>Day dark and stormy night in Equestria. >Be Anon. >And you are performing a task no man should ever be asked to do again. >On this night, this horrible, stormy night, Twilight has tasked you with the most heinous, the most horrifying of jobs. >A sin far greater than that of which even Lucifer had accomplished >You haven't even completed this task, yet you still feel regret. >However, there is still a way out. >If you can just- >"Anon? What's going on down there?" >Shit. >She's on to you. "Uh, nothing?" >Damage control intensifies.gif >"Well, can you get the magic adapter plugged in, instead of doing a monologue like this is some thriller novel?" >You plug in the magic crystal power source into your laptop via an adapter Twilight had built. "Got it." >Okay in all seriousness, you are plugging your computer into a new power source Twilight had invented. >Long story short, your laptop, as battery efficient as it was, was finally running out of battery.
>>25376296 >You had warned her ahead of time that you had some weird shit and porn on there, so hopefully she wouldn't go snooping. >The fact that it was running out of battery came to your attention as you were playing a game earlier today. >What game? >Undertale. >Why that game? >Long story short, Discord happened and you were able to connect to the internet for once last week. >You're just as shocked as she was that you were able to connect to Earth long enough to download it, though this was despite her telling you otherwise. >You were fairly certain telling everyone you're in Equestria on 4chan or wherever was going to get a ton of nonbelieving shitposters. >At least, not without significant proof that couldn't be obtained via camera. >At that point, better to be productive than shitpost. >Anyway, focus. >Laptop's plugged in. >It's gonna charge overnight. >So you decide to save your game at probably the weirdest place you've saved at, and shut it down. >Having a computer magically charge overnight fills you with determination. >... >God damn it the memes are getting to you. >Anyway, you go back upstairs, completely unaware of the surge of magical electricity temmienating from the power source...
>>25376359 >Twilight glanced over at you, and narrowed her eyes. "It is done." >"Alright. I'd say let it charge overnight, and unplug it when you get back tomorrow." >You nodded. "Very well." >Your dirty, ash-covered body shook as the sins of plugging in your unholy computer into a pure substance crawled all over your body. >"I have a question." "Yeah?" >"Did you seriously just cover yourself in dust to try and freak me out?" >Grrr.. "Nothing gets past you, huh Starbutt?" >She scowled. "Alright, alright, yeah, I did." >She rolled her eyes. >Tough crowd. "Are you sure this won't backfire in any way?" >"99% positive," she affirms. >That's not good enough. "Any...side-effects?" >"Well, there's the off-chance that something from your computer might come to life depending on if the crystal is unstable, but it's only happened once before in Equestrian recorded history." >You hear a large noise from your basement, where all the equipment was set up. >A large, whirring noise and a few bumps from the basement floor. >Probably just the roar from the computer's charging chore. >It's just that, you guess, and nothing more. >"Anon, can you stop with the rhyming?" >God damn it Twilight can you stop with reading my greentext? >"...greentext?" "Nevermind. Anyway, let's head back to your place. I could go for some shut-eye." >You'll be damned if you have to sleep with all that noise.
>>25376450 >Day dark and stormy night + about 3 hours in Equestria. >Actually midnight. >Despite everything, you're still Anon. >And GOD DAMN IT Undertale is getting to you. >Anyway, you're woken up in the middle of the night by Spike burping out a letter. >Since Twilight was woken up by it too, she instinctively goes to check it. "Murning, Twuhlught," you mumble sarcastically. >She ignores your mumbling and starts to read the letter, no doubt from Celestia. --------------------- Dear Princess Twilight,
I do not know if you have felt it, but I have. There's been a surge in the balance. ---------------------
>You give a shit-eating grin. "So there's been a disturbance in the Force?" >"Shhh!"
--------------------- It cannot be mistaken. IT has returned. I thought I had sealed it away 500 year ago, but nevertheless IT found a way. I am currently strengthening Canterlot's security as a result. I will be sending you a number of survival guides to better handle IT. Even now, I cannot be sure if they will be enough. Be careful, my friend. -Princess Celestia. ---------------------
>Ohhhhh boy. "Okay, so we've got some...thing that Celestia's afraid of. What about it has got her worked up?" >"Honestly? I have no idea. There's nothing to do but wait for the survival guides to see what we're up against-" >On cue, Spike burped a second time. >Twilight caught the papers in her magic and started to read it. >What she saw caused her to gasp. "What?" >"Oh no...oh no oh no it can't be!"
>>25376552 >Twilight Sparkle cast a spell that created a huge alarm noise, probably waking up all of Ponyville. >Somehow you preferred the whirring at your house to this bullshit. >Then she started casing her shelves in wooden boards and duct-taping her windows. "GOD DAMN IT TWILIGHT WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!" >"No time to explain! We need to get everyone under lockdown!" >You scowl. "SERIOUSLY! WHAT THE HELL ARE WE UP AGAINST?!" >"IT," she shouted. "And it will get worse before it gets better; the best we can do is prepare." >"WHAT IS -IT-?! I'D BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO FUCKING HELP IF I KNEW-" >"READ THE PAPERS, ANON!" >You sigh, and start to read the report.
------------------- Survival Guide for That Whose Name Shall Be Mentioned Once (henceforth referred to as TWNSBMO)
TWNSBMO is an oddity the likes of which not even Discord could come up with. It has only appeared once, but has multiplied to become Equestria's biggest plague in history. It appears and acts like a simpleton, but it is never, EVER, to be underestimated in sheer numbers. This being has, in 492 ALB, caused the near-complete enslavement of the entire Equine race, and took the full power of Princess Celestia to seal it away. However, at the time of writing I cannot be certain TWNSBMO will stay away. We must prepare for the return of TWNSBMO, known to itself and others of its kind as- -------------------
>You have to re-read that passage again for it to sink in. >Oh. >Well, shit. >The 1% rule never fails. >You re-read the passage to figure out -what- had come to Equestria. >... >For fucks sake.
>>25376623 "Twilight," you state in your most deadpan voice ever. >She wheeled around. >"Yeah?!" "Really?" >"What?" >Your scowl never wavers. "Really." >"What is it?" "Really." >"Anon!" "Really." >"Anon, what in Equestria IS it?" >You sighed. "We're going up against Temmie." >She gasped. >"ANON, NO!" "Seriously, I have no idea-" >"h0I!" >A quick silence passes before the two of you turn to face this new voice. >Sure fucking enough, Temmie had found its way to Equestria.
>>25376660 >Twilight screamed. "Okay, Twilight, calm down. It's just-" >"h0I! mi nam iz temmie!!" >Alright. >What do? >Uhhh. "Hello, Temmie. I'm Anon, and this-" >You gestured to Twilight, who flinched. "-is Starbutt." >You blink. "I mean, Tw-" >"tem happi 2 meet u, stRbut!" >You have no choice but to laugh at that. >Temmie offered its paw to Twilight, probably as a handshake. >Twilight recoiled. >"no??" >Okay this is getting annoying really fast. "Alright, Twilight, really, what is so bad about-?" >"Anon, are you crazy?!" >You sigh. "Guilty as charged, but I think you're over-reacting a bit." >"I am NOT overreacting. This...this THING is what caused the drought of 492 ALB!" >You glanced back over at Temmie, who was now touching Celestia's letter. "Truly the face of evil," you snark. >"Anon, this is serious! What on Equestria- no, what on EARTH makes you think this is harmless!" "Well the fact I've actually seen Temmie-" >"ANON!" she hissed. >You ignore her. "The fact I've seen her before is probably why." >"What do you mean by that?!" "See, your power source may have accidentally spawned Temmie-" >"ANON, SHUT UP!" "-may have accidentally spawned her to Equestria. However, if I'm not mistaken..." >You locate Temmie, who was busy gnawing on the letter now, and pick her up. >After a few seconds, you smirk. "She's harmless."
>>25376837 >Twilight breathed a sigh of relief. >"Anon, you're so brave..." >You scowl. "I wouldn't say this is really -brave-, but..." >You look down at temmie. >"wher temmie g0, an00n? >"We need to take her to Princess Celestia, STAT." >Oh boy. "Can do. Hopefully she'll be able to explain some things." >You sigh. "And hopefully provide a fucking drink for all of this." >"Tem g0 wherr n0 temmie go before!" >With no other words to be said, you, Twilight, and Temmie teleport to Canterlot Castle.
>>25376879 >Thankfully, the three of you landed in the throne room. >A throne room that was apparently arranged like a warzone. >Fucking ludicrous. >"Celestia?" Twilight called. >Instantly, Celestia's head popped up from a makeshift trench. >"Who's there?!" she beckoned in an uncharacteristic fearful tone. "Show yourself!" >You wait a moment for Celestia to notice the two of you standing here. >Then she realizes. >"O-Oh, thank goodness. It's just you and Anon and-" >Then she notices Temmie. >"h0I!" >Celestia screamed. >Fuck sake, this leadership. "Celestia, don't panic!" you assure her. "I've got her in my arms, she's not going anywhere anytime soon." >She pauses for a few moments, as if anticipating a sneak attack. >After she realizes you aren't that dickish, she sighed. >"Anon, I don't know if you're stupid or brave, but...thank you." >You roll your eyes. >"h0I! im temmie!!" Temmie stated, causing Twilight and Celestia to cringe. "and dis iz..mi frends..an0n end stabut!!" >'stabut'. >kek >Not getting old anytime soon. "Okay, long story short, I asked Twilight if she could help charge my computer, she managed to spot me a power crystal, some Writeslut bullshit happened that accidentally summoned Temmie-" >"ANON!" shouted the two princess horses. >Ignoring them, you continue. "-and I had to explain to Twilight she was harmless. I think we can seal her back up no problemo, but before I cooperate I need to know WHAT THE FUCK YOU TWO ARE OVERREACTING FOR?!" >Celestia sighed. >"Let me explain."
>>25377048 >"The TWNSBMO, as the survival guide calls it, is a dangerous and odd creature from somewhere not even Discord knows. It appears harmless, and at first it was. But then, reports of deaths in locations where the TWNSBMO was seen in began popping up." >"tem liek stori." >Celestia cringed. >"Soon enough, the deaths became so widespread that I had to send a squadron of the Royal Guard to investigate and contain TWNSBMO. However, at that point the TWNSBMO had multiplied." >She put a huge emphasis on 'multiplied'. >"There were no survivors," Celestia finished. >"tem...like...multiply. tem multipli reel g0d in colleg!" >This is getting real grating. >"The TWNSBMO eventually became so much a nuisance that we had to tell everypony to stay indoors until we could figure out what to do with them. They unfortunately took that to mean they owned the world, so they started forcing themselves into homes and forced ponies to do their bidding. I was left with no other choice. It is a massacre I regret to this day." >You scowl. >"And the TWNSBMO that survived, even after all that, were banished, never to be seen again until you summoned it." "Okay, so it doesn't seem like Temmie-" >"ANON!" >"An0000n!" Temmie chuckled. "OKAY FOR FUCKS SAKE, WE'VE GOT HER RIGHT HERE, WHAT IS YOUR DEAL?!" >"It appears when you speak its name," Twilight explained. "I figured as much, but it shouldn't be a problem! ANYWAY, TEMMIE doesn't seem to be angry at you for that." >Celestia nodded. >"TWNSBMO has always been a strange creature. If they weren't so bent on killing ponies I would think they wanted to be friends."
>>25377246 "Alright, see, that's what I don't get. I've seen Temmie before, yes I'm gonna continue to say her name, but she really isn't that harmful. I've played a video game with her in it, and in it she's just as weird and cutesy as she is now, and-" >Temmie gasped. >"An0n think tem is cute?!" >oh boy "Uhhhh..." >"TEM ACCEPT!!!" >WAT. >"Tem wil tell other temmie dat u an Temmie are marred an will get wed tonite!! S0 excitd!!" >She was so excited that her body bounced all across the room, leaving her head to stick around. >Well, this'll be a problem. "...anyway. When I faced her in this video game, she wasn't even that harmful. What's the big deal?" >"Anonymous," Twilight said gravely, "if a TWNSBMO so much as comes into contact with a pony, the pony is struck with a disease of an unknown origin, and will die a slow and painful death." >Oh boy. "Explain." >"The survival guide explains this in more detail, but the first symptoms of imminent death by..." >She shuddered. >"Death by Temmie...is that the victim breaks out in-" >"h0Ives!" Temmie announced suddenly, as she appeared to break out in hives. >Oh you've got to be fucking kidding- "Wait, you're shitting me." >"What?" "So all those deaths, all this nonsense is because apparently ponies are allergic to Temmie. You're shitting me." >Celestia and Twilight remained silent. "Celestia?" >"W-Well I thought for certain it was a disease spread by it, but-" >You facepalmed. "Sometimes I wonder..." >"Wonder what?" Twilight asked. "Nevermind. Let's just get her back to Undertale where she belongs."
>>25377335 >Without another word to be spoken, Celestia casts the spell to banish Temmie back to the setting of Undertale. >Probably where Celestia banished her originally. >Everyone breathes a sigh of relief. >"It is done." >You shake your head. "You -really- don't need to try and be suspenseful like that." >"You're one to talk," joked Twilight. "S-Shut up." >Everyone laughed. >All was well. >... >Well until you go back and play Undertale, that is. >You shudder to think what would happen if you played it now that you've actually met Temmie. >Fuckin' 4th wall aware vidyagame. >After a few minutes, you sigh. "Well, now I've gotta go back and unplug my laptop. It's probably fully charged by now. >Celestia froze. >"W-What?" "I mean, it's still plugged in to that power source-" >"You didn't unplug it before you left?" she whispered. >uh oh "Uh, no? Why?" >Then it hits you. "Oh." >Temmie has a way back. "Oh shit." >Suddenly, a royal guard pony burst into the front door. >"Your majesty! We have an emergency! The TWNSBMO found its way to Canterlot, and ashfuhasdfas-" >It fell to the ground as a bunch of Temmies pounced onto it, licking its face. >Pic related, it's your reaction.
>>25377408 >Well, shit. >Somehow, in the 10 minutes you had to laugh this all off, Temmie had brought all the other Temmies from her village and invaded Canterlot Castle. >Despite the fact that Canterlot was supposed to be under lockdown. >Despite the fact that Canterlot was a 10 minute TRAIN RIDE from Ponyville. >Despite the fact Temmie is harmless. >FUCKING EQUESTRIA. >"h0I An00n!" >Temmie, or at least had found its way on you. >"Temmie, dis iz Anon. Temmie marrid 2 Anon, wil have wedin tmorow. Anon, diz is mi frens...Temmie. Say h0I!" >"im temmie" >"IM nam iz temmie!" >"im temmie!!! hapi 2 be maried" >"im bob" >Oh great. >So now you're married to ALL of them. >Shoulda fuckin' guessed. >"ANON!" called Celestia, causing you to jump. "What are you standing there for?!" "Uhhh..." >"You have to stop them, before it's too late!" >You glanced back at the Temmies. >"Tem...happy...2 be hear" >So you're left with two options. >Option one: be the husband of every Temmie, become prince of Temmie Village and stage a coup of the Equestrain throne, ultimately getting annoyed by all these fucking Temmies after day one. >Option two: do the sensible task of sealing Temmie back and staying in Equestria with all these fucking ponies. >It's the easiest decision you've ever made.
>>25377540 >https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-i7Hj1fAYN4 >Day Temmie in Temmiestria. >Be Prince Anon. >"r1ng r1ng An0n!" shouted Temmie, who decided to be your alarm clock today. >You get up and stretch. "Mornin', Temmie." >"h0I!" >You walk into the shower and do your daily routine. >Shit, shower, and shave is still on the table despite the coup. >Once you're all freshened up, you walk to the kitchen and fix yourself a bowl of Tem Flakes. >Being the prince of Temmiestria gave you special perks, such as free Tem Flakes and...free tem flakes. >Also free Tem Armor, I guess? >Anyway, it goes surprisingly well with tem milk. >You've learned to not ask about it. >"so...temmie find peeple...on other plant...and temmie an temmie contact dem!" "Noice! Did they respond?" >"nooooooooope, but temmie keep hopin!" >You chuckle. "You keep doing that. How are Temmie and Temmie doing?" >"temmie+temmie doo fine, dey keep wokin on new statoo." "Cool." >You hear a loud tapping. >Upon hearing this, you glance over at the glass cage Twilight and Celestia were trapped in. >Well, not really 'trapped'. >They put themselves in that cage to "protect themselves". >They can let themselves out. >As it was, though, they scowled at you. >You gave them a shit-eating smirk in return, and resumed eating your tem flakes. >After that, you walked out the door, fully aware of the two ponies scowling at you the whole way. >"h0I!" Temmie squealed. "Ayyy." >You do not regret your decision. >This fills you with Detemmienation.
>>25377540 >Day dark and stormy night plus one in Equestria. >Be Anon. >It's still early in the morning, but you're too tired to care. >What matters is that you finally got the Temmies back into Undertale. >It took a lot of work, a few makeshift hazmat suits, everypony being told that Temmie was fucking harmless, and determination. >But it was done. >Temmie is back in Undertale. >And as you unplugged your computer from the power crystal, it's going to stay that way. >You glanced over at Twilight and Celestia. "Did anyone else the guard ponies get touched by the Temmies?" >They nodded. >You handed them the power crystal. "Get a list of everyone who got touched by them, have them take allergy medication, and do me a huge favor." >You scowled. "Never speak of this again." >And as they leave, you slam the door and go to fucking sleep. >Thankfully, you get to sleep in today due to all the chaos that- >BWAP BWAP BWAP! >Your eyes snap open as you realize you forgot to turn off your alarm clock. >BWAP BWAP BWAP ANON WAKE THE FUCK UP "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" >You throw your alarm clock across the room, probably shattering it. >Then you go back to fucking sleep. >zzzzzzzzzzzzz
All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties. Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.
This is a 4chan archive - all of the content originated from them. If you need IP information for a Poster - you need to contact them. This website shows only archived content.
If a post contains personal/copyrighted/illegal content you can contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org with that post and thread number and it will be removed as soon as possible.