-will return come nightfall, and then thou shall fulfill her every fantasy, and then some."


He did not care how childish it was.

He was going to squee.

"Merely wait, perhaps wander about-but not too far from this room- if thou wishes to stay in shape, and that is the end."

>This... this is too good to be true. What is the catch?

"No catch, no tricks, nothing of the sort. She is not cruel, she is no old and haggard crone, or anything like that. And in case you doubt it so..."


To puncuate her point an image was conjured of a quite tall looking pony, not quite of the level of beauty of a princess but certainly not lacking in that department in any fashion.

"She is simply a mare with wild desire, who will treat you well. Thou said that thee wished for royalty's desires to sate-"

>I did!

"And thou art given it. The end.

>...I'm so, so happy...

He was.

He truly was.

At last, he had been given it all. He had been given all he desired.... All he deserved.

He had succeeded, at last.

"Good! Now, simply sign this, and off thee we shall go."

A letter floated before him, eagerly snatched by his hooves. Yet, it was not the contract promising utter debauchery and release to any injuries one would sustain in the making of love so grand it would put the filthiest minds of the generation to shame. No, nothing like that, it was, instead...

>A letter of resignation?

"Of course. Obviously, thou cannot hope to continue thine work with the mayor at this point. This is very much a full time job, and she is much too far away for travel to be possible inbetween."

Something very cold suddenly appeared within his stomach, and he could not fully explain why.

>...Oh, so I take it we are quite far from ponyville?

"Did thou think that we had Empresses with massive land just behind our mountain? Even if she had been in Canterlot, the trips back and forth would be too long for thou to easily maintain. How could thou hope to be a bringer of pleasure for a royal, and also an assistant for a small town mayor? Did thou not seek out such a state to leave a place so unworthy behind?"

>...Well yes, I suppose it was... quite silly to assume I could be in two places at once. So-

"So I will have to, unfortunately, switch my teachings to Zecora for dealing with the children. Not to worry, she is quite capable of handling it."

>O-oh, of course, I never doubted that. But it seems... like a lot for her to handle. Can I not handle some of them here?


"Perhaps the few with the dreams, but any physical interactions are right out. Thou cannot be out and about on grand feats of salvation while also working, after all. Thou is to be on call whenever she feels... a need? That is the job applied for, was it not?"

>Well, yes...

"Oh, and not to fear, Trixie will no doubt be taken in by one of thine other friends. While I doubt they can help her with her shows, thou can write to her at the very least, yes? She will be fine."

>Of course, they wouldn't leave her, but...

"Is something the matter? Have no worries, thou shall be cared for and given whatever fancy desired on a whim, she is quite lucrative to those who... perform admirably, and though we are loath to admit it, the odds of your bragging and description of abilities holding at least a kernel of truth is enough that you will no doubt fulfill that. "

With every word, a stone dropped into his gut.

>...but what of mine cousin?

Leaving him heavy, inside.

"Hm? Well, clearly he can't follow thee to this land."

>...no, no of course not, he would not like it in such a place, and I could not spend as much time with him as he needs.

"Not to worry, this also pays quite well. Even if thou does not see him so often, he shall no doubt be given enough wealth to chase whatever fancy he wishes. We shall ensure he does not hurt himself, as well. He will be taken care of, even if you are not there, personally."

>Right... even if I'm not there.

He would have to miss quite a lot, it was true. There would be no way to make school plays, or graduations, or... much of anything, really. Only visits whenever the Empress was away, and she did not wish to bring him with her.

"They will all get along, not to fear. Simply sign that paper, and begin thine new life exactly as thou wished it to always be. We are sorry we could not be the teacher you needed, and we hope this makes up for it in your new life. Sign the paper, and be free... our former student."


It was heavy in his hooves. Like lead, not paper. It felt as if it would break through at any moment, and sink right into the floor. It was... heavy.

So very heavy.

"Is something the matter?"

There was, and it was clear for all to see. The look on his face spoke of a trillion billion mixed feelings, all dancing within him and around him.

This is what he had wanted, exactly as he had asked it to be, for so many many years. His whole life had been building to this singular moment, when at last he was granted all he desired and all he had needed. There was nothing here he had not asked for, no tricks or things turned on it's head, merely...

It was. Exactly as he had wished it upon every falling star, it was.

"You seem troubled, my former student, what is the matter?"

>...I... I do not know...

"You don't? Is this not what you wanted?"

>It is... it's everything, but...

"But what?"

He didn't know what to say.

He didn't know how to say it.

He didn't even know if he should say it.

"Oh, perhaps we were a bit... hasty. After all, this is a big change in so little a time, perhaps you at least wish to say goodbye? Is that the issue?"

The thought was as tempting as it was heartbreaking.

"Or perhaps... this is not what it seemed?"

His heart seized at the words, every fiber in his being compelling him to spit fire and vigor at such a crude, untrue thought, to deny it with a force of a thousand exploding suns that he deserved anything less than what he was presented with right now.

"Perhaps... getting what you wished isn't quite what you thought it would be"

But not a word came from him, not a peep.

"Things are different, when you are sitting victorious sometimes, my student. But, no matter, this is clearly what you wanted, and tis merely the informality of not quitting in presence that unsettles you. We shall be off so thou can give that to her face to face... unless thou wishes we stopped?"

He did.


He did wish for her to stop, to leave him to this life. It was so tempting, so beautiful. It was a life he had seen in his mind every night he could dream of it. This was the life he had wanted, for all of time. He should stop her, he knew.

But he did not.

He did not stop her as she carried him away on the wings of dark magic, carried him for a time he knew not how long, and placed him before the doorway he knew so well.

The doorway to the toiling, long work he did every day, till his hooves cramped and his mouth was dry and he hated any brainless pony that lived in this damned town. He was placed before the door, his former teacher gone away, and it was only with shaking hooves that he pushed it open.

~There you are! Niney, we've been worried sick, where did you go!?~

There they were. There they were... the three he had come to know, and enjoy being with every second he could. The tricy Trixie, and all her magical wiles. The wondrous shaman who needed no magic to outenchant even the most powerful of mage, Zecora, and... Mayor Mare. The one who had given him his very first job, his very first... friend, even if he hadn't wanted it.

They had wanted him around, even when no other would. They sought out his presence, rather than wished it away. He was a hoof full...

They carried every pound.

~Hey, Niney? You okay? Where were you?~

Even if he wasn't worth the weight.


~Oh, Luna had you doing dream stuff? Phew! We were worried you wandered off or something! So, did you just wake up?~

The paper in his hooves shook, rattled like it was made of tin and crumpled ever so slightly. All he had to do was give this away, and he was free to have all he wanted, all he deserved.


~Speak already, she is asking if you just awoke. Hurry now, it is time you spoke.~

~Yeah, Twenty Nine, did you just wake up?~

>...I'm not sure yet...


~What does that mean?... Hey, what's with the paper?~

Give away this life, and obtain the one he wanted. Give away the time with them, and this place.


All he had to do was give it all away...

>...It's nothing.

It burned him, not simply in body, when the paper in his hooves was set alight. It burned him down to his very heart, his very soul.

Yet, strangely, the hurt...

~HOLY SHIT TWENTY NINE! Did you just set that on fire!?~

~Why would you set that paper alight!? You were holding it, are you not that bright!?~

~Oh crap oh crap come here, holy shit that must have hurt!~

It stopped.

The hurt stopped so quickly, when they rushed up to him, and every one of them held nothing but concern and worry. No anger, no irritation, merely... thinking of him.

~What were you thinking!?~

>...I was making sure this was real.

~Well, congratulations! Was it that really worth it!?~

>...It was. It was a wonderful dream, while I had it.

They looked to each other, still concerned, still worried.

...for him.

~Niney? You okay?~

>...It was a wonderful, wonderful dream while I had it... but reality is so much more.

They had no response to that, for how could they? How could they understand... they didn't need to.

Seeing him happy, was enough.

He was happy, it was enough.

It was enough for them... and for his teacher.

The teacher with eyes sparkling in delight so bright with wonder, and joy.

For she had just taught her very first, real lesson.

At last... she was a teacher.

"We cannot wait to tell our sister."
....I did it...

I finished my mini-arc, after putting it off for so long, and in this thread too.

I'm so... so happy.