I hate you. I hate you so much. I hate that you make me cry, that you don't love me, even care about me. I hate you make me beg for scraps and I hate that for all that I'm not even your favourite
But fuck I can't get enough of you, I don't care about how shit you treat me or make me feel, I don't care that you're fucking my sister or my friends, I don't care that I'm nothing but a plaything to you, to be abused and chewed out at your own pleasure. Every time I see you you Hury me, leave me gagging for air, bruised, red and sore and I fucking love it. I love it when you force my head down on your cock, I love it when you spank me until I can't sit down, when you take me roughly without giving a fuck if I'm enjoying it, but I always am, I get wet just thinking of you treating me like a cheap whore, and I will always always want more.
My friends call me pathetic, an idiot, they say I could have anyone I want, they ask why I'd waste my time with such an abusive wanker, but they don't understand how you make me feel, and nobody ever will
>>22615810 My back sort of hurts from deadlifts and this will be annoying now that I'm going for a run.
My studies are sort of shit, I should be doing those more often.
I'm dating a girl that I sort of like but she's absolutely not my type. I still have feelings for her and I can't end it. No idea what I should do, just letting it float.
On the other hand, I met a girl that was JUST my type. The perfect one. Fit as fuck, 9/10 face and shared my interests. Just glorious to be with, altough abit distant just like myself. Had major feels for her but they faded, cant tell why. Jesus, even her parents were a fucking delight and had tons of cash. If I could just occasionally control those feelings I would be the happiest man on earth.
Also I used to have an almost insane sexdrive, and now I can feel it fade. Both relieved and worried at the same time.
Also my fucking bananas are brown again. I swear to god they were green two days ago. This upsets me more than it should, which in turn upsets me even more. Fuck.
tl:dr; Fitnessproblems, studies suck, cant fall for the right girl, I hate bananas
>>22615810 I'm really handsome and girls are really easy to get but I rarely go after them. Like they'll invite me over and I'll turn them down for video games and pizza alone. I dunno maybe I need to fall in love again.
I don't feel much like a human being anymore. I know the man I was 20 years ago is dead and that fucking terrifies me. That man is gone. The man that actually had values and morals and could fucking feel something other than this gnawing pit. I still wake up I'm cold sweats, I still have thoes jarring nightmares. The flashbacks.
In my 39 years of life I've been in situations I wouldn't wish on anyone else, and I've had to do nasty things to survive. Fuck you for putting me there. You fucking ruined me.
I recently came out after my 21st birthday and the freedom I have felt to be relatively true to myself has had a marked difference on my world view. I am very privileged and have a new found respect and love for my family.
I have become that which I once despised, 'an overly joyous person'.
I know my words will not change any lives but the key to a happy life is to above all else be true to yourself. As cliched and repulsive as it sounds it is true, and something which can only truly understood through experience.
It was a very long and arduous process but having accomplished a sure understanding of myself I still feel invincible.
Though, I still need you all to know that I know how corny this sounds.
I'm in the army. The green weenie has ravaged my ass so much even mre shits fall out without so much as a push. I can't get out though, cause the wife and I are both too medically fucked to hold down a job doing anything else.
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