Listen up, youngsters! There be some Inkvisishan representative in me field 'ospital... Well, tent. 'e wants 'ta check all 'o our troops fer carruptchon. Any'un who dashun't come 'ta be checked is suspected of hearsay 'e told me, as strange as that sounds. Well, 'e also said that suspects will be just interogeitad in the near future, when 'e has more time.
I'm assuming leadership until either Mikhailovich or Lemming returns (I think they have been simply busy), and as they are better leaders, I make just some fillers that don't really affect the overall story. I'll do the next one on Monday 2pm global time, if they haven't returned before that. Sorry for possible inconvenience
I speak Dusk dialect, an' I be proud 'ta keep speakin' it! Low goffic... What be it with youngsters an' changin' 'em tradishuns. Well, yer sky people are good an' all, but try 'ta learn a new way of speaking when yer as ol' as me, it ain't easy.
well... I mean that I live in a country where our clock is set to global time+2 hours. At my time zone's 4pm it would be 2pm in Britain, and 9 am in Washington DC for example
We are still waiting for necessary matheriels. They are bein'... Reqaiushishonned? By Nihae- Nihai... Ni-Ha-Y-O-An. Yer sky people 'ave some weird names.
I see. The ears looked strange, but so do many others. Like... Well, yer. How do yer people get yer beard like that? I don't know what star magic it be, but I want me some, heh.
I hope he knows mister I. I haven't received my letter, and its past the time I should answer. *sounds of ration pack being opened can be heard from inside*
I massage it every day with strong Vostroyan moustache oil. You may have spare bottle, if you like.
Generally just goofing around, nothing major.
pretty much freeform roleplay, telling of penal regiment designation /tg/ in warhammer 40k universe. Most of the time not serious, it focuses on characters, their backstories, their quirks and how they react to other, just as unique penal guardsmen. If you want, you can join. If you want more knowledge, I can post links to archive and 1d4chan
I'd like that. If yer want, I have me some Dusk fungus juice. Strong stuff, enough 'ta put da Inquisishar that first found me tribe under the table with one gulp, heh!
The Inquisition? Well we're bloody well screwed if he finds Gibbers. We need to keep him away from the Valkyrie
Hm...Sir, there is a minor bit of business I wished to discuss with you if you have the time. Nothing major I assure you.
>continues to drink tea.
Gary! How you been mate? How's the forest been treating you?
Also, none of my settings are saving for some reason now, does anyone know how to fix this?
*Puts it on* Thanks! Want a ration pack? Cadians leave some every time they try to borrow ammo from this box. Lemme see... Heavy bolter rounds. Figures their crates had something so uncomfortable to lie on...
It admittedly has been a bit dull just sitting around in the Chimera, which we should probably get to fixing, our Captain is not enthusiastic about the delay.
Of course we still need that turret, is the Depot cleared yet?
Nah, da 'monsters're are demons, not squiggly beasts
ALWRIGHT WOT ARE YOU DOIN ERE?!
STEP IN LINE, DESPITE DA FACT DAT A LINE IZ A WUN-DIMENSHUNOL ENTITY AND IZ DEREFOR IMPOSSIBLE TO BE INSIDE UFF
Nah, bud I'm set...
Haven't explored the depot much, been in the woods, checking the perimeter. But, I did find a brewed up old Chimera in there. Hull is beyond saving, but the turret is ok. Damn thing even has an autocannon...
Never you mind him, kid...
He is absolutely an ork. But he seems to think he's human. I've tried to deal with him but no luck. Best we let an Inquisitor sort him out...
You're joking? If we can get that turret then we'll have two Autocannons, assuming we get the parts to fix the one back up on the ship. What do we need to get that turret off do you think?
You're right, though do you think the turret ring is salvageable off the wrecked hull? If so we could just cut it off with the turret and stick it on ours. Even grunts like us could do that and we need a new one anyway.
>Greg feels the gaze of Pic related on him
Mhm, I'll grab the tools from the Chimera.
>ducks into the Chimera, returning with a backpack of tools, along with some whiskey.
You want some of this for later mate?
Rolled 14 (1d20)
AND OI IZ A EN-SEE-OH NOW GET WAAAARGHING YOU MEASLY LITTLE GROT!
ALROIGHT KNOW IT'S TIME TA GET TA DA FRONT LOINES AND KICK SUM DEAMON ARSE!
Rolling to start the chimera with mad Orky power!
Yer scared, laddy? Hmm... 'Ere, 'ave this. *takes two small wooden statues from a pocket of his wheelchair and gives one of them to Greg* that be a little Empyrar-amulet. To protect yer. I made it meself when I heard of the great star spirit, I did.
Heres a tip for you if you want to keep all your teeth around here lad, there's only three people you call 'Sir', the Captain obviously, myself, although Sergeant would be prefered, or Commissars and anyone more menacing than them.
The Junior Commissar that was around somewhere....I'm not so sure about, the Captain seems to be ignoring him.
>pours half the bottle into a spare canteen and offers it to Gary.
Shall we be off then chap?
Oi'! Don't be touching my Chimera! She's still unarmed from that 'incident' with the Plasma Weapons!
*Wheelchairs away looking at the remaining statue that he put on his paralyzed lap* you there, Ol' Lady need some fixin'. I'll have 'ta remake yer from some foreign wood if yer don't stop cracking...
>sets off after Gary to the Chimera wreck.
What pattern of Chimera are we off to dig out anyway? I doubt we're lucky enough to get anything heavy.
Eh, as long as the turret works I suppose it'll do.
Btw, is the Kronus-Pattern Chimera even a thing? It looks like it isn't but the internet is being conflicted....as usual.
GARY! I RECOGNIZE YOUR MELODIOUS VOICE FROM FAR AWAY. I THOUGHT YOU WERE HERE BECAUSE YOU THREW A BEDPAN AT YOUR COMMISSAR?
OH LOOK A NEWCOMER.
YOU ARE HERE ON THE GLORIOUS DUTY OF DYING FOR THE EMPEROR.
OI! CAN'T YOU HAVE A TECHPRIEST FIX THIS FOR YOU?
Attention all units.
It seems the archives and paperwork of this regiment is severely outdated. Care to give me a short update?
I used to try and keep track of the characters / events, but I got a job meanwhile and haven't had the time to do it properly since. Drop shit that happened here, I'll see it gets updated.
Those metal people? *shudders* they creep me out. B'sides, Ol' Lady here be human, an' me statue be wood. Those... THINGS... Wouldn't be willing to help, I reckon.
We have a Chimera now, two actually but the second one is screwed, we're now planetside on Cadia, Gibbers only has one arm now and the freshly repainted Chimera -Vostroyan Crimson- is now turretless and needs a new turret ring and turret because someone left a Plasma Gun and a Multi-Melta active and they melted them.
I am unsure if you were here when Captain Milhailovich took command and I guess made me his second, if not, that also happened.
There is certainly more but my comrades will have to fill you in on that.
regiment continued its journey in space, finally reaching Cadia. It got Lemming as a "Commissar" (as he found a hat), and Mikhailovich ordered to act as commander as well as liaison officer, and as far as anyone can tell, this assignment is permanent. Individually there has been many happenings, but I can tell only a little as I barely remember the last session, not to speak of older ones. There have been new guardsmen, most of which haven't been seen regularly, and I (player of Gibbers) made this new charcter, who is leader of a tribe on the Feral world of Dusk, rolling around in a wheelchair whining about youngsters and "Stinkin' chemykals", and his empty herb supply. Additionally, got convicted for heresy (which he continuously misinterprets as hearsay) as he believes Emperor is a "star spirit" and venerates "Ol' Lady" at least as much as him. And Gibbers got second mutation (a clawed arm) plus got his tentacle arm shot off his torso. Please add your character development for this and add things I forgot
We'll be heading out when the Captain gives us our marching orders, although he seems to have vanished again. Odd but no matter, if you thirst for a fight there'll probably be cultists in the woods for you to hunt.
I suspect the good Sister isn't aware of your 'Old Lady', best not to tall about her around the Sister. She might get....upset.
Mhm, well with the absence of the Captain I suppose I'll be 'processing' you. What exact branch if Engineering do you specialize in, how many years have you served and what did you do to get reassigned here?
That's right, although there are a few that are famous enough to be reasonably well known.
Oh hey Sis, good to uh, see ya. And yeah, except it was just a puke captain, and I threw it at him cause I didn't want to be promoted by him.
sorry for absence there
No worries mate, I'm just worried about how bad we're gonna fuck up trying to cut this Chimera's turret ring off. Calling two Nat1's.
I did bomb disposal for a time, but due to injury transferred to artillery maintenance, which I've been doing for the past few years.
I was reassigned due to, ah, unauthorised modifications to a CO's vehicle.
'Unathorized modifications' eh? So, you have experience with fixing armoured vehicles then? That's fortunate, but what's the catch?
I have me ol' statue 'ere, it be cracked. I want 'ta fix it, an' was 'bout 'ta file it, but then yer showed up, lucky me. I can pay yer wit some o' me fungus juice, straight from Dusk. But the chimera comes first, I'll keep good care o' Ol' Lady till it be fixed.
Well since our Sapper seems to have disappeared, we might as well......bloody hell, the Inquisitors up, no work getting done today.
>turns to Gary and whispers "Do we jump in the Chimera and haul ass before he finds Gibbers or do we just get the questioning over with?".
You might be the only American, I'm a Praetorian IRL myself, come at me.
>consumes more tea.
Rolled 10 (1d20)
This Chimera is fucked, remember? There's still some bodies inside the compartment. Well, pray Throne the Inquisitor is moderate enough... if he finds gibbers I'll explain he's being used as a one time explosive asset, which is true, cause those are some heavy damn incendiary charges I loaded that vest with...
Let's just keep working and maybe he won't bother us.
rolling to get turret off
Might as well start this. What be the worst that could happen, eh?
if yo decide to attend to the check-up, it can be roleplayed or you can decide your results. I'll just tell the result in a later post, until which, Gibbers time
Rolled 18 (1d20)
Not this one, the turretless one, it can still drive, plus I think the Captain's inside, so not like he can get mad at us for stealing it.
Rolling to help remove turret. Nat 1 incoming! It's over!
Rolled 1 (1d20)
Ah, sorry for wandering off sir, just familiarising myself with the camp.
A chimera? They're, ah, a bit like manticores, right? I've worked on them a couple times, I guess I could give it a go.
rolling to assist Gary with the turret
Soldiers listen up! Since last time I managed to tunnel the entire area around our base, but I lost my map. None of you enters until I found the map. I'm pretty sure I've set up some deadly traps in them, but I can't remember where.
Ah, have some faith in yerself, looks like we did it. Oh and ok, but I haven't ever run from anything, ain't about to run from some Inqy.
*shine of lust in single eye intensifies*
I'll probably end up heading over to RP it out but by the Emperor what are you doing?! Gibbers will doom us all!
>PRAYER TO THE EMPEROR INTENSIFIES.gif
Come on......almost there.....
>dismounts his side of the turret from it's mount.
Gibbers was always meant to die: I made him for the purpose of seeing how much you would learn of him before he had to go, what our regiment could tolerate. I'm pleasantly surprised he's still alive.
>Appears from the bushes dragging a large but tasty beast caught in a leg trap
...Wait, you aren't my unit.
Honestly a part of it that I just try to not be an asshole(And on several occassions fail miserably) so if killing the characters can be avoided, I'll usually take the avoid option. Of course if I didn't then I suspect my SW Imperial's PC kill count would be much higher only counting IC justified kills so I don't know what's better.....
Was that just the turret or the turret+ring we took off? I can't imagine the ring needing checks since it's just cutting a square around it and even Pleb-Tier Guardsmen can do that.
If you really don't belong to this unit run as fast as possible. Even the traitor legions are better than this. But if you want you can leave your gun and food here.
*Sends away Rogan and mumbles aloud while he writes* result... Further investigation... Deviant faith... "Old Lady aka. Dusk Hag... Possible Tzheentzhian manipulation, psychic probing shows no evidence. Alright. First one down. Next!
It's not mine either ma'am, but my unit got declared KIA and this was the closest one so, welcome to the club....
>taps his uniform jacket
.....I have spare club jackets if you want one. They're nice and warm.
Doubt it. Traitor legions are pretty bad. They just have good PR, I would know.
Neat. I probably got left behind. oh well. Probably stay here until I can regroup then.
yeah we definitely got everything we needed
Another Felinid. Great. Yeah, the QM gave you good advice just now. But keep your shit. We really don't need it.
Alright then, just need to carry this over, weld it onto our Chimera then make sure the welds are airtight and we'll be good.
Then of course we need to go see that Inquisitor. I can't imagine it being pleasant.
Well then ma'am, you're welcome to stay as long as you need, provided you don't flee in terror. Just check the ammo box before you sit on it.
Aye, one of our Quartermasters is a Felinid, alright girl from the limited experience I had with her.
Go for it mate, pick whatever you want.
Just did, this reminds me of Mages Guild so im sure you'll be fine
I don't flee.
I consume three times the average guardsman's weight in raw meat every week, Does that count?
We'll hopefully get along and not provide entertainment and fuel for horrible 'cat fight' jokes then.
it is encouraged
Mainly making sure there is no taint within your ranks. Speaking of which... Do you know of any individuals within this regiment who may be more likely than others to have been touched by chaos? Well, excuse me for a while... But I'll expect to have an answer when we are finished with this trooper.
So, let's begin. I will run analysis with this device here, and would you kindly tell me your name, rank and preference on honorifics.
Please ma'am, I was implying no cowardice on your part, and apologize profusely for any possible offence, I was merely saying that one must be partially mad to willingly stay here.
As for any jokes, inform myself or our Captain of any problems, they will be handled swiftly.
Marhabaan new comrades! I am assigned to you from accidental explodings of previous unit in service of Emperor. All misunderstanding!
I look forward to explode many enemy of Emperor with you!
Well, outside of the dude in the chest nobody seems to be obviously tainted. Then we have a Sergeant who paints himself purple, but I suppose thats some feral world stick.
And then there are those cats that were controlled by a Deamon some time ago and still piss in my armoury, but the other Quatermaster insists that we have to keep them.
Do I enjoy war? You know where I'm from, Inquisitor? War is all I know, war is all I enjoy, war is the only thing I was ever made for! Though I guess if I ever did by some chance settle down, I'd sell weapons to responsible Imperial citizens.
I see. So no particular liking for bloodshe-
*Instantly breaks interview hearing the words "obviously tainted" and "Dude in the chest"* WHAT DUDE IN WHAT CHEST?! I SENSE CHAOS AND HERESY!
A Tallarn? All we need now is a Mordian and a Steel Legionare and a Valhallan and we'll have one from each of the major Guard Worlds. I approve
Mhm, alrighty then, just try to avoid blowing up our Chimera, we haven't even got it fixed again yet.
But on to processing. Military experience, years served and....we can skip the reason for reassignment eh?
Easy Inquisitor, we got us a little mutie in the box is all. He's harmless though. See that vest, and this detonator? Soon as opportunity strikes, he'll be redeemed
Going to do the decent thing and pretend the name says 'Inquisitor Verus Grevan'
>stands at attention
That would be 'Gibbers' Sir, they keep him locked in a box until they plan to use him as a suicide bomber. I don't know why Sir, as he predates my 'joining' this Regiment.
Gibbers, like a gibbering, insane wreck of a man. I think it's because of all the other massacre survivors went insane, because I don't speak gibberish.
Inquisitor Verus Grevan, Nametags go haywire now.
True, we all enjoy a touch of madness from time to time lass, but this Regiment is bloody nuts. However if you insist on staying then the least I can do is get you some refreshments.
Would you prefer tea, recaf or perhaps something alcoholic?
Rolled 2 (1d20)
I assume we've already lugged the turret over to the chassis?
Alright, let's attach this turret then. I'll, ah, try to get it right this time.
inb4 nat 1 again rolling to connect turret hydraulics and wiring to chassis
I serve for 2 years in armoured fist squad for mighty Tallarn 78th! Jump out, throw demo charge at xenos, jump in, drive away. One day, I throw not so good... Now I am here for exploding enemies of Emperor!
By the Emperor what are you doing?! I think we should leave it be till Gary done with the Inquisitor, once the Inquisitor resumes the interview. Or until Gibbers eats the fellow.
That's horrible luck mate, still I'm not once to talk, I'll probably Nat 1 next.
Speaking of, Gary do you reckon a backpack of tools should give a bonus to fixing the Chimera? It's up to you because I don't mind either way.
Hmph. I'll give him the benefit of doubt. I'll verify his allegiance before making my choice. *walks over to the box and forcibly drags Gibbers into the tent*
Very good ma'am.
>climbs into the Chimera, returning with a mug of hot recaf.
Hope this works for you.
Accidents happen mate, long as you don't make a habit of it then you'll be fine.
Heresy is forwards, imperium is backwards.
Embrace the chaos.
Mash'Emperor! One day it was my dream to join rough rider regiment and explode xenos with lance of detonation.
When is weapon assigned? Unit strip me of all weapons. Can you believe; 'Al'raheez, you are not to be trusted' they say!
Now, there are very few things that rustle a Praetorian but this is one of them. I am.....ABSOLUTELY FURIOUS. I'll take your limbs you Heretical chucklefuck!
As the Emperor wills it! I shall distribute the tools immediately.
When we try next you can borrow some of the Chimera's tools, should make the job a bit easier.
>sets the toolpack next to the Chimera's hull.
By converting to chaos i have increased my xenos purging tenfold.
Skulls for the skull throne, blood for the blood god.
TWO DOUBLE HERETICAL REMARKS EARN TWO EXECUTIONS! BY TWO WAYS! GUARDSMEN, BURN THE CORPSE AND SET THE ASHES ON FIRE WITH PROMETHIUM SO HE BURNS TWICE!
Apologies ma'am, we have very little good recaf left and we're saving it for the Captain. Plenty of Govenor Grey though.
Hm, wait here....
>jogs over to the wrecked Chimera and clambers in.
>climbs out and joga back over with a pair of Lasguns.
Take your pick, Standard or Carbine?
Don't worry about it, we need to stick together here mate.
Da, 3+ to repair rolls. Bueno.
The ultimate truth is that our God Emperor is eternal! YOU ARE NOT!
At once Sir! Lads, find me a Flamer!
Ah, nice carbine like we have on Tallarn! Good for running and sneaking.
>gleefully grabs the carbine before fiddling with various parts of the weapon's casing
By the Emperor. thank you!
...do you have any explosive device?
Ouch, why would your Regiment not be issued adequate drinking water?
You needn't worry about that here ma'am, Penal Regiment or not, we Praetorians have standards.
For explosives, you'll need to see the Quartermaster, all I have is the frags on my beltkit.
ATP would be considered nutso by 75% of the Mechanicus for helping squishy meatbags as much as he does.
Does adding a lascannon and Krak grenade launcher to a Chimera's turret count as improving or not?
*Looks up at you from his flamer attachment and sticks it onto his mechadendrite before burbling machine code unhelpfully.*
Disgraceful, but as I said we'll put an end to that here. If you need anything speak to myself or the Quartermaster, depending on what you need.
My apologies then, was just the IC style of speech reminded me of him. Well that and that he used to be the only other guy that used >
*Returns to Gibbers* now... Tell me what you follow, and why I should not destroy you... *withdraws into tent, and only up close the talk can be heard and even then, it is hard to discern words*
Disregard Mechanicus, acquire Guardsmen Comrades.
Excuse me, erm....
>turns to the other Guardsmen.
Oi', anyone know what rank our resident Techpriest is? Feels wrong just calling him 'Cogboy'.
Cogman! Please may I be borrowing your tools for upgrading lasgun? Not tech heresy! Promise!
Haha, fair enough. I'm imagining Al'raheez talking somewhat like Rolf from Ed Edd and Eddy crossed with Sallah from Indiana Jones
Alright. I don't actually know my official rank, My squad only respected the Commissar and our leader.
Personally I use > for actions cause thats what we do in Mages guild
>grasps at something that looks vaguely like a pair of pliers and starts fiddling with the barrel of the lascarbine
Yes, this will be a true weapon of a warrior of Tallarn!
Hm, well we'll start you off at Corporal then, you can choose your own squad assignment, truthfully I think the only two choices would in the Regimental Command Squad, which means you get to sit in the Chimera with my lads, or with Gary, the Catachan you might have seen around here.
I'd make sure to ask him about that first though, he rather enjoys his independence.
gotta go sleep now, so Gibbers will be interrogated for a longer while. Have fun guys, if the thread is still up at that point I'll return when I wake up
>finishes fiddling with the lasgun, appearing very pleased with his work despite having apparently done nothing
Where am I assigned nice Praetorian sir? Perhaps I ride in Chimera again, ready to throw charge of demolition into midst of naughty xenos?
As you wish ma'am, he should be available soon.
I'm afraid not lad, myself and the Captain banned anyone from using weapons in the Chimera outside of the crew after a Stormtrooper melted the turret.
It should be alright if you climb out to throw the explosives first though.
Speaking of that turret, what say we get it mounted then get pissed mate?
Indeed, perhaps we should stick to ballistic weapons with this turret. If someone manages to melt the -entire turret- while using an Autocannon we have bigger problems.Hm, I don't suppose you could mount the Grenade Launcher from the old turret on the new one? I was impressed with your handiwork.
Supposed to choose where to go, Was never much for vehicles so that leaves you, and what I assume is recon work or somethin.
No no, same rule in Tallarn army, no problem! I am expert at jump out, throw charge, and jump in. Haha, most of the time I hit target! Kaboom!
Who do I ride with? You? Or grumpy man of jungle?
>gestures towards Gary
Yeah I do whatever I feel like, pretty much.
*hammers a panel into place*
But recon is something all Catachans are damn good at. I reckon you are too, being all... catty. But just how good are you?
Does the barrel have a cooling jacket already installed or should we get creative? It's not like we haven't jury rigged more important parts before.
>starts taking measurements for the hull plating.
Yeah its got one, but it's empty. Must be a crack in it somewhere. The cogboy can take care of that.
I don't care if you come with me, just be able to shut up when you have to.
No! We already lost one turret due to plasma weapons getting hot, we aren't risking another one.
Autocannon and a Grenade Launcher should be fine.
You'll be riding with me, Gary is usually out scouting the enemy positions anyway. He's just in the Chimera now because he's a great chap to have around.
Rolled 19 (1d20)
>She gestures at the large carnivores corpse still with a leg trap on it, The one she drug in with her
Pretty good if I say so myself. Grew up on a deathworld.
>Rolling for the size of whatever she brought in
Do not be worry man of jungle! One day I will teach you the Tallarn way of ambush!
Mash'Emperor. What is current situation? We fight xenos? Heretic?
I've probably got another hour before I've got to call it a night guys but this is actually pretty fun.
Which is what, bragging the enemy to death?
Throne damn, chickadee! You aint half bad at all. Give me any parts you don't want to eat, I need ingredients for my moonshine still.
This is Cadia, so our main enemy are the foul forces of chaos, but we are in an rather calm area, since our equipment isn't ready.
I still fortified the position a bit and set up some tunnels under our base.
You don't give yourself enough credit Gary. I dare say you woulf be a very likely Command Squad candidate of you didn't assault Officers with bedpans.
Techpriest is a great guy too, don't quite understand why he bothers to be around us Guardsman that much though.
By the Emperor she hunted and killed a Grox the size of a Bio-Titan.
We'll be fighting Heretics once we get our marching orders. Although I'm still curious as to what's in that Depot. There were Traitor Astartes in there after all.
We will see grumpy jungle man! My regiment lead war of nerves and terror upon the Tau that leave them have nightmares of Tallarn face!
Thank you sir, if you are needing deployment of land mines/booby traps, I am happy to be serving.
I have not encountered many heretics in my time with the 78th. Only heretic who embrace 'Greater Good' and turn back on glorious Emperor!
...does anyone have lho sticks?
Heh, funny you mention that, Skelly, cause I actually was in a command squad back before the 79th Catachan got damn near wiped out on some shithole feudal world. Damned if I can remember its name. Well, we brought the Tau's number way the fuck down before they overran us. I don't even remember the furious state I was in. Long story short, this prissy clownshoes regiment rolls in and takes all the credit, absorbing myself and a very few survivors. Put up with it a few years, but now I'm here...
*Burbles as he comes back from the re-upgraded turret, now with twin bolters and a Krak missile launcher instead of a grenade launcher. Makes several gestures that seem to indicate he does what he feels like.*
He'd also technically be an Enginseer. If anyone cares.
Thanks. Maybe you should stay after all...
Well I can definitely appreciate those sentiments. Fuck the Tau square in their cunt faces, by Throne! Alright, I'll let you bum one of my lhos...
*flicks one over*
We could get a fire going and roast it, fresh food would certainly trump our usual rations. Any objections?
>shrugs and turns to the toolpack.
Maybe, all we know is that the Traitor's wanted it, so we killed them.
Me? I hope there's a Baneblade in there.
>climbs onto the Chimera.
I've got everything marked out here Gary, think we're ready to start mounting this thing?
Hell yeah, I could use some fresh meat.
Heh, it'll be some general's ass if a Baneblade got left here, that's for damn sure.
And yep, let's get this sumbitch hooked up!
*Burbles and holds up the old cooling system, then the parts from a faulty plasma cannon that he used to replace the Autocannon's cooling.*
Many thanks jung-... Gary! Shoot you up to hell, haram blue bastards.
May I partake in meal? I have small pack of Tallarn spices here... very hot if you wish to try!
Can't say I blame you mate, if some random Regiment just waltzed in and took all the glory I'd be right pissed too.
Bloody warp.....that Techpriest has mounted Twin Bolters and a Krak Launcher on this turret alongside the Autocannon! He must be an Enginseer, only they are this useful!
I can't see their being a problem with it.
Rolled 20 + 3 (1d20 + 3)
Praise the Omnissiah indeed!
Alright, grab the tools and lets get cracking.
The more the merrier mate! We'll all gather round and make something spectacular with that meat.
Good going cogboy, I'd give you a drink if you were still able to partake.
Heheheh, I don't care what you call me, dune boy. But yeah, I like spicy shit, throw it on that meat.
Yeah that shit will happen. Least I'm not having to put up with them anymore.
But by Throne, this cogboy does a hell of a job!
The roll was for fixing the turret. I think we just fixed the turret so hard that we just aced the Barbecue without even realizing we started it
>sets down his tools and pulls out the whiskey bottle.
This....this is a thing of beauty! Now, we celebrate with fresh food! What does everyone want? Barbecue? Or maybe chilli? We've got the supplies for both plus more, that's a lot of meat that Kaht brought us.
*pulls out his own whiskey, adds mysterious liquid to it*
OORAH! A damn good success. And I say just eat the damn thing roasted... you can make something else if you want.
Skelly would approve
>takes a swig of whiskey.
I know, we should make.....a curry! You won't regret it.
Our Chimera has both a kettle and a grill now. Fuck. Yes. We have ascended to Maximum Praetorian
[spoilers]I've got to head to bed now, I'll be back in the morning if the thread is still going![/spoiler]
I have had long hard day travelling to meet my new unit... Time for a weary son of Tallarn to rest his eyes. Save me some curry Arthur sir! My old unit just used to sleep in tank, this is fine, or do you have sleeping quarters?
Hank, come join us! We have a fully functioning Chimera AND fresh food! We actually had good luck for once!
*around mouthful of spiced meat*
Go fer it. Just make it spicy and hot.
if the cooling jacket has to be filled with water, I bet you can use it as a kettle, like Tommies did with their Maxim guns in WWI
You can sleep in the Chimera if you want, that's where I usually bunk myself. There'll be plenty of curry left in the morning, rest well mate.
>aims lasgun and fires all over
OR STINKING OF CATS?
IS IT MADE OF CATS?
....Um..well..are you gonna be doing lewd things in it?
Like in my mang- I MEAN TRAINING COMPON- I MEAN..UM..
No problem brothers, I sleep in comfy Chimera like back home in Tallarn! Good night!
[spoilers]Night lads, this has been good fun[/spoilers]
[spoilers]trips guarantee a good nights sleep I hope, haha[/spoilers]
Will do, I'll stick this on to grill then go grab my jungle fatigues. Might as well since we aren't going into battle today anyway.
>tosses some meat on the grill and disappears into the Chimera.
We are obviously the best Guardsmen ever. "Trooper! Why is the cannon's water jacket empty!", "We were thirsty Commissar, so we made tea. Now piss off before we give you the 'Catachan Retirement Package'.".
>looks at the cat ears
OH NO NO NO NO NO.
>prepares to fire again
YOU SAID HERESY AGA-
>returns to the group in woodland camouflaged fatigues, with armour and helmet.
>checks on the meat and works on a sauce.
By the Emperor, I forgot Hank had a cat allergy, Hank, you really should see the Medicae about that.
Don't know why a Felinid would set it off though.....
Hey Arthur and Co. are only here because the Penal Regiment was closest. But the Commissar best not be interrupting tea time or they gon' get fucked up.
It is not! The Imperium shall live on forever, by the Emperor's mi-AACCCHHOOO!
..Well..I kind of- AAACCHOOO!
T-The Medicae said he didn't know sir- ACCHOO!
And the Felinid is..part feline!
if you're gonna commit to being a daemon we don't hear, I wish you wouldnt, for obvious reasons, but since we aren't aware of you, I imagine you'll do as you please, until the Sister detects you and exorcises your ass
>Tosses the ingredients together and boils the rice.
What say we head into that Depot later
On Monday I think the next one isand have a dig around? Once we're fully sober that is.
I'm glad you're enjoying it mate, you -did- do half the work.
Surely he has some sort of treatment for it, it's either that or a rebreather.
HELLO SIR DAR-
Oh, you're a new guy..heh.
Well, just ACCCHOOO! WELCOME TO HELL- I MEAN THE REGIMENT- ACHOO!
But..the treatment taste horrible!
Bugger me, what Commissar did you piss off to get assigned here as a Conscript?
Well we can't just kick someone out just because your nose is fucked like Abaddon's track record. Getting stabbed with a needle feels horrible but the painkillers are worth it aren't they?
That time works for me...
I am off monday.
Naw man don't take it the wrong way. I'm still kind of in character. Seriously, do as you like, I mean it, wasn't telling you to fuck off. I'm just saying that's what's going to happen if you're a daemon, you can always re-manifest.
Find what you're good at, stick to it, and do your part when the shit hits the fan. Other than that, you can pretty much do what you want, our officers are almost never around.
Wait, you only get sent here if you piss some- Oh! What the hell man? Ugh. It's no problem man just...Sneeze somewhere else, please? *Stares at his food, not knowing if he should still eat it or not.*
>picks up the plate full of food
>sneezes so hard blood comes out and he stumbles and drops the plate
>blood is running down his nose
I hate myself.
Our Enginseer is a good guy, we really need to get him a present for fixing the Chimera. Maybe we'll find a tank or something in there.
Oh well done you tosser! I should order you to take that damn treatment for that!
>throws the ingredients and tastes it with a smile
Alright chaps curry is ready. Spicy like you wanted Gary. Everyone get their mess tins ready.
You best not sneeze in my curry Hank or I swear to the Emperor.....
>Falls forward into the shards and pieces
OH BY THE EMPEROR'S BOLLOCKS, OH GOD IT HURTS, WHY
Y-YES SI- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
>is screaming in pain
*Flicks off the snot from his food and closes his eyes as he begins to eat. Then opens his eyes and blinks* Oh, it's actually not bad. *Turns back to Hank and then looks to the others.* Is he usually like this or should there be concern?
Do whatever you feel like mate, we've got a bit of everything anyway so more variety can only be good.
BY THE EMPEROR! Gary could you be a mate and make he sure he doesn't get his fluids in my curry while I get the Medkit off the top of the Chimera?
>clambers onto the Chimera with a displeased expression.
>is rolling all over the ground cursing
Really? Huh. Well here's the wiki page for them from back when they were part of another /tg/ project. http://1d4chan.org/wiki/The_Narakan_Corps tl;dr is Catachan, Savlar, and Krieg have a post-apocalyptic deathworld baby. I'll probably just go with Savlar though, don't want to waste time with homebrewed shit. I'll be back after I get IRL dinner.
I'll be sure to do just that. Oh, alright then. *Goes over and begins to help hold Hank as well.* It'll be alright! Just, pray to the Emperor or somethin' mate.
SHUT UP! FUCK! Cadia is a place that matters, dickhead! You're still doing the Emperor's work, and not being useless to Him! Now stop your whining before I take away your breathing privileges!
Cheers, you really need a promotion or something Gary. You and Kenneth both.
>drops off the Chimera and looks over Hank.
Alright cunt, stop cursing and tell me where it hurts, I actually want to eat some of that curry myself.
>for once looks seriously disturbed and not at all Praetorian.
Um......no, no, no. I'm not equipped to deal with this, I am not pulling shards out of a man's cock. I am not a Hospitallier.
I'll give you a painkiller, an antibiotic and patch up your face and leave the Medicae to deal with thatPlease in the Emperor's name let this happen off screen between this thread and the monday one.
>starts cleaning the gashes on Hank's face, still deeply disturbed.
Gary, do you think I should sedate him so he doesn't somehow make it worse?
I keep making mistakes, "Please in the Emperor's name let this happen off screen between this thread and the monday one" was SUPPOSED to be spoilered but I guess I just fucked up again. Damnit. FFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-
IT HURTS, SO BAAD.
FUCK IT, FUCK IT ALL
>grabs one shard and pulls it out of bum
AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH FUCKING HELL HOLY SHIT MY ASS, IT FUCKING HURTS.
I-I'M SORRY SIR-
>stumbles back down and falls face first onto the floor
back, Was setting up a dryer IRL
Its a long story.
Are you allergic to me? I'll be sure to sleep on your clothes.
...What? No I wont. Weird.
>pulls a sedative injector from the Medkit and jabs it into Hank's neck.
>It will take time to work.
How in the Emperor's name does he even manage to do this?! He's perfectly fine normally but he gets one whif of feline and his brain stops working! HOOOOOOOW?!
I don't....this isn't......this doesn't make sense.
>just sits there looking genuinely confused.
I-I WOULD NOT FALL TO THE URGES OF SLANEE- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
>there is blood everywhere now
Oh mama..mama why..all I did was clean the pig...all I did...
>cries as he passes out
>he looks fucking pitiful now
Thank you. Thank. You.
You definetly need a promotion. Seriously. But back to work
>starts pulling shards out of Hanks face and cleaning the injuries.
Aaaaaaand that was your first day in the Penal Regiment, we won't think any less of you if you choose to preserve your sanity and retreat you know.
Emperor Damnit! This might be a bit more seriois than we thought guys, anyone know where the Medicae's are?
>pulls Hank's uniform jacket off.
All he did was fall on a plate. A PLATE! How does this even happen to us?
Well I'm glad you're choosing to stick with us ma'am but >>43454616 is something I should have expected
You didn't, but this is still happening! I've been hit harder than that when the Chimera went into a crater! And I was fine!
>leans forward to check Hank's breathing.
So...not trying to Meta but what exactly is wrong with Hank? I want to get him fixed before the threat falls off the pages. Unless you're planning to get rid of him? But then you'd just 'make a new character' anyway.
>still not breathing
His cat allergy is going to the absolute extreme so that stopped his breathing, and his genitals are filled with shards from a plate.
So yeah. And no, I don't feel like getting rid of him.
Rolled 16 (1d20)
Quit being a big baby. You're lucky a commissar isn't around.
>Rollan to motivate with fear of commissars
>This most likely wont help much
>pulls a dose of anti-allergy medication from the pack and injects Hank with it, then follows it up with CPR.
Turns his head and make sure his throat is clear! I'm not losing a Guardsman to a damned allergy, that's just insulting.
I shall do my utmost comrade, but given how close the thread is to archiving, it -might- need to be a case of offscreen recovery'
'Evening gents, did someone say *wheeze* rebreathers?
Alright then, he'll be bunking in the Chimera tonight, the Crew'll make sure he's okay. Then they'll take him to see the Medicae about his dickwounds.
>looks down at Hank with a neutral expression.
Right listen to me mate, I don't care if the medication for that allergy tastes like ass, you've got to start taking it when your allergy flares up. I'm not doing this to be mean lad, you almost died. And even worse you've got bits of metal in your dick, you don't want that to happen regularly do you?
Wow, you guys are making this really, really, REALLY easy for me. GUILTY *BLAM* *BLAM* *BLAM*
:Walks away from the heretics and flashes his badge to anyone nearby: Detective Greely, Adeptus Arbites. Looks like the inquisitor wont have to waste his time with those three mopes... hell of an assignment i've managed to land.
Corporal Vince Grind at ya service Toddy. Where's the CO? I haven't seen this little oversight since I left the mines on Savlar.
Oh boy, 'e looks to be in bad shape. Has the unit already seen combat?
Right then, lets get you into the Chimera and taken care of, eh lad? There'll be curry left when the Medicae clears you for duty.
>gently lifts Hank and carries him to one of the Chimera's seats.
Oh aye, that reminds me,
>sticks a hand out the rear hatch, holding a bottle of whiskey.
Ey Khat, this'll be yours, a little thank you for bringing dinner in.
Oh 'ello lovey, didn't see you there. Also didn't realize there were abbies here. Makes me feel like I'm home.
Speaking of which, anymore of that grub? They didn't feed us on the ride over.
I'm the CO for the moment, until the Captain wakes up that is. So I'll be 'processing' you while I deal with this. Area of Expertise, years served and reason for being reassigned here?
And no, he um...has -really bad- feline allergies. Really bad.
Think the rest of its roasting over there for people who like it cooked.
>She pulls out a marker and a piece of paper, Writes 'Corporal Kaht' on it and puts it where her rank would be normally
That should save me from some questions.
>Area of expertise
Well let's see. I was known in my last unit for being able to supply the good stuff for the boys. Could tell them how to use it best too. I've got some good suppliers of "illicit contraband" as my old commissar used to say. As a chemdog I'm pretty tough when it comes to chemical weapons situations and the like. Fairly handy with repairing minor stuff. Auspex, cogitators, lasguns if the situation demands. That sort of thing. Decent with a lockpick but you should have seen some of the guys from home. Handy with a flamer.
>Years of service
Served a few years fighting on Armageddon against the orcs. Served about 8 months against a Tyranid infestation before command realized it was hopeless and pulled us out. That was a good time, the panicked refugees left behind a lot of valuable shit. Was in a campaign against a Dark Eldar raiding party for a grand total of 6 weeks before being sent here.
>Reason for reassignment
Spiked the commissars morning tea. Seeing that cunt screaming about the corps-men turning into a his topless mother and his hat being made of spiders was well worth the reassignment. Shame he couldn't handle his drugs, if he had survived the trip he might have actually kept me around. Seemed to be enjoying it.
I'll go check it out.
>Begins unpacking his handheld blender.
>Slices off a chunk of meat and stuffs it in the blender.
>Hooks up the slurry to one of his rebreather tubes and drinks.
That's the good shit. Vat-grown meat pulps more smoothly, but it just doesn't have the same flavour.
Very well, I think you'll fit in well around here, just three points I need to bring up. Number one, if you must 'borrow' any equipment do not do so from a Praetorian Regiment, I'll skin you alive. Number two, do not 'borrow' equipment from a Vostroyan Regiment, the Captain will skin you alive. Number three, ask Gary before you 'borrow' anything from a Catachan Regiment, as he -may- skin you alive, I'm not sure, or the Catachan Regiment may do it themselves. Other than that, you're welcome to do what ever you wish, as long as it serves the Emperor and you stay alive.
Oh! Don't touch the Chimera's guns, we've only just repaired it after somebody melted the turret. That's it really. Make sure to sample the food we have on offer, there's no way we'll eat it all.
>Between loud slurps of the meat slurry.
Very well chief, but don't worry. Most of the shit I sell is to my comrades in arms, so I wouldn't dare steal from em.
That said, I have some grinweed in my pack if you're worried about not being hungry enough to eat the whole thing.
I'll pass on the Grinweed, but you have fun with that yourself. I'll be in the Chimera if you need me.
>climbs back into the vehicle and sits next to the Vox gear.
Pitch a hammock wherever you can get comfy, we're not that big procedure here. The Trenches one of our Quartermaster might be better than the Chimera, other than that, I'm not really sure, I just slept in here.
>The detective makes his way over to the assorted scums and convicts, realizing there's no one ranking he can talk to right now.
I had three, THREE people make heretical overtures on my way here. This how things usually go around here with you animals or am I being put o -
>notices the abhuman
What in the high lord's taint is that supposed to be? A Felinid? This doesn't look like Carlos Mcconnell to me.
>Is obviously new as hell to being a detective
>Sergeant Wellsley stands from his Vox station and sticks his head out the rear hatch of the Chimera to investigate the commotion.
That woman is a Guardswoman of the Emperor's Imperial Guard, that she happens to be a Felinid is irrelevant. This won't be a problem, will it?
>obviously doesn't look amused.
>Ignores the offer, though his hands shake for a second.
As long as she's doing the emperor's will, I won't have problems. When you work the cult beat, you get suspicious of anything out of the ordinary.
Suit yourself chum.
I'll be hitting the ruck. See you all tomorrow.
>Disappears into a hole in one of the trenches.
>Smoke begins to billow out shortly after.
>The Sergeant's expression changes to a more neutral one.
Very good then. Carry on, although I am curious as to how an...Enforcer, I think, ended up on Cadia of all places. All you expect to see around here are Military Troops and then Traitors.