I want it to be done in some specific way. I shouldn't, I know.
People with a death wish are seldom able to choose. Or maybe they are, it's just an odd coupling.
Call me a keck, but I don't trust to be killed by just anyone. If I were to have a mutual agreement of having my life taken I'd want it to be done by a woman I thought was attractive. That way if there will be any pleasure taken in my murder it won't have been by a male.
I feel like some how I could make up for the intimacy i've avoided for my entire life, to end my life in some odd form of passion.
But make no mistake I have no problem being killed by man if he took no personal pleasure in it. I would also only be comfortable knowing they would make me disappear. Dispose of my corpse with extreme prejudice. No trace, maybe chemical disincorporation. I want no one whom i've ever known to have any idea what happened to me. I offer them no closure, just my exit from their lives to make it easier to forget me.
>tfw you know that if you ever get threatened at gunpoint you'll show little emotion and calmy ask them to shoot you, but they'll get weirded out and run away because you don't want to defend yourself and then you're back to square one.
>>24074129 >watch scary movie alone at night >get scared like the pussy I am when trying to go to bed >w-what was that >start being paranoid that someone is in the house >realize the worst they can do is kill me >begin hoping someone IS in my house so they put me out of my misery >get out of bed and walk into the front room eyes closed but head held high and turned on the lights >stood there for 30 seconds before I opened my eyes >turns out my cat was just messing shit up on the counter For a moment I was brave
>>24074866 >iktf unwavering bravery born from despair is the most tragic shit i've ever experienced and it's only happened 3 times to me.
Wandering into my grandmother's pitch black basement knowing that the dark can take nothing of value away from me was one of the most strangest moments of my life.
I felt liberated from almost all emotions, not in a catatonic state. That's a misnomer. I just felt like I was already gone. Not quite sad, or angry. Just gone.
The thing about the missed intimacy in my life has led me to believe if I were to ever cross paths with something that I felt in my heart would kill me and it wasn't human but I felt it were attractive in some way.
I'd demand it either kill me or date me. Call me a fool but I don't really consider myself desperate for affection, not really. But I suppose that fits the textbook definition whether I like it or not. I've gone almost 2 decades never worrying about courting women or trying to impress them to gain favor. I'm not even sure i've had interest in doing anything of that sort ever.
The more malicious side is if I did find something that did not belong in my house there would be a thin line between letting it take me, or brutally murdering it, inflicting sexually motivated agony. It would depend on my mood.
>>24075013 Explain what's worse besides torture that does not ultimately lead to death? Something that perpetuates life in some constant agony?
This seems very unlikely without heavily advanced scientific equipment or supernatural means.
And if either are the case, then you stray into more complicated means. Like locking someone in a stasis of perpetual fear and agony that expunges the memory of the encounter to freshen the torture.
>>24075052 >We're all sadists here. Some of us would enjoy torture I'm not sure you wrote this correctly.
>>24074990 No religious conditioning keeps me from taking my own life personally. But in the case above it isn't the case. It's merely the indifference of if your life is taken or not regardless of your involvement of it.
For the argument's sake. Is it a sin to not care if you die but refuse to kill yourself?
>>24075130 I didn't meant that it was entirely a religious thing.just that it was a part of the outcome of it. I did also say social conditioning. Religious conditioning influences social conditioning which has influenced the way your brain was programmed from the day you were born. Which is why people as a whole have such a stigma and weirdness about death and those who are in different about it.
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