I just spent 2 hours processing an idea that someone told me in another thread. I had to take a doctor-prescribed benzodiazepine to calm down because I was shaking so badly and the fear was overwhelming, before finally concluding that the idea is false and I was cruelly trolled. Why would anyone post something like that, knowing the effects it has on me? And how do they know; how did they even come up with it?
This is 4chin there are people who do this. I'm not sure if this is a triggermeme for funnies or if this is for real but 4chin is a place where you need to have the thick skine because if you donut then you will be boobood in the head. I'be browsed lots of boards and seen tons of nasty things so I'm immune but you canut let the things you donut like hurt you. The triggere might only exist because you truly believed it existed when you got stressed from a past event and started exaggerating it's effects on you.
There are physical activities that people cannot do because of their physical limitations, and I'm sure there are other activities that people cannot do due to their mental limitations. I would recommend meditation and getting pumped.
Listen to music like www.youtube.com/watch?v=9D-QD_HIfjA and other tough sounding songs get pumped to them and believe that you can make it over your struggles and fight them off. I don't have triggers over anything, but whenever I feel myself dropping or failing or getting upset or sad, I get incredibly determined because I believe that I'm strong and I believe that I can be happy in the face of danger. It feels like I'm mentally slamming the obstacles in my way straight into the ground and walking over them.
I believe people outfit themselves with triggers because it seems to be a popular thing to do to seem special on sites like Tmblr. Now, I don't visit Tmblr but I hang around on dubchan lots and I visit 4chan sometimes to post on [s4s] because I could never leave this place, but I believed what the shitposters on /v/ said and tried to become like them so I could fit in. I didn't become too harsh but I definitely formed some negative opinions, but I broke through that eventually because I saw how people were acting and I knew that wasn't a good way to act; so in a way 4chan sorta formed me to know how not to act to people I guess.
Anyways again I believe that I can be strong and happy in the face of things that make me sad, and I face them a lot better. I suppose what I'm saying is that you should believe in yourself and your ability to overcome these difficult situations, as letting them take over you and believing they're in control can be rather hazardous. I mean, people can make a tulpa by believing in them hard enough, why can't they strengthen or even weaken themselves by doing the same?
You can't give up, whoever you are, OP; I believe in you and I know you can become strong someday. Human minds are super powerful things but we tend to forget this and let the bad control us. Good luck. If you wanna be friends with me I wouldn't mind trying to be there for you, as I love life and I want to help others learn to love it as well, and maybe I can help you face these things that upset you in a more healthy way; at your own pace of course as it's not good to force people into these things.
I feel you. Some days ptsd + chan = NOPE
Also OP I'm curious, was it the psychedelic nature of the images that got you upset? Did you have a traumatic experience with sleep paralysis, taking drugs, or maybe even an extreme nightmare of sorts? Or was it the mentality-related things that the users were posting, as well?
exercise helps a lot of things. I don't think it makes things too too worse.
I was thinking yesterday about the jobs I had and how I entered into them as this happy idiot. And things worked out fine for me. And I decided I am going to approach my life and social situations like that.
Thanks for the friendly posts, but what I'm wondering is how did the person who posted the stuff know that it would troll me? It hardly makes any sense to anyone without interpreting it in the specific way I am interpreting it. Yet, that person somehow knew what I was thinking about. Do you understand the connection of those two posts to the OP post of the same thread? Someone posted similar stuff in another thread a while ago, where I talked about similar stuff (again without any obvious connection, except from my and the troll's point of view). I think a few weeks or a month ago, and I don't understand why anyone would waste their time thinking about things like that (other than me of course) and then just casually post it.
It could be your name. Your name could be telling the people what upsets you and they get used to it and whatnot. For example Jimmy hates spiders; people who hate Jimmy throw spiders at him. One day Jimmy changes his name to Johnny; the people who hate him no longer throw spiders at him because they don't think Johnny hates spiders.
Just know that if people hate you a lot you don't want to show your weaknesses to them. It's like in nature with how some animals want to protect their soft bellies in fights; It's actually the common domestic cats weak spot and predators will attack it's stomach since it has no bones to protect it. This is why the domestic cat can kick it's legs at your hands when you scratch its belly because it needs a way to protect it's weak spot. But back on topic; try not to let things get to you. Show your weak spots to your friends so they can know how to protect you and make you feel better.
So again people might've just known how to upset you due to your name or they might've just enjoyed posting psychedelic images, too. It could be a simple misunderstanding; not everyone is out to get you and there are people who enjoy the things you fear. Like how I said if Jimmy hates spiders, that doesn't mean someone loves spiders. I actually adore arachnids but arachnophobia is an incredibly common fear, for example.
I have a traumatic drug experience, also with flashbacks related to that stuff. I haven't had any flashbacks for a good while. The stuff posted made me understand the flashbacks in a different way. Even though I'm not getting them anymore, I'm still afraid. I'm also aware that what causes me to fear, is invalid logic (which was also bent around in the drug experience - the entire reason the experience was traumatic is because all of my logic was upside down), but the fear just keeps taking control sometimes. Basically I'm never depressed anymore, instead, fear has replaced the depression. I'm either happy or afraid.
Ahh I see. That's good though; you're on the path to recovering. Remember that these psychedelic images cannot hurt you; the trip might've been scary but psychedelic stuff in nature is meant to be dreamy and surreal and even comforting at times. They usually have beautiful colors and very dreamlike imagery sometimes mixed in with beautiful fantasy scenery. And by understanding the flashbacks in a different way do you mean they helped you understand them in a happy way or opened up a new, spooky meaning to them for you?
>Remember that these psychedelic images cannot hurt you;
I'm not offended by them. In fact I think the Google Dream or whatever -generated images aren't remotely psychedelic in any way, but I'm not offended by actual psychedelic art either; I find it beautiful.
>And by understanding the flashbacks in a different way do you mean they helped you understand them in a happy way or opened up a new, spooky meaning to them for you?
A new spooky meaning. But I also understand the other side of the meaning better. I understand the past experience itself better also. It's an inner fight of the two extremes, even though I know the good side will win, the bad side is enough to bring overwhelming fear. I think I have to learn to recognize the bad side because my mind just gets stuck there if I don't realize it.
>I'm not offended by them. In fact I think the Google Dream or whatever -generated images aren't remotely psychedelic in any way, but I'm not offended by actual psychedelic art either; I find it beautiful.
This is great to hear.
>A new spooky meaning. But I also understand the other side of the meaning better. I understand the past experience itself better also.
The other side as in what's behind these images and the more good things behind them?
>It's an inner fight of the two extremes, even though I know the good side will win, the bad side is enough to bring overwhelming fear.
This is amazing to hear. You know the good side in your mind will win and therefore it will, because your beliefs are in your mind and they have control over the realm of your head just as fear does. Er, to clear things up, your beliefs are what give things strength, I feel.
>I think I have to learn to recognize the bad side because my mind just gets stuck there if I don't realize it.
I can understand this. It's like getting lost in a maze of paper and getting super scared of not finding the exit, but not realizing you can just walk your way straight through the paper walls and make your way out safely.
You're very far along in recovering and even though we've just met, I'm very proud of you. I'm guessing games like Yume Nikki are actual straight-up horror for you? Don't google search it if you don't know what it is as I'm not sure if it's something that'll upset you or not. It's basically a psychedelic dream exploration game that has a ton of trippy things and some are rather nightmarish and weird. However if you get into the game you sort of learn to love the bizarre, unsettling vibe of the dream worlds. The game reminds me of your struggle as it shows how you can be scared of something that you don't really understand, but then after getting into it, you learn to love the things for what they are or just be immune to them even, and such.
So I'd only really recommend the game if you want to test yourself and overcome your fears. Some other games of the nature are WorldsPlayer/Worlds.com and LSD Dream Emulator. All of these games are a little unsettling but have huge amounts of bizarre charm to them and can be relaxing once you get into the nature of them and understand them for what they are.
Anyways I'll be right back as I need to take a shower.
Hi there Yuji, I noticed you made a similar post in the past, sorry to hear you're this way, I can relate, suffering from psychosis myself.
I hope things get better for you!
>This is great to hear.
>The other side as in what's behind these images and the more good things behind them?
What images? I'm talking about the "simultaneous self-awareness" thing. My new understanding was, that the traumatic drug experience I had actually showed I had been thinking this way all along (not my entire life but for a year or so), I had the wrongest of wrongs faced with the final truth, which sent me into a psychiatric hospital for a week. The moment it happened, I didn't even understand what actually happened (other than the immediate effects it had on my consciousness) and processed the entire thing for several months.
>I'm guessing games like Yume Nikki are actual straight-up horror for you?
I googled it and it looks just like a bunch of monsters and other stuff, which isn't scary. Horror movies don't scare me either. What is scary that I was shown that the ULTIMATE COSMIC EVIL (an abstract concept) was WITHIN ME. I'm not going to go into literal details because I'm afraid of saying something I'm not supposed to, or revealing secrets I'm not supposed to know. I did not see any monsters or other hallucinations. I went "IN THERE", experienced "THAT" and somehow made it back alive, but at the moment I thought it was permanent, even transcending life and death. I thought my soul would be eternally stuck looping, or something equally bizarre (again I could explain it in detail, but I'm afraid of mentioning it). Later I got PTSD-style effects and implications such as "is it possible for consciousness to fail catastrophically, e.g. by experiencing an infinite amount of pain, or can an alien torture you by feeding you bursts of indescribable experiences" - a few days ago it turned out it actually isn't, how do I know this? Well, I don't think I'm supposed to talk about that either if you catch my drift. Not that you'd believe me anyway.
Also what the f*ck, I just had to solve like 30 captchas AND STILL "MISTYPED"?
I experience voices, music stuck in my head all the time and at my lowest point without medication I saw monsters and thought people were following me, going to abduct me etc. :(
That sounds like something I read on another forum. Someone used a drug and weeks later, got the effect of "someone going to surprise you from behind" and it was stuck. He went into a psychiatric hospital and was given medication and recovered in a month. I wouldn't want to experience anything like that either.
By the way, my week in a psychiatric hospital was kind of useless since what I experienced had already ended at that point, but they said they wanted to watch me in case something happens. Nothing did. Just random flashbacks after already getting out, but no serious psychosis.
It wasn't "hospital from LSD". Something happened, and I happened to be on LSD at that point. Not randomly, but I had to be on LSD. :D
Pic related, it's ":D"
It was caused by stress and grief... No drug usage here. I feel it was best you were in the hospital just in case something bad did happen, prevention is better than cure is what I'm trying to say.
Yuji you are historically the most epic ruseman to ever give me the lulz. You're the reason this board is so great. I say this all without irony, without sarcasm or even satire. I love you Yuji Sakai. Many happy returns.
Dear god I wrote out a huge reply to you and it didn't go through because of captcha shenanigans. My post is gone now because I exited out of the quick reply thing when I thought it was sent.
Anyways to put things short yeah I figured that you aren't scared of psychedelic things contrary to what I thought you were scared of. And that the experience you described sounds almost exactly like Giygas from Earthbound. Have you played it before? Maybe it could've influenced your trip. In Earthbound, Giygas was an ultimate cosmic evil who sort of manipulated the hatred in the minds of people and animals to cause them to go rather violent.
I can understand what you're saying. Things can feel pretty wack at times and if you don't feel comfortable talking about it here, you can talk to me about it on my Steam which is http://steamcommunity.com/id/coey890/
My Skype address is coey890 if you'd like to talk with me there. Some rudefigs seem to be jumping into the thread and picking at you and I'm really sorry about that. They don't really understand what [s4s] is about. Just forget about 'em and I'll keep chatting with you if you'd like.
That experience you described sounds pretty insane and I'm sorry to hear you had to go through that. I've never taken drugs before but I've heard about some pretty nasty things happening with them. Seriously though if you don't feel comfortable about talking about it here I can talk about it on Steam with you if you'd like.
Oh I can understand that. It's a little too late for that information, but it's good to remind people juuust in case so they don't hurt themselves more. I was talking about the people laughing at them and stuff but eh I suppose this is cuckchan. [s4s] is just suppose to be nice board and i like to kip it that way
No no no no no. I can promise you that if this thread had ID's we'd be completely different. But even then you're probably just gonna doubt me and such. I suppose Yuji knows I'm different though and that's enough as I guess I'm only there to comfort him.