Post what your situation is, get album recs.
"lol my son likes death grips, what a entry level autist, amaright dad?"
>exquisite fucking boredom
>got shit to do for uni but i couldnt be assed
>nihilism and suicide keep droning on in the back of my head
>exhausted by own powerlessness
>tarnished by procrastination
>all the wasted years of my life became an unbearable phantom pain that won't go away
>flushing my dying youth down the shitter
> graduated high school last year
> been working ever since
> now working in an industrial snowmaking department with air compressor and pumps and walkie talkies
> getting the hang of it but mortally afraid of doing something wrong that results in injury or death of others
> want to go to community college soon
> taking a license exam next week
> if i don't pass it will affect whether or not I have a job
> and if I don't pass then my boss wont be able to take time off to see his dad before he dies
Listening to Elliott smith.
I'm just so fucking hungover I might yosh. Fighting it bros, but I think it might happen.
>out of anti-psychotics since last week
>suffering from terrible withdrawal effects
>needs to write a huge report for college
Listening to Pond but not actually enjoying it.
>tfw pulling mediocre grades in college and chose a major thats grad school dependent
>tfw most of my high school peers will be graduating next semester and I'm likely going to have to stay 2 more years to boost my GPA enough
>tfw high chance my mom won't like what I'm doing and will stop cosigning my loans
>Studying for an exam I have tomorrow, but have been procrastinating for at least the last half hour
>GF isn't talking to me and I'm not sure if it's because I pissed her off or because she wants me to focus
>Can't decide what music to put on that's relaxing enough to study to but upbeat enough to get me into a rhythm
Any suggestions? Something that sounds vaguely paranoid might be good considering my (probably overblown) worry about my gf.
I need to stop going on the internet. Im on the computer all day but dont know what else to do. I mean I do things around the computer like watch a film or play the guitar but im still sitting by the computer. Im sick of emails and social networks but im not particularly social so it feels like one of my primary forms of contact
Your health > School. What if you lose it in class? How much will you learn?
>26 years old
>Lonely as fuck, haven't really ever had a gf
>Quit drinking for two years, bought a handle of Vodka yesterday and finished the pint I had leftover from 2 years ago the day before that.
>drinking again, not giving a shit about life anymore
>I still need to find a job and quit suboxone
>why am I still alive.jpg
>suffer from major depression
>i have psychotic attacks often
>vivid auditory/visual hallucinations
>symptoms of schizophrenia slowly becoming more prominent
>life slowly becoming more and more pointless
>therapist and drugs can't help
>i have extreme paranoia so i cant get any recreational drugs to take the edge off
listening to Underworld - Everything, Everything (live)
>tfw your ex-gf who essentially dumped you and left you in the cold about a year ago who you ended up cutting out of your life because you didn't want to be her emotional confidant on the sidelines tries adding you on Facebook even though you specifically blocked her old account and she looks worse for wear and I'm mad as hell now because of the sheer cheek of trying to contact me after all that and I don't want cunts like her trying to jump on the bandwagon now they realised they fucked up and messed up their careers and personal lives
no problem. stay safe and hang in there
Props to you for two years man. The longest I have managed is three months and now my drinking sessions are heavier then ever before. I don't know what to do. I know how shitty you feel.
>In high school (not underage b& though)
>just want it to be over
>i enjoy my friends and whatnot, but i'm sick of the system
>learning how to pass a test and nothing more
>i just want to move past it, though i'll probably just grow into mediocrity for the rest of my life
>tfw it's finally raining
>tfw finished college apps
>tfw listening to mount eerie and wearing a pancho
>tfw last night totally ditched my friends because they were too much for me but its whatever
>tfw it will never work out with her but that's okay
Well, I haven't gone hard on it yet. I've been limiting myself to 3-5 drinks every other day to try and maintain some level of non-physical addiction. I don't want to require it to function anymore. I am playing with fire though. Keep fighting the good fight man, I'll drink for ya later ;)
>moved out of my parents house a year into college
>work is taking up all my time now
>barely going to school anymore
>smoke weed all day
>not doing anything valuable with my life
>feels like my days are just wasted
I'm still living with my parents, unemployed, smoking weed everyday and beginning to drink on a regular basis. At least you have a job man, it may feel pointless, but you're on the right path. As far as me, I may as well shoot myself.
Maybe try talking to them? Move on? Are you a guy or a girl, if it's the latter, you'll likely not have that hard of a time finding another, as long as you aren't a landwhale or hideously disfigured.
I'm a girl and definitely wouldn't have a hard time finding another. I've tried talking to them many times. It's not that I want him back more as I realllly want to apologize and being ignored brings about crippling depression because i have BPD.
If you fucked him over, just deal with the bad karma and move on. I have major depression and possibly BPD myself, but I don't really pity someone who throws a relationship down the drain. I've been alone for 25 years, and the only woman who would sleep with me was a huge whore. If you can find another, do it, move on. You don't have my problems, you never will. Take your bullshit elsewhere, honestly. Life goes on.
>meet qt a week ago
>get drunk and have a great time, nearly fuck her
>end up freaking her out, she stops texting me
>get her to respond, fall out a bit
>does say she still wants to see me again, just not sure atm what she wants, says we'll talk again
>this was tuesday
>want to text her today, but should wait until tomorrow, because she was supposed to mail me some stuff I left at her house, so either way I'd have a good reason to text her before being like "hey what's up"
>kinda nervous, cause I have a hard time finding girls I'm really compatible with and I think she's one of them
>sitting on my hands
Just do it. Write a shitty first draft and then just revise each day
Just do it, what's the worst thing that's going to happen.
Perhaps don't smoke weed
nothing in particular man...nothing in particular
But you say there are so many things to be done
And he says right back that there's really just one
'Cause you're talking of death and he puffs
Just being born is problem enough
Feel overwhelmed with uni, my sanity fucks with me, going down into depression again and my only friends are drunk drug addicts with no perspective like me. Feel like I am not gonna make it, but want to try anyway.
Sorry to be rude about it, it's just like when a starving person sees someone who has the ability to buy dinner, then that person complains because they can't get the dish they want. I don't mean to be so harsh, but he probably ignores you because whatever you did to him (you made it sound like he's ignoring you because of problems you created) hurt him so much he doesn't want to reopen the old wounds by speaking with you again. As far as an apology, he probably doesn't want it. Like I said, just move on, and be happy/feel better about yourself knowing you have the opportunity. Most of us forever alones would love to be able to just have one bad relationship, rather than to never experience it period.
>overhelmed by social anxiety
>the people i once loved the most now couldnt care less about me
>its my fault tho, i always manage to fuck things up cus too depressed
>the years are going by and things just wont change
>get lots of shit at home, my mother makes me feel worse about myself everyday and lies to other relatives about me
>father died recently
>underachiever, constantly letting everyone down
>failed suicide twice cus im a pussy
im fucked up beyond repair, my perspectives are drowning myself in heroin till i overdose in the next couple years
Sounds like you need a dose of Glass Boys by Fucked Up. Musically and everything else, really made me think of that scenario.
As for me:
>still have echoes of the ex in my mind
>been writing a novel for nearly 2 years
>confident that i'm losing my grip on sanity & life
>i isolate a lot more these days
I didn't really want to get into it, cause I didn't wanna look like a huge sperg. But basically I gave her the impression that I was trying to rush into commitment. Truthfully, I got a little too hype.
>in between jobs (family friend that I've worked for before offered me a job but they're on vacation until january)
>feel useless because unemployed
>friends are all working and too busy to hang out
>no money for weed
>spend my days doing chores and then playing vidya/listening to music/watching tv
Switch substances, take out the parent's death and you and me are eerily alike. I hope things get better for you, I know what it's like having people tell lies about you so they don't get embarrassed as a parent. Keep your head up, maybe things will get better, otherwise, heroin feels good, enjoy it while you can.
I ruined like the past 3 attempted relationships like that. Women say they want commitment, but they really don't. Honestly, I think they just like playing mind games with us for a few months then leaving us high and dry and relishing in our pain.
Got a huge feel-storm this morning remembering my childhood after watching Terror in Resonance.
Miss my childhood days where I would joke around with my "girlfriend" and sit around, taking in the sun, without anything to worry about.
Being an adult is fucking shit.
>lives in another city
>has come and visited me twice on the weekend
>sleeping next to him at night feels amazing
>only get to do it like once every month
>every night go to bed disappointed
>in high school
>gay with homophobic family
>still (obviously) dependent on them
>severe depression and anxiety, have been on meds for 6 months
>overweight because of meds + being a lazy piece of shit
>have long distance bf for several months but parents dont know about him
>he lives in wisconsin whilst you live in ny
>parents have expressed bluntly how much they dislike you and accuse you constantly of lying about depression + homosexuality
>friends are all starting to hate you
>music career going nowhere, tech career going nowhere
>putting off a severe amount of homework off for another couple of hours
>desperate to the point that mu is only outlet for emotions pretty much ever
>currently listening to jim orourke
Well, make sure you test your dosages before doing it, some batches are stronger than others and you can OD instantly. If you want to do it safely, don't shoot, either snort or rectally administrate it (plug). It's not the safest drug, but it's safer than a full blown booze addiction if used by the guidelines stated above. I'm not trying to "help" you become a junkie, but if you're gonna do it, do it right. Mxe/ketamine are really fun drugs too, great for escapism. Try online black markets, find what drugs you like. Experiment with different substances, but always make sure to read up on dosages. Get a scale that reads milligrams. I've overdosed a few times on multiple drugs, and yeah, it could have been prevented with enough care.
>it's finally raining
That's a beautiful feel anon.
>Suddenly realizing that I'm actually a loser who's life is spiraling away from him quickly
>Thinking maybe I'm going insane
>Realizing my life is too boring for something as interesting as insanity
I dunno why but I listened to psychic chasms by neon indian a lot for this feel back in the day. Its not very wintery at all though. Your better off listening to the link above instead.
this is gonna sound bad, but i wish i was in your place, i could be putten away to some hospice and wouldnt have to deal with real life anymore, but my life is too boring for that
>Work from home on a computer all day
>Work has made me hate a subject I was passionate about
>Met a girl
>Not sure if she's single
>even if she is, I'll probably end up friendzoning myself because can't flirt and make my intentions known
>only fun thing in life is Judo and lifting
>apathetic about everything right now whether it's good or bad
I'm all over the place right now.
>listening to Giorgio and drinking Dr. Pepper
>jobless and hoping to get a meager one soon because I need some kind of income
>getting uglier by the day
>have feelings for someone who is kind of difficult to talk to sometimes because of ideologies that I simultaneously appreciate because who the fuck wants someone who has the same exact beliefs or no beliefs
The Pillows - FLCL soundtrack
Mac Demarco - 2
Animal Collective - Feels
>tfw realizing everything I enjoy is super depressing
Grouper - Dragging A Dead Deer Up A Hill
Cloud Nothings - Attack On Memory
Fat History Month - Bad History Month
blank banshee 0 and 1 are really good starting albums
if you want something happier, try hit vibes by saint pepsi
some of my personal favorites are things like new dreams ltd initiation tape and laserdisc visions, things where it sounds more like altered reality
pic related is a chart if you ever want to go more in depth
good if you want to feel alone
I am invisible. I pretty much don't exist. I used to have friends, but I pretty much faded out. They had ongoing text chats without me, they had plans without me, and eventually they had a group without me. The people in my line of work have no idea who I am, I'm just another NPC in everyone else's sandbox game. It sucks, too, because there's this one qt who I really like, even though the most I've ever done is say 'hi' while passing by in the halls. All I have is a small, hyperactive dog and my family, who most of the time do the same things my old friends did. Life sucks, and I'm probably going to live out my days lonely and apathetic. Not sure why I haven't an heroed yet.
It gets really boring but the first few weeks of exposure to vaporwave is fun.
I'd recommend the comps featured here. Get soulseek if you don't have it.
Opiates might help? They shouldn't affect schizophrenia and make you hallucinate more, if anything they'll sedate you. I could be wrong though, but yeah, that's one family of drugs that you would think wouldn't affect the problems you have. It'd probably make your life generally worse though, this post seems kind of pointless now that I think of it.
Also pls rec for me ._.
>Semester long project due in 3 days
>Little to no sleep until then
Not wallowing in self-pity about being too lazy to work. Its just a lot to do and a lot of pressure with plenty of moments of overwhelming inadequacy. Really long albums are a plus. Sometimes I sit through the disintegration loops to set a goal for how long I need to work before I can take a break.
>tfw you do a low dose of shrooms at a party and you escape into a bathroom and talk to your best friend for three hours about how he has realized he has anxiety and is depressed and the causes of that.
>Discuss why even though everyone wants to be your friend and talk to you constantly, no one ever approaches you in a romantic or sexual context without you making the first move.
>tfw also gay
>tfw a giant group of people impedes on your conversation with your best friend and each individually tells you how amazing you are.
>tfw 6 different friends text you while on shooms and tell you how much they miss you.
>tfw at the party on shrooms, you realize that you're almost done with college and you have a job lined up for after graduation and your life is on track to be stable.
>tfw listening to Nick Drake's Pink Moon on my floor after the party and weeping for the first time in two years because your best friend is moving going back up to college and you love him more than anyone else.
It was a heavy ass night. I felt so good about myself while being so sad because I just want my friend to be happy and experience how I was feeling.
>got blackout drunk and emailed my ex for the first time in about half a year and now i'm too scared to see if she responded
>she probably has a new bf now and doesn't want to think about me any more
>this time last year i was living the best days of my life with her
Rather sounds like you need human contact man.
The classic depressive winter-core would be Death Cab For Cutie, but that is the usuall shit. For this "I am lonely and drift through the world like a ghost" feels I would recommend Sea Oleena and some of Mars Voltas stuff, but these are my personal preferences connected to difficult times in my life.
yeah, maybe you're right
i'm gonna call my sister and ask her if i can come with her to her church tonight
>tfw got laid off 3 months ago, haven't found a new job
>can't keep a relationship for longer than a few weeks, just mindless sleeping around
>days where i hate myself are more prevalent recently, although there are good days too
>the only person i have left is my sister, talked with her for the first time in a while last week
>felt pretty good
i think that's probably the best idea i've read on this board in a while. i'm gonna go to church with my sis.
been listening and enjoying: Autechre - LP5, Zach Hill - Face Tat, Mogwai - Young Team
For me vomiting is fucking traumatic. I hate it worse than needles, squeaky styrofoam, and dentist drills combined. I can not, will not, allow myself to puke. I prefer to let the badness pass through my gut and exit as a vile malodourous aerosol at a later time. Fuck puking it's the woooorst.
Also, please excuse the lateness of my reply.
Can anyone give me recs based off of these feels? I haven't downloaded anything in a few weeks, which is really odd for me. I recently have been listening the shit out of Pom Pom, Timber timbre, four tet, and Wavves.
Just made a creppy album for a girl I barely know, some think it's ok, some love it, some hate it, most don't even give it the light of day.
Told the girl on a fake fb acount and haven't gotten a response, I'd be happy if she blocked the account or anything showing however she feels.
Also computer just stopped working for no raisin, so I can't even download the album.
I can't recommend anything to you because I'm in the same place.
>Graphic Design Major
>Semester long project due in 4 days.
But I'm stuck as fuck and I can't be productive anymore (also, I have the feeling that it doesn't matter how much I try I won't ever be as good as some as my classmates).
>8 months of mandatory civil service to go, shit job with a pay of 5 euros a day
>zero interest in starting CS studies next fall
>dream of getting cancer or hit by a meteorite
>no interests besides WoW, collecting records and light philosophy reading
I feel that I'm unworthy of love because I can't show empathy like everybody else.
I love having great platonic friends, but it would be nice to have a romantic one. I am 21 and have never been in a serious romantic relationship, it's kind of shitty, but I have to live with it.
My friend and I agree that I intimidate people because I am so open with everyone that I know. I am fairly attractive and people recognize that, but once a romantic relationship starts, it quickly fades. It tends to make people think that they have to live up to my standards of accepting people and openness to be part of my life, which is not the case at all.
Oh god bros I just did a double Masters in Architectural Acoustics and Illumination design. Fuuuuuuuuckme I don't envy you guise. My projects were usually 60hrs or so and blew my fucking mind. M83 got me through it but that's just me.
>tfw girl I really liked, only wants to be my friend (she told me before I said anything)
>tfw it didn't really hurt me for some reason
>tfw we still keep contact and I'm kinda hoping that maybe we could be a thing in the future, though it doesn't really matter if we don't
>tfw this other girl I'm talking to a lot, just broke up with her bf, but I'm sure if we're each others types
>tfw had a ""date"" with the first girl and it was one of the best experiences I've had in a long time and I realize what I need is simply more human contact
>tfw just sorta carefully optimistic about the future
I can understand how you feel, to be honest I used to try and get myself put away so I wouldn't have to face reality any more. It really sounds like a much better place to live, around people that have as much of a grip on reality as I do. But my current gf has been sectioned, and she still suffers from trauma from how horrible it was. I have decided it's not something to aim for any more.
I've been on my fair share of antidepressants, they all make me feel nothing. I honestly rather feel lost and deeply depressed than nothing. It's fucking horrible to feel nothing at all.
She wasn't really the motivation, she was more of the idea. The motivation was people enjoying what I was doing, like I know that sounds cheesey but it really is one of the greatest feelings knowing that people want to hear you, it actually made the "Reasons not to kill myself" list
I don't know if the people I'm seeing will give them to me. It's not really in my control, I have therapy once a week and I see a woman that gives out drugs once every 6 months or something, my input is never considered. My doctor recommended some strong stuff that they refused to give to me, in spite of that they had experimented 2 SSRIs on me that weren't meant for my age group (17). I tend to drink more now, and smoke for the psychotic attacks that I get a lot of the time when I'm at school.
>have some pretty good friends again after having a year where I almost talked to noone
>still feel like shit
>still have the feeling that I'm unwanted/undesirable
>sometimes have the feeling that I'm gonna cry for no reason whatsoever
>confused as fuck because of the feelings I have (or don't have) for some girl I know I shouldn't ever date for several reasons
>confused as fuck in general because I don't know what I want in my life
>most of the time feel like I'm a fucking cliche and noone wants to hear about my problems
>rarely connect with people
>dislike most people without a reason
and to quote something from a movie that I saw a little while ago that hit pretty close to home:
>I'm tired. I thought I just needed a night's sleep but it's more than that.
Listen to this guy. They are awesome, I am >>51783817. Start with a low dose though, When I first tried them, I had way too many and it made me not go back to them for a while.
The second time I tried them, I had even more and I experienced ego-death and it was amazing, but I feel like it would not be a good experience for most people, it is pretty mind shaking.
Do I know that feel
If you want something to express your emotion, go with some glitchy IDM (Autechre, Venetian Snares, Kid606, Oval) or some ambient cold soundscapes (Microstoria, Disintegration Loops).
For stuff to speak to you, Flipper's Generic/Gone Fishin' generally encompass the angrier side of the spectrum; Nico's Desertshore I like a lot too. Gang of Four's Solid Gold, while very political, gives me a feeling similar to yours described; and lastly amnesiac, trite as it is, always helps me with this.
I'm sorry if the recs are no good, I did my best; just at least know someone else has your feel too.
i'm sorry man i know how you feel
you should listen to King Creosote and Jon Hopkins- Diamond Mine
it's not going to relate to your problems but it's nice to listen to while thinking about that kind of stuff
>tfw you've finally found the perfect girl, you share her interests, she's funny, smart and ridiculously beautiful and way out of your league
>tfw she's moving to Egypt in January
Gimme an album for when she leaves /mu/, I don't know what I'm going to do with myself.
>Just finished college apps
>already accepted to my second choice school and got a huge scholar ship
>These last 6 months of highschool are so pointless
>gf is 2 years younger and we realize we're going to split once I leave
>I think we both have just accepted it, but it's a looming concept
>listening to Snowing
>life is ok
>Having creative block, cannot do music or art and have college exhibition tomorrow
>Ditched all my 'friends' to a college where i hate everyone who speaks to me.
>Fell in love for the first time in 2 years
>she knows nothing about me really i just act like that 'chill' guy who smokes weed
>probably thinks i'm i freak and i have no chance since her dad just died
I actually feel fucking great. There's so much to be grateful for.
I'm doing a show with both my band this week, I'm killing it in school, my birthday is coming up, I have a gig and a BadBadNotGood concert that very weekend, great UFC pay per view next weekend, Christmas break soon, warm day where I am, I fucking love myself, I fucking love people and i'm grateful for how much humanity has made my life comfy, I love my government and my country, I love my dog, I love what I'm wearing today, I'm having spaghetti tn and that's my favourite fucking food in the world, in a week and a half I will be able to start drinking again, there's so much good music to discover today (thanks to you guys I discover way more music now!!), I get to hang out with my buddy later and I love him, one day I will meet the love of my life, I am my favourite guitarist in the world and one day I will be able to share my music with thousands of people, I'm a bout to have a warm shower, I have the capability to be nicer to someone than anyone's been to them all day and we would both feel fucking great if I did that, I just may...
I could go on. life is fucking great guys you need to appreciate it more. Everyone on 4chan is so depressed all the time.
No prob bro
Thanks man! Acoustics is the science of the gods (imho, of course). It's shrouded in superstiion and mystery and common sense often doesn't apply to reality. I love sound in a way that's so much deeper than just music or enviroments or whatever.
I'm starting to think/come to terms with the fact that I'm becoming a loser. It's a weird feeling. At least I'm 23 and I had a good time during college.
I think I'm developing depression mainly because I have an anxiety problem and I'm depressed that it's never going to go away and it's going to control and negatively impact my life forever
Wishing all you anons all the best
>I realized that girls aren't the goal, but rather a reward for living an interesting life. I've never been happier.
Damn that's a pretty good way to look at it imo
I'm gonna try and convince my subconsiousness that that's the way to look at it, because in my head finding a girl to date/gf has been my goal and I realized that that's not hte way.
where did it hurt? brain? i used to get it all the time when i was practicing lucid dreaming for a psychology project. it became so bad i had to stop my trials, i though i was going to pop a blood vessel in my noggin
>went to a tame impala concert last week
>chat with jay watson for a while
>i said i also play the keayboards but i'm not very good at it, he said i just need to make weird sounds
>i want to listen to weird sounds
hurt everywhere, my body ached all night from it. My head too as there was an incredibly loud ringing every time I fell into the paralysis which was about 3 or 4 times one after another.