Hey I'm new to /soc/ but I'm just going to let some shit out hoping for advice, and also I wanna give advice to anyone who needs it.
But so basically I'm 20, live at home, parents decide after 25 years of marriage to divorce, feel guilty for not feeling like I feel I should be feeling, decide to start binging my Adderall prescription, already fuck around with psychedelic drugs, have gf of almost 4 years see her losing interest (again), lost all self confidence, constantly paranoid of people hating me or being annoyed by me, can't eat more than maybe a hot pocket every 2 days, decide I have a borderline eating disorder, and that's just a beginning of all the anxieties, and self doubting bull shit I've dealt with the past couple of months. Can anyone relate?
Also picture of me..
Oh yeah and if you can't stop doing the drugs because you are a pussy, then AT LEAST stop the psychedelics; I can only speak from experience in this regard but this is the shit that nearly sent me over the edge.
That's true, I have been diagnosed by my doctor with adhd, anxiety, depression, ocd. But can't afford prescriptions for all of them but I think the not wanting to eat is more like a way to control something if that makes sense so probably not a disorder but just something
I feel like yeah I could stop the psy drugs and the Adderall if I honestly was wanting to face reality but I'm not ready yet.. I want to get off it when things go back into place
I believe you because sometimes I wonder like is facing reality basically accepting that you ended up with a semi shitty life so then you make the best of it? For me it's like when I'm 100% sober my emotions control everything I think and do no matter the situation but not sober it's like I have emotion but my brain doesn't react to it the same way idk
>I want to get off it when things go back into place
Stop doing them and go exercise you will feel awesome. You know you get a natural high after you exercise right?
You aren't going to get back anywhere unless you stop doing drugs, you're just further disconnecting yourself
I have heard that about exercise and I've wanted to try it but my motivation sucks for that, especially when Adderall is a stimulant so off of it you feel like weak and lazy. But you know maybe I'll give it a shot it won't fix anything really but it might help me feel less crazy
Sounds like a tough situation man.
Why are you binging on your adderall? That is undoubtedly contributing to you not being able to eat. I was emaciated when I was on adderall. Have you googled any support groups for eating disorders in your local area? I find that working with people who have gone through the same thing as I have can really help me with my demons. For reference, I'm an alcoholic. I've been sober since August 25, 2013. I needed to go talk with other alcoholics to figure out how to stay sober, because I just COULDNT STOP DRINKING. See if there's an eating disorders group in your area. It will likely be mostly women, but fuck it - you need help. Also, search Reddit for eating disorder support groups. Those subreddits will be better moderated and you won't have to deal with people trolling you on here.
I can't stress these supports groups enough. They will help you develop coping mechanisms for all the other anxieties in your life - your parents' divorce, your girlfriend, your financial/living situation, your concern about what others think about you - they will help you find constructive, positive ways to deal with this versus binging on adderall, taking psychedelics, and withholding food from yourself.
Lemme know if you have any questions.
I actually really like that idea about support groups! I love socializing but I'm also a nervous wreck.. one thing I'm nervous about and I know this sounds stupid but if I went I would want my family to know nothing of it because not only am I ashamed I just don't want to add any stress to what they already have going on, so if I could do it while keeping it private I think it could really help. I came here for support so hopefully there's support groups in my area
I'm 21, live in an apartment with my brother and sister. Parents divorced last year after 20 something years. Mom only visits on the weekends. Dad is in another state and will probably never see us again. All of my siblings and I see therapists. I'm seeing 2 currently. Never had a prescription and wary about starting, since I believe I'm highly addiction-prone and depression-prone. Also why I avoid alcohol and drugs, but I'm always tempted to use it for relief. I barely eat too. If I didn't get a kidney stone two months ago, I wouldn't be eating every day. I try to eat two meals a day but end up usually eating one. Today I had the same pain I did when I had the kidney stone. Hopefully it passed. I'm a shut-in these days. Trying to go to school but I've always been bad with homework. So far, I've been able to manage Bs in my 3 classes, but I'm slipping. I quit my last job with school as an excuse when I really just hated being a sales clerk. Fucking never again. Haven't applied to any jobs since, even though I've looked at so many job listings. Feeling guilty because my grandpa is helping my mom with the portion of the rent that I can't cough up. Depressed and lonely these days. Feel like the new kid at school all the time. Things are very slowly getting better, but I still feel like shit.
Anyway thanks for opening up the floor to let me unload. I also have a low self-opinion. Always have. Luckily, I was able to get by pretty well in high school. Dad was abusive. Always was too overwhelmed to do well at anything, including music, which I love. Hopefully therapy will continue to help me move forward because last year I was contemplating suicide. Even though psychotherapy has never given me a quick fix to any of my issues, I'd be nowhere without it. I'd recommend it if you haven't really stuck with it. It's just nice to talk to someone who actually wants to listen and help, and is equipped. Friends are great, but really, they can only do so much.
I'm glad you vented man I needed too that's why I made this post, but you basically are going through what I am but my father wasn't abusive (which I'm sorry to hear) but then you haven't been in the drug world (which I recommend avoiding at all costs) but neither of out situations are the same or worse than the other just different. But it doesn't change the fact we feel like shit... you're right about friends helping and that they can only do so much, my two only friends moved away about the same time last year so maybe that has something to do with this all? Anyway thanks for understanding and venting if you need to talk more do it get it out its somewhat helpful I think
Maaan I've heard people say I look like him before and if I really do, just know I act nothing like him haha that's a side profile so hopefully that changes your opinion
Get a job. Not judging, just saying. Mundane repetitive task help me keep my mind busy, which helps me relax and unwind. Also gives you confidence boost if you fund something you like to do and your good at. You're 20, way too soon to worry about shit like this bro. You'll be fine, just relax.
I may be a little late to the party but I have to say, OP you are me 2 years ago. I had a meltdown and gave up on trying to make my lowlife friends happy and my lowlife slut of a gf happy. I cut my hair, got job at Wendy's, discovered a side of me I'd never known, and within six months I dipped. Now I'm in Oregon working at a waffle shop. Work is very therapeutic somehow, once you get into your zone and your only focused on work, whether it be a rush in the kitchen or sorting through hundreds of bullshit work emails and responses each day. Work was something I never thought would answer my problem, but it totally did.
Well that's the thing I forgot to mention, is that I have a job at a sandwich shop but the drive is far so I'm late all the time and sometimes I can't help it so basically my jobs hanging by a thread ha and I know if I really tried harder I wouldn't be late as much but it's hard enough for me to want to even wake up anymore let alone make it to my shitty job
I do actually have a job I hate and you're right by saying it keeps you busy, but like I said to another anon I'm always late and unmotivated so now I'm currently getting a second job hoping that will get me fully distracted and also some money because I want to leave town ya know?
Yeah I agree. I'm trying hard to stay away from drugs, which helps when my best buddy is also straight edge. Sad thing is that I moved like 3000 miles away from my hometown last year so it's kinda the same. All my lifelong friends are back home and I'm away. Maybe your friends are kinda going through the same thing. Then again, I'm highly introverted. My best buddy says that he's going through some of the same feeling of shitness and he has been for the past few months despite being able to hang out with our circle of friends. It had a lot to do with his grandpa having a stroke (he lives alone with his grandparents) and him breaking up with his long time girlfriend. What keeps us both going is the fact that we're both set on moving in together in a couple of years after I get certified in CAD manufacturing, save up and move back home. He and I are planning to make music and create art, and go on road trips. We had so much fun during the past few years even though both of us were broke because we somehow figured out that together we made the most out of the simple things. The thing that keeps me down is that it'll take a long time for me to get out of the place I'm in right now which is dull and monotonous. What are your future plans like? Or if not plans, what are your dreams?
So you do know how I feel about friends! It's awesome that you actually have somewhat of a plan even if it's a couples years from now, my two friends and I all have girlfriends so I think that might be what is keeping us preoccupied.. but what I've learned about this is that they are kinda holding us all back but if one of us broke up with them either way the other 2 will be busy always and that kinda scares me. But I just wanna move either with my gf or with some acquaintances I just don't have the funds ya know? Art and music are stuff I love to do as well and lately I've been doing nothing with my talents maybe I'll pick up drawing again