Post your unique feels ITT
>tfw a new oneitis develops
>pink haired girl in my sociology class at community college
>red flag, but don't care
>daydream about asking her out even though its unhealthy
>know I won't do shit
How are you feeling today, robots?
>fap furiously to her posts on her differente social media accounts
>ill never talk to her because I would never know what to say
>she ignores me completely because of this
>I will never haver her
>she will keep getting laid with guys in her city
>been weeks since I talked to my onetis
>she's probably still orbiting that one dude from her college, or something
>we used to talk about stuff all the time
>she used to tell me she loved me
And every time I look in the mirror I realize I'm the type of person that she'd probably call disgusting or sad if she really knew. Maybe she really got to know me, then.
>been playing music for almost two hours
>tfw it's basically a form of emotional masturbation at this point
>tfw an outsider watching me bash my keys would think I'm a madman (I'm playing with headphones)
>out by the university lake in the heavy fog in the evening, taking pictures
>ambushed by cute short chinese girl
>she asks if I would mind taking pictures of her in the fog
>"not erotic, just art" - she's a film studies student
>jump at the chance
>but it's too dark now to take anything useful
>swap contact details
>agree to wake up early next morning and see if the fog is still around
For fuck's sake, couldn't I have just this one thing
I am holding my Pokemon plushies and crying.
I imagine an universe where Pokemon exist and act like human beings (they talk and stuff like that), and they coexist with the latter (like a multispecies society, or just two different societies which live together in a peaceful way).
I imagine I live in this universe, and I have got some Pokemons as friends (people who care about me), and maybe a cute Poke-GF (fuck sex and bestiality, I just want somebody who loves and understands me. I would love a world without sexual intercourses). These Pokemons are more benevolent and purer than real human beings, in fact the humans who live in this fictional world will learn from them and manage a better society.
It may sounds like a manchild fantasy but I don't care, I can't stop to think about it, think that this perfect world could exist somewhere.
>20 yo khv
>meet girl on internet
>she's cute, kinda boring, but she's nice to me
>lives very far from my city
>I guess she have some kind of mental illness because of the guy she loved (she meet him on the internet too), like low self-esteem, mood swings
>text everyday, sometimes cute talk
>I kinda like her, but I had bad experience with girls before, so I'm afraid of telling my feelings to her
>5 months later
>she's telling me that she likes me very much
>she's the only girl that said that she likes me in my whole life
>tell that I like her too
>very cute talks, talking about our possible meeting
>1 month later
>she's telling that she doesn't believe that I like her, that she doesn't deserve it and something like that
>well, I guess it's her mental problems, doesn't give it too much of attention
>start to fell in love with her (it was a mistake, I know, but I can't control it)
>"anon, stop being nice to me, I want you to speak with me honestly"
>I'm honest with you
>"I'm afraid of your relation to me"
>It got me right in the heart
>What the hell are you talking about? You was nice to me, I responded in kind, and now you afraid? That's very cruel to me, because everything I said I said with all my heart
>"I didn't ask you to respond in kind"
>flared up and told her to go to hell
>she's just silent
And now I feel absolutely broken. I feel like it was a sick relationship from the beginning, and I did the right thing, but goddamn, she was the only one who said nice things to me in 20 years. I just want a girl that loves me the way I love her, with whom I can share my feelings, and she was like it at first. I feel like I opened my heart to her and she just used me and shit there. I guess if she ever had mental problems or she just wanted me to sympathize with her, while she tried to get Chad's dick.
Jesus christ, I'm pathetic.
>she sits next to me in Literature
>Nice hair, face, shoulders... everything
>Saw her outside of college a while back
>She wanted to borrow my phone to call her boyfriend
>Had a friendly conversation with her the other day
>felt good, even though I know it'll lead nowhere
the joke is, I'm not even sure if she was crazy. Maybe she just didn't like me from the beginning and she was sad because she can't get Chad and I was like a close and loyal (thanks to all this 'I like you' crap) source of attention.
>tfw my cousin is developing REALLY bad acne (pizza face, one zit the size of a dime)
>he used to be happier and talk about his friends & girls at school
>he doesn't talk about that anymore
am I witnessing the birth of a robot?
>go to grocery store
>buying one of those "Naked" drinks to spoil myself
>standing there unable to make any decision on the flavor
>mildly attractive normie around my age walks up quickly to look at me
>possibly deciding if i'm attractive or not
>haven't showered for a couple days
>didn't put on makeup
>he quickly walks away
>experience some relief that he didn't try to talk to me or look at me for more than a second.
>walk home with groceries
>see giant fucking iguana staring at me
>try to inch around it to get to my house gate
>it might tail whip me
>it decides to run
>feel victorious because i intimidated a lizard
>get inside and quickly relock my door
>proud of myself for not having my day ruined by a normie or a lizard
>celebrate with drink
>tfw I will never drop everything and travel across the united states with my friends busking for money
>tfw I will never be a carny
>tfw I will always be held by society and parental expectations of me
>tfw I will never know true freedom
>luck is always 100% bad
>whenever something can go wrong, or theres a 50-50 decision, or i order something, something always goes wrong
>dont even see the point to keep playing if theres no way ill ever win
>be me, 28 yr faggot
>like guy at work, let's call him chad
>overheard him say multiple times he's not gay but don't care
>still flirt like a motherfucker ever time I see him
>die inside when I see he's dating a female coworker
>bought caffeine pills
>some asshole had opened to package and took out some of the packets
>had to drive all the way back to CVS
>hit all the red lights there and back
Nothing fucking works, there is always something that fucking goes wrong. I have not been able to accomplish a single task in my life without something going wrong. Nothing is ever fucking simple.
>close enough to make her smile
>far enough to never feel her smile on mine
why does it hurt
>that feel when creating a homebrew setting for TTRPGs
>that feel when worldbuilder's block
>deactivate all social media
>live alone and only play ff xiv or lurk 4chins
>about to get a second job, I'll be working from 8 am to 12 am with +2 hours of commute
Can't even feel feels anymore...
>rejected by at
>sad feels for a while
>take time to get over her and talk to other grills
>eventually, repress feels and anything associated with her so much that I now feel absolutely nothing when I think about her
>now I miss even sad feels that remind me of love
>before at least I could imagine us together and how we'd be but now I have nothing
>3rd year of university, accounting major
>always a few qts in my classes every year
>everyone is really coy/sort of ignore eachother, nobody talks
>tfw no gf to go through university with, match schedules, go to class together, study together, graduate together
>never talk to anyone in my classes
>study alone for everything
>be at the library studying for test today
>guy in my class asks if i want to study with him and a group of people from class
>realize i've been doing this my whole life
>realize this is why i'm a lonely piece of shit
>put my headphones in and walk back to my apartment
>get drunk and wallow in self pity
>realize i've been doing this my whole life
too true anon.
>tfw loner mentality.
> tfw u will never have a proper Viking burial equipped with flaming Viking ship and virgin sacrifice to your honor
>have lactation fetish
>sister so excited about some package she sprays my back with her milk
I'm not sure how to feel.
>have several developmetnal disorders
>dad bullies me every day
>cant feel emotions properly anymore
>have no desire for anything
>nothing brings me pleasure
>even robots bully me
seriously considering laying my neck across the tracks T B H
It's my birthday and I fucked it up by staying up until 6 jerking off to porn.
My parents called me at around 9 and I was so tired I could barely talk to them and I felt like such a disappointing piece of shit
I'm my parents only son and I will never make them proud or amount to anything
>female friend of mine that i potentially might call my girlfriend moved in with my mom recently because i am neet loser living with my dad
>mom is considering adopting her
>shes calling my mom "mom"
shits about to get weird
Be sure to "experiment" with her like all good brothers and sisters do.
It's completely natural and health m8.
It shows you have a good relationship.
you're missing the point. we had a potential relationship before she moved in with my mom. Now that its coming to fruition, shes living with my mom and is probably going to be adopted, as a sister of mine.
Im essentially fucking my sister.
get out of here with your disgusting fetish you faggot
If it's not biological, why does it matter?
>have a oneitis that doesnt exist
>only in my head
>i wish she was real.
>finished high school
>no acceptance into any university
>no idea what im going to do after my gap year.
You're probably right. That's what hurts the most.
>coworkers are constantly inviting me to do things/play video games with them
>always decline because the more i accept the more they'll invite me to do stuff
>already have an adequate number of friends outside of work
>coworkers think that i don't like them
i just want to be acquaintances
>been talking to qt geology girl
>plan on weekend hike
>oh anon, let's pack a little lunch and bring a blanket for a picnic
>anon, I'll bring some wine too ;)
>heavy rains friday, roads blocked
>sorry anon, maybe in the spring
>Been daydreaming about an idea for a comic for months
>39 page long word document about it
>Constantly fantasize about seeing it actually succeed and even get an animated adaptation
>Imagine the Openings, imagine the action sequences
>Think about it for hours, adding more ideas to the document
>It feels like it's almost "done", that I can show it to the world
>Have many more ideas like this for video games too, always on my mind, developing over time
>tfw can't draw or program for shit
>tfw another day goes away without practice
WHY AM I HERE
WHY CAN'T I JUST DO IT
>be a robot
>decide to stop being a robot for the sake of my life
>it's actually easy to talk to people
>2 days in uni, i spot qt 9/10 that is in my class
>decide to talk to her because why not
>she actually laughs at what i say, thinks im funny
>we become friends
>i really think she is hot, and we have a lot in common
>2 months later
>she starts inviting me to do stuff after school
>i accept and we start hanging out and do shit
>fastforward another 2 months
>she wants me to go to the park
>i arrive, see her with a picnic
>we start talking
>just as we are about to leave she says she really likes me
>and then, fucking then, my robot brain made a click, it was like the cogs of a well oiled clock started working all of a sudden
>i really like her, but my autism made me start spilling spaguetti
>"i, i dunno what to say, femanon, i, i really li-"
>"don't say anything anon, it's ok if you don't like me, we can still be friends"
>we both left the park and as soon as i got here i am lurking /r9k/ again
and that's how my robot brain friendzoned me today
Why didn't you say anything?
My OCD has been growing so fucking much lately that I'm afraid of going insane. I can't even sleep. I'm afraid of answering my phone (when I was a kid someone called my home saying that my brother was kidnapped, it was fake, just a bunch of criminals trying to extort my parents). Every time it rings I panic. I've been cleaning my shit for two days in a row, even though I've already finished it. Every noise I hear at night I think is someone trying to break into my house to rob/attack me.
I've already been to a psychiatrist and took some meds. That was the most shameful part of my life. They treated me like a schizo, even though I have friends, a successful career and that I'm not an autistic faggot.
If anything makes me feel ashamed, I'll obsessively think about it for a long time until I feel like shit.
I just wish I was normal.
idk about busking, but being a carny is shit. A lot of my family are, and i did a few tours with them in school breaks when i was younger. literally 99.99% of people you come into contact with are scumbags and/or assholes (coworkers and customers), bosses treat you like shit, long tiring days, feel dirty all the time, and customers are terrible - always rude, obnoxious and disruptive, especially drunk ones. always loads of chads too.
dw anon, you havent missed out
>Every noise I hear at night I think is someone trying to break into my house
This was me for a long time, I don't even really know how I got over it.
I'm a heavier sleeper now so maybe that's what changed
My own current obscure feels:
- Whenever I'm walking to class and I notice someone is looking in my direction
I think something embarrassing has happened to me
- I really wish I could burn all my stuff and start over completely so that I could keep them
all perfect next time around
xoxo, you'll be fine mate
>on the verge of a breakthrough in research
>not spending enough time with people
>it'll be worth it in the end.......?
>at 16 my dad told me my great great uncle was werner von blomberg, minister of war in germany
>he was involved in the 6 gorrilion early in the game but no death camps
>I have the same surname, apparently a lot of americans changed their names to sound less german during the world wars
>some distant cousins are still involved in the nazi party
>trying to study for driving exam
>keep making lots of dumb mistakes
>cant concentrate at all
>feel dumb and worthless
>tfw don't understand combinatorics
>tfw can't under Ramsey Theorem
I dont even know anymore. The grind is too real.
Wait to become coherent enough to wake up
Wait for breakfast to microwave
Wait for the bus
Wait for first class to start
Wait for lecturer to stop fucking around and teach
Wait for something to come up that i diddent know to take notes on it
Wait for class to end
Wait for bus
Wait to arrive at home
Lift, waiting between sets
Wait for dinner to boil/bake
Wait for a good thread or a stroke of inspiration to do something, or a breakthrough in my very tedious midevil 2 game
Read, wait for good stuff
Stare at the ceiling, waiting to sleep
This is hell. Nobody deserves this. Nothing happens. It is not a struggle, nor a pleasure, but a distinct lack of either
I need a struggle, something to fight for or against
Or I need pleasure, something to keep me happy
But instead I have nothing. No purpose.
I WAS NOT FUCKING BUILT FOR THIS
>really want a female friend or two
>but not a gf
I dunno why I feel this way. I guess I'm just tired of having only male friends in my life.
> tfw your oneitis didn't actually like you enough to follow up with you like you thought
> tfw all that time you thought you just had to confess meant nothing, because he didn't like you like that anyway
> doesn't mean I won't get drunk and fall asleep to his voice tonight anyway
> this was almost 3 years ago
> god won't send me a new oneitis
>got flagged buying OTC pain pills by a pharmacist who works 2 stores
>over 200 pills in one week, large history
>all personal use
>paranoid about being arrested, nowhere to confirm legal status of this online
At least my liver is still healthy, surprisingly
Pick one anons.
A scene from the movie city slickers resonated with me.
The part where the cowboy explains that his love was more spiritual than physical in that he saw a girl of perfect beauty could have had her but instead rode off in the opposite direction yet he is still in love with her.
He said :"it couldn't have gotten any better than that".
I am inclined to believe I am in a similar situation.
On the one hand I have a nostalgic sense for freedom, I don't know why I just do.
On the other, I am in love with this girl, shes perfect. Not supermodel but highschool crush perfect, there is no one else I notice but her.
Sometimes I wish I could just pull a Davy Jones and rip my own heart out.
Its agonizingly painful.
I know I will outlive her because of certain conditions...
So should I suffer the pain of that or endure the hardship of love, or just suppress all emotion (I wish I could).
I feel as though I should just "ride off into the sunset" and let what happened between us (we had something, we might have something) just let it be and take it at that, appreciate what happened and know it wont get any better than that.
>tfw life's secrets are revealed through pain and suffering
>tfw those secrets only reveal pain and suffering
>tfw I would if I could
>tfw you introduced your best friend/girl you like to your guy friend that she ends up fucking two days in a row
>tfw that same weekend the other girl you've been talking to for a year goes Facebook official with her new bf. A month before this she asked you to hang and then bailed. I got drunk and told her I hate it how she fucks dudes that aren't me. She told me "Anon I don't fuck anyone".
>tfw you have to get drunk and listen to foxing to cry
It's been a rough week r9k
I desperately want to be a single point in my fantasy world.
I wouldn't have any kind of physical appearance, no dimensions. I'd never feel hunger, thirst, sexual desires, or physical pain. I'd be immortal and couldn't be killed unless I decided to leave my world.
I wouldn't have a sex or a gender, no masculine or feminine traits. I'd be completely alone and have all the free time I would ever need to think about anything I could ever want. Good thoughts and happy thoughts, but also thoughts of loneliness, self-hatred, and boredom.
And I'd be free to fly through my fantasy world made of brightly coloured polygons, pivot around them and observe their relative movement.
I've always wondered what it would be like to clip through something. Like in video games. I imagine it to be something wonderful. Satisfying and comforting, while also being terrifying in concept and the knowledge that everything you look at is hollow and can be passed through. And the physical passing through of an object may almost feel like trying to pass through a brick wall, but succeeding with relative ease.
I don't know. I guess that's an obscure feel in its own right.
Made pic related last night.
>tfw you notice your sexuality waning more and more each day
>tfw there used to be variety, I used to fap to different sorts of porn
>tfw no appetite for anything outside of foot fetish porn. The rest of it's fine and I still enjoy it, it's just not what I'd order.
Why am I so okay with this?
been thinking in that too, but in my world i just want to be a human being that doesn't have physical needs such as eating, sleep or even company, then i would lie down on an empty blank floor and just stare at the loneliness of the world i created, for what will feel like an etternity, then, i would recreate the world we live in with some kind of preprogramated beings that follow a basic routine and just roam between them, wandering if they will ever become self concious, until the end of my existance or self awareness
>been playing guitar for 6+ years
>can barely play anything that has more than basic chords or simple picking patterns
creativity is kill
I've been feeling this feel all year.
This is the worst 20th anniversary ever.
>be a loser commuter college student with no friends or family for hundreds of miles
>get nominated for a job at my university's writing center because a professor randomly saw something in me -- probably the highest paid, most prestigious adjunct position available to undergrads
>get the job
>only straight white male out of like 15 tutors, except for one textbook neckbeard
>he's a self-proclaimed philosopher -- I laughed out loud when he mentioned it at a team meeting assuming he was joking
>the only other guy is a socjus gay dood who follows me around and tells me everything, he's nice enough though
>work the first semester without any issues, I just put in my hours, go home, do my homework, and get black out drunk
>the second semester one of the graduate students starts getting friendly with me
>I knew her vaguely from before she became a big shot postgrad; we had a couple of writing classes and shifts together
>but now she wants to hang and smoke weed and shit
>one day she tells me she wants to see my apartment
>I live alone -- can afford it even though I'm fulltime student and work less than 20 hours a week because dead family left me some money
>she has a longterm boyfriend who is much older than us
>she comes over during her hourlong break at the end of my shift
>I'm super nervous for a bunch of reasons so I'm just torquing cigarettes on the porch
>she says she wants to see my bedroom
>jokingly says, "ooh, I'm in your bedroom things are getting sexual"
>I kind of just laugh it off knowing nothing is going to happen considering I have to drop her back off at campus in 15 or so minutes
>we sit on the couch in the living room and she says something like "your eyes are dilated, that happens when you're talking to someone you have a crush on"
>I really don't have a crush on her, she knows that I'm infatuated with a girl that transferred to a school closer to home a year ago, but I'd have sex with her anyways because I'm desperate
>I laugh that off too and after a couple more minutes I drive her back to campus
>she says she wants to come over after her shift
>so I go home, trim my pubes, get in the shower, and wait for 7:00 when the writing center closes
>she texts me apologizing profusely but she had to postpone
>I'm a little disappointed but I rub one out and get on with my night
>A week or so later, we're in the writing center during a slow shift and she is talking to another tutor who's also on during that hour
>this girl is like a 10/10 blonde with big tits and a bubbly personality
>engaged to her longterm boyfriend at the age of 24
>she openly starts talking about a couple of "hallpasses" she had
>for all you reeeee's reading this, that means she cheated on her fiance a couple times and does some weird mental gymnastic rationalizations to not feel guilty about it
>she convinces the graduate tutor that it's a nbdlol
>the 10/10's client comes in for a session so now it's just me and the graduate tutor talking quietly
>she asks me if I would date her if she were single
>I say no, i'm not looking to date or whatever
>she looks hurt and says, "but you would date Sheridan" (the girl who I mentioned earlier who transferred, jesus I'm so in love with her I hate myself for it)
>I kind of shrug
>then she says "would you have an affair with me?"
>I say sure
>"so you would hang out with me, we'll smoke and fuck," with the most intense bedroom eyes I've ever seen
>"can you be aggressive?"
>"are you good?"
>I actually said no, thinking my honestly would be funny or charming
>"I should let you practice on me"
>yeah you should
>anyway, my briefs literally have precum in them and I'm starting to get intimidated
>whatever, this development is exciting
>I'm a huge fucking loser so I've been incel since I lost my virginity in the summer of 2012 to a girl who was pretty much a stranger
>anyway, my shift was about to end so I was getting ready to leave but she had another hour or two
>she follows me out
>I ask her if she was going to come over after her shift
>she says, "I dunno, if I have one hallpass I kind of want it to be good"
>I shrug and just walk downstairs and out of the library
>she doesn't come over
>a couple days later she texts me basically saying "lol I was jk, sorry if I wigged you out"
>it's been a bit weird since then
>she probably told 10/10 everything
>dread going to work and class
>still have overwhelming suicidal ideations
>Tfw will never be a glorious armored Space Marine crusading in the defense of Mankind
>Tfw you will never smash alien skulls beneath your gigantic ceramite boots
>Tfw you will never tear down the effigies of dark gods and strangle cultists in their sleep
>Tfw you will never have your glorious armor drenched from head to toe in the warm blood of an entire vile alien species
>Tfw you will never die a glorious death defending human civilians from gibbering horrors and see your God Emperor smile as you join Him beside the Golden Throne of Earth.
This. So much this. I think having a gf would be nice. But thinking about how I have to commit time to her more than once a week turn me off right away. I want a friend with benefits that doesn't fuck around with anyone except but me. But that's just unrealistic.
>will never live out your life complacent just stealing shit and fighting
>tfw online oneitis
>tells me countless times she will never meet someone from internet
>keeps telling me I talk to much and to shut up
>cant stop talking to her
there is literally no way this won't end by me just getting blocked
>develop a crush
>shes practically my dream women
>speaks to basically no other guys and has no social media
>held hands, worn my sweater, put on my sweater
>laughs at my retarded jokes
>but she does some of this shit with her female friends
I don't know what to think honestly
>me and gf broke up (3. years.)
>moved out of our place back to my moms
>saw her on Halloween and did the deed
>next got laid off from work
>now jobless, girlfriendless, and live with my mom
>at least I've been working my way through bloodborne?
Just feels weird tbqh family....... I'm not even hating on neets that live with their parents. Just my whole life up and fucking died in the space of a month...
just go for it dude
like, just say, "hey x, wanna get a coffee sometime"
see how she reacts
if she seems weirded out by it or politely declines or seems confused as to why you would ask, you know she's not interested, but it's still innocent enough that you won't look like a total retard
if she does go with you it doesn't necessarily means she's interested but if a girl wants to make specific plans to hang out with you, by yourself, ahead of time.... i'd say you at least have a shot
best advice i have
How about something a bit more like a haunted house? It is a bit after halloween but i think it'll allow for more contact, and im pretty sure she'll stay hugging me the whole time
it either means she is interested to some degree or that she views you as such a platonic, non-sexual being that she feels safe acting that way towards you
so it's a gamble
>Hoshi no Samidare still doesn't have an anime adaptation
>It'll never have anything ever again
>Symphonic Rain will never get anything again, either, because Ritsuko Okazaki died in 2005
>Anime like K-On will probably get another season given enough time
I can't base off her feelings towards me baded off other guys because she doesn't really talk to other guys, and she has no social media. I have seen her basically shut some ugly guy down though
>have qt gf
>in committed long term relationship
>haves tons in common with her in terms of personality, not so much for interests
>new qt at work
>great chemistry, share interests, personalities don't mesh as well with my gf
>work qt starts to show interest in me
>start hanging out together outside of work
>end up together in a motel room getting drunk
>she most likely only wants to fuck me
>TFW I don't know whether to blame myself or not for some of the problems in my life.
>tfw I might have been able to avoid a lot of the bad things that have happened to me by doing simple things or making slightly different decisions.
>tfw ashamed of myself in public, constantly feel like people are looking at me in disgust or disapproval, wish I could just turn invisible at my own free will
>tfw I will never be part of a highly advanced civilization
>tfw I was never the best at anything.
It's been 7 months since I've seen any friends in person and about 9 months since I've 'gone out'
I don't know what to do
Seriously what am I meant to do in this situation, how do I get out of it?
feeling weltzschmerz-ish today. You may try all you want, dedicate your whole life to it, but you'll never satisfy the demands of the deep part of your brain, and the outside world won't ever help either.
There is this part of you who constantly generates needs, like sex from a specific girl or job-related accomplishment, and once you satisfy those needs, new one will appear, in a neverending cycle.
The physical reality and its interaction with you is limited and superficial. The demands of the mind are unlimited and complex.
It's angst-worthy, although human progress as a civilization depends on it.
tl;dr gazing at the horizon and contemplating the endless ocean, know it is nothing compared to the virtually infinite emptiness inside yourself
>girl texts me
>"Hey soo I know alpha is over and stuff, but we should totally still hang out sometime :)"
>(alpha is my uni's orientation group thing)
>have literally never had this happen to me before
>wait until the next day and just text "Yeah"
>realize that I don't even really want a girlfriend, or even really want to interact with other people at all
Sort of similar to me
I try hard to impress people then when I discover someone actually likes me I just start ignoring them until they start hating me then I get depressed because they hate me but they only hate me because I wanted them to hate me
>tfw join the army
>tfw family and friends and everyone you know finally respects you
>tfw you start to text and call less and less until you hardly ever speak to them
>tfw your gf can't handle the stress of always worrying about you and starts abusing stimulants to talk to you and do schoolwork but her grades start failing
>tfw fake own death to eliminate all the negative impact you had on your gfs life and allow her to progress in life
>tfw family has no problem just ignoring her asking where I am
>tfw I haven't turned on my phone in 6 mo
>tfw she went to rehab and got clean and her grades massively improved
>tfw being medically discharged for trying to an hero with no benefits or college
>tfw people hate me for being a soldier when I fix air conditioners and have never deployed
>tfw dad scraped "Proud Army Parent" bumper sticker off his car
>tfw wake up and eat enough xanax that I black out for most of the day at work so I don't have to remember what my life is like
>tfw taking it one day at a time
its actually not even that bad
>tfw a picture of me ended up in a /pol/ video that was trash talking normies
it's a weird feel just finding a random video on youtube that shit talks you
>fall in love with places, not people
>have deep connections with places
>lie to parents about still having job and collecting unemployment
>go out every day to museums after job hunting
>three months of this
>fall in love with all of them
>get a job offer in another state
>too good to pass up
>cry thinking about my museums sometimes
>don't have time to go out to them because work keeps me very busy and my home town visits are short, family monopolizes them
She can't write letters, she can't call me on the phone.
I haven't seen Her in almost four years now.
I know I am pathetic, but it's a sadness I can't explain. And it cuts deep.
>tfw you want to feel but your feels won't come because they're too heavy to bear so you go to bed at the end of another night hoping you'll be able to sleep all right
>tfw struggling to keep to a schedule and not get into car crashes daily because of not being able to focus
>tfw anger issues
>tfw drawing level of a 5 year old but will be required to draw things for uni
>tfw trying to bulk but I have no appetite