It's been great /mu/, you guys have shown me the most beautiful music this world has to offer and I'm forever grateful for that.
It made life a little easier the last few years, this place isn't as bad as you guys think.
You guys hang on and find the things you need in life, I'm sure you'll all figure it out soon.
Any albums I should listen to while I blow my head off?
They're used to it by now right, they do that shit every week.
Living is a lot more painful at this stage in life Anon, especially if you're incapable of living a normal life.
But I want to ever since I can remember.
I don't want to hurt anyone, I hope my friends and family will forgive me.
if you're really gonna an hero why not take some jews or something with you? get a gun and shoot some people up who don't deserve to live. sacrifice yourself for the good of humanity. world would be a better place if you selfish cunts could do shit like this
in fact the people you leave feel more pain than the pain you feel dying.
youl leave them blaming themselves and you wouldnt be able to tell them differently.
just speaking from knowing people who had to deal with friends killing themselves.
seeing the damage it did to them was far worse than the person who did it possibly imagined
Autism, ADD, drug addiction, anorexia, steroids abuse, alcoholism, fascination with death, losing the only person I ever loved by being dumped twice, therapy that didn't work, inactive family, constantly trying and having the means to but failing everything because of poor mental health and mental disorders, one sided deafness so no real means of ever listening to music ever.
Suicide prevention hotline. I've been suicidal. I feel unbelievably thankful I didn't do it. Even if no one listens, call that number. They listen. Please, I beg of you, give yourself a chance.
I don't want to hurt anyone
I never really understood the positive part in this song, it sounds like a song promoting suicide to me but I'm probably missing something.
I vivdly remember my little sister's reaction after finding out about my first attempt, its just unfair that I can't leave without hurting others.
I got a lot of friends but they're all growing up, getting jobs, going long-term with people while I'm stuck just fighting to ever succeed in doing anything.
I can't even finish school because of my attention span, can't even work, can't even love because I'm too distanced for anyone to think I even know how to.
I really don't want to hurt my best friend, I've always secretly loved him but could never cope with my own sexuality.
The only girl I ever loved doesn't want to talk to me anymore and she's scared of me now, she only came back to fuck me just once out of boredom. That's how much our 5 year relationship was really worth to her.
I like music, black and white movies and reading books about unnatural stuff.
I've heard this so often but it never does, it just gets different without any way to stop it.
When I'm going to kill myself, I'm definitely jumping off someplace high. I mean, how cool is that, for a few seconds you're actually flying. Much better than killing yourself with a gun, in which case you'll be doubting until the last second, you'll be in absolute agony until the moment you pull the trigger. If you jump off a building you're fucking orgasming all the way down, seeing everything and nothing at the same time.
Jump off a building anon, don't be dumb.
How could you leave without hurting others, they are people that imagine their life's from the present to the future and they see you in those memories. They are people who give a shit and you shouldn't be afraid to lean on them when you really need it
I'm in the Netherlands, I can't use that number.
You're right, I shouldn't linger.
I tried but got arrested, I think carbon monoxide is the most peaceful way to go.
I can't, I don't want to be an attention whore and just sort of disappear, imagine how awkward it would be to tell your friends you want to stop living, they'll call the cops on me and I'll be locked up again.
That's scary, what do I even tell them.
start doing stuff man. you sound like you've had a tough time, use that to create something. art itself won't save you but the process of creation, and the people you meet along the way will.
use drugs if you have to but suicide is just dumb.
youl never know if you had it in you to do shit right if you go through with it. youl never know anything again actually. anyone you cared about, family, friends, just gone. i just dont see the pleasure in the release when it just seems like a cop out.
My best friend has a girlfriend, knowing him he'll just shake it off.
And I don't want to hurt my ex, she had it rough as well lately.
I can't even accomplish the smallest things man, I've had over 8 jobs and failed all of them, failed about 4 schools as well.
I just can't get anything in life after trying and trying, I always come back to this part of my life where I get the decision to just end it or try again pretending that I don't know what's going to happen again.
Plus I'm already on a lot of cocaine, I want to enjoy this moment atleast.
The post-ironic memes are even worse, anyway I'm off.
It was great to have been hanging out with you guys, you guys better get Death Grips to make another album even if it's at gunpoint.
I love you. Be well. Take care. You will get through this. Walk tall. Sometimes you gotta build your wings while you're falling. May you continue to be the light that shines in the darkness of this soon to pass night. Love. Love. Love
>all these newfags trying to talk a newfag out of suicide
is it summer already?
Alright man I don't want to make you feel pity on me or whatever but the love of my life just killed herself 2 weeks and a day ago. The only person in the world who made me feel good about myself. Can you imagine how that feels? Now imagine her parents. We all feel like we failed her and are holding onto guilt for something she did to herself. I'm not a very emotional person, and I honestly don't think it's fully hit me she's even gone yet. I cried til I fell asleep when I first heard. We had been talking after our break up which was over a year ago. Her birthday is around valentine so I wished her a happy birthday and happy valentines to start a conversation, as we hadn't talked in years. We were talking on the phone a lot and even had plans to hang out. We had told each other we loved each other. She just did it out of nowhere. Now I'm left feeling empty every day and I'm basically distracting myself as much as possible to run from the devastation I feel knowing that my one true love is gone forever, and that I couldn't help her. It kills me inside man. I can only imagine how her mom feels. Do you know how hard suicide is for everyone around you? I feel like my entire world is now empty. I might someday find someone else, but they'll never compare to her. Ever. I'm almost thinking of swearing off women all together. I love her that much. I feel empty now because she's gone. I'm trying not to cry as I type. Please don't commit suicide anon. Life is a beautiful thing that we take for granted every day. You will hurt everyone around for pain that is fixable, reversible. Pain is a part of life, but it makes the moments of joy that much better. Hang on for your family. Hang on for people like me. Hang on for yourself. You dont want to hurt people the way suicide does. My love passing will forever haunt me, torment me, and eat at me until the day I die. Dont do that to your family and loved ones. They surely dont deserve it.
If you have serious mental health issues and therapy/medication has repeatedly done absolutely nothing for you, then you're pretty justified in killing yourself.
Just make sure it actually failed and the failure wasn't blown out of proportion by your presumably low self esteem/confidence. You're just at a disadvantage in life and can't succeed because of it.
Reach out 100% and focus purely on your mental health. It's one of the biggest things stopping you from achieving anything. I understand if you don't have the motivation anymore though. Life is pretty grueling but just make sure you're focusing on what really matters and not stretching yourself out too thin and failing at everything before you off yourself.
use whatever money you have to travel first theres so much stuff you could do now and its not like you are saving it for anything after. At most you gain a new perspective on life and live happily ever after, at worst you get to kill yourself anyway and you go to some places you want to see first.
Damn, I got a little teary-eyed reading that. Words are probably useless to you at the moment, but I wish you the best. Time dulls everything, for better or worse.
I think about suicide regularly but I couldn't put anyone in a situation like this.
I don't have the ability to make long-winded paragraphs talking you out of suicide because I'm sure you've considered every other option at this point. Just make sure you read everything in this thread a good amount of times as you might be glad you did one day.
Here's something that can make you feel at peace for a bit.
I'm just going to tell you this.
In your situation, you have two options.
One is suicide. You hit rock bottom and you end everything forever. That's it. No second chance, no regrets, no nothing.
The other one is pretty simple.
You know what happens when someone hits rock bottom? Things can only get better.
You'll start appreciating life more.
You'll realize that confidence and love for yourself can literally cure any sickness you may have. They aren't sicknesses or defeats unless you acknowledge them as such.
Then you'll do things that makes you happy.
Forget about school if there isn't anything you want to get out of it.
Start paying attention to life and to everything around you and you'll learn things other people wouldn't normally see, because you've gone through shit they probably haven't.
Look at Varg.
The motherfucker is living a "pagan" life in a rural place in the middle of nowhere with not many friends, but a beautiful house that he build himself and a good wife with kids.
And all because he stuck to his believes and learn from those 20 years in prison.
Read self-improvement books.
Do not try to be what your friends or family expect you to be.
Understand that everyone goes through shitty moments at some point and everyone is like you, so you can do whatever you want.
Be the man your children would love to have in the future.
Get over your oneitis.
>more coke I guess
Jesus christ get a hold of yourself. How many loved ones even know about the shit your going through? All they'll be saying after you kill yourself is they wished you would've told them.
You have nothing to lose from reaching out. It'll either do nothing or help.
Most sickeningly normie posts itt
Best and most genuinely kind sounding post itt
Where do you even begin
Everyone knows I tried once, my sister tells my mom I'm depressed but when she asks I just shrug it off.
Nobody really knows how bad it is anymore but they all know what shit I went through and try not to be too hard on me which makes me feel even more inadequate.
I have cancer and you don't see me bawling. If you're here telling other people and analyzing shit it shows that you're not ready, otherwise you'd just do it. Instead, go explore and try to do things you always wanted to do. Tell the people you love you love them. Speak your mind, have fun. What do you have to lose? You're going to supposedly die anyways.
It's worst to have a lot of power and not being able to use it. Being detained from living is different sometimes.
There must be an obstacle you can jump over, they say how high?
How High I'll be after smoking all Jamaica? I won't change the state.
These are enemies, the ones you see negative. Nobody will pull together anymore, we have created people that reaches some limits to get there.
You see Adolph did an exploit in Germany and after a long time got his position, it was crazy and nobody was supporting Adolph but he showed the World how anyone can be such leader, it was an obvious role he took.
You can see Death Grips does anything and got his place, I don't think you have to kill yourself just pull down the window and enjoy the breeze.
I'm very sorry to hear that Anon, I hope you get better.
Why would I tell anyone I love them, that would just fuck things up even more.
What if she says no, she said yes and then no before.
You're a faggot. JUST FUCKING KILL YOURSELF ALREADY YOU GODDAMN PANSY. DON'T END UP LIKE THE THOUSAND OTHER ANONS WHO ATTENTION-WHORE ABOUT THEIR IMPENDING SUICIDE AND COP OUT AT THE LAST GODDAMN SECOND.
You need to let them know, if you value their mindset after all is said and done.
Let them know you love them, let everyone you ever loved know you loved them.
And once you do it find value in life, travel, meet different people, live.
>when she asks I just shrug it off
I also made this post >>54743350 and it sounds like your motivation is completely shot. I'll say again that reaching out has no downsides. Some people don't really find out how incredibly supportive their loved ones are until they start reaching out to them.
If you don't feel comfortable with that, then search for online communities with the same mental conditions that you have. Not all of them together but find a community for each one and really attempt to reach out. You've gotta be relentless with how much you put out there and how much information and experiences you take in from others in a similar situation. It's easy to feel alone but there's someone out there who's gone through struggles very similar and can't wait to give you perspective and advice.
Again, I know your motivation is basically at zero right now, but I'm sure you've become pretty good and simply existing and getting through each day and making it to the next one. You probably fill up each day with things that pass the time and I'd bet you're skilled at it by now. All I'm saying is use this skill to your advantage and pass the time with some of the advice I've given you. Life is pretty terrible but it hasn't beat you yet. Even if it feels that way, you haven't lost.
You made people on mu care for you OP. Thats a really rare thing condering most boards wouldnt do that. All the importants stuffs has been said itt. All and all your are the one responsible for pulling the trigger just as elevate yourself through the world. Buy a dog or something. Take care of something enough that taking care of yourself will feel like a breeze. Also stop drugs right away ans move your ass around for a month till your addiction fade. I care humanly for you. Im at the bottom of barrel too and moved to the countryside with my family. I promise myself things will get better and they will be. Because im gonna do something about it. Fuck the shitposters.
Hopefully, thanks, and apologies for sounding too cranky up there. You need to let them know, and besides, it won't matter in the end...but you at least went knowing you said what you had to say. Why have inhibitions on these last moments? Why care what anyone is going to say? What's the point? Just do what you actually want.
That's probably because you haven't gone through a suicidal phase.
After you go through it and understand that every person around you, literally EVERY person around you, could find themselves in a situation like the one you just left behind, for whatever reason, you will start loving everyone a tiny bit more, even if just enough to realize you're not alone, and you will never be alone again as long as you have the will to live and to talk to those people and do the things that make you happy without becoming dependant on anything.
When you see it a bajillion fucking times it gets old real fast. If these fuckers actually wanted to off themselves they would have done it by now. So, at this point it's just attention whoring. Fuck you and fuck OP.
not my answer to give. the answers arent laid out, you just have to keep looking for them.
understand whats holding you back, work from the ground up, you dont have to graduate to be happy. you dont even have to be rich you just need to find what matters most.
Hard times like, "God!"
Bad trips like, "Yea!"
Nazareth, I'm fucked up
Homie you fucked up
But if God got us
Then we gon' be alright
Nigga, we gon' be alright
Nigga, we gon' be alright
We gon' be alright
Do you hear me, do you feel me? We gon' be alright
Nigga, we gon' be alright
Huh? We gon' be alright
Nigga, we gon' be alright
Do you hear me, do you feel me? We gon' be alright
Living on to pay back my parents is such great fun, though.
I think at some point it'll probably get better and I'll only have hung on long enough for their sake, but I still can't imagine being grateful.
I loved her more than anything OP. I miss her every day. I try not to think about it, but it's always there. We're in this together man. If you feel alone, well I feel alone too. I must continue to live though, and you should do the same. There was a time when I was feeling like you do. You just have to hold on and hope for the best. Live for yourself man. You deserve life. You deserve to live life. You deserve as many chances as you can get. There are people that love you OP, and even if you don't feel that way, maybe there is someone out that will love you if you give them a chance. If not for yourself, why not your parents and loved ones? They care about you, even if they don't show it. I'm assuming you had at least a decent upbringing and if Im incorrect Im sorry. Lets say you dont have real parental figures. Have any friends? Just one? You said you had a best friend. I bet he cares about you a lot. I bet he'd beat himself up every day for not being able to save you from suicide. I bet he'd feel the way I do. Empty. Alone. Devastated beyond belief. Even if you can't see it. I know my ex didn't see it. She didn't think about how we would feel. I wish she would have. Now her family, her friends, loved ones and I are left broken hearted. She was such a good person to us OP, and I dont think she saw it. Maybe you cant see it either. But suicidal people, and trust me Ive been friends with many of them, are some of the best people I know. So what if you failed? Thats the human experience man. Im a failure. Its okay. I dont blame myself for it. You shouldnt blame yourself for your failures. Sometimes thats just the hand we are dealt. Not everyone can be successful. And life isnt about success anyway. Its about the love you give, and the impact you have on others. Do you want to leave the world as a permanent scar on your family and friends collective hearts? (1/2)
well how can you expect anyone to help when you dont want them to see whats really up. youre just suffering in silence while the people who care the most have to sit on the sidelines and watch as you roll farther down the slope. you shouldnt feel like shit about it, they dont pity you if thats what you think it sounds like she loves you the most you should atleast confide in her. give someone something or else itl just bubble over and you have another fit like this where youre online wondering what to do next.
quit being ashamed and let someone in. otherwise you cut yourself off from real lifelines you refuse to see
I said "probably".
The concept of suicide is naive and overly depressive in and of itself, and once you leave it behind you tend to realize a lot more about life, which I believe is a positive effect (unless you actually kill yourself).
I hate coming to these threads, because I'm still trying to shake off suicidal thoughts after 2 attempts
This is what has been pulling me off
I don't want mom, or dad, or any of my two brothers to feel guilty
I would the destroy the family after this bond we have built after our parents separated. Again.
I've had 2 girlfriends in my life. Actually just one, the second one was the love of my life (so far)
Skip the former, this second girl, we dated for almost 3 years. We were so happy, we had our fights but that's it. Nothing big, we never cheated (at least me, i don't care if she did, but i trusted her words). I thought 'Well fuck, this is it, this is the girl and I only had to get heartbroken once, awesome'. Around these dates last year we were on a date out in the city, I was feeling more in love than ever, my man. I couldn't believe I was sitting besides the most beautiful woman I've ever met. Well, we got home. Guess what happened next morning...
She all of sudden texted me we had to talk. There I was confused as she changed her relationship status on facebook a day after I thought was one of the greatest times since we had been together.
Anyways, I did not ask a single question not even a "Why?", she is pretty down to Earth and knows what she does.
This coincided with a lot of sad things happening around me... the death of my dog, my parents separation, my uncle's dead.
I felt on the verge of life, had lost nearly everything (that dog meant A LOT to me, god damn it)
So I attempted suicide after many sleepless weeks, failed. Started crying like a little bitch. Second attempt replicated the first one.
Whatever I feel I've typed too much. I'm much stabilized right now. I've learned that you can't enjoy life if you don't feel on the edge of it from time to time. How can you love something if you take it for granted?
Rethink about it OP.
Regardless, if you've gone through it that means you're over it, and that means you want to live life.
That's an experience every single person has had once they get out of that phase. It's an objective fact, and if you haven't, then maybe you haven't left it behind after all.
Or do you want to give them the ability to talk with you, enjoy your presence, and love you while you are still with them? You don't have to listen to me OP. But I want you to. I want you to live your life and get up from your failures and keep going. Ive had a shitty ass life OP. I still try and smile though. Does the world fucking suck sometimes? Yep. But sometimes it's pretty alright. Give life a chance. Talk to someone you love about this. They don't want you to go. Just think about it please. (2/2)
>tfw went through a suicidal phase not telling anyone because people's help just makes me self-conscious
If there's anything you feel you can do, by all means, go for it. But if not, distract yourself. Maybe it'll go away.
Not killing yourself doesn't mean you are absolutely over that phase.
What makes you think you won't just cut your throat one day if things get bad again?
Instead of praising yourself for not jumping a building actually think why you could've jumped, and the fact that you're still alive and how many things you can experience now that you didn't kill yourself.
If you can do that, then you'll be able to appreciate the little things more.
What I'm trying to say is, sure, everyone has a different experience, but the core of the outcome is still the same.
You want to live life after acknowledging you could've died.
If you don't, then you're just lying to yourself about being over suicidal tendencies.
You're still not over it, and you should start thinking what's the reason for that.
Don't shrug it off! Talking about it, as hard as it is helped me through my problems a lot. My parents were very supportive to me.
It sounds like you were trying to tell a girl you loved her? One thing Ive learned is to not put all of my self esteem into one girls approval. My love came to me, we clicked with each other. We didnt play games. You might be lucky enough to get a girl like that, you might not. You might have to settle, but dont ever rely on a woman for validation. (Im guy with ex who committed suicide) If someone loves you, REALLY loves you they wont play around with your emotions.
Is this really time to be critical of someone's story? We were attached to each other. It wasn't some clingy thing. We were in love and wanted to marry, wanted to be monogamous. Just because you don't understand it doesn't make it false.
OP here, excuse me for not replying to everyone because it's just too many people, I feel really guilty I'm wasting everyone's time trying to cheer me up because I'm too weak to keep going.
I distracted myself for ages, it just doesn't go away and it's been there ever since I can remember.
When I used to go to parties I used to take so much drugs people had to call an ambulance, they're still trying to figure out what the fuck is going on but I'm just not saying anything, the next day we're all walking around being happy, I go home and that's where everything goes back to normal until next weekend.
I'm a leech on society and a leech on my mom, I fucked up everything and had to go back home. I know people think it's weak, I think it's weak, I can't even take care of myself at this point.
I have very basic dreams, after dealing drugs for a while and quitting because I had to go to jail and getting addicted myself I realized I really want to go into the business world like my dad.
Sadly I can't because I can't even finish high school because of ADD and autism, I can't sit still and read or study for too long, it's just impossible.
My second wish would be to own my own house again and have a loving family but nobody would ever want to date me, so far men and women have only tried to take advantage of my unstable situation and get me in their beds, I grew distrustful of women and I don't believe relationships will ever work.
Now I spend most of my time listening to music pretending I really like to be alone but deep down inside I miss everyone but I just don't know how to open up to people when I can't even make eye contact or get touched without flinching.
I just don't know anymore, there's so much things I really want that would make this life worth living that I'll just never have, I just don't want to grow old never achieving even the simplest achievements pretty much every person will have at one point in ther lives.
That's self-defeating bullshit and you know it.
You make it harder than it actually is.
Really, if you see depression as a big thing you'll never leave behind because you're so sad and depressed, then that's exactly what's going to happen and you'll never be happy.
The praising thing was meant to emphasize the fact that if you're over something like that, then that means there's a realization you've hit and that you feel proud of, because you now want to live life.
Otherwise, there's nothing to feel proud of if you just stepped off the edge as if you could use suicide as a final resort whenever things get bad again.
Stop being in denial and think about why you aren't as happy as you'd want to be. If you don't do that, then you'll never be over it.
Depression is no excuse to not think about those things and work on them.
Hey man I don't know if you're still here, but I've been where you are, and it really does get better. Why don't you just take a bus ride somewhere totally new and start over if you're so committed to ending your life? Might as well give it one last shot right? A change of pace will do you good, move to the desert or mountains or some shit.
Fuck you. People are temporary. Friends are temporary. Lovers are temporary. Exposing yourself to allow that kind of pain is foolish. You have nobody but yourself to blame. I don't feel bad for him or anyone like him.
Why don't you try writing music?
What you achieve really doesn't matter dude. Life is fleeting, there really isn't very far to go. Try your best to focus on the present moment, appreciate all the beautiful things around you. Just relax, breathe deep into your balls, and relate to the beautiful people around you.
Again, this is all I really have to say >>54745263
Just put a 100% concentrated effort into one problem at a time. You have ADD, autism, drug addiction, self esteem issues and depression/suicidal thoughts all stopping you from getting to where you wanna be.
Trying to tackle them all together is stretching yourself out too thin and you're bound to fail. This is probably makes everything feel so daunting and hopeless.
I can't relate so in the end, I don't think I'll be much help but as for your original question, does do it to your favorite album of all time. The one that beings out the most of you emotionally. If you actually do go through with it, then good bye man.
At the very least write some letters before you go. You have an opportunity so say some things to people that you would never of had otherwise.
Sure, but that doesn't mean you won't be able to feel love for someone "as much" as her.
Because, you see, love doesn't have levels.
You don't just love someone much more than someone else.
You just love differently.
That's why saying you'll never love anyone "as much" as her doesn't make sense. You're putting a standard that shouldn't exist, because other women will never be her, and that's perfectly fine.
You need to understand that it's the past, and that when you get over it, there will be a trillion people out there living their lives just like you, and going through shit that hits them as hard as that experience hit you. That's why you can love again, but when you do, don't ever try to compare them to that "special true love" person.
There's no one special in this world. We're all equally capable of making you feel shitty or happy, as long as you let us.
If you don't, then good look having an empty life until the day you die thinking she was somehow more special than every other human being on Earth.
I don't want to grow older either, the older I get the more I'm ashamed of what I've become and how far behind I am, even my little sister has achieved more in life in her 16 years than I have.
My parents were never there and I was an unwanted child, better yet my parents didn't bat an eye at me until I was 3 years old.
My first experience of life was a very dangerous infection literally destroying my eardrums in a week time.
Now I have only one ear that works and I can barely speak normally without raising my voice in a weird way that freaks people out, I can barely enjoy music either even after I spend hundreds of government euros just to mod my headphone so I can achieve good sound.
I'm in a lot of debt as well which I feel like I can never really pay back, how can I even make money if all I do is give it off to companies that I haven't paid.
I hate being in debt and I'm deeply ashamed of myself.
I hate being NEET, most of my friends are and they're fine with it but I'm disgusted by it.
I want to achieve something, have enough money to provide for myself and my family.
Then there's the fact that I'm anorexic when I used to go to the gym very often and I was relatively big.
I barely got energy to walk around and I need to wear women's jeans in a small size because nothing else doesn't fit.
When my ex came over and she took my clothes off she started crying and asked me what I had done to myself, maybe that's why she left the next day.
Then there's the fact that I've been active in the wrong crowd for a long time and have been jailed too often to get a job, one look at my papers and they'l see i'm no good.
One of my best friend got his eye stabbed out in front of me and I ran off, I wasn't fast enough and got stabbed in the arm but for some reason made it out alive.
My mom also hates it that I'm bisexal and I try to play it off like I never were, I honestly feel a little disgusted with myself as well even though I have nothing against it.
Keep throwing those condescending sentences. I'm sure they'll make you feel confident about your situation.
I might not understand it, but I don't need to understand anything about suicide to know that when you're truly over it you'll be able to enjoy life more and appreciate it.
But then again, you could be an edgy teen who thinks of depression as something really big that will scar you forever and you'll never truly leave behind, because it's "scientifically proven" to be a sever mental condition or whatever.
Most posters on /mu/ are edgy teens anyway, so it wouldn't surprise me.
Just remember, if you think of it as a big deal, then it will be a big deal. Simple as that.
You're probably never going to be truly happy and you're probably never going to kill yourself, seeing as you're posting here and responding. When I actually try to take myself out it comes out of fucking nowhere, personally.
How much does your family actually know? Your friends? Have you tried reaching out only to find yourself disappointed and even more alone? They live in the same reality as you, and while you may find the guilt unfair, they deserve to know the full extent of your suffering. Don't leave them a nasty surprise.
You know yourself better than anybody else, and if you believe you're hopeless then that's what you're going to be. Any amount of therapy and misunderstood opinions from your family and friends isn't going to help. Medication might help if depression is effecting your brain.
I don't know what kind of person you are, but if it's relationship or personality problems causing this, then therapy or general mental health resources MIGHT actually help. I'd suggest getting on top of it before you find more reasons to die. I personally deal with everything myself, but that has gotten me nowhere.
I don't have any answers. If you kill yourself all of your loved ones will be sad and possibly ruined. You might pass on your suicidal thinking and definitely depression. If you don't kill yourself you will be very unhappy and the pain will be unbearable. Either way, death will eventually come for everyone and take away all of the pain. Have you tried taking yourself away from your identity and looking at everything from a larger perspective? All perspectives are probably equally meaningless, but you might find being a good person and living for others worthwhile.
Im aware of the studies, I really dont give a fuck. Psychedelics added nothing to my life. Im sure the last thing a depressed suicidal person needs is any type of psychoactive drug. How about offering some meaningful advice, rather than telling him to consume chemicals?
trying them 1 or 2 times doesnt do any harm, i dont feel any "clouded". acid just made appreciate my friends, my family and the little moments of happines in life a lot more, i just didnt get it before doing it. im not saying everyone needs to do them by any means. im just saying man, unrustle your jimmies
Wil je echt zelfmoord plegen voordat je een zomerdag hebt verspilt aan in de zon liggen en naar de wolken kijken? Doe eens een kruiswoord puzzel ofzo. maak iets wat je graag zou willen maar niet voor wil betalen. Daag een willekeurig persoon uit voor een potje schaak. Whatever, hou het tenminste vol tot het eind van de mooie dagen, dat is het fijnst voor iedereen.
Zo niet. King Crimson - Red
I like cocaine because I like myself for once and I feel like I've accomplished something, if I hadn't snorted so much I would've never even said all these things probably.
believe it or not OP we have a lot of similar problems. I hope you find a way to achieve happiness in life. I try to appreciate the little things, as corny as it sounds. Food, shelter, family, pets. I dont have any friends either OP, but Im doing just fine. Youll make it man. My ex is gone and I felt like she was the only one for me, and I think she was. Ill likely be alone and a shut in my whole life, but thats okay. Its just the way things go sometimes. If you ever feel alone, just remember theres plenty of people feeling the same way.
This cuts deep because you actually have autism and you can't do anything about it.
If it helps, when I was in a similar situation, I made a music album with the few resources that I had, letting every negative emotion and also small but really strong positive ones in it.
No one aside for me has ever heard it, but it helped me get out of the hole I dug for myself.
Find a way of letting those emotions out, and never lie to yourself.
Remember that there people like you who are happy and were able to find people they can trust.
Mijn vrienden zijn er toch niet deze zomer, hij is bij zijn vriendin en al mijn vrienden letten nu op of ik geen drugs doe en niet teveel drink.
Ik ben zo'n beetje het kleine broertje van de groep geworden hierdoor en het is vernederend.
Ik had zin in deze zomer maar niet op deze manier, ik mis Amsterdam maar ik heb niks om naar terug te gaan daar.
Ik wil de zomer wel leuk doorbrengen maar ik ziet hier alleen voor me uit te staren.
>and stop shitting up this board.
>he actually thinks this board can get any worse
As bad as it sounds, it does help to know I'm not the only one out there like this.
Our stories are quite similar but yours is a lot worse man, I hope you'll find happiness one day.
Yeah society doesn't know what happens to autistic children when they grow up, a lot of them end up killing themselves because they just can't fit into society no matter how hard they try.
They can never hold a job or really connect with anyone and just end up looking at the sideline at everyone growing up and moving from one part of their life to the other.
I was quickly throw into a school for autistic children where I was exposed to drugs at the age of 12, most of us snorted our Ritalin instead of swallowing it.
All the girls cut themselves and had sex with everyone to feel adequate, one girl raped me when I was just 13 because she wanted to have a dark haired daughter just like Madonna.
She was never arrested and nobody ever cared about it so I decided to drop it.
Most people of my old school are NEETs, prostitutes, drugsdealers or in a gang or work a shitty job for little money or actually managed to move on and pretend that none of it ever happened.
I was actually forced to take medication or I wasn't allowed in school because I couldn't concentrate in school.
I've never been able to escape any of it, I tried to leave everything behind me so I fled from this place the moment I turned 18 but I've never been able to pick myself from the ground and become a functional member of society.
It's literally all I want in life, I look up to people who have a lot of friends and know how to be social and have decent jobs, I wish I could do the same.
Zei ik iets over je "vrienden"? Nee
Leer om jezelf gezelschap te houden, en vanzelf komt gezelschap je tegemoet.
Ik ga nu naar bed man. Als je er toch mee doorgaat, dan vraag ik je of je het groots aan wil pakken, bomaanslag op het binnenhof of iets dergelijks
Dan weet ik dat jij het was en zal ik je missen.
I'd like to hear that, whatever the production value. I imagine it as something like a Daniel Johnston album, but I guess there are plenty of channels for a project like this.
>where is the 4chan i know and love
right here >>>/b/
Dazu müsste man wohl nüchtern sein.
>It's literally all I want in life, I look up to people who have a lot of friends and know how to be social and have decent jobs, I wish I could do the same.
Forget about that.
You say you like Burzum, don't you?
Read up on Varg's story. Seriously. He might be wrong about a lot of things, but he stood for what he believed in.
Stop trying to satisfy society's ever changing standards, because you might think the people you look up to have nice happy lives, but the thing is, most of them never truly appreciate life or either get depressed as well, regardless of how well adjusted they might be.
Find your own way of doing things and stop trying to fit in.
An outcast is always an outcast, but if you play your cards right, it might benefit you in the end, as long as you stand up for what you want and never let others dictate your life as if they're worth more than you, because they're not.
They might not have autism.
They might be "well adjusted" members of society.
They are not worth more than you.
I just want to be able to finish college and move on but I'm scared I actually can't as I've proven myself time and time again.
I'm too scared of change and I don't feel like I can do anything.
Please don't do it anon. From your post you are clearly an articulate self-aware person which is already rare enough in this world without you leaving it. You live in a 1st world country with no shortage of opportunity, if you are serious about suicide then you have literally nothing to lose which puts you in a position to say fuck it and grab life by the balls in a way that most people are too afraid to. Go somewhere you always wanted to visit, pick up that guitar/camera/pen and pour yourself into something creative, go out and join groups for people who share your interests. Just fucking go out and say yes to shit. There are so many beautiful things you will never be able to experience if you kill yourself, not to mention the irreparable damage you will cause to those who love you. Here's some songs, please don't top yourself.
plus if you're dead how will you browse dank memes?
Also if you like B&W movies please watch this before making your decision
Varg didn't finish college.
Instead he spend 15 years in a prison after killing someone at the age of 17 in self-defense.
He's kind of a psycho, but still, you get the idea.
You think he killed himself in that prison? Or wanted to become part of society?
He took it like a man.
Then he got out and found a wife who stood his shit and they both seem pretty happy being auto-sufficient without the need of a government.
You don't need a paper that says you're a human being to be a human being and enjoy life. This is why people who get the short end of the stick are usually happier than the well-adjusted, domesticated ones. That is, of course, after they get their shit together.
You sound like you don't read a lot because of your mental problems, but just sit down and start reading for fun even if it takes hours to finish a few pages. If you go at your own piece you will enjoy it.
Stop giving a shit and live your life the way you actually want to.
It could be worse, OP. I'm in the process of losing my mind right now. It's hard for me to put the pain into words.. Trying not to be dramatic.., But I'm losing all connection to reality. My thoughts are speeding up to form a blur of nothing but discomfort and confusion. Every second of existence hurts and I'm almost at the end. I'm only 21 too. It's all a result of experimental medication. They used me like a lab rat when I was a kid and I'm paying for it now. It feels like there's something in my head, eating all the feelings that try to come in. My brain feels like one big open cut.
I guess stuff like this has to happen to someone, right? Not all of us get to live the way we thought we would. It does suck though. My mom died when I was young and my dad left soon after. They started pumping me with meds shortly after that. It feels like I didn't get to do very much living.. Wish me luck on my trip through the void, guys. Listen to all the music you can for me because god knows I'm going to miss the fuck out of it.
>I'd like to hear that, whatever the production value
I could make it public on soundcloud but I feel like it would take away the enjoyment I get out of it if people were to start rating it.
The reason I made it private the moment I uploaded it is because it was really corny but it meant a lot to me, so I didn't care if people enjoyed it and there was no need for their approval.
Besides, I really hate how the music industry works nowadays, and letting that album be part of that would really sadden me.
Here come the conspiracy theories.
They were both psychos, but Euronymous needed to go more than Varg, and I would've also been extremely paranoid if I was in a scene full of crazy nordic nazis and one of them wanted to make a satanic ritual with my body in the woods.
You said everything I wanted to say to OP more clearly than me.
To add to your post, never forget where you came from.
Never forget what you've been through and the fact that you could've killed yourself.
Have full confidence in your actions and appreciate every single thing that happens from now on, but also learn from your mistakes.
I know how you feel, all this medication dramatically fucked me up as well, I never told anyone but I don't think I'm fertile anymore.
I remember being a teenager and being put on heavy antipsychotic meds because none of the meds who would supposedly calm me down were working and having a lot of pain in my lower region and a really weird painful orgasm for years with little no no sperm being produced.
I also can't do most drugs because I get disastrous effects and I think it has to do with years of medication, I ignore it and do them anyway which has been bleeding into my daily life.
Sometimes I just look at the wall and arabic or whatever language it's supposed to be starts bleeding all over my walls in a thick red neon color.
I should probably really stop doing drugs but I just don't feel like there's a reason to.
It's not funny man, this is what they did to us back when medication were handed out like candy to small children.
Are you OP?
That's good. See, you can still read and enjoy it, so the ADHD excuse isn't really that big of a deal, is it?
That's why you shouldn't try to follow what other people do. They read faster, sure, but does it really matter?
Any proof of that?
This board has a hard on for this man for many different reasons and you know it.
I got very ugly scars that remind me of where I came from and what I did to myself and I've seen what my suicide attempt did to my family.
Honestly having your 16 year old sister grab you and just yell why is something I'll never forget, I just couldn't blow my own head off when I was thinking about that.
Sometimes I get angry that I can't do it as I feel like it's their fault for loving me but that's just insane I guess, often I just wish they didn't love me so I could leave without making others feel bad.
I'm currently talking to my ex girlfriend and gave her a small bit of insight and apparently one of her best female friends got hit by a car and she said she's been very depressed as well and blames herself for her death, I can't imagine what she would do if I'd kill myself.
Also talking to this 17 year old friend of mine which I'm trying to bang, not because I actually want to but just the idea of being loved even if it's just for a night is something I really need.
I just need to be held and told that I matter, I need a little more than a pat on the back right now.
Yeah I'm being serious unfortunately. My mental state is becoming so bad I'm starting to have outbursts of muscle spasms and intense shaking. I never thought losing your mind could fuck you up physically but shit was I wrong. I'm at the end of my ride. My memories are all going to be sucked into a black hole and my body will be nothing more than a space holder, soon. It's really weird to think about becoming a 0.. But the pain reaches a certain level and existence becomes an afterthought.
I doubt anyone will give it a second thought.. But please guys..Never take your mental health for granted.. It can get soooo fucking bad. Worse than you ever imagined.
I'm scared there might be people I know in this thread for a a weird reason but it starts with a P.
I can read for a small duration but since i have nothing better to do I can read in small bits here and there, that's why I love HP Lovecraft so much since his stories are often prettty short.
Oh I'm sorry then man, I'm not used to that on /mu/ when most of the time we're all just bashing one another for our music taste.
Can I just quickly thank everyone for the overwhelming positivity so far?
I'm getting kind of embarassed because of it.
>Look at Varg.
>Get over your oneitis.
Assuming you're from the US, college might not be the best route for you. I don't know much about you, but a two-year technical school could be a great option once you feel ready. A lot of these institutions do a great job of helping you plan out a clear and simple career path. It's a great way to meet people-many of whom are probably similar to you-and can actually lead to a high-paying and satisfying career if you stick with it.
I'm not saying you should have Varg as a role model, just pointing out that despite the fact that he's a psychopath and that he went through prison, he still found a way to live his life the way he wants to.
If he can do it then why can't you?
Also, oneitis is an actual thing. Stop being an underage wimp and realize that there is no girl more special than the rest.
Fuck man, you perfectly described me. The fact that makes me hate myself even more is that I have everything I need to have a real, successful life. I have a family that loves me and one or two friends. I'm 22 and I was introverted since I remember. I used to be a great painter, everyone saw me as some kind of a wunderkind, but I ended up not pursuing art, the only thing I was ever good at. Now I'm on my third year on college, sucking really bad. I started really good, for a moment I thought I could be normal, but things started degrading so fast last year or so. I never did any drugs or any kind of medication concerning mental health, yet I feel like my mind is melting, bending and everything else you described. Things are getting really bad for me now as no one knows about this, but when I'm alone at home I start acting really fucking weird and I can't even control myself, like my brain is behaving very chaotic and I also have outbursts of muscle spasms and intense shaking, as you described. Now, this may sound funny, but I feel like I'm turning into a Super Saiyan 2 or something, but nothing happens. Afterwards I just fell dull for hours, I can't eat, can't sleep, can't talk. In a few hours I have to go to college, but I don't know if I can't make it.
Sufjan Stevens here. I love you all.
Why don't you do something you've always wanted to before you commit suicide? money obviously isn't an issue, I know depression might take away a lot of your motivation, but still. Buy a ticket to the next flight to Costa Rica or something.
Please don't do this, OP. Don't leave like this. But if you had to, I guess the last song I feel you should listen to is Sufjan Stevens' Blue Bucket Of Gold, because that is what I would make my final song for departure.
Fuck right off. Shitposting is to be expected on here but there is a line, which unfortunately your moral outlook does not seem to encompass.
Sometimes you need a serious discussion and I'm glad people can forget about the memes for a moment to actually, potentially affect a stranger.
It does sound like art could be your salvation. I went for Computer Science even though friends kept telling me to pursue Philosophy and my real interest lies in making music.
Now I also feel it's too late to initiate a radical turnaround but if you notice your very mind slipping, it's enough of a wake-up call I feel.
So get back into painting I'd say, even if it's just inconsequential private stuff. The payoff will most likely not be materially measurable at first or at all, but as long as you don't starve you're probably still happier.
You can fuck right off. This is not the board for help. I don't give a fuck about his problems. I want to talk about music not see a giant fucking thread about some dude offing himself filled with fags gushing to each other about their feelings.
Fine, no more OP in the namefield then, what a great person you are.
I've always wanted to make reasonably good money, I want to be able to support myself and any possible family.
I've lived with no money for quite a while and I never want to go back to that.
OP, stop whatever the fuck you're doing and read this right the fuck now.
Suicide is for cowards. You owe it to yourself and the people around you to pull yourself up and keep going.
Don't. Even. Fucking. Consider it.
OP I feel a lot of the things you've been going through. I'm really glad you didn't do it. The fact that you have affected me in this way and so many other people is proof that you do matter to me and to other people. I'm with you man, I'm happy to read that you're feeling ok. And I really hope you try to build your life again, even if you failed a million times before like I have. Please find some sort of solid long-term goal to keep you based (volunteering with animals? elderly people?). Please give yourself plenty of time and do it inch by inch.
OP and you'll always have us. You're never alone
ASMR voices help me relax by giving some kind of intimacy. They give my brain tingles when I listen with the volume turned up with headphones. They help me sometimes but it's okay if that's not your thing.