PREVIOUSLY ON THE CRIMES AGAINST NATURE PROGRAM
>What is this thread about?
Half human and half pony/other Equestrian species offspring.
>What are the rules?
There are no thread specific rules, do what you want.
>What is the continuity (world/characters/attributes)?
Whatever you want it to be. Everything is a variable, there are no absolutes. Characters, names, genders, personalities, relationships, backgrounds, writing style, genre. If you want to know the common headcanons of certain characters, read some stories or ask the thread.
Story by Parent:
Satyrs by Parent:
Need some proofing done? Or want to throw ideas around?
Add one of the Skypes below!
Bad enough that they'd need to sleep wit a hot water bottle on their hips at night to ease the pain. Thankfully the problems generally correct themselves once the satyr is done growing. It's just one of those unfortunate side effects of being a hybrid.
>Many satyrs suffer from hip and lower back pain during adolescence due to different growth rates between their human and non-human parts. Or something more medically plausible.
>Roughly one in every four hundred satyrs is born infertile.
>Some satyrs have an increased risk of epilepsy and seizures when compared to pure human or pony/dragon/whatever offspring.
>Satyrs are either immune or else heavily resistant to most common human and (other parent's species') illnesses.
>There has never been a recorded case of a satyr developing cancerous cells.
>Satyrs learn to walk much earlier than human babies.
No way in Hell they wouldn't have some strange quirks of genetics.
It's not all sunshine and rainbows raising a half-breed.
It is worth it in the end though.
Bat pony satyrs have to deal with the discomfort of having their adult fangs come in.
>be satyr boy in puberty, walking in Ponyville square in the middle of the day
>suddenly out of nowhere, boner!
>nowhere to hide it, because no clothes and even if you had been wearing pants you probably would have had to unzip them and let it out to prevent them from ripping
>suddenly you feel something warm and soft brushing against your side
>you turn around and look down to see a pony mare smiling and looking at you with half-lidded eyes
"Need some help with that?"
>she turns around and presents herself, looking back at you and winking - in more ways than one
>today was a pony culture education kind of day
They would have to be very large baggy pants then, and the bulge would be very noticeable.
In a world filled with horses who go around naked most of the time and let their junk flop around, it would probably look more amusing to them than just letting it hang out.
That's why I added magic. If it's like that one anon said last thread, I'm pretty sure they can hide an erection like they can hide udders.
I guess powerful unicorns could perform transformation magic on them to temporarily alter their boy, or some sort of illusion to cover it up. (though an illusion wouldn't actually remove the organ, just cloak it from sight, and wearing actual physical pants would still be impossible - they'd have to be part of the illusion)
I'm thinking the artist who drew that just prefers her without the udders. Udders and boobs at the same time seems pretty silly. Pony satyrs don't have crotchboobs in addition to regular boobs, so it doesn't really make sense for a cow satyr to have udders in addition to human boobs either.
I heard there was discussion of Buoy Belle? http://pastebin.com/FumDWKBJ
I like Petunia without the udders as well.
>Do sphinxes/changeling satyrs lay eggs or give birth?
>Do drakes have one penis or a hemipenis? Do they have testicles?
>Does Oliver/Missy have a cloaca?
As awesome as DJ is, I'm not sure I share his headcanon on satyr cocks. That looks kinda weird.
I'm gonna have to go with horsecocks. Maybe a bit smaller than a stallion's but still.
"Nothing to be ashamed of! Shows a colt's growin' into a stallion! It's nature's way of tossin' a sign in the window saying 'open for business!' Why, in my day folks'd be raisin' eyebrows if he weren't hitched and had a foal of his own by the end of next year!"
Granny Smith is so wise...that's why she buys Sweet Apple Acre brand products! Yessiree, with a large selection of the best apple based baked goods and beverages, you're sure to get the best of the bunch when you buy from family owned Sweet Apple Acres! Visit our stand in the Ponyville marketplace or join us on the farm! We're happy to greet you with our Apple certified manager that'll make your experience with us all the more better! So make sure to buy your goods Sweet Apple Acres! Our little piece of homegrown heaven!
Darcy, it's three o'clock, isn't it time you went and paid Mr. Anon a "special" visit under his desk? He's so generous offering to buy your orchard after your family went bankrupt after all.
I've no idea what you're talking about Anon, the harvest hasn't been this good in years. And with the demand growing with our local brewery,why we might just be looking for some new work hands pretty soon.
Damn it, just suck Anon's dick!
But seriously though, I now sort of want a story where a rich as balls Anon with a crush on Darcy bails out her family after they get into financial trouble, just because he can't stand to see her unhappy. He just can't work up the courage to actually tell her though.
It must have a happy and sweet ending in which Darcy kisses him on the cheek and tells him that she's always known.
Most embarrassing thing your satyr had happen from last thread.
>Pogo and Alex sit by one another as the two watch some television.
>During one particular scene, the main character makes a joke as Alex bursts out into unexpected laughter.
>Pogo laughs too as Alex grips her side in joyous pain before accidentally letting one slip.
>Her gaseous slip sputters loud and fast as she stops laughing while her face flushed beet red.
>Pogo continues to laugh oblivious to it or maybe he didn't care, in either case she wasn't gonna ask as scratches her head nervously before awkwardly watching TV again. A small twinge of blush still across her face as neither being it up.
>Today was its the little things kind of day
Why would she go to Anon where there's a perfectly legitimate upstart that Muddle's running? Sure, it needs to get up off the ground, but she needs money, right? Why not take the bits and gems now and pay him back later whenever you feel like it. Until then, though, he should get 2% of the local profits. It's only fair, you know?
The young satyr named Utah is watching the clock in class, impatiently waiting for class to be over. His teacher, Mrs. Cheerilee, is telling the class how the class did on the tests and passing them out. He ended up getting an A, but that was because his mom constantly telling him to study for it. It’s not that he hated the school or anyone there, he only found it boring. The young satyr gets out of his desk and leaves the classroom.
He leaves the schoolhouse and starts to head home. His Ma promised that he would teach him how to use a lasso properly. As he wonder how Ma is going to teach him because she doesn’t have hands, not paying attention to what was in front of him. This causes him to accidently bumps into someone and it makes both of them fall. Remembering what Pa taught him, he gets up and help her up.
Who he bumped into was a girl with yellow legs and pink hair that looks like she just got out of bed. The headphones she was wearing are still playing and sound like they were any louder, she would be deaf. When he helps her up, he notices that she looks upset.
“Hey, watch where you’re going.” she tells him angrily.
Utah was not sure how to respond to this and says the first thing that he thinks of.
“Excuse me? Ah was trying to help.”
“You should’ve paid attention first. I really got into this song too.”
“Oh, ya getting mad at me fer not paying attention while you weren’t either?”
The two continue to stare daggers at each other. Utah refuses to give up and saying he was wrong. She also has that same look of stubbornness. An alarm goes off on her watch, making her look at it and she tells him,
“Forget this, I have to get home and feed my pet rock.”
“Sure, that’s where ya going.”
As the two leave and go separate paths, they both thought to themselves that they hope to never having to meet each other again.
The girl named Thorn heads back and a little flustered. She just wants to forget that orange legged blockhead. Thorn couldn’t believe that whoever that guy was would blame her. It was his fault for not paying attention. Grabbing the headphones she put around neck, she puts them back on. She starts to put her music back on and continues to listen to the songs from her dad’s home world. He never liked it, but she loved it ever since he showed it to her. He called it punk. Thorn figures her mom and dad will never “get it.”
As she heads home with her music on blast, she remembers to take her headphones off. She remembers her mom telling her to keep them off so she can hear her. She opens the door and enters the house. Thorn tries to sneak to her room so she can try to avoid talking to her mom. Her mother is usually in the kitchen, so it’s unlikely that she’ll notice her. Tiptoeing as quietly as she can, she walks six steps until she hears her mother say,
“Thorn, are you home,” in her singsong voice.
“Perfect timing. You can feed Gizmo now.”
Fluttershy points to where his food is, a sealed bag that is close to the size of a trash bag. Out of all the chores she had to do, Thorn loathed this one the most. She looks for the vaporub and puts it under her nose. It consists of scraps from either her family or the other animals that her parents take care of. The food is the worst because of the smell. Thorn can compare the smell to either when her father brought home a bag full of durians or a rotting fish. She holds her breath and grabs the bag.
Utah heads back to his home, hoping spending time with his Ma will get him to forget about what happened earlier. Now thinking back to it, she does look like someone he knows, but he can’t quite point who. This is definitely one of the times he’s glad Cider is working at the apple stand with Pa and Darcy. She would probably try to get him to say what’s on his mind. He heads to the barn and he sees his Ma there. She sees him and smiles.
“Sugarcube, how was that test of yers?”
He pulls the paper out of his backpack. Giving the paper a quick and takes a deep breath. His mother starts to look worried.
“I got a forty five.”
“A forty five!?”
A small smirk starts to curve around his mouth.
“Out of fifty.”
He starts to chuckle knowing he got his mom. His mother smiles and let what was about to be her giving Utah a stern talking to go. She does look at the score again to make sure he was telling the truth. Applejack could tell when he was lying or not, but she has been fooled only twice by him. She pats him on the head after seeing that he did get an A.
“Ah knew ya could do it sugarcube. Ya ready for yer lasso lesson?”
“Sure am Ma,” the boy tells his mother while putting the test sheet back into his backpack.
He puts his backpack down. He will just have to remember to bring it back into the house after the lesson. Applejack hands her son a rope that she hasn’t tied up yet, wanting to see if he can remember how to make one first. It takes him a few tries, but Utah is finally able to make a lasso with all the knots done correctly.
“Good job, sugarcube. Now ya gotta learn how to throw it. C’mon, Ah’ll show you how.”
The pony mother and her satyr son head to a part of the orchard that has a two posts, both with a different purpose. The one on their left is for throwing horseshoes and the one on the right is meant for practicing with a lasso. Applejack looks to her son.
“Alright sugarcube. Show me how ya throw it.”
Utah gets his lasso ready and grab it by the middle of the rope. He swings it a few times over his head and throws it. The boy was excited when he hit a pole. He then sighed after realizing he lassoed the other pole. Applejack takes out her rope and grabs it with her teeth. She starts to talk with the rope in her teeth.
“When Ah saw ya throwing it, you were throwing it like a baseball.”
The Apple wife starts to swing the rope over her head.
“Ya see, ya gotta wait for the right swing. It’s all about momentum. When it starts to feel like the loop is pulling the rope out of yer hand, that’s when ya throw.”
Applejack throws her lasso, getting it over the correct post and pulling the rope around it tightly.
“Just like that, now you try it.”
The satyr tries again. He does what his mother showed him, now knowing about the momentum. His second try is a success. Utah smiles with glee that he finally got it.
“Good job Sugarcube. That’s all ya need to know. Ah need to go, ah gotta start dinner.”
She gives a hug to her son. While she starts to leave, she yells to him.
“Don’t forget to study!”
“Don’t worry Ma, I will!”
A few weeks pass and neither satyr had seen nor hear each other, something they are both glad to say. That was at least until today. Thorn was relaxing by blasting music through her headphones. She notices the door is opening and she takes off her headphones, knowing that whoever it is, they have to tell her something. The door opens and she sees it’s her older sister Ivy.
“Can you hear me?”
Thorn nods her head, letting her sister know that she has yet to go deaf.
“Okay, Mom told me to tell you that tomorrow is the Nightmare Night party at the park. I heard that someone is going to bring meat.”
“Alright, thanks,” Thorn says to her sister as she shuts the door back.
Normally, Thorn wouldn’t care about a party too much. It’s not because she dislikes them, more so of that she doesn’t really care talking to anyone there. The difference this time is that this is the best one she could ask for. She loves her family to death, but she does wish they weren’t all vegans. The only time she gets any meat is when the princesses invite satyrs from Ponyville to Canterlot every year. To say the least, she is excited for this party.
The two orange legged satyrs are helping their father with making the meat that consists of chicken, turkeys, and pork his wife promised Pinkie they would make for tomorrow. To say it’s stressful for him to get all of this prepared is putting it lightly.
“Cider, how are the ribs?” her father asked.
The orange legged girl grabs a pair of tongs and open the smoker. She picks one out of the many slab of ribs and bounces it a bit to see if how prepared they are. She doesn’t see any breakage when she flaps it a bit and notices that she can see the bone, telling her that they’re just right and ready to take out. She starts to yell for her dad.
“The ribs are done. Ya want me to take them out.”
“I can take care of them. Help your brother with the steaks.”
The father of the two looks toward his son and notices his son is about to make a horrible mistake.
“Boy, what are you doing?”
His son was about to cut into one of his aunt’s avocadoes. The knife was maybe millimeters away from opening the green, pear-like shape fruit.
“I was waiting for the steaks to be done and start on the guacamole.”
“Don’t be doing that. Do you remember how mad your aunt got when I did it too early?”
“I do, but why do we have to do it so late?”
“Because these things go brown about as fast as you open them. We’ll take care of it before the party.”
The father examines the steaks to see if they’re ready. He cut a few open to see how cooked they are. He knows most of the satyrs prefer well done for some reason. When he sees that they’re cooked all the way, he puts all the steaks into a container, knowing they’ll be safe tomorrow. With the first batch done, he realizes it’s going to be a long afternoon.
It is an hour before the Nightmare Night and Halloween party and many of the satyrs are getting prepared and dressing up in their costumes. In the Flutter home, almost all of them are ready. Thorn is in her room deciding which lipstick would match her costume the best. She wants it to be as accurate as possible, even getting some fake contacts to match the eyes. She wore the black shirt, both the jacket and pants are orange. The only difference is that instead of a heart, the knee pads, belt, and headbands are butterflies. The music in her room is as loud as it can get before either of her parents would usually ask her to turn it down or off. Her sister knocks on the door several times.
“Thorn are you almost done?”
She opens the door and sees her sister's costume.
“Who are you supposed to be?”
“I’m a vampire of course. Can’t you tell by the teeth?” She reveals her teeth to show her sister the fake fangs she got from Aunt Pinkie.
“I don’t think vampires look like that.”
“What do you mean? What else are they supposed to look like?”
“Garret’s costume from last year. Who told you they looked like that?”
“Emma, her dad said they looked like that in the old world.”
"Oh yeah, what are supposed to be?"
Thorn points out her sister's dress. She has no idea who her sister is dressed up as. It looks like a purple spandex suit or something with a deep v.
“Timber and I are going as the wonder twins. Remember we asked you if you wanted to go as Gleek?”
Thorn remembers clearly after she told her, glad that she decided to go as a vampire instead.
>Getting upset over one mention of Muddle
No, I posted it because it had relevance. The post talked about Darcy needing money to let her business stay afloat. That lined up with stuff from last thread.
She was from the bat threads with Arrhythmia (a.k.a. Big Butts) for a while.
Of course, she'd probably work in a Ponyville Cafe and have Murmur visit during her breaks. Maybe Desirae might work there too, since right now she's taking service jobs despite her qualifications.
Do you think Glimmer and Eventide hang out and chat about stuff?
The most professional one alongside Mayor Mare
Also I figure they'd try to find something else other than magic to bond over.
>There is still some asshole posting in the 2nd thread
Why? Just let it die already, its like people are TRYING to get this thread bombarded with trolls and angry anons telling us to keep it in one thread
I always figured those two were the older ones and wouldn't rely leave so quickly. Misery's busy running the hive alongside her mother, so she'd be willing to get away from it as long as possible while on break. Catrine is just really bored and has nothing better to do.
So which satyrs would give the best buttjobs?