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Petyr the War Beagle
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Animal Companion thread.

>starting level 3, 500 gold
>pick Ranger as class
>party consists of a paladin, a bard, a cleric, a sorceror a thief
>50 GP left
>buy a guard dog
>"What breed is it OP?"
>A w-war beagle
>DM guffaws
>decides to give Petyr (the war beagle's name) a single level in Warrior

First session
>party sent from town to investigate disappearance of farmers
>approach last known site of disappearance, some bumpkin's farm ranch
>DM makes us roll spot
>Petyr has a +5 spot
>Bard rolls a 1
>"You think it's nothing"
>Petyr rolls a 20
>"The beagle goes batshit insane at the ranch"
>Roll Handle Animal
>"The beagle takes off into the ranch and disappears. Suddenly you hear loud shrieks come from inside."
>DM starts rolling random dice
>He goes silent for a minute
>DM suddenly starts laughing
>Whole party is silent
>"Petyr emerges with what appears to be a severed arm of a bug bear"
>Bard takes a closer look
>Rolls Knowledge: Local
>"Uh, OP, Petyr just maimed the arm of a decorated bug bear raider chief"
>Take the arm back to mayor's office
>Paladin rolls diplomacy
>Natural 20
>DM silent again
>The mayor hands us a sack of 500 GP and commissions us to hunt the lair of the bug bear raiders
>As we leave, Mayor stops us for a moment and goes to his office
>He returns and places a padded armor coat on Petyr
>"This belonged to my guard dog years ago. I think yours has earned it"

Capptcha- tumberl who
post stats
Give me a second to dig it up. It's been ages since our campaign.

That same evening:
>Bard plays performance at tavern to try and get us free lodging
>Sings a song of The War Beagle and The Bug Bear
>+4 in Performance
>Commoners start weeping and throwing coins at him
>Barkeep repeatedly gets us drunk
>Cleric casts Blessing on Petyr who is sitting on the stage beside the bard
>Petyr begins glowing in his padded armor
>He begins howling along with the song
>DM rolls performance check as a joke
>DM now silent
>gets up from table
>lights a cigarette
>"We're taking a break"
>He comes back
>DM sighs
>"Petyr is now your animal companion"

Basically Petyr is my NPC/animal companion. Hands down the best one I've ever had. At the end of our campaign, he reached level 4 Warrior and picked up Hear the Unseen from Complete Adventurer.

Petyr had something around +15 to spot, Reflex Save +9 or up to +12 buffed (I think). He also gave our Paladin and Bard a +2 to Diplomacy. Our Sorceror and I would have regular chats with him through the Speak with Animals spells.
Should I stop green text or continue?

Second & Third Session:
>Petyr becomes an overnight sensation
>Bard and 'Singing War Beagle' becomes local legend
>Inn keeper lets us stay for two days free
>Next day Paladin gets us a cart and a pony
>We decide to set up an ambush and see if we can draw out the bug bears
>Petyr, Rogue and I will sneak out to try and scout for ambushes
>travel several days into the main trade route
>DM rolls dice
>"The Beagle seems tense. It detects something ahead of the cart."
>I take out the bug bear's arm decorations
>Petyr immediately recognizes the damned scent
>The Rogue detects several pitfall and spike pit traps
>Handle Animal
>"I try to instruct Petyr not to run off"
>Did you train him, OP?
>check stats
>Roll Handle Animal
>Petyr runs off
>DM rolls dice repeatedly
>DM starts smirking
>"You hear the sound of yelping, shrieking, and crossbows firing repeatedly."
>whole party goes pale with concern
>suddenly Petyr returns with bloodied and angry Bug Bears in tow
>rush down to main trade route
>Paladin immediately raises lance and makes a charge on his war horse
>Pony: Moral Save vs Panic
>Cart runs off like crazy with Cleric, Bard and Sorceror in tow
>Petyr chases after it, wounded
>Cleric casts Heal Minor Wounds
>Petyr glows with divine blue light
>turns around and goes for the nearest bug bear
>one of them eats a crossbow bolt from the bard and dies instantly
>Petyr is maybe one third of a bug bear's size
>Sorceror flings magic missiles at the nearest one
>hits it
>Petyr leaps just at the point of impact and tackles it on the ground, attacking it
>Thief and I are fighting off the small band of bug bears
>they notice an angry war beagle eating one of them in the face
>they flee

That evening:
>a fellow Ranger reports visiting an abandoned camp site and seeing drawings left by bug bears about a demonic dog that rips and tears apart their kin

Bumping for potential epic
A short list of Petyr's exploits during our campaign:

- During one session, Petyr finds a wood sprite and chases it. The sprite casts some kind of a charm on him and he comes back with glitter all over his nose. In reality, it's actually a protective spell that gives him a bonus of +1 to hit. Later on he manages to take down a corrupted tree ent during a tough battle.

- During another session, in the aftermath of a raid (turns out to be part of a larger plot by a region wide bandit organization, controlled by a larger network of robber barons), Petyr saves about half a dozen peasants trapped in a collapsed warehouse

- In the same session, Petyr tracks down the convoy of Goblin slavers, takes down a Warg on his own, and proceeds to take a leak on its corpse

- During a raid on an outpost, backed by local militia, Petyr leads the charge with the Paladin. Kobold engineers set up a corridor of pitch and flames. Petyr fucking runs through it, takes down one of them with a critical hit, followed by a 20, instant death; tears its head off causing panic and mayhem, retreats, just as Sorceror throws a fireball and makes chunky salsa everywhere

- While on board a raft down one of the rivers, Petyr detects arrow fire and gives us time to find cover.

- During a separate raid on a catacombs, due to my racial enemy choice of Undead, he picks up nearby activity and gives us time to set up ambushes. He lures them to us repeatedly and gives us the upper hand about four times in a row.

- During a confrontation with a group of necromancers, he interrupts casting by attacking them individually as they prepare to cast. DM decides due to the conversations I have with him to give him a +1 INT increase.

- Petyr befriends a local dryad and becomes a guardian of the Witchgrove Forest. Animals periodically flock to watch him whenever we pass by in the wilderness.
I'm still looking for his stats btw. However, by the end of everything, he had his +1 padded barding armor, a bone necklace which gives him a +1 on all saves, and a padded leather cap that gives him +1 on Will saves.

Our Dwarven cleric eventually fashions a metal dog whistle for me while everyone else gets series of cheap tin ones.

Petyr manages to survive up until the final battle when the Warlock chief sends him hurtling into a chasm. Eventually our team travels down to find his corpse but discover signs that he might have been summoned into a different dimension by divine forces.

I'd like to think he's somewhere in the astral planes fighting against Outsiders on behalf of some animal deity or something. At the campaign's conclusion, one of the NPCs we met, a scribe who became a Lore Master, writes a series of highly celebrated children's novels of the Singing War Dog, Guardian of the Witchgrove, Savior of Mistvale, and Champion of the 9th Order of Radiant Shields.
Level 5 Dog
HP 34 INIT +4
Speed 40
AC: 23 (+1 Small, +4 Dex +5 natural; +2 enchanted padding +1 necklace)
Attacks: Bite +6
Damage: 1D4 +3
Special: Survival (Scent)
Saves: Fort +6 Ref: +9 (+1 gear) Will +3 (+1 helm)
Abilities: STR 15 DEX 19 INT 3 CON 15 WIS 12 CHA 6
Spot +8, Listen +7, Climb +5, Swim +3, Jump +5, Intimidate +5, Diplomacy +1

Enchanted Padded Barding +1
Leather Cap of "Will" +1 vs Will
Bone Necklace of Courage +1 vs save
Dog Whistle (Radius 60ft; Handle Animal: Heel)

Heel, Stay, Attack, Defend, Guard, Watch, Fetch, Track, Down

+2 Diplomacy when accompanied by Paladin or Cleric
+1 reaction to 9th Order members (local clerical group)
Anyone else have good animal companion stories?
>implying we can top that

but srsly, no =(
Shoggy, perhaps.

I do hope OP's character got to rejoin him after he died/ascended.
Mother of Pearl I wish I had a REGULAR character that has accomplished that much
Same here. I miss Petyr. ;_;

In the conclusion of the campaign, our characters discovered a massive plot by a group of robber barons who sought to replace the good king Urloth the Raven Lord with the Warlock leader.

Petyr's greatest kill was either the tree ent or singlehandedly defeating a Griffin rider by doing a death-defying leap off a cliff, grappling with said griffin, and rolling off 30 feet of slope in snow terrain while I called shot the rider in the chest.

After that battle, we each decorated ourselves with griffin feathers while the sorceror and cleric cast healing spells. Petyr is described to have a single griffin feather hanging off his barding that is a sign that he slew one. In single combat.

On the other hand, his necklace was crafted out of horse hide, goblin and orc teeth, and the symbol of the 9th Order. Eventually the Cleric began to cast Blessing before the start of any skirmish. He is described to be seen with a white glow off his enchanted armor and helmet, standing beside our Paladin who carried the banner of his sect and the rest of us clad in grey, black, and silver armor.

Our campaign is a disgustingly good/divine high fantasy theme setting with iron age/steampunk elements. It was pretty epic in scale. One of my favorite moments was when we rode on a division of Gnomish/Dwarven airships to bombard an usuper/bandit fortress. The DM described Petyr as poking his head out of a single porthole and barking as the cannons roared. Afterwards he went to a corner and took a nap.

Captcha setsdame besieging
Somebody screenshot this thread for fucks sake, the story of petyr must go on. Its basically lassie on steroids... And significantly smaller.
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Shoggy the seldom dog.
Ours was a roleplay based campaign with heroism and dark humor. It wasn't very by-the-book so to speak. Most of our rolls were for combat and fluff. There was a policy against min-maxing and we were encouraged to help breathe life into the story.

Petyr began as a stray puppy found in the aftermath of a raid. He was sold to my character during one of his expeditions by a passing caravan. He is described to have a chestnut white coat and dark brown eyes with the droopy melancholy look of a beagle. He was roughly 10 kg in weight and had a very thin build.

After I picked Racial Enemy: Human, Goblinoid, Orc and Undead, I informed my DM that I would begin training Petyr in recognizing them individually. Due to his high skill in Listen and Spot, our DM altered it so that he would automatically detect signs of their presence.

Most of the 'conversation' via Speak with Animals spells were very childlike. For example:

>Hello Petyr
>"Hello Master"
>Our Bard wants to have a word with you
>"Oh! Oh! Will she sing me a nursery rhyme? I love those!"
>Unfortunately no. It has to do with protecting our caravan.
>"Caravan? What's that?"
>The large box with wheels and the horses. All the sharp pointy things, the clothes, food supplies and--
>"FOOD! I'm so hungry."
>You just ate, Petyr.
>"Please, please, Master, let me eat some of the apples!"
>"PLEASE." *DM tries to make hideous puppy face*
>I give Petyr an apple
>"Petyr starts doing the thing that dogs do and begins running around you and between your legs. If beagles could smile, you imagine he would."
>The Bard needs you to protect the box with wheels. The mean green people are trying to eat all the apples.
>"Oh no!"
>You must protect the apples, Petyr.
>"I will eat the green people before they eat the apples!"
>Good Petyr. Afterwards you must help me find us a deer. You can have steak
>"Yay! Petyr gets all the apples and deer and mean dead green people!"
Another conversation that took place after an early battle. Petyr took minor injuries and due to the ridiculous cute factor, most of the party would go out of their way to insure his safety.

DM: Petyr whines as he trots over. He stands on his hind legs and presses against your knee.

>I reach down to pet him

DM: He has a small gash on his hind leg. It's nothing serious.

>I take my dagger and cut off a piece of my cloak to bandage it.

DM: That's really not necessa--

>I do it anyways. That's my dog!

DM: Petyr recovers 1 HP. He licks your hands and nuzzles against you.

>I instruct him to "Watch" as I survey the surrounding area.

DM: Petyr barks in response and scurries over to one of the dead Gnolls. He stands triumphantly over it, looking around and panting with his tongue out.
Whats that Petyr? The bard is stuck in a well?
What? The Bard is fucking the fell?
Did I forget to mention how INSANE his Listen and Spot checks were especially in the beginning? At one point because of our early starting levels, he outranked most of us with his average skill bonuses but the +4 Survival: Scent bonuses made him able to pick up on critters outside of our line of sight.

After taking Hear the Unseen, he was able to detect INVISIBLE enemies and attack them. He was also instrumental as both distraction and lure. He wasn't a terrible watchdog either except he was prone to take naps often. After I trained him to perform the Watch trick, along with the help with Speak with Animals, Petyr became very disciplined.

He was, however, still prone to taking naps very often. Being young he was also known to be curious and adventurous. He once tried to bury a gemstone that he found off a dead Gnoll lieutenant as an offering to "the pretty leaf lady" and "the tiny insect glitter girl".
I vaguely remember some movie about a superhero beagle, that wasn't that great a movie but was okayish, and definitely should've starred petyr instead...
Cats & Dogs?
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Year 507 of Our Lord Se'Rythii

The 512th Band of Heroes appeared in our township at the break of dawn. Blessed be their names. We buried our dead the day before and relocated our young and elders to the nearest hamlet. One of our advance scouts reported their presence, heralded by the silver banner of the Paladin leading their vanguard.

The scouts reported activity over the plains of Black Grass, above the Eye of Kings, a full company of warg riders, goblins, and trolls in tow. They flew the red-black banner of the Usuper's Legions. Spit on his name.

With alarming speed, they led our remaining forces into the field and the sight that bestowed my eyes marked the turning of the tide. For it was not the siren song of their bard nor the heroic charge of their leader, but the presence of a small miniscule creature - a dog - clad in battle armor.

With frightening speed and viciousness uncommon to such a creature, it launched itself at the front ranks of the gnolls, appearing ignorant of the spears and halberds they raised. It moved with alarming speed, ducking past their spear walls, and began to tear at their ankles.

In the confusion, our light riders flanked them, followed by the handful of heavy cavalry past the Eye itself. The remaining militia, volunteers, led by the Band of Heroes, made short work of our enemies. The day was ours.

Only then did I spot the tiny mongrel, against all odds, emerge victorious. As daybreak cast its dying light over the battlefield, so too did that dog begin to disappear into the twilight. Like a ghost, a phantom, it turned to me for a moment and curse my eyes, it vanished into the air.

-- Excerpt from the Cleric Baelon's Chronicle of the Usuper's Defeat; realm of Jauntic
nah, that definitely wasn't the one I was thinking about, although that was mildly close. Definitely a vaguely similar premise
>party about to die
>Cleric prays for divine assistance
>suddenly the temple begins to shake
>a beam of heavenly white light rains down on the horde of undead enemies
>lich king screams at the presence of Torm's power
>suddenly it is interrupted by a single beam that shoots out from one of the pillars
>eyes begin to adjust
>it's a tiny beagle with armor and helmet
>adorable as fuck
>it sits on top of the dead lich king
>lifts it head and howls
>it bays with the sound of harmonic pitch, followed by the crow of unseen angels
>suddenly it vanishes, sucked upwards by the white light
>nursery rhyme

DM confirmed for babykin
>celestial planes
>kennels are luxurious fields of grass and mildew
>Mauler the Destroyer of Sin
>Three-Paw the Bastard of Light
>Nicholas the Champion of Hills
>Firewalker the Lord of Mithril
>Petyr the Companion of Heroes
Alright. That's pretty epic.

I think it might go well with this:
that'd be it, thanks mate.

I want to pet them all
There's quite a few stories from that campaign. Did you guys want anything in particular? Something cute? Something epic?

A lot of the cute stuff was just fluff. Petyr often worked well around children but he always had an affinity for the "green leaf lady". He would always try to bury scraps of food for her.

According to our DM, it's implied that the presence of celestial hounds and namely beagles amongst them may be partly to blame on Petyr's account.

The rest of the party dispersed after the campaign was over. My ranger retired in the northern wilderness and created a company whose goal was to monitor the surrounding trade lanes and repair the desecration of the usuper's forces.

The Paladin and Cleric joined the ranks of the Order. Eventually, according to the player, the Paladin dies dramatically against a lesser outsider. When she died, her body vanished and from time to time, she is seen with a tiny beagle at her side.

The Cleric, being a massive faggot, withdrew from public light. He donated most of his wealth to restoring ruined chapels and became a minor bishop. He's been known to keep a single griffin feather above his trophy case along beside a drawing of a dog.

The sorceror, being a cliche seductress, created a mage tower with access to multiple dimensions. She never did get along with Petyr and is, in fact, a cat lover.

The rogue joined the thief guild and became a notorious smuggler. Eventually he is captured but manages to escape. He has a small beagle puppy that has since grown to become his own personal guard dog. Said puppy was from a litter that was left outside the inn during our return to one city during a session.

The Bard wrote many songs about our group. This helped gain us more attention while most of our fame went to the other bigwigs out there who stole our thunder. The most popular song is the one about his fabled duel with the Singing War Beagle. Unfortunately because he's a bit of a liar and a habitual womanizer, nobody bothers to believe him.

As for Petyr? We all agreed he continued to have adventures in parts unknown. Maybe he chews off a Beholder's eye stalk. Maybe he winds up urinating on a Drow Matron's bed. Who knows? After surviving (except on five occasions, each with us saving him) he certainly deserves to be immortalized.
just go for it man, you've been posting awesomely so far.
Oh, I forgot to mention the NPCs.

The first thing that happened when we were summoned before the king himself was that we all kneeled on one knee. Petyr, on the other hand, tilted his head in confusion. During the middle of his speech and introduction, he proceeds to chase the royal princess' cat and knocks over a brass candlestick. The DM took the effort to describe the noise making one of the stock and still guards jump in his armor awkwardly.

The King, upon hearing news of Petyr's disappearance, commissions a granite statue in the center of the royal gardens along with a plaque of his achievements.

The Dryad was never seen again after we met her. However, in that area, from time to time, small gemstones are known to be found in the dirt especially by young children.

The Wood Sprite, being an annoying sack of shit, continues to play tag with random animals. Unfortunately she gets eaten by a badger because they don't give a shit for antics.

The scribe/lore master, being our NPC woobie and the butt of our many jokes, writes a series of successful children's stories. Due to our constant chastising, we barely get any royalties. The Laughing Hound is sold regularly at general stores in the form of parchments and dime novels. There are many wooden toys of beagles in the Northern province.
After Petyr gains a +1 INT and thereby becoming sentient and no longer an animal, the DM spent a lot of time arguing with the group about Petyr wanting to run off and be his own person. However, due to the existing Link feat (he was my animal companion at that point), and the love he has for the rest of us, he *voluntarily* chose to stay.

He began to show signs of intelligence beyond that of a normal dog. For example, he would instinctively wait for people to open doors or bark only when necessary. Thanks to repeat communication and training, he became self-aware and would often try to be helpful.

One of my favorite moments (amongst many obviously) was how the DM described that he would run off and come back with small animals like snakes and rabbits which gives us an automatic +1 to survival checks in the wilderness depending on circumstance. This also means Petyr was known to bring us wooden sticks, identify poisonous mushrooms and flora, and survey the area for game. On his own.
> Wood Sprite

After successfully committing murder and arson against a bandit outpost, collecting the reward money, and 'investing' in the smuggling ring business within the city where the bandits previously held influence, our group wanders off for the capital in search of more clues.

However, while resting at a nearby field by a river brook (where our group decided to spend time resting), Petyr wanders off to explore the area. Mind you, this was before he gained his +1 INT. He would have been your three year old beagle puppy, curious and playful.

After a while my character begins to worry that he hasn't returned by nightfall. Previous conversations often involved the words "bad" "stay" and "night". I decide to take the bard and thief with me as I track down our beloved dog.

Eventually we find him in a clearing where he appears to be leaping at some kind of a fast moving little sprite. The damn thing has some kind of a hybrid fairy-sprite thing going on because it can somehow fly. Nearby sprites are hanging off the trees, cheering it on as he repeatedly bops Petyr on the nose.

Fuck her.

Just as I'm about to turn her into a kebab, they spot us. Without saying anything, the sprite throws glitter in Petyr's face and flies off laughing. Poor Petyr begins sneezing glitter everywhere non-stop. The sorceror upon our return detects that it's some kind of a protective warding. Whatever.

Fast forward. The warding stays with us for the next couple of days. Petyr sneezes glitter everywhere. The bard, being slow, thinks its a good idea to make glitter-snot potions as an experiment. I beat him over the head.

Long story made short. Magical wood creatures are emerging because bandits are burning the forest in an attempt to use scorched earth tactics against the king's men. An angry ent appears and tries to kill us all. Paladin fails his diplomacy check spectacularly. It steps on the bard and strangles the thief unconscious. Bastard kicks Petyr into the bushes.


Just as we're about to get raped by an angry tree, Petyr leaps out of the bushes. He's got glitter all over his nose. Out of choices, he decides to attack the ent. Somehow he manages to make a hit and due to having that spell (forgot the name) that gives his fangs extra bonuses, he damages it...which apparently is just enough to kill the damn thing. It was a young sapling after all.

We look at each other. Petyr barks, wagging his tail, and moves on top of the fallen sapling. The bard immediately declares his inspiration for a new song.

>Warg slavers

During another session, we learn from several survivors of a caravan attack that several of their members - mostly women and children - have been taken captive by goblin slavers. This was still early on in our campaign so we were very much low-level. Those guys were still a moderate threat especially with a group of 30 odd protected by half a dozen warg riders.

Decide to go after them. Leadership feat allows the Paladin to convince several caravan guards to provide cavalry support. We make our way hot on their trail. Eventually we enter a ravine with a high vantage point perfect for an ambush.

Navigating around them, we set up a kill zone and funnel mouth by the right flank of the slave train. Beyond the ridge to the left are the cavalry and paladin. Our cleric casts bless as Petyr moves up beside the paladin and cavalry.

Engage the goblins. Paladin one-hit kills a rider with his lance. Archer fire mows down the surrounding guards, leading to confusion. Suddenly a frenzied warg goes after a group of children.

>"Petyr! Attack!"

Petyr goes after the warg. It looks pretty grim.

>dem natural 20s
>dat beagle magic

Warg dies in a single hit. DM facepalms as we all cheer. As a result, Petyr climbs on top of the dead warg and takes a leak on it as the surrounding children pet him.
>Bastard kicks Petyr into the bushes
>Petyr leaps out
>manages to make a hit
>just enough to kill
Oh God.

>The Gypsy Caravan

While visiting one of the rural towns near the borders of the kingdom, following clues that might lead us to the next murder-arson-loot dungeon, our bard picks up on an interesting job opportunity. A group of gypsy entertainers need help being escorted to the town we're going before a local festival begins.

>lusty gypsy women
>husky Hispanic rogue dudes
>free liquor
>opportunity to sell music and promote own career

Bastard comes running, virtually begging us to go. Right the fuck now. She's almost crying enough that the sorceress casts detect magic on her to see if she's charmed. No, she's just fucking horny.

>I look at Petyr

DM: Petyr looks up at you as if to say, "What's her problem?"

>cast Speak with Animals

DM: "Master, what's wrong with singing lady?"

>Petyr, I think she's in heat.

DM: "Oh. You can fix that."

Entire table looks at me.
Bardess' player looks at me.


DM: Bring her a leaf. Bitches love leaves.


We go with the gypsy caravan. Not much that session. Attempted raid. Discover abandoned church. Gypsies think it's haunted. Usual raiding and looting. Petyr stays behind in the camp.

When we come back to the camp, the children are chasing Petyr and vice versa. The elders comment that this puppy has a gift and should be kept close. Paladin, being a massive faggot, decides to share the loot with the gypsy Jews.

>That Evening...

Gypsies are celebrating. Thief getting busy with the belly dancer (whom he convinced to dance topless) and Paladin keeping an eye on the now drunken Cleric (he's a dorf).

>Roll Knowledge: Nature
>approach bardess
>offer her a leaf

Whole table smiles.
Fade to black.

>next morning
>Petyr is standing on top of you
>he stares at you
>you are naked
>What happened?
>"Told you it works!"
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I like these stories

That is all
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Are you ready for your feels?

>final battle

Epic siege against at the Palace of Kings. Flocks of undead wyverns, skeletons, and dark forces surround the capital. Our friends have spread the word throughout the entire kingdom and as far beyond the continent. More heroes and warriors appear for the penultimate battle than an MMO instance.

>take Petyr aside
>went from level 3 to level 15
>studded leather armor +4, longbow +4 (2D4 fire enchantment), silver longsword +2 (DC:25 vs Slay undead); quiver of infinite arrows, end-game gear, etc, etc

Our party is standing from one of the ramparts and facing the center of the city where the Palace is located. Above it hovers the Warlock's floating fortress of DOOOOOOM. Griffin riders, gnome zeppelins, desperately engaged in epic dog fight with wyverns above black-red swirls in the sky. Periodically beams of light shoot down into the city where Paladins/Clerics/Holy Shit people are calling for assistance.

DM: Hello Master

>Hello Petyr

DM: Is something wrong?

>Petyr, this might be the last time we fight together

DM: Fight? D-Did I do something wrong?

>No, I mean...This is the last time we eat the bad people and the rotting ugly bone people.

DM: M-Master? What do you mean? A-Are you leaving me?

>whole table sighs with feels
>DM gives a sadistic yet bittersweet smirk
>"No, Petyr, we will eat the green people and the ugly bones people and any other people. Together. Always."

DM: Petyr nods slowly as if understanding.

DM: M-Master? I have eaten many people with you. Petyr loves you.

>I know, Petyr. If I am eaten, do not try to eat the eater of me. Run. Eat again someday. Understand?

DM: Petyr goes silent for a moment.

DM: Petyr will fight with you, Master, until Petyr is eaten. Petyr is not afraid. Petyr loves you and the singing lady and the shiny man and the tiny man and black raccoon man!

> sorceress pouts
>"What about the sparkly woman?"

DM: Nah. She likes cats more than she likes Petyr.

>Good Petyr
>things that never happened
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Godspeed you, noble companion.
Never let truth get in the way of a good story.
Embellishment, lies and fabrication are what we do, after all.

I have played scenes I wouldn't believe if someone told me about them and had characters do things I didn't think I could come up with.
A little bit of collaboration between DM and players like that is nothing.
Bump. Someone cap this.
A fine tale.
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petyr whyyyyy
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Well, we had our Paladin's horse.

Not her Paladin Mount (we were first level), her horse. For the first several sessions it was the party MVP, starting when it critted on a goblin. I named him "Bloodsquelcher" as a joke, it soon turned prophetic. When he saved the Rogue's and Paladin's bacon by killing a Leonal (long story) the GM ended up giving him some sort of Champion of Corruption template or something, I dunno.
Story time?
I'm not sure I could do it justice: it's been years since it happened and a lot of the memories are kind of muddled. Also, trying to work on final projects. If the thread is still up later tonight I'll see if I can at least share the story of Bloodsquelcher and the Village of Lycanthropes.
>the story of Bloodsquelcher and the Village of Lycanthropes

This sounds really good.

>Beagle Warrior and Champion of Corruption
>Bloodsquelcher meets The Laughing Hound
>most famous children's story in the realm
>depicted as rivals
>in reality, their actual meeting is them chasing each other in an open field

Disgustingly adorable.
Haven't done much tabletop in general, and nothing that'll top Petyr. My first character was a half-orc druid with a camel companion named Daisy
>Everybody in the group is new as fuck, we have no clue what we're in for
>Party is a human monk, human bard, elf sorceress, half-orc druid, and most importantly, Daisy
>Our home village has sent us to complete a yearly coming of age ritual where we retrieve some magical fire
>10 minutes later we've been jumped by orcs and our monk is more blood than man
>Sorceress and bard can't hit anything, I miss my attacks as well
>Daisy is having none of this
>Roll to bite, nat 20
>Secure the crit
>First orc goes down in a spray of blood and camel bellows
>Table is silent
>Daisy bellows and screeches her way over to the other, now fleeing orcs
>Bites one in half, rips the other's leg off
>We patch up the monk and continue
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>I-I protected the a-apples, Master.
>Petyr is the g-good puppy...


Roll vs feels
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>M-Master? Where are you?
>Petyr is flying
>Petyr sees white light
>Loud man with hammer wants Petyr to go with him to the kennels
>Petyr say no
>Petyr...waits for Master
Petyr waits for his master. But he eats bad men while he waits. Petyr is the hero we wish we where good enough to deserve.
>Stop to make a camp innawoods
>I find us a good spot
>We get cozy and start nodding off
>Draw my weapon and prepare to fight
>Wolves wake up Daisy
>Daisy is not a morning person, and even less of a midnight person
>She lets out a bellow that was apparently mistaken for dragon roars back in town
>Wolves decide that this is above their pay grade and run before they end up as camel floss

>Party comes to huge muddy ravine
>Roll acrobatics every so often nobody is doing too badly
>Bard slips and breaks his everything
>Lash him to Daisy and get her to move to the bottom
>Nat 20's the acrobatics roll
>Instead of walking through the most dangerous portion she decides to fly
>Fucking leaps from just over halfway down the ravine to the bottom
>Sticks the landing
>Farts on the bard

>A few days later, I'm patching the bard up as quickly as possible
>We've set up camp outside the tomb holding the flame
>Sorceress is outside doing something or other
>Monk is in the makeshift tent helping me rebuild the bard
>Hear howling
>It's those fucking wolves again
>Sorc tosses them a bit of food and two of them leave
>Third wolf prefers elf to hardtack
>Sorc uses a torch to keep the wolf back
>Tries to throw it
>Misses completely
>Wolf moves in
>Out of fucking nowhere Daisy rushes the wolf
>Wolf has an 'Oh shit' moment and tries to run
>One round and one disassembled wolf later
>Farts on the Sorceress
Oh hey you're the guy from that other thread
>Bard is standing again
>We take a crack at the tomb
>Open the door
>Get on the floor
>Come face to face with about 10 skeletons
>We're all in single-file due to the narrow hallway
>Daisy is at the front and can't turn around
>Sorc doesn't have line of sight
>Ceiling is too low for me to mount up
>Fight is basically every skeleton in the tomb vs Daisy and the bard
>Bard plays some horrifying mixture of remove kebab and techno
>On a lute
>Skeletons go first and through their combined efforts manage to land a single hit on Daisy
>Daisy turns into a whirlwind of skeleton smiting, accompanied by possibly the worst song ever heard by human ears
>Those poor skeletons
>Takes about 10 rounds just because the skeletons have to keep stepping over each other
>Daisy has gone full berserker now and is gnawing on the bone decorations around the now undead-free tomb
>We take a look around and find some locked doors
>40 ft pool of water with the bottom littered with keys
>Bard dives in
>Bard can't swim
>Tie one ond of 50ft rope to rock and toss it into the pool
>Tie the other end to Daisy
>Bard is ejected from the water via camel power
>Daisy farts on the bard

That's about as far as we got. Haven't been able to play with the group since

Yeah. That version was where the bard actually died, until we realized he'd actually only gone down to -9 from his fall and didn't have to reroll a new guy. We just redid those bits, but they turned out largely the same
I kek'd. It's good.
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