ITT: Embarrassing stories
>Worked at the local zoo when I was 16
>Walking home on the usual shortcut path
>Path is narrow and fits 2 people side to side
>Path is not well lit, and is usually empty
>on this night there is a woman walking on the path
>Shes walking slow as fuck, I want to get home and eat pizza pops
>Speed up my pace so I can pass her
>As a pass her she shrieks and pulls something out of her purse
>Pepper sprays me in the face and runs away
>Leaves me on the floor writhing in pain
>Eventually get up and waddle home, half blind and crying like a bitch
>Stick my face in the tub and go to bed
I couldnt bring my self to tell my family
>first day of college
>professor reads names off the roster for role call
>a couple are called and no one responds, assume absent/dropped
>my name is never called
>professor finishes and says "anyone i missed"
>i remember one of the names earlier that got no response
>raise my hand "uhh...me" and give the name
>professor looks at me probably thinking i'm a slacker faggot that can't even bother listening during role call
>go by "adam" the entire class when we do the name-game and introductions
>never return to the course
>get an email a week later before the final deadline for dropping "anon, there was a mix up on the roster the first day, but we got that sorted, but you didn't show up all week so this will be an automatic drop"
>mfw no win situation, either confess i pretended to be adam or lose the money and have drop on my transcript
>way back in school
>have a dark sense of humour
>history class about Nazi life in Germany
>we had a combined class one day for some reason, so 60 odd students.
>watching a clip of SS slaughtering jews
>a fat woman is naked and is being beaten with a buttend of a rifle
>they then kick her into the mass grave
>her bouncing body and flab made me snort and giggle quite loudly.
>the entire fucking class turns around in absolute disgust
>the teacher pauses the video and just stares
>the lights turn on
>i am right in the middle of the fucking class feeling the eyes of everyone glaring at me
>after 30 seconds I just get up, hold my hands up "alright I er.. I'll go" and walk out
>put into isolation for a month
I'll never forget that day, if looks could kill I would've been mutilated there and then.
Hello Reddit, please go back to /r/4chan.
>elementary school talent show
>young me wishes to be a concert pianist
>ready to prove myself to the world by playing my one-handed rendition of "ode to joy"
>kid right before me just does an incredible rendition of fur elise with like 3 solos
>realize how fucked i am
>want to leave
>"sorry kid, you're next in line"
>go up on stage
>audience is waiting
>too late to escape
>forced to live up to the hype
>take a deep breath
>starting off smootly, things are going well
>fingers twitching as i try my best not to fuck up
>about to finish the song when i hit a sour note
>audience is silent
>run off stage yelling "im embarrassed" over and over again
>principal has to go outside to calm me down
>parents have to smile through it
>disappointment level: over 9000
And that's how I lost all my confidence until I was 23.
>1st day of chem lab
>sit at a table expecting no one speaks to me as usual
>a cutie girl sits next to me and starts conversation with me despite the fact that there are some chads in the room
>laughs at my jokes, grabs my arm and all that stuff
>asks me to be her lab partner, couldn't believe my luck I was so happy
>teacher arrives and ask to open our manuals
>realize everyone else's manual has a different cover than mine
>turns out I'm in the wrong lab, mine is adjacent to where I am
>start to panic, and as soon as the teacher gets distracted I grab my stuff and leave without saying anything
>didn't look back but I can feel she's watching me leave
>never returned and failed the class, I can't even remember her face anymore
>Teach let's us listen to music when hes not lecturing
>I don't wanna wait in vain, comes on
>2 minutes, 40 seconds in
"In life I know, there's lots of grief"
>Oh fuck here it comes
>The best part
>2 minutes, 45 seconds
"But ya love is my relief"
>Oh god oh god oh god
>It's inevitable at this point
>I just accept it
>2 minutes, 50 seconds
>"Tears in my eyes burn, tears in my eyes burn, while I'm waiting, while I'm waiting for my turn!"
>Realize it was all out loud
>Everyone is looking at me
>Tears in my eyes start to burn, literally this time
>Grab my shit and leave from embarrassment
I mean I totally killed it, but it's still pretty embarrassing. I hate being an autistic faggot who can't help but sing along sometimes.
If somebody says something tomorrow, I'm dropping for this semester.
>Be in class
>Have to watch The Pianist
>The scene where the nazis throw a man in a wheelchair out the window comes
>Cannot contain my laughter
>Realise how fucking bad this is
>I could get isolated forever
>Still can't stop laughing
>mfw other people start laughing at it as well
This is how you find your kind.
I don't really have much. I did spend every spare period in my senior year of high school pretending to sleep in the cafeteria while actually crying quietly, but if anybody noticed they didn't say anything.
>wrap skirt with a tie
>ignore, keep walking
>something feels weird
>people staring at my legs and smiling
>nudging each other
>reach down to feel legs
>yep, skirt gone
>panic, look all around
>skirt is nowhere
>someone either tugged the string in the crowd or it loosened on its own, then someone picked it up
>looking around frantically
>center of attention
>lots of laughter, older girls saying "aww don't make fun of her"
>nobody helps, hot outside so nobody has extra layers
>speed walk back the way i came, busiest part of school
>running shoes, socks, short shirt, white fruit of the loom package briefs
>UNMISTAKABLY my underwear
>it was old too
>seeing so many people from classes
>head down, crying
>get to office
>have to wait in chair
>cute boy i know comes in, sees me crying in my underwear
>principal gives me gentle lecture about secure clothing
>wear old shorts from lost & found that were falling off my ass anyway
>everyone in school saw my underwear
wish i was exaggerating
>go to dentist to get wisdom teeth out
>still drugged up after
>start telling the dental assistant about how a girl broke my heart and how I've had suicidal thoughts for the last ten years and how I hate myself and just wish I'd been born normal
>pretty sure I actually said "You're lucky, you were born a normie."
This is a story for tumblr, "fembot".
Wow, that makes mine look like nothing.
>always been really clumsy
>first year of high school, have a class upstairs
>wore a skirt because it was part of the uniform
>going up the stairs on my third or fourth day
>it catches on something
>trying to get it off
>lose my balance
>fall down the stairs I just came up
>hear a tearing sound as I lose my skirt
>sitting there dazed, bleeding from my forehead pretty badly, in my underwear
It really set the tone for my entire high school experience.
>research urethral sounding
>sounds erotic and fun
>don't have any sounds
>grab some q-tips
>shove a q-tip in my erect dickhole like 1 inch
>MUH BURNIN PAIN
>dick hurts like fuck, take it out
>cry for a bit while rolling around on floor
>later read that need smooth metal and lots of lube
>pls kill me
>>later read that need smooth metal and lots of lube
i had it done to me when i was six years old because they needed to put some radioactive dye into my kidneys to see if there were any problems.
ill tell ya whut m8, it fucking hurt and it was traumatizing.
I was too weird to have things easy. The other girls spread rumors about me or beat me up, and the guys pretty much all ignored me. My older brother's friend who stayed an extra year helped me out in my first year but then he graduated.
>see nuclear sign
>know thats not good
>go into big blue lit room but mostly dark
>get put ontop of table
>women holding up a plastic tube says to me "were going to put this inside your penis"
>suddenly full blown meltdown
>running and screaming trying to escape
>watching Gone with the wind in class
>Two day thing
>didnt care about lame movie so I just decided to sleep on both days
>wake up a bit groggy in the middle of the movie
>Screen is black
>hear screaming ""NO DADDY NO! STOP IT!"
>thought I was just thinking to myself, but actually said out loud "whoa, hot"
>Lights in the movie turn on, the girl was actually a loli, and the daughter of the MC
>it wasnt a rape scene, it was her having a nightmare
>jock chad next to me says "dude, the fuck?"
>Start to panic and get red faced
>put my head back down and pretend to sleep
>dont know if anyone gave me dirty looks or not.
I didnt have any friends anyways, so I wasnt treated much differently and no one ever commented on it.
I don't really get talked to at all and I'm usually really quiet when I do speak up so a lot of the time people don't even notice. Probably doesn't help that I look like an unkempt teenage boy.
>2012 University english class gen ed
>The faggot teacher makes us watch the daily show or john oliver or some shit so it's pretty cool.
>Shows a segment from the show on Russia or some shit
>cut scene to a neon sign of Obama eating a banana
>everyone looks at me
"IS RUSSIA RACISTS"
>or some shit like that
> everyone looks at me, state school so gen eds is 80% coon.
>sit and not look at anyone the rest of the class.
At least you didn't
have an orgasm during your cytoscopy
Before you say that's a good thing
>had to try not to make noises
>teen years, first time
>try to say it was from pain but it was obvious
>urologist visibly disgusted and uncomfortable
>'Take some paper towels, there's a lot of moisture down here'
>never return to office ever again
I have a condition that use to cause me to get cathed a lot as a kid, so maybe that's where it came from, I don't know.
>family doctor retired when I was in high school
>only doctor in town now was my cousin
>she was older than me and I had the hots for her
>had a weird lump on my testicles, was scared
>bring it up, figure she'll just know what it is and tell me
>she has to feel my balls
>she's cupping them and feeling around trying to find it
>I feel something
>beg my cock not to do this to me
>cock disobeys me and goes renegade
>it's roughly at her eye level so she definitely sees it
On the bright side the lump was benign.
At least you didn't make noise
>Have to get a finger shoved up my fucking ass
>I don't know if it was just instinctual but I started wriggling and spouting nonsensical stuff like "Oh golly, gee wiz."
>Few times ive ever been disgusted in my self
>afterwards doctor just tosses me a box of tissues like I'm a dirty whore
I might have. Her assistant refused to make eye contact with me, and she didn't come back to 'follow up' after I got cleaned up and dressed. It was extremely embarrassing.
I haven't experimented with sounding since, however. I'm too scared of fucking something up down there.
also I'm a grill. I can't imagine what it's like having MORE urethra to cath.
I see what you did there, and I'd probably laugh if I wasn't still mortified about almost poking my hot cousin in the eye with my erection.
If she'd had to look much long I definitely would have cum, too.
Holy shit, I can't stop laughing. I'm so sorry, but you made my fucking night.
Fine, really. She's still my doctor. Don't really have the hots for her so much anymore because she's started to resemble her older sister, shapewise, especially since she caught her boyfriend banging some other chick or whatever. What I'm saying is she's fat. Like really, really fat.
>just out of high school
>nerd but had poor grades because games
>attend community collage
>lot of girls and new people who don't know me
>cool, time to make a fresh start
>teacher asks us bring in music we like and expresses us as a person
>bring in coolios gangsters paradise single on CD
>play it to whole class
>release how stupid my choice was half way through the song
>I just want the it to end.
>people looking at me like some loser
>dropped out the next day.
>high school sweetheart is a studious girl I'm captain of the football team
>she told me a story about a teacher
>tell teacher the story
>teacher tries to remember but can't
>ask her about it she told me the wrong teacher by mistake. We kek.
>see ex fwb on POF
>tell my boy about it
>he says lol what's her name bro
>tell him his gfs name by mistake
>we both laugh about it and I remember the proper name but I was red in the face for 10secs was hella embarrassing
>fucking hot Persian girl with big teddies and round ass
>she gets her period on my dick
>she sucks the blood off my dick and I come in her mouth
Most embarrassing things always happen to me I'm socially awkward bro.
>get on bus
>listen to sexually violent raps by necro on my phone with headphones
>headphones unplug phone drops
>some really hot girl picks it up and giggles "looks like I just found a new phone"
>automatically stopped music after unplugging headphones
>get tongue tied mumble something halfway polite
Life goes on. Phew what a near miss.
Laughter is also an escape mechanism when in front of something horrible that a lot of people have. Does not mean they enjoy others suffering, its just a way of dealing with it without succumbing to despair themselves.
I had to watch that same movie and also thought that scene was hysterical. Thankfully I was self-aware enough to realize that if I audibly chuckled I would be seen as terrible.
Shit movie, by the way.
They must hear all kind of fucked up shit in that job but that day had to give them some abstract kind of feels.
In 5th grade this girl was crying in class, and the teacher asked her why she was crying, and she lifted up her finger tips that were covered with blood. The teacher came over and looked at her orange chair that had a tiny pool of blood on it.
no one sat on orange chairs for the rest of the year.
Should have walked in like this dressed up and played "Amish paradise" instead.
>sat by myself all four years of high school
>did homework, read or put my head down
Even the kids who wore trench coats and Naruto headbands had friends. I'm just different. I don't fit in anywhere.
What the fuck are you, Mr. Flanders? Oh lord my sides are orbiting Neptune.
It's alright, girls do that too.
Go away cumdumpster. I'm sure you recovered from that and went on to have intimate relationships and friendships with those peers. Your story isn't embarrassing, what's embarrassing is that you think you can fit in or relate here.
I did this in high school, i pretended to be a girl named taylor since she missed a few days of school, it was near the beginning of the year so the teacher didn't know our names yet, it was really awkward when she finally showed up.
Jesus Fuckin Christ! Is this what americans are being taught in school?
Let me guess, they told you it was a genuine WW2 movie captured by allies?
Holy shit, and you actually got isolation for laughing at the most ridiculous form of propaganda. I have no words.
I thought the people on my table would find it funny since they knew my name from middle school and i didn't think she was ever going to show up, the worst part is that when she did show up, her seat was right next to mine.
i think i can top this
>period comes out of nowhere
>bleed ALL THE FUCK OVER my pants
>like all the fuck over
>try to just pull my shirt down but its too short
>go to computer lab, have to get up and move seats
>boy that takes my seat goes and tells teacher theres blood on it
>teachers slips me a note to go to the office
>go to office and get huge shirt from lost and found that covers pants
>literally everyone laughed so much at me
>one of the most embarrassing moments of my life
>hook up with coworker
>get ready to leave
>she comes with me
>her mother is sitting there
>asks me some bullshit
>just say 'thanks for having me'
stillcringe at it jesus christ, but in hindsight is fucking hilarious
>you will never be a turbo autist with his own group of autist friends who is too lacking in self awareness to feel bad about himself
These kind of people probably do well in school too and can achieve something useful like a degree in CS. It doesn't matter how much everyone laughs at them. I can laugh all I want, but in the end, they are superior to me. They are happy and probably contribute more to society than I do.
>7.5/10 small cutie my age likes me
>She wants to date me
>I get all sort of berserk because she doesn't want to meet so often (didn't make an effort for us to go out regularly and shit)
>Doesn't really stay too long talking to me, escapes for 5-20 minutes after every message
>Too beta to realize she is busy with some school stuff through all this weeks
>one day get angry through my day and feel bad because it's like she doesn't want me at all by the way she is being
>Tell her i don't feel anything for her
>After some days she tells me she has moved on and blocks me on social networks
>Still miss her because she was the closest i got to a kiss or gf
>Got rejected by 2 girls who could have been interested in me if I wasn't a fucking beta when I was 15
>Then rejected a 5.5/10 girl with a great body who was interested in me because I didn't want to settle down
>In the summer we hang out a lot and actually ask her for a kiss
>We then kiss/foreplay for the next few days before I move out of town with my family
>Never had sex/relations with girls at 23
>watching boy in the striped pajamas in highschool
>gets to the part where nazi guys kid goes into gas chamber
>lose my shit and start laughing
>people give me dirty looks
>just keep laughing and tell them to deal with it
don't act like a pussy
>at high school
>laughing with people
>suddenly alarm goes off
>dead silent lunchroom
>I yell "AW SHIT"
>it literally echos
>a whole lunchroom looks at me
>I just leave
>at a party
>get offered dabs
>I don't even smoke weed
>take a fat rip
>everyone in the room turns
>"oh my god that was beautiful"
>everyone is stunned
>I proceed to lay on the couch
>nobody touches me at the party
>"she just looks so comfortable"
>be closeted fag
>collectively playing the sims 3 with two female friends
>making the sims do retarded shit, having a good time, etc.
>we get bored, choose a different game
>one of them suggests skyrim
>"uhh... isn't that one player"
>they say they don't mind watching me play
>being smart as fuck, i prepared for this eventuality by uninstalling all my nude/sexual mods beforehand
>make some character, so far so good
>escaping the intro area, kill a guard
>see if he has any good armor or weapons on him
>take his armor
>his giant dick flops out
>mfw the mods weren't uninstalled
I ended up saying "haha, I guess those mods my friend installed as a joke are still there"
>go to bubble tea shop
>tea is sealed like pic related
>have to puncture it with straw
>somehow the angle/speed i try to puncture it with ruptures the side of the cup
>milk tea spewing everywhere
>girls at a table say "oh my god" and get up and leave
>nice asian server insists everything is ok while her coworker goes to clean the flood of tea off the floor
>makes me another drink
>"here, i'll put it in this time"
>Need to pee
>Can't. Pee all over my pants
>Get up to ask her i can can finally go to the bathroom
Had to wash myself in the sink and wear the pants i had for gym commando style.
Needless to say my bollocks were in full view for the rest of the day
>"Don't you guys hate when you rob someone and their dick flops out? Thank god mine looks better than that".
>be me at primary school, 10 years old
>big kid 4u
>playing british bulldog, you have to run from one side of the field to the other without the people who are 'on' catching you, once you're caught you're on
>try to be sneaky, will walk half way and when they see me il run
>start running, girl chasing boy on my left, don't see them
>boy runs past me
>girl runs straight into me
>bounces straight off me, falls on floor
>i keep running, dont want to get caught
>next day in maths
>shit at maths, on table by myself because no friends
>old lady teacher comes in, says "is annon anonson here?"
>put my hand up "oh so you're anon, ive been looking for you. don't you know you broke femanons shoulder yesterday when you pushed her over?"
>"you did, and shes in hospital now, just letting you know" "thank you miss (to the other teacher)"
>everyone mutters, i go bright red and put my head down on the desk, want to die
>already get picked on
>life made a living hell from here on
Old lady teacher got in trouble for this, and she died of cancer a few years ago so i win i suppose.
>Go downstairs in the morning to make breakfast
>Sister and her friends sitting around the table
>Get really nervous
>Obviously decide I will no longer be having breakfast
>Nervously start to make tea
>Ask if they would like tea
>They all say yes
>Have to make tea in front of my sister and her friends
>Think of a really funny joke right there and then
>Make them all breakfast tea
>except the fat one
>make her green tea
>put the teas on the table one by one
>''hey, why did you make me green tea?''
>''bbb-bbecause that tea isn't green with leaves it is green with envy because I ejaculated in all the other teas''
>try to laugh
>notice nobody is laughing
>apologise and go upstairs by myself
>come back later and there are 6 full teacups
i dont even know what to say...
have a steve
This happened to me on Oblivion with my
11 year old cousin. I managed to whip the camera away at lightning speed but she burst out loud laughing and saying "Go back, go back, that guy looked like he had a willy!"
I made up some bullshit about his arm clipping through his leg and immediately switched to another game. I hope to god she never told her parents thinking it was funny.
>mfw the mods weren't uninstalled
good violence against women story. here's mine.
>watch lots of "violent" cartoons
> e.g. GI Joe, Dino Riders, etc.
>As you know in all these sorts of shows women are always captured and pushed around by teh bad guys before being rescued
>at school play ground
>playing by myself that i'm a bad guy
>walk up to closest grill
>"We don't need weak women on this starship"
>push her to ground
>She scrapes knee
>is wearing white leggings like little girls do
>tons of blood
>later my mom, who is a teacher at the school, asks why i pushed her
>say something dodgy and mutter
>she never mentions it again
>i continue to watch "violent" tv
>become friends with girl
>turn out to be ok person and never abuse girls except in bed with explicit consent
tl;dr do not believe moralist hysteria
Violence against women is always fun.
>Be me around 10yo
>Chill alone in the schoolyard
>Girls come up and ask if I want to play with them
>Sceptic as fuck
>Ask what they are playing
>They just stand in a circle and toss a basket ball to each other
>Sounds lame but join in any way
>Get the ball after a while
>Look around to see who I should toss it to
>Decide for the most annoying girl
>Make sure that she's not prepared
>Throw the basket ball full force right in her face
>tfw I broke her nose
>tfw I get away with it because it was an accident
>tfw the girls get yelled at for playing such a dangerous game
>be in 2nd grade
>at a birthday party
>party coming to an end, we were sitting in his room
>im sitting at the tip of his bed apparently
>really have to shit
>cant hold it, literally shit my pants
>awful smell in room and a brown stain on his mattress
>have to leave
>be in elementary school
>would cry whenever I couldnt solve a math problem
I also now cry pretty easily under pressure, its not even that I'm really upset about it, my body just goes into crying bitch mode when stressed.
Like I started tearing up a couple days ago when my boss was telling me things I could do better.
haha you dummy. you deserved it. i don't know why you people wear those things.
i witnessed something similar in high school. these 2 girls were play fighting, like pretending to box and talking girly shit to each other. it was pretty gay. it was all fun and games, just 2 girls trying to be cool and get attention, but then one girl (stupid wraparound skirt girl) grabbed a hold of the other one's shirt. the girl said "stoooop, you're stretching iiiiit" but i guess she thought the girl was just playing so she didn't stop. people were laughing and egging them on. stretchy shirt girl was saying "seriously, stop" but skirt girl wasn't getting it and for some reason wasn't letting go. so the other girl just snatched her fucking skirt off. it worked, she let go. people were pretty surprised, there wasn't a lot of laughing or making fun of her, i guess because she was popular. she looked incredibly embarrassed though, she was wearing granny panties like the dumb girl in the story. i was too far away to hear but she was whispering something really seriously to the stretchy shirt girl, who gave her skirt back after a few seconds. then i got to watch her put it back on. pretty sexy watching a girl put clothes on in public, honestly. she didn't say anything else and kind of left the area, she was beet red. saw her later in the day, she didn't look upset but she was way quieter than usual (she was kind of annoying and chipper most of the time). didn't see her get shit for it but i heard a lot of people talking about it behind her back later that day, myself included. whoops looks like i forgot to greentext.