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/pol/itically incorrect jokes
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/pol/itically incorrect jokes
ffs, starting a joke thread with no jokes?

here's one for free

what do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

nothing. you already told that bitch twice.
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what do you tell a clever blonde?

a golden retriever
What do you call the useless skin around the vagina?

A woman.
Why was Helen Keller unable to drive a car?

Because she was a woman!
what's better than winning gold in the special olympics?

not being retarded.
What does an she-abo use for a vibrator?

A stubbie fill with blowflies.
OK, Italian joke here, you must use Italian gestures!

A farmer put a pig in a sack, then put a bunny in, close the sack.
Inside is pitch dark and the bunny say: "It's so dark here, what are you?"
The swelling pig propose a game: "What if we touch each other and try to guess what we are?"
"humm... ok" say the afraid little bunny.
The pig start to touch the bunny: "Hooo, what a soft fur you have, and these are yours ears, so long... and that... your little and soft tail... I guess you are a bunny!"
"That's right." say the afraid little bunny.
The pig: "Now is your turn to touch me.."
So the poor little bunny start to touch the pig in the dark: "Your fur is very rough and curvy... and your noose so big..."
"C'mon, c'mon, touch more..." say the pig.
"Well" say the little bunny: "You really smell like shit, so I think I guess: YOU ARE A NIGGER!"
that was fucking racist, dude

the pig didnt deserve that!
> a little white baby dies and goes to heaven....
> and becomes an angel
> a little black baby dies and goes to heaven....
> and becomes...
> a bat.
Here's my favorite one from many moons ago
>what's the difference between a nigger and a bucket of shit?
>the bucket
Not for nothing they say that faith moves mountains, I saw what faith have done in 9/11
How can you recognize a Pole at a cockfight?
He's the one with a duck.
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>What do you call a black man in university?
A Janitor

>What is the difference between a Mexican and a book?
A book has papers.

>What's the difference between a Jew and a boy scout?
A boy scout comes home from camp.

>How many Mexicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just Juan.

>What's the difference between a black man and a park bench?
A park bench can support a family of four.

School is like a boner. It's long and hard unless you're Asian.

78% of black men like sex in the shower. The other 22% haven't been to prison yet.

>What is the difference between an illegal immigrant and E.T.?
E.T. eventually went home.

>What's the only positive thing about living in the ghetto?
Pregnancy tests.

Two Jews walk into a bar and ask for some water. Why? Because its free

Women are just like fine wine. I only like the white ones.

Don't be racist; racism is a crime; and crime is for black people.

> Have you ever had Ethiopian food?
Neither have they.

>An African American and a Mexican are in a car. Who's driving?
The cop.
what do you call a barn full of niggers?

antique farming equipment
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metal turbines

im a big fan
yesterday i was in the street

then i saw a nigger moving a tv

"that's mine" i thought

but mine is cleaning my room
why do Jews have big noses?

because oxygen is free
That sounds like an >>>/r9k/ joke.
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One from our old pal ghost:
>Did you hear? Money is falling from the sky so everyone in Israel is joining the air force!
I lost, well played anon
An Irish gunny DI in OCS told me this one

Why do Scotsmen wear a kilt ?

Because sheep can hear a zipper yards away .
How was copper wire invented?

Two Jews saw a penny on the ground at the same time.
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What is playing inside those head phones women are all wearing?

Tape recorded voice: breath in, breath out, breath in, breath out
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A child is born

They spend their whole life trying to give it meaning, trying their best to ignore the crippling reality that nothing they do matters and that their body is a prison until the sweet release of non-existence.
How do you call a person who speak two languages?
A bilingual.
How do you call a person who speak three languages?
A trilingual
And four?
And how do you call a person who can only speak one language?
An American!
A jewish cloth trader had caught his wife with another man in bed. He took the case to court. He explained that he doesn't care about the adultery; having sex is completely natural. But the other man had taken two feet of brand new cretonne to wipe his cock.
What does a Jewish pedophile say?

"Hey, kid, want to buy some candy?"
How long it takes for a black woman to take a shit?
9 months.

Why did Anna fell of the swing?
Because she has no hands.
Why she didn't get up?
Because she has no legs.
Why none help her?
Because she is black.

How many feminist it takes to change the light-bulb?
Feminist can't change anything.

Why blacks don't play as goalkeepers?
Because they are scared of the net.
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Two murrican turists go to Italy.
They like to hunt in the mountains and after a couple of day they have collected many games.
"We cannot return to town, we have too much too carry" say one
"Don't worry, we can call the helicopter, like last year" say the other.
Helicopter arrive, but the pilot start to complain: "too much weight, the helicopter cannot carry all these stuff!"
"Don't worry, last year we had even more game and stuff and we used this same model of helicopter..." say one of the murricans.
The pilot is not happy at all but he agree anyway.
During the travel the helicopter fall down.
One of the murricans exit from the wreckage and say to the other: "Look! We crashed in the same spot of last year!"
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pedophile bringing a little girl in the forest.
Pitch dark, no moon.
Little girl start complaining: "Boo, I don't wanna go, I'm too scared of the dark!"
And the pedo: "You are scared! Think about me then, I have to return all alone!"

I laughed
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A man and his wife are driving down the motorway when she says "Pull over, I need a piss".

"No way," says the husband. "Chelsea are in the Final, and if we don't rush back we'll miss kick off"

"But darling, I really need to pee!" She exclaims, crossing her legs.

"Look, sweetheart, we're not missing the game. If you can't hold it in just piss out the window for all I care. We're almost home."

To the man's surprise, his wife winds down the car window, sticks her legs out the gap, and pisses down the side of the motorway.


Paddy and Murphy are are the side of the motorway, hitchhiking. Suddenly, Paddy screams "Someone just spat at me," as something wet hits him in the face.

Murphy says, "I think he was black. You should have seen the lips on that cunt."
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This is the bit where I say "That's Wales!"
And you say "Christ, they fuck Orcas too?"
Alright, so a Muslim walks into a Cafe
>That t-shirt

What's purple and mows the lawns?

Whats black white yellow and roles down a hill? A maori and a seagull fighting over a potato chip
This isn't even a joke.
What's white on top and black on the bottom?


What's black on top and white on the bottom?

You mad, Amerifat?
>south africa

shitposting while niggers are knocking on your door to rape and murder your family? get it together.
How many jews can you fit in a sedan?

2 in the front, 3 in the back
and none in the ashtray because the holocaust never happened.
No. You miss understand. I'm saying that the joke was an anti-joke. It's true in a non-offensive way. Like 1-2% of the population speaks a second language here.
what's the worst part about being a black jew?
>they make you sit at the back of the oven
Well, if they are going to rape and murder his family anyway he might as well get some shit posting in. Besides, it's racist to stop them.
What do you call a black man with a peg leg?
> shit on a stick.
why haven't the jews made the holocaust into a religious feat jet?

the company that made the ovens won't sponsor it
What do you call Nelson and Winnie Mandela taking a shower together?

Gorillas in the Mist
Hell is where the police are niggers, the chefs Niggers, the mechanics Niggers, the lovers Asian, and it's all organized by the Jews.

Fixed that for you.

Australia, you crack me up.
Why don't niggers pay rent?
Because jail is free.

What's the difference between a black guy and an elevator?
The elevator didn't do anything to get hanged.

What's the difference between a black guy and an elevator?
An elevator can raise a child

Why don't niggers go on cruises?
They're not falling for that one again.

More? Only 1 of those was original
what separate the human from the monkey?
the Mediterranean Sea
>Why blacks don't play as goalkeepers?
>Because they are scared of the net.
didnt get that one
that is totally incorrect. like 20% of the population is hispanic
Two black friends see a signboard on a shop:
"Become White with only 50cents"
-Wow, I wanna be white!
-Me too, do you have 50cents?
-I have a dollar, I will go first and then I give you the change bro!
So the first black enter the shop
After 5 minutes the second black guy see a white man exiting the shop. He's his friend!
-Hey bro! This is great! Now give me 50cents!
And the white man reply:
-Fuck, I'm white only by 5 minutes and already there are niggers asking me money.
This is funny in the "damn that is retarded" sort of way

ladies and gentlemen, literally the most australian joke you could possibly get.
Why is israel a good thing for the muslims?
Its easier to wipe out rats if theyre in one place.

Whats the difference between a jew and a deer?
The jew is uglier when hanged on the wall after you finished skinning them.

Whats the difference between holocaust and 9/11?
9/11 actually happened.

What is the jews biggest fear?
White people controlled by white people.

What is a good jew?
A jew thats smiling, well dressed in jewish clothing while holding the torah, smells nice and hanged on the walls of my den with glass for eyes.
Why do jews have big noses?

Because the air is free

heres one:

what need is there of humanity?

there is no punchline
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What's the difference between a cake and a jew?

>A cake doesn't scream when you put it in the oven

Whats the similarities between a submarine and Madeline Mccann?

>They're both six feet under and full of seamen
A driver stop on front a gas pump and ask what's happening.
"An black guy has covered himself with gasoline and set himself on fire"
"This is horrible! And what all these people are doing?"
"They are making a collection for the black guy's family"
"And how much do they have collected?"
"20 gallons"
>implying niggers are polite enough to knock
Oh god, that one got me.
Mr. Ahtisaari, before becoming president of Finland, used to work as UN representative in Namibia as the country was coming independent. One time, he was to go for a fishing trip at sea with local policymakers. On the pier, there was a long line of men to escort these VIPs, and they were in uniforms of varied colors. Of course Ahtisaari, a polite man, shaked hands with everyone. When he reached the men in yellow suits, an assistant ran to him and whispered: "Don't shake hands with them. They are the baits!"
Un español. por fin.
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>le religion of peace and tolerance :^)
I'm not a racist, I have black blood...
on my car fender
What is the staple british breakfast made of?
Baked beans in tomato sauce, two fried eggs and a pork sausage in the bin because its not halal, Mashallah.
But that's reality.
xDDD le funny racism
racism is bad, get with the times
Why do black people wear such big shirts?

They're proud of all the cotton they picked.

What's the most confusing day in Harlem?

Father's day.
Why are Jews circumcised? Because Jewish women won't touch anything that's not 20% off.
Q: How do you know an armenian would visit you in 15 minutes?
A: You see a nose at your doorstep.

Q: Who invented medieval lance battles?
A: A guy who saw a jew and armenian running towards each other.
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Do you know the difference between a Jew and an Italian?
Me neither.

How do you kill 100 flies in one smack?
Hit a nigger in the face with a shovel.

Why is there only two handles on a niggers coffin?
Trash cans only have two handles.

What's the difference between a jew and a pizza?
The pizza doesn't scream when it goes into the oven.

How do you get a gay to fuck a woman?
Shit in her cunt.

How can you tell if a woman is about to say something smart?
She starts the sentence with "A man once told me"
What separates humans from ape?
-the mediterraean sea.

Why are niggers palms white?
-because there is something good in every human
New priest in the parish. Some girl comes for confession.
She: >I have sinned by giving a boy a blowjob.
After all her confessions, confused priest, doesn't know what to give her as her repentance. He comes to sacristy and ask choirboys.
Priest: >What the old priest gave for blowjob?
Choirboys: >a Snickers.
My dick is like an orgasm.
I've never seen a girl have one.
Auschwitz camp get a new jew:
-You are the millionth to enter, you are entitled to three wishes.
-I would like to be set free
-I would also my wife and my son to be set free
-granted, and the third wish?
-I would like the monopoly on the gas supply

What do you call 10 Aboriginals rolling down a hill?
>an Abolanche

When they hit the bottom?

How do you drown a thousand Aboriginals?
>wreck an oil tanker

Whats the difference between hitting a dog and hitting an Aboriginal with your car?
>there's skid marks in front of the dog
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Here's a real fucked up one my friend told me.

What's the difference between a dead baby and an apple?

I don't cum inside the apple before I eat it.
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As a young child, I had an unfortunate skin condition so I wrote to Jimmy Saville asking if he could help me fix it.

He replied saying he couldn't help niggers.
Kek't a little.
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>How do you get a jewish girl number?

You roll up her sleeve.
They dont speak english though...
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Any Asian joke's out there?
All I know are totally in-translatable
How do you get a nigger down from a tree?
You cut the rope.
An old but, time tested classic.
Always hear lots of black, Jew and Asian jokes what about some white jokes.

Are there any?

Q: What did the Mexican father get his son for his 10th birthday?

A: My bike.
White people are the funniest race, while a nigger would break your nose, a white man would make jokes about you.
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a boatload of regional joke from people from one part of my country Vs other part of the country but cannot be translated.
fuck you anon i'm laughing like an old geezer with asthma
>what is the difference between a nig and a chimp?
>the chimp can support itself without whitey
(one black to another black)

Yo momma so black
when she get in da car
the "check oil" light comes on.
A niglet is riding a bike outside town when his tyre went flat. He decided to hitchhike and after 15 minutes a truck transporting bowling balls stops. And the driver says: sorry, there's no place for you in the front, but you can climb in the back of the truck, the city is only 20 minutes away. So niglet climbs the truck and after 10 minutes the truck gets pulled down by the cops. "Licence and registration please", here you go, "please, open the back of the truck." So the driver opens the back of the truck and the cop immediately calls for back-up: I need back-up, I stopped the truck full of black eggs, one hatched and it's already stolen a bike.
Black guy came to my store and bought some polyester bedsheets.
That surprised me, since they usually pick cotton.
A jew farmer is shitting on the field. A quarter fall from his jacket, landing on the shit.
The jew throw in the pile others three quarters.
-For a quarter I wont put my hands in the shit, but for a dollar...
>terroni jokes

shit son, those can be very good.

An Albanian, a black and a Sicilian are sitting in a car. Who's driving?
A police officer.
What is it that separates monkey and man?
The Mediterranean sea.
Mostly regional stuff.
There are plenty of Norwegian jokes about Swedes being complete idiots for example. But most of them doesn't really translate that well.

>Why do Swedes bring ladders when shopping in Norway?
>Because they think the prices are so high.

Norway and Sweden is at war, and there is a standstill since both armies are hiding in the trenches.
One Norwegian has the idea to trick the Swedes to show themselves. So he Shouts out "Johan are you there?"
Suddenly several Swedes pops up from the enemy trench while answering "Yes, I am here"
The Norwegians then shoots them.
The battle comes to another standstill and this time a Swede shouts "Ola, are you there?"
A Norwegian shouts back while still staying hidden "Yes I am here, is that you Karl?"
Suddenly several Swedes pop up from the trench ans answers "Yes it is" and gets shot by the Norwegians.
Now that is a funny joke.
Theres exactly the same joke with Bavarians and Austrians in german. Only diffrence is Austrians are actually retarded.
Have you ever tasted ethiopian cuisine?

The Ethiopians neither.
Treffen sich zwei sympathische Deutsche
From what I understand, the Germans are only allowed to make fun of other Bundesländers because the wounds of WWII are still fresh.

And I can see the pattern, it's always the southern part of the country that is being made fun of. In Croatia, we make fun of Dalmatians and Montenegrins for being lazy fucks, Bosnia is a meme-land, two borderline retarded muslim friends, one being cucked by another. Also, we make fun of Slovenians and their tiny state.
Blacks aren't smart enough to know what that means.
A group of people, of various nationalities, walk into a bar. Each one orders a glass of wine. But, everyone has a fly in their drink.

The Englishman demanded a new wine in a new glass.
The Swede demanded a new wine into the same glass.
The Finn took the fly out and drank the wine.
The Russian drank the wine with the fly in it.
The Chinese ate the fly but didn't drink the wine.
The Norwegian took out the fly and went to try and catch codfish.
The gypsy drank two-thirds and then demanded a new wine.
The jew took out the fly, sold it to the Chinese and then the wine to the Finn.
The Scot grabbed the fly and insisted that it throw up everything it had drunk.
The Irishman ground up the fly into the wine and gave his drink to the Englishman.
The American sued the barkeeper demanding 65 million dollars for his suffering.
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