> suffer from severe depression > does not have the heart to commit suicide because family would be sad and i do not feel worthy of causing them pain just to relieve myself of mine > no access to mental health care > no friends, nobody to talk to > pretends-happiness in front of family because my mother suffered through her brother committing suicide and is foreverfragile from it and gets very sad anytime she sees me be sad and i dont want to make her sad > wishing every night that i won't wake up again in the morning > every day i feel my skin crawling with debilitating self-hatred of my existance that just wants to burst and cannot find a way to relieve it > been this way for 8+ years > want nothing more then to dissapear and not feel anymore >want nothing more then to make it all stop > been spending my life impatiently waiting to die
>be me >be 22 yrs old >alcoholic absuvise dad, never met mom >taught you to never trust anyone but the money you make >worked after school to make some money for travelling >been almost 4 years now and still in the same company, never went to travel >actually make decent money for my age >don't have people you can open up to because you trust nobody >all of your friends are just filler firends for your drinking habit >block everyone on whatsapp and delete your facebook once a year after a person triggers all your paranoia >at home, drinking and work tomorrow >take 2 adderalls at work so youre not hungonver >do the same tomorrow
>tried to an hero and failed, too scared to an hero again >not happy with life and too fucking lazy to change anything about it >im just being a huge pussy and im too lazy to make my own life better
>at least i make decent money to buy non-shitty alcohol
>>22728705 If you're a guy start giving less, being less loyal, and taking more. It makes you more attractive to women. You need visceral attraction, not negotiated affection. If you're young keep looking. If you're totally lost, I say read Best of Year One here.
>30/M kissless virgin >finally work up the nerve to ask a cute nurse out at the hospital I work in >she laughs in my face and tells me to try the geriatric ward >had to go back there to meet with doctors about thing we're building for them >hear constant snickering and giggles from her friends >the doctors were annoyed because I can barely think straight and explain the shit I've been working on without stumbling over myself
>tfw she doesn't reply >tfw no gf >tfw my friends don't really have the same interests as me and I miss out in a lot of shit because no one wants to accompany me >tfw extremely self conscious and anxious >tfw beta as fuck What am I supposed to say when texting someone, everyone I've talked to ends up losing interest and cutting me off, I just want someone to be as interested in me as I am in them
Every shitty little thing I ever did and all my failures and fuckups led me to the girl of my dreams. It's almost a shame I met the woman of my life right after I decided to give loving another chance.
>>22730003 >been falling behind for the last 7 years in social relationships and society >just want to grow stronger >Feel it is pointless but it is all I have left >worried eventually I'll become insane
I JUST NEED TO BE STRONG ENOUGH TO DO WHAT I STILL EXIST FOR.
Separated in January. Now exwife had a boyfriend by march. Moved in with him by May. She's currently raising his children from his own previous marriage, and is planning on having children of her own with him.
I've been single, and celibate, ever since we split.
>have girlfriend for 2 years >love eachother a lot, move in, everything good >sex is always a bit strained though, she's very reserved and is very afraid of being touched most times >after 2 years, she tells me that she is trans, starts testosterone treatment, but still, everything OK. >two months ago >(s)he tells me that she is more interested in being with girls, we break up. We still live together though, and occasionally fuck. >I go snooping through his phone browser history last night >find extreme fetish porn (look up "Destruction of Felony" for an example. Also nipple torture and machine anal bondage), and hundreds of Craigslist casual encounters listings (a few being for guys, which hurts a lot) that go back months and months. >yesterday I sort of mention how I'm feeling sad because our sex life was mediocre and I feel like he just wants to "trade up". >he let's out that he thinks about other people/situations while we were fucking. >that feeling like you just got kicked in the stomach ensues.
I'm not hurt that (s)he wanted to have crazy rough kinky sex (I'm really into that shit), I'm just hurt that he felt he couldn't talk to me about it and had to go behind my back to get it.
I don't think he every actually met up with anyone on cl, but still.
I was watching stars on the roof last night when it hit like a brick that I'll forever be alone and no one will ever going to love me. I was so fucking insignificant and small when I was watching Pleiades, its sheer majesty made me feel even more uglier and disgusting then I am. Why did I had to be born like this? Why couldn't I be a little bit more attractive, why do I have to be alone? I didn't do anything bad in my life, I try to be a good person by moral standards, I try helping people when I can, help animals in need and just mind my own business. Why do I have to suffer like this, why?
>>22731907 It's ok Anon. You just got to find the girl who deserves your penis. Obviously she/he or whatever did not deserve your amazing penis :3 seriously we're like 10 billion on this planet who the fuck cares
in 1 week, it'll be 1 year since i broke up with my ex who cheated on me, i loved her deeply and thought she was the PERFECT match for me (i still do) i still miss her a lot, i've met a nice girl, i thought she was great and we could have been really close if we were in couple, but she rejected me.
I'm tired of being alone, i just don't know how to be happy without someone in my life, i have some hobbies that i enjoy, i see friends and people everytime, i party time to time, but that just not enough to make me happy, my ex took a part of me when she left...
2015 is really a shitty year, the only 2 moments of happiness was the May 31 in Madrid where i saw AC/DC in concert and the 19 november when i'll leave my country for Japan and live there for 3 months, the rest of the year was just...not good.
>>22731984 How are you supposed to find the love when you say no like this? What if I knew someone for you? What if I'm the 1% (a girl) ? Maybe by Skyping with me or whatever you can somehow find someone to love? Saying yes to everything in life opens up so many possibilities because the chain reactions are so fucking insane
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