So I went hunting for the first time ever this week and I have a question. I found that of the 4 squirrels I killed, 3 did not die right away. I didn't give them much time to suffer and quickly gave them a life-ending bashing. How often should one expect to have to dispatch an animal when hunting? Did I fuck up or is that normal?
They are tough little fuckers. I felt sorry for them honestly. I doubt it was worse than getting eaten alive by an owl or dying from some parasitic infection, though. And they were tasty after being fried. I think next time I am going to bring along a bashing stick of some sort.
First you need to cover yourself head to toe in maple syrup. Since they're Canadian, the syrup will be familiar to them and won't cause them to panic.
Use the cover of darkness to slowly approach one of them.
Make your move, be deliberate but smooth. Grab one of the squirrels. Now pull out your large can of pepper spray, and spray it directly up the squirrel's ass.
The squirrel will inflate until it explodes, sending squirrel fur everywhere. Don't worry, you're ready for this.
Roll around in the squirrel fur quickly. Other squirrels will be coming to see why Greg just exploded. The maple syrup will be like glue, and the squirrel fur will stick to you. Make sure you cover every inch of yourself.
You are now a squirrel.
The other squirrels will be suspicious, this is where you need to be careful. If you just run around blowing pepper spray up the other squirrels asses, they will catch on quickly and attack.
Slowly gain their trust. It may take weeks even. Eventually you'll have to become the alpha squirrel. It will involve a man vs squirrel fight, but the other squirrels will not interfere out of respect.
You should be able to win this fight, and the former alpha squirrel will run away.
You now control the squirrels.
Since you're the alpha, you'll need to mate with the other squirrels. This is where your plan comes together.
Just as you're about to penetrate the squirrel, swap out your boner for the pepper spray. Just like you did to Greg, make that squirrel explode.
One by one you'll slowly eliminate the squirrels. Since you're the alpha, they won't question you.
Once you've killed all the squirrels, you may notice there is a lot of extra squirrel fur laying around. This is where your friends come in, covered in honey.
You now are all squirrels. You control the forest, and because of the rules, no one can stop you.
You have become legend.
Squirrels are often like that. Hell, years and years ago, I had one come alive in my back-pouch...almost shit myself. Just take something to smack them with. When I was a kid, I ruined the barrel of an old Winchester because I kept using it as my squirrel-smacker.
If you're in them thick and a decent shot, use the 22lr (and use good ammo). For shotgun, use #6 high brass and modified choke. That should cut down on the post-shot live ones.
If you get a clean head shot, then they won't even twitch when they hit the ground and won't feel a thing. Also if you do that you don't have to worry about the gut sack being punctured. I use high velocity 22lr ammo
Don't use a stick, use your hand. I hunt squirrels , doves and rabbits a lot. Often they don't die immediately. Best way to dispatch them is to grip the shoulders with the right hand, grip the head with the left and turn quickly in opposite directions breaking their neck.
Sticks just make a mess
I trap for a university and also do some wildlife disease research in a laboratory. This is the technique they teach us. It's called a cervical dislocation.
It seems a bit gruesome to learn at first but it really is the most humane way, I think. And all of the Animal Use administrative red tape folks also agree.
Squirrels are the biggest thing that I can get it to work on reliably.
You can practice on a freshly dead one. In school I performed it on mice that had been euthanized by N2 inhalation. In the field I've practiced on squirrels that has just taken a head or lungs shot.
Another thing OP and the rest of us should remember is that a twitching body doesn't necessarily mean that an animal is alive. I've seen squirrels with their heads nearly entirely blown away twitch for a while as their nerves muscles can have action potential left for a few minutes after their nut-loving soul has left it's mortal husk.
>Another thing OP and the rest of us should remember is that a twitching body doesn't necessarily mean that an animal is alive. I've seen squirrels with their heads nearly entirely blown away twitch for a while as their nerves muscles can have action potential left for a few minutes after their nut-loving soul has left it's mortal husk.
That had not occurred to me at all. I guess death is rarely pretty in any case. It is brutal and nature is hardcore and gruesome.