>Went to a Church group thing with my brother to try it out.
>We get there, go up to the door and it's locked.
>Go to other door and it's open.
>Go inside, meet people, other kids our age, it's nice.
>Everyone is....freakishly friendly. I have never met so many "friendly" people. I'm probably going to catch Ebola from all the hands I shook.
>My autist sense is going crazy, something isn't right. Kool-Aid is present somewhere.
>Shrug it off, me and brother go scope place out.
>Hang out, talk to people. Mostly girls.
>I'm standing around drinking a pepsi(vending machines, lel) when "Pastor Bob" comes to greet us.
>Pastor Bob begins to ask me personal questions, where do I live, what's my social security number, etc.
>By the end of it I'm convinced he's a faggot.
>I escape from him and go mingle with more girls
>See one girl, she's nice 8/10, other...much friendlier girl...is 4/10 fattie. But she'd be at least 7/10 if she lost weight.
>We eventually all sit down and preaching/sermon begins.
>I'm listening, bored out of my mind.
>Faggot next to me keeps verbally agreeing with pastor by saying "Yea!" and "Totally!" as loud and obnoxiously as he can.
>I ask my brother to stop the weird tapping noise he's making.
>Faggot sitting next to me becomes "That Guy", demands my brother put his Pepsi away because it's disrespectful.
>Resist urge to tell faggot to fuck off.
>Preaching rant ends, we go walk around.
>Meet friendly pair of girls. We both eventually agree, on a verbal level that this place is only good for meeting people.
>tfw I'll probably go again because women.
>mfw this is church.
Feel free to share.
church is badass i love church not for hooking up but because i am catholic (no not because i rape ppl) addendum : (no not because i get raped im too old for that they want kids not adults)
>being a protestant
>year of our lord 2014 anno domini
>year of our lord 2014 anno domini
>year of our lord 2014 year of our lord
>social security number
you fucking wot m8?
sounds like my 4 years at college
>no friends freshmman year
>sophmore year go to catholic church and met dozens of catholic girls and become friends with them. Eventually fuck 3 of them. Women are just looking for an excuse to meet guys and fuck them. When they meet dudes at church, then they can tell themselves it's ok if I happen to fuck them because he's the same religion and shit
>not attributing the year to the Lord twice
yes, that and taking social dance classes.
>traditional girls looking for a traditional man and dont like the degenerate bar scene but they still need dick.
seriously, take a swing, or tango or jazz dancing class. Yes you will look like a fedora faggot doing those gay dances but yes you will meet new women and dance with them and if you're not a total retard you will end up banging some of them
>Church of What's-Happening-Now
>Church of Hey Church Can Be Cool!
>Church of Bro-Pastor Who is Awesome and Everyone Likes Him and He's just so Friendly who ends up either Fucking Underage Girls or Killing Himself
>Living in a smallish Texas city
>My family is from the church of christ
>Dad wants to start going to church with me
>Why not? Good chance to leave my autist cave of a room
>We decide to go to a smallish church that's nearby
>its a black church, but there's some white people
>Place isn't "ghetto" but you can smell the chimp
>Most people there are old and tired, some, but very few kids, none my age.
>People randomly come and go, some never to be seen again
>the place is alright, but the preacher is one of those "angry" ones that yells really loudly during every service
>Keep going anyway
>One day this white girl comes in
>she has like 3 children
>she sits through one service
>takes her kids into the lobby
>takes pictures of them there
>randomly squats down to get a good picture of one
>she's wearing a red thong that's much higher than it should be
>she leaves with the rest of us
>never ever see her again.
That's not church. You see, Protestants aren't people. That'd be like me going to the largest comic-con and expecting to get to fuck every Cammy.
sounds like the Papacy has deployed extra shills to ruin the good teachings Protestantism / Lutheranism
we dont want your false prophet or your idolatry
European Protestant denominations
American Protestant denominations
>Churches of Christ
Daily reminder that Protestant degeneracy comes only from America.
>Decide I wanna try out other churches
>talk to this one girl who recommends on
>says its an "apostolic" church
>fuck it, whatever, she says its cool
>Decide to go
>Can't find it at first, spend 20 minutes looking
>google the address
>turns out its in a small building build behind a house
>redflags everywhere suddenly
>bring this up to her
>she says its k
>whatever, try again next week
>head over there with my dad
>get out, go back there
>I can hear them inside the room, chanting something and moaning
At this point I was like, what the fuck kind of satanic motherfucking cult did she lead me to?
>We're already in their yard, too late to back out now, dad giving me funny looks
>go inside, people are on the floor, in chairs, and all apparently having seizures, moaning some weird religious shit
>Its like God is making them perpetually orgasm
>weirded the fuck out, but we've been seen, really too late now
>everyone is dressed up REALLY fancy, like the pope is gonna come in any minute
>everyone immediately greets us
>we sit down quietly in the back and watch
The preacher came up after a while and gave a super aggressive sermon for like an hour and 30 and then they did more moan/pray/chanting things for a while, and we left, all of them saying they hoped we would come back.
Never did. EVER. I asked the girl what the fuck was going on and she stopped and never talked to me again.
-The commercialization of Christian fellowship
-The lack of community due to the huge, impersonal congregation
I'm not kidding about how fancy they were dressed. Fresh hair cuts, full-dresses and suits, shined shoes and rings, each one of them looked like a generic everyman/woman from the 50s. Each young couple had at least 3 kids, all of whom were dressed the same way.
They clearly hadn't had a visitor in forever, they all greeted us eagerly. Like, no shit, they all looked over at us and flocked to us while doing the moan chanting praying shit, each one shaking both of our hands in the most polite manners and introducing themselves with their full name. We felt so out of place wearing jeans and boots, looking clearly not as sharply dressed.
I could go on.
I went to funerals two days ago. I hadn't gone inside a church for a very long time, last time was in Santiago or some shit. I don't really believe in god or anything but the guy said he wanted to be buried there so I obliged.
Funerals were a tidbit obnoxious but pretty chill by catholic standards. They didn't overdo it. So anyways the mayor wanted to kiss the crying widow (frenchfag so nothing wrong with that), but they were on different parties during the previous elections and one of the members of the cabinet tried to interpose himself. What a dork.
>trying to disrupt the course of funerals over meaningless political arguments on behalf of the widow
>>says its an "apostolic" church
>>go inside, people are on the floor, in chairs, and all apparently having seizures, moaning some weird religious shit
>>Its like God is making them perpetually orgasm
This is what happens when you decide you're too good to listen to the Catholic and Orthodox churches, absolutely disgusting.
I've been to both catholic and orthodox churches. Never cared for them. I sticked with the church of Christ for most of my teenage years. I don't go to church anymore, but I do try to worship God in my own time.
I have no idea what the fuck kind of cult she lead me to, though. I mean like what the FUCK. And she genuinely did never talk to me again. She avoided me and blocked me on all social networking sites.
Oh! I totally forgot. I was in an internet based "christian" cult, once. You can still find them, shall I post about it? I have a lot of stories to tell, these guys were absolutely disgusting.
My mom made me go to this youth group for two years. Only thing it was good for was hanging out with the other kids. Towards the end we had to go on a retreat out to a church up in the mountains and spend two nights there. The dorms were separated by gender. The youth minister made the poor decision of leaving 20 teenage boys alone all night in the dorm. Needless to say, we fucked the place up. There was an insanely violent pillow fight which led to some real fist fights, and there was shaving cream splattered all over the walls. Also, someone broke into my room and spilled my secret bag of chips everywhere, which lead to an infestation of ants.
Our church is not allowed back to that monastery for 10 years.
Isn't all organized Christianity commercial?
Not that I'd rather go to a mega church since tight community is the entire reason to have church, but they're all just reeling in the money for the pope's or john wesley's golden toilet paper.
Maybe megachurches are just more honest about it? or maybe they just spend more money on the actual churches and people who go there rather than sending it up river?
OP here again.
That's why I said I like Catholic Churches, you can just go in, pray, nobody bothers you or tries to get into your personal business.
Just you and God. That's it. I went there because I wanted to meet people. Lmao.
Okay. I love this thread~
>Be like 14
>Constantly on the internet because FUCK having a social life outside of it
>Pretty naive and stupid
>Really just want something to give my life meaning, a religion, a belief, something, anything
>Find this forum where I find a guy posting
>forum is totally unrelated, he's posting on behalf of a guy named "Pastor Harry".
>Has a website. Literally this: http://www.satansrapture.com/
>Like I said, young and stupid
>check it out
>woah dude this is cool and abstract
>learn more, listen to him
>he directs me to a BTR showcast he does every week
>check it out
I was in this cult for about a half year. And I say "in it" very loosely, because I just listened to it and talked to other members online. I don't even know where to start...
>Just you and God.
But that's wrong.
That's the entire fucking reason we have Protestantism, because the clergy constantly powertripping on their monopoly on god.
The pretense that you can actually talk to god without a pontifex in Catholicism is blasphemy.
Protestantism was created to undermine the power of the clergy by saying "yeah god really does hear your prayers, kid, you don't need to suck a priests cock for god to know about your father beating you".
So lets start with this nigga "Harry"
>20something faggot, was on TV once
>He has very weird, very opinionated beliefs
>Believes "Santa" is a pagan god
>believes a bunch of made up shit surrounding his backstory
>Had this popular TV show, the name of which I can't remember, I wanna say mythbusters but that would be silly
>he burned a santa doll on live TV
>Believes the book of romans should be burnt, because it blatantly disagrees with him in a few verses
>Backs up all of his opinions with a made up "bible code" which only he is permitted to decode
>"I am the chosen one" mentality
>everyone gladly eats it up
>He believes people in some religions will be worse off than others when they die
>the worst out of all of them is "baptists" for no apparent reason
>He really, really fucking hates baptists
>talks shit about them constantly
>doesn't even argue their logic, just shit talks them
>Anyone who disagrees is silenced, labeled a troll and attacked in the chatroom immediately, sometimes up to 20 minutes after they were silenced
>I got silenced once for asking a question he didn't know how to answer
but it's the truth
why do you think it's called a pontifex?
"pontifex" straightup means "bridgebuilder" in Latin
they clergy is the only legitimate connection to god from the mortal realm
in this modern age church groups are only good for getting your nuts off. especially protestant.
if you are actually in it for piety (the minority) join the Catholic Church, one of those latin masses.. they take it seriously over there.
You should check out the website I sent you in the first post. Its fucking weird.
>He is full on "hurr durr illuminati!" mode.
>Blames the illuminati and obama for everything
>literally just about everything
>Even the fact not many people fallow him
>Think's there's some grand conspiracy against him
After half a year of listening to this bullshit, I finally outspokenly questioned it.
>Talking to the most active member of the "church" who I had befriended
>ask him some questions
>he just repeatedly tells me to have faith and disregard it
>send him a 3 paragraph long rant all legitimately questioning his "pastor".
>He ignores it and tells me to have faith again
>stops talking to me totally for months
And that's when I never went back. No one noticed I was missing, despite I was one of the most active of the group. Granted the group only consisted of around 10 people and many other unknown individuals.
>I was in an internet based "christian" cult, once. You can still find them, shall I post about it? I have a lot of stories to tell, these guys were absolutely disgusting.
Sounds a lot like /pol/ haha
>grandma wants to go to the church
>I was supposed to drive her there and help her
>like 20 hobos are sitting at church entrance
>ground there was stained from them and smelled like piss
>church was filled with old stinky people
>I had to sit to fat cunt that smelled like doom
>for like an hour we did actions that felt like brainwashing
>priest gave a moral about how we are supposed to help others in need, especially niggers and other shitskins in Africa
>the church was so cold I got sick
I am never going to church again. Fuck that cold stinky place.
I feel ya. The black church I mentioned earlier in the thread had like 7 fans on full blast and AC running. Room was like 40 degrees, and fat black women in the crowd acted like they were dying of heat exhaustion, while everyone else was freezing.
>Parents are super hyper-anal religious. Like, wouldn't let me watch pokemans and shit.
>Parents burned my yugioh cards when I was in elementary school.
>Going to a sweet ass church with a lot of cool friends.
>Church isn't insane at all, and the services are all nice and refreshing.
>Parents hear one sermon the pastor talking about "making peace with other cultures.
>Brings up some document he and a bunch of pastors signed about not being assholes to different religions.
>Parents think the pastor is a religious traitor.
>Force me to leave the church.
>Stop talking to my friends because the church is like an hour away.
>Become agnostic as a result.
>seventh day adventist
>worship on the same day jesus worshipped
>health message far ahead of its time
>mother fucking kellogs cereal nigga
>studies show we live longer because healthy as fuck
fitness is like half of what we talk about. our bodies a temple, and that temple should be built nigga.