>"Gosh listen to all that rain Anon. Winter really has arrived. But as long as I have here you beside me I don't mind how cold or dark it gets outside. I love you Anon"
>"We're in this together Anon! Please don't be so silent and keep what's bothering you to yourself. Anon you've been there so many times when I've needed someone to talk to, please let me be that person for you in return. I love so you much Anon and I hate to see you when you're hurting like this!"
>"I don't care what anybody says. And I don't care that you don't have any friends. And it doesn't matter that you take life more seriously than other people. It's you I want Anon. You're the one I love. You're the one I want to be with and I hope more than anything that you want to be with me too"
>"Did you have an ok week Anon? Well it's over now, and we have two days to ourselves. Oh you look so tired. I admire you so much for working as hard as you do, my dad was right when he said I'd picked a good apple. I know, tomorrow morning I'm going to go down to the farmer's market before you get up and cook you a big warm breakfast! How does that sound!?"
>"Anoooon. Anooon! Wakey, wakey Anon. It's your birthday! Happy birthday! No don't go back to sleep. Come on, get up! You have to open your presents, and then you have to shower and get dressed because I've made plans that I hope will make up for all those years you spend your birthday by yourself!"
>"God you walk so fast! Has anyone ever told you that? I'm out of breath here trying to keep up. Whenever I used to see you on campus you always seemed to be in a rush somewhere. Here, hold my hand. Now you have to walk at the same speed I do!"
>"Oh god I'm sorry if I embarrassed myself last night Anon. I always drink too much when I'm nervous. Did I freak you out or anything? Honestly? Well, I mean I meant what I said. If you want to maybe go out sometime I'd really like that, I really do like you a lot"
>you will never live in San Francisco in the 1990s having moved there from Seattle after your close friend you lived with ended his life and live in a shared apartment with some people you don't know and walk around in the daytime trying to get lost and doing so but always finding yourself walking beside the docks and the oceanfront and take your own sandwiches wrapped in plastic wrapping and eat them on park benches and check your bank account and realize you only have enough for another two months' rent and cancel your lease early and give away the stuff you feel you don't need to a charity store and carry the rest in two bags you carry on each shoulder and catch a bus to your old college town and fail to feel the nostalgia or sense of familiarity you hoped for and go immediately back to the bus station and wait for a bus back to your hometown where your mom is living with her new boyfriend who has his own kids and where you won't be able to stay for long and get there after a long bus journey where you sat thinking barely anything except that you weren't thinking as much as you usually do and find your mom's boyfriends place and see his kid playing in the yard and walk by along the sidewalk and go to your old highschool and set up your thick wool blanket in the canopy over the bicycle stand and lay sideways facing the football field whose grass is sparse and orange after a long dry summer
>you will never grow up in Akron, Ohio in the 1970s and work at a videostore while living with your parents and writing science fiction in your spare time and get a few stories published and be making enough between you and your girlfriend whose doing her PhD to rent a small apartment which you reach by climbing a flight of stairs behind a line of shops along a quiet street lined with shops and have the outside be panneled with horizontal white wood and have the window propped open with books and the small plant on the windowsill blowing in the breeze of the fan which moves back and forth the room, lifting the corners of your papers a little before unsettling your girlfriend's hair who lays on the low sofa reading a magazine
>you will never sit beside your cute, pale, petite, dark-haired, girlfriend on a manmade seawall defence comprised of countless large boulder-like rocks and look out over the water which is the same colour of the sky for a while until it gets dark and the wind picks up and the lights of the city behind you and along the shore on either side reflects on the water and illuminates the froth coming in on each wave and see the buoys rocking from side to side and a ship with its fishing net raised like a sail moving towards the horizon and have your arm around her back and clutching her side just below her ribs where it's warm and soft and feel her hand on the inner side of your knee and her temple resting on your shoulder which you've lowered somewhat to accommodate her in a way that will be comforting for her
>you will never visit your hometown with your qt gf and wake up the morning after your arrival after a long journey and reach over to check the time on your phone and feel her squirming next to you and look over to find that she's awake too and is sort of squinting and laughing a little about something you start smiling about too despite not really know what it is and have her stretch her arm above her head and curl her fingers in her palm as she does it before reaching the arm under the duvet again up to her head and shivering a little then have her laugh since she looks like a little kid like that all tucked in and say what? two times until she starts giggling and hides under the blanket and go under yourself and tickle her and say what while laughing yourself then have your mom call out from the hall that breakfast is ready and to get it while it's still warm
I kinda already accepted that I will not only die alone but also live alone.
>"Gosh listen to all that plane noise Anon. Dr. Pavel really has arrived. But as long as I have here you beside me I don't mind how big or masked bane is. I love you Anon"
MY EYES ARE GETTING WEARY
MY MASK IS GETTING TIGHT
I'M SITTING HERE A CAPTIVE, ON THE CIA PLANE TONIGHT
I DON'T CARE CAUSE ALL I WANNA DO
IS CRASH THIS PLANE AND DRIVE RIGHT HOME FOR YOU
CAUSE BANEBY ALL MY LIFE I WILL BE A BIG GUY FOR YOU